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A FUNNY STORrWITH A MORAL. Stillwater Lumberman. We do not think, Maria Ann and I do not, that Rev. Mr. Tuuker has any right to 'go around talking about us in the way he docs. Of course we are wil ling to admit that this whole business has been unpleasant for him, but it hus been unpleasant for us, too, and it would be no more than Christiun-like in Mr. Tuuker 10 come to the house again uud give us a chance to explain the mutter, and to beg his pardon, for we are wil ling to beg his pardon, and he ought to apologize to us for talking the way he has. As for young Scissors, he can turn up his nose at our Susan Jane all he likes. Everyone knows that he was crazy to get her, and would be now, if he thought he had any chance. We ought not to be blamed about this any more, because we have sold the parrot. I bought that parrot of a man from California. Ido not know where he got it, but the parrot had been carefully traiued, so that if you asked it “ Where did you come from?” it would reply “Yuba Dam,” just like a member of Congress. Indeed, from having sugar, etc., given him for making his answers promptly, the parrot had reached that stage when he was yelling, “Yuba Dam” at all hours of the day, real so ciable. I used to sit for half an hour, after dinner, half asleep, listening to him. It seemed just like a political meeting. A few days after I bought the parrot Susan Jane (she is Maria Anu’s young est sister) ciune in looking very much pleased, and said that Mr. Scissors, the dry goods man, was going to call that evening. I said I should be pleased to see him, at which Maria Ann snickered, and the parrot sung out “ Yuba Dam !” Scissors came about dark, and I ask ed him into the library to have a cigar, but he refused, and the parrot remarked “Yuba Dam” again, and made both the women laugh. As Scissors would not go into the library, I sat down in the parlor and entertained him the best way f could until 9 o’clock, when he left very hurriedly, and slammed the front door so vehemently that it was rather a relief to me that the noise roused the parrot sufficiently so that he could murmur, “ Yuba Dam.” Susan Jane did not speak to me, for some rea -Bon, for several days. One afternoon she returned from a walk as cheerful as ever, and Mr. Scissors was coming again, I thought Mr. Scissors must find me more entertaining than I found him, and j I told my wife that as Scissors did not seem to be much of a conversationalist, perhaps we had better have a little whist or oribbage to entertain him. “ You old fool,” said my wife. “Yuba Dam,” said the parrot. Then my wife explained that Scissors did not care anything about me, but he was coming to see Susan Jane. “ Why,” said I, “he ain’t courting Snsan Jane, is he?” and then Susan Jane looked as blushing and happy as as an angel, and the parrot yelled, “ Oh, Ho, Ha-a-a-a; Yuba Dajn.” So I did not go into the parlor that eveuiug, and as Maria was busy darn-! ing stockings, and could not talk much, I retired early and wa3 soon asleep. Several hours later Maria woke me up. “J. Joshua Jenking. it is raining pitchforks,” she said. I agreed that it did sound that way. She added, “It would be inhuman to let Scissors go home in such a storm. lie ought to stay all night.” I told her that it appeared to me he had stayed all night, but she hushed me up, and I started for the parlor. She' grabbed me by the coat skirt just as I was about to open the parlor door, say ing, “ Well, if you ain’t the biggest idiot!” Then she knocked chairs together, and hit her hand against the door-knob once or tw ice, made a variety of noises, and then told me I could go on. All her trouble w as needless, for w hen I went in Susan sat on one side of the parlor, and Scissors on the opposite side, and they were talking about a war in Mexi ico. Scissors thankfully accepted my j invitation, and I showed him to a room, but he did not have a great deal of time to sleep before breakfast was ready. I brought the parrot out of the par lor, because I thought it would be amus ing to hear him talk while we were eat- , ing, and that ill-omened bird squinted * at Mr. Scissors a few r moments and then went off: Ah-a-a-a,” just as fast as he could jabber “ Scissors, Scissors, Sc-r-r-r, Yuba Dam. Oh, you quit. You’re mussing my hair all up. Yuba Dam, Scissoss, Sc-r-r-r. Oh, I’llscrtam!” You never saw anyone blush so red as Susan Jane did, and Mr. Scissors was VOL. Ill—NO. 17. so embarrassed that he put sugar on his beefsteak, and dipped mustard in his coffee. Maria kicked my shins under the table until she abraded the cuticle in scvernl places, and finally she told me to take the horrible parrot into the wood-shed. 1 did not go at once, be cause the parrot was saying things that I had never heard him say before. I remarked that the intelligence of par rots was wonderful. “ That bird,” said I, “ must think. He never heard any one talk that way." But just then Marie kicked me so hard that I stopped talking to feel of my leg and see whether it was brokeu in one place or two places. “ The parrot went right on, “ Oh, Su san ! Darling Susan Jane," and then he made a smacking noise, with his hill. “My Susan,she should have a carriage and a diamond ring, and go to Paris, O-o-o-o Yuba Dam,” and then he smack ed his bill as though he were crazy. Susan Jane began to cry, and Scissors threw a biscuit and knocked the cage off of the chair, where it stood, and yelled, “ You be damned your owu self. I nev er said so.” “ You did,” said Susan,and w ith that she fainted away, and Mr. Scissors left. I told Maria that I would sell the parrot. He seemed to nave more intel ligence than discretion. But I could O not find a purchaser that forenoon, and in the afternoon Rev. Tuuker called. Maria met him at the door, full of her trials, and began : “ Oh, Mr. Tunker,” “ Yuba Dam,” replied the parrot, and it souuded as though Maria Aim made the whole remark. Mr. Tuuker looked very much horrified, and Maria tried to ex plain, “ Why, Mr. Tuuker, if you think I could use such language”—, “Yuba Dam” yelled the parrot, and Mr. Tuuker whirled and walked away, pulling his hat over his eyes with both hands. I set the cage in the back yard and turned a barrel over it and kept the par rot there on bread and water until I got a chance to soil him, but neither Mr. Tuuker nor Mr. Scissors called at our bouse any more. Bridging the Bloody Chasm. Uparta (<?n.) Timet. A touching scene was witnessed at this place on last Wednesday while Judge Marks was speaking. Referring to the war he said : “ I see before me my gallant friend, Col. Byrd. During the late unhappy rebellion he was on one side, fighting for what lie thought to be right; Iw as on the other, fighting for what I thought to be right. This calls to my mind an old mail in Vir ginia who had two boys. The elder fell marching beneath the Stars and Stripes, the younger battling for the Lost Cause. After the war the old man gathered up their bones, brought them home and laid them side by side in one grave. Above them he erected a single shaft, on one side of which was inscribed,. ‘Sacred to the memory of my eldest son, who fell fighting under the Stars and Stripes.’ On the opposite side was inscribed, ‘ Sa cred to the memory of my youngest son, who fell fighting for the I-ost Cause.’ Higher up, in the center, in hold char acters, was this inscription: ‘God knows who was right.’ High above this was a snow-white banner, on the folds of which was written with an invisible hand, ‘ God knows who was right.’ That old man there erected a platform long enough broad and strong enough for the w hole American people, both North and South, to stand upon. And upon this platform to-day, Col. Byrd, (advancing toward him,) forgetting the past, allow me to shake you by the hand as a brother.” Col. Byrd here arose and advanced to meet him, and the two brave soldiers joined hands amid the deafening ap plause of the spectators. There are various kinds of dignity. There is the dignity of distance or re serve, and of nearness or familiarity. The majority of the world would seem to term that which keeps itself distant “ dignity,” and it is a common sajdng that “ familiarity breeds contempt yet withal this, give us that kind of dignity that will endure familiarity. A mere fool can appear dignified by keep ing himself at a distance, while only the highest kind of a man or woman can be familiar and yet dignified. HARTWELL, GA., WEDNESDAY. DECEMBER 18, 1878. A Beautiful Girl Found Hanging. Just ns we arc going to press, says an exchange, we are startled with the full details of a sad event, which will, no doubt, cast a gloom over this communi ty. For the present, out of respect for the parents of the lady, we refrain from publishing the names of the parties in the scene described below. For the last twenty years there has lived in this town an eminently respectable family, the pride of w hose household was a charm ing daughter of 18. She was as beau tiful as the ideal of a poet, and as re markable for her intelligence as for her surpassing loveliness. Her eyes were like stars of a summer night, and her form, warmed by the blood of woman hood was as graceful as that of a Gre cian goddess. Her hair hung in golden ringlets over her pearly shoulders like molten gold, and her c herry cheeks, as soft as velvet, looked like roses mingled with snow. Asa natural result one would expect that a creature possessed of such charms of mind and fbrra and feature would awaken the grand passion in some man’s bosom ; and such was the case*. For several months past a fasci nating young man hns been paying her the most devoted attention. He, too, was handsome and intelligent. Her fe male friends would occasionally tease her about him, and a flood of conscious blushes would irradjate her beautiful face at the very mention of his name. Ev erything seemed to pass along smoothly for a while, when all of a sudden she lost her spirits and wore a look of mel auchollv. Her musical laughter, like crystal dew-drops upon the silvery leaves, was bushed, and she seemed like a lily which had been made to wither and fade by the burning rays of the summer sun. Her pareuts became anxious about her condition, and watched over her with tender solicitude; although fre quently questioned as to the cause of her sadness and depression of spirits, she made no reply, except in an equivocal kind of style, that rendered confusion worse confounded. Yesterday evening about eight o’clock she was missed from her home, and the worst fears of her parents were excited. They sought high and low, but she was nowhere to be found. Finally her fa ther remembered that of late she had been in the habit of sitting, sad, weep ing, and distracted, in a vine covered arbor, and as that distracted father gazed upon the scene that met bis view, rendered more dismal by the low, glim mering rays from the pale orb of the; night, his cheeks turned pule, and the heaving of his bosom plainly told that it was filled with the deepest emotion. There before him was his beautiful daughter, her tall, graceful form array ed in spotless white, her long, golden hair streaming like a flood of down to the waist, hanging—oh, think of it young I man and maidens, and parents !—hang ing with her arms —around her lover’s neck and her head pillowed on his man ly breast. Who are the Rich * The man with good firm health is rich. So is the man with a good clear con science. So is the parent of vigorous, happy children. So is the clergyman whose coat the little children of his parish pluck, as he passes them in their play. So is that wife who has the whole heart of a good husband. So is the maiden whose horizon is not bounded by the “ coming man,” but who has a purpose in life whether she ever met him or not. So is the young man who, laying his hand on his heart, can say, “ I have trJated every woman I ever saw as I should wish rny sister treated by other men.” So is the little child who goes to sleep with a kiss on its lips, and for whose waking a blessing waits. Snipkins refused to get his wife a new hat for Easter, and soon after their little girl came in and said: “ Slarna, won't you buy me a monkey to play with, when you go down town t" No, darling—wait till you are older, and then marry one, like I did, replied the grief-stricken wife, her tears bursting forth afresh. OH t CAJCT NHET My Arabeller, So ripe and tneller, And goodness! Can’t she love a feller! Her eyes are blaek. And pink her smeller, And goodness ! Can’t she bug a feller ! Her cheeks are red, Her hair is yeller, And goodness ! Can’t she kiss a feller. “Mj Sou, Jesus Christ Can Set You Free.” The following true story is so good that, having heard it told a few days since, we deemed it worth repetition. It is a scrap of the life of Major C’., a Christian gentleman well known in both Chicago and St. Louis. At one time, although reared in a delightful Christian home, he Iftul secretly indulg in the “ mocker,” till he could no longer conceal it from bis wife, llis father and mother were spending the season with him. On one evening, unable to hold out longer, he came in quite visi bly under the influence of wine, lie could not lail to see tlmt his family L * were all grieved and shocked, and em barrassment ensued, lie walked out in restlessness. At length, passing his mother, with tears streaming down her cheeks, he heard her say, “My son, ‘Jesus Christ can set you free.” lie passed on to an upper room, where some boon companions had been invited to assemble at nine o’clock. He approach ed the wine table, and, turning out a glass, suid, “Mother says ‘Jesus Christ can set me free I wonder if lie can ; 1 want to be free,” and lie passed on. While the son paced the floor aliove, the family prayed below that the “friends” might be prevented from coming. Still lie paced, and still ibey prayed, till long after nine o’clock. Again and again lie repeated, as lie walked, “ Mother says Jesus can set me free.” And he finally kneeled be fore the wine, saying “ O Lord Jesus ! mother says you can set me free. If you can, do it; for I want to be free.” And iie rose and descended to the par lor, kneeling with the family and say ing, “ I have told the Lord what you said, mother, and I believe he will set me free.” From that hour lie has been saved from the fearful appetite, and ever since he attests the power of the grace of God to save the inebriate from his ap petites. This is the proper channel through which to save the enslaved. It is this Christian element which is to re form society. It is iu this path that the Woman s Christian Temperance union is trying to work, and pray, and believe. A Just Rebuke. I once heard this anecdote of Judge Parsons, said the Rev. James Freeman Clark, the great Massachusetts advo cate and lawyer. It is said that, being about to try a mercantile case, he or dered a jury to be summoned, and among the names was that of Col. Thomas 11. Perkins, the leading mer chant of Boston in that day, and a per sonal friend of Judge Parsons. When the officer made his return, lie laid down a fifty dollar bill before the judge. “ What is that ?” said Parsons. “Col. Perkins says lie is very busy indeed, to-day, and prefers to pay his fine.” “Take that back to Col. Perkins,” said the judge, “ and tell him to come here, at once ; and if lie refuses, bring him by force.” When Col. Perkins appeared, the judge looked sternly at him, and said, “ What do you mean sir, by sending money when you werq summoned to sit on this jury ?” Col. Perkins replied: “ I meant no disrespect to the court, your honor; but I was extremely busy fitting out a ship for the East Indies, and 1 thought if I paid my fine I might be excused.” “ Fitting out a ship for the East In dies, sir !” shouted the judge ; “ and liow happens it that you are able to fit out a ship for the East Indies ?” “ Your honor, I do not understand you.” “ I repeat, then, my question, how is it that you are able to fit out a ship for the East Indies ? If you do not know, I will tell you. It is because the laws of your country arc properly adminis- WHOLE NO. 121. tered. If they were not, you would have no ships. Take your scat, sir, with the jury.” They Wouldn’t Fight That Way. About the commencement of the war, Judge Itice made a speech in south Alabama, in which he said that the Southern soldiers could whip the Yan kees with pop-guns. Since the war he chanced to make another spoeeli at the same place. A big, double-jointed fellow was present who heard and remembered the former speech, and, being in no amia ble frame of mind, concluded to go for Sam. Rolling up bis sleeves and popping his fist into the palm of bis hand, lie propounded the fearful question : “ Sav, Sam Rice, didn't you make a speech here in 1861 ?” “ I did,” said Sam. “ And didn’t you say we could whip the Yankees with pop-guns ?” “ Certainly I did; but the rascals wouldn’t fight us that way.” If we die to-dav, the sun will shine as brightly, the birds will sing as sweet ly to-morrow. Business will not be suspended a moment, and the great mass will not bestow a thought upon our memories. “Is bo dead ?” will be the solemn inquiry of a few, as they pass to their work. But no one will miss us, excepting immediate connec tions, and in a short time they will for get and laugh as merrily as when we sat beside them. Thus shall we all pass away. Our children crowd close behind us, and they will soon pass away. In a few years not a living being can say, “ I remember him.” We lived in another age, and did business with those who slumber in the tomb. This is life ! llow rapidly it passes. Every day we have evidence that the small boy Ims no soul. The other day a crowd gathered around a fanner whose wagon load of butter and eggs was fust in a mud hole, and while some suggested that he pull his horse gee, and others that lie pull his horse haw, the ever-present small boy yelled, “ It’s no use, mister. Yer old horse ain’t stout enough. Take him out an' hitch in a roll of ycr butter.” Pay, pay, pay—everything in this life is pay. When we are born, doc tors are to pay ; when we are schooled, teachers are to pay ; when we are wed, preachers are to pay ; when we are sued, lawyers are to pay; when we are fath ers, merchants are to pay, and so it goes all the way through life—pay, pay, pay ; and even at lust, when some of us have honored the Great Reaper's sight-draft, there is to pay. Avoid the companion who jests at everything! Such people disparage, by some ludicrous association, all ob jects which are presented to their thoughts, and thereby render them selves incapable of any emotion which can either elevate or soften them ; they bring upon their moral being an influ ence more withering than the blasts of the desert. A man in Florida walked ninety-one miles to vote. Yes, and two minutes after that fellow was elected, he would not have given this walkest a chew of tobacco or a crumb of bread. Men are very patriotic and liberal while the}- are candidates, but after they are elect ed —well, wc can’t do the subject jus tice—that’s all. The Cincinnati Enquirer summarizes the whole situation at Washington in these head lines over its Washington special: “The Republicans United, Saucy, and Eager to Flaunt the Bloody Shirt. The Democrats, as Usual, Hes itating, Undecided, and Absolutely Without a Leader.” A gentleman in New Orleans was agreeably surprised to find a plump turkey served up for hie dinner, and in quired of his servant how it was ob tained. “ Why, sir,” replied Sambo, “ dat turkey has been roosting on our fence tree nights, so dis morning I seize him for de rent of de fence.” A young lady just returned from a boarding school, on being told by the servant that they had no gooseberries, exclaimed : “ Why, what has happened to-the goose ?” * i 07R WASHINGTON LETTER. W.AKMUfoTOK, D. C., Doc. r *, 1878. The House cu ’\ sterday, the second day of the sesslcr, passed two appro priation bills—the Fortification bill, amounting to $275,000, the same ns last year, and the West I'oi t. bill, amounting to about $300,000. '’here was no opposition and but little dis cussion. The Appropriation Commit tee will have its hills ready as fast as the House can take care of them. On the larger one there will of course be debate, but everything so far indicates a working rather than stalking session. Even Senator Blaine's buncombe reso lution as to the intimidation of voters, which comes up to-day, will probably pass with littlo or no discussion. The Democrats will attempt to secure amendments, hut seem disposed not to insist on them. Senator Thurman and perhaps one Southern Senator will make short speeches. Many bills on financial subjects have been presented, but it becomes clearer every day that none of them will even receive consid eration until after the fixed day for re sumption—January Ist. Secretary Sherman prepared and had submitted to the House and Senate the bills providing for the issue by Gov ernment of certificates for $lO and larger amounts, bearing interest at 3.65 per cent., and convertible within a year into 4 per cent, bonds. This will Imre the earnest support of Secretary Sher man and other members of the Cabinet. The interest of yesterday’s session was almost entirely confined to tho speech of Senator Stanley Mathews in support of the bill in the Texas & Pacific Railroad. Mr. Mathews is a pleasant speaker, lmd a subject just now attracting attention throughout the country, and was attentively listened to throughout. He claimed that the contemplated aid would result in great and general benefit, would not cost the Government a dollar, and was not a subsidy. The ablest men in the Sen ate will be heard on this subject. The friends of the measure are very san guine, and apparently, with reason. General Sherman and Quartermaster- General Meigs yesterday gave their opinion at length on the subject of the Indian Bureau transfer. Gen. Meigs is an officer of experience and sense, and has the confidence of Congress to as great an extent, perhaps, as any other man living, llis opinion will have great weight, lie thinks the transfer will he beneficial to both races. General Sherman favors it also, but he is not a man of great influence with Congress. The proposed change is certainly growing in favor, especially since Secretary Schurz says it is im possible for ins Department to take care of the Indians without a great deal more money and without saddling upon the country anew and numerous class of office-holders. It is safe to predict that Government money will not lie spent loosely as in the past, and that the Secretary will soon bo laughed at who proposes to Increase the already absurdly large number of officials. Rex. Is not a detective in the United States coinage bureau a min's spy? A loaded pistol was found the other day packed in a bale of cotton at Charleston. A Virginia girl with the whooping cough drew a bean into her windpipe and died in a few moments. Dr. Blodgett, a missionary iu China, estimates the number of deaths by fam ine in North China at 10,000,000. The Ordinary of Gwinnett, accord ing to the lh raid, issued six marriage licenses in half an hour, one day last week. A colored woman who sat down on a bee-hive to watch the progress of a fire in Russellville, left her seat before the close of the entertainment. There ought to be some way to put up good advice in tin cans to he kept until used. A great deal of it is thrown about loose and wasted. Meetings are being held and the tobacco-producing counties of Virginia demanding, not only a reduction, but the abolition of tax on tobacco. The balance of trade is really a nice thing. A Nelson farmer brought to the village, a few days ago, a load of new wheat and went home with a load of old rye. In the forty-second Congress there were nine negroes; in the forty-third, seven ; in the forty-fourth, four; in the forty-’ifth, three; in the forty-sixth there will be hut one—Bruce, of Miss issippi.