Newspaper Page Text
the wrong IVagon.
• I /ll# v i 41 “ 11/ ■ Mill
Avery propjr an l particular spin,
ster was Miss Ruth Briggs.. She alum
ucd oven the'appearance of erH, accord
ing to scripture. She prided herself on
being'thc very pink of propriety, and a
model for her sex.
She was very clear-sighted, and saw
with astonishing facility the faults of
. neighbors. You might us well have
sought to have hidden a two quart dish
in a pint jug, as to have attempted the
concealment of a folly from Miss
Briggs.
She knew who put rye iu their flour
bread : who turned their dresses wronir
side out; who dyed their bonuet trim
ming ; who pretended a headache when
mg Dr. Doseum first came to Glen
vilkp
0f a girl happened to look in the di
rection of one of the opposite sex,
Miss Briggs groaned over her depravi
ty, If a young couple were out walk
ii)g by moonlight, this conscientious
woman found it impossible to sleep,
but would sit by the window, sighing
over the wickedness of the world, and
watching for the return of those dread
fiNjoung people.
Miss Briggs was unmarried from
choice. First and last, if one might
credit her statement, all the masculine
gender in Glenville had been dying for
her; but somehow they had all got
married before they had quite died,
which showed that they were men of
sense.? a • • y
Miss Briggs was now about fifty,
and owned up to thirty-five. She was
girlish and gushing; wore pink tissues
and short sleeves, and her own teeth
and hair of course ; all the ladies do.
In the same village with Miss Briggs,
resided Squire Peter C’arfish, a mild,
timid, henpecked gentleman, who was
not quite sure if his soul was his own
ortome other man’s.
Mrs. Garfish was a Tartar, with tem
per enough for all the Tartars in Tar
tary. She kept her husband remarka
bly straight in morals, and prided her
self greatly on having a husband who
never bowed to tile ladies he met in the
street,, or passed the sugar to the few
elderly feminines who now and then
took tea with Mrs. Garfish.
When they were first married, the
Squire did sometimes venture to speak
about the weather to the few ladies he
met; but Mrs. Garfish enlarged so
much upon the sin of unfaithfulness,
accompanying the lecture with so many
pinches and pokes and kicks, that the
Squire give up the practice ; and after
a time, he would have hailed the anni
hilation of women as gladly as you or
I would hail a fall of the mercury in
dog-days.
Glenville determined on holding a
fair.
.Mrs. Carfish and Miss Briggs were
prime managers, though they hated
each other as much as possible, and
took great delight in thwarting each
other’s projects.
Miss Briggs at some time had inti
mated that she might have borne the
name of Carfish, if it had suited her;
and Mrß. Carfish had intimated that
Miss Briggs put herself in the squire’s
way every Sunday when meeting was
out. And Miss Briggs said Mrs. Car
fish was a scold ; and Mrs. Carfish said
that Miss Briggs used lily-white. So it
is no wonder that the ladies hated each
other.
The fair was a success, and it closed
at an early hour; for the people of
Glenville where a steady set, and be
lieved in lying abed eight hours out of
the twenty-four.
Miss Briggs’ brother had brought
her to the fair; and, while he was say
ing good-by to the widow Ilobbs, Miss
Briggs got on her things, and, in a halt
somnolent state, went out and climbed
into the wagon, so that no time might
be lost in getting home.
In a few moments a man came, un
tied the horse, and jumping up beside
her, set off. Miss Briggs drew her
nose a little out of her boa.
“Jake,” she said, “I do wish you’d
let the Widder Ilobbs alone. She's a
peart, forrard thing, and them red
cheeks of hern haint natral!”
The figure at her side started back in
evident dismay.
“ Heavenly Peter!” cried the small
voice of Squire Carfish, “ 'tain’t my
wife ! ’tain’t Sally ! ’tain’t her! oh, Je
rusalem !”
“ What on airth !” cried Miss Briggs,
“ what does it mean ? ’Tain’t Jake !
’tain’t our waggin ! nor—gracious good
ness !—’tain’t our old mare !"
“My wife'll kill me!” exclaimed the
squire. “ Oh, the dickens ! What will
Ido ? She'll never believe that ’twas
a mistake, never! She’s got an awful
VOL. II—NO. 30,
temper ! W hoa. Dobbin ! No, git up !
No, whoa! whoa! Go along! What
shall I do ? what shall I do ?’’
Stop 1” cried Miss Briggs, in a tone
of frenzy. “Whoa, there! Stop I
say ! I won’t stand it! I won't! That
ever I should live to be kidnapped;
and run away with by a pirate chief
tain, and bandanner, a highway robber !
I’ve read of such things; but I never
thought I should be called upon to pass
through such an experience. I won’t
go a step! You’ve got one wife,
Squire Garfish ; 1 won’t have nothing to
do with 3’ou. You may put me in irons,
and starve me on bread and water;
but yon shall never tech so much as the
end of my little fingers.”
“I don’t want to,” said the squire
nervously. “ The saints knows I
wouldn’t touch you for a farm. I should
be in good business, a running away
with a woman old enough to be my
grandmarm!”
“ Old enuff, indeed ! You mean, de
sateful wretch ! You, insulting an in
nocent young girl like that! at your
time of life ! and your poor wife a bein'
left to go home afoot and alone ! Stop
the horse! let me git out! I shall
faint! Oh, ah, oh, um !My repetition
will be ruinated ! Nobody will believe
that I am as pure as an onborn lamb.
Stop that hoss, or I’ll break somebody’s
bones!” and Miss Briggs seized the
whip, and flourished it around the
shrinking head of the wretched Garfish.
A rumble of wheels was heard behind,
and the sharp voice of Mrs. Garfish
burst on the affrighted cars of the
squire.
“ Stop this instant! stop tile hoss !
somebody grab the bridle! A dollar
bill to the man that stops him. lie's
’loping with that brazen hussy of a
Briggs. I seed ’em a winking at each
other over the ice-cream. Stop ’em,
stop ’em, and I’ll pay the damage !”
The streets were alive with people
returning to their homes, and a half
dozen men sprung at Dobbin's head ;
but Dobbin was not accustomed to
being brought tip in that style, and,
seizing’the bit in his teeth, he set off
at a mad gallop.
“Jupiter!” said the squire, “we
shall be killed, and murdered. Miss
Briggs is a flourishing the whip. Whoa,
Dobbin. Whoa, good hossy. O, Sally,
Sally, she won’t Ist him stop !”
“ It’s a lie !” said Miss Briggs ; “he’s
a trying for to sedooce me! Me, an
honest girl and a member of the church.
Oh, someone save me, somebody, do !”
Again a crowd rushed at Dobbin.
He shied; the wagon struck a tree,
parted, and Miss Briggs and the squire j
were emptied unceremoniously into a
mud puddle.
!\lrs. Carfish came rushing to the 1
spot armed with her old blue cotton
umbrella and with the spite of a demon,
flew at her husband and Miss Briggs,
dealing out blows and hard names with
out stint.
Miss Briggs on her feet, and made a
dive at Mrs. Garfish's" false front. It
came off. Then the two women pitched
in, like old hands at the business.
.Some of the bystanders attempted to
separate them; but tiie Squire begged
them to desist.
“ Let ’em fight it out,” said he, sleep
ily. “If they don’t leave nobody be
hind to tell the tale, it’ll be the happiest
day of my life. Don’t spile a good
fight, gentlemen.”
Unfortunately for him, the women
heard his remark, and instantly they
both of a mind. They fell upon him,
and it is quite likely his epitaph would
have been needed before now, if it had
not been for the determined efforts of
the bystanders, who succeeded in res
cuing him from his furious assailants.
He had a fever afterwards, and was
rather feeble all summer; and Miss
Briggs and Mrs. Carfish do not speak
together, all on account of getting into
the wrong wagon.
A little girl surprised a company of
victors by her knowledge of the Crea
tor’s works. At the dinner table she
exclaimed: “ God made all this big
world in just six days. God madq me
and everybody else. He made mama,
too; but Jle forgot to put any hair on
her head and papa had to buy it for
her.”
raddle vour canoe.
THK FU.II I IXU DOM.
A man, ho owned a Terrier dog—
A hob-tailed onury cuss.
And that thoro pup got that there man
In many an ugly muss ;
tor the man he was on his muscle,
And the dog he was on his bite :
So to kick the dog-goned auimilc
Was sure to raise a tight.
A woman owned a Thomas cat,
J hat til a fifteen pound ;
And other cats got up and slid
W lion thnt tliore cat. was round.
The man and his dorg came along one day,
H here the woman she did dwell.
Aud the purp he growled ferociously
Then went for that cat pell-mell.
Mo tried to chaw the neck of the eat,
But the cat he wouldn’t he chawed,
So he lit on the hack of that there dorg,
And bit! ami clawed ! and chawed !
Oh ! the hair it flew ! aud the purp he
youlcd !
As the claws went into his hide.
And chunks of flesh were peeled from his
side;
Then lie fiummuxed, and kicked, and died !
The man lie ripped, and cursed, and swore,
As he gathered a big brick-bat,
That lie would lie durned essentially
If he didn’t kill that cat !
But the old woman allowed she’d he bless
ed if ho did !
And snatched up an old shot-gun,
W hieh she tired and peppered his diaphram
\\ ith bird-shot number one.
They toted him home on a window blind,
Ana the doctor cured him up ;
But he was never known to light agaiu,
Or own another purp.
Folks may turn up their snoots at this
here rhyme,
I don’t care a cuss for that!
All 1 want to show is, that fighting dorgs
May tackle the tcrouy Tom cat !
The Old Path.
“ Lcmme ’lone ! lemme ’lone, dad !
now you lemme lone, I tell you !”
“ I won’t let you lone, you tarnal
lazy rascal! I won’t let you lone !”
And zip, zip, fell the blows as the
reporter hurried in the direction and
found an old gentleman in his shirt
sleeves, h.s son, a gawky lad of eigh
teen gathered in one hand, and a hick
ory withe coming down like all-fired
wrath in the other. An old gray horse
stood in the field switching his tail at
the plow.
“My dear sir, what is tlic matter ?”
inquired the reporter. The old man
paused and turned to us panting.
“ Stranger, are you from Danville ?”
We told him no, and spoke quick for
he had the withe raised.
“ Well it’s good you ain’t, for I
thought you mought be here projectin’
round this boy, I’ve just hit him an
even hundred. lie’s turned fool and
wants to quit that plow an’ go to Dan
ville to war a paper collar an’ clerk for
his crackers and cheese in a herring
store. They’ve been writin’ to him if
he could ‘draw ’em any trade,’ an’ it’s
set him plum crazy. I’d ‘ draw ’ ’em
ef I had these plow lines round their
necks. Here’s me and my old woman
doin’ our best, and we’d do first rate if
we could jest get that land worked, but
that horse has stood there idle while
lie’s been runnin’ olf talkin’ with the
fellers of his gittin’ a place at Danville.
11l Danville him. Hurry up, thar, and
move on that plow.”
As we left, the young man was plow
ing a furrow and the old man walking
behind with a stick.
An Essay on the Negro.
The Springfield Republican, a loading
republican paper, says:
The negro has got to learn the lesson
that every' other race has had to learn
since the foundation of the world, that
his future depends upon himself, and,
that if he is going to win success, he
has got to work for it. The delusion
that the ballot has put an ignorant and
long downtrodden race at once upon an
equality with an intelligent and long
dominant one is, we suspect, at the bot
tom of the intelligent negro’s doubt and
despondency in too many cases. He
sees that suffrage has not brought all
the promised blessings; he even con
fessed the truth, which recent Southern
history has so conclusively proved, that
his race is not yet flit to govern the
State. And the shock to his precon
ceived opinions is so sudden and great
that philosophy has not yet come to his
aid, to remind him that he has been ex
pecting the impossible. It is not
strange that he should be dejected and
ready to accept the fresh delusion that
a mere change of skies will work the
expected transformation.
So long as Rutherford B. Hayes re
mains in the White House the young
men of the country arc taught the les
son that sucoess condones political vil
lainy.— York Sun.
HARTWELL, CA., WKD.Ni>PAY, .MAY l^S.
A REGISTERING BALLOT BOX.
Mr. A. IV. Roberts, superintendent
of the Hartford tire alarm telegraph,
has Invented a very ingenious device to
be attached to the ordinary ballot box,
by which each single ballot is number
ed and its number registered so that the
number of stamped ballots in the box
corresponds with the number shown on
the register. It is a simple cast-iron
box six inches square, with n front of
thick transparent glass, revealing the
entire mechanism, which is very sim
ple, and makes merely a single recip
rocating motion wit hout gearing of any
kin*#. There ist a slit-like aperture on
the lower side of the box, for which the
ballot box proper is the floor, and the
voter passes his ballot into the box
through this, when the attendant turus
a little crank one revolution, and a bell
strikes, the ballot is printed with a
number, and the same number appears
on the rotating register to be seen by
all. Theso motions are all simultane
ous as soon as a ballot is deposited
no more can be put in till the attend
ant turns the crank, and thus opens the
aperture, which is closed by a slide. If
two ballots folded or rolled together are
put in as one, only one of them can be
numbered, and, of course, the other
will not be counted. This numbering
is done by printing, the device being
that of the ordinary office ribbon hand
stamp, except that this is operated by
the mechanism. When the balloting is
concluded the crank is locked, the bal
lot box itself being locked or sealed by
the same action, and the registering np-
paratus may be removed, to be referred
to at any time to certify the ballot.
Beside these guards against illegal vo
ting, the clerks at the check lists may
set the number of each voter’s ballot
against his name, instead of a check.
Lt will be seen that the number of bal
■*' s* T y -<•* i 1 i ' • * C.. 1 . ‘l l i* I * > 1 •
lots cast may be known at a glance at
any stage of the voting without refer
ring to the check lists. The registry
counter may be made to record any
number desired, as only four dies are
required to show up to 9,999. One of
the best features of the device is its
simplicity, which insures certainty of
action and reliability.
What Smoking Does for Hoys.
A certain doctor, struck with the large
number of boys under fifteen years of
age whom he observed smoking, was led
to inquire into the effect the habit had
upon the general health. He took for
his purpose thirty-eight boys, aged from
nine to fifteen, and carefully examined
them; in twenty-seven of them he dis
covered injurious traces of the habit.
In twenty-two there were various disor
ders of the circulation and digestion,
palpitation of the heart, and a more or
less marked taste for strong drink. In
twelve there was frequent bleeding of j
the nose, ten had disturbed sleep, and !
12 had slight ulceration of the mucous
membrane of the mouth, which disap
peared on ceasing from the use of to
bacco for sonic days. The doctor treat
ed them all for weakness, but with little
effect until the smoking was discontinued
when health and strength were soon re
stored. Now, this is no “old wife’s
tale,” as these facts are given unde! the
authority of the British Medical Jour
nal.
Woman Hanging in Georgia.
Cor. Atlanta Constitution.
MEBSKB. Euitokh: It is frequently
stated in public prints, and especially in
the Constitution, that Susan Eberliart
is the only woman who has ever been
hung in Georgia, and I have at last got
steam up to correct the error.
I suppose it is meant she is the only
white woman hung, but even this is an
error. Many years ago, in Wilkes
county, a white woman, Mrs. Bartlett,
was hung tor the murder of her hus
band. The execution is remembered by
all the older people of Wilkes county,
and I have had the tree on which she
was hung pointed out several times.
Negro women have, I presume, in a
good many instances, suffered the ex
treme penalty of the law. Without in
quiring of others, I at once think of
three. More than forty years ago, two
negro women—Amy and Katie—were
hung in Augusta for poisoning a family.
In Wilkes county not long before the
1 war, if woman Mas hung for kill
ing a Mrs. Bums. It was an unlucky
case, for the woman died protesting her
inuoceucc, and it is said a negro man
afterwards died confessing himself the
culprit. The evidence, which seemed
strong, was circumstantial
Mrs. Bartlett’s case is undoubted.
General Toombs, I am sure, remembers
it- _ Wiuus.
The Sjinpafhizlng Woman.
If we were called upon to describe
Mrs. Dobbs we should, without hesita
tion, call her a sympathizing woman.
Nobody was troubled with any malady
die had not suffbred. Hhc knew nil
about it by experience, and could sym
pathize with them from the bottom of
her heart.
Bob T urner was a wag, and when one
day he saw Mrs. Dobbs coining along
thu joad toward his house, lie kiew, iu
the absence of his wife, ho should be
called upon to entertain her ; so he re
solved to piny n little on the good wo
! man’s abundant store of Sympathy.
Hastily procuring a largo blanket he
wrapped himself up in it, and threw
himself on a sofa near by.
“A\ hy good gracious! Mr. Turner
are you sick!”
“ Oh, dreadfully !” groaned the im
aginary invalid.
“ What’s the matter?’’
“Oh, n greatmany things. First and
foremost, I’ve got a congestion of the
brain. ’’
“ That’s dreadful!” sighed Mrs. Dobbs.
“ I came pretty near dying of it ten
years to conic next spring. Wliat else?”
“ Dropsy,” again groaned Boh.
“ There I can sympathize with you. 1
was troubled with it, but finally got
over it.”
“ Neuralgia,” continued Bob.
“Nobody can tell, Mr. Turner, what
I have suffered form neuralgia. It’s on
awful complain!!” '
“ Rheumatism,” added Bob.
“ Yes, that’s pretty likelv to go along
with neuralgia. It did with me.”
“Toothache,” suggested Boh.
“ There have beeu times, Mr. Turner.”
said the sympathizing woman, “ when I
thought I should have gone distracted
with the toothache.”
Though it was a great difficulty that
he could resist laughing,Bob continued :
“ I am suffering a great deal from a
sprained ankle.”
“ Then you can sympathize with me,
Mr. Turner. I sprained mine when I
was coming along.”
“ But that isn’t the worst of it.”
” What is it?” asked Mrs. Dob!*,
with curiosity.
“ I wouldn’t tell anyone but you Mrs.
Dobbs; but the fact is”—here Bob
groaned—“l’m afraid, and the doctor
agrees with me, that my reason is af
fected —that, in short, I’m a little cra
zy!’’
Bob took breath and wondered what
Mrs. Dobbs would say to that.
“Oh ! Mr. Turner, is it possible?” ex
claimed the lady. “It’s horrible! 1
know it is. I frequently have spells of
being out of my mind myself!”
Bob could stand it no longer; he at
ouce burst into a roar of laughter, which
M re. Dobbs taking for the precursor of
violent paroxysm of insanity, she was
led to take a hurried leave.
—*—.
Francisco Peralto, a Mexican rider,
attempted at Brooklyn, N. Y., recently
the feat of riding 305 miles in fifteen
hours. He began at 4a. in., having a
fresh horse for every mile. He accom
plished the first 100 miles in 4 hours
and 20 minutes, average per mile 2
minutes 40 seconds. At the 235th
mile he was 7 minutes ahead of time.
After this three heavy' showers fell in
succession, the track became very mud
dy and the time ranged from 2 :50 to
3:18 per mile, and when he was on the
302d mile the judges declared the time
was up. But for the rain he would
have succeeded in his task.
A murder committed ten years ago
in Darlington, S. C., brought Anthony
McKay to the gallows last week. The
condemned man, whose hands were
chained behind him, protested inno
cence, consoling himself with the re
flection that “ his Saviour hail also been
put to death without cause.” McKay
was the second person executed for the
same murder.
WHOLE NO. m
• Nt>.nr stjrpoMttOxs.
..A. . rrz 1* t Ol '* ,1; arvaMf
In,dftftWl**Wt , wi l la-pt#BhXlP , dßuff may
seem, K is a thing not to be smezt and ut,
for it represents a weed which is ooa
stuned the wide world over to such an
extent that those who partake of it in
its various forms wmiM be startlnd it
the array of flgtiffcsr. A Journal strictly
dr voted hi the iiilwcstw lit tub—o
planter 1 and deal* which is pre
•nlmedrto possess reliable statistics in
its peculiar lino, states that tho entire
mass of tobacco annually used by snuf
fers, smokers and cliewers upon tho
earth, is fonr billion pounds. In the
abstract, and spoken of merely as so
many pounds, this statement is not
particularly forniidjtblo, but the illumi
native editor turns himself loose in the
fair fields and greon pastures of his
fancy, and supposes some suppositions
which will enuso the tobacco consumer
to rub his eyes lh considerable amaze
ment. He supposes all tho tobacco
leaves of the annual crop twisted into
a two-inch rope, which girdled aboat
the earth n< the equator, would go
sixty times and leave a handsome bit
of cable besides. How Some Invete
rate old clicwcr would relish such a
“natural twis£" if lie could but take
one end of that tolwcp rope in his
month and chew his way luxurisusty
around the world, being free to expefc
torate at bis own sweet will in all na
tions aud evgry dime. Again, suppose
this muss of tobacco molded into tab
lets or.plugn, and budded into stately
pyramids which would tower high ahwo
those of Egypt, or shaped into a city
of palaces which would outrival cvefii
our new Custom-house, in size and
grandeur. What a glorious resort such
edifices would be for the gangs of idlers
who loaf about our street corners or
frequent our public places, depending
entirely on charity for an occasional
chew. Ilow they could apply their mo
lars assiduously to the columns and cor
ners of such buildings apd gnaw away
to their hearts content. Again suppose,
says this suppositious supposer, that
all tho mills were set to grinding all tho
tobacco into snuff, and that an equinoc
tial whiflwind should snatch up the
titillating powder and shower it down
upon one of the .little German States
as ashes jure showered down in the
neighborhood of Vesuvius. And fur
ther, let us continue to suppose that the
astonished natives should attempt to
clear away r the mysterious snow from
their doorways witli shovels, and that
the snuff should arise and tickle the
nasal organs of the entire population,
after its fashion, and that they should
with one accord begin to sneeze, what
would bo the consequence ? The
thought is an appalling one, for such an
awful outburst of sternutation might
dethrone monarchs and alter the his
tory' of Kurope. Happily, however, the
tobacco crop is not all converted into
snuff, but a good part of it passes
away peacefully, and wc hope innocent
ly, in smoke, while at this season of
the year a considerable quantity is
utilized by prudent housewives in the
preservation of winter garments. There
is plenty of It, according to the figures
wc have produced, so that the con
sumer can continue to consume with
out any fear of the supply being cut
off.
Sleeping Together.
More quarrels occur between brothers,
between sisters, between hired girls, be
tween clerks iu stores, between appren
tices iu mechanic’s shops, between hired
men, between husbands aud wives, owing
to the electrical changes through which
their nervous systems go, by lodging to
gether night after night, under the same
bed-clothes, than by almost any other
disturbing cuuse. There is nothing that
will so derange the nervous system of a
person who is eliminative in nervous
force as to lie all night in bed with an
other person who Is absorbent in nervous
force. The absorber will go to sleep
and all night, while the eliminator
w ill be tumbling and tossing, restless and
nervous, and wake up in the morning
fretful, peevish, fault-finding and dis
couraged. No two persons, no matter
who they are, should habitually sleep
together. One will thrive aud the other
will lose. This is the law, aud, iu mar
ried life, it is defied almost universally.
A Buncombe county woman presented
her husband with live babies in thirteen
months, and a Rowan county woman had
eight at three births. Good State to move
from, North Carolina.
The Supreme Court of Alabama holds
that the marriage of a white person with a
person of the negro race is- a punishable of
fence, and that the law which provides for
such an offence the penally of uot less
than two, nor more than seven years’ hard
i labor, is not in conflict with the act of
Congress known as- The Civil Right*
Act.”