Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

RAMBLES nr HART CONTINUED. Messrs. Editors: The work of ray Bible agency in llart will end fn about two weeks; and while the work has been arduous and responsible, it never theless has been attended with a degree of interest to me, as well a9 pleasure, and the amount of good that will grow out of it will be remembered with grat itude to the Giver of all good for plac ing me In the |x>sition and giving me the opportunity to leave my footprints on the sands of time. Not the least cause of pleasure is the fact of having made the acquaintance of so many val uable friends, whose kindness will be treasured up and never forgotten—no, never! And, while lam not disposed to make invidious distinctions, I must be allowed to record in my long list of friends many members and ministers of the Baptist and Presbyterian denom nations. May the smiles of a com passionate father attend them and give them abundant success in all things pertaining to this life, and in the world to come life eternal. The truth is, I have met with so much kindness in mingling with your people, that I feel loth to part with you all, and can almost adopt the fine sentiment of one of the ancient worthies, with a slight par aphrase : Your people shall be my peo ple, your God shall be my God ; where you live let me live, and where you die let me die. That my friends may know some of the results of my canvass in Hart, I give an extract of a letter from the Agent of the American Bible Society for Georgia and Florida : “I am well satisfied with your work of canvassing Hart County, and shall be glad to have you take either or both of the other counties I mentioned to you. You have done a good work, and the interesting incidents you sent me will find their way into the public prints and encourage the hearts of Christians all over the country.” I write this at the new and flourish ing town of Roj’ston, and I do not use fulsome language when I tell you that Roystnn's motto is “ Onward and Up ward !” Since mv short absence, W. A. Roy ston, with his own means, has erected quite a convenient school-house, and Prof. I. A. Harrison is teaching a fine school in it. I had the honor on last Sabbath of meeting an interesting Sab bath school and dedicating the building to God and to learning. A. S. Turner, the worthy and accom modating Depot Agent, and interest ing family, has taken possession of his house, and the additional honor con ferred upon your bumble servant of dedicating the preacher's home. May it stand long to rest the weary itinerant and the smiling landlady live as long to invite them to the festive board. I have been prospecting, and without doubt will be be able to organize a Church at my next appointment, The section master here will take possession this week of anew building just put up by the Railroad company. More anon. S. D. Gaines. How Opium Makes a Chinaman Feel. Wah Shungr, the Sixth street laundry man, entered the drug store opposite his dive yesterday evening, and throwing down a nickel, said : “ Flive centee opium.” While the clerk was getting him the drug a Cincinnati Enquirer representa tive engaged the Chinaman in conversa tion. “ Buy much opium, Wah !” “ Flive, ten fifteen worth a day.” “ Use it on shirts?” “ Hello, no ! Smoke it.” Like it?” “Belle good,” and a happy smile spread over his mummy-like features. “Tell me something about it,” said the Enquirer man; “what kind of an effect does it produce—how does it make you feel?” “ Makes Chinaman feel likee ” —and here he was stuck for a comparison to denote perfect happiness and content ment —“makes Chinaman feel likee, likee Melican man, General Grant, allee time plenty money, no much workec, take things easy.” “ Makes you forget your troubles,does it?” “ Yes; forget troubles alee same likee when you sleep.” “ See nice things in your dreams?” “ Bellv nice. Everything big and beautiful,” and he made an enraptured gesture with his hands. “Everything grand, I suppose!” “Belly grand. Chinaman’s cellar look like Gibson House.” “ Is it possible?” “Smooin’ iron look likee train of cars and w ashee-w ash-tub likee a steamboat.” “ You don’t say so? And what else?” “Oh, heep else. Wah Shung feel likee sold out and gone back to China with twenty-five dollars.” Charleston News and Courier; “ One or two fragments of bone have been re moved from from Senator Hampton's wound during the past week. As was hopefully anticipated by bis physicians nature is now performing the work of ejecting that portion which lias proved a source of irritation for so many weeks, and it is only necessary now to aid her efforts to the slight extent of removing the fragments as they are presented. A second amputation will not be re quired, as has been so widely and erro neously rumored, and the Senator’s complete recovery may now be speedily looked for.” VOL. Ill —NO. 34. The Fun They Had on the First of April. CainesvtUe Eagle. Mrs. S , on Athens street, is ns sweet a little bit of a wee wife ns there is in this, or any other town, nnd she is as full of fun and frolic as a kitten. Her husband is n good enough man in his way but he is not fuunv- He is one of these 9ober, solemn sockdologers, whose mouth seems always ready puckered to say Amen, and he goes slouching through the world with his hands in his pockets, nnd if a good square joke was to get into him, it would blow him up like a ran of nitro glycerine. His patient, sweet-tem pered little wife manages, however, to work more or less harmless mischiel in to him, and he loves her so well, that he submits with a sort of dogged grace to whatever she does, and once or twice, so the neighbors say, he has managed to break the grain on the leather of his face, and smile a sort of consumptive grin, and then twitch his ears as though trying to punish them for not keeping guard over his risible*. Last Tuesday while he was up town at the sheriffs sale trying to buy a three wheeled wagon for sixty cents, his wife concluded she would give him a bit of a shaking up when he came home that night. She fixed an old pistol which she found in the bureau drawer to one of the columns of the back porch, wrap ped an old army overcoat around it and having put a string to the trigger, car ried it in at the window and awaited his coming. After supper as they were sit ting by the fire speaking of tramps, and the many robberies and all that sort of thing, Mrs. S stopper! suddenly. “ What is that?” said she. “ Sh—sh !” said he. “ Did you hear a noise on the back porch ?” “ Yes, I think I did.” “Do go and see what it is.” “ Hush; I w ill,” and picking up a heavy stick, he crept cautiously to the backdoor, unfastened it and peered out. There stood a inufHed figure on the outer edge of ttie porch. “ Who’s that?” sharply. No answer. “ Who’s that, I say?” more sharply. Still no answer. “ Well, if you can’t talk, I’ll see if I can't make you,” said he flourishing his stick, and strode out into his porch. Bang! “ Amen,” said S , as he struck the ft< or, “Oh, Lord, Millie! Police ! Fire ! Murder! Turn loose the dog. I’m a dead man. Good-bye, darling.” “Oh, mercy upon us !” screamed Mrs. S , “ what is the matter?” “Oh, my darling, I’m fouly murder ed. Kiss me before I go, raise the chil dren the best you can and try—.” By this time Mrs. S could hold in no longer. She sat down in a chair, held her sides and laughed till the tears came. S thought at first that she had gone crazy, but by this time Jones, w ho lives next door, arrived with a light, and Mrs. S tried to explain as best she could between her paroxysms of mirth how it had all come about. Before she got through, S had got hack into the room and laid himself out in an easy chair. For three solid hours he did not say a word, and poor little Mrs. S , mute as a mouse, was w ait ing his august pleasure. At last be looked over at her and said : “ I say, Millie, if you can keep Jones’ folks from saying anything about this thing, you can go up to DuPree’s to morrow and buy the handsomest black silk in his store. Come and kiss me any how, you mischievous rogue.” A Cat Story I was telling a cat story with all the truthfulness with which I have always endeavored to relate it, one evening in the parlor of a New York hotel. My venerable friend, Dr. T , of Connec ticut, who happened to be present, lis tened attentively, and then proceeded to remark in his habitual serious mood : “Captain, that was a remarkable cat, but I have one at N M that is even more wonderful. She too, always annoyed us, but we are now resigned to the inevitable. It is said that a cat lias nine lives, but some cats never die. Three years ago I attempted to poison her with arsenic, and gave her a dose large enough to kill an ox. It had no effect whatever. I then tried strychnine, but was equally unsuccessful. As to Croton oil, which was next given her, she would lap it like milk. In short, everything in the way of poison being a failure, I went out to the pond near my house and cut a hole in the ice, which was a foot thick, put her in it and cover ed it over securely with a plank. But she swam under the ice for an eighth of a mile and came out where the water was over the dam. At last I adopted a decisive measure. I took a hatchet and cut of her head and threw it over the wall. But the wonderful iustinct of that cat! When I came down in the morning to my kitchen, there she was, sitting in the chimney coruer, holding io her mouth the head that she had found !” Without a word of reply I took my hat and left the room. A New Order. The other day, after a strapping young man had sold a load of corn and potatoes on the market and had taken his team to a hotel barn to “ feed,” it became known to the- men around the barn that he was very desirous of join ing some secret society In town. When questioned, he admitted that such was the case, and the boys at once offered to initiate him into anew order, called ** The Cavaliers of Coveo.” He was told that it was twice as secret as Free Masonry, much nicer than Odd Fellow ship, and the cost was only two dollars. In case he had the toothache he could draw five dollars per week from the re lief fund, and he was entitled to receive ten dollars for every headache, and twenty-five dollars for a sore throat. The young man thought he had struck a big thing, and after eating a hearty dinner he was taken into a store room above the barn to be initiated. The boys poured cold water down his back, put flour on his hair, swore him to kill his moiher, if commanded, and rushed him around for an hour without a single complaint from his lips. When they had finished he inquired : “Now I’m one of the Cavaliers of Coveo, am I?” •• You are,” they answered. “ Nothing more to learn, is there ?” “ Nothing.” “Well, then, I’m going to lick the whole crowd !” continued the candidate, and he went at it. and before he got through he had his two dollars initia tion fee hack, and three more to boot, and had knocked everybody down two or three times apiece. lie didn’t seem greatly disturbed in mind as he left the barn. On the contrary, his hat was slanted over, he had a fresh fivc-cent cigar in his teeth, and he mildly said to one of the barn-boys : “Say, boy, if you hear of any cava liers, asking for a Coveo about my size, tell ’em I'll be in on the full of the moon to take the Royal Sky fugle de grees.” Searching; for Papa. Clcvelaiid Herald. A lady in the street met a little girl between two and three years old, evi dently lost, and crying bitterly. The lady took the baby's hand and asked where she was going. “ Going to find my papa,” was the sobbing reply. “ What is your papa's name ?” asked the lady. “ His name is papa.” “ But what is his other name ? what does your mamma call him ?” “ She calls him papa,” persisted the little creature. “ The lady then tried to lead her along, saying, “ you had better come with me. I guess yon came this way.” “ Yes, hut I don’t want to go back. I want to find my papa,” replied the little girl, crying afresh as if her heart would break. “ What do you want of your papa ?” asked the lady. “ I want to kiss him.” Just at that time a sister of the little child who hud been searching for her came along and took possession of the runaway. From inquiry it appeared that the little one’s papa, whom she 1 was earnestly seeking, had recently | died, and she, tired of waiting for him to come home, had gone to find him. A Letter for Murphy. A little freckled faced ten-year old school boy stopped at the post-office in Columbia, the other day and yelled out: “ Anything for any of the Murphys ?” “ No, there is not.” “ Anything for Jane Murphy ?” “ Nothing.” “Anything for Ann Murphy ?’’ “ No.” “ Anything for Tom Murphy ?” “ No, sir, not a bit.” “ Anything for Terry Murphy ?” “No; nor for Pat Murphy, nor Den nis Murphy, nor Pete Murphy, nor Paul Murphy, nor Bridget Murphy, nor for any Murphy, dead, living, unborn, native or foreign, civilized or uncivil ized, savage or harbarious, male or fe male, black or white, franchised or dis franchised, naturalized or otherwise. No, sir, there is positively nothing for any of the Murphys, either individual ly, jointly or severally, now and for ever. one and inseparable.” The hoy looked at the postmaster in astonishment and said : “ Please look if there is anything for my teacher, Clarence Murphy.” The Postmaster-General of the United States once received an odd official com munication. The RCaborn postmaster, new to his duties, writing to his superior officer, said : “ Seeing by regulations, that I am required to send you a letter of advice, I must plead in excuse that I have been postmaster but a short time ; but I will say, if your office pay is no better than mine, 1 advise you to give it up.” To this day that Postmaster-Gen eral has not decided whether his subor dinate was an ignoramus or was quietly poking fun at bim. HARTWELL, GA.. WEDNESDAY APRIL 23. 1870. “ Oat Straw !” On the first day of April, one of our shrewdest suburbans came into town with an open wagon loaded with oat straw, whioh he was anxious to sell to thosfe about putting down their spring carpets. He accordingly drove through the more quiet streets crying “ Oat Straw !” at the top of his voice. When the wagon was half emptied, some fel low put the stomp of a lighted segar under the straw and left it to take care of Itself, lie rode along, crying, “Oat Straw!” until, by and by, a small boy said: “ Mister, your cart is afire !" He had it full in mind that it was the day of April, and took no notice of it but kept. on. " Say,” said a gentleman as he pass ed, “ your straw is smoking.” “ So's your aunt,” he replied, look ing very cunning. “ Mister!” screamed a red-headed woman from an upper window, “ your straw's burning.” “ So’s your head, mum ; put it in a bucket of water, mum, and ’stinguish it. OatgStraw !” Tims he went on touching his nose at some alarmist, and replying to oth ers, till he met a policeman, ‘* See'here, said that functionary, are von a cussed incendiary, going to burn the town ? Your wagon is all on lire.” He dared not reply saucily, but with a grin assured the man of buttons that he knew chalk from cheese on the first of April, when his horse was suddenly seized by the head and turned around, the wind bringing the smoke full into the driver’s face. “ Fire !” he yelled. “ Oat Straw ! Fire !—and I thought all the time that it was a stupid first of April hoax. Seventy-five cents out and no insur ance ! Who in the thunder ever heard of a spontaneous combustion in April!" Ben Butler and Damnation. Mr. Benjamin Butler was in his youth destined by his mother to be a Baptist minister, and she sent him to Wnterville college for preparation. Mr. Bland, a new biographer, relates that one of the professors delivered a sermon in the chapel, in which he said: “1. None hut the elect enn be saved, 2. Of so called Christians, probably not more than one in a hundred will he saved. 3. Heathen people will have more consid eration of the Almighty in future life than men of Christian nations, who hear but do not profit by the word of God.” After hearing this sermon young Butler [>etitioned the faculty to relieve him from further attendance upon preaching upon the ground that according to the propor tion stated, not above six persons in the college could possibly he saved ; and as there were nine worthy professors, all of them doctors of divinity, it would be presumptious for him, a poor student, to hope for even the remotest chance of sal vation ; hence in attending church, he was only making his damnation more certain and terrible. The Length of Days. At I/mdon, England, and Bremen, Prussia, the longest day lias sixteen and and a half hours. At Stockholm, in Sweden, the longest day lias 18 and a half hours. At Hamburg, Germany, and Dantzic, in Russia; the longest day is seventeen hours, and the shortest seven hours. At St Petersburg, in Russia; and To bolsk, in Siberia; the longest day is 19 hours, and the shortest five and a half. At Tornca, in Finland ; the longest day has 21 hours, and the shortest two and a half. At Wardbuys, in Norway, the long est day lasts from the 31st of May to the 22d of July without interruption; and at Spitzbergen the longest day is three months and a half. At New York the longest day is lfi hours and fifty-six minutes; and at Montreal, fifteen and a half hours. Old Stories that are Good. Mistress of herself was the spouse of the old gentleman who contrived to tum ble off'the ferry-boat into the Mississippi, and was encouraged to struggle for dear life by his better-halfshouting : “ There, .Samuel, didu’t I tell you so? Now, then, work your legs, flap your arms, hold your breath, and repeat the lord's prayer; for it’s mighty onsartin, Sam uel, whether you land in Vicksburg or eternity !” Thoroughly oblivious of court man ners was the red-cloaked old Kentish dame who found her way into the tent occupied by Queen Charlotte, at a vol unteer review, held shortly after her coming to England, and, after staring at the royal lady with her arms akimbo, ob server! : “ Well, I declare, she’s not so ugly as they told me she was !” The as tonished Queen gratefully accepted the compliment, saying : “ Well, my good woman, I am verv glad of that, I assure you.” M “The world is now so full of fools That he who would not see an ass. Must stay at borne with bolted doors. Anl break his looking-glass.” WHOLE NO. 138. Weights and Measures. As every fhmilv is not furnished with scnles nnd weights, we give below a few measures which will be found con venient : Every family should lie furnished with scales and weights, nnd it is also advisable to have wooden measures. About sixty dropsofanv kind of thin liquid will fill a common-sized teaspoon. Four tablespoonsful, or half a gill, will till u common-sized wine-glass. Four wine-glasses will fill a half-pint measure, a common tumbler or a large coffee cup. Ten eggs usually weigh one pound before they are broken. Eight large ones will weigh one pound. A tablespoonful of salt will weigh about one ounce. Une pint of water or milk will weigh one pound. One pint of molasses will weigh one one one-qnartcr pounds. Three "teaspoonsful of baking pow der should weigh one ounce. One quart of tlour weighs one pound. One quart of Indian corn meal weighs one and a quarter pound*. Spanking as a Cure. Spanking has varied uses. A child at Fort Wayne, Indiana, had the mis fortune to suck a kernel of corn into its windpipe. The doctor was sent for in haste, and announced that it would lie necessary to perforin the operation of tracheotomy to save the child’s life. The Hoosier mother, familiar with n practice of domestic surgery of a dif ferent sort, and not pleased with the idea of having the child's windpipe cut open, seized the sufferer by one leg, and hold ing him up, head downward, adminis tered sundry resounding spanks. There was a sound not unlike the report of a |>opgiin, and the kernel of corn was ejected with great force. The ch'ld was at once relieved, and recovered, of course. The Yorkville Enquirer of Thursday last says: “It having been reported to the Secretary of War that the graves of eight Unite<i States soldiers, who died here and were interred in the cemetery near the Methodist Church, during the the period this place was garrisoned, were desecrated, and the report being accompanied with the recoinmeiidation that the bodies should he removed to the national cemetery at Florence, the Sec retary of War referred the matter to Muj. J. M. Belcher, a United States of ficer stationed at Charleston. That offi cer visited Yorkville last week, and found the statement entirely incorrect as to the alleged desecration of the graves. Wh.LG'apt. Hyerwas in command here he caused the plat containing those graves to lie inclosed by a neat rustic fence, and it as well as the headboards murking the graves are intact. The soldiers’ graves are a part of the town cemetery, and rcgnrdod as sacred as any portion of the inclosure. There is not a South Carolinian in this entire commu nity who would he guilty of the act of desecrating the grave of a United States soldier; and on occasions of decorating soldiers’ graves, in our cemetery, the graves of these soldiers have received the same floral tributes as were bestowed upon those who fell in the Confederate service.”. Professor Lockyer tliiuks that human life on the planet Mars may he very much like human life on the earth. Altogether the light cannot be so bright, yet the organs of sight of the inhabi tants may lie so much more susceptible as to make their vision quite as good as ours. Probably the heat on Mars is less than on the earth, as the polar snows extend further toward the equator, hut it is by no means in proportion to the lessened power of solar rays. Several remarkable sens are now definable in the southern hemispheres, where, as in the case of the southern hemispheres of the earth, water covers a much larger area than in the northern hemisphere. One of the southern seas of Mars is very like the Baltic in outline. Another sea near the equator is one thousand miles in length and aboutone hundred in breadth —a long, straggling body of water, pretty much Jthe shape of the letter laid on its hack, stretching from cast to west. A man of small property, belonging to Charlestown, called upon Mr. Choate, a distinguished lawyer, to ascertain whether a tax of ten dollars had been rightly levied or not. The great advo cate turned him over to his young part ner, who prepared an opinion and se cured his senior’s signature to the same, who told him to charge a fee of twenty five dollars for the work. When the opinion was called for, the poor client complained of the high charge, and said he had but fifteen dollars ready money in the world. The juuior part ner took the fifteen dollars, and re ceipted the bill; and, when he told his senior what he had done, the distin guished lawyer said, “ You took all he had, did you? Well, I have nothing to say to that; that's strictly profess lor.ai" ALL SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS. Perseverance is the best school for man ly virtue. Tbe new-born babe is the creature of suck-em-stances. Courage and common sense do more for a man than money or hair patteA in the middle. Politeness is money, which enriches not him who receives It, but him who dispenses it. “ I think our church will last a urmd many years yet,” said a waggish dm con to hia minister: 'T ace the akjepesli are very sound.” * - Garabaldi's daughter has been com pelled to take the stage. She is now acting in pantomine nt the Surry The atre, Indon. Surry to hear it. “ Someliody’s coming when the Dew drops Fall ” is said to be a very bcautt- Ail song. 11 Somebody’s coming when the Note Falls I)uc ” is not so enchant ing. The Columbus (Ga.) Enquirer-Sun ob serves that a Cincinnati newspaper gave away five thousand pistols last year to subscribers. Wheu every boy and negro in the land ran get a ‘‘Little All Right” pistol by subscribing for a newspaper it is no wonder that wo arc developing into a nation of murderers. When I was a young man I was always In a hurry to hold the big end of the log and do all the lifting. Now I am older I seize hold of the small end and do all the grunting. Wise men make the mistakes and fools the blun ders, and this is about all the ditlerence between them.—Josh Billings. When an old backwoodsman was about to take Ids first ride on a Missis sippi steamer he was asked whether he would take deck or cabin passage. “ Well,” said he in a resigned sort of wnv, “ I’ve lived all my life in a cabin, nnd I guess cabin passage will be good enough for a rough clinp like me.” The political nnd social Eden of New England is New Fairfield, in Connecti cut. The town, instead of being in debt, has money at interest; within its limits it has no distillery, no grogshop, no court house, no jail, no doctor, no lawyer, no constable, no policemen, no ninlc negroes and only three paupers.—N. Y. Post. Story in the World: A J’oung lady was sitting with a gallant captain In a charmingly decorated recess. On her knee was a diminutive niece. In the adjoining room, with the door open, were the rest of the company. Says the little niece, in a jealous and very audible voice, “ Auntie, kiss me, too.” I leave you to imagine what bail just happened. “ You should say twice, Ethel dear; two is not grammar,” was the immediate rejoinder. Clever girl, that 1 A man was at midnight creeping softly along the bedroom floor, on hia hanrls and knees, and was feeling care fully under the bureau for something lie had hidden there the evening tie fore ; hut his wife awoke and said : “ Peter, what under the heavens art you doing ?” “Dear,” said he, “I’m walking in my sleep, and dreaming that 1 am plucking some water-liliea from the soft, blue bosom of the lake.” How to get that flask out of there before she got up in the morning was what worried him more than the water lilies did. Supiwse a man and girl were mar ried ; and—which is, of course, impos sible—that, at the time of the hymene al contract, the man was thirty-five years old and the girl five; which makes the man seven times as old as the girl. They live together until the girl is ten years—this makes him forty years old, and four times as old as the girl; they live until she was fifteen, the man being forty-five—this makes the man three times as old ; they still live, she is thirty years old —this makes the man sixty, only twice as old ; and now, as we haven't time to work it out, perhaps someone will he good enough to tell us how long they will have to live to make the girl as old as the man. A piece of lemon upon a corn will re lieve it in a day or so. It should be re newed night and morning. The free use of lemon juice and sugar will al ways relieve a cough. A leinon eaten before breakfast every day for a week or two will entirely prevent the feeling of lassitude peculiar to the approach of spring. Perhaps its most valuable prop erty is its absolute power of detecting any of the injurious and even dangerous in gredients entering into the composition of so very many of the cosmetics and face powders in the market. Every lady should subject her toilet powder to this test. Place a spoonful of the susjiected powder in a glass and add the juice of a lemon. If effervescence takes place it is an infallible proof that the powder is dangerous, and its use should he avoid ed, as it will ultimately injure the skin and destroy the beauty of the complex ion. A colored voter in Mobile, Ala., had been employed by a merchant to take sonic kerosene oil to the Mobile and Ohio railroad depot for shipment. He informed the gentleman who employed him that he was going to vote the Dem ocratic ticket —wouldn’t think of voting any other. On his return from the de pot he was asked for the receipt for the kerosene oil. Putting his hand into his pocket he pnlled oat a citizen’* ticket. “ This isn’t the receipt,” ex claimed the merchant. “ Bless de Lord,” was the response, “ I done gone au’ voted de kerozenc oil ticket.”