Newspaper Page Text
THE SUN.
■ABTWIU, HART OMIWi UA,
AYEfiS & McQILL, Editors.
FOK PKE'.Ia>T,
- *’
GEN. W. S. HANCOCK,
OF PENNSYLVANIA.
FOR VICK .PRESIDENT,
HON. V. H. ENGLISH,
OF INDIANA.
I’KKNIDKNTIAI. KI.KCTIIRA.
FOR THE BTATK AT LARUE :
J. C. C. BLACK, R. E. KEN NON.
ALTERNATE:
XUTHER J. GLENN, A. P. ADAMS.
DISTRICT ELECTORS:
First District—Samuel I). Bradwell
of Liberty. Alternate—Josephus Camp
of Emanuel.
District— Wm. AT. Hammond,
®f Thoiuna. Alternate—Wm. Harrison,
of Quitman
Third District—Christopher C. Smith,
of Telfair. Alternate—James Bishop.
Jr., ef Dodge.
Fourth District—Lavender R. Ray,
of Coweta Alternate—Henry C. Came
ron, of Harris.
Fifth District—J no. X. Hall, of Spald
ing. Alternate—Daniel P. Hill of Ful
ton.
Sixth District—lleuoen B. Nisbet, of
Putnam. AUeynate—Fleming G. Du-
Bignon, of Byidwin.
Seventh District—Thos. W. Akin, if
Barton. Alternate—Peter W. Alexan
der, of Cobb.
Eighth District—Seaborne Reese, of
Hancock. Alternate—James K. Hines,
of Washington.
Ninth District—Wm. E. Simmons, of
Gwinnett, Alternate—Marion G. Bovd,
of White.
A Civilized Monkey.
The monkeys at tlio St. Louis Fair
Cirounds are rapidly becoming civlized.
They seem to understand that for certain
smart tricks they will be rewarded with
kuick-kuacks. One ■who was seen to slap
a whining baby recently was given a piece
of banana peel by a lady who witnessed
the castigation. The peeling was hand
ed through the bars on the end of a par
asol, and every body knows the cage is
too far from the railing to be reached
with the hand. The little man with the
tail watched the approach of the peeling
v;th sparkling eyes, but when he found
that it contained no fruit he threw it
away, climbed upon the bars and chatter
ed as if to beg for a piece of the banana
which he saw in the visitor’s hand. The
lady understood what he wanted and
held a piece of the fruit as far as her arm
would reach. The monkey held out his
own to meet it, but both were too short.
The lady tried to put the banana on the
end of her parasol, but it would not stick.
Then she turned to a companion and said
in a perplexed tone: “What shall I do?
The poor little fellow wants it so much,
and I can’t get it to him.” The monkey
became excited and chattered so vehe
mently that the lady was compelled to
notice him. As soon as lie caught her
eye, he got down on the floor and made
a motion which seemed to say, ‘ ‘ Throw
it” Then he reached through the bars
and put liis hand in through, as if to say
throw it here. These movements were
accompanied with an expression of the
face almost equal to language, and tlie
chattering was incessant. He was evi
dently trying to answer the question the
lady had asked. At least, so she thought,
and she understood what he meant. He
wanted her to throw the banana right
there into the trough, whence he could
get it. Several other monkeys were
watching, and the chances seemed to be
that one of them would get it. The lady
threw it to the place designated, and lie
snatched it tip. Several other monkeys
grabbed at it, but he was too quick for
them. Having obtained possession of
the coveted treasure, he retired to a con
venient perch on the tree, and, before
beginning to eat it, he bowed his head
and seemed to thank the lady very cor
dially,—St. Louis Paper.
Trapping Gophers.
The Santa Ana (Cal.) Times says
that the fanners of that valley are
catching the gophers in the following
manner: “A trench is dug about three
feet deep, by two feet wide, across the
entire premises, and barrels, boxes, or
cans are placed at convenient distances,
which are sunk deep enough so that
the mouth comes even with the bottom
of the trench. Now, in digging a trench
three feet deep, the subterranean pas
sages and general run of the gophers
are cut off and left open in the trench,
and, as the gopher does Most of his
work and traveling in the night, he nat
urally tumbles into the ditch. When
once there, his next move, naturally
enough, is to hunt for another passage
whereby he may continue his journey,
and the consequences are that he fol
lows the ditch until he comes to one of
the boxes, barrels, or cans, which he
tumbles into, when 10, and behold, ho
is caught in a manner from which there
is no escape. Very often the farmer
will make a haul of fifty or sixty of a
morning, and not a good day for
gophers either. ”
The lEartwell Sun.
By AYERS & McGILL.
VOL. V. NO. 8.
TO TUB ROT wrn* A tiiu
a I*o y with * toll like n *pe!
O, youth with it iiratiol rudder)
In thing, of it comical ahnpe
I’ve neor Men anything odder!
j, ,| IU (mhion—and yet It
Sl.ty preaenUy come to prevail:
Where under the sun did you get It—
O) boy with tlie tail f
Ad may It a* nat-rsl 1* ebuard,
t> dOiajt aientrnierklT leMhelicf
And doeait lilit tall of the pa-t,
Or is tilt aiipriilagi'
IsAliislnau 1 >evm\nutuoW|
Cut down front the primitive acalet
A nd are these the rarnishiug pages—
0, man with a tail ? <
Or are yon a herald—oh, say !
And is this peculiar possession,
' Instead ot a mark id doeay,
A sign/,Uhia's progreaalonf
Will eaudals hereafter adorn an
Thia human anatomy frail,
And subsequent babies lie born bo—
O, buy with a tail?
The wonder eli.ig win Its reward)
•Tie fuimy, unit. Jiafnnm will i-ourfydU;
And when you lean back on it hard,
They say you can make it sup|iort you.
Thus tin* helm of tho wild kangaroo
Which waves in tha,tropie*l vale
Appear on a eri'etiireTikoyoU—
O, boy With a tail l”
Was yours an arboreal sire,
Ami was he a native l>arwinian,
Who tfrew when he learned to tumir*,
Ami rose to a larger dominion f
And did he desire without ceasing
Toevolttto .mi <f tiicpaitl min"■■■■ ■■■'"
And are you the Link that was missing—
U, boy with a tailT
Come! Tell us the tale of the tail;
All natives must have a storv,
Aihl you can your readers regale
With ica*-*n* a pfistariuri, *
Bui when you are giving us glonms
Ot the past, the plain truth will avail—
For we notice you ruu to extremes,
O, boy with a tail!
AN EVEN BET.
BY A. 0. O.
61 umberwc*. is the slightly old-fash
ioned market-town of one of the west
ern shires of “ merrie England.”
It is a sleepy-looking place, except on
market days.
The “ Boar’s Head ” is the best—and
nearly only—commercial “house” in
Slumber well.
“Now, then, gentlemen, please!-
time’s up!” shouts the landlord, putting
his head into the billiard-room at the
closing-time one night.
“ Make, it an even bet, and I’ll take
you, Waggers!” exclaims Harry Doun
ton, a young man of forward and lady
killing appearance.
“Done! Put down your coin, Harry!
Ten pounds a side!”
And Mr. Waggers—another young
man, square built, shock-headed, small
eyed, and with a boisterous, frolicsome
way—drew’ out a handful of mixed gold
and silver coins, and counted out ten
sovereigns on to the green cloth.
“Go it, Waggers! Hullo, Daunton,
you’re in for it! Down with your ten
‘quid?’” cried the little crowd of men
looking on.
“ Time’s up, please gents!” this time
from Perks, the pot boy, who seemed to
make an instantaneous and magic appear
ance among the party.
It would have been a difficulty to
guess even at the age of Perks. Any
thing between ten and forty, liis voice
was shrill as a boy’s; his height just four
feet eleven; face weazened and hairless;
head about two sizes too large for his
small body, and close-cropped; bandy
legged and with long, muscular arms.
No one took the slightest notice of
Perks’s admonition.
“Hand the stakes to Wilkins; he’ll
hold them!” exclaimed several.
Harry Daunton produced a hank noto
from liis pocket-book, ad dropped it
among the gold.
“What’s it all about?” asked a tall
man, with the most “refereeish” look
of the. party, stepping forward, and
gathering up the money with a quite
used-to-it sort of way.
A chorus of explanations followed,
with which Perks’s shrill “Time’s up,
gents!” mingled to no purpose.
“One at a time!” exjxistulated Wil
kins, the tall man. “Now, then, Wag
gers 1”
“Well,” commenced that individual.
“ Harry Daunton has just bet me even
money—you hold the stakes —that to
morrow— not being market-day, and
weather permitting —he will set off from
the door below at midday, and proceed
ing on the left-hand side half a mile
down the street— that is to say, as far
down as Dowsell’s pump —kiss every
woman he meets on his own side! Eh,
Harry?”
“That’s it!” returned Mr. Daunton,
confidently. “ You’ll be there, Wilkins,
to see all’s square?"
Wilkins nodded, and made a note ia
the fly-leaf of his bettin" book.
“ Now, gets, time’s up!”
Simultaneously the lights went out,
and the party followed, scampering and
jostling.
* * * * * * *
Why did Mr. Waggers rise next morn
ing with - the worm that precedes the
early bird, and make such an untimely
visit to the “Institute for Aged and
Respectable Females,” that was situated
opposite Dowsell’spump?
“ Well, that’s a good ’un!” ejaculated
old Dame Scaremale, when lie had gone.
“ He says whocver’ll have a drop of gin
toddy this cold day, with a rusk to help
it down, let ’em come up to the ‘ Boar’s
Head ’ about twelve o’clock. He’s a
gentleman! I’m on!”
Dame Bcaremale was a raw, bony
wofnan, past the prime of life, but with
nails and muscles in good condition yet,
and a very virago for modesty. It is
true she had married a man; but the
report goes, he only survived it two
months.
*** . * *
Outside of the front entrance to the
“ Boar’s Head.”
“Now, then, Daunton; it’s twelve!”
•aid Wilkins, returning his watch to hit
HARTWELL, GA., OCTOHER 20. 1880.
picket. “ There are deuced few people
in sight!”
"All right*” Sail! Harry; “but you
Mlowa—only Waggers aud Wilkins to
accompany, mind!”
A murmur of assent came from the few
who had gathered round to see the start.
“ Where’s Perks?" shouted Waggers.
“ Get half a day’s leave sif,” Mid ths
landlord; tcinihg forward.
Waggers drew him. aside, aid some
whisporing-took place.
“ All right sir, nodded the landlord,
when they had finished. “ I’ll see they
has it as they comes in, sir, and put it
down to your account.”
OH' they start, the unahashejl Harry
leading on the left hand siacj Messrs.
M uggers and Wilkin, followed on the
other,
Harry was iji luck. Looking dowh tho
long street, there sparchlv Seeified a
dozen folks in sight liltogbtlibh
First ho iiiet a young shop girl, who
received his salute'wjth a blush and a
stafe; tlieh a fresWfdored farmer’s wife,
who declared “ the young man, must be
mad; but. there! nftbf all ;” then an
aged, stout gentleman with his charming
daughter, who shrank from him in vain,
while, her paternal relative could do
nothing but snort, and vociferate empty
tlirefits after the hence speeding rogue,
then ho surprised cook and housemaid
outside their frontdoor, whoonly laughed
and asked for another, which they didn’t
get; then it was a girl of about fourteen,
Wfiom he kissed to make sure, spilling
some of the milk she carried,
which he stayed to toss her a shilling
for; then a young man with his sleek
corpulent mamma, who considered her
self insulted, white her son pulled ex
citedly at a few straw hairs, (carefully
designated by their owner a moustache),
and fitted an eyeglass into his eye to see
who it was, turning afterwards to liisaf
fronted parent, and remarking, “ Vewy
stwange!”
Then lie chanced upon a sour, angu
lar-looking spinster, who had never been
kissed before in her life, and rather
liked it, but managed to get her open
hand sharply on liis ears nevertheless:
and then, heartily enjoying the fun, and
taking by surprise—or, giving rather—
what he wanted, without word or com
ment, he came upon a show that caused
him much consternation.
There, filing out of the “Institute,”
came in pairs, three, and little knots, the
good, frequently venerable, but always
ugly, widows and spinsters of Slupiber
weil. It was a terriblesight to him* and
he groaned: but looking over the way and
noting the infinite relish and mirth of
his two followers, he nerved himself and
sped forward.
“ After all,” he argued. “ they’re all
old, and can’t show fight or run. It only
wants cheek.”
A dozen hands were uplifted now,
each garnished with formidable-looking
nails, and he was getting liemned in.
He wasn’t beaten yet, with that laughter
ringing in his ears; hut plunged and
bounced, till suddenly a little old
woman, with a very largo head, in a
very large bonnet, sprang forward with
a shrill shriek, and locked a pair of long
lithe arms round his neck with the grip
of a Gorgon, if the ancient supimsition
was that their grips were throttling. It
was no use; down he wentl
*f geese; such a cackling, such a hissing,
iuc.ii a hubbub was never heard before.
He had only another twenty yards
further to go. Put they kept pressing
un in front of him. and closing all round
him; he was getting bewildered as to
which he had kissed. Things were be
coming serious! He could hear two fits
of sustained laughter, convulsing two
male somebodies over the road. He
wouldn’t give in! He made a dash at a
big, bony woman!
“ Scra-ash!” and there was a long,
smarting scratch down his face.
“Would ye, now?” inquired Dame
Scaremale, trying to repeat the applica
tion, as he backed away from her.
Down on the first batch. One after
the other he caught them dexterously by
the shoulders, and plumped them one—
anywhere! Still on he urged, not miso
ing any, first making a pounce against
the wall; then, with a bound, across the
path into the road, and on to one whose
old legs were warily trying to dodge him;
and now, two at a time, with an afm
round each neck. It was for all the
world like a big fox among a huge flock
Then rose the cry, “To the pump!
Put him under the pump!”
Half dragged, half carried, in the
midst of the petticoat mob; the little
old woman, looking like the antiquated
witch of fairy-lore, and Dame Scare
male, being the prime movers.
Appealing vainly for rescue and as
sistance, he was ignominiously placed
under the pump, and not till he was
drenched and half drowned did they all
scamper off, and leave him to his bitter
reflections, and two friends.
* * *
That evening there was a supper at
the “ Boar’s Head,” to which some dozen
nearly were seated. Waggers “stood”
it, having been declared the winner of
the bet.
Harry Daunton had been duly chaffed
and laughed at, and having somewhat
recovered his temper—though not his
whole skin— consented to act as “ vice,”
while Mr. Wilkins took the “upper
end.”
“ I say, Daunton,” exclaimed the
president, “wasn’t that big woman a
Tartar? Let’s drink to her!”
“ By Jove, Wilkins, it’s all very well
to laugh;i I wish you’d been there!”
“Bo I was; but could hardly see for
laughing.”
“That big woman,” put in Waggers,
“is Dame Scaremale, supposed to Lie the
Devoted to Hart County.
strongest woman Jri RlumberwelL
though she is turned sixty.
“Ivo she isn’t, then! I’d like to
know who that little old woman, with
the big head was? Gad! if ever l
meet Jier alone, not all the chivalry
In rngin human nature shall save her
hbriyatled did cafeassr
There was a giggle behind his chair.
He tt|rned, hut only saw Perks:
“ What are you making that noise
for?” he queried.
A roar went up arcund the table.
“Well, 1 don’t see what you’re all
laughing at," he said, returning to his
■upper.
1V Ssven Ribie* of the World.
Thtv.seveu Bibles of tho world are the
Koran of tho Mohammedans, the Eddua
of thq Scandinavians, tho Try I’itikes of
the Buddhists, tho Five Kings of tho Ohi
n*#P, U)e tlm>o Wedaa of the Hindoos,
flio iSendovesta, and the Scriptures of
tho Christians. The Koran is the most
recent of those sovou Bibles, and not
older than tho seventh century of our
era. It ia a compound of quotations
from the Old aud Now Tastamonts, tho
Talmud, and the Gospel of St. Barna
l >as. The Eddaa of the Scandinavians
were first published in tire fourteenth
century. The Pitikes of tho Buddhists
contain sublime morals aud pure aspira-
but their author lived and died iu
tlio sixth century Ixjforo Christ. There
is nothing of exoellonoe in those sacred
hooka not found in the Bible. Tho
sacred writings of the Chinese are called
tho Five Kings, “king” meaning web
of cloth or the warp that koeps tho
threads in thoir place. They oonfain tho
I tost sayings of tiio best sages on tho
ethic*-political duties of luo. These
sayings cannot bo traced to a period
"lighor than the eleventh century B. C.
The shroe Vedas are tho most ancient
liooks of the Hindoos, and it is tho
opinion of Max Mullor, Wilson, John
son and Whitney that they are not older
than eleven centuries B. 0. Tho Zont
davedla of tho Persians is tho grandos,
of all the sacred books next to our Bible*
Zoroaster, whoso sayings it contains
was born in tho twelfth century B. C.
Moses lived and wrote his Pentateuch
fifteen centuries B. 0., and, therefore,
has a clear margin of 300 years older
than the most ancient of the other sac
red writings.
A Sensible Trick-Dog.
[Detroit Free Treea.]
A hump-shouldered old man, followed
by a dog which seemed to have fasted for
a year past, entered a Woodward avenue
butcher-shop the other day, and the
man niade some inquiries riboutthi price
of smoked hams. The butcher saw the
dog, of course, and who ever saw a
butcher who didn t want to know all
about a dog?
“ Js that a good coon dog?” asked the
butcher as he patted the shy canine on
the head.
“Oh, no—he’s a trick dog,” answered
the owner.
“ Is, eh? What tricks can he do?”
“Oh, a dozen or two. He has one, very
peculiar trick, though. Would you like
to see him do it?”
“ I would that. What is it?”
The man directed the butcher to putn
pound of nice beefsteak on a sheet ol
dean brown paper and place the whole on
the doorstep. He then said to his dog
which had watched matters pretty
keenly:
“ Now, Cato, I am about to call upon
you to perform a trick. You have novel
gone back on me yet, and I have perfect
confidence in you know. Cato, do you
see that meat”
Cato saw it. He walked over to it,
seized it in liis mouth, and as he went up
the street it was hard to tell the do®
from dust.
“Hum! yes!” muttered the butcher;
“do you call that a trick?”
“ i do,” confidently replied the man.
“ Well, it’s a blasted mean one!”
“Just so —just so,” said the man.
“ You couldn’t expect such a looking
dog as that to be around playing tricks
on a guitar or a jewsharp, could you?
I’ll see you later about the hams.”
Tlie Modern Roddy Young Man.
(Boston Sunday Courltr.]
Scene: The billiard-room of a fash
ionable cluMiouse. At 9 o’clock enter
Augustus, who removes his surnmei
ulster and discloses a dress suit.
One of the Players.—Hullo! Gus is
rigged out under full sail and all the
candles lighted. What is it, old fellow ?
Augustus. - Oh, I have been to make
my party call on Miss Banker. She
wasn’t at home, so I left my pasteboard
and came around here.
Thirteen [young men drop their
cues, seize their hats, remark “ that’s the
racket for me,” and slid off to Beacon
street. At 11 o’clock Miss Banker gets
he,me, finds fourteen cards, and says:
“ How funny that all the boys should
have called this evening.” At the same
hour Augustus recives three “smiles”
and ten cigars, the grateful offerings of
thirteen young men who have made their
party call without the trouble of dress
ing or the expense of a hack.”
There are any number of people in
the world who foolishly affect to despise
a poetry. If the truth were known
these same parties would lie found to
have in the majority cases, only a small
love for the best prose writing. But
they have taken up the Idea that it is
smart, and that it stamps them as people
of wonderful common sense to slur poetry
and poets. — Modern Argo.
When wc see two lady acquaintance*
meet each other and then kiss, we won
der why it has never been fashionable
for gentlemen to follow the same ex
ample. To see two old cronies come up
to each other and remove a chew of
tobacco and then embrace, smacks a
little of unspeakable bliss.— Owego Time*.
$1.60 Per Annum
WHOLE NO. 21(1.
fiTAtITMNfI IHSCOYFRIES.
Mom ml 11i01i1... vr S'.l*lil<'4'Ulh Vfiiliiry
Inrtlmi. It..nil- of l>r. Sllimoii'a 111-
Mwrrlu.|lu llmkliiriilir I'minlL Kj.
[T>r. F. StintAn I* Rvanavillt loerneLl
Below I give the result of an archeo
logical search made during a two weeks’
rambling through the hills and valleys
of Perry county, lfld., and Breckinridge
county, Ky.
Fiftt; t found In tho bend of what is
called Polk’s Bottom nr Tobin’s Point,
fire pits, quite a number, at an average
depth of ten feet la-low the surface. In
these pits were ashes, fire coals, arrow
heads and stone-axes. In one Mr. To
bin found a tanner’s fleshing knife and
twrt pieces of l-’roneh silver coin, only
dating back a little over ft hundred
years, showing about aimt date these
fire-places were lust used, and that ten
feet of solid dirt bad formed on the top
of them in less than one hundred years.
On the surface, above the pits or fire
places, there were abundance of signs of
Camping grounds, covered over with
flints, mussie-shelUf etc. Great quanti
ties ot arrow-heads have been found on
the surface all oVor this bend. I next
went in compaty with .lames J. Wheeler
to what is known as Cedar IJdi Cave,
situated four miles north of Rome, Spen
cer county. Here wo found that the
aborigines bad occupied this cave or
reck-fiouse as a dwelling for perhaps cen
turies, for we found ashes and burnt
earth for some three feet deep, all over
the bottom of this cave, which was thirty
by forty feet. Buried in these ashes had
been found human skeletons, with ar
row-heads, axes and fragments of flint.
Home hundred and fifty yards from this
rock-house we found two holes drilled in
samlslono eight inches in diameter nt
the top, tapering to the bottom, twenty
two inches deep. These are called mor
tars, and by the bye, l learned of seme
seventy-five of these mortars in Breckin
ridge county, Kv., all aitout the same
pattern. In some ot these mortars were
found bowlders, but nowhere were pes
tles found that could have been used lor
pounding corn in those mortars, i next
visited a cave situated about two miles
north of liardeiisburg, Breckinridge
county, Ky., on Harders Creek. This
cave or rock-house was forty by twenty
feet in diameter.
These Foolisli Franks
l Italian LUer.]
Apronop of love I*B, a nad affair Imp
plnca near Florence a few days ago.
A young mati and girl were betrothed;
he was a workman on the railroad.
They were going to lie married, when he
was run over ntid killed by a rn iln ad
engine. "So sooner did the girl learn
this than she went and lay herself on
the rails, hoping thus to be killed in her
turn; hut she hud only an arm fractured.
The arm had to he amputated, and tho
doctors say tout no soldier ever bore un
amputation better. The girl never
winced once during the whole operation.
She was heard to sav: “1 shall do it
better next time.” They thought this
to he delirium. The greatest quiet was
recommended until the doctors returned;
the slightest movement would cause her
to bleed to death, they said. The girl
heard this, and acted accordingly. “ I
can not survive him, ’ she said. When
no one was watching her she had tho
courage to break the bandages, and, us
tlie doctors had'said would he the case,
she bled to death. A female Cato!
A Pretty Window Transparency.
To makeapretty window transparency,
one novel and inexpensive, follow loose
directions: Taken small, round, thin
wooden plate and scrape the center with
a penknife so that on holding it up to
the light, it seems almost transparent.
Then dash hall across the*inner part of
the plate a coating of blue paints and in
the center draw a ship with sails out
spread, which must he colored brown.
When held up to the light, it has the
appearance of a ship on the ocean - en
in the twlight, for the light shining
through the centre which has been
scraped, looks the glimmer in the sky
from a departed sun, and brings into
relief the vessel’s from. A hole is bored
on the edge above and blue ribbon
inserted, by which the plate may he sus
pended over a window, or elewhere, as
may seem convenient. Sometimes these
little plates are used as menu cards,
having the names of the guest* inscribed
on the upper portion. They are taken
away and suspended afterwards as
mementos of the occasion
Building Materials.
One thousand and fifty laths will cover
seventy yards of surface, and eleven
pounds of nails put them on.
Eight bushels of good lime, fifteen
bushels sand, and one bushel hair makes
enough good mortar to plaster one hun
dred square yards.
A cord of stone, three bushels lime,
and a cubic yard of sand will lay ono
hundred cubic feet of wall.
One thousand shingles lali four inches
to the weather will cover one hundred
square feet of surface, and five pounds
of nails will fasten them on.
One-fifth more flooring and siding is
needed than the number of square feet
of surface, because of the lap in the sid
ing and the matching of the floor.
(five courses of brick will lay one foot
in height on a chimney; six bricks in a
count! will make a flue four inches wide
and Twelve inches long; eight bricks in
a course make a flue eight inches wide
and sixteen inches long.
Now that women can plead in the
Ffruted States courts and vote on the
school committee, perhaps they may
gradually acquire the knowledge that a
woman has a ri /ht to but one seat in a
railway car.— Boston Commercial Bulle
tin.
PASSING SMILES.
Tun man who offers yon counterfeit
opj*ers shows bad cent*.
MuHirtAwn am kuown by the “accom
paniments they keep.”
Thr man that bequeaths property
must necessarily be a lund-donor.
A* exchange says: “To make a good
monkey wrench, iced him on green ap
ples. ”
Can anything go, and not go any
where? Where does a light go whoa it
goes out?
A woman’s heart, like the moon, ia
always changing, but there ia always a
man in it. London Punch.
In the dictionary of the futnre it w g
bo: “Fast, v. i. To abstain from food,
to go hungry, to rannerize. ”
DORA has completed a grand ease pio
turo called “Moses Before Pharaoh.’*
What Momvi pluyed before faro is not
shown.
Why should tlio spirit of mortal l>e
proud, whan a four dollar hotel clerk
can wear a bigger diamond than the mil
lionaire.
A rorjjo physician asked permission
of a lass to kiss her; she replied, “No,
sir; I never like a doctor’s bill stuck
into my face."
Thr Itau'kcye man says a high board
fence, a locust-tree and twenty-three
Wr-tablea make a grove anywhere with
in thirty miles of Now York.
Tit* Philadelphia I/edocr discusses
“The Health of Reservoirs.” This is
the first intimation we havo had that res
ervoirs did not enjoy good health.
A North Carolina woman stabbed
the man who attempted to hug her. This
proves that all women are not enthusi
astically m favor of a free press.
Thr time of the spicing and picking of
fruit has come, and the economical house
wife may be soon going through her hus
band’s vest-pocket for cloves.
They told grandfather Blimpkin that
old Mr. Jones was dead. “Ah, well,"
said he, resignedly, “I’ve noticed that
l>co|>le havo laxm dying ever sinoo I can
remember."
"In choosing a wife,” say* an exchange,
“he governed by her chin.” Tlie worst
of that is, after having chosen ft wife,
■one is apt to keep on being governed in
the same way.
An Irishman watching a game of base
ball, was sent to grass by a foul which
struck him under the fifth rib. “A
fowl, was ut? Hogorra, I thought it was
a mule.”
A insAi.KR in hosiery in Chicago marked
a pair of stockings: “Only #10,000," and
more than one hundred ladies stopped at
the window and cried out: “Dear mof
how cheap—l’ll ask my husband to buy
them.”
Wiihn, at a Chinese banquet, propriety
requires that the guests should get pleas
antly tipsy, they may, if they like, hire
substitutes Jo drink for them. No suoh
cheap Chinese lalmr will bo tolerated ui
tins free country.
Tun publisher of a humorous German
paper at Han Francisco committed sui
cide tho other day. The humorous
journalists of the English press do not
seem to have so dear an idea ul their
duties to tho public.
At a celebration bock in the country a
female orator and btgti: “This is
our one hundred and fourth anniversary."
A wicked young man away back in the
crowd yelled out: “Good Lord! you
don 1 look that old.”— Quincy Modern
Aryo.
Bkkr soils for twenty-liv* cents a glass
in Mexico. Oh, jovial Bacchus, just
think, what it must cost to elect a I’/esi
dent in that country! Now wo under
stand why they have so many revolutions
in Mexico. A war is cheaper than a le
gitimate campaign.
Hies.
Many mournful pieces havo been
written about “dead leaves,” “ dead
flowers,” and “years gone by ; ” but I
havo never yet read one word about de
parted flies. To bo sure, flies arc not an
honored raco ; indeed, they are quite tho
contrary, for they eomo in tho spring
time andnearJy torment the life out of
man and beast throughout the summer.
It is liko a tale of war this fighting
with flies ; we barricade our doors and
windows until tho house looks like a
fortress, and we prepare feasts of deadly
poison for the comiug enemy. They
come by hundreds ami thousands, with
troops of ugly drummers, called beetles,
and millions of accomplished swords
men, named mosquitoes. And thoßO
Lilliputian swordsmen are as cruel as
any Hessian soldier that ever fought in
the British army.
’They are not content with rioting by
sunlight; they must attack ns by night
also, and that is the worst of it; for
fresh reinforcements are ever ready at
night-fall to commence their attack. Then
stealthily moving with doleful song the
light-footed warriors creep tlirough tho
crevices of a building to WTeak their
vengeance on its inmates.
It is rather humbling tojthink that, af
ter all our efforts to overcome the enemy,
we should f>e tormented through all the
loveliest weather of tho season, and
when the cheerless days of winter come
again one breath of our fearless ally-
Jack Frost, should kill them all.— Ex,
chanyc.
A new trimming is seen on imported
dresses. This is an embroidery or braid
ing executed with shaded ribbons. These
are threaded into needles, like silk or
worsted, and have been made at Lyons
expressly for this new kind of work,
which ladies execute themselves. Bilk
satin and woolen materials may be em
broidered in this manner. Only one
color is used for each embroidery, but
thir is shaded, as is already stated.
A cuftious mode of trying the title to
laud is practiced in llinuostan. Two
lules are dug in the disputed spot in
each of which the plaintiff’s and de
fendant’( lawyer [ut one of their legs,
and remain there until one of them are
tired, in which case his client is de
feated. In this country it is the client,
and not the lawyer, who puts his foot in
it.
A MTTLE girl In one of our public
schools the other dav had occasion to
parse the word “angel.” Coming to
the gender she stopped dismayed, and
asked her teacher “ if there are any men
angels. ’