Newspaper Page Text
A NEGRO SERMON.
For The Hun.
Bredren, I forgotten my hymebook,
'ijjjt I will give you out a ole vennillion
dat you all hab sung long ’fore
fyo’ grandadilies wuz bo’n. Tank sum
| ole brudder to key and pitch and start
' and raze and sing and carry and man
age do tune, dat is, I mean fo’ him to
lead in de manage ov de music:
When shall I rcteh dat doleful laik
Where joys an’ pleasures Hows,
Sicknuss an’ sorrers, pane an’ def
Wid milk an’ huuny flows.
My texas may be foun' in dc collu
sions ob Saint Herod : “ Ef you got
enny ’ligion, hang on an’ growl.”
I aim to tell you do troof to-day, an’
ef I dispute de Bibul, no diffunce, fur
a good eel ob it isn't de troof no how.
Ef I goes wid de Bibul, all rite ; but ef
not, you may no dat I am rite an' de
Bibul is rong, My starvin’ sinner, you
’member when you got ’ligion ? well ef
you got it, I say hole on. Ole sister
Jones, settin ober dar, stole chickens
to feed me on all de contracted meetin’
las’ summer, an’ duz you tink she fro’d
it’wav jus’ fer dat? No, sir! Jcs’
look at her, she’s happy cm a coon !
(“ Yes, Lard, dat’s de troof!” shouted
sister Jones.)
l)cn dar is ole brudder Snipes, an' a
wus roag nebber stole meat, fur he stole
seben sheep an' fotch ’em to our conso
sinshun las’ year, and his head an’ hart
is bofe full ob glory right now.
(“ Dat’s a fac’,” yelled Bro. Snipes ;
“ an’ Ize got two mo’ in dc pen fer you
to nite, hress dc Lawd !”)
Look at dis hat, my frens: well, I
stole dis out ova sto' wun dark nite at
Hartwell—an’ duz dat defcck my
’ligion? not a bit; fer I hab stole lots
ov hats, an’ cloth, an’ shooz, an’ shoo
ger, an’ kaufee, an’ ain’t I yo pasture
to-day, an’ in good stanin' ? I aims to
hang on an’ growl till my heels flies up,
no matter what cums.
Dar is wun sin dat will sen’ you ter
hail ef you duz it, an' I gib }’ou notis
not to do it, fur ef you duz you’ll be
darn sartin: dat is, ef you take de
limnsted. Fibe hunnered gods an’ six
hunnered savyahs couldn’t sabe you ;
so you better not take dat, fur dat is
de wus stealin’ in de worl’, an’ de sin
agin de holy goose.
Now I cum to tell de joys ob heben.
lleben is a big level fief wid two tou
san’ akers in it. Dar is wun big laik
in it made up by a good many ribers.
Wun riber is brandy, wun is whisky,
wun is rum, wun is milk, an' wun is
bunny, and day runs togedder an’ maiks
de mity sweet laik of Belzeebub, an’
ef you gits dar, wid a few eggs fum
missus’ barn, yer kan egg-nog till ver
kan t res’.
(“ Voice from the crowd : “ We’ll fur
nish de aigs.”)
Dar is big fat hogs, an’ sheeps, an’
turkey fum Urope an’ turkey fum Asha
a Rushun all about, an’ de bigges’ kine
of fedder beds, an’ bee-gums as big as
de Curry-my-heel Mount’in.
(Old woman struggling on the front
bench —“Lemmego, yer stinkin’ nig
gah, Ize g’wau dar rite now ; inAt me
at de gait, Gabrul, wid sum nmnufack
terbackka!”)
I only hab one construction to gib
you : when you gits dar, don’t blow yer
href in Gabrul’s face, an’ you better
keep your eyes skinned, fur ef you
take de humsted dar, Gabrul’ll kick
you into de kitelmn de fus’ lick. Dat’s
what de debbil was sent to hail fur—
he owed honest munny, an’ to keep
fum payin’ it took de humstead and
Gabrul kicked him lowcr’n a kite as
soon as he foun’ it out.
We will conceive de chronology an’
be remissed:
Fhrnged in a gulf of pure delight
Where cats an’ dragons roar,
llark to de toombs wid holy joy
An’ a white man knocking at dc door.
Now, may de graze ob dc Lawd an
g<>od craps atten’ you; may you hav‘
damp, moist ranes, an’ no stones: may
every year ob co’n mak’ a bushel; may
you always be up to your elbows in hog
greece ; may you be kept in de house
by a good fiah in de winter, and set by
de spring in de summer ; may you be
nbul to pay me two million dollars fur
quart ridge nex’ fall; may you all hab
great succeed in taking things an’
hidin’ ’em; may you always hab lots
good licker, an’’ gib me a heap when I
preach to you; may you neither be
hongry nor necked, but may you eat de
golden calf and wa’r de golden cloze ;
may you hab de golden wings an’ flop
de golden harp; may all dis come on
us now an' forebber, till it passes by all
our greatest compredunction —Amen !
Cast a Line for Yourself.
A young man stood listlessly watch
ing some anglers on a bridge. He was ;
rx>or and dejected. At last approach- j
ing a basket filled with wholesome look- j
ing fish, he sighed :
if now I had these I would be hap- j
py. I could sell them at a fair price, j
and buy me food and lodgings.
*■ j will give you just as many, and j
just as good fish,” said the owner, who
had chanced to overhear his words, “ if
you will do me a trifling favor.
“ And what is that?” asked the other.
“Only to tend this line till I come
back, I wish to go on a short errand.”
The proposal was gladly accepted.
The old man was gone so long that the
young man began to be impatient.
Meanwhile the hungry fish snapped
greedily at the baited hook, and the
young man lost all his depression, in
the excitement of pulling them in;
and. when the owner of the line re
turned, he had caught a large number.
VOL. II—NO. 22.
Counting out from them as many as
were in the basket, and presenting them
to the young man, the old fisherman
said:
I fulfill my promise from the fish
you have cauglit, to teach you whenev
er you see others earning what you
need to waste no time in fruitless wish
ing, but cast a line for yourself.”
A Boy with a Transparent Head.
The Mazatlan Occidental, a Mexican
paper, contains an account of an extra
ordinary phenomenon inhuman nature.
The mother of this living curiosity is
Antonia Garcia, residing in Rosario,
State of Sinaloa. Her husband is Lo
renzo Rodriquez, a native of Chapude
ros. District of Concordia, in the same
State. Aliout' nine years ago Antonia
gave birth to twins, boys, who still live.
Two years after she gave birth to three
children, all of whom had reached a na
tural state. About a year ago she gave
birth to another child, which promises
to develop into a monstrosity. This
boy child was liorn at Copata, and as
soon as the phenomenon was known to
exist the parents had good grounds to
believe it would be stolen, so they
moved to Rosario. The child, accord
ing to the story of its progenitors, was
born without other defect than having
an indentation on its skull in the shape
of a cross. But in a little while the
head commenced to grow enormously,
and at the end of one year was from
12 to 14 inches in diameter. The in
dention, in another sense, may be said
to resemble a hand-grenade, in the
form of a cross, commencing at the
forehead and running back to the nuen
or nape of the neck. The other part of
the cross extends from ear to ear. The
indentations are from 2 to 3 incites
in width, and slightly covered with
hair. In the night time, by putting a
light across the head, the brains and
other material can be plainly seen, as
if a light-house were shining upon
them. The eyelids of this creature, in
stead of being above the eye, arc below
and almost encircle it, growing upward.
The forehead has almost disappeared,
on account of the deformity of the head.
The whole liody is extremely rickety,
and the skin appears to stick to the
dry bones. The monstrosity weighs a
little over ten pounds, is healthy, and
promises to live many j r ears, and is be
loved by its parents.
Duel.
Messrs. Walter S. Harley and Robert
Fishburne, of Walterboro, Colleton
County, S. C., fought a duel on Sat
urday last, in which Mr. llarley was
wounded in the right side, so that he
is expected to die. The difficulty ori
ginated over the municipal election held
there on the 7th inst., in which these
two gentlemen espoused different sides.
An altercation occurred between them,
and Mr. Harley was called upon to re
tract his offensive language, after which
he said to Fishburne :
“ What I did mean to say was, that
you and W. J. Fishburne are weak and
cheap copies of the Rhett family', with
out their brains or courage, and I most
jHJsitively and emphatically decline to
withdraw anything that I said on that
occasion.”
After some preliminary correspon
dence Mr. Fishburne replied:
“ I demand that you meet me at the
junction of the Gulf and Savannah and
Charleston Railroads to-morrow, (Satur
day.) the 12th instant, at half-past 12
o’clock, to give me satisfaction for the
insult offered. My friend, Mr. Wm. M.
Rivers, who will hand you this, will ar
range all details.”
This challenge was accepted, and the
parties left for Savannah by separate
trains. Mr. llarley taking Mr. Farmer
with him as his friend. He left the
following note for his wife:
“My Darling Wife —l am about
to meet Fishburne. I will not widow
Claudia, for I do not intend to shoot at
him. W. S. H.”
Mr. Harley was a prominent lawyer,
and Mr. Fishburne was Clerk of Court,
and these two gentlemen were brothers
in-law, having married sisters. The af
fair is very much regretted by every
one.
Leaf Manure.
This manure possesses excellent fer
tilizing properties, and greatly improves
the texture and character of the soil.
Analysis proves that thefoilage of trees
contains vastly more mineral riches—
such as phosphates, lime, potash and
soda—than the wood, and the older
the leaves the greater amount of these
they contain. Now, that the fallen
leaves litter the ground, the farmer
whose farm pays well, gather them
carefully to be either used in the com
post heap with other decomposible j
vegetable matters, or employed as lit
ter for his animals during winter, or as
coatings for his barn-yard or other in
closures where animals are confined,
and where the leaves by absorbing the
liquid voidings may be readily con
verted into excellent plant-food.
i Cows in Lexington, Oglethorpe coun
! tv, are poisoned by licking guano sacks
HARTWELL, GA.. WEDNESDAY. JANUARY 23, 1878.
The Lime-Kiln Club.
Detroit Fret Preee.
“ What I was gwiuc to re-mark about
dis time,” said Brother Gardner as
Paradise Hall quit sneezing and cough
ing, “was de fack dat we hezentered in
to anodder y’ar. De y'ar 1877 am laid
on de arkves of de shelves, dar to
moulder an’ pine away forever. De
cpvstode of 1878 am arroved, an’ she
comes up to de mark wid do smile of a
possum. Communicnshuns 'tended for
dis Club mus’ be dated 1878 after dis,
an’ dis audience nuis’ leave dc pas’ be
llin’ it an’ gallop for’ard to do unknown
foocher. How many of us may own a
bank, or Ih* lyin’ in de peaceful tomb
one y’ar from date, Inez to pencil
handy to calkclate, but I wishes de club
peace, riches, chickens, an’ dc lowest
priceseber knowedon whitewash brushes
ulster-marine an’ lime. Doom’ de pus’
week I digested to Brudder Walpole de
idcah of nnshin’ off a few poetry on de
subjeck of de ole year an' dc new, an’ I
reckon de getn’lan hez implied.”
Sir Isaac rose up with the stern digni
ty of an Indiana constable, carefully
unfolded a sheet of foolscap, and witli
a look around the hall to command si
lence, he settled his feet and liogau:
WAY OFF DAR.
nv srn isaac wawoi.e, r. t.
“ Whar’s do old year, brudder—
Wliar’s dc good old year?
It's way off dar,
As black as taf,
Now drop the bustin’ tear—
She’s goiio—de ole, ole year.
“ Wliar's dc old year brudder—
Whar’s do good old year?
De old year’s fled—
De old year’s dead—
She’s restin’ on de beer —
Anodder date am hcah.
“ Wliar’s de old year, brudder—
Wbar's dat seventy-seven?
She’s gone to rust—
De hoops did bust—
And de year hez gone to lleaben— •
From whence de same wuz giben.
“ ’Bout dis new year brudder—
What ar’ ye gwiuc to do?
Ar’ ye gwine to stay
Till dc ladin day
Puts anodder year on you—
Turnin’ de black ha'r blue? *
“ ’Bout the new year, brudder—
Will ye be n’upright man ?
1 reckon ye will,
An’ wid all my fill,
I wish ye inay live out de span,
An’ succeed in mos’ ebery plan.”
[*Xote by the poet—White wouldn't rhyme).
There wasn’t a <lry eye iu the hall as
the poet closed his eulogy and dropped
back on the uuplaned bench. More
than a dozen members shed tears out of
both eyes at once, and others blew their
noses and tenderly said:
“All dat nmn needs am a suit of store
clothes an’ a pair of sleeve buttons to
make him de greatest ancient poet o’
modern times!”
Wholesale Kates.
Detroit Free Preil.
Justice Barrier had just got ready to
go to dinner yesterday when a woman
about fifty years of age timidly entered
his office and sat down and guve the
court a critical looking over before she
said :
“ My daughter wants to get married.”
“So! Well that’s the way with ev
erybody’s daughter, madam, and if I
was somebody’s daughter I believe I
would do the same thing.”
“I—l think I’ll get married at the
same time!” she whispered.
“ Good, madam ! Might just as well
have a double ceremony ami an extra
leaf in the extension table.”
“ And my —my daughter Helen thinks
she'll—she’ll also get married at the
same time !” stammered the woman.
“Docs, ch? Well, it does beat all
how human beings do take to matrimo
ny! That’s all, is it?”
“ Well, sir—you know—well, there’s
a poor woman living near me who thinks
she might get married the same night if
you made a reduction in price and gave
us wholesale rates. How much would
you ask ?”
“ Let’s see? There are four of you—
! four brides to kiss—four grooms to shake
hands with —four suppers to eat, as it
were. It ought to he S2O, madam, but
I’ll be hanged if I don’t slip the knot
around the whole eaboodle of you for
ten shilligsn per pair!”
“You can have the job—be on hand
Sunday night at seven,” she replied, and
she paid him one dollar on account and
took a receipt for it.
Three Yards too Much.
A clerk in a dry goods store retired j
one night, having for a bedfellow an ac-1
quaintancc dating back to school days.
Our informant slept in the next room j
adjoining, the door of which was part
ly open. In the middle of the night,
he was awakened from sleep by hearing
the clerk in a loud tone of voice ex
claim : “ How many yards did you say
you >anted, mam ? Three yards is
enough?” And the next thing heard
was a tearing noise and the bedfellow
| shouted out: “ What are you doing?”
You have torn my shirt from bottom to
top.” The dreamer imagined himself
in the store, waiting on a customer who
! wanted three yards of calico.
OME X I AH AUO.
M. R. C.
TTrillm /or Ike Sun.
One year ago, what loves what scenes
Fair into life;
What joyous hope, what high resolves,
W bat generous strife.
The silent pictures on the wall—
The burial stone,
Of all that beauty, life and joy
Remains alone.
One year, one year—one little year—
And so much gone :
And yet the even flow of life
Moves calmly on.
Tho grave grows green, the flowers bloom
Fair above that head ;
Nc sorrowing tint of leaf or spray
Says she is dead ;
No pauso or hush of merry birds.
That sing above.
Tell how coldly sleeps below
The form I dearly loved.
Where bast thou bocn this year, beloved?
What hast thou seen ?
What visions fair, what glorious life?
Where hast thou been.
The vail, the vail, so thin, yet so strong,
T'wixt thee and me—
The mystic vail, where shall it fall
■ That I may see?
Not dead, but quietly sleeping
Beyond the river’s tide,
Patiently waiting the summons
That brings me to thy side.
Lord of the living and the dead,
Our blessed Isaviorjdear,
I lie in silence at thy feet
This sad and lonely year.
' XZIUTHAIIX RZZAH.
I min Kuweit, in tcribner' tlilonthly.
You, Xcbuchiulnezzah. whoa, sail!
Whar is you tryin’ to go, sail?
I’d hab you for to know, sab,
/’* a boldin’ ob de lines,
You better stop dat prancin’;
Yon's pow’ful fond ob dancin’.
Hut I’ll bet my yeah’sadvancin’
Dat I'll cure you ob your shints.
Look heah, mule DBetter min’ out—
Fust t’ing you know you’ll tin’ out
flow quick I’ll wear dis line out
On your ugly stubbo’n back.
You needn’t try to steal up
An’ HP dat precious heel ui>;
You’s got to plough dis fiel* up,
You has, sah, for a fac',
Dar, dat'ii dc way do it!
lie’s edwin’right down to it;
Jet’ watch him ploughin' t'roo it 1
Dis niggar ain’t no fool.
Some folks dey woulV beat him ;
Now dat would only heat him—
-1 know jes’ bow to treat him,
You uius’ reaton wid a inula.
Ho minds me like a nigger.
If he was only bigger
He’d fotch a mighty figger.
He would, I tell you I Yes, sah !
See how he keeps a clickin’!
He’s as gentle as a chicken,
An’ nebner thinks o' kickin’—
Whoa, dar ! Nehuehadnettar I
* • • • •
Is dis hcah me, or not me ?
(>r is de debbil got me ?
Was data cannon shot me?
Hah 1 laid heah mor'n a week?
Dat inuledo kick amazin'!
De beast was sp’iled in raisin’—
By now 1 ’spect he's grazin’
On de odsr side de creek.
A Pilgrim.
Detroit Free Drew.
George Green appeared at a house
on Third street at midnight, and
instead of knocking on the door he
pounded on the side of the house until
the proprietor raised an upper window
and shouted:
“Who in Halifax, Nova Rcotia, are
you, and what, in Halifax, Nova Scotia,
do you want?”
“ > want to be an angel!” was the
thick reply.
The householder poked about four
teen feet of the barrel of an old shot
gun out of the window, and hacked it up
with such blood-curdling threats, that
Green walked off lie was absent
about fifteen minutes, giving the citizen
time to get nicely settled in bed, when
he returned, and poundingon the house,
again called out:
“ Fire! Fire !”
“Whoa —what —where is the fire?"
shouted the citizen, ns he leaped out of
bed aud threw up the window.
“In the infernal regionsP was the
sober reply.
“ See norc, you old flat-headed hyena,
I’ll shoot the top of your skull off if you
don't scatter out of this !” shrieked the
indignant citizen.
“J—will —scatter!” was the soft re
ply, and Green took a walk around the
block.
The citizen w r as beginning to dream
when he heard that same old pounding
on the side of the house, and a voice
cried out:
“Awake! Awake!”
“I’ll kill that man us sure as I’m a
sinner!” howled the good man as he left
the bed once more, hut as he raised the
sash a thick voice asked :
“ Didn’t you say you’n shoot the top
of my skull ofl?”
“ Yes, I did, and I hope to be sawed
j in two if I don’t do it I”
“ Hadn’t you just as lief poison me?”
tenderly asked the intruder as lie look
ed up at the gun.
All this was known to the court and
when Green walked out he was asked:
“ What is your business?”
“I’m a pilgrim, sir," was tho meek
answer.
“ Goal I They want you at the
House of Correction to put tho soft,
tender tints on varnnda chairs. You
will please step up there for three
months.”
“ Wouldn’t—it —be —advisable—-for
—me —to —ride?" slowly asked tho
prisoner us he hacked away.
The Clock of Clocks.
Ft ailing (/*.) F.agle.
To Fcngel’s buildimr'is now oil exhi
bition in all probability tho most won
derful clock in the world. It was built
by Stephen I). Engle, a watchmaker,at
Hazleton. He is about forty-five years
of age, and was about twenty years in
perfecting the clock. Mr. lleid paid
Engle five thousand dollars for it. En
gle never saw the Strashurg clock. In
fact lie Ims never traveled more than
two hundred miles from home at any
time. This clock stands eleven feet
high. At its base it is about four feet
wide ami at the top about two. It is
about three feet deep at the base, gradu
ally less towards the top. Its colors are
dark brown and gold. The Strashurg
clock is thirty feet high yet its mechan
ism is not so intricate, nor has it as
many figures ns the Hnzelton clock.
The Strashurg clock’s figures are about
three feet high and the American clock
about nine inches. Tbree^mimites he
for the hour a pipe organ inside the
clock plays an authcm.< has five
tunes. Bells are then rung. And when
tin 1 hour is struck double doors in an al
cove open and a figure of Jesus appears.
Double doors to the left then open, and
the Apostles ap|>oar slowly, one by one,
in procession. As they appear and pass
Jesus they turn towards him, Jesus
bows, the Apostles turn again and pro
ceed through the double doors in an al
cove on the right. As IYter approaches
Hatan looks out of a window above and
tempts him. Five times the devil ap
l>ears, and when Peter passes, denying
Christ, the cock, flaps his wings and
crows. When Judas appears Satan
comes down from the window and fol
lows Judas out iu the procession; and
then goes back up to his place to watch
Judas, appearing on both sides. As
the procession lias passed, Judas and the
three Marys disappear and the doorsare
closed. 'J he scene can he repeated
seven times within an hour if neoessary,
and the natural motion of the clock
produces it four times per hour, whereas
the Strashurg procession is made but
once a day, at 12 o’clock. Below the
piazza is the main dial, about thirteen
inches in diameter. To its right is a fig
ure of Time with an hour-glass. Above
this is a window, at which apfioar figures
representing youth, manhood anil old
age. To the left of the dial a skeleton
representing Death. When the hour
hand approaches the first ouarter Time
reverses his hour-glass anil strikes one
on a bell with his scythe, when another
bell on the inside responds; then Child
hood appears instantly. When the
hour-hana approaches the second quar
ter or half hour, there are heard the
strokes of two bells. Then Youth ap
pears and the organ plays a hymn. Af
ter this Time strikes two ami reverses his
hour-glass, when two hells respond inside.
One minute after this a chime of bells
is heard, when a folding door opens in
the upper porch and one at, the right of
the court when the Savior comes walk
ing out. Then the Apostles appear in
procession. The clock also tells of
the moon’s changes, the tides, the sea
sons, days, and day of the month and
year, and the signs of the zodiac; and
on top a soldier in armor is constantly
on guard walking backward and for
ward. As the hours advance Manhood,
Old Ago and Death take part in the
panorama.
The Mark of a Christian.
It is always a mark of a Christian
that he will wish to do good to others.
Having tasted and seen that God is
good, men cannot but commend the
preciousness of the gospel to those who
are without its blessings. And the
more fully men are under the power of
the gospel, the more earnestly will they
strive to carry its benefits and joys to
those upon whom they will set their af
fections. Grace in the soul, hoarded and
restrained, is an inconceivable anomaly.
During the recent civil war, there
were two volunteers lying beneath their
blankets, looking up at the stars in a
Virginia sky. Says Jack: “What made
you go into the army, Tom?” “ Well,”
replied Tom, “ I had no wife, and I
loved war. What made you join the
army, Jack?” “ Well,” he replied, “ I
had a wife, and I loved peacs, so I went
to the war.”
Miss Ada Langston, daughter of Dr.
A. 11. Langston, of Elbert county, while
using a needle, placed it in her mouth
and accidentally swallowed it. Lodging
cross-wise in her throat, serious conse
quences were feared, but fortunately it
was dislodged and the young lady re
lieved. Don’t put needles or pins in
your mouth.
WHOLE NO. 74.
HRASHAft’B BURGLAR.
Detroit Fret I’reet.
Mr. Brnssar, who lives on Ninth ave
nue, lias a son aliout twelve *years okl,
named Claudius, and the other evening
this Isiy received jiermission to allow a
neighbor’s boy to stay all night with
him. The old people sleep down stair*
in the sitting room, and the boys were
put into a room directly above. When
they went np to bed Claudius hail tlio
clothes lino under his coat, and the
neighlxir’s hoy hail a mask in his pock
et. They didn't kneel down and say
their prayers like good Ixiys and then
jump into bed and tell bear stories, but
as sisui as the door was locked tho
Brassar boy remarked :
You’ll see more fun hero to-night
than would lie on a ten acre lot 1”
From a closet they brought out a
cast-off suit of Brassar's clothes, stuffed
them with whatever came handy, tied
the mask and an old straw hat on for a
head, and while one boy was carefully
raising the window the other was tying
the clothes line around the “ nian.”
The image was lowered down in front
of the sitting room window, lifted up
au| down once or twice and old Brassar
was heard to leap out of bed with a
great jar. He was lieginning to dozo
when lie heard sounds under his win
dow, and his wife suggested that it was
a cow in tho yard. He got up, pulled
the curtain away and ns he lieheld a
nmn standing there he shouted out:
“Great bottles ! but it is a robber 1”
and ltw jumped into lied.
“ Tlieodorius Brassar, you are a
fool!” screamed ttie wife as he monop
olized all the bed clothes to cover hia
head.
“Be quiet, you old Jade!” ho whis
pered ; “ perhaps he will go away !”
“ Don’t you call me a jade !” she re
plied, reaching over and trying to find
liis hair.
“Git up, ntid git tho gun and Mow
his head off.”
“Oh, you do it!”
“ Git up, you coward," she snapped,
“ I will never live with you another day
if yon don't do it.”
Brassar turned up the lamp, sat up
in bed, and cried out:
“ Is that your boysf”
“ Mercy on me, git up?” yelled tha
wife, as the straw man knocked against
the window.
“ 1 will blow his head off as clean as
milk !” said Brassar, in a loud voice, as
he got up. lie struck the stove threo
or four times, upset a chair, and reached
behind the foot of the bed and drew
out an old army musket.
“ Now then, lor blood?” he continued,
as he advanced to the window and
lifted the curtain.
The man was there, face close to the
glass, and he had such a malignunt ex
pression of countenance that Brassar
jumped back with ft cry of alarm.
“ Kill him! Shoot him down, you
noodle-head !” exclaimed the wife.
"I will—by thunder! I will!” re
plied Brassar, and he blazed away and
tore out nearly all the lower sash.
The I toys up stairs uttered a yell and
groan, and Brassar jumped for the win
dow to see if the man was down. ll©
wasn't. lie stood right there, and mad©
a leap at Brassar.
“lie’s coming in—perlice—lsiys, ho!”
perlice !” roared the old man.
The tattered curtain permitted Mrs.
Brassar to catch sight of a man jump
ing up and down, and she yelled :
“Theodorions, I’m going to faint I’*
“ Faint and be darned—boys—per
lice !” walloping on the sheet-iron stove
with the poker.
“ Don’t you talk that way to me 1”
shrieked the old woman, recovering
from her desire to faint.
“ l’o-lece ! lV>-leee !” now came from
the boys up stairs, while one continued
shouting the other drew the man up,
tore him limb from limb, and secreted
the pieces.
Several neighbors were aroused, an
officer came up from the Station, and a
search of the premises was made. Not
so much as a track in the snow was
found, and the officer put on an injured
look, and said to Mr. Brassar:
“ A guilty conscience needs no ac
cuser.”
“That's so!” cborussod tho indig
nant neighbors as they departed.
As Mr. Brassar hung a quilt before
the shattered window, lie remarked to
his wife:
“ Now what an old eundurango you
made of yourself.”
“ Don't fling any insults at me, or
I'll choke the attenuated life out of
you,” she replied.
And the boys kicked around on the
bed, chucked each other in the ribs,
and cried :
“ I'd rather boa boy than be Presi
dent.”
Tea Culture in the United States.
A special report of the Commission
er of Agriculture on the Chinese tea
plant and the capabilities of the United
States for successful comjietition with
China in the production of said plant,
has been published. It shows that the
tea plant lias been successfully cultiva
ted and manipulated in the United
St ates for a number of years past. Tea
has been prepared from plants grown in
Georgia, which has been tasted in Bal
timore and pronounced stronger and
finer flavored than the imported. It can
be grown from the lakes to the gulf, a
temperature of ten degrees below zero
failing to freeze the plants, while the
climate and soil of the cotton zone are
peculiarly favorable to the culture.
Twenty million dollars will be annually
saved the country when its supply of
tea is home grown.