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A RUSSIAN PRIEST'S ARTIFICE. Sketches in liu*ia. All but the tall priest then threw their cards on the table, and rose, spring, “ A fresh deal after church service. (It was Sunday morning.) *• No. no.” he said, “ keep your hand, nartner; 1 shall keep mine—it is a good one—and we shall play the game after our return. Here, Vassill ; give inc a towel wet. That will do. Now my robes— there, that comb. And now go, every one of you to your posts.” ..... „ Thus saying, he proceeded, with a firm step to the church, by a private entrance. \s he left the room l saw him place his irood hand of cards within his sacred robes, (under the inside fastening, lie was evi dently determined not to lose sight of his trumps, and carried them off on his person into the church. I ran round to the front entrance, and was just in time to witness the commencement of the service. It is a wonder judgment did not fall on the chief priest; and it did in a way. At one part of the service, just as he was stepping on the platform, lie put his hand inside his robe to pull out his handkerchief, and as he drew It out the cards came also unhidden and fell scattered over the altar floor. This would have paralyzed any ordinary man, tfut that priest never moved for a moment, lie looked coolly at the cards, then steadi ly at the people, as much as to say, “ You all see that —take notice of it ; I shall tell you about it by and by.” He then con tinued the service. At the close he point ed at the cards, then beckoned a little peas ant boy, with a short skirt of coarse linen trowsers (o match, not very clean, who had been crossing and bending beside a poor peasant woman, his mother. “ Come here !” The boy went. Turning to the congregation, he said : “ 1 shall give you a lesson you will not forget for some time. You see those cards on the iloor ? Do you think I put them there for nothing? We shall see. What is your name, my hoy?” “ Peter Petrovitch.” “ Well. Peter Petrovitch, go and pick up one of those cards you see on the floor, and bring it to me. There, that will do. Now tell me, Peter Petrovitch, what card is this?” “ The ace of spades,” said the hoy, with ready knowledge. •* Very good. Peter Petrovitch ; bring me another. What card is this?” “ The queen of spades,” said Peter. “How well you know them, Peter! ; Bring me another. And what may that l he ?” “ The ten of hearts.” | “That will do, Peter, the son of Peter. I Now turn round and look at this picture. ! Can you tell me what saint it represents?” The bov scratched at his head, then shrugged his little shoulders, lifting them up to his cars, then scratched his head again, and said : “ T know not.” “ Now look at this one—who is this?” The same answer. “ And this ?” “I cannot tell.” “ That will. do. Peter, the son of Peter ; you may go to your mother.” Turning to the people, he continued, “Do you now know for what purpose l put these cards on the floor? Do you not think shame of yourselves? Tell me, say is it not dis graceful and scandalous that the nice white haired little boy can tell me in a moment the name of every card in the pack, and he not know the name of one of the blessed saints? 0 shame, shame on ye, so to bring up the young after all the good teaching 1 have given you this blessed day. Don't forget it. and force me to bring cards into this holy place again. Vassill, put the other cards up. and keep them for me.” So. with solemn step, he left the church to play out liis interrupted game. Ask (lie Old Woman. A gentleman travelling out \\ est relates the following : Riding horseback just at night through the woods in Signor county Michigan, 1 came into the clearing, in the middle o! which stood a log house, its owner sitting in the door smoking his pipe. Stopping ni} r horse before him, the following conver sation ensued: “ Good evening, sir,” said I. “Good evening.” “ Can I get a glass of milk from you to drink?” *■ Well I don't know. Ask the old wo man.” By this time his wife was standing at his side. “ Oh, yes, said she, of course you can.” While drinking it I asked : “ Think we are going to have a storm . “ Well 1 really don't know. Ask the old woman—she can tell.” “ I guess he shall get one right away, she said. Again I asked : “ llow much land have you got cleared here?” “ Well I really don't know. Ask; the old woman —she knows.” •• About nineteen acres,” said she, again answering. Just then a troop of children came run ning and shouting around the corner of the shanty. “ All these your children?” said 1. “ Don't know. Ask the old woman she knows.” 1 did not wait to hear any reply, but drew up the reins and left immediately. A .Joke wit Is a Hotel lire Apparatus. Anew electric alarm lias been intro duced into the St. George Hotel, Philadel phia. The machine the other night was inade the subject of a practical test by a party of young men. headed by a young naval officer, who. in their desire to perpe trate what they no doubt looked upon as a practical joke.'did not consider the serious results tliat might have ensued. The ap paratus affords instantaneous knowledge of high temperature in every part of the house. When the heat rises above ninety degrees a bell rings behind the office desk, and rings louder as the heat grows greater. From a large water tank situated on the roof that portion of the building in flames can be instantly flooded with water. W ith gleeful smiles the leader of the jovial p.frty applied a lighted match to that por tion of the apparatus connected with the room in w hich they were located, and m- $1.50 A YEAR. stantly the bells in the office rang out vig orously, the members of the tire brigade rushed to their allotted posts and the wa ter poured in upon the nice young men. dampening their spirits and their clothes and drenching the carpet and furniture. The lady guests ran screaming from their rooms, the once smiling youths swam out from the apartment, squeezed their stream ing clothes and tried not to look foolish, and failed most .admirably. Matters ex plained. the threatened panic was averted, and the damp young men stood before the clerk’s desk, little rivulets streaming be hind them, while a nice little bill of dam ages was made out for the practical jokers. Two *‘€liTce" for One. Jloxton Commercial llullclin. The English language is often a puzzle to foreigners, and sometimes drives an Amer ican hotel keeper into a corner, as for in stance in the following experience at the Fifth Avenue Hotel, where a wealthy French guest came to complain at the of fice. and was then met by the gracious Griswold, who rose to explain : “ What for, sare, your garcon not pre sent my demand ?” “ Your demand. Monsieur?” “ Yes, sare. Do I speak lnglis per fail, sare? Do you comprehend me. sare?” “Certainly, your English is perfectly correct, my dear sir. What is your de sire?” “ Yy, sare, j r ou can tell me T can have at my private table wis my frens vatever 1 desire to manger—pardon, to eat.” “ Certainly.” said Griswold ; “anything —stewed dudbloons and diamond sauce, if you wish.” “Ah. no. Monsieur, zat is too richc. T simply desire some grice.” “Eh ! some what?” “Some grice. Monsieur Griswold, such as I eat for my dinnay ze ozer day.” “Ah! you mean rice, boiled rice—cer tainly, ail the rice you desire.” “ No, sare ! It is not rice. Zat is what zat premier garcon—head wait are—say. It is a bird I want, sare ; 1 want him roast, not boil.” “ Roast grice ! Why, let me see,” said Griswold, in a dilemma, not wishing to ap pear ignorant of his guest's meaning. "I don’t believe there is a single grice in the market.” “ Ah, you make meestake ven you say single grice.” “ Indeed?” “ Yes. sar. Yat you call a leetle rat!” “ Mouse.” suggested the hotel proprietor. ‘‘Yes. Zen. two of zcm. vat you call two —mice, eh?” “ Quite correct,” responded the host. “ Zen, if one is ze bird you call grouse, two is what you call grice. eh ?” “ Why, not exactly,” said the hotel man, struggling to keep countenance; “we say too grouse, just as we say two sheep or two deer—but for mouse, mice, and—” “ Yaas, sar,” said Monsieur, triumphant ly, “ and vy not you say two hice for [two houses, or two louse for two louses, or—” How far he might have continued cannot be said but at that moment the head clerk. Palmer, standing near, had a violent attack of coughing, and Carr, the room clerk walked off suddenly and slammed on the big bell, and called for “front” to do something, and stuck his own head down beneath the counter, as the amused host walked away towards the dining hall wiih his guest to" order the “ two grice ” for Monsieur’s private table. Klinkus sc lid l!io Kl)lcr. Last night, just after Blink us and his wife were snugly stowed away in bed. Mrs. 13. thought she heard the front door slam. “ Ilubbic dear, do you bear that front door slamming?” “No, dearie, I locked it just before T wound up the clock.” “ I didn't sec you go out in the ball.” “ lint 1 did, love.” “ I think you must be mistaken.” “ Well, I know when I locked the door, dammit!” “Now, you shan't swear at me. That door is open and you know it. 'Snosen the burglars get in and carry off all the silver. We'd be in a nice fix.” “They'd be worse off with the old pla ted stuff. Besides, who in h—l ever heard of a burglary above A street?” “ Tf you don't get up and lock that door, I'll rush out and scream for the police. I'll rouse the neihgborhood if it's the last act of my life.” Blinkus, somewhat alarmed at the threat, rose up and began to fumble around for a match. “ The matches are at the end of the washstand. love.” Blinkus passed at the point designated and broke a soap-dish. “ I never saw such an awkward man since I was born,” quoth Mrs. 13. from the bed, just as 15. stumbled hack over a spittoon, and sat down in it so forcibly that it was smashed into forty pieces. “O Lord !” ejaculated Mrs. 15. Blinkus next struck his toe against a towel rack, and an oath dissolved itself in to the darkness. Then he stepped on the baby's rattle and ran one of the points in to his foot half an inch. Jumping aside he upset the center-table, and began to floun der out toward the hall. His young hope ful's chair was there, and he fell over it six different times before he reached the door. “ Was it open?” queried a voice from the bed. “ No. !” “Oh ! it must have been something else I heard.” The Chicago baby show was a sad fail ure. Thousands of indignant women re fused to contribute, on the ground that the show was given on too short notice. HARTWELL, G.V., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 13, 1877. llu.yeV* Praver. Now I lay mi Down to sleep, 1 have no wish Awake to keep ; My pray’r is, while 1 close my eyes. Don't wake me up Till Duller dies. Oh! Farm Not lliv Habit. Savannah Mornitty .Vrir*. BY MRS. EMJSABHTH O. HANXKI.I.EY. Oh ! form not the habit, the chain is ne'er riven Except by a power that cometh from Heaven ; Though formed link by link, drop by drop of the wine. So easily welded by efforts of thine. Only G od, in his mercy, can sunder the ties. And clear the dim mist from thy “ blood shot ten ” eyes. Oh ! form not the habit, the Tempter will say Sweet things to allure, to beguile thee away ; She'll tell thee the goblet is sparkling and bright, But say naught of “adders,” their veno mous ” bile;” She'll speak of the roses of health it will bring. But nothing will say of the “ serpents ” that “ sting Though coiled at the bottom, all hid from I by sight, Is the viper so dark, ’neath the surface so bright, She’ll beg thee to drink till his fang hath struck deep ; Her vigils no longer she'll then slay to keen. For well doth she know that her victim is bound With a fiery cable wrapt tightly around. Oh ! form not the habit, go not to the brink. That were easier far than to rise when we sink ; ’Twere easier now, happy youth, tosayno. Than to rise from the depths of unspeak able woe ; ’Twere easier far to win laurels of fame, Than wipe the dark stains from a once tar nished name. Oh ! form not the habit, (he drunkard’s dark grave Oft is reached while he cries : “ 1 am free, not a slave !” And the echo comes back, like the tide of the sea, “ A drunkard, no never, no ne'er shall I be !” lie cries : “I can break,” while lie rivets the chain. And sinks ’neath his fetters to rise not again. Oh! “touch not,” or “handle,” Oh! “ taste not ” the wine, Though its rubys, its heads, and its dia monds shine; They glitter to light up the same thorny way, That have ever led others from virtue away. Oh ! form not the habit, the chain is ne'er riven, Except by a power that cometh from Heaven. I’opplcioii‘N .Mistake, Xorrutvwn Herald. A Chinese physician says that in case of nightmare, instead of rudely awaking the sleeper by bringing in a light, you should bite his toe.” This is a very simple remedy—at least Mrs. Poppleton thought so, for she treasured the recipe up in one of the chambers of Iter memory, and Hie other night, when Poppleton was seized with a two-horse nightmare, seventeen hands high, and in a mulHed and ghostly voice muttered, “ Owhowhwohho ! Uug ughngh !" as if a circus elephant was per forming tricks on his stomach, she quickly slid to the foot of the bed, and was in the act of seizing his big toe in her teeth, when the dreamer gave a vigorous kick and Mrs. Poppleton was shot over the tail-hoard of the bed on to the floor, with four teeth half way down her throat. The noise awaken ed Poppleton. and hearing his wife scream ing at the rate of forty knots an hour, he thought no less than ten thousand masked burglars were in the room, and, without striking a light, he seized a chair and wildly struck right and left all over the room, nearly braining Mrs. Poppleton before he saw the situation of affairs. It was a ter rible mistake, and Mrs. Poppleton was laid up for two weeks and five days, and the first thing she did when she recovered sufficient strength was to smash one hun dred and seventy-five dollars' worth of Chinese curiosities she had purchased at the Centennial; and she says if she were a man she would go to China and not return home until she had split open that physi cian from head to foot, or words to that effect. Poppleton enjoys his nightmares as of yore, without wifely interference, How to liaise Mosquitoes. The following quiet hit of sarcasm, which we find in the Raleigh News, should he a hint to some of our citizens whose hack yards perchance are graced with buckets or barrels of slops and water: As the mosquito season is rapidly ad vancing and the.mode of propagating them may not he known to most of our citizens, we propose to give a few points for the ben efit of all concerned. Get a few barrels, half barrels, or tubs of half barrel capaci ty. fill with water as soon as possible (the season is advancing and the older the water the better) and place them about the yard; by the first of June you may look out for Ia good errp. You need have no fears of the result of the experiment; they will conic sure, provided you do not disturb the water vessels. If the barrels, half barrels or tubs arc already supplied with rain wa ter from .the caves or gutter spouts, so much the better for r.n early crop. —- Tl ONI I.ove. Vcmjthi* Avalamh*. Last Tuesday afternoon Detective Prvde stepped on hoard the steamer John B. Maude ns she touched the levee, and ap proaching n brunette lending a white poodle, politely told her that she was wanted on n telegram received from St. Louis. “ it's my husband,” said she. “ I will wait, but he can never induce me to live with him again.” She walked to the Wor sham House with a firm tread and her lit tle white poodle behind her. The husband arrived in duo time. An interview was arranged and took place. Mr. Gardner approached madam with ex tended hand, but madam would have none of it. What did the deserted husband do then? Ho knew well the path to the wo man heart. Tenderly and gently he led her memory hack to the little cradle and its baby inmate in which mingled their blood in common ; thence he brought to her mind the baby shoes, the little torn apron, the hall, the marble—all that remain of their ! idol now in heaven. The mother’s he rt, through the little dead form, and the swt piclure of the white (lowers on a short coffin, warmed again toward the father of her hoy. Her face twitched with emotion, and as the bright days of the honeymoon were brought hack to her thoughts, sobs shook her frame, and between tears she said, “ I'll return with you.” The battle was won, and husband, wife and the little white poodle returned to St. Louis by the first train. To Measure l.anil. A progressive farmer says the most sim ple way to measure land is to take two slats about six feet long, sharpen one end of each, lay them upon a floor like a pair of open compasses, so that the points shall be exactly five feet and six inches apart; now nail the other two ends together and a piece across the middle, so that it will look like the letter A. and the measure is finish ed. To measure land, place one point at the starting place, and the other also on the ground in a straight line for destination ; stand alongside the machine with one hand on top of it; take one step forward, tip up the point that is behind, swing it around (from you) on the other point and set it in a line also. A person in this manner can measure correctly as fast as he can walk. Three spaces make a rod—walk straight without stopping, count the spaces, divide these by three, and you have the rods. A I'sp of S*‘w. One of our exchanges indulges in the use of P’s to express wliat it may be health ful to all subscribers to newspapers to read, meditate and inwardly digest. It says: “ Persons who patronize papers should pay promptly, for the pecuniary prospccis of the press have peculiar power m pushing forward public prosperity. If the printer is paid promptly and his pocket hook kept plethoric by prompt-paying pa trons. he puts his pen to paper in peace; he paints his pictures of passing events in more pleasant colors, and the perusal of his paper is more pleasure to his people. Paste this piece of proverbial philosophy in some place where all persons can per ceive it. Be pleased also to ponder upon it thyself patiently and perscveringly and profitably, and persistently practice its precepts perpetually.” The Burlington Ifawlri/e man is as well as could be expected, lie gave the baby some paragoric the other day anil launched out thus : " Death, while passing through lies Moines county one day, met an lowa tramp going to Burlington to beg his break fast. Ah !” exclaimed the King of Ter rors, with a grim smile, “I’d give SI,OOO to get hold of one of you fellows.” But the tramp only laughed in a sardonical manner, and giving Death a kick that made his anatomy rattle like a street car. passed on to his repast while the King of'l errors sat down on the hillside and cried with vexation.” And then lie immediately turned right around and did thus : “ A man on Pond street went down to a New York bankrupt sale the other day and bought a beautiful spring suit, imported goods worth SBS for $7.50. The first day he wore it he was caught in a drenching rain, and then as he walked out in the sun shine his new clothes began to shrink up around his shoulders and pulled his arms out of joint, and his Irowsers gathered themselves up like a balky horse, picked the man up, walked him along on his lip toes for a half a block, and were just on the point of twisting him clear over a gar den fence, when his suspenders gave way and let them fly right over his head and he never saw them again.” Among the papers of a thief arrested in New York last week were found written the following truths : “ Vice is only lazi ness. and law-breaking an attempt to dodge the law of labor.” “ The chief cause of crime is the desire to obtain aliiing by some easier means than honest toil.” Two young ladies were once singing a duet in a concert room. A stranger, who had heard better performance, turned to his neighbor, saying : “Does not the lady in white sing wretchedly?” “Excuse me, sir,” replied he, “ I scarcely feel at liberty to express my sentiments; she is my sis ter.’ - “ I beg your pardon, sir,” answered he, in much confusion, “ 1 mean the lady in blue.” “ You are perfectly right there,” replied the neighbor; “I have often told her so myself; she is my wife.” FINNY BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH. Tlie OawiUh. 1 1 s Origin, Habit**, I *c, lilliiM licrude**. )mi 111 ies mill Deled*,. \a*hritU .1 merienn. This muscular crustacean is a cross be tween a freak of nature and the crab tribe. It has twenty-one stripes around its tail and one down the middle of its hack. Its eyes are set on stems and its mouth is placed in its bosom, in order, we suppose, to economize emotional space. 11 develops when growing up a proverbial agility for getting out of had places last end foremost, ; according to the Scriptural injunction that | the last shall be first, which is altogether | commendable. The creature is altogether an animal of a retiring disposition. He is first cousin to the nimble shrimp, hut like Abraham and Lot. these two dwelt not to gether in unity, lienee the nimble shrimp took up his abode among the lakes and rivers, and the crawfish dwelt in the ditch es and on the plains, where the tall cliitn nevs of his abode may he seen dotting iho landscape unto this day, signifying unto the beholder that the animal belonged origin ally to the Masonic order, mid has always been among mud-slingers the champion thereof. The most disreputable trait of this beast consists in his being an uninit iga ed bore, only equalled by the parisiti cal office seeker anti excelled only by the persistant exehnnge fiend. The red noso of the crawfish bet rays liis praiswortliy aversion to water. So great is the crea ture’s abhorence of this liquid that ever since bis creation be lias been engaged in laudable endeavors to let all the water out of the earth by boring holes through its bottom, anti it is not his fault that lie has not yet succeeded. Crawfish are some times eaten. One way to cook them is to boil them in salt and water till they are j done to a sunrise turn, then givo them to the hogs. Another way, ami this wo rec ! commend, is to take the crawfish, give them to a good cook, in sufficient numbers. | let him boil them, peel them, stuff them , with proper seasoning, insert the stuffing in the cleansed head of the boiled animal, and serve the whole upon the table in the shape of n “ bisque ” —a dish fit for the most delicate painted among the gods. Outside of being instrumental in making Jup the elements of a first class bisque, we do not know what the crawfish is good for, unless it he to lake the place of some of the missing weights in the eternal equipoise of creation, where to use a common simile, they appear to be ns useful ns sand in sugar. Crawfishes cannot be said to he endowed with keen menial faculties, inasmuch as they permit themselves to he taken in by such simple animals as the coons, and this is the way the coon goes about it: As soon as he discovers a crawfish bathing he hides his head and drops his tail over the brink into the water, the crawfish, curious as Mother Eve. discovering a tempting similnrit yin the number of rings ilint adorn the coon’s tail, takes hold for a mmole's examination; the coon makes a spring for ward. drawing the unwary crawfish on dry land, where lie devours him at leisure, thus doing more than any Federal admin istration or even the Louisiana Levee Com pany has over done toward protect'tig the fertile lands of our beloved .State from in undation, and furthermore adorning its (ale (we don't intend this for a pun) with the moral which is new only for craw fishes, that “ all that glitters is not gold !” A laughable story is related of Dunning, an English judge. It is said of him that frequently, in the examination of witnesses, he often “displayed great coarseness, and drew upon himself the animadversion of his brethren.” On one occasion, wishing to establish the identity of a party through the instrumentality of an unsophisticated old woman (occupying the witness stand), the following highly amusing colloquy is said to have taken place between Dunning and the old woman. “ Was he a tall man ?” “ Not very tall, your honor—much about the size of your worship’s honor.” “ Was lie good looking?” “ Quite contrary—much like your honor; but with a handsomer nose.” “ Did he squint ?” “ A little, your worship ; but not so much as your honor by a great deal !” These replies produced a roar of laugh ter in the court, in which Lord Mansfield (who was on the Bench) is said to have joined. NUMRER 4>. The Baltimore Aw rican referring to the extraordinary prevalence of suicide at this time adds : “We can recall a number of instancss in which men who were out of employment, after seeking work for many days and finding none, deliberately put an end to their existence. 1 hey had families, and it was the phantom of a starving house hold that unsettled their reason and par alyzed their moral faculties. But, strange enough the unhappy wives, who are thus deserted in their poverty, struggle bravely on, and it is a rare circumstance that one ofthem dies by her own hand. Some wo men are driven to suicide by religious ex citement. and others prefer death to a life of shame, but the sex enjoys comparative immunity from the two causes which cre ate the self-destroying mania in men— namely, drunkenness and the despair which spring’s from the apprehension of starva tion.” “ ft was at that critical moment of the battle.” said a Bubuquc minister in an im passioned burst of eloquence last Sabbath, ••when the Wuke of Dellington— I mean the Belle of Wullington—l should say, when the Wclk of Dullington—that is, when the Dale of Welkington at the wat tle of liattcrloo—er—urn.” And then somehow the passage appeared to be so badly mangled that lie didn't think it would pay to repair it, so he said, ” And lastly,” and went on. Belton, (S. C..) produced a mad dog which played havoc with the canines of that quiet town on last Thursday night by biting a great many of them. The dog was killed by ('apt. Ira C. Williams, and many of the bitten dogs were also killed, and others have been put up to await re sults. —Anderson Intelligencer. Just circulate the report that a Sunday school picnic will be given in a few weeks, and see if your school doesn't rapidly increase in numbers. Lads will go who never went before, and th*ec who generally go will go the more.