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THK BRAVE LITTLE BTOAWAY.
u\y ay, sir; they're smart seamen
enough, no doubt, them Dalmatians and
reason good, too, seem’ they man half the
Austrian Navy; but they am t got the
seasonin' of an Englishman, put it how yer
T lll *
1 am standing on the upper deck of the
Austrian Lloyd steamer, and beside me,
with his elbow on the hand-rail and his
short pipe between his teeth, lounged the
stalwart chief-engineer, delighted to get
hold of a listener whojas he phrases it)
“ has been about a bit,
.. No • they aint got an Englishman s
seasonin’,” he continues, “and what's
more, they ain’t got an Englishman's pluck
neither, not when it comes to a real
M "('an no one but an Englishman have
anv pluck, then ?” asked I, laughing.
Well, 1 wont just go for to say that; of
course a man as is a man 'ull have pluck
in him all the world over. I've seed a
Frencher tackle a shark to save his mess
mate; and I've seed a Rooshan stand to
liis gun arter every man in the battery, bar
riif himself, had been blowedall to smash.
But, if yer come to that, the pluckiest fel
ler as ever I seed warn't a man at all !”
“ What was he, then ?—a woman ?” #
“ No. nor that neither; though, mark ve,
I don't go for to say as how women aint
got pluck enough too, some on ’em at least.
But this un as I'm a talkin' on was a little
lad, not much bigger 'in Tom Thumb, only
with a sperrit of his own as 'ud ha' blowed
up a man-o'war a'most. Would yer like
to hear about it?”
I eagerly assent; and the narrator,
knocking the ashes out of his pipe, folds
his brawny arms upon the top of the rail,
and commences as follows :
“ 'Rout three years ago, afore T got this
berth as I'm in now. I was second engin
eer aboard a Liverpool steamer bound for
New York. There'd been a lot of extra
cargo sent down just at the last minute,
and we’d had no end of a job stowin’ it
away, and that ran us late o’ startin’; so
that altogether, as you may think, the
cap'n warn’t altogether in the sweetest
temper in the world, nor the mate neither.
As for the chief engineer, he was an easy
goin’ sort o' chap as nothin'on earth could
put out. But on the mornin' of the third
day out from Liverpool he cum down to
me in a precious hurry lookin’ as if some
thin’had put him out pretty considerably.
“Tom,” says he, “what d’ye think?
Blest if we aint found a stoaway.” (That
is the name, you know, sir. as wc gives to
chaps as hides theirselves aboard outward
bound vessels, and gets carried out unbe-
known to everybody.)
“ I didn’t wait to hear no more, but shot
upon deck like a sky-rocket; and there T
did see a sight and no mistake. Every
man-Jack o' the crew, and what few pas
sengers we had aboard, was all in a ring on
the forecastle, and in the middle stood the
first mate looking as black as thunder.
Eight in front of him, lookin’ a reg’lar
mite among all them big fellers, was a little
bit o’ a lad not ten year old—ragged as a
scarecrow, tout with'bright curly hair, and
a bonnie little face o’ his own, if he hadn’t
been so woful thin and pale. But, bless
ver soul! to see the way that little chap
held his head up and looked about him.
you’d ha’ thought the whole ship belonged
to him. The mate was a great, hulkin’
black-bearded feller, with a look that ’ud
ha’ frightened a horse and a voice fit, to
make one jump through a key-hole; but
the young un warn’t a bit afeard—he stood
straight up, and looked him full in the face
with them bright, clear eves o’ hisn, for all
the world as if he was Prince Tlalfrcd him
self. Folk did say aftewards (lowering his
voice to a whisper) as how he coined o’
better blood nor what he ought, and. for
my part. I’m rayther o’ that way o' tliinkin*
myself, for I never yet seed a common
street Ilarab (as they calls 'em now) carry
it off like him. You might ha' heerd a pin
drop as the mate spoke.
“ Well, you young whelp,” says he in
his grimmest voice, “ what brought you
here?”
“It was my step-father as done it,” saj r s
the boy in a weak little voice, but as steady
as could be. “Father’s dead, and mo
ther’s married again, and my new father
says as how he wont have no brats about
eating up his wages; and he stowed me
away, when nobody warn’t looking, and
guv me some grub to keep me going for a
day or two till 1 got to sea. lie says I’m
to go to Aunt Jane at Halifax ; and here’s
her address.”
“ And with that, he slips his hand into
the breast of his shirt, and out with a
scrap of paper, awful dirty, and crumbled
up, with the address on it, right enough.
“ We all believed every word on it, even
without the paper ; but his look and his
voice and the way he spoke was enough to
show that there warn't a ha’porth of lying
in his whole skin. But the mate didn t
seem to swaller the yarn at all; he only
shrugged his shoulders with a kind of grin,
as much as to say, ‘ I am too old a bird to
be caught with that kind of chalf;’ and then
lie says to him : ‘Look here, my lad ; that
is all very fine, but it wont do here —some
of these men of mine are in the secret, and
I mean to have it out of them. Now, you
just point out the man as stowed you
away and fed you, this very minute ; if
you don’t it’ll be the worse for you.’
The boy looked up in his bright, fearless
way and says quite quietly: “I've told
you the truth ; I aint got no more to say.
“ The mate says nothing, but looks at
him for a minute as if he would see clean
through him, and then he faced round to
the men, looking blacker than ever.
‘ Iteeve a rope to the yard !’ he sings out
loud enough to raise the dead ; ‘smart !’
‘Now, my lad,’ says the mate, in a hard,
square kind of voice'that made every word
seem like fitting a stone into a wall, ‘ you
see that rope? Well, 1 will give you ten
minutes to confess ’ (he took out his watch
and held it in his hand); ‘ and if you don’t
tell the truth afore the time is up, I will
hang you up like a dog !’
“ The crew all stared at one another as
if fhey could not believe their ears (1 did
not believe mine, I can tell ye), and then a
low growl went among them, like a wild
beast awaking out of a nap.
“ Silence there 1” shouts the mate in a
voice like the roar of a nor’-easter. “ Stand
by to run for’ard !” and with his own
hands he put the.noose round the boy's
neck. The little fellow' never flinched a
bit; but there were some amoDg the sailors
$1.50 A YEAR.
(big strong chaps as could ha' felled an ox)
as shook like leaves in the wind. As for
tnc. I bethought myself o' my little curly
haired lad at home, and how it ’ud be if
any one was to go to hang him ; and at the
very thought on ’t 1 tingled all over, and
my fingers clinched theirselves as if they
was a grippin’ somebody’s throat. I
clutched hold o' a handspike, and held it 1
behind my back, all ready.
“ Tom,” whispers the chief engineer to
me, “ d'ye think he really means to do it?"
“I don't know,” says l through mv
teeth; but if he does he shall go first, if 1
swings for it!”
“Eight minutes!” says the mate, his
great deep voice breakin’ upon the silence
like the toll o’ a funeral bell. “If you've
got anything to confess, my lad, you'd
best out with it, for yer time is nearly up.”
“ I've told you the truth,” answered the
boy, very pale, but as firm as ever. “ May
I say my prayers, please ?”
“ The mate nodded, and down goes the
poor little chap on his knees (with that in
fernal rope about his neck all the time),
and puts up his poor little hands to pray.
I couldn't make out what he said (fact, my
head was in sitch a whirl that I'd hardly
had known my own name), but I'll be
bound (iod heard it, every word. Then he
ups on his feet again and puts his hands
behind him. and says to the mate, quite
quietly : “ I'm ready !”
“ And then sir the mate's hard grim face
broke up all at once; like I've seed the ice
in the Baltic. lie snatched up the boy in
his arms, and kissed him, and burst out
a-cryin’ like a child; and I think there
w'arn't one of us as didn’t do the same. I
know I did for one.
“God bless you. my boy?” says he
smoothing the child's hair with his great
hard hand. “ Y T ou're a true Englishman
every inch of you ; you wouldn't tell a lie
to save your life ! “ Well, if it so be as
yer father’s cast ye off, I’ll be yer father
from this day forth ; and if I ever forget
you then may (iod forget me !”
“ And he kept his word too. When he
got to Halifax he found the little one’s aunt
and give her a lump of money to make him
comfortable, and now he goes to see the
youngster every voyage as regular as can
be ; and to see the pair of them together
—the little chap so fond of him, and not
bearing him a bit of grudge—lt’s about as
pretty a sight as ever I seed. And now.
sir, asking yer parding, it’s time for me to
be going below ; so I'll just wish yer good
night.”
That Hi*; Trojf.
Detroit Free Press.
It W'as remembered afterwards that he
had a sneaking, low-down look, and the
boys were sorry that they didn’t arrest
him as the Nathan murderer. He called
at the Ninth Avenue Station and asked if
they had an aquarium there, and if they
didn’t want a Lake St. Clair frog to put in
it, and he added :
" Gentlemen, it is a frog which I caught
myself, and he really ought to be on exhi
bition. I never saw a frog of his size be
fore.”
“ How large is it?” inquired a sergeant,
instinctively glancing towards the top of
the coal stove.
“ Gentlemen, I hate to give you the fig
ures, because I’m a stranger,” replied the
man.
“ There’s some old whoppers up in the
lake,” put in one of the relief squad. “ I
have seen ’em as big as a stove-cover, and
even bigger.”
“ Well, someone ought to have this frog
who can feed him up well,” said the stran
ger. “ I ain’t much on natural science,
and I’ve seen about all there is to see, but
this frog—great heavens ! Some man
ought to take him round the country !”
“ How did you catch him?” asked the
captain.
" Run him down with a tug and threw a
fish-net over him.”
“And he’s a monster, eh?”
“ A monster ! Well, I don’t want to
give you dimensions. Three reporters
were at my house last night to get his
length over all. breadth of beam and carry
ing capacity, but I wouldn’t let them in.
1 don’t care for the glory of the capture,
but simply desire the advancement of the
general interests of the State.
“ I’ve heard sailors tell of seeing frogs
up there as large as a nail keg, but I
thought they were lying,” observed the
sergeant.
••Nail keg! Why, d’ye suppose I’d
come around here with a frog which you
could put into a nail-keg !”
“ 1 suppose he’d go into a barrel,” trem
blingly remarked the sergeant.
“ Gentlemen, you may have sailed across
Lake St. Clair,” coldly replied the stran
ger, “but its plain to me that you never
shoved a boat through the marshes. Would
I fool away time on a frog no larger than a
barrel! Would a tug-boat chase such a
frog?”
“ I shouldn't be a bit surprised if this
frog was as large as a hogshead,” said the
captain, “ I’ve seen ’em up there even
larger than that.”
“A hogshead! Gentlemen, I see that
you don’t care for) this frog, j r ou are
willing that I should ship it away to some
other town. Good-bye. gentlemen.”
“ Hold on !” called the captain, holding
out his last cigar. “We believe you, of
course. If you said this frog was as large
as a wagon-box 1 should believe you, for
I’ve seen ’em up there fully as large as
, that. Please give us the dimensions of
: this frog.”
The man lit his cigar, took a pill box
from his vest poket, and shaking out a frog
not over three days transformed from a
pollvwog he quietly observed :
, “ Gentlemen, get out your tape-lines !”
When they rose up he had vanished.
HARTWELL, GA„ WEDNESDAY, JI NK is;;.
A BEAUTIFUL POEM.
At'the request of many of our subscri
bers, we republish the following beautiful
poem, delivered so admirable by Miss
May Seidel at the Hartwell High School
Exhibition last week, upon the Death of
the Great Southern Chieftain, General
ROBERT ED'VVARiWLke. from the gifted
pen of Morgan 11. Looney. It has been
pronounced the best on that subject by
the New York Ledyer, which is competent
authority :
Out on the tremulous wire,
Afar on the wings of the wind.
On iron steeds breathing with lire.
On steamships that leave earth behind,
Away over mainland and ocenn.
To the farthermost civilized shore,
The news has tilled earth with emotion—
The news that our Lee is no more.
And now, Southern youth and sweet
maiden,
Go twine me a wreath forjtlie brave ;
Bring roses, bring hyacinths laden
With perfume tugarland his grave.
And while your grief s' Us like a billow,
O come and tread softly with me.
And let us hang wreaths on the willow
That droops o'er the dust of our Lee.
Ye States that so long have been voiceless
And crownless in national woe,
While the tear-drops are gushing as noise
less
Adown Southern cheeks they now flow,
Come out from defeat and disaster,
Each wreck ’ncath the liberty tree,
Come, mourn for the loss of the master,
And hallow the grave-stone of Lee.
“ Soft is thy name, Alabama,
And sweet is thy flower-laden gale,”
But hark ! from each winding savanna
Come forth the low tones of a wail—
The wail that no respite can borrow,
The dirge of all joy and glee,
While wrapt in the mantle of sorrow
Thou’mournest our brave chieftain Lee.
Arkansas, throned on thy mountains
Afar ’mid the wilds of the West,
Thy glades and thy silvery fountains
Still shadow the isles of the blest.
Though oppressors would fain mar thy
beauty,
And tramp on the hearts of the free,
Thy sons are still true to their duty,
And hallow the name of our Lee.
Florida, true was thy host, and
Their deeds are the theme of the brave;
But shadows now rest on thy coast-land,
And gloom settles down on the wave.
Beautiful bride of the ocean,
Sweet queen of the far-moaning sea,
We know that thy patriot devotion
Is true to the memorj- of Lee.
The mothers of Georgia are weeping—
Their wail may be heard on the air;
For many a loved one lies sleeping
Where Sherman brought death and de
spair.
But deeper than all is the sadness
That broods from her hills to the sea,
And hushed is the last tone of gladness,
Since death waved his sceptre o’er Lee.
Kontucky, perplexed on the border,
How stands thy account with the brave?
Thy sons—will they spurn the “new
order,”
And gather with us at the grave?
Let the shade of “Old Hickory” number
Thy rifles that flashed for the free;
Let partisan faction now slumber
And mourn for the great chieftain, Lee.
Beautiful Louisiana,
Realm of the cotton and cane.
Now soft on each verdant savanna,
Steals mournful!}' onward the strain.
Each field and the dew-spangled meadow,
Each fountain that rolls to the sea,
Grows sad in the scowl of the shadow
That looms in the death of our Lee.
And Maryland, mother of Howard,
Of Carroll, of May, and of Key,
Sweet land that ne'er nurtured a coward,
Now what need we say unto thee !
While Potomac rolls on to the ocean,
And Chesapeake kisses the sea,
Oh come with a heart-felt emotion,
And mourn at the grave of our Lee.
Missouri, redeem thy ideal,
Come back to thy faith and thy love ;
And let the dark cloud of the real
Thy soul from its lethargy move.
Remember the days of thy glory,
Remember the brave and the free ;
Let Shelby and Price tell the story,
And honor the great name of Lee.
From the realm of the rich Mississippi,
Where the cotton was picked by the
slave,
A requiem ascendeth to Heaven,
Wrung out from the hearts of the brave.
In the wail of her sad desolation
Now hushed is her joy and glee ;
While her's swells the grief of a nation
That mourns for the loss of our Lee.
On the plains of old North Carolina
The home of full many a brave,
While tyranny’s fetters confine her
To a doom worse than that of a slave,
While her sons and her daughters arc
weeping
That oppression should laugh o’er the
free,
The full tide of woe is now sweeping
All thoughts to the memory of Lee.
On the rice fields of South Carolina,
Where Africa's flag is unfurled,
Where the jet of a Phillis and Dinah
Now vie with the queens of the world,
A still deeper gloom is now stealing
From Pickens clear down to the sea,
And a depth in the deeps of her feeling
Is stirred by the death of our Lee.
; Come, Tennessee, join in our numbers,
And help in our requiem strain;
The shade of the hero that slumbers
Deserves now thy deepest refrain.
While greatness is honored forever,
And virtue immortal must be.
Come stand by the beautiful river
And hang up a trophy to Lee.
The daughters of Texas arc saddened
While her sons feel the terrible blow ;
Each hall that with joy was once gladdened
Is draped in the cerements of woe.
We come with our offering of sorrow,
And humbly we now bend the knee ;
We feel that our night hath no morrow—
The grave will not give up our Lee.
Virginia, proud “’Old.Dominion,”
“ Queen of the cliff ami the wave,”
No slime from theSkiss of a minion
lias sullied the line of thy brave.
But still in the high courts of glory
Thy records the kind angels keep;
And the sod is still dew-bright in story
“Where the ashes of Washington sleep.”
Blest mother of heroes and sages,
Whose lame shall but brighten with
years,
Whose names through a long line of ages
A nation shall hallow with tears.
Thy Lee is now laid on thy bosom
Where Washington slumbered before,
Their dust shall but mingle to blossom
Till time and its sorrows are o’er.
But the portals of Heaven are swinging !
A spirit from Earth’s at theyloor !
And clioirs of angels are singing,
“ C iine rest now in bliss evermore.”
And far on those upper heights laden
With flowers immortal and free,
’Neath the sweet-gleaming splendors of
Aiden
Now Washington wanders with
Lee !
How a Cblrnso Girl I'ixeil Him.
Chicago Tribune.
“ Will you do something to oblige me?”
shyly asked a beautiful young woman of a
timid gentleman whose acquaintance she
had just made at a small social gathering
on West Adams street the other evening.
“ Anything that I can in honor, miss,”
he replied blushing.
“ Well,” said she, “come into the back
parlor, where it is dark, and sit on the sofa
with me, and let roe rest my head on your
shoulder, and you pretend to whisper in
my ear—only don't blow, because that
tickles and 1 can’t laugh, for this new dress
is very tight—and when anybody looks
you can draw your arm away—l forgoPto
say I wanted you to put it around my
waist—and I’ll pretend to blush.”
“ But. my gracious, honored miss,”
stammered the young man, after hastily
dividing 4 into 1877 ami finding that it
wasn’t leap year ; “my goodness’ before
all these people—and I am already engaged
—and your father must weigh ”
“ Hush. I know what I'm up to,” repli
ed the artless girl. “ I am engaged too,
to that young man talking to the waxen
faced thing with somebody else’s hair over
there. I want to stir him up—to bring
him down to business —make him come up
to his milk, that’s all.”
The young man said that a load had been
lifted from his bosom, and aided her to the
best of his ability, so well, indeed, that in
three-quarters of an hour the true betroth
ed got his girl into the library, demanded
an explanation of her shameless conduct,
was softened by her tears, called himself a
brute, asked if she could ever forgive him,
and promised to behave better in future.
And how did the young girl reward the
young man who had helped her to this hap
piness? Why, she never said a word to
him all the evening, in fact never mention
ed him except to say to her reconciled
lover, “Alonzo, could you have been so
stupid as to think I could see anything to
admire in such a mutton-headed clam as
that?” 0, women, in her hours of ease.
He LG Him Go.
Kansas City Time*.
“Pa,” said Mr. Wimple’s hoy the other
day. pretending to hunt behind the counter
for his ball, while in reality he was stow
ing his pockets full of peanuts, “ Pa,”
mayn’t I go to the circus, when it comes?
Say. pa. mayn't I?”
“Well, my son,’’said the parent, w r ith
his usual pomposity of manner and utter
ance, “ if you are a duteous boy, and per
secute your studies zcalotly, I will consider
the matter favoritely.”
As the young scamp sidled out of the
back door to hide the bulge in his north
erly pantaloons pockets, Mr, Wimple
turned to a group of admiring customers
and explained bis sentiments :
“Yes, I’ll let ’im go, 1 guess. Boys
need a little relaxity once in a while, and
beside he'll bo culturatm' his mind there
as well as at school. Observin’ the ani
inils ’ll larn ’im sumthin of zoogony, an’
rarin’ curious birds frum the far-oil condi
ments of Asia an’ Afrika 'll give ’im new
idees of ornatetheology. The incitin’ feet
of the actorbats on the flying trapezium
will lam ’im the capacious endurance of
the human sistim and stimulate ’is taste
for the study of phizignominy. Then the
woman with the iron jaw will remind ’im
of his stepmother (Mr. W. is living with
his second wife), and thus revive his do
mestic infections and all the sweet afflu
ences of the home circlet, lie’s a pretty
good hoy, if he is a little pertinent to me
and fugacious to other boys sumtimes ; so
I think I’ll let him make a Roman holiday
of himself, as the poet Byronicus says an’
go to the circus. Sum church members
think it makes boys worse to tend such
places, but I find there is no change to
speak of about my boy when he comes
home from any kind of a show, tho’ I
offun give ’im a dime besides his ticket
money when he starts.
ABOUT MR. MEEK INS* TWINSES.
IMlrnlrH to the ll|>|> Him that ain't
irol bill Out* I (tile. nikl him Grow<l
n |>. nml doin' m n Good lllam-n iu
i fur IMsiimt l.nn'. Whir lie
linn’l bo Him rd n I'rj In'
In Hie Nile fur IIIh
■lot tie.
Babes in ginrul is bald-hcded, boleggcd
disturbers of the niece. They cums into
this worl frownin horrid, fists doubled up,
red as popper, hot as jinjer and hungvy as
bogs. You got to ten to urn—got (o’ (hap
all hiznis nml ten to uni then and thar, or
else you’ll hear from uni erly and ofling.
Tl.e nuss launches um into lire with a dram
uv some kind, and then wonders they luv
whisky when they has growed up.
But twinses is mysteus visitations uv
Providence; a urthqunkc in 2 columns,
j the rite ami left wings uv a hurrykanc that
1 thar ain't no accountiu fur. They cums
like klaps uv live thunder out’n a eleer ski
in the midil uv the day or uite (they ain't a
kocren which) and konstirnates the nabor
hood. Nobody ain't never prepared fur
um, and thar is a rushin 2 amt fro uv doc
tors. misses, and winimin that shakes the
chimblyg ami jars the whole visinity. A
feerful tiem !
They fetch no baggigo—not a rag, not a
blame thing—not even a swnllcr-tail koto,
and a stnmlin collor, but they cums to
stay. Thar is much borryin uv klothes—
it takes nuf dry goods to set up a firm uv
twinses as to stok a good size Brod street
sto —and you've got to opin a milk depo,
and free bodin lions on the spot, look in fur
yur pay in a nuther and a better worl.
Beeoz twinses has but vageidees uv settlin
bills.
Many wimin arrives at yur mnnshun and
tlmr is much miratin.
The pore men fur sevrul bloks gether
arouti on the cornders uv the street nml
wumlers to eeeh other if twinses isketchin
like tnecr.ils and chiken pok. Thar mines
is onesy. They goes to Pothekerries to
git sum intment agin the things.
Taint no use, no manner uv use. Kwi
ninc, nor brimstone, nor kemsive sublimit,
nor nothin knowed to man kant keen um
oil'. Twinses is mysteus things, ami thur
is no akountin fur um one way nor the
other. Page, the drugger, kant put up
nothin to fend um off. If they ar cummin,
they ar cummin, and if they ain't a cum
min, all orcashun kant nurrv um up.
Twinses is the most obstinit ami opinyun
ated kattil I know.
Thar is a nuther mysteus thing bout
twinses. Them that wants um kant have
um—thar is men in this vale uv dadshim
ncss and limitid spondulux that never duz
ketch up with what they is runnin arftcr,
no matter what they do—and them that
don’t want um nml kin hardly turn thout
t redd in on chilun, has um shure. Here
they cum a hoopin and a holerin. Now
me nml Tom Bigpaunch is the very pat
turn uv men fur twinses; was out and
dride, you may say, to ho the father uv
twinses, but nary a twin have cum these
AO years, tho’ we have been dyin fur um.
On the other band, look at Meek ins—uv all
humint! Meckins —but you kant tell, be
gin to tell what’s iu them little fellers.
No; twinses is mysteus. To the rich man
chilun cums one at a time like sheep gittin
over a fence, but to the poor they cums 2
by 2. Twinses is like the walkin beam uv
a stcambote —when you lays one down you
takes the uther one up, and when they
both open their skapepipes ami squalls at
the same time—fyar well vane worl, I'm
a gwine home. No you ain’t—you’re a
gwinc to ten to t hem t winses, ten to noth
ing but them, if you don’t want the hous
to cum down; and a plezant tiem you’ll
hav uv it. You may talk to mo bout Gyp
shum bomlige, but a muther at ded uvnite
wrestlin with two ballin, squallin twinses,
one liolrin to see if his holrin ain’t louder
holrin than the holrin uv the uther ono
holrin—a muther endurin uv that bomlige
sturs my symathies nior'n the Gypshuns
and Izrulitcs combined.
A quar thing is that the man gits all the
kredit fur twinses, while the woman, that
has ten thousan tiems a beep the hardest
tiem don’t git nun. Folks is inclined to
blame her and tell her, “no mo uv that
now.” But the man puts on his hat and
walks 4th with a ar uv inodist pride, like
the mail that chawed the horns often a steer
fur a bet. “I don’t take no kredit fur this,”
lie seams to say, “ I rcely don’t, but still,
I want to git the kredit all the same.
Taint everybody has twinses, and then is
umbel bout it like me.” And they tell mo
thar is wimmin that nctly is envus and jel
-lus uv wimrnen that has twinses, ami wood
fain git the recipe if thar was one. Well,
thar is chilun that brags bout bein sicker
than uther chilun, and it’s a twisted sort of
a worl we live inennyway. 1 don’t under
stand it no way—nor I don't hope to. But
twinses —they gits me !
NUMBER 44.
i:iA It ( IHnkiinlci! Turk*.
San Vrancinco I'ont.
The spectacle of eight woolly haired,
dark skinned East Indians, with eyes
glaring and finger nails and toe nails seek
ing for something to dig into as their own
ers tumbled like tar barrels down the
staircase of the Russian Consul's office,
was as interesting yesterday as that official
himself, standing in irate dignity at the
head of the staircase, swelling with tri
umph at the vindication of an insult to the
representative of the Czar of all the Rus
sian. It appears that, inspired by a desire
to fight Russia, they went to the Turkish
Consul to see about getting sent home to
join the army. Perhaps misled by their
statements, in language only a trifle more
intelligible than that of the baboons on
their native heaths, he gave them a note to
the Russian Consul.
“ What do you want?” said the latter as
the delegation of Bashi-Bazouks invaded
his sanctum.
“Go home —Turkey —eight Turkey—
tight Russia —dam Russia.” said the spokes
man with classic English and dramatic
fervor.
“Which?” said the startled official, as
his patriotic beard bristled at the insult.
“ Yah ! yah ! yah ! dam Russia chorused
the eight.
The war began immediately. The
spokesman started down the stairway head
first, the frightened followers going after,
the official boot playing a lively tune on
the most vulnerable portion of the Turk
ish recruits, and when the sidewalk had
been reached and a council of war held,
I the gang started off for the newspaper
! offices to inform the world of the outrage.