Newspaper Page Text
VOL. I.
I’ll Not Confer With Sorrow,
I'll not confer with sorrow
Till tomorrow j
But joy shall have her way
This very day.
No, eglantine and cresses
For her tresses!—
Let care, the beggar, wait
Outside the gate.
Tears if you will—but after
Mirth and laughter;
Then, folded hands on breast
And endless rest.
—[Thomas 11. Aldrich, in Independent.
THE OLD SILVER WATCH
Charles Eames Btcpped into the office
of his friend Bowles, editor of the
Gienviile Courant.
“How are you, Eam?s?” asked the
editor.
“I ought to feci happy, l suppose,”
said the young man, a little ruefully,
“for I’ve just received notice of a
legacy?’
i “Indeed, I congratulate you.”
I “Wait tillvou hear what it is.”
; “Well, what is it?”
' “My aunt Martha has just died, leav¬
ing fifty thousand dollars.”
“To you? I congratulate you
heartily.”
“No; she leaves it to a public in-
stitut on. She leaves me only her
silver watch, which she has carried
for forty years.”
| “llow is that?”
' “She didn’t approve of my becom¬
ing an artist. She wished me to be a
merchant. If l had consulted her
wishes, I should, doubtless, have been
iter sole heir. This small legacy is
meant more as an aggravation than
anything else.”
“But you can make your own way.”
1 “I can earn a scanty living at pres¬
ent. I hope to do better by and by.
But you know my admiration for Mary
Brooks—If I had been Aunt Martha's
sole heir, I could have gained her
father’s consent to our marriage.
Now it is hopeless.”
“I am not so sure of that, This
legacy may help you.”
“An old watch? You arc joking.”
“Not if you will strictly observe iny
directions.”
“What are they?”
“Simply this: Agree for one calen¬
der month not to mention or convey
the least idea of the nature of your
aunt’s legacy. 1 will manage the rcs!.’>
“I don’t at all know what you
mean, Bowles,” said the young artist;
“but I am in your hands.”
“That is all I wish. Now remember
to express surprise at nothing; but let
matters take their course.”
“Very well.”
In the next issue of the Gienviile
Courant, this young artist was sur¬
prised to read the following para¬
graph:—
“We arc gratified to record a piece
of good luck which lias just bcfa’len
our esteemed fellow-citizen, tho prom¬
ising young artist, Charles Eames. By
Hie will of an aunt recently' deceased,
he comes into possession of a piece of
property which has been in the family
for many years. Miss Eames is re¬
ported to have left fifty thousand dol¬
lars.’
“Really,” thought the young man,
“anybody would naturally suppose
from this paragraph that L had inheri¬
ted my aunt’s entire property.”
He put on his hat and walked down
the street. lie met Ezekiel Brooks,
president of the Gienviile National
Bank.
Mr. Brooks beamed with cordiality.
“My dear sir, permit me to con¬
gratulate you,” he said.
“You have read the Courant?” said
Eames.
“Y'es; and I am delighted to hear of
your good fortune. Can I speak to
you on business a moment?”
“Certainly, Mr. Brooks.”
“Y’ou'll excuse iny advice, but l
know you are not a business man,
while I am. My young man, do you
want to make some money ?”
“Certainly, I should be glad to do
so.”
“James Pa ker has five hundred
shares of the Wimbledon Railway. It
stands at fifty-six, a figure much be¬
low its real A'altte. But Parker is
nervous, and Avants to 'sell out. I
Avant you to buy out his entire stock. ’
“But Mr. Brooks—”
“I know what you would say. It
may go down—hut it Avon’t. 1 have
advices that ;i speedy rise is almost
certain. Buy him out, and you’ll
make a handsome thing of it.
“But how shall 1 find the money:’’
“Of course you haven’t received
your legacy yet. I know there are de¬
lays. No trouble about that. Give
your Dote on ninety days, and I'll in¬
dorse it. You'll sell out before that
time at handsome advance. ”
a
“I Avill place mveelf in your bauds
Mr. Brooks, but you must manage (lie
business.”
“Certainly; I shall only Avant your
denature when the document* are
THE ENTERPRISE.
made out. By tho by, come round
and dine with us, or liavo you another
engagement?”
Another engagement? If Eames
had had fifty engagements ho would
have broken them all for the privilege
of meeting Mary Brooks. This was
the first time lie had been invited to
the capitalist’s table- Tho fact is,
until this morning Mr. Brooks had
scarcely vouchsafed him more than a
cool nod on meeting; but had changed,
or appeared to, and his behavior al¬
tered with it. Such is the way of tho
world!
It was a very pleasant dinner. The
young artist remained afterwards.
“I have an engagement, Mr. Eames,”
said Mr. Brooks, “a meeting of the
Bank Directors, but you mustn’t go
away, Mary will entertain you.”
The young man did not go away,
and apparently was satisfied by the en¬
tertainment he received. lie blessed
his aunt for her legacy, if only it had
procured him this afternoon's inter¬
view with the young lady lie had ad¬
mired. But it gained him more.
Every four days he received a similar
invitation. lie could not fail to see
that Ezekiel Brooks looked with evi¬
dent complacency on the good under¬
standing between his daughter and
himself.
“What will he say?” thought the
young man, “when he finds out what
sort of a legacy I have received from
my aunt?”
Occasionally, too, he felt nervous
about his hasty assent to the proposi¬
tion to buy -100 shares of railroad stock
at 56, when he hadn't $50 ahead. lie
reckoned up, one clay, what his pur¬
chase would amount to, and his breath
was nearly taken away when he found
it amounted to twenty-eight thousand
dollars! Still, it had been in a man¬
ner forced upon him. He asked no
questions, but every now and then the
old gentleman said, “All going well!
Stock ?dvancing rapidly.”
With that he was content. Indeed,
lie was so carried away by love of
Mary Brooks that he gave little thought
to any other subject.
One day Mr. Brooks came up, his
face beaming with joy.
“Wish you joy, Eames,” he said,
“Wimbledon’s gone up like a rocket
to par. Give me authority, and I’ll
sell out for you.”
The artist did so, hardly realizing
what it meant till three days after, he
received a little note to this effect:
Deak Fames:-- Have sold out Your five
hundred shares of Wirnb edon at 101. So
you bought at 55. This gives you a clear
profit of forty-five dollars per share, or
twenty-two thousand five hundred dollars.
You had better reinvest your surplus, ’fall
at my office at once. Yours very truly,
Ezekiel Brooks.
( havles Eames read this letter three
times before he could realize its mean¬
ing. Could it be that without invest¬
ing a cent, he had male over twenty
thousand dollars? It must be a dream,
he thought.
But when he called at (he old
gentleman’s office, he found it was
really true.
“Mr. Eames, how about this money?
Shall I re-in vest it for you?”
“Thank you, sir. I wish you
would. I should like a little in hand,
however.”
“Certainly, What will answer?”
and the old gentleman wrote a cheque
for five hundred dollars, and placed it
in the young man’s hand.
It was more money than he had
cA-cr before possessed at one time.
This was convincing proof of the
reality of his good fortune.
The next day ho AA'ent to the city and
ordered a handsome suit of clothes a 1
a fashionable tailor’s, The fact was
his old coat avhs getting threadbare,
and liis overcoat decidedly seedy.
While he was about it he bought a new
coat and boots, as well as other needed
articles, and still returned with money
enough in his pocket to make him feel
rich. lie changed his boarding-house,
engaging a handsome room at a much
nicer boarding-house.
“It seems to me you arc dashing out,
Eames,” said his friend the editor.
“You know I’ve had a legacy,” said
Fames, laughing.
“I begin to think you have,” said
the editor.
When Eames appeared on the street
in his new suit it was a confirmation
of the 11 CAV 8 of his inheritance, Ilis
removal to a fashionable boarding¬
house was additional confirmation. It
was wonderful how he rose in the es-
timation of people who had before
looked upon him as a shiftless artist.
All at once it occurred to him.
“Why shouldn’t I propose for Mary
Brooks? With twenty thousand dol¬
lars I could certainly support her com¬
fortably. 'there was a very pretty
cottage, and tasteful grounds, for sale
at five thousand dollars. This would
m»ke a charming home.”
One morning with considerable
trepidation, young Eamei broached
j the subject tp Mr. Brooks. ^
CARNES VILLE, GA., FRIDAY, JULY 11.1890.
“No one I should like bettor for a
son-in-law, if Mary is willing,” was
the prompt answer.
Mary was willing, and as there
seemed no good reason for waiting,
the marriage took place within a few
weeks.
“Charles,” said his father-in-law,
after the young people returned from
their wedding journey, “it is time for
me to render you an account of your
money affairs. I have been lucky in
my investments, and I have thirty-one
thousand dollars to your credit, or de¬
ducting the amount paid for yom
house, twenty-six thousand dollars.
By the way, have you received your
aunt’s bequest ?”
“I received it yesterday,” said
Charles.
“Indeed 1”
“Here it is,” said the young man,
and lie produced a battered silver
watch.
“Do you mean to say this is all she
left you?” asked his father-in-law,
stupefied.
“Yes, sir.”
Ezekiel Brooks whistled in sheer
amazement, and his countenance fell.
For a moment ho regretted his daugh¬
ter’s marriage, but then came tho
thought that his son-in-law, through a
lucky mistake, was really the posses¬
sor of quite a comfortable property)
which under his management might
be increased. So he submitted with a
good grace, and is on the best of terms
with his daughter’s husband, who is
now in Italy with his wife, pursuing
a course of artistic study. He treas¬
ure! carefully the old watch, which he
regards as the foundation of his pros¬
perity.—[Yankee Blade.
A Famous Goose.
An interesting relic is preserved iu a
glass case in the Coldstream Guards’
orderly room at Whitehall. It consists
of the head aud neck of a goose,
around which is a golden collar with
the inscription “Jacob—Second Battal¬
ion Coldstream Guards.” Beneath it
are the words: “Died on Duty.” In
1838 a rebellion broke out in our
Canadian possessions and two battal¬
ions of the Guards were sent thither to
assist in quelling it, the battalion
already mentioned being one of them.
Both corps occupied the citadel of
Quebec, and in their turn supplied the
guards which were ordered to be
mounted in different parts of tiie town
neighborhood. Near one of these
guards avas a farmyard Avliich had
suffered much from tiie ravages of
foxes—animals Avere at that period a
great pest to the colonists ; and as the
farm iu question had been suspected
of being the meeting place of rebels,
a chain of sentries Avas placed around
it.
One day the sentry: whoso duty it
avas to watch the entrance to the farm
had his attention attracted by an un¬
usual noise, and on looking toward
the spot whence it proceeded, he be¬
held a fine goose fleeing tOAvard him,
closely pursued by a fox. His first im¬
pulse was to have a shot at the latter,
but. this wonld hav r e alarmed the
guard and brought condign punish¬
ment on himself for giving a false
alarm. He was compelled, therefore,
to remain a silent spectator of tho
scene, Avhile every step brought the
Reynard nearer to his prey.
In the height of its despair the poor
bird ran its head and neck between
the legs of the soldier in its frantic en¬
deavor to reach the refuge which the
sentry-box could afford, anil at the
same moment the wily fox made a
desperate grab at the goo e, but too
late, for ere he could get a feather be¬
tween his teeth, the ready bayonet of
the sentinel had passed through its
body. of showing
The poor goose, by way
its gratitude to its preserver, rubbed
its head against his legs, and made
other equally curious demonstrations
of joy; nor could it ever be prevailed
upon to quit the post, but Avalked up
and down day after day Avith each suc¬
cessive sentry that Avas placed there
until tho battalion left Canada, when
the goose was brought away with it as
a regimental pet, to England.—[Cham¬
ber’s Journal.
Warm Salt Baths are Refreshing.
A warm salt bath is very refreshing
to any one suffering from the exhaus¬
tion of travel or of a long shopping
expedition—which is as trying to
mind and body as anything that can
be undertaken by a woman. Away
from the seashore a very simple sub¬
stitute for sea-water is a cup of rock-
salt dissolved in warm water and
added to the bath. When the salt is
irritating to the skin take a warm bath
and sponge off with a mixture of violet
or lavender water and alcohol, about
half and half, and rub briskly with a
warm flic ion towel. Such a method
prevents tho exhaustion and danger.of
cold which follows a Avann bath.—
[New York Tribute
A SHIP’S LARDER.
TIIE MOUNTAINS OK FOOD USED
ON AN OCEAN STEAMER.
Beef, Buttor, Bread and Vegetables by
the Ton.
In tiie busy season the City of Paris
carries about 550 first cabin, 250 sec¬
ond cabin and 650 steerage passen¬
gers. There are 400 in the ship’s
company, including doctors, printers,
boiler makers, six bakers, three butch¬
ers, seventeen cooks, hydraulic, elec¬
trical and other engineers to the num¬
ber of tliirty-two, 148 stewards and
eight stewardesses. So there may be
about 1,850 aboard.
Notwithstanding the fact that many
of the passengers arc seasick from the
time they pass Sandy Hook until Fast-
net is sighted, they manage to con¬
sume in one trip something like 13,000
pounds of fresh beef, 8,000 pounds of
corned beef, 4,000 pounds of mutton,
1,000 pounds of lamb, 2,000 pounds
of veal and pork, 15,000 pounds of
bacon, 500 pounds of liver, tripe, and
sausages, 200 hams, 300 pounds of
fish, 20,000 eggs, 17 tons of potatoes,
3 tons of other vegetables, 3,600
pounds of butter, 600 pounds of cheese,
600 pounds of coffee, 850 pounds of
tea, 100 pounds of icing sugar, 150
pounds of powdered sugar, 670 pounds
of loaf sugar, 3,000 pounds of moist
sugar, 700 pounds of salt, 200 pounds
of nuts, 560 pounds of dried fruit,
20 barrels of apples, 8,600 lemons, 20
cases of oranges—and other green fruit
in season—300 bottles of pickles, 150
bottles of ketchup, sauce, and horse
radish, anl 150 cans of presents.
There are also quantises of poultry,
oysters, sardines, canned vegetables,
and soups, vinegar, pepper, mustard,
curry, rice, tapioca, sago, hominy, oat¬
meal, molasses, condensed milk,
“tinned” Boston beans, confectionery
and ice cream. Fifty pounds of ice
cream arc served at a single meal in
the first cabin.
Thirty tons of ice are required to
keep the great storerooms cool. Eight
barrels of Hour are used daily. Tho
bakot s are busy from dawn of day.
They make 4000 delicious Parker
House rolls for breakfast every morn¬
ing. Thirty eight-pound loaves of
white bread and 100 pounds of brown
bread are baked each day; also pics>
puddings, cakes, etc.
Eight barrels of common crackers
and a hundred tins of fancy crackers
are stowed away in the storeroom, to¬
gether with 100 pounds of wine and
plum cake, not a crumb of which is
left when Liverpool is reached. .Six
thousand bottles of ale and porter, I,-
200 bottles of mineral waters, 4,500
bottles of wine, atul more or less
ardent spirits arc drunk inside of six
days by the guests of this huge float¬
ing hotel. About 3,000 cigars are sold
on board, but many more are smoked.
Two hundred pounds of toilet soap is
supplied by the steamship company.
One of the odd sights to be seen on
the double-decked Inman pier toon
after the arrival of the “queen of the
ocean greyhounds” is the great stacks
of soiled linen which are being assorted
by about a dozen stewards. Here is
the wash list for a single trip: Nap¬
kins, 8300; tablecloths, 180; sheets,
3600; pillow cases, 4400; towels, 16,-
200, and dozens of blankets and coun¬
terpanes. Although the list is very
short, it requires four large two-horsc
trucks to carry the wafeh to the Inman
Company’s steam laundry in Jersey
City. In less than a week it is back in
tho lookers of the linen rooms, which
arc in charge of a regular linen keeper.
There is no washing done aboard.
Many of the ship’s company have their
washing done in New York, but the
greater number have it done in Liver¬
pool.—[New York Sun.
Coffee Making by Electricity.
At a certain Berlin cafe the lighting
and ventilation are effected by means
of electricity. In the centre of tiie
room there are several large glass jars
through which passes a platinum wire
in spiral form. The elcctrici'y, on
heating the wire, speedily raises the
temperature of the water in tiie jars to
boiling point and prepares the coffee m
tiie sight of everybody. Lastly, a
small .electric railway transmits the
coffee to the various, tables, so that the
guests may help themselves to their
liking.
Ten Cents a Day Without Board.
California miners who have returned
from China declare that the Lig Hi
mines, of the richness of which many
surprising stones iiavc been told, are
ordinary quartz mines. They are all
operated by Chinese, wto have learned
from foreign miners how to run
stamp-mills. The ore run* from $25
to $50. The price paid for labor is
ten cents per day without bqgrd,
—[Neff York Tribune.
History of the Gallows.
Evidently tho stout arm of a tree
served as tho primitivo gallows, and
such was in use at a very early period
in man’s history. In (ho book of
Esther 'wo read that Haman was
hanged on the tree that had bcon pre¬
pared for Mordceai. In more recent
times, iu ancient ballads and accounts
of the gallows, references are made to
tho “fatal tree,” tho “gallows tree,”
the “triple tree,” “Tyburn tree,” etc.
A tree was not, however, always
conveniently placed to convert it into
a gallows, and thus the introduction
of the simple conslruction, consisting
of two upright posts and a transverse
beam, the principle of which has not
been materially altered from its first
introduction.
Tho gallows at times differed in
height, which was increased in accord¬
ance with tiie licinousnessof the crime
of the culprit. These elevated erec¬
tions were made use of at tho execu¬
tions of tho regicides in (lie seven-
teentli century, and thus it was that
long ladders were required in carrying
out tho last extremities of the law.
When ladders wore used tho execu¬
tioner mounted one and the culprit the
other. The rope having been adjusted
to the cross-bo-.nl, the executioner
would descend and remove his ladder,
leaving the condemned wretch on the
other, engaged in his last appeals for
mercy. These prayers were at times
exceedingly prolonged, after finishing
which the miserable wretch Avas ex¬
pected to throw himself off the ladder
and thus to a certain extent become his
own executioner.
Courage, however, would often
fall at tho last moment, and his
prayer would be continued for a long
time. When it was evident that the
culprit Avas praying against time, the
executioner Avould stealthily reach tiie
ladder on which he stood and over¬
throw it, and the body would conse¬
quently then be swinging in the throes
and agonies of death. At one period
it Avas customary to carry out the exe¬
cution of a criminal as near as possible
to the spot Avhere the crime for which
lie suffered w; s committed.
Fortune in a Toy.
George I). Smith, at present pro-
piietor of one of the best-knoAvn
restaurants in New York city, lias had
an eruptive money-making career.
Twenty years ago lie started in Chica¬
go Avith a good capital, but no busi¬
ness experience, Two years later
some one else had the capital and Mr.
Smith had learned something about
business.
Mr. Smith, when almost at the end
of his financial rope, invented the
si reef toy called “Bazouk,” Avhich
sold at the rate of 50,000 a day when
at (he height of its popularity. Mr.
Smith cleared $50,000 in a few months
out of this toy.
For the last six or seven years he has
derived an income of $2500 out of its
sale. The restaurant that he started
on tho profits of the “Bazouk” now
nets him $50,000 a year.
John Brisbcn AValker, the million-
j aire magazine proprietor, tried a
dozen different roads to wealth with¬
j out success, until as a last resource he
I Avent to Colorado, and securing a ranch
began to grow “alfalfa” grass on a
large scale. Tiie alfalfa netted him
largo sums, which he invested in West-
('rn lands. which have since made him
a millionaire.
A. II. de Frece gained independent
wealth as easily as rolling oft' the tra¬
ditional log. Mr. de Frece has a
national reputation, won by his suc¬
cessful management of all the large
fairs which have taken place in this
city during the past five years. Mr.
Freco some years ago Avas in the
wholesale button business. He in¬
vented a peculiar style of button
which, in addition to giving him a
good sized fortune, brings him in an
annual income of many thousands.—
[New York Journal.
Woods that Sink in Water.
There are 413 species of trees found
within the limits of the United States
and territories, sixteen of which, when
perfectly seasoned, Avill sink in water.
The heaviest of these is the black iron-
wood found only in southern Florida,
which is more than 30 percent, heavier
than water. Of the other fifteen, the
best known is the lignum vita?, aud the
mangrove. Texas and New Mexico,
lands full of queer creeping, crawling,
walking and inanimate things, are tho
homes of a species of oak which is
about one and one-fourth times heavier
than water, and Avhich, when green,
Avill sink almost as quick as a bar of
iron. It grows only in mountaiu re¬
gions, and has been found westward
as far as the Colorado desert, where it
grows at an elevation of 10,000 feet.
Ail the species heavier than water be¬
long to tropical Florida, or in the west
and southwest,—[Commercial Adver¬
tiser.
l’OR TIIE HOUSEWIFE.
A KNIFE CLEANER.
Tako two boards about 18 inches
long by six inches wide. Nail a belt
of leather over these boards and fasten
thorn together by hinges. Lay tho
knifo between the boards, which have
been sprinkled with bath brick, and
rub the knifo rapidly between thorn.
A paste made with emery powder and
sweet oil is excellent for fine knives.
-[New York Tribune.
BOILING RICE FOR SOUP.
To boil rice in grains for soups,
after cleansing it throw it into plenty
of salted boiling water, and boil it fast
for 15 minutes; then drain off tho
water and plncc the saucepan contain¬
ing the rieo cither in the oven, uncov¬
ered, or upon a brick on tho back of
the slovo, with a dean towel folded
several times laid in tho saucepan
above the rice, tho cover being loft off.
After about 10 minutes steaming in
this way, tho rice will bo dry and ten¬
der, every grain distinct.
OLD NEWSPAPERS IN THE HOUSEHOLD.
The real value of old newspapers
about a house is fully comprehended
by but a few. Many people In wrap¬
ping up woolen goods to put away for
the summer— a something that must
soon be done for the coming season—
use clear brown paper. Old newspa¬
pers are far preferable, for the ink on
them has been observed to he very ob¬
noxious to moths, insects, &c. A great
benefit can also he derived by placing
a layer of ohl newspapers upon the
carpet paper spread under carpets, as
it is a preventive to encroachments by
vermin, which is so often the case.
Another useful attribute of paper
not generally known is for preserving
ice in a pitcher of water, Fill the
pitcher with ice and water and place
in the centre of a piece of paper; then
gather the paper up together at the top
and twist the ends tightly together,
placing a strong rubber band around
the coil to hold it close so as to exclude
the ai -. A pitcher of ice water treated
in this manner lias been known to stand
over night with scarcely a perceptible
melting of the ice.— [New York Tele¬
gram.
THE BEST WAY TO DRESS SALSIFY.
Cut off the lop leaves, but do not,
as so many cooks do, cut off the
crown, which is really one of tho best
parts of the root. Wash very clean,
and scrape off all of the dark outsido
skin, throwing each root into cold
water as you finish with it, to keep it
from turning dark.
Have ready a pot of boiling water
sailed to taste, put in the salsify and
boil it until nearly done, but still firm.
Remove it from the tire, and grate
it up as soon as it is cool enough to
handle. That point is speedily reached
by drawing off the hot water through
a sieve and pouring cold water over
the roots.
Mix the grated salsify with a largo
spoonful of fresh butter, one of sifted
flour and a raw egg. Salt and pepper
it to taste.
Have ready a deep pan of boiling
lard, and drop the salsify into it, a
largo spoonful at a time, and as many
as the surface of the pan will admit.
As soon as (hey are a nice brown tako
out with a perforated skimmer, and
lay on a hot dish befoie tho fire.
If the lard is at the proper degreo of
heat they will not absorb grease, but
if you like you can lay them on bibu¬
lous paper and remove them carefully
to the dish.
They should be served as soon as
possible, ft r no fried tiling is ever tho
better for waiting, if the salsify is
made only moist enough to handle,
and well tolled in cracker dust, after
being shaped like a fried oyster it is
hard to decide from its flavor just
which it is.—[Good Housekeeping.
RECIPES.
Canned Elderberries.—To sixteen
pounds of the berries add seven pound 8
of 6ugar, two pounds of seeded raisins
and one pint of good vinegar. Cook
thoroughly, and put up in cans or jar
and cover closely.
Apple Chari ffte.—Two pounds of
apples, pared arid cored; slice them
into a pan, add one pound of sugar,
the juice of three lemons, and the rind
of one, grated; boil all together until
it becomes thick, which it will do in
about two hours; turn into a mold;
serve cold, with either a rich custard
or cream.
German Loaf.—Take about two
pounds of bread dough from the light
dough when it is ready to mold aud
add to it three ounces of butter, a cup
of sugar and two eggs well beaten;
kueailall these together, using flour to
prevent sticking, until [he dough is
smooth and soft; work jji half a
of seeded raisins, put intogreased pans,
stand tp rise and, when jight, bake th<?
same as bread ,
NO. 27.
The Man Who llcurd It lleforo.
Y»u tell him a joke you relied on as now,
He smiles in a wearisome way,
From a comedy new you recite him a bit,
He says lie saw that at the play.
You give him a story that, never yet failed
To set nil who heard in a roar;
Me nods half approval and turns him away,
And murmurs, “I’ve heard it before.”
The girl whom you woo in your tenderest
tone,
Whose heart you are seeking to gain,
Listens coldly to all you may have to pro-
test,
Seeming only to wish you’d refrain.
You seek for some phrase not totally trite,
And e’en the thesaurus explore,
Its all of no use, and you bid her good-by—
You see she tins heard it before.
llow sad it must bo to go onward like this,
With nothing on earth to enjoy,
And never make anyone happy yourself
And only find things to annoy.
IBs life like an orange whoscjuices are gone,
’Tis a dry, empty shell, and no more.
Alas! he is much to be pitied, not blamed—
The man who lias heard it beforo.
— [Washington Post.
HUMOROUS.
A walking match—The living skele¬
ton.
Deer are not the bravest of animals,
yet they always die gamo.
Money talks, sure enough, and peo¬
ple arc generally willing to listen to it,
too.
Gladstone, though not monarch of
the forest, is a fell destroyer among
trees.
Tho poet’s expression, “Had .1 the
wings of a ilovo,” was no doubt merely
a flight of fancy.
Customer—Is it customary to fee the
waiter here? Waiter—Yes, sir. Cus¬
tomer—Then hand over your fee. I’ve
waited for you nearly an hour.
“Is that cernont any good?” asked a
prospective purchaser of a peddler.
“Any good?” was the reply. “Why,
you could mond tiie break of day with
that cement.”
It would be an awful strain on a
man to bo polite through all the worri-
ments of business if htf were not con¬
soled by the prospect of getting even
after going home.
Mr. I’hunnytnaii (looking up from
his paper)—“Another cashier gone
with the deposits.” Mrs. Pliunnyman
—“What was tho sum?” Mr. I’—
“Ho wasn’t satisfied with some—he
took everything.”
AT rEACE.
The lamb's inside the lion,
Fierce wars and wrangling cease,
The cat sleeps on the bootjack,
And all the world is peace.
A Diamond-Set Tooth.
A short time ago a lady with a had’
ly decayed upper lateral incisor en
tered a St. Paul (Minn.) dentist’i
office, and, ufter examination, the doc¬
tor informed her that the only meant
of saving the tooth Avould he to sub¬
stitute a gold crown. In a joking way
lie referred to the diamond story, and
laughingly suggested that there Avas
an excellent opportunity to try the ex¬
periment, in her case. To his surprise
his patient, who proved to be an ac¬
tress, assented. Dr. Ellis procurred a
small-sized brilliant, and embedded it
in the gold crown Avliich he built on
tho remains of the natural predecessor.
The actress is delighted with the re¬
sult, and declares that the next gem
inserted shall ho a carat in weight.
Tho stone is not conspicuous, and
might escape notice altogether, al¬
though a ray of artificial light makes it
sparkle iu a Avay likely to arouse
curiosity. Tho actress is the nearest
actual approach to the little girl in the
fairy story from whose mouth gems
dropped whenever she spoke. It is
hardly probable that any such fashion
will bccomo general, although an in¬
spection of tho jewelled incisor shows
that the effect is far less startling than
would bo expected.—[Pioneer Press.
An Old Clock Maker.
Hiram Camp, president of the New
Haven (Conn.) Clock Company, ha*
been in the clock-making business for
over sixty years, all the time with one
concern. He probably knows more
about the history of clock manufacture
in this country than any other man in
the Nutmeg State, Avliich gaA-e birth to
the business a hundred years ago, and
lias monopolized it to a great extent
ever since. In the days of wooden
clocks the manufacturers made up a
few at a time and peddled them through
the country, and the filling of an ord-r
for a hundred clocks woqld have been
considered the work of an ordinary
lifetime. Now (he companies iu Con¬
necticut and other parts of the country
turn out over two million clocks a year.
Privation.
Mr. Phileas Fogg (in the west).—I
suppose you meet with a g°°d many
hardships out here on tho plains?
Lariat Luke.—Hardships? I should
say so! Why, pard, I’ve sometimes
Ijcon obliged to chaw smokin’ tep
Fieri—[Puck.