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the BABY’S MISSING SHIRT. BY MBS. JONES. “We were all preparing,’’ said Mrs. Jones, “togo to the wedding. I was going, father was going, the gals was go ing, and we was going to talce the baby Hut, come to dress the baby, could nt find the baby's shirt ! I'd laid a clean one out of the drawers a purpose. L know and just where I'd put it. but come to look for it ’twas gone* T ~ , ~ For mercy's sake . says TANARUS, gals says I “ has any one of ye seen that baby's shirt J”’ _ , , , , Of course none of them liad seen it, and I looked, and looked, and looked again, but t'want nowhere to be found. “It's the strangest thing in all nature 1” says 1.. .. here I had the shirt in my hand not more'n ten minutes ago, and now it is gone, nobody can tell where ! 1 never seen the beat! Gals,” says I, “do look around, can't ye ?” But fretting would not lind it; so I give up and went to the bureau and fished up another shirt, and put it onto our baby ; and at last we was ready to start. Fathere’d harnessed up the double team —we drove the old white mare then—and gals and all were having a good time, going to see Mary Ann married ; but somehow 1 couldn’t get over that shirt. ’ Twant the shirt so much, but to have anything spirit ed away right from under my face and eyes so, 'twas provoking. “ What ye thinking about mother ?” says Sophrony,* “ what makes ye so sober ?” says she. “ I'm pestered to death thinking about that are shirt,” says I. One of you must atook it.” “ Now ma,” says Sophrony, says she “you need’nt say that,” says she, and as I laid it to her a good many times, she was beginning to git vexed ; and so we had it back and forth all about that baby’s shirt, until we arrived at the wedding. Seeing company kinder put it out of my mind, and I was gitting goodnatur'd agin, though I couldn't help saying to myself every few minutes, “what could have be come of that shirt ?” till at last they stood up to be married, and I forgot all about it. Mary Ann was a real modest creature, and was mor'n frightened to death when she came into the room with Stephen, and the minister told them to jine hands. She fust give her left hand to Stephen. “Your other hand,” says he, poor Steve was so bashful too, he didn’t know what he was about —he thought ’twas his mistake, and that the minister tnent him, so he gave Mary Ann his left hand. That wouldn’t do any way; a left-handed marriage all around ; but by this time they didn’t know what they was about, and Mary Ann join ed her right hand with his left, and the left with his right, then both their hands agin till I was all of a fidget, and thought they never would get fixed. Mary Ann looked as red as a turkey, and to make matters worse she began to cough, to turn off I suppose, and called for a glass of wa ter. The minister had been drinking, and the tumbler stood right there, and 1 was so nervous and in such a hurry to see it all over with, I ketched up the tumbler and run with it to her ; for I thought to good ness she was going to faint. She under took to drink—l don't know how it hap pened, but the tumbler slipped and glori ous me ! if between us both we didn’t spill the tumbler of water all over her collar and sleeve. I was dreadfully flustrated, for it looked as though it was my fault; and the fust thing I did was to out with my handker chief and give it to Mary Ann ; it was nicely done up ; she took it and shook it out. the folks had held it up putty well to that time, but then such a giggle and laugh as there was. I didn’t know what give ’em such a start, till Hooked and seed I'd give Mary Ann that baby’s shirt. Here Mrs. Jones, who is a very fleshy woman, undulated and shook like a mighty jelly, with her mirth, and it was some time before she could proceed with her narrative. “ Why,” said she with tears of laughter running down her cheeks, “I’d tucked it into my dress pocket for a handkerchief; that came of being absent-minded and in a fidget.” “ And Mary Ann and Stephen—were they married after all?” “ Dear me, yes !” said Mrs. Jones “ and it turned out to be the gayest wedding I ‘ever ’tended.” “ And what about tbe baby’s shirt, Mrs. Jones?” “La me!” said Mrs. Jones, “how young folks do ax questions. Everybody agreed I ought to make Mary Ann a pres ent on’t.” “ Well, Mrs. Jones !” “ Well,” said Mrs. Jones, “ ttvant long ’fore she found a use for’t. And that’s the end of the story.” Country Cousin Jokes. Bridges Smith's Paper. More cheroots (7 for a nickel) were sold in Macon last week than were sold for six months past. The beau ideal of human bliss of a rural youth is to strut around town with a cheroot in his mouth. lie smokes them for two good reasons. One is, they are cheaper than cigars, and the other, because there can be no doubt as to the right end to put in his mouth. A passenger from Columbus says that during the first part of the week he saw great crowds of people camped along the line of road, waiting for the excursion ' train, fearing that if they remained at home they'd be left. lie was dressed up regardless. The red cravat which encircled his neck cast a ra diant hue over his countenance, and the homespun shirt which shielded his manly bosom, bore a striking resemblance to a sugar-cured ham. He sidled up to us with a grin that warped his left car. Says he : “ Look here, stranger, I'll be hornswag glcd ef I hain't turned round in this town, an 1 et you’ll be so kind as to give me some advice I’ll be obleeged ter yer.” We told him we were at his service. “ Well, now, what have you got here that's w r orth look ing at?” We told him of the beauties of $1.50 A YEAR. the park, the hot-house, tho—‘-Hold on. mister ! It's dmgnation hot out doors, an' I don't want ter go inter anything hotter.” W e spoke of the gold fish at the fountain. “ Gold fish ? Fish made out’n gold ! Great jehosophat—ver don’t tell me!” Yes. they were eighteen karat fine, and the gold came direct from the Black Hills. Then we passed out of the park and spoke of other things. We showed him a gas lamp, and told him that gas was brought here m pipes all the way from Atlanta. “ Well I do declare ! Ain't it mighty expensive?” Oh. ves; but our city doesn't owe a cent, and has a surplus fund of ninety millions. Then, as if a bright idea struck him, he asked if lager beer wasn't good for a head ache. We told him that the most eminent physicians prescribed it for such ailments. Then we directed his footsteps to the throne of Gambrinus, and the last we saw of him he was imitating Jonah’s whale, and now and then we'd hear him murmur : “ Good —for—headache—eh ?” Several went into Hall's drug store and treated themselves to soda. One of them, who had a knack of observing, yelled out : “ Well, I'll be hanged ef that thing don't beat my time squirtin' sweeten’ water !” While a crowd of them were looking at our magnificent courthouse, one exclaim ed : " Ain't she bully ! Boys, I’ll bet that house cost live hundred dollars !” The Hell Fundi I.hv. Merchant's <£• Mechanic's Advertiser. The new whisky law recently passed by the General Assembly of Virginia requires every drink dispensed at the drinking sa oons throughout the State to be registered, upon which a certain tax is levied. The instrument for registration of “ drinks ” is similar to the “ bell punch” used on the street railways, one of which will be put up in every bar room. The law requires a tax of £ cent per drink on lager beer and cents on alco holic liquors. In the city of Richmond there are 287 saloons anil 54 wholesale iquor dealers, and assuming 75,000 inhab itants as the population of the city, it is estimated that there are 220 persons to every liquor establishment, and that under the “ bell punch ” law, the amount of liquor tax to be paid annually to the city of Richmond will be about $224,000 and possibly more. A similar law in this State would upon the same hypothesis, insure to the city a reve nue of over $500,000 per annum, which would greatly relieve our citizens of their present burthensome taxation. The City and State should be aroused to the enormous evil of intoxicating drink, and do all in its power to make it pay its proper share of the taxes, and to reduce the use of such drink to its minimum. No respectable seller of liquor can object to either of these demands. In this connec tion it should be remembered that while they are making their living by selling in toxicating drinks, there are others who get their death thereby ; if they get rich others become poor; if they are made prominent thereby, others are brought to the gutter ; if they get happy thereby, there are thou sands who are made wretched and misera ble. Taking these things into serious con sideration, is it not tbe part of wisdom for our State legislature and municipal author ities, for the sake of their own fellow man, to do all in their power to lessen this fearful evil ? “Tlie Dark Kelling- Raiiube.” The river Danube has figured largely in history for two thousand years, and it again becomes the object to which the eyes of the world are turned. It furnished a highway for the Turks in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries to penetrate Europe as far as Vienna, and in the days of the crusades it became an outlet for the reli gious enthusiasm of Europe to flow to the Holy Land. The Danube, from its sources in Baden to the Black Sea. is 1,820 miles long, and it drains, with its tributaries, an area of over three hundred thousand square miles. It passes through Bavaria, Austria Hungary, forms the boundary between Hungary and Servia to the Carpathean mountain, where it separates Roumania and Bulgaria, and passes into the Black Sea through several mouths, the principal one being that of Sulia. The Danube is navigable for steamers as far as l.'lm, in Bavaria. At Nicopolis, in the fourteenth century, 100,000 Christians were driven by the Turks into the Danube, and in the fifteenth century 40,000 Turks were slain on its shores at the siege of Belgrade. A Fable from I lie Argonaut. New York World. A young cock and a hen were speaking of the size of eggs. Said the cock : “ I once laid au egg—” “Oh. you did!” interrupted the hen, with a derisive cackle. “ Bray, how did you manage it?” The cock felt injured in his self-esteem, and turning his back upon the hen, ad dressed himself to a brood of young chicks. “ I once laid an egg—” The chickens chirped incredulously and passed on. The insulted bird reddened in the wattles with indignation, and strutting up to the patriarch of the entire barnyard repeated his assertion. The patriarch nod ded gravely, as if the feat were an every day affair, and the other continued : “ I once laid an egg alongside a water melon and compared the two. The vege table was considerably the larger.” This fable is intended to show the ab surdity of hearing all a man has to say. HARTWELL, GA„ WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 1877. Feline. The St. Louis Journal perpetrates tho following epic : “ Come with me and be my love? Meow 1 How Now? Come from the woodshed roof above, Near Here, Dear ! Never mind that brindled fellow— That Fat Cat! Listen to my wooing mellow, Low, Slow— Oh!!! From the window far above, At That Cat, A cruel man a bootjack hove ; It Hit Kit. On the ground tho lover lay, Bns-ted Head— Dead, While the sweetheart skipped away, Mad, Sad, Scared. But the brindled fellow— That Fat Cat, Wooed her in such accents mellow— So Neat, Sweet, That he won her young affection— True Blue, Too ! While her first love endured dissection, Sweet Sausage Meat !” As tile World Wags. FARMERS IN-1825. Men to the plow, Wife to the cow, Girls to the yarn, Boys to the liarn, And all dues settled. FARMERS IN 1850. Men a mere show, Girls at the piano, Wife, silk and satin, Boys. Greek and Latin, And all hands gazetted. FARMERS IN 1877. Men all in debt, Wives in a pet. Boys mere muscles, Girls puffs and ruffles, And everybody cheated. Correct. True bill. A Snake Story. The Jackson (Tennessee) Sun of last week contained a remarkable story about a lady and snake in that city. According to the particulars recited, the lady, who is fifty-seven years of age. had for twenty years or more carried a live snake in her stomach. The reptile was always more lively.in its movements a short time after meals than at other times, causing to the victim the most unpleasant sensation of both mind and body—producing nausea, heartburn, and a slight distension of the stomach. These movements ceased about three weeks ago, and, a week later, a snake ten inches in length and as large as a man's finger was discharged. Mr. Robert Gates, the editor of the Sun, who is now on a visit to Louisville, in a conversation with ar Courier-Journal reporter, says he knows the lady well, and substantiates the story by the most positive affirmation that he knows every word of it to be true, lie gives the name of the lady as Mrs. Dr. Alex. Jackson. He says that Mrs. Jack son thinks she must have drank the snake in embryo from a spring while attending a squirrel stew in West Tennessee over twenty years ago. Somnambulist. A young man who lives on a farm near Bochara. Australia, lately went to sleep on a sofa after a hard day’s work, and had been lying there sometime when he got up and went outside. His companions ob served that he walked with a slaggering gait, but little notice was taken of the mat ter. they expected him to rejoin them im mediately. The somnambulist, for such he was, passed through three or four gates, untying and retying the fastenings, which are made of rope, and made his way to the woolshed. There he hung his coat upon a nail, took down a pair of shears he had been using in the daytime, and proceeded to sharpen them, lie next caught a sheep, and haa just finished shearing, when he was awakened by the sudden arrival of his friends, who had come with a lantern to search for him. The shock of awakening caused him to tremble like a leaf, but he soon retained his equanimity. The sheep was shorn as well as if the work had been performed in broad davlight, and the night was by no means a clear one. The I.ilHtor u War. II ridges Smith') Paper. The Turkeys and the Russian Leather heads are at war. The blue Danube which waltzes along through the country is now red with the blood of the warring people. The latest advices from Wipeyourchinoff indicate that the Leatherheads are moving slowly into the city of Whatyoueallit, and that the Turkeys are trotting toward Dain phiknowitsnamc. We did intend giving our readers an ac curate map of the seat of war, hut tho car penter whom we employed to build it at tended the Sunday-school Celebration May Day, and has been drunk ever since. We regret this, as wo always endeavor to be progressive. Wo never spare expense to comfort our readers. Their interest is ours. Our contemporary was startled the other day because we expended twenty five cents in purchasing cobalt for a small negro who we thought would die and thus afford an item. Time and again have we lavished our nickles on bananas and thrown their peelings on the sidewalk that high toned pedestrians might slip up and break their necks. We rejoice in such items. It always sends a thrill of joy through our frame when we calmly view the placid re mains of a coroner’s subject. Therefore, we feel keenly the indisposition of our car penter. We could have used one favored us by Bennett, of the New York Herald but we disdain to use second-hand material, especially second-hand war maps. Noth ing is more disgusting than a second-hand war map. They are invariably fly-specked and mildewed. At some future period, we will continue these interesting remarks anent the East ern war. In the meantime we beg the public to hold their breath and keep their shirts on until we resume the duty. A Rat In A Rustic. But for the pluck of a young pretty wo man the other morning there would have been an exciting scene in a local train on one of our railroads. The blustrv condition of the morning made people aon their clothing with an un usual degree of alacrity. The young lady referred to took the train, and having set tled herself in a seat commenced to review a hastily- made toilet. Feeling something move behind her she gave an indignant look at the young man who occupied the seat with her, supposing that he nad placed his hand upon the ground sacred to the latest style of bustle, A crawling sensation quickly convinced her that something other than a human hand was threading the mysterious mazes of the garments beneath her red petticoat. She followed the object with her hand until it made a semi-circle around her body, and then seized it. Had the young man dared he would have assisted her, but those striped stockings, that had just cost seventy-five cents, were not to be profaned by a man's rude touch. Bale as death, the young lady whispered to him to raise the window quickly. Ho did so, and sup posing that she might have eaten some thing for her breakfast that did not agree with her, he instantly hopped out of the seat. Scarcely had he done so when, with her other hand, she drew forth a huge rat and slung him into the middle of next July. The animal had probably got into the bus tle as a roosting place in the early hours of a very cold morning. A SliKhl Mhtuke. The present Archbishop of Dublin, the gifted author of the work so widely known on the “ Study of Words,” is not in very robust health* and has been for manjr years apprehensive of paralysis. At a recent dinner in Dublin, given by the Lord Lieu tenant of Ireland, his grace sat on the right of his hostess, the Duchess of Abercorn. In the midst of the dinner the company was startled by seeing the Archbishop rise from his seat, and still more startled to hear him exclaim, in a dismal and sepul chral tone, “ It has come! it has come!” “ What has come, your Grace?” eagerly cried half a dozen voices from different parts of the table. “ What I have been expecting for twenty years,” solemnly answered the Archbishop —“ a stroke of paralysis. I have been pinching myself for the last twenty minutes and find myself entirely without sensa tion.” “Bardon me, my dear Archbishop,” said the Duchess, looking up to him with a somewhat quizzical smile—“pardon me for contradicting you, but it is / that you have beenpinchmg /” War Mh|m. Schedler's Map of the Black Sea, Asia Minor, the Caucasus, Southern Russia. Roumania. and Eastern Turkey. Engraved on stone, carefully printed and colored. Scale, 1 :3,000,000. Size, 22x28 inches. Brice, folded and in cover, 40 cents. This Map is very accurately compiled from the latest and most complete mate rial. It presents, at one glance, the scene of the war, both in Europe and in Asia. Published by E. Steiger, 22 & 24 Frankfort Street, New York, by whom copies will be promptly mailed upon re ceipt of price. The publisher has made preparations for bringing out additional war maps, as soon as such may become necessary. Over a thousand window-panes broken by hail in the town of Anderson recently. STANDARD OF THE PROPHET. Atlanta (Wilulion. In tho Seraglio is an old yellow rag that the faithful call the Sandjak-Sherif, or tho sacred banner of the prophet. It is claim ed that it was made from a curtain which hung before the apartment of Aycsha, one of Mohammed's wives. Ridiculous as tho banner may seem in Christian eves, to tbe Mussulman it represents the faith of his fathers. It arouses, ns nothing else can, nil the fanaticism of bis nature. No Ma homuu'daii can resist it. “It is,” says Mr. Moncure Conway, “a fact not universally known Hint it is a part of the Turkish creed that success in war is quite independent of numbers and weapons; that it depends solely on the will of Allah; and conse quently it is the tradition of the Turkish sultans in every case—whatever be tbe real ground of the quarrel—to assign a re ligious ground for each war. All other wars are technically unjust. Thus Soli mnii 11., when he was defeated by the Ger mans, at once regarded it as an indication that Allah had not been interested in a war which was not purely for his sake, and remedied tho case by proclaiming that bo undertook the war “for no other cause but merely the propagation of the faith.” Allah is believed very jealous on this point even when it is one of etiquette. In pur suance of tbe tradition, every sultan on his accession visits tho holy monument Eyn hornarl, where tbe cliiel’ prolate girds him with a sword, using the words, “ Go ; vic tory is yours, but only yours from God. The present sultan went through this cere mony with unusual solemnities. He and bis people unquestionably feel that the fate of Islam is now in the balance.” The ting of the prophet is to bo unfolded beyond all question; the Softas are at work inflaming the people, who are already ready to die in defence of their faith ; and the bloody and desperate war will be apt to include not only the Maliomtnedans of Turkey, but those of India, Egypt and I‘ersia as well. In that case Russia would have to fight armies recruited from 200.- 000,000 of people, all ready to fling life away in the service of their religion. Such a war is to be dreaded, hut such a war has long been inevitable; and now that it is begun it should go on until the fate of Mos lcmism in Europe is finally and forever de cided. NUMBER 38. A Had Man Willi a Hail Dye. Detroit Free I’reit. There were five passengers on Wood ward avenue car going north yesterday— four women and a man. The man was long bodied and his eyes had a squint, but yet no one suspected him of being a fiend. It happened that one of the women sneezed, and the man suddenly made a dive under a parcel on the seat and then held up a glass eye between his thumb and finger. “ Who sneezed her glass eye out?” ho blandly inquired, as he looked from one to the other. There was an awful silence. The women turned red and pale and cast sly glances at each other and then at the false eye. “Which of you sneezed ?” softly inouired the man, while he held the eye halt way across the aisle. “1 didn't!” replied one, and in a min ute all denied the fact. “ Well, I have two natural eyes, you can all see,” continued the man, “and of course I had no use for this. It seems to me that the owner should claim it as she may find it very difficult to procure an other as good. I will leave it on the cush ion and turn my back to all of you.'’ “ And I will leave the car !” exclaimed one of the women as she pulled the strap. They were all of the same mind, and as they walked away from each other each one looked back and mused : “ 1 wonder why she didn't claim it ?” - Didn't Know Him. A California paper tells the following of Lieutenant Derby, “ John Bhoenix,” the humorist: One evening, at the theatre, Bhoenix observed a man sitting three seats in front whom he thought he knew ; he re quested the person sitting next to him to punch the other with his cane, The polite stranger did so, and the person turning his head a little he discovered his mistake— that he was not the man he took him for. Fixing his attention steadfastly on the play, and affecting unconsciousness of the whole affair, he left the man with a cane to settle with the other for the disturbance, who being wholly without an excuse, there was of course, a ludicrous and embarrassing scene, during all which Bhoenix was pro foundly interested in the play. At last the man with the cane asked, rather indig nantly : “ Didn’t you tell me to punch that man with my stick?” “ Yes.” “And what did you want?” “ 1 wanted to sec whether you would punch him or not.” Hi* Personal Sacrifice. An applicant for the San Antonio post office is absolutely certain that Hayes will give it to him. As there are about twenty in hot pursuit of the office, we had the cu riosity to know what made him so positive. “ Are you the widow of a deceased army officer, witli a family to support?” we asked. He replied that he had never tried to be anybodys widow. “ Did you stump for Haves, or were you on the returning board, or did you save the Union in the same regiment with Haves, or did you go to singing school with Whee ler. or how is it, anyhow, that you know Hayes will appoint you ?” “Well, you see I’ve made personal sacrifices for Hayes.” “ How so?” “ It’s confidential, remember.” “ Certainly, honor bright.” “Well, I lost five gallons of whiskey and SSO worth of cigars betting on Tilden. I have sent on the receipted bills with my application.”