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FUSSY CASE IN ELBERT COURT. .Hintt Siyirj' KuniMcy hihl *• Irlliia. yrn t l'*ininiretj\eet! of n Old Ueorgia Lawyer. When T first attended F.lbert Superior Court,.almost fifty years ago. I noticed a large woman, “ fat. square and forty, or more, drive on her ox-cart, back it up near ■ the pathway that led to the main door of the Court Home, scotch the wheels, un hitch her <%wo oxen, and, with the aid of two friends who came forward, tie and feed them. She then removed the hinu jrate of her curt and exposed the end of a cider barrel. Another friend climbed over the wheels and handed out a table, cups, pint and quart pots, a box filled with {rin ger bread, and finally, a small bnpof chest nuts. You have doubtless seen such trav i cling restaurants in your day. Hovy often Miss Nancy Rumsey had re peated that scene in years past. ] cannot say ; but I know she continued it to a late day as regularly as the Court set, until a lawyer once moved that the minutes be amended by adding, after the words, “ Present, the Honorable Judge, &c.,” the additional words, “ and Nancy Rumsey and ier two red steers," as she and they had been coining long enough to make it a good custom at common law ; for memory of man ran not to the contrary; and the whole county could swear that it had been Continued without interruption ; had been peaceable, etc.; and he doubted whether any lawful court could be held without them. By her regular business of a few dollars a day, (hiring courts and other public occa sions, she had amassed enough to build a comfortable house some six or eight miles from Elberton, the county town, up in the “chinquapin settlement, called Goshen.” This house of hers was the great head quarters of the. country round about, and being on the high road she kept a country tavern, at which I have often drawn rein for rest and refreshment, and always found Miss Nancy an obliging and liberal hostess. From a capitalist she became a politician ; and the first thing a candidate had to do before entering the canvass, was to subsid ize this influential lady. 1 learned from conversation with several aspirants for pub lic office, that she had taken tribute aliko from all. Each got her promise of favor and she got money from each. The candi dates soon fbund’this out, but they knew also that if they did not pay this tax to the queen of Goshen, they would get her earnest opposition : and so this white fe male levied black mail on all office-seekers in F.lbert county, fur half a oe.ntury. For the last twenty years of that period, after her throne had been well established, not only candidates stopped to have a word with Miss Nancy, hut the lawyers, who were looking up business, took care tosay pleasant things to her as they passed ; and the Judge, as lie went by* paid bis respects as she sal in her chair at the end of her cart. I have said that the custom of the at tendance'of Miss NUficy and the oxen had been peaceable; but on one occasion, it came near being disturbed from a source that seems to have been a disturber of all thrones. A late importation from the Green Isle, finding his way to Elberton, and to Miss Nancy’s cake cart, bought a mug of eider, but after it was drawn, and before paid for, concluded he would swap it for a ginger-cake ; to which she consent ed ami poured the cider back into the bar rel. Pat having eaten his cake, started off. when lie was called back by the vigilant Nancy, and reminded that he owed for his purchase. “ Not paid for the cake !” exclaimed Pat. “ Didn’t 1 swap yc the mug of cider for it'/ and now you want pay too.” “ But,” said Miss Nancy, “you didn’t pay for the cider.” “ Not paid for the cider, is it? Bedad ! ye poured it back into your bar'l, where it now is. None of yer thricks, ye Jezebel; none of yer shabby thricks to chate an honest' furrener out of his little penny. Mistress Rumsey. yc got yer cider in yer bar'l which I swapt for yer cake, and now To talk of pay for yer cake 1” and off he turned indignantly. Though Miss Nancy could not, in her confusion, unravel Pat's false logic, she could see so far as to know that whereas she had eighteen cakes, she now had but sev enteen, and no money for the missing one. She therefore sued Pat, with the hope that the Justice, learned in the law. could ex plain it. When the suit oame on for trial, Pat appeared and arguing the case with the same earnestness and sublety that he had at the cart, confused the court as mftch as he had Miss Nancy ; but all unconsciously to the confident Justice, xfho tried it. In giving his opinion, the latter said the case was very plain, though neither of the par ties seemed to understand it; and pro nounced his judgment that Pat should buy and pay for another cake and swap it back for the mug of cider, to please the plaintiff, who seemed so dissatisfied with her former trade; and she should let I’at drink his cider and he would have the worth of his money—and she the money for her cake, and the worth of her cider in the cake given back, which would make them even. A Rising Lad. A boy borrowed a tool from a carpenter, promising to return it at night. Before evening he was sent away on an errand and did not return until late. Before going he was told that his brother should see that the article was returned. After he had come home he inquired and found that the tool had not been sent to its owner. lie was much distressed to think that his promise had not been kept, but was per suaded to go to sleep and rise early and carry it home the next morning. By day light he was up, and nowhere was the tool to be found. After a long and fruitless search he set out for his neighbor's in great distress, to acknowledge his fault. But how great was his surprise to find the tool on his neighbor's door-stone ! And then it appeared from the prints of his little bare feet in the mud, that the lad had got up in his sleep and carried the tool borne and $1.50 A YEAR. gone to bed again without knowing it. Of course a hoy who was prompt in his sleep was prompt when awake. He lived re spected, had the confidence of his neigh bors. and was placed in many offices of trust and profit. If all grown folks felt as this hoy did. there would he a good many tracks of hare feet found some of these bright mornings : and what piles of books and tools would be found at their owners' doors. Real' and Dumb. For some days past an unknown female has been in the habit of making an after noon trip on the Woodward avenue cars and riding to Brady street. The first two or three times she paid her fare promptly enough, but the next trip she wrote some thing on a card, handed it to a gentleman, and he paid her fare. The next trip she waited till the driver rang the fare hell, and when she saw him looking through the door she advanced and held up a card on which was written : “ I am deaf and d,mnb.” The driver didn't want to create a scene, *u(l she rode as a dead-head. Next day she went through the same performance, but when she boarded the car the third af ternoon he was ready for her. He had every reason to believe her a fraud, as she had been heard to speak in the ear coming down. When she entered the car. she took a seat and began reading, seeming to have,po earthly interest in the fare ques tion. There are no conductors on the route, and the driver controls both doors. .Before Brady street was reached the un known female was the only passenger. She rose and rang the bell at the street, but the driver paid not the least heed. She rang again, and he hurried up the horse, then she tried to pull the bell off the car, but the man never turned his head. The woman rushed to the door and pushed’and tugged till she was red in the face, but not an inch would it budge. Rushing to the front door she pounded the glass in a furi ous manner, and by and bv the driver “ac cidentally ” looked around. She gestured wildly, and as he shook his head in a stu pid way she held up her card which said : lam deal' and dumb.” The driver fum bled around for two or three minutes and brought out a srnall placard on which was printed : “ So am I !” They were then about half a mile above Brady street, making excellent time, and the woman’s indignation was so great that she shook her fist at the driver and scream ed out: “ I'll have you shot for this !” He held up his card, shook his head, and paid no further attention to her blood curdling threats. At the turntable, a mile and a half above Brady street the door slid back and the woman jumped into tiie mud. She blessed that man from crown to sole, and she blessed all his relatives back to the revolution, but he did not seem to hear her. As he started off she called out : “ You arc a monster, villain, sneak and thief!” He gave the lines a shake, got the card from his pocket, and she was not too far away to read the answer : “ So am I !” Nile Is Waiting. Yankee Jtlade. A well-to-do-widow living in the north ern part of the city has during the past winter depended solely upon the sun to clear her walks of snow, and boys with snow shovels and policemen with notices have failed to alter her programme. Yes terday morning after the big storm there was a drift a foot deep in front of her house and a boy with innocent blue eyes and flaxen hair, rang the bell and brought her down the hall at a trot. “ Does the Widder live here?” lie asked, as she opened the door. She said she was the person named and he continued : “ You’ve been awful good to us poor folks this winter, and I run over from Woodward avenue to say that there's the nicest sort of a man in a drug store over thefe asking about you.” “ About me?” “ Yes'm. He’s got a big gold watch and diamonds, and a plug hat and a gold head ed cane, and J heard him ask the clerk if you were married yet.” ‘•He did?” “•Yes’m, and when the clerk told him no, lie asked for the number of your house, and 1 heard him say something like—old love—graves—recollections—big house on Fifth avenue, New York, and he sighed. I believe he is coming over here.” “Who can it be—who can it be?” she mused. “ Hain't the least idea. He doesn’t look as if he was used to wading through the snow, and I thought I’d slip overandclean up your walks.” “ Y'es, ah—of course—wait a minute, bub.” She ran and got a silver quarter, patted bim on the head and went in to get on her best clothes. She didn’t see the boy any more, and at 5 o'clock in the afternoon she was still looking over towards Woodward avenue, her optics having a tired expression and her nose a weary pose. Boys shouldn’t be up to such tricks. If it isn't downright lying, it is deception in the second degree, and it upsets household arrangements for a whole day. * HARTWELL, CA„ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 35, 13'*. TIIC Mprillg SJirtl. Jturtinptvn Uawkeye. Dear little blue bird, Herald of spring. Swallow this cough drop— Boor little thing ! Warbling so hoarsely. Of April's approach ; Hunting around for a Bronchial troche. Poor little blue bird, Don’t you go off; Tie up your little nock, Doctor tlint cough. Soon April violets, Kissed by the breeze. Will shiver and wince as they List to your sneeze. Don't be discouraged yet, Herald of spring; Shake all the icicles Off from your wing. Who knows what v?bnders Gough cure may do ; Sing, little blue bird— “ At-chce ! At-choo ! ” The Man W ho tlrvw. Otero it Free J'terr One day last week a Detroit mechanic was going down Michigan avenue and be came favorably impressed with a pair of pants hanging in front of a cheap clothing store. The price was low, the goods seem ed all right, and he mady up his mind to purchase. “ I gif you de word of Andrew Shack son dat dose pants are shust like iron,” said the dealer. “ I warrants dem efery dime.” After three or four days’ wear the pur chaser found the bottom of the pants crawling towards his knees. It was a bad case of shrinkage, and he got mad and went back to the store and said : “ You swindled me on tsese pants! See how they have shrunk !” j The dealer looked him nil over, felt of his head, pulled on the pants and finally said : “ I shall give you one thousand dollars a month if you will travefwilh me.” “ How—what?” “ You are shust growing right up at the rate of two inches a dfty, and 1 takes you aroundt the country on exhibition. Dose (units are shust as long as el’er, but you have grown oudt off deni.” “ I don't believe it!” shouSid the man, “ 1 am forty years old, and quit growing long ago !” “ I gif you de word of Andrew Shack,son dot you vas growing.” “ 1 don't care whose word you give. I say thttse pants have shrunk nearly a foot.” “ Has de top of dose pants shrunk down any?” softly asked the dealer. “ Why, no.” “ Shouldn't de vaistbands shrink down just as queek as dose bottoms should shrink up? If in do cloth, one part should shrink like de odder, eh ! When I sold you dot elegant pair of pants for tree dollar I don't suppose you vos growing so fast or 1 shall haf put zuin straps on de bottoms.” “ Well, I don’t like this way of doing business.” said the purchaser. “Shust like me. If I sells such elegant pants as doze to a man, and he grows out of dem, it damages mv trade. You haf damaged me five hoonered dollar, but I haf low rent, pay cash for mein goods, and can make you dis lifty-cent tie for five cents.” The man walked out to the curbstone, and turning around, shook his fist and said : “\ r ou are a liar and a cheat, and I'll dare you out here?” “Such dings sink deep into my heart,” sighed the dealer, as he took down his pipe. “ l dinks l sells out dis peesness and ped dles -some vases aroundt. Den when I sells to somepody it makes no difference how much dey grow.” A Short Sermon. Y’ou are the architects of your own for tunes ; rely upon your own strength of body and soul. Start by knowing a few useful studies well. Learn much of men and things, and accept practical talent as the philosopher's stone. Select some spe ciality for your life's work, and adhere to Paul’s precept. “This one thing I do.” Earnest effort in one direction will be your surest road to wealth, and high position. Let your star be Industry. Self-reliance, and Honesty, and inscribe on your banner, Luck is a fool. Pluck is a hero. Don't take too much advice, keep an the helm, steer your own ship command your business as a general commands an army, and do not forget that the great art of good general ship is to take upon your yourself the larg est share of tbe work. Don’t practice too much humility; think well of yourself— strike out—assume your position. It is the jostlings and joltings of life that bring great men to the surface—put potatoes in a cart over a rough road, and small potatoes go to the bottom ; turn a raft of logs down a mill-race, and the large logs come on top. Rise above the envious and jealous. Fire above the mark you intend to hit—remem ber that the great difference between men, between the feeble and the powerful—the great and the insignificant—is energy, in vincible determination—a purpose once fix ed, and then victory or death. Don’t drink. Don't chew. Don't smoke. Don’t swear. Don't deceive. Don't read novels. Don't part your hair or name in the middle, and don’t own a horse or a diamond until you have made a name and a fortune. He in earnest. Be self-reliant. Be generous —there are two sides to every balance, and favors thrown in one side are sure to he reciprocated in the other. Be civil. Ben gentleman—it is a foolish man who does not understand that molasses will catch more tlies than vinegar. Read the papers —they arc the great practical educators of the people. Advertise your business. Seize opportunities by the forelock. Keep your own counsels. Be the supreme head of your own business, make money, and do good with it. Love God and your fellow man. Love truth and virtue. Love your country, and obey the laws. H. G. Eastman, LL. I)., The Homely (.Ill's Nlrulcgy. Virginia Chronicle. There are two young ladies in this city, one noted for her beauty and the other quite plain. They are sisters and rivals. The handsome one has the most admirers, her lovely face effectually hiding her lack of intelligence and good sense. The home ly one, although overflowing with wit and shrewdness, finds it impossible to make herself attractive to the young men who call at the house so long as her sister is about. The girls mutually hate each other. A few nights ago the homely one had her sweet revenge. Half a dozen gentlemen were expected to be present to take part in music, singing, card-playing and other enjoyments. Just before the arrival of the guests, the the homely sister dropped a grain of morphine into a glass of water which the other had asked her to get, and that is what did the business. The guests arrived, and then hats and coats were taken by the girls and hung in the hall. It was “good evening. Miss and “how do you do, Mr. •?” for about five minutes, when the girls sat down, and the handsom est was made the centre of an admiring group. • • “ The weather has been rather nice for a day or so.” “ V-e-s-a.” replied the fair one, with a yawn that caused her mouth to open like the iaws of a Blake crusher. The group tried bard to keep her atten tion engaged. The most fluent weather talker of the lot exhausted himself on me trological phenomena, hut without effect. The chap who read a portion of Daniel De ronada next turned himself loose, hut the yawn of that mouth reminded him that his conversational influence was not felt. The musical fiend of the crowd hopped up on the stool and belabored the piano, while the others sang “Pull Down The Blind,” but at the end of the song the beauty was lying back in a rocking chair fast asleep. What was the homely girl doing all jliis while? She was making her self as agreeable and sprightly as possible. When the other began to snore she apolo gized in a most sisterly way. “ I hope gen tlemen. you won't take offence at tl>is. She did it just for a joke. You know she’s always doing such original things. You won’t feci insulted, will you?” Then she took them out in the pantry and tilled them up with mince pies, cold tongue, roast tur key, etc, and when they left that house they came to the sworn conclusion never to have any more to do with the beauty, and cultivate the homely one more in the future than in the past. A Ten Thousand Hollar Oriiii. At a recent temperance meeting a re formed drunkard arose to make a few en couraging remarks to those who had not yet pledged themselves to abstain from the flowing bowl. The man possessed a re markable nose —remarkable for being bul bous and of a brilliant crimson and it at tracted considerable attention as he step ped to the front and said : “Ladies and gentlemen, I am not here to make a speech. I am not much of a speaker. In fact, I never made a speech in my life. I have, however, been a hard drinker, which you will probably infer af ter a casual glance at my nose, but—.” Here the audience began to titter, where upon the speaker, feeling the organ in ques tion tenderly, resumed : “ But I assure you, ladies and gentlemen, although it may strike you as being very funny, it is no laughing matter. To bring my nose to this blooming perfection has cost me at least ten thousand dollars.” Hereupon there was a perfect bowl, and the new recruit stepped down and gave place to the next speaker. . A Blight Miwlake. The gentleman who does the Annanias and Saphira business of the Terra Haute Express says that a city minister opened his front door suddenly and surprised a guilty looking man who was just in the act of depositing a neatly-covered basket on the door step. The meeting was not rapturous. “Ah!” said the minister, rushing out and grasping the man by the collar, while he plied a heavy soled boot vigorously under the coat-tail of his visi tor, “what do you mean, you villian. by leaving a baby on my door step? Ah, I have you, you scoundrel ! I’ll show you how to abandon an infant to the cold mer cies of the world.” And all these remarks were punctuated by kicks. “ I haven’t left any baby at yoifr door.” said the man. taking up the basket and lifting the cover. “ I brought a right fat turkey for you. but I'm d—d if j r ou shall have it now, if you were starving,” and he walked away. A N. Y. SENSATIONAL SEKMON. One of Mr. Tnlmiiitv'w Merraon* that Kejil lit* llenrem In a Roar of LNUfklrr. Kne Vert Am, Dr. Tulmngo said, as he began yester day’s sermon, that the reason lie had preached ten sermons to men and none to women was that the women are better than men. He did not say this out of compli ment or in gallantry; although when wo men are had, they're dreadful. [LaughMk] Statistics prove this. They have falter temptations, are naturally more rererea tial and loving, and it is easier for them In become Christians. “They are in the ma jority in the Church, on earth, and I sup pose they will ho three-fourths of the pop ulation in iHNtveik.'’ In a beautiful home stead in BuXlamy. a widow was left to tnke charge of the premises. The pet of the house was Mary, a younger sister, who, with a hook under her arm. has no appear ance of anxiety or perturbation. ( nnst and several friends arrived at the bouse. They did not keep him waiting till they ad justed their dress, and, after two or three knockings. hasten to the door, and say. “Why, is that you?” No. They were ladies, and always presentable, though they might not have on their best. If we al ways had on our best, our best would not be worth having on. [Laughter.] They' threw open the door and greeted Christ with, “Good morning. Be seated.*’ Martha went off to the kitchen; while Mary, believing in division of labor, said, “ Martha, you go and cook, and 1 will sit down and he good.” (Laughter.] Some thing went wrong in the kitchen. Peihaps the fire would not not burn, or the bread would not bake, or Martha scalded her hand. At any rate, she lost her patience ; and with hesweated brow, and possibly with pitcher in one hand and the tongs mi the other, rushed into the presence of Christ, saving, “ Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left mo to serve alone.’’ But Christ scolded not a word. He seemed to say, “My dear woman, don’t worry. Let the dinner go. Sit down on this ottoman beside Mary, your humble sister.” When a man comes home from business and sees his wife worn out, he thinks she ought to have been in Waif street, and then she would have bail some tiling to worry her. He does not know that she conducts n university, a clothing establishment, a restaurant, a laundry, and a library; while she is also health officer, police, and president of her residence. [(ireat laughter.] They have to contend with severe econo my. Nhiefv-nine out of a hundred aro subjected to it. If a man smokes very ex pensive cigars and eats costly dinners in New York, be is very desirous of making five dollars do the work of seven at home. T'he wife is banker in the household. Slur is president, cashier, teller, and discount clerk ; and there's a panic every few weeks. [Laughter.] This severe discipline will make heaven very attractive to you. There will be no rents to pay. Every man will live in his own hgmse, which will be a man sion at that. If Stewart's Fifth avenuo mansion were lifted into the celestial city, glorious, glorified Lazarus, who sat in raga on earth, would he ashamed to enter it. NUMBER 35. On Von ll<‘Hr That ? From Reminineeneei of an Old Deorgia Laity or. One frosty October night, by Mrs, Jones' large and cheerful lire, at (’arnesville, Da., Judge Clayton told us of an application he once had to prosecute an offender for using profane language in a church. He said a man applied for admission as a member, and was required to give in his experience, which he commenced, by saying : k * 1 was riding in the low-grounds one dark, rainy' night, on a bob-tailed pony.” Having the impediment of a hair-lip, and speaking low. a brother, of the church, asked if he would “speak louder, that he might be heard by' all the brethren.” The applicant commenced in aloud voice, but when he reached the bob-tailed pony, was as low as before ; and a sister, asking that he would speak louder, that the sis ters might hear what the Lord had done for him, he tried again but when he arrived at bob-tailed pony, his voice was weak as be fore. This time a negro, in the gallery, called out and hoped “ the white brudder would speak loud enough for the black bredderen to hear what the Lord had done for his poor soul.” Neither the patience nor religion of the penitent coula endure the torture anv longer, and he replied to the ‘ black brud der :” “ You go to h—ll, you d—d black scoundrel. Do yon hear that ? and taking his hat walked out. A III(ih Old Time. Chicago Timet. The other night Thomas Powell, who was confined in jail at West Union, Dod dridge county, W. Va., accused of the murder of Thomas Burton, was released from jail by a court heretofore unknown to the jurisprudence of this State. The jailer and several other persons got together at the jail and drank freely. They became so hilarious and reckless that they gave Powell a part in their drunken spree, and at length they determined to organize a court arid try him for the crime with which he stood charged. Accordingly one was made judge, and another prosecuting at torney, and the trial commenced. After giving him a hearing Powell was adjudged not guilty, amid much hilarity, and tho door of the jail thrown open to him, and ho was allowed to go. The sheriff has been searching for him; and a reward of fifty dollars has been offered for his arrest. The jailer has been arrested for releasing Powell. The World appears very beautiful when you are well; to remain well, healthy and strong, take Dr. J. H. McLean’S Strengthening Cordial and Blood Purifier, the greatest tonic, in the world, it strength ens the body and purifies the blood. I>r. J. 11. McLean's office, 314 Chestnut st„ St. Lois, Mo,