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NIAGARA FALLS. BY SIJM JIM. When my friend, Professor Huxley, was in this country, 1 took him to see one of the greatest of our American in stitutions—the Niagara Falls. The Professor and I used to be boys and girls together in our school days at Oxford (Ohio.) His mother was our family washer woman. I never hesitated to associate witli him on that account, however. I may be rich and highly educated, but I am not proud. Professor Huxley desired to take a scientific observation of the falls, to determine whether they were dwindling away or not; but he refused to under take the job without my assistance. As soon as we arrived on the spot, the Professor saddled his nose with a pair of forty-horse-power spectacles, and leveled them at the falls. I afterwards learned that those spec tacles were made purposely for this purpose, and cost upward of fifteen dollars. Huxley is very extravagant about such things. Now the only glass I used was a ten cent glass of whisky. And I arrived at the same decision he did about the final disappearance of Niagara. The only difference was that I could see double the number of cataracts ob served by him. After standing half a day examining and analyzing the water, drawing nu merous deductions and a large number of corks from champagne bottles, get ting our feet wet and still finding our selves very dry every fifteen minutes, we discovered, beyond all question, that the falls were still there, whatever miodit become of them in future. At Professor Huxley’s request, I then went to the blackboard to make an exact calculation of the time old Niagara would require in fading away. Which I accomplished by the follow ing correct rule, which is simple enough when you understand it: Six is a six; 20 into 30 goes once and two feet over ; figure is a figure ; 6 times nought is 6 noughts ; nothing from nothing leaves on the 5 :30 train, baggage checked for Troy. The action of water on solid rock di minishes it at the rate of seven cents per cubic inch—pa3al>le in advance. 25 into 13 won’t go unless it is cut in two; 40 times 1 is 41—set down the 1 and carry 4 out on a shutter. Three is a 3 ; 0 is,half a dozen, and two pounds and ten inches. Two is a company, three is a crowd. The hypothenuse of the parallelo gram is equal to the square of the base of the circle; two of them is equal to twice as much, so the ratio of 1 to 1 is the same as one to another, or anybody else. Nought and six is GO —put down the six and let the nought take care of itself. • Eight noughts is 8 ; 5 and 7 are 11 and one over. Rub it all out with a damp sponge, and put down 6,000 years, 12 months, 32 days, 25 hours, 3 minutes and a quarter. And you have the exact time that will be consumed by Niagara Falls in passing out of existence. You might object to that quarter of a minute, but 1 insist on that. The years may be wrong, but I will stand up for that quarter of a minute if I get knocked down. The professor agreed with me per fectly—only he intimated that there might be a mistake of a few centuries. But you will observe that I reached the result by a very simple method of calculation, and there must be some thing in it. I am so expert at ciphering that I can bring about any result I please with figures. I used to be a Chicago savings-bank director. After all, Professor Huxley adopted my figures, as his own. and exhibited it to the world. So there can be no doubt that the great Niagara is gradually growing less. Those who have never seen this mar velous work of nature, had better go and look at it as soon as the}' can con veniently do so. Or they will miss a grand sight. The falls are undoubtedly in a state of decline, and some fine morning you will go there and find nothing but a suspension bride and a lot of ruined hotels to look at. It is only a question of time. The Professor and 1 are positively agreed that, in the course of sixty cen- The Hartwell Sun. By BENSON & McGill. VOL. IV—NO. 47. turies or *o, the Falls of the Niagara will be reduced to the height of an or dinary mill-dam. If this does not oc cur just as we say, we will make you a present of a bottle of Hop Bitters— large size. Of course, that will be a dam’s height better than no falls at all, but it won't be anything to brag about. Some of us will be grey-headed, no doubt, before that time comes. It seems like a long time to wait for the proof of the statement made by Professor Huxley and myself. But there is one consolation : If there is any truth in the old ad age that “ Time is Money,” we will all be as rich as Croesus before our con sumptive Niagara closes up accounts. And if Time is money, I wish some kind friend would giye me change for couple of months in small bills. The greater part of my wealth con sists of shares in that institution. And I am willing to dispose of them at a discount. Huxley and I, having made the re markable and painful discovery that Niagara would have to be viewed with a microscope six thousand years hence, repaired to the nearest saloon and made a hasty estimate of the disappearance of a keg of beer. Result—one hour and three quarters. The Professor, however, never drinks anything stronger than water. He even weakens that with whisky. An Ancient Document. The following are extracts from an old MSS. in the possession of Air. Z. Sanford, of Wesport, copied by a great uncle of his, They show the early laws of Connecticut, nud contrast strangely with the sentiments in the laws now enacted : “ From the Statute Law Book of Connecticut, as Revised in October, 1675, and Printed by Samuel Green, of Cambridge, in 17G5 —page 28. “ This court being sensible of the danger persons are in of being poison ed in their Judgments and Principles by Ilereticks whether Quakers, Rant ers, Adamites or sucli like, do see cause to order, that no person in this Colony shall give an unnecessary entertain ment into any Quakers, Ranters, Ad amites or other Ilereticks upon penalty of five pounds for every such persons entertained to be paid by him that so entertain them, and five pounds per Week shall be paid by each Town that shall suffer them entertainment as afore said. “It is also ordered by the authority of this court that it shall be in the power of the Governor, Deputy Gov ernor or Assistants to order that all such Ilereticks as aforesaid be commit ted to prison or sent out of the Colony, and no person shall unnecessarily fall into discourse with anj - such Ileretick upon the penalty of twenty shillings, and no person within this Colony shall keep any Quaker Books or Manuscripts containing their Errors (except the Governor, Magistrates and Elders) upon penalty of ten shillings per time. “It is also ordered that no master of any vessel shall land such Ilereticks in this Colony, if the}' do, they shall be compellable to transport them again out of the Colony by Assistant Com missioner at their first setting sail from the port where they landed them upon penalty of twenty Pounds, to be paid by the said Master as shall not trans port them as aforesaid.” The world has grown a little wiser since the above laws were enacted, but if some of the bigotted religious enthu siasts of the present day could have their way, they would hang all those who did not agree with them in their notions, and would usurp all office from bailiff to governor. A Georgia paper tells of a man who went all the way from Cassville to At lanta. On his return he looked solemn with the weight of garnered wisdom, and said : “If the world is as big the other way as it is that, it’s a whopper.” N. O. Picayune: The good man says “ All things are for the best,” and men tally adds, “ I am the best.” After a woman has passed ninety she is proud of her age, says the Detroit Free Press. HARTWELL. GA., WEDNESDAY. JULY 21, 1880. An Arkansas Examination. Little Botk Oatrtlf, “ Cap’n” said a colored man, enter ing the ofllcc of a school examiner whose skin was so black that to see him you would think he had spent his life in boiling crows for dissatisfied politicians, “ Cap’n,” repeated the visi tor, lightly tapping on the door facing. “Well, sah. what is hit P” “ I’so called rutin’ ter be 'zammoned. I’se a ’fessional school teacher.” “ Did you know dab hits a mighty hot cross-fire ter stan’ under de range ob de batteries of my knowledge ?” “Yes, Cap’n,” said the applicant, “ an’ bein’ proud of my ’complishments I hez sought you sted ob goin’ ter de onedycated white ’fessor.” “ Yer action is dat ob a wise man, an’ fur sich wisdom ’zibited in de very bud ob de edycation rose (Oh, l’se flow’ry) I’ll struct my secretary ter mark yer one on de sheepskin slifikit ov knowledge. Dis am figerativc. We is out ov sheepskins, an in der place hab substituted coon skins, tanned by a Arkinsas nigger an’ ketched by ajns tice ob de peace. Do hit strike yer In de stomach ob recognition ?” “Yes, Cap'n,” “ Wall, now, terde ’zamination. Sec retary, git down dat brass pen wid a dog wood holder an’ fetch it lieah, fur I, in de ’cordance wid ’stmetions, is gwine ter toat dis man through de new groun’ ob knowledge whar de briers am thick an’ whar dar’s many a toe nail lyin’ mung de grubs. Now fur de fust. Does yer understan’ gogaphy ?” “ Oh, yessah, dat’s my best holt.” “ What does yer know ob grammar ? Keep yer mouf open, fur I’se de eddy cational dentist ’zaminju’ de teeth ob yer lamin’.” “ I eats up grammar like a man han’- lin’ greens.” “ What about de sciences of phlebot omy ?” “ I walks all ober dat science on stilts.” “ What does yer know about meta physics ?” “ De quilt ob m3' bed am patched wid hit.” “Mr. Secretary,” said the examiner, turning to the functional, “ gin dis man a double stifikit. Recommend him ter der people ez de ablest man I hez ’zamined dis yeah. Dar’s yer pa pers, sail; an’ remember dat de cloud ob edycation ain a black one. A man dat show's sich a familiart)' wid science az you does, iz boun’ one da} T ter put hiz foot on a white man’s shoulder, reach up an’ take de gown ob superior ity from de peg in de wardrobe ob life’s great competition. Let’s see, five dol lars for de single ’dorsement, and five dollars and a half for de double ’dorse ment. Gimmy ten dollars.” The money was cheerfully paid and the man with his blotted coonskin went out into the world to engage in the tournament of letters. Hasty (finning. The Atlanta Constitution offers some good advice to farmers in regard to gin ning cotton. It says: “The highspeed that some gins are run by steam en gines in use is getting to be serious, not that the steam engine as a power makes the speed greater,” it is the fail ure of caclulation of the speed to which gins can be run, and yet not cut the fibre. As high speed as 430 revolu tions may be run without injury. Farm ers should insist that their cotton should not be handled faster. There is a vast difference in gins now in use. Some make smooth, clean sample, others twist and tough the fibre. Smooth, well-gin ned cotton is worth from a £ to 1 cent per pound more than that which is badly ginned, all being the same natu ral grade of cotton. Now, farmer, see that your cotton is properly handled. If you have to buy a gin, ask your fac tor or cotton buyer which is the best gin, and which will do its work best. Buy'ers are competent to advise you, as they aie the ones who ought’ to know when cotton samples well. Do not stand on a small difference in price be tween a good gin and an inferior one.” Boston Transcript: A Meridan man has a Bible 152 years old. Strange how long a Bible may be made to last by temperate usage. Devoted to Hart County. The Same Old Game. N Drtnnt Frit I'rru, The other afternoon the tools, imple ments, fixtures, appurtenances and whatever else belongs to the game of croquet, were put in position on a lawn up Wood ward Avenue, and as a young lady and young man who seemed to be her lover, took up the mallets to start the balls, a bony-looking old tramp halt ed and leaned on the fence and got his his mouth puckered up for something good. The young man took the first shot, and before the ball ceased rolling, the girl’s voice was heard calling: “You didn’t knock fair—you’ve got to try it over!” Before either of them got half way down she had occasion to remind him that he wasn’t playing with a blind per son, and that she could overlook none of his Cheating. As she went under the last arch lie felt compelled to re mark that her playing would rule her out of any club he ever heard of. Oil the way back she asked him why lie couldn't be an honest man as well as a jockey and a falsifier, and he enquired why she didn’t write a set of rules to tally with her style of playing. “ It’ 9 coming—tain’t five minutes off,” chuckled the tramp, as he took anew grip on the fence and shaded his eyes with his hat. “ Don't you knock that ball away!” shouted the girl a minato after. “ Yes, I will.” “ Don’t you dare to.” “I'm playing according to rules.” “ No, you aren’t! You’ve cheated all the way through!” “ I never cheated once.” “And now you are adding the crime of jfeijury ! Sir, I dare not trust my future happiness to such a man ! I could uever trust or believe in you.” “Nor I in you.” “Then let us part forever!” she said, as she hurled her mallet at a stone dog. “So we will!” he hissed as he flung his at her sleeping poodle. She bowed and started for the house to pack up his letters. He raised his hat and made for an approaching street car to get down town in time for the Toledo train. “That’s all I wanted to know,” sigh ed the tramp as he turned awaj T . “ I’ve been out in the woods for a few years past, and I didn’t know but there had been some changes made in croquets, but I see it’s the same old game clear through.” Nearly Three Million Soldiers. A statement has been issued by the War Department giving the number of men furnished the Union army by each State and Territory and the District of Columbia from April 15, 1861, to the close of the war of the rebellon. It shows that the total number of volun teers was 2,678,967, divided as follows : Maine, 72,114; New Hampshire, 36,- 620 ; Vermont, 35,262 ; Massachusetts, 152,048; Rhode Island, 23,699; Con necticut, 57,379 ; New York, 467,047 ; New Jersey, 81,010; Pennsylvania, 366,107 ; Delaware, 13,670 ; Maryland, 50,316; West Virginia, 32,068; Dis trict of Columbia, 16,872; Ohio, 319,- 659; Indiana, 197,147; Illirois, 259,- 147; Michigan, 89,372; Wisconsin, 96,424; Minnesota, 25,052; lowa, 76,- 309 ; Missouri, 109,111 ; Kentucky, 79,025; Kansas, 20,151; Tennessee, 31,092; Arkansas, 8,289; North Car olina, 3,156 ; California, 15,725 ; Neva da. 1,080; Oregon, 1,810; Washington Territory, 964 ; Nebraska Territory, 3,- 157; Colorado. Territory, 4,903; Da kota Territory, 206 ; New Mexico Ter ritory, 6,561 ; Alabama, 2,576 ; Flori da, 1,200; Louisiana, 8,224; Missis sippi, 545 ; Texas, 1,965, and the In dian Nation, 35,030. The troops furn ished by the Southern States were, with the exception of those of Louisiana, nearly all white. Florida furnished two regiments of cavalry', Alabama one white regiment, Mississippi one battal ion, and North Carolina two regiments of cavalry. Rochester Union : A gentleman and his wife, with two little girls, evidently twins and about three years of age, were seated at one of the tables in the dining room waiting for their breakfast to be brought to them. One of the little girls $1.50 Per Annum. who had been intently observing what was passing, suddenly turned to her sis ter and snid: “ Why don’t papa say draco?” The reply was: “ They ain’t dot any Dod in Rochester.” Etiquette In Letter Writing. As n rule, every letter, unless insult ing in its character, requires an answer. To neglect to answer a letter, when written to, is as uncivil as not to reply when spoken to. In the reply, acknowledge first the receipt of the letter, mentioning its date and afterwards consider all points re quiring attention. If the letter is to be brief, commence sufficiently far from the top of the page to give a nearly equal amount of blank paper at the bottom of the sheet when the letter is ended. Should the matter in the letter con tinue beyond the first page, it is well to commence a little above the middle of the sheet, extending as far as necessary on the other edges. It is thought impolite to use a half sheet of paper in formal letters. Asa matter of economy and convenience for business purposes, however, it is custom ary to have the card of the business man printed at the top of the sheet, and n leaf is used. In writing a letter, the answer (o which is more benefit to you than the person to whom you write, enclose a postage stamp for the reply- Letters should be as free from eras ures, interlineations, blots and post scripts as possible. It is decidedly bet ter to copy a letter than to have these appear. A Shrewd Parrot. A family living in Nashville has a par rot noted for its wonderful powers of im itating the human voice. The family also has a daughter whose especial du ty is the care of the parrot. The young lady has a youug man, a recent addi dion to Nashville society. The young man called at the house of his lady-love one evening and pulled the door-bell. The parrot, sitting in an up-stairs win dow, heard the jingle of the bell and called out, “Go to the window. ” The young man was startled, lie looked at all the windows below and found them closed. He pulled the bell-knob again. “ Next door !” shouted the parrot in a voice notunlike the young lady’s. The young man looked up and down the street in a puzzled sort of way as if it had suddenly dawned upon his mind that he had made mistake in the house. Concluding that he had not, he again rang the bell. “Go to the house!” cried Poll from his perch in the upper window. “ What house? ” exclaimed the young man, angrily. “The work house !” shrieked the parrot. The young man left in rapid-transit time. Boston Post: As the time for truly agricultural fairs draws near the com mittees are hunting around for lawyers and clergymen to address the farmers upon agricultural topics. We have heard of people going to a drug store after nails, but the latest oddity in the line is an old lady who went to a butcher shop and inquired if they had any liver pads for sale. When you see a baby, which you know to have suffered for a long time with Summer Complaint or Dysentery, suddenly improve and grow fat and healthy, you can rest assured that Dr. Bull’s Baby Syrup has been used. A citizen of Plymouth, Indiana, fired six shots at a supposed burglar, and then his wife called out, “ see here, Sam, if you don’t stop firing at me you’ll have the house full of neigh bors !” “ My dear,” said a fond father to a three-year-old, as he entered the nur sery, “ yon have a little sister baby.” “ Oh, let me run and tell raarnmn,” was the quick demand of the happy little brother. “ This is a nice time of night for you to be coming in,” said a mother to her daughter, who returned from a walk at 10 o’clock. “ When I was like j'ou,” continued she, “my mother Would not allow me out later than 7 o’clock.” “ Oh, you bad a nice sort of a mother,” murmured the girl. “ I had, you young | jade,” said the mother, “ a nicer mother I than ever you had.” WHOLE NO. 203.' POLITICS AND PIETY. TIIK WIIININU *.\D ini'tH KITIUL CANT or eoi.qi nTiNM. Tli Abu*.- of It.-llu lob for (•• Purp* of W.H'urliiff l-übllc Ofllr* Profon ln( ClirlNllnnlly to fovor up Inolllrlvnry nN* Hiiirm*Kiir<> In OAtro. The groat I>r. Johnson remarked that “ Patriotism is the lust refuge of a scoun drel.” In our day tho last plank of a sinking jsditiciau seems to be religion. This is forcibly illustrated in the tac tics of Governor Colquitt and his friends in the pieseut campaign. Uuahle to meet squarely tho serious charges of mal administration and inefficiency, they seek to weaken the force ofthe-e charges by tho cry of infidelity, and they de nounce tho thousands of honest voters who oppose the re-election of Colquitt ns seeking to overthrow him because he is a good man. If we speak of the Alston-Garlington foe; if we refer to tho Supreme Court decision, as to Colquitt's illegal pay ment of 815,(KW> to Alston ; if we speak of the strange circumstances connected with the signing of tho Northeastern Bonds; if we speak of bis neglect of tho ordinary duties ofhisoffice, whereby the frauds of Konfroe and Goldsmith became possible; if we speak of the bungling manner in which the railroad lease was attended to and tho after hu miliation ; the Chief Executive of the great Commonwealth leaving the chair of State and following up railroad spec ulators to haggle with them on Wall Street; when we speak of his upholding Ni'lms in his gross abuse of the powers of his office —in a word, when the plain charge of general incompetency is made on all sides and by many of the purest and most eminent men of the State, they have but one answer : ** Oh, you arc making war oo religion.” This is the burden of the argument in Colquitt’s favor, and this the text of the private letters written by him in his ef forts to secure adherents. It is true this device has its effect up on the well meaning but unthinking multitude. Pious old ladies, preachers led away by undue zeal, unsophisticated class-lenders, deacons and elders in the rurnl districts have the wool pulled com pletely over their eyes, and imagtnc wo are having anew edition of Runyan’s Holy War, and that Colquitt is almost synonymous with the Prince of Light. But will this transparent clap-trap de hule sensible men and gull the Demo cratic party? Will the sacrcligious mixture of religion with politics, receive a countenance from intelligent Christ ians? Will this profane endeavor to give to abuse of civil office the sanctity of religion save the inefficient officer from public condemnation ? We felt luk not. There is too much sense left in the State of Georgia. There are thousands of good Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians and members of other churches who believe that Gov. Colquitt ought to retire. They are as pious and devoted to the cause of Christianity as the Governor, but they do not allow this to blind them to the defects iu his ad ministration, and they are not so weak minded as to think piety the only qual ification for high office. This sheltering behind the cry of re ligious persecution is an old dodge. The student of history will recall many at tempts to bolster up by such means a corrupt government or tottering admin istration. Peel, the Troy Minister of England, tried it in 1838, and the outraged sense of decency of the people visited him with the most complete political ruin. Nothing can be more pernicious in its effect than this mode of political de fense. The dignity of religion is cover ed, and the banner of Christ is trailed in the dust of the hustings. Iu the name of the Democratic party —of so ciety—of all the churches and of every thing like decency and fairness iu politi cal discussion, we denounce it as fraud ulent, hypocritical and detrimental to the best interests of humanity. What ever temporary advantage may be gain ed by such methods there is always a reaction. In the warning words of the wiseMa cauley : “ The world is governed by as sociations. Dereliction in public office will be ever unpopular, and if Christi- anity is used as a defence to every grievance, it will come in turn to be considered itself a grievance, and grow to be as unpopular as the abuses it is used to protect.” We trust the people of the State will put their seal of con demnation once for all on anything like “ cant ” in Georgia politics. Hall. Gainesville, July 12, 1880.