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WEST BOWERSVILLB, GA.
jHZkjjoi,
"CKITED wa mini, ssvidkd w* vau~”
a WEEKLY PAPER,
Derated to tbe Moral, Political, Educational
aad Domestic Advancement and Progress at
Our Country.
Issued every Saturday by Th* Union
Publishing Company.
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▼ -
The Governments of Europe are nogo
tinting with a view to common action
for the suppression of anarchism.
After a rapid decline in numbers th«
first half of this century, the Quakcn
are slightly increasing in Great Britain
and gaining quite fast in this country,
largely by accessions from other religious
bodies.
What constitutes a loss by fire? The
French courts have just decided a pecu¬
liar case. A Countess dropped a piece
of jewelry into an open grate fire that
melted the gold and destroyed tho gems.
The insurance company refused to pay
the loss, saying that they hod not insured
•gainst a grate fire. Suit was brought,
•nd the Court decided that^e insurance
covered aU kinds fire, and gave judg¬
ment for the plaintiff. A New York in¬
surance company recently paid for a now
spring bonnet that was burned by being
hung over a lighted gas jet. That seems
to accord with tho sense of tho French
decision.
Senator Stanford, of California, says a
San Francisco special, is threatened with
locomotor ataxis and is going abroad to
consult leading European specialists. The
special adds: “Any one who has seen
Stanford during the last two years must
have noticed the curious trembling of his
hands. He is a powerful man, standing
six feet and weighing nearly 300 pounds,
yet his large hands shake os though ho
had palsy, especially when he is excited
or tired. This is the only direct symp¬
tom that he shows of tho dreaded dis¬
ease, with which American medical ex¬
perts have warned him that he is threat¬
ened at any time. ”
Pathologists are unanimous in the opin¬
ion, asserts the Philadelphia Record , that
tuberculosis or consumption in cows may
be transmitted by meat or milk from the
diseased animal. Health officers in Mas
sachuaseta have made investigation!
which show that many dairy herds
throughout that State arc infected with
the disease, and that their milk is being
sent to Benton for sale. The proposition
to exterminate the disease and protect
consumers by giving the State Board of
Health increased power is in harmony
with the true intent of legislation, and
should lead other States to follow the
example._
There is a great diversity of opinion a;
to tho merits of carp as food, some pro¬
nouncing them unpalatable, while othen
like them well. Tbe bulletin of the
United States Fish Commission of 1888
contained 242 opinions respecting theii
edible qualities, which were obtained ’in
answer to a circular sent out to ascertain
definitely how carp were liked, The
following gives a summary of the repliet
received. Of these 242 reports, thirty
eight only contained the slighest reflec¬
tion upon carp. Many of these reflec¬
tions were decidedly slight. Being gross
feeders mid rapid growers, the flavor ot
carp may be affected by the water they
grow in-__
A movement is on foot at Middieabor
cugh, Ky., to erect a colossal monument
on Pinnacle Rock, on top of Cumberland
Gap Mountain,in memory of U. S. Grant
smd R. E. Lee. Pinnacle Rack is 3009
feet above tea and 2000 feet above the
surrounding country. To reach it one
must pass through the States of Ken¬
tucky, Virginia and Tennessee, as they
corner very near it. On this historic
spot, at historic old Cumberland Gap, it
v is proposed to build the monument. The
matter wa* started by ex-Confederate and
Grand Amy of the Republic soldiers at
Middlesborough, and at once they sub¬
scribed a sum reaching several thousand
dollars. The present plan is to call on
the soldiers all over the country to con¬
tribute.
A club in Guatemala e0Mt a premium
of $1000 for the beat hymn Tor the Cen¬
tral American nation.
A New York paper think* that th*
presence of icelicrgs so far Booth Indi¬
cates ‘ at the pole that
an open season
should stimulate polar exploration.
The Chicago Sun estimates that tho
shipments of lumber from Lakes Michi¬
gan and Superior this year will amount
to 200,000,000 feet to Eastern points,
an increase of forty per cent, over last
year.
Stanley has quite broken the record in
tbe matter of having things named after
him, states the Detroit Free Press. One
could dress himself from head to foot and
then furnish his house without buying an
article that is not christened for the ex¬
plorer.
__
A recently returned Mexican tourist
says that the average Mexican senorita is
ugly and that a beautiful woman la as
great a rarity there as a truth-telimg na¬
tive. Many of the women look pictur¬
esque in their mantills, but on close in¬
spection their beauty proves a delusion
and a snare.
Thirty-seven French soldiers, under
command of a Captain, a Lieutenant and
a sub-Lieutenant,are said to have marched
from their barracks at Vanncs to a rail¬
road station twelve miles distant in 1
hour and 50 minutes to salute a General
whose train was to stop at Hie station.
Not a man fell out on the march.
The New York World ascertained that
bread and milk is one of the most popu¬
lar dishes served for lunch at the Con¬
gressional restaurant in Washington.
Glasses of pure cream or of half cream
and half milk are greatly in demand
among the Congressmen who come from
cities, but they are avoided by the rural
members.
A man named Willis has taken up his
residence on tho const of Florida for tho
purpose of killing sharks, and he kills
them by exploding^ giant powder in the
water. In one months he has done for
over 100 of them, and ho says he shall
make the number 1000 before ho stops.
A shark bit his wife iu two, and this is
his revenge.
Emperor William, of Germany, has re¬
solved to cease giving jewels to those
whom he wishes to honor, and will here¬
after present to them cabinet photographs
of himself and the Empress. “The Em
porer has but recently embarked upon
the mortgage-loan business, and proba¬
bly finds it necessary to economize be¬
tween payments of interests,” is tho com¬
ment of the New York Times.
The New York Telegram has discov¬
ered that J. G. Fitch, Inspector of Train¬
ing Schools in England, who came to
America in 1888 to study tho public
school system, has made a report which
is not very complimentary to our schools.
He says they give no .better education
than is now afforded by tho elementary
schools of England, <he chief fault boing
that the minuteness of the rules laid down
for teachers and pupils “leaves little
room for the spontaneity of the former
or the individuality of the latter.”
Tho British Government got about
$500,000 out of the English estate of tho
late J. 8. Morgan, of the American firm
of bonkers, Drexel, Morgan & Co., which
amounted to $11,000,000. The first duty
was the probate stamp, which cost $350,
000. Another tax amounted to $40,
000, and as Morgan had left a year’s sal¬
ary to every person in his employment,
and there is a tax' of 10 per cent, on
each of these bequest* ns well as a tax of
1 per cent, on the bequests to his chil¬
dren, and 3 and 5 per cent, to other rela¬
tives, another $110,000 was almost made
up.
A good deal of indignation has been
excited in England over the discovery
that a number of soldiers who took part
in the famous charge of the Light Brigade
at Balaclava are now reduced to beggary
and almost to starvation. Of Die survi¬
vors of the “noble *ix hundred” it has
been found that while a few are in com¬
fortable circumstance*, there are nearly
two thousand in various almshouses, and
over five thousand dependent on private
charity. This, declares Munsey's Weekly,
is a sad commentary on England’s lack
of generosity and on the veterans’ lack of
veracity._
Alfred Carter, the Lancashire weaver
who aspired to the hand of Queen Vic¬
toria, has escaped the lunatic asylum,
announces the Chicago rimes. The
Judge before whom he was arrigned, rec¬
ognizing the venerable common-law dic¬
tum that “a cat may look at a King,” de¬
cided that a weaver may love a Queen
and not be out of his wits. It is grati¬
fying to know that in Europe, a* in
America, the lowcat-born citizen may as¬
pire to the highest office in the land.
Even in Russia one may aspire to the
throne, for the law there says: “Aspire,
if you want to, aad be hanged.”
LOVE AMONG THE CLOVER. i
/
Over and the purple clover. /
over
Under the greenwood tree,.
Sweet Bessie came straying, for wMi flowers
Maying,
And sang in her maiden gloet
“O hey, O ho!
There’s a laddy I know
Who joys my fees to see.
Fair blossoms, I pray, now what shall I say
When Robin comes wooing o’ me,
Dear heart
When Robin comes wooing o’ me?"
Over and under the boughs asunder,
Through the wood came Robin ere long;
In the olden fashion he enrolled his pas¬
sion,
And the hawthorn swayed to Ids E)8g2
“O hey, O bo!
The way I know
fiho dropped me this flower to tell;
But what she will say this blossomy day—
Would that I knew it as well.
Dear heart,
Would that I knew it as well."
Over and ova- the fragrant clover,,
The bees went humming till late,
And where is the laddie, and what luck had
he,
A-wooing bis blithesome mate? ■
O hey. Oho!
They walk full slow,
Brown Robin and blushing Bess;
But what did she say in the wood to-day?
I think I will leave you to guess.
Dear heart,
I think I will leave you to guess.
—Samuel M. Peek, in Courier-Journal.
A HAND IN THE DARK.
nr Mils. ETTA F. MAIITIX.
“Lucky fellow!”
The words involuntarily passed my lips
as I threw myself into the luxurious easy
chair drawn up temptingly before the
open grate. They applied equally to
Tom and myself. Tom was a lucky fel¬
low-, certainly—the master of the grange
and the husband of a charming woman
—and I counted myself almost equally
fortunate in my freedom from business
cares for three whole weeks, and
prospect of unlimited fishing and driving.
Couan Tom had recently inherited a
fortune; I w-as still plodding alone
London; but for three weeks of liberty I
determined to enjoy all the blessings the
gods had vouchsafed me, and to imagine
inygel T6Iu1mnf£]fr f, (or the j ionce, as rich and happy
as - '
-
Alt hough it was cftlly fall the nights
woFT a little keen, and Constance—
Turn' s w iiy-had ordered a fire in my
richly r'ooST, tne furnished cheerful apartment blaze giving delightful to the
a
touch of warmth and cozluess.
With such a fire and such a chair, and
with my favorite evening paper in my
pocket, retiring w-as not to be thought
of; so drawing to my chair a table on
which stood a shaded lamp I gave my¬
self up to the perusal of my journal.
Over the long parliamentary report I
must have gone to sleep, and w-hen I
awoke the lamp had burned itself out,
and but a few sparks remained of the
cheery fire. The room was not in total
darknoss, for there was a moon, hidden
by clouds, to be sure, but still throwing
enough light at the wide windows to
make things dimly visible.
On tho instant awakening I felt that
some one was near me, and, with that
startled feeling one has on awakening
suddenly from a sound sleep, I cried out:
“Who’s there?”
No answer came, and tho only sounds
were the tapping of a tree branch against
the window and the ticking of the clock
over the fireplace.
Still I was conscious that somebody—
something—was near me, and I held my
breath, straining my ears to catch
some sound that should reveal the in¬
truder, but only the tap of the tree branch
and the tick of the clock broke the si¬
lence.
I remembered that there were matches
on the table, and turned my chair to
search for them. An exclamation of as¬
tonishment rose to my lips as I did so,
for on the surface of the table was a
strange luminous spot—neither lamplight,
firelight nor moonlight.
Up to this time my feeling had been
one of annoyance rather than fear, but
there was something so indescribable, so
supernatural, about this light that a sud¬
den terror seized me, and I gazed as one
fascinated, unable to move.
A card and pencil I hod taken from
my pocket lay on the table, and over
this the light grew brighter, and in the
midst a hand appeared—a woman’s hand,
delicate and beautiful, but of deathly
whiteuess, and on the third finger gleamed
a ruby, tho stone held between two
golden serpents’ heads.
The fingers closed over the pencil, and
after making several irregular marks upon
the card, letters began to be formed, and
as I leaned forward with breathless in¬
terest, I saw the pallid hand write with
perfect distinctness:
“Search for the box in the old well.”
Then the strange light grew dim, the
hand gradually faded away, and the
moon, emerging from the clouds, threw
a shaft of light into the room.
Tho spell that had bound me was
broken, and in a moment I had found
match and taper, and light in hand, was
bending over the table.
Tbe card was blank—not a wird upon
it—and I asked myself if Iliad been
dreaming; but hard as I tried to convince
myself that such was the case I could
not; it had all been too real.
A strange experience it was surely,
but after pondering over it awhile I de
cided to dismiss it from my mind and to
retire.
In the morning the affair seemed more
inexplicable than ever, and I found my¬
self constantly thinking of the words I
had seen traced by the mysterious hand.
They were meaningless to me. “Search
for the box in the old well.” I knew of
no box that had been lost and certainly
I knew of no old well. The affair had a
flavor of “Lady Audley's Secret” about it,
and it was not hard to picture a grass
grown well concealing in it* depths some
ghastly secret.
If I could have laughed tbe matter off
M a dream 1 should have regaled Tom
and Constance with the story at break¬
fast, but I could not bring myself to
speak of it.
“By the way, Lester,” said Tom,
“we are expecting another guest to-day
—Miss Mabel Saunders. Charming girl,
too.”
‘•And the Grange’s rightful mistress,”
said Constance.
I looked up in surprise.
“1 thought you bought the place, Tom,
so who could be the rightful mistress but
Constance?”
“Only leased it, old fellow. The own¬
er, Lee Harcourt, would not sell, though
he is ashamed to show his face about
here. It is ray opinion he hopes to
come back and marry Mabel when the
feeling against him has died away.”
“Tell me the story, Tom,” I asked,
“for that there is a story is evident.”
“Easily told, Lester. Mabel Saunders
is the daughter of an old army comrade
of Colonel Denison, the late owner of the
Grange, and when her parents died, in
her infancy, Colonel Denison and his
wife took the child to their home. She
was not legally adopted, but as they had
no children of their own Mable was
looked upon as their heiress, and the
Colonel's attorney avers that he drew up
a will four years ago leaving the property
'to her. Two years ago Colonel Denison
*was brought home dead from the hunt¬
ing field, and his wife, who had been for
gwars an invalid, survived the shock less
amonth. When the Colonel’s papers
were examined no will was found, and
Lea Harcourt, the next of kin, came into
possession. Many of the Colonel’s friends
were not slow to express their belief that
Harcourt had destroyed the will, as he
had been visiting at the Grange at the
time of the Colonel’s death, but there
was no proof. He wanted to marry
Mabel, probably to end the gossip, but
she refused his hand, and for more than
a year now has been governesi for Mrs.
Stanton’s three unruly boys. Now,those
precocious youngsters are to have a vaca¬
tion, so Mabel comes to us. Indeed, she we
would gladly give her a home, but is
too proud to accept it. There’s the
story, and now for our drive. Here are
horses.”
A glorious gallop it was in the bracing
autumnal air, and a visit to the stables
followed, so that I did not see Constance
again till I came down to lunch. Meet¬
ing Tom in the hall, we entered the room
together, to find Constance awaiting us,
by her .side 9_.jgl_L.st raight gir l with
the sweetest fiice I had 6feF seeu. ‘ v -
Tom greeted her warmly, and then
Miss Saunders was introduced to me, ex¬
tending her hand with some pleasant re¬
mark.
What she said I do not know, for on
tho hand that was laid in mine glistened
a ruby—a ruby held between two golden
serpent’s heads.
I must have seemed strangely cgibar
rased for a moment. But I sftw Constance
look at me oddly, and with a determined
effort I put aside all speculations for the
time being.
That evening in the drawing-room, as
Saunders and I were looking over a
of engravings, I seized the oppor¬
tunity to comment upon tho ring, saying
I had never seen that design before.
The sweet face grew sad as she an¬
swered: “It was my mother’s ring. She
placed it on my finger the day she died.”
By her mother I understood of course
that she meant Mrs. Denison, the only
mother she had ever known, and I almost
seemed to hear the words: “Search for
the box in the old well.” Could there
be any connection between the mis¬
sing will and my strange vision?
The days went on, every hour bring¬
ing me nearer that unhappy day when I
must leave the Grange and Mabel and
return to my office drudgery. I had
often declaimed against sudden attach¬
ments, had often argued that love should
be a growth, and here were all my
theories completely shattered. At a
glauce from Mabel’s blue eyes a flame
had been kindled in my heart that grew
brighter and brighter as we walked or
drove together in the long, pleasant
days. Still, I did not mean to ask her
to be my wife, for what had I to offer?
Two or three rooms in a dingy London
house perhaps. But one evening in the
garden, as the moonlight fell upon her
upraised face, I lost my head completely
and avowed my love, to find it frankly
returned. And when I told Mabel how
little I had to lay at her feet, she drew
such a picture of a little home in London
that the two or three shabby rooms be¬
came the brightest spot on earth.
Tom and Constance were delighted,
and indeed I shrewdly suspect that the
whole affair was one of my cousin’s wife’s
match making schemes.
’ “Ah, Lester,” she said, “if that will
would only turn up you might have a
fdt-tune as well as a 1 bride. Oh, yes,” as
I protested that I wanted no fortune.
‘ J [ know you are disinterested, but you
would still love Mabel, would you not,if
she were rich?”
“By Jove,” said Tom, “it is a shame
about that will. Let's have another
search for the box.”
“The box! What box?”I cried, jump
ing to my feet in my excitement,
“Why, the tin box the will was in, to
gether with the papers. Didn’t I tell
you the whole lot were missiug?”
For a moment I lost sight of Tom and
Constance, and before me I saw a pallid
hand, with its gleaming ruby, and it
traced the words: “Search for the box
in the old well.”
I turned squarely upon Tom, who was
watching me somewhat curiously.
“Why don’t you search the old well?”
I asked abruptly.
“It was Tom's turn to jump to his
feet.
“The old well! What put that into
your head? But it shall be searched be¬
fore the sun goes down. And, by Jove,
Constance, don’t you remember when we
leased the Grange that Harcourt spoke
about tho old well as dangerous, and
suggested that we have it filled up?”
There was a well, then, and I wanted
to ask where; but Tom had taken it for
granted that I knew all about its exist¬
ence, and I did not want to tell them my
strange experience on my first night at
the Grange. The search might reveal
nothing.
Tom would not wait a moment, but
harrying off to the stable*, returned with
two or three of his men, and marshaled
the party to the old well, in a remote
corner of the grounds.
The promise of a sovereign to the man
who would make the search quickly se¬
cured a volunteer, and as he descended,
the stones on the sides giving him afoot
hold, Tom lit a lantern to be lowered to
him. The well was quite dry, and if the
box was there at all a brief search would
discover it.
And we had not long to wait. Soon
we heard the man clambering up the
well side, and when his head rose above
the curb Tom seized him and fairly lifted
him ont. And there was the tin box
protruding from his pocket.
There is little more to tell. The will
was found to be uninjured. Lee Har¬
court never returned to England,thereby
confessing virtually that he had stolen
the will, and Mabel in due time was in¬
stalled as mistress of the Grange.
And I—well, I tried to be magnani¬
mous, and told Mabel I was no match for
her and that she was at liberty to break
the engagement, whereupon she declared
that she would give the property to an
orphan asylum and be once more the
dowerless girl I had loved and won.
So I became master of the Grange,and
among our most frequent visitors are
Tom and Constance.
Only the other day Tom said, as we
were enjoying our after dinner smoke,
“That was a bright thought of yours,old
fellow, about the well. I am sure no
one else would ever have hit upon it.”
I thought of the hand in the dark,but
I said nothing. After our marriage I
told Mabel the story, and we had agreed
that it should rest a secret with us.
Rob McGee’s Scalp.
Robert McGee, of Easton. Kan., is
but thirty-nine years old, yet he has
gone twenty-six years without a scalp,
with a bullet iu his ribs and the scars of
several awful wounds by Indian arrows.
It adds not a little to the interest of his
case to learn that he was shot and scalped
by the once-noted Little Turtle, asd the
ball now lodged between two of his ribs
was put there by Little Turtle, with the
identical pistol which President Lincoln
had not long before presented to the
“noble red man.”
Senator Plumb, of Kansas, has intro¬
duced a bill in Congress to pay McGee
fSQOO andpfcse’nts out of th in e Support general of or Indian it abundant fund,
evidence to prove the following facts: In
1864 Robert McGee, thirteen years old,
was left an orphan and without means,
but being quite tall for his age he tried
to enlist at Fort Leavenworth. He was
rejected but employed as a teamster,
and started with a small train to Fort
Union, N. M. On the 11th of July, neai
where the city of Great Bend now stands,
Little Turtle’s band of Sioux warriors at¬
tacked the train. The whites fought
long and well, but were overpowered,
and every one killed except young
McGee.
It seems that the Indians at first in¬
tended to spare him for some reason, but
after compelling him to witness the tor¬
ture of others not quite dead they de¬
cided to kill him also. The chief shot
him with the elegant pistol he carried
as a souvenir, and three spears were run
into his back as he lay upon the ground.
Little Turtle then tore off hjs scalp and
struck him twice with a tomahawk,
fracturing the skull at each blow. The
savage departed, and in a few hours a
party of soldiers arrived on their way to
Fort Lamed. Sorrowfully they gathered
the corpses for burial, but perceiving
signs of life in McGee_they bojqd up his
wonnds and took him to~the fort.
The surgeons exhausted their skill upon
him; the struggle was long and terrible,
but he lived—as remarkable a recovery
as any related in history. The details
were laid before President Lincoln, who
sent for the boy, and was deeply affected
by his account. The Western generals
were directed to favor him in employ¬
ment. Many years after McGee's uncle
acquired wealth in the West and tried
to recover the scalp from Little Turtle,
but unsuccessfully. McGee is now ap¬
parently in robust health, but of course
terribly disfigured .—Chicago Times.
The Beach of Death.
It lies between the landing place at
Quarantine and Fort Wadsworth, on
Staten Island.
It is a pretty, pebbly beach, slightly
curving into a bay. It is a place where
children like to play, gathering pebbles
or dabbling in the limpid water that
beats upon it. A more peaceful looking
little stretch of shore you never looked
upon.
Every now and then the waters of the
Narrows bear to and deposit on it the
swollen, bloated body of a drowned man
or woman, or mayhap a child. They all
come ashore here, all that come ashore at
all on the northern part of Staten Island.
Nobody can tell the reason why. There
is no peculiarity of tide or current that
affects boats in this manner. There must
be some peculiarity, yet it is not enough
to send boats or floating debris ashore
here any more than at other points. Yet
for the bodies of the human dead this
little arch of land has some mysterious
attraction that I for one" cannot explain.
—New York Herald.
Baldness Due to Indigestion.
Of all the causes of premature bald¬
ness, none is so common as indigestion.
Dyspepsia and weak and falling hair go
haud in hand. As the one affection has
increased so has the other, and not all
the oil of Macassar, the bear’s grease of
Siberia, nor the cantharides of Spain will
prevent a man’s hair from shortening and
thinning whose stomach is badly out of
order. Indeed, anything which debili¬
tates the nervous system has a weakening
effect on the scalp tissue*, which shows
that loss of hair may proceed from gen
oral as well as local causes.—A mo York
Telegram.
An $$, 000,000 ship canal is to be
built by a French company connecting
Delaware and Chesapeake Bays. It will
be a valuable short-cut.
DANDELIONS.
Bee the flower fairies flying.
When the dandelion* are dying,
With their enowy skirts extended
And their downy wings outspread.
Bee them on the breezes riding—
On the sunbeams dancing, gliding—
Up and upward ever rising
To the meadows overhead.
In those meadows grouped together.
Far above the wind and weather—
Where the heavenly dews and sunshine
Coax the blossoms to unfold.
.
See the dandelions growing— •„ i
In each heart a jewel glowing,—
All the blue ablaze with splendor—
Flower fairies changed to gold.
—Mrs. H. T. Hollands, in Detroit Free Press.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
“In the swim”—Codfish aristocracy.
Scotch soldiers bear arms, and legs,
too.
“After you, sir,” as the sheriff said to
the defaulter.”— Puck.
“Well, you have nerve!” as the man
said to his aching tooth.— Backet.
The bright side of the convict question
—The “outside.” —Prison Mirror.
Goes without saying—The young man
too bashful to pop the question.— Texas
Siftings.
Briggs—“Say, old man, what are you
doing for that cold?” Griggs—“Cough¬
ing. "—Life.
When a man goes to live in the top of
a six-story flat it is all up with him.—
Binghamton Republican.
Giles—“What did Terwilliger say
about the twins?” Merritt—“Said it
was one too many for him.”— Life.
“Why does she sing with her mouth
closed?” “She has a falsetto voice, and
is afraid it will drop out.”— Chatter.
“Who would not be a boy?” demands
the poet. Well, the girl with a new en¬
gagement ring wouldn’t, for one.— Life.
Edith—“It’s the little things that tell
in this life.” Alice—“Well, you’d think
so, if you had two small brothers, as I
have.”
He—“This horse puts me in mind of
Lord Nelson.” She—“Why?” “He—
“Because he would rather die than run.”
— Tale Record.
“Speech was given man to conceal his
thoughts.” What he needs most, how¬
ever, is some expedient for concealing
lack of thoughts.— Munsey's.
Mother—“Now, Johnnie, you must
cut the apple in halves, and give the
larger half to your little sister. ” John¬
nie—“Let her tut it.”— Chatter.
“We’ll soon take the starch out of
you,” said the warden to the refractory
prisoner.” “You will,will you?” “Yes;
we’ll iron you.” —Boston Courier.
“Oh, dear!” cried MissPassee. “Here
they’ve gone and cut the day down to
eight hours. Why, I’ll be a hundred be¬
fore I’m forty.”— Times-Democrat.
Miss Beacon—“This waltz is divine I
Do you ever dance the lanciers, doctor?”
Dr. Boylston—“No, but I sometimes
lance the dancers.”— Boston Budget.
There is really no tangible objection
to violently plaid trousers except that
they keep one constantly wondering
whose move it is.— Washington Post.
Man wants but little here below,
For years we’ve heard the poets sing;
But from plain prose of life 'El know
He wants a little of everything'"* ■ • ■
-Puck. '>
“I've changed my mind since I saw
you last,” said Cadley. “I hope the
new one is better than the larf,” put in
Cvnicus, aqd Cadley got mad.— New
York Herald.
Mr. McAllister—“Would you believe
it? I have had that idea in my head for
six months.” Mrs. Berry—“What a dull
time it must have had there all by it¬
self.”— Chatter. ;
A popular clergyman in Philadel¬
phia delivered a lecture on “Fools.” The
ticket to it read; “Lecture on Fools—ad¬
mit one.” There was a very large at¬
tendance. —New York Herald.
Drug Clerk—“This hair dressing is
made of pure bear grease.” Brown—
“How can it be pure when it’s scented?”
Drug Clerk—“It is—er—made from the
cinnamon bear.” —New York Sun.
“Ice is too expensive, Mary. You
must get along without it.” “But how
am I to keep the beef fresh and tho
butter and milk cool?” “You have a
fan, haven’t you ?”—New York Sun.
“Let me never hear of your disobeying
me again,” said his father as he laid tho
hair-brush aside. “I w-won’t,” sobbed
Tommy, “if I can help it. I-I-didn’t
t-tell you t-this time. ”— Harper's Bazar.
One of the funniest things about
children is the way when they have hurt
themselves, they start and run all over
the house until they find somebody to
hear them cry .—Burlington Free Press.
“My true his”— love hath my heart and I have
So sang Sir Philip in the old time verse;
cut m these days the pleasant version is:
“My her true love hath my heart: I have
purse.”
— Munscys.
“Let me see! Was it not Emerson who
said, ‘Hitch your wagon to a star?’ ”
“Yes, I believe so.” “What a beautiful
thought!” “Yes, and how much cheaper
it would be than keeping a horse.”_
Lowell Citizen.
Professor—“Mr. Chumpy, I am
anxious for your father’s sake to break
the long list of demerit marks you have
won here. Do you think you will ever
learn anything?” “No sir.” “Mark
Mr. Chumpy as having correctly answered
allthe questions put to him this lesson.”
—Philadelphia Times.
“I will be a sister to you.” she said.
“No,” he replied sadly; “I’ve got one
sister who wears my neckties, borrows
car-fare, loses my hair brush, puts tidies
all over the furniture in my room, and
expects me to take her to the theatre
twice a week. I think I'll go out into
the world and forget you.”— Washington
Post.
During the next September an exposi¬
tion of milting machinery will take place
in Santiago, Chili.