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VOL. T.
Whnt Is n Gentleman.
!^hat is a gentleman? tt is not one
Xnowinginstinetively 'vhat heshould shnn,
Speaking no word tliat could injure < >r pain,
Spreading no scandal, and deep’n in# no
stain?
One who knows how to put each at his ease,
Striving, successfully always to plea e—
One who can tell by a glance at yot> cheek
When to be silent and when he should speak?
What is a gentleman? Is it not one
Honestly eating (he bread be has won,
Walking in uprightness, fearing the Clod,
leaving no stain on the path he has trod
Caring not. whether his coat may be old,
Prizing sincerity far above gold,
Kecking not whether his hand may be
hard-
Stretching it boldly to grasp its reward?
What is a gentleman? Say, is it birth
“Makes a man noble or adds to his wortl
Is there a family tree to be bad
Shady enough to conceal what is bad?
Seek out the man who has God for his
guide,
Nothing to tremble at, nothing to hide,
Be he a noble, or be he in trade,
He is the gentleman Nature has made.
—Thc Pilot.
APPLE &ATHERINO.
■BY SHIRLEY BROWNE.
"Why, Cassy, what have you done to
yoursel! ?’
Miss Marietta Carstairs might well
start as she sat in her cushioned chair b/
he fire-light, drinking a cup of tea out
of the delicate old china which had be-
onged to Grandmother Carstairs, at
tho apparition of a tail, slight figure
with a mail’s overcoat bu toned in loose
folds around it, so that .(be skirts nearly
ouched the floor, n man’s boots pulled
Up over the pretty feet, and a felt hat
slapped, in cavalier fashion, on the
back of the head,
Cassandra Carstairs hurst out laugh-
mg.
"Making a man of myself,” said she.
"Pretty wet! done, isn’t it?”
Mss Marietta stared harder than
ever.
"Is—it a masquerade?" she asked,
doubtfully.
"Docs it look like it? No,” Cis-
sandra answered, with spirit. ‘No;
I’m simply going to gather my apples.”
"Wiioje is Ben?”
"Fiatron his back w ith rheumatism.
And those apples must be marketed at
once, or they’ll spoil."
"But, Cassy—
"Oh! 1 know beforehand all you’re
going to say,” declared Cissandra.
leaning, in a mannish fashion, with
her hands deep in Her pocket-, against
the edge of the wooden mantel, "It
dsn’t a woman’s work. Well, l mean
to make it a woman’s work. After ail,
■hoxv does it differ from nutting or
mislctoe hunting, both of which aro
supposed to be eminently feminine
accomplishments? Old Jones is coming
here to-morrow morning at five o’clock
to take them to Weld town. If they’re
not gathered, of course they won’ t. be
marketed; and those red-heart apples
mean not less than twenty-five dollars
to us, Polly.”
Miss Marietta sighed, "I wish I
ccuid help you, Cassy,” murmured she.
"But I am sure Doctor Harford’s hired
fflian would assist you if—”
Cassandra started away from the man¬
tel as if she had been stung by a wasp.
"If,” she repeated, biusquely. "But
what a comprehensive if, Polly! I’d
cut off my right hand,” she added,
‘‘sooner than to ask that man to help
us. That haughty, composed pink of
perfection—that high-bred aristocrat
that despises a ! women who—work!”
"Is that the reason, Cassy, that you
gather your apples after dark? That he
shall not see you?”
"No,” sharply answered Cassy. But
Miss Marietta could see, in spite of the
dusk, the quick scarlet mount to her
sister s forehead. "I gather them after
dark simply because I dou’t want all
the village tongues gossiping about me.
It’s my business, and no one clso’s, un¬
less you, dear Polly”—kneeling a min¬
ute at her sister’s side—"it’s yours.
Just as I’m your business—and a bad
business you frnd mo, I’m afraid!”
"But how do you know that Doctor
Harford entertains these very hostile
sentiments toward u?”
"I know a good many things, Polly,
that I can’t give rhyme or reason for,”
Cassy answered, positively. "Haven’t
I seen him look at me when I was weed¬
ing the onions and husking the pease?”
"A cat may look at a king, Cass!”
said Miss Marietta, laughing in spite of
herself. "Mayn’t Doctor Harford look
at Miss Carstairs?”
"No,” said Cassandra, with a stamp
of the small, cow-hide'd foot—for she
had borrowed old Ben’s farming outfit
for this occasion. "He may not!”
And then she took up a lantern and
» box of matches, and went her way,
flinging back a kiss to the invalid sister
as she did so. .
It was nearly midnight when she re-
turned, flushed and radiant, her hazel
eyes shining, her breath coming quick
and fast. Miss Marietta, who had
fallen into a lady-like doze in front of
tiie smoldering logs, started from her
the>;m.
THE ENTERPRISE.
"Goodness me, C.my! is that you?' 1
said she.
‘ Ves.'’ t’assy was unbuttoning the
old coat and shaking her feet out of the
cow-hide envelopes now stained with
tho tuud of the swampy orchard laud.
"Have you gathered the apples?"
"Yes. They’re all in barrels, close
to the bars, ready for Israel Jono; when
he comes along, to-morrow morning.
Old Ben's nephew, a slout sailor lad
just Irom sea, helped me got them in.
We broke tho lantern, but that didn’t
signify—there wa3 a moon when the
clouds parted enough for us to get a
glimpse of it. The tipples ought to
bring a fair price; they’re in beautiful
condition. And, what do you think,
Marietta? Jack and I captured an
apple-thief—two of’em—coolly picking
our fruit into baskets, and they’re
safely padlocked into the old ice-house
now.’’
ihey?' "Oh, Cassyi thieves! Who are
’
"Well, naturally, they didn't < ll u to
give us their card-*; and Jack Tar and
I walked them directly oil into the ice¬
house. I led the biggest one by his
coat-coliar, and my sailor boy hustled
the little one along. I think the iittlo
chap would have show i fight, but the
big one shut him up ”
"Gassy, y.u did that?”
"land Jack Tar, whose real name, I
believe, is Bartholomew Clark. Yes;
wc made the capture, unassisted and
alone, and Bartholomew is going to
Squire Patton’s to-morrow to have the
scamps regularly committed. Now,
aren’t you glad I went out myself to
gather the np pies?''
1 Oh, Cassy, suppose they had had
fire-arms concealed abiut them? Sup
pose you had been hurt?'’
"Ob, suppose, suppose!’ gayly mim¬
icked Cassandra. "But I wasn’t hurt,
as it happened; and now let us go to
bed, Polly, for it’s past twelve, ami
I’m tired to death”
Weary though she was, however,
Cassandra was up bright anil ear.y the
next moruiug to feed her spring chic
eusand prepare her sister’s breakfast, for
the Carstairs girls kept no servants, aud
(lure was plenty to do. Early though
it was, however, a sturdy young man
with a sunburned face stood at tbc
gat e.
"What do you want, Birtholounwi’
said Cassy, taking in the milk-pail
from its hook on the left-hand of the
door.
“Toe constable's here, miss. He
won’t take no orders, except from
you.”
"Whett is he?’’
"A-waitin’, miss, out by the ice¬
house door.”
C rs-andra caught her hat from its
peg under the kitchen clock-shelf, and
walked in her quick, elastic way by
“Jack Tar’s” side to the ancient fast¬
ness built into the side hill, once used
for tho reception of ice.
“I think, miss,” said the thickset,
grizz'o-bearded old village constable,
"there’s some mistake.”
"Mistakel” echoed CassanJra, in her
clear, loud voic;, "but there can’t bo
any mistake. I saw them myself, steal¬
ing my apples. Here’s the key of the
ice-house. I’m ready to lodge a com¬
plaint agaiu3t them. Why—Doctor
Harford—’’
For, as the constable opened the
creaking old door, out walked her ele -
gaut next door neighbor with a most
inscrutable expression of countenance.
1 1 plead guilty, Miss Carstairs,” said
the doctor, brushing the blu; mold off
his fashionably cut garments, "and I
recommend myself—and Tommy, my
office-boy here—to tho mercy of the
court. Yes; it’s all quite true, We
were picking your apples; but it wasn't
for our own benefit. I heard that your
factotum was sick, and I knew that you
wished to send your apples down by
old Israel Jones early this morning.
We wanted to do a neighborly act, but
we didn’t expect to be caught in fla¬
grante delicto by you.”
"Oh, Doctor Harford 1 but why
didn’t you toll mo who you were?”
"If you will kindly remember, you
did not give me any opportunity to ex¬
plain myself.”
i*X—called you names!” gasped
Cassy.
"Yes, I believe you did,” said Dr.
Harford, smiling; and now that Cas¬
sandra looked him directly in the face i
he had certainly a very sweet smile.
"And,” added Cassandra, feeling
j herself grow cold and hot by turns, "I
—hit you with the lantern when you
were climbing down.”
“And broke it—yes.”
"And all tho time you were trying
to do me a favor.”
"In a mistaken way, a3 I now think
I-y* I Sllid thc <Joctor ; "I
j shot,Id have asked your perm.ssion to
make myself of use.
“And uow,” cried out Cassy, clasp-
iug her hands, "I’ve shut you np all
night in a moldy ice-house—and I’ve
sent for the constable—and I’ve be-
iiaved worse than any gypsy girl could
CARNESV1.LLE, GA., MONDAY, FEBRUARY 1U890.
possibly do, even down to using op-
probiicus lauguago and comm.'ttirg
assault and battery. Oh, Doctor Har¬
ford ! I never shall dare to look yo i in
tho face again."
Anti she fled up to the home, burst¬
ing into a Hood of passionate tears, as
she went, and ran straight down collar
to hide herself.
"I’ll go as a female missionary to
Japan,” sobbed Cassaudra. "I’ll outer
a sisterhood; T11 never show my fuco
again to any living soul!”
But she did. She neither set sail for
Yokohama nor onterod a cloister; and
the very next day she went out driving
with Dr. Harford,
1 ’But why have you always disliked
me so? Why have you refused to be
introduced to me? Why have you in¬
variably looked tho other way whin
you saw me coming, and run into thr
house when I came near the gardot
fence!’ asked ho.
"Idon’t know,’’ said Cassandra, in a
low voice.
"Is there anything so disagrccablo
about me?’’
"No, no,” admitted Cassy. "But 1
thought you looked haughty and super-
ciiioui.”
"Come,” said the doctor, laughing,
■•'that’s funny ! I thought it was me
that you despised! Was it bccauso 1
was a doctor? ’
"Oh, no’.’’
"II vo you anything against doctors,
aa a rule?”
"No.”
"Have you anything against me?” ho
persisted.
* Not in tho least.”
"Then, shall we 1)3 fricads?” in
coaxing voice.
Arid Cassy ygrood cordially.
How slight is tiie diviiiag lino be¬
tween friendship and love, Mi3s Mari¬
etta Carstairs alone can ted, for she
alone was the confi iaate of both theS3
deadly enemies turned into excellent
friends.
Suffice it to sar, that when next
year’s apple gathering caul; around,
Dr. and Mrs. Harford both went out to
superintend the operation.— Fash'on
Basar.
A West African Town.
Like ancient Thebes, St. Paul ..
Loando was once perhaps a lovely spot,
but human nature treated Mother Nn-
uro so shamefully that tho old dame
removed to more c mgcuial quarters.
When General Correia, the Portuguese
soldier, drove out the black hordes and
re-established the supremacy of the
Lurius in Angola there was a magnifi¬
cent harbor lie e, says a New York
Herald correspondent. Now the sand
of the ocean, hurled in by the waves,
and the sand of the red dunes washed
down for two centuries, are gradually
meeting, aud in a short time the noble
anchorage will be a thing of the past.
The apathy which has permitto i the
streets of -the city to become sandy
wastes, so that you have to excavate to
find tho beautiful pavements put down
by the military pioneers, has also left
tho harbor channel to fill up aud may
ultimately lose Loando her position as
a seaport. Every year, too, the bar be¬
comes narrower, engineering skill offer¬
ing neither stone nor spile to resist the
effects of the heavy sea swells, or Ka¬
hunas, which sweep the Atlantic coast
line at intervals from Gibraltar to tho
Cape. Even Loando Island, which is a
sort of Coney Island on a small scale—
the only breathing place for pleasure
parties, in fact—is succumbing to the
action of the sea, which often flows
over portions of it and precipitates
thousands of tons of filling matter into
the harbor. A few years ago all tho
native fisheunen had their little huts on
this sandbar (a few are there now), butt
they are gradually being driven off, and
the villas of the merchants and palm
groves are threatened with destruction.
Swallows Are Great Pathfinders.
As swallows often fly through long
distances at a very groat height, it fol¬
lows that they are excellent pathfinders.
It remains yet to be found out how
they set out for their autumnal journey
to the South, as they start at night, but
it is supposed that the young birds are
taught by the parents the direction in
which to fly. It has, however, been
quite receutly ascertained that a single
b rd is able to find it3 way back from a
very long distance. In the dancing-
room of a restnu ateur, in a village not
far from Dusseldorf, Germany, a num¬
ber of swallows have their nests on a
rafter which runs across the room, under
the ceiling. In September last three of
the parent birds were taken from the
nests, and a geiitluinan traveling to Ber-
hn took them by train au l gave them
,p c j r liberty at different stations. Each
^ird had a narrow red ribbon lied
round one leg, but all three had by
some means torn this off, and were eon-
sequent \y not recognized immediately
a ft er their return After two days,
however, all the nests were examined,
an-i it was found that the wanderers
bad returned to them.
O AP RESTAURANTS
A French Eating House Where
p Meal Costs a Cent
How a Discontented Customer
Was Surprised.
"Talk about ohcaj*rfest iurants, ” said
a New Yorker to a Tr.lnine reporter,
"wc don’t seem to have anything horo
to touch ono or two I saw in Paris
when I was there. They are in the
poorest part of tho city, of course, aud
tlioir customers are of the doubtful-
well, no, not doubtful at all, but rather
decidedly shady—elass of tho popula¬
tion, who gather in there after tho thea¬
tres close at night and everybody from
whom they can beg with any chance of
orofit has gone homo.
"The arrangements and the sorvico
aro quite simple. Thoy coasist of ono
immense iron pot, filled with a con¬
glomerate stew of all sorts of odds
and ends of food picked up at the
refuse-baskets of tho big hotels aud
restaurants, and a long-handled iron
fork. The hungry customer advances
to the pot and pays a cent to the land¬
lord, who hands him the fork. Taking
a long sniff of the apprizing (?) steam
which rises from ti)e cauldron, he
plunges tho fork into the mass aud
withdraws it once—np more. If he
stabs anything with the fork aud brings
it to tho sur/ace, the'morsel is his; if
he gets nothing—which sometime) !
happens—ho has no redress, but must 5
jiay another coat for another
ilunge or go hungry. Tno
periment is always watched |
salhlessiy by the other customers,
1 if the lucky fisherman brings up a
substantial piece of meat he i3 con¬
gratulated, if ho brings up only a po¬
tato or a bit of carrot, #hich more fre¬
quently happens, the stinginess of the
master of the cuisine is fredy com¬
mented on an 1 doubts aro evon ex¬
pressed of tho existence of any more
meat at all in the stew, but if a luckless
wight brings up nothing at all, ho is
greeted with a chorus of laughter and i
derisive remarks, and is advised to fill
lumself up with a sAilt of tho vapor.
"Another restaurant which ivisitcl
there,” continued tliof narrator, “was
established by charitable people for the
.press use of the outcasts of society.
id a much more substantial meal is
given there for a sou than at the pinco I
have just de cribed; ' Therefore it is
more popular with those.of the criminal
classes who are not in danger of im¬
mediate arrest by the police and can
afford to come out’ of their liiding-
placos long enough to eat. If you did
not know the place to be the resort of
thieves, you would , a bogin to sus¬
pect it. Nothing about the place is
movable. The tables and benches are
screwed to the floor, the iron basins
from which the food is eaten aro
sunken into the tables and screwed
down nt the edges. The spoons, knives,
cups and forks siro also secured by short
chains, and, as tho Hood is already
seasoned, no pepper or salt castors are
provided.
"The only one-cent dish, however, is
a thick broth or soup, A strapping big
woman carries it about the room to the
customers in a sort of rubber bag, which
she holds under her arm and uses for
all tho world like a Scotchman’s bag¬
pipes. The hag is provided with a
long neck which ends in a nozzle. The
woman lowers the nozzle into the basin
before the customer and when she gives
the bag under her arm a squeeze with
her elbow, out squirts, the broth and
she controls the quantity by gripping
tho long neck, giving a one-cent dish
or a two-cent dish at will.
"While we were looking on, the at¬
tendant got into a dispute with ono of
her customers, a stranger to tho place,
a trucuient-looking ox-convict, about
the quantity of broth she had placed
bofore him for two sous. Hi assorted
that it was not worth mpre than ono
cent, and nobody should make him pay
any more for it. Ho threw down his
one cent w.th an oath,-and took up his
spoon to cat. Quickly anil quictiy the
attendant lowered the'long neck into
his soup-basin, withdrew die pressure
of her eibow from the bug under her
arm, and with an au lihte suck half the
broth was s: phoned back into the bag
in a jiffy from under the growler’s
very nose. ,
"Tiie surprise of the ex-convict svas
only equalled by our own."
Beliavior in Other Lands.
In Sweden, if you address the poor¬
est person on the street you must lift
your hat. The same courtesy is insisted
upon if you pass a lady on tho stair-
way. To enter a reading room or a
bank with one’s hat on is regarded as a
bad breach of manners. To place your i
hand on the arm of a lady is a grave
and objectionable familiarity. Never
touch the person; it is sacred, is one of
their proverbs. In Holland a iauy is
i
~
3
where men are oongi'ogated. She waits
until they buvo transacted their busi¬
ness and departed, Indies seldom rise
in Spain to recoivo a male visitor, and
they rarely acoompany him to the door.
For a Spaniard to givo a lady (evon his
wife) his arm when out walking is
looked upon as a dooido l violation of
propriety.
Iu Persia, among the aristocracy, a
visitor sends notice au hour or two
bofore calling, and gives a day’s not ce
if the visit is one of great importance.
He is niit by servants beforo ho reaohos
the house, an l other consi lerations are
shown him according to relative rank.
The left, and not tho right, is con¬
sidered the position of honor. No
Turk will enter a sittiug-ro.om with
dirty shoes. The upper classes wear
tight-fitting shoes, with goloshei over
them. Tno latter, which receive all
tho dirt and dust, are lef.t outside the
door. Tho Turk uoVer washes in dirty
water. Water is poured over his hands,
so that when pollutod it runs away.
In Syria the people never take oil
their caps or turbans whoa entering tho
house or visiting a friend, but thoy al¬
ways leave their shoes at the door.
There are no mats or scrapers outsido,
and the floors in ido are covered with
expensive rugs, kept very clean in Mos¬
lem houses and used to kneel upon
whili saying prayers.
Dr. l’al mage’s Income
In a sketch of the busy life of tho
liev. Dr. T. DeWitt Talmagc, recently
p iblished, it was stated that the income
of that famous divine wat more than
$100,000. Those who are well informed
on the doctor’s affairs know lhat this
estimate is easily within the truth, anil
that the reverend geatlomau could very
materially increase it were he so minded.
Not a day passes but what he receives
Half a dozm or more requests from
editors, publishers aul uewpaper syn¬
dicates for articles, stories, reviews ami
opinions on all sorts of subjects. His
c irreqroudonts offar to pay anything in
reason for tho use of his name, hut tho
name they must have, By way of
illustration, a certain trade j >urnal
recently wrote to him asking him to
prepare an article on food adulteration.
IIo could make it as long or short ns he
pieaso I, and ceuld name his own figure
for the work. Within a week an in¬
surance publication had penned a some¬
what similar proposition, in this case
llm advantages of lifo insurance being
the theme upon which the great divine
was requested to turn his eloquence.
I) -, Taliuuge read the first proposition,
gave utterance to a single- "humph,’’
and tossed tho loiter aside. Presumably
the second epistle mat a, like fate, us
neither of the desired articles lias ever
appeared.
Rich Red Men.
The Osage tnbo of Indians, whose
reservation is between Kansas and the
Creek country, are five times as rich as
the average of Americans, ten times as
rich as the average of Englishmen, and
the French and Italians arc paupers in
comparison. There are among tho
O.sages no penniless people and none in
want, except that insatiable want that
always wants more. There arc 1501 of
them, according to last year’s census.
They have in the United States Treas¬
ury $7, 758,094 of their own money,
drawing 7 per cent, interest. This
amounts to a capital of $5175 apiece
for the whole nation—men, women and
children.
But besides this they have 1,470,000
acres of laud, equal to just about 1000
acres apiece. This land is mostly fine
and arable, and would sell for au aver¬
age of $10 au acre, or $10,000 for each
individual’s portion. Tnis m ikes each
individual Osage Indian worth $15,172.
Eacli family possesses $60,000 on an
average, and the head of it, if ho be
industrious and enterprising, can grow
$10,000 worth of crops a year on his
4009 acres of land. He is raised per¬
manently above want and above fear of
want.— Itetroit Sun.
A Waterspout.
An officer of the American steamship
Santiago sends to the Hydrographic
Bureau aa account of a waterspout
which the vessel passed through near
one of the Bahama islands last spring.
He says: "The steamer passed through
the outer edge of the whirlpool, the
diameter of which I judge to have been
50 to 75 yards. On passing through
the outer edge I observed that the
center was hollow, the water circling
from west to cast, or against the sun.
Tiie water that foil on the deck was
very salt, and thc drops as large ns 50-
CC nt pieces. During tho few seconds
0 [ 0UI - passage through it the wind blow
at t p 0 m te of 30 or 35 miles per hour,
] ,][ [ uot observe any calm in the center
at a ) ) the water aiising ircru it resem
;/ an inverted fountain. After
c ; f , ar i n g it the wind resumed its original
force, about 13 miles per hour.”
SCIENTIFIC SCRAPS,
The longest timo thus far reported
for an incandescent lamp to burn is 10,-
608 hours.
A novel feature of tho coming exhi¬
bition in Edinburgh will be a working
ship railway in which tho vessel will
bo iiumorsod in wator while upon the
car.
Tho electric lights have reduced the
average time of vessels passing through
the Sii’z Canal front 37 hours 57 min¬
utes to 22 hours 32 minutes.
In the purest air subjected to test fot
tho causes which produces tho dimming
effect of hiiZi thoro were about 34,000
dust particles found in each cubic inch.
it is said that ten per cent, of alum,
added to plaster of parts while being
burned, renders it as hard as marblo on
setting, and capable of taking a fine
polish,
A color test for railway employes hai
been introduced in tho shnpoof a device
consisting of a revolving series of
colored gasses lighted from behind by
a flame ansi tinted like tho lamps of the
signal boxes.
la tanning by electricity the ordinary
tan liquid is employe I, and the hides
revolve slowly through it, while tho
current from a dynamo traverses the
vat and helps tho tanning to combine
with the gelatine of the skin.
A skillful cork-cutter can produce
from 1509 to 2009 corks u day, his
only tools being two sharp, broad-
bladed knives. Machines have been
introduced which can turn out about
2000 corks an hour, but they are useless
for the cutting of the finer qualities.
A new sort of boot-sole has been in¬
troduced in Nuremberg, consisting of a
sort of trellis of spiral raital wire, the
interstices being fillei with gutta
pereba and rosin. They can bo fitted
with nails- like ordinary soles, are fifty
per cent, cheaper than leathor and
vastly more durable.
When S r J. Hurschol was defending
the character of astronomical science in
view of au error of nearly 4,000,000 miles
in estimating the sun’s distance, tho
correction was shown to apply to an
error of observation so small as to be
equivalent to the apparent breadth of a
human hair at a distauce of 125 feet.
It is sometimes said that thc branches
of very old trees arc, properly speak¬
ing, roots, an 1 that if plantel upside
down tho trees would fl parish. He rr
Kny, n German homilist, lias recently
investigated thc matter by planting
vines aud ivy with both ends in the
ground and subsequently cutting them
at the arch. Tho experiments were
fairly successful, though uot in overy
instance; aud Herr Key intends to con¬
tinue them with other plants and treos,
such as willows, poplars and roses.
A Forty-Del Inr Joke.
If a prominent physician over in the
northwest hasn’t got even with one
practical joker then it doesn’t lie in tho
telling. Tho physician lives in a very
modern establishment. Not only is
there a special night-boll, but a speak¬
ing tube connects tho doorsteps with
the head of his bod. The practical
joker has had f un with this, lie has
been coming along about 1 39 a. m.
and standing on the opposite corner and
laughing until his sides ached thinking
how funny he was and what a good
time he was having, Then ho would
cross over and ring tho night-bell and
howl up the speaking tube as if a whole
regiment of mothers-in-law on tho next
block had ton-minute cholera and wero
dying by the wagon -load, And the
poor, tired doctor would rouse out of
his first sweet sleep and "hello” down
the tube. Then the funny man would
say:
"Does Dr. J--live here?”
“Yes.”
"Have you lived here long?”
“For twenty years. Who are you?
What tho deuce do you want?”
"Jest want to know why you don’t
move. That’s all. Ta! ta!”
And then the funny man bounces
down into the street and scoots home,
where he laughs for half an hour straight.
He didn’t laugh half so much the
other night. The doctor was loaded
for him. He knew that luugh and that
yell, and he stuck a funnel in the tube
and poured in two quarts of aquafortis,
indelible ink, liquid lye and a few
chemical whiffs of torment. It
gurgled and gurgled for one second
and then struck Dofunny iu the mug
just as he opened his mouth for another
howl. It came with a thirty-foot fall
And a ten-pound pressure to the square
inch.
He swallowed a pint before he could
shut his mouth, and the impromptu
iio.se played away ail over his face and
silk hat, and shirt front, and dress
suit. It was a roof-raiser,-and curled
him like a cockroach on a hot shovel.
It wilt cost the doctor $40 for plumb¬
ing, but he grins every time he thinks
of it.— Washington Post.
NO, 7.
Morning In the IfIIIn.
Faint streaks of light in the far-down tt is*
Outlined by an unseen pencil.
The artist hand of the dawn's high priest
Who spreads o’er a shadowed stencil
The silver hues of the morning’s wings,
The dusk and the darkness flaking,
iVhile the old earth sighs, and the pine tor
sings:
“Awake! for the day is breaking."
The gray squirrel barks, for the wood* ar
still
And the silence makes him braver,
And he sees the sun behind the hill,
Where thc shadows twist and waver—
The gray squirrel watches the dead leave
whirl
That the sun no more shall nourish,
Iligh on a branch with his tall a-curl,
Like a writing-master’s flourish.
The partridge drums on nn'oM dry log,
A haunt of worm and cricket,
Down near thc edge of a cranberry bog,
Close by a white birch thicket;
And at times the reverberation floats
Through Ihe air so round and mellow
That it sounds as sweet as thc basso notea
Of a maestro’s violiucello.
The gray squirrel barks and the partrid*
drums,
And the sunlight follows faster,
And over thc pines the wind-god comes
With the touch of an untaught master;
And he strikes the chords from a maze o!
limbs
That glitter with frost-lace hoary,
While eastward now as the darkness dim»
Is the sun in a sea of glory,
—SrnrM HeOaffey, in Chicago Heraty.
HUMOROUS.
The WtwIififttAmtn’it
temp for the best.
Almost anything antique from Rome
would bo Romantic.
Tho more a man bccomos wrapt up
in himself the chillier he gets.
The laundry roan lias to receive a
good many cuffs in this world.
"I understand that you aro quite gone
on Miss Wood." "No; not quite, but
going.”
Mr. Bonn (apropos of nothing)—How
stupid some people are. Mrs. Pa in—
Is this a confession?
First Orange—Hello! what are yoe
doing here? Second Orange—Nothing;
just looking round.
The pen is mightier than tho sword;
but for opening oystors or military
parades we’ll lake tho sword every
tunc.
"I’d rather be a wild turkey and live
on the prairie,” said a Iittlo boy, "than
be a tamo turkey and be killed overy
year.”
"I will spur him on to renowed ef¬
fort, ” as tho rooster said when he gave
ono more flap at thc flank of a retreat
ing dog.
Explained—“To wliat do you at¬
tribute your success in life?” asked th<
economist. "To ray failure,” replied
the ex-merchant.
Pater—You children turn up your
noses at everything on tho table.
When I was a boy I was glad to get
enough dry bread to cat. Tommy-—
Bay, pa, you’re having a much better
timo of it, now you are living with us,
ain’t you? ■
__
Long Range Rifle Shooting.
There is an immense amount of non¬
sense talked and written about long-
distance rifle shooting, and tho storios
men tell about their own or somebody
clso’s wonderful accuracy at long range
maybe set do.vn as campaign inven¬
tions. In fact, thesamo importance is
not attached to long-distanco shooting
as formerly, for it has been demon¬
strated beyond doubt that it is compar¬
atively useless, except where the dis¬
tance has been carefully measured and
tho gun properly gauged for it. It can
ho readily seen that this would ho im¬
practicable either in shooting at game
or in a military engagement. To illus¬
trate, the vi ry best long-dis¬
tanco rifle that is made has a fall
of forty inches in 590 yards. Now, how
many men are thcro who can nscurnlely
calculate such a long distance? And of
what use would the gun he in case the
marksman's judgment eired fifty yards
one way or the other? These considera¬
tions have induced thc government to
change the whole theory and practice
concerning the use of long-range guns.
The Creed moor system has been
abandoned entirely by the army m irks-
meg, and they arc now taught the art
of measuring distances by the eye, and
also practice shooting nt miving ob¬
jects. When firing at targets each nnn
makes his own estimate of distance, a
squad fires and then all advance, «ny 50
yards, make new estimates and fire
again. Th’s process is repeated, so
that the soldier really gets experience
that will bo of use to him iu actual
warfare. — Olobi-Dmoerat.
The Colossal Cznr.
Both iu appearance and manner, the
Czar has become a M iscovite of the old
Cossack type. He is a colossal figure,
being a giant, both in height and girth,
quite bald, witli a fiat, nose, an immense
sweeping moustache, an 1 a stupendous
heard, which flows over his chest.— Ar¬
gonaut.