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The Carnesvi lle VOb. XV1IL. IN QUIET BAYS. In quiet bays by storms unspent I moor my boat with calm content, I sought of yore tho deep, wide sea, The tempest set my spirit free ; I loved to matoh my puny power With Nature in her stormiest hour. But now I bring my little boat In quiet bays, to drift and float Idly upon the idle tide: Tile sea for me is all too wide I seek no more my spirit's mate, The awful, wind-swept sea of fate. —Charlotte Pendleton, in Lippineott, EBEN. BY EVELYN A. Kim a / N the days beforo -5P wj the established, railroads were - Ik ' 7 the arrival of the coach was a mat- M ter of much im- gS pKy portance inhabitants to the f & o ^ the little village of Ivinhope, which waB situated within fifty miles of Boston. As the coach approached the village this beautiful morning in May, it as¬ cended a long, steep hill, from the brow of which could he seen the many hills lying about, with the pretty wooded valleys between ; and away off to the right a mountain peak, which was Mount Wachusett. Among the pas¬ sengers riding on top of the coach was Eben Eames, and many, many years after, when his last days were spent in ft house not then built upon this very hill, Eben recalled the bright anticipa¬ tions of this da}-. Eben was going home after having spent several years as an apprentice with Cobbler Gore in Boston, while two years of work in addition to the ap¬ prenticeship, in which he had been in¬ dustrious and saving, had enabled him to lay by a little sum. On leaving the coach Eben made his way hurriedly to his home, where he was received with a shout of welcome, and turned about to be praised and ad¬ mired to his complete satisfaction. After the exclamations had subsidod somewhat, Eben said with a little em¬ barrassment : “How—how is Molly?” an* “An’ how should I know; go see for yerself," said Eben’s mother good- naturedly, understanding his impa¬ tience to see the girl who was so soon to be his wife. As Eben crossed the road, Molly saw him coming, and with a first impulse started to run down the garden path to meet him. Then suddenly a feeling of bashfulness coming over her, she drew back into the house. With Eben’s knock at the door, there came a young woman with the fresh bloom of health on her cheeks, and Eben felt almost shy when he greeted Molly, she seemed to him so lovely. When about to leave, Eben said: “An’ then it will be this day week, Molly?” and Moll} - demurely answered: “Yes.” A week later a few neighbors, with the immediately related families, were present at the wedding of Molly and Eben. From Molly’s home they went to live on the main street of the vil¬ lage. There was a cosy house in the rear, and a little shop in front, while a big sign, with its gilt letters proclaim¬ ing to all passersby: “Eben Eames, Shoemaker,” was next to Eben, the pride of Molly’s heart. These were happy days. Molly sing¬ ing about her work would stop now and then to hear the rap-rap-tap-tap of Eben’s hammer. When the stitch¬ ing began and all was still, the silence oppressed her, and after listening at the door to make sure no customers were in, she would open tho door care¬ fully, tiptoeing up to Eben who sat with his back toward her, when to his great surprise a pair of hands would cover his j?yes, and a sweet voice would be sounding in his ears: “Guess, Eben.” Naturally Eben guessed correctly after a few trials. This play came to be looked forward to by the young man, for it was not always presented in the same way, Molly being a young woman of resources. But after a time Eben began to be restless, the village was too small; he could not earn money fast enough, and he began to think of going to Boston, when there came a rumor that a rail¬ road was to be built. “Molly, when that railroad comes, it will be a great day for us. I’ll build a bigger shop and make shoes enough to send to other towns, and hire several men to work for me Oh, Molly, then we’ll get rich. ” “That would be well, Eben, but we are happy now without riches,” she would reply. The railroad was begun. The tracks were laid almost to the adjoining town and Eben no longer restraining his impatience, began to build his larger shop, Molly said: “I wouldn’t hurry, Eben You know the proverb tells us ‘haste makes waste Better wait another year.” the Unheeding, Eben pushed on work of building. One day a stranger came into the little shop; a fine-looking gentleman. The new railroad naturally became a topic for conversation. “It will do great things for our vil- Eben. BiBL-— ■M., v i s*id the gentleman, “have c J ard ? We have decided not | Hk/of this place, but con- j Bocksboro'. By the /'enlarge your business? | §oing up opposite. ” Aoked some inarticulate reply, i gauger ned to the left, cobbler, wondering but little what f : or caring what grief his words I r .i wrought. A few moments later MoUy came in •h her usual light way, but meeting oTeDponee asked: CARNESV1LLK, FRANKLIN CO, KDNHSDAY, JUNE 21,. an “Eben, what’s the matter of you?” Then Eben, lifting his head, said heavily, “Molly, I am ruined.” “Ruined!” “Yes. ruined. Mr. Simms, one the head ones on the road, has just been in, and said the road’ll not touch this town. It is goin’ by on the other side.” Molly’s face blanchod, for she well knew what this meant. Money nearly spent 011 the larger shop, No one would buy it. All their bright dashed in a moment. Recovering somewhat, she put her arms about Eben, saying: “Even so, Eben. We can begin again and live as we have lived these past few years You are btit twenty eight now. ” At last her sensible words and com¬ forting touch reached nim, and he agreed to try to regain his cheerfulness. A year passed. Molly saw with dis¬ may the change wrought in Ebon by his misfortune. He was restless, long¬ ing to do something, to go somewhere; irritable even, at times; so unlike the gay, good-humored husband of other days. Molly feared, she scarcely knew what, and when sittingat their evening meal one evening, Eben said : “I’ve made up my mind, Molly, to leave this plaoe.” She felt the blow had fallen. “Well, Eben,” she answered quietly, “when and where shall we go?” Eben glanced down at his plate, not liking to see a look of surprise and pain, which he know would come to the face of his wife, at the words he was about to say. “I’ve been thinkin’, Molly,” he said, slowly, ‘ ‘as how you might stay on here a while, an’ I’ll go to Boston first an’ see what I can do, an’ if I don’t find the right la}- of the land, mebbe I’ll go farther till i do. ” “But Eben—” Molly remonstrated. Eben did not wait for her to finish, and continued: “There’s a little money I’ll leave ye, which will keep yo for a while, until I find a place to settle; then I’ll send for ye-” “Yes, Eben,” said Molly, “the money will keep me for a little while, but I want to go with you. Do let me. Take me with you. Oh, don’t leave me be¬ hind. I feel, Eben, as though we’d both be sorry for it, if you don’t let me go with you now. ” As she clung to him, Eben almost yielded tc her sweet persuasion, but suddenly answered with determined obstinacy.- “No, Molly, I’m a-goin’first. ” It was with a sad and heavy heart that Molljr prepared Eben’s valise for his journey. The next morning, as she stood watching him going down the road, Eben, fuming, saw her there and for the instant his heart prompted him to turn back, she looked so sorrowful, and he thought of her words, “I feel as though we’d both be sorry if you don’t let me go. ” But he would not give in to such feelings, and soon he was on his way lost in bright hopes of future success, when he and Molly would be living in luxury. When Eben disappeared, Molly went in through the Bhop. There every¬ thing had been put away, and the shop cleared of the shoemakers’ tools. It looked so desolate as Molly took the seat Eben used to occupy that her self-control gave away and the sobs came quick and hard. As the days passed Molly often caught herself lis¬ tening for the sound of Eben’s ham¬ mer, but no such sound came to Molly listening, waiting for years. No ac¬ customed sound came to the passerby and in time the people came to the little shop to buy the shining loaves of bread which Molly baked. It was a May day like the one when Eben had come home and said, ‘ ‘This day week, Molly, ” and Molly had so sh 3 'ly answered “Yes." It was the time of day when few customers came in. In the back part of the shop or store sat a woman about thirty-five years old, still fair to look upon, hut with an expression in her face which told of anxiety and disappointment. She did not notice the entrance of any one, being so absorbed in the thought. The memory ‘of another May was alive still and she was living those early days over again. Until a man’s voice close to her aroused her, saying with¬ out further preface: “Molly, I came for the answer.” Molly looked up at him without ag¬ itation, but there camo no reply. It seemed to her she could not speak. The man continued: “You know, Molly, Eben is dead, for your last word from him that he was dying with the fever, and James brought you the news from the Cali¬ fornia mining camp five years ago. Surely I have waited patiently for my answer. What is it?” And the reply in a voice was: “I will go with you. I’ve waited hoping against hope to hear again from Eben, but I believe now that he died at that time. ” A few days later, a ceremony was quietly performed at the parson’s, and the shop was closed for Molly forever. A chaise carried the two to a distant town, which for many years became a peaceful home for Molly. After these ff uiet y ears had passed the man whom AIoll y ^ad married died. His sickness had been long, and the little money which he had possessed had been spent, enough being left to give him a deeent urial. So Molly was to go in her old age back to Kinhope. As the carriage in which she rode slowly ascended the hill toward the comfortable looking white farmhouse, from the brow of which could be seen the hills lying about, and the pretty valleys between, with a mountain peak rising in the distance at the right, an old, old man, digging potatoes in the field, stopped his work and looked at the carriage coming up the road. While he had ; been working he sighed often, and there came to him the memory of a young man in the springtime of youth, and in tho spring time of the year go¬ ing home to claim a happy bride. It was fall now, leaves decaying, frost soon to come. When he looked at the carriage turning into the driveway, he thought: is this, “What potir man or woman w ho, like myself at tho end of life’s journey, comes here to the town?” poorhouse, to be taken care of by the Ho did not sen who alighted, nor hear the kind voice of the overseer’s wife UBk an old Woman if the journey had been bard. For this was the first journey Molly had taken in tho train, strangely enough. White, The overseer’s wife, Mrs. made her comfortable and then going to Mr. White, said: “How shall we tell old Ebon?” “Oh,” her husband answered easily, “we-will waif, and it will work about itself. ” Tho great bell rang for dinner. Those of the inmates who were able to work in the field left their labor and after washing themselves, sat down to the midday meal. Those who still pre¬ served any interest or curiosity con¬ cerning what passed on about them eyed the new comer curiously. Eben particularly felt himself looking again and again. Not that he knew of ever having seen her, hut he felt a pity that had never before been experienced when others bad come. Presently Mr. White said 1 “Eben, how did the potatoes seem in that patch this morning?" At the name the woman gave a start and looked at the old man addressed, but as the man answered she turned away again with a sigh, and the mo¬ mentary gleam of interest in her eyes passed away. ended, Mrs. White As the dinner said to the old woman : “Molly, if you are ready now, 3 •ou may pare those apples for sauce.” Eben went out saying to himself, “Molly, Molly,” and all the afternoon one could hear him muttering, ‘ ‘Molly, Molly.” Mrs. White During the afternoon took the occasion to say. “Molly, wasn’t your first husband's name Eben Eames?” As Molly answered: “Yes, it was ; he has been dead these many years,” one caught something of the old sweet¬ ness of tone, though it did quaver and crack. “Did you notice Mr. White spoke to a man, calling him Eben?” “Yes,” answered Molly, without much interest. , “This man once lived in Iiinhopa many years agc|, when he was young. ” Molly gave her whole attention now. “And,” continued Mrs. White, “af¬ ter living here 'several years, he went away, went to California, where it was afterwards reported he was dying. He di<T not die. After recovering, the luck he had been striving for did not come immediately, and determined not to return to his home and wife until he was rich, he remained until his am¬ bition was attained. In all this time he had not sent any news of himself but once, to his home, and that was immediately after his recovery from the illness. This news never reached his wife. He returned to Kinliope full of the thought of the bright future, to find his wife had leftKinhope, married again. We have often heard him say : ‘ ‘How could I have stayed away so long for money, money ; I was blind." But Molly had not heard the last sentence. With one gasp she had laid her head back and for the first time in her seventy-eight years of life, fainted. It had grown colder. Near the firo sat two old people at dusk. The man was saying: “When I found ye had married again, I felt that I was receivin’my judgment from God A’mighty for not bein’ con¬ tented with my lot when we was so happy together, and then I keered no more for the money I had made an’ gave it away. Yes, and threw it away, an’ when the war broke out, I listed hoping to die, but thank tho Lord he kep’ me for thi s last happinejp. Some time after the war I grew so feeble, an’ my money had nearly been lost in some spokelation, so I had to come here. ” And Molly, drawing her chair a littlo closer, laying her hand in his said just one word softly, full of quiet thankful¬ ness: “Eben.”—Yankee Blade. Giving a Bad Dose Skilfully. Heat your spoon in hot water, squeeze into it a few drops of orange juice, then pour ou the oil and add a few more drops of orange juice, if you wish to administer a doso of oil to a little patient skilfully and pleasantly. It would perhaps be just as well if no hint that medicine of any kind is dis¬ agreeable were made in the pres¬ ence of small folks, who often get their prejudices against it from the fuss and grimace made by their elders, who have to swallow a dose Many mothers must, I think, plead guilty to holding the medicine man and his mix¬ tures over little ones as a means of punishment when all else fails. In some families the policeman, in somo the doctor is the bugaboo, ready to pounce upon all kinds of infantine obstinacy.—New York Post. T* A Fortunate Catch ot Coyotes, jj r . Berberry, who resides in Chile* Valley, presented a claim be- fore the Board ^JWrvisors this mon tjj on acconr ,t 0 f n i ne coyote scalps. Mr. Rosebery’s capture beats the record. He set a trap and caught a female coyote, which before being taken out of the trap gave birth to eight little coyotes. He consequently got nine scalps instead of one, and will receive the county bounty of §5 for each scalp, or §45, besides the amount offered by the State.—Napa (Cal.) Registei With two except on*—Bavaria and Prussia—the State of New York covers more ground than all the German pria- cipalitieu. TELEGRAPHIC GLEANINGS. The News of the World Condensed Into Pithy and Pointed Paragraphs. Interesting and Instructive to All Classes of Readers. The Genessee Oil Works, limited, Friday. at Buffalo, N. Y., made an assignment The liabilities aro §300,000. Admissions to the world’s fair Sun¬ day were: Adults, 54,582 : children, 3,094; employes, exhibitors and other free admissions, 16,886; total, 74,612. The International Order of King’s Daughters and Sous met at Chicago Wednesday afternoon and inaugura¬ ted a conference as part of tho congress of moral and social reform. Charles W. Mosher, president of the wrecked Capital National bank of Lincoln, Neb., appeared Saturday in tho foderal court and plead guilty to falsifying tho books of the bank. The Exchange Banking Compay, of Weston, O., closed its doors Thursday. The hank had a run and was unable to got help. Tho directors have probably notified the depositors that they will receive dollar for dollar. The Citizens’ bank of Fairmount, Indiana, suspended ije operations Wed¬ nesday, owing to stringency in the money market e capital stock is §50,000; assets,§1!V1,000.91; liabilities from $130,000 to §150,000. Wednesday afternoon, while visiting tho World’s fair, Mrs. Lamont, wife of tho Secretary of War, was overcome by tho heat and overexertiou while in tho Midway Plaisahco and fell into a faint. Nothing serious is anticipated. The First National bank of Arkansas City, Ark., one of the oldest and gen¬ erally believed to be one of tho stron- gest financial institutions in tho south- west, failed to ope„n its doors Thursday morning. The deposits are said to bo §000,000. Tho Southern Railway and Steam- ship association concluded in session at New modifi- York Thursday, that schedules no for cation of the rates of transportation conld be made uiilil July 1st, when tho association will moot again at Manhattan beach. For the first time in tho history of the Hawaiian islands the Hawaiian national flag was floated over tho pal¬ ace on June 2d I’he formal occupn tion of tho palace by the provisional government and U > raising of the im- tional emblem over it is regarded by the annexationists generally and by many of the natives as a final blow to monarchy. A dispatch of Sunday from New York says: A modification of the Richmond Terminal plan has been made, so as to bring in tho East Ten¬ nessee, Virginia and Georgia equip¬ ment and improvement bond, thus giving the committee control of the East Tennessee system. The Cincin¬ nati extension bonds are now all that remain to be brought in. Defalcations aggreating §70,800 have been discovered in the Irving Savings institution, No. 9(5 Warren street, New York. The shortage was discovered by the state bank examin¬ ers, who are still at work on the books and will not complete their work of scrutinizing tho bank’s affairs for some time, as there are seventeen thousand individual accounts to investigate, besides the regular hank books. The Cunard Line steamer, Servia, which sailed from New York May 24th, for Liverpool, and arrived at Queens¬ town, Wednesday, reports that on June 7th, she ran, down the American ship, A. McOallum, Captain O’Brien, from London, April 28th from New York. The McOallum was so badly damaged that she filled and sank a short time after the accident. The Servia stood by and rescued twenty- four of those on board the sailing vessel. Advices of Thursday from St. Pe¬ tersburg, Russia, are to the effect that the Church of the Chudov Monastery, which is within tho walls of the Kremlin, was recently robbed of avast amount of plate, money and gems. The property and money taken amounted to between 2,500,000 and 3,000,000 roubles. All the monks be¬ longing to the monastery have been arrested. The search of cells occupied by the monks revealed that they had perpetrated the robbery. Judge Ricks, of tho United States circuit court at Cleveland, (),, has fixed tho date of trial of the most im¬ portant case on his docket. It is that brought against Chief P. M. Arthur, of the Brotherhood of Locomotive En¬ gineers, for § 200,000 damages for al¬ leged encouragement of the recent strike on the Ann Arbor road at To¬ ledo. A special assignment of tho case has been made for Monday, Sep¬ tember 18th. It will be heard at To¬ ledo before a special jury. The case lias provoked widespread discussion. Wednesday morning the bank of Aaron, Wilcox & Co., of Painesville, O., posted a notice on its doors that the bank had suspended temporarily, being unable to meet the run on it owing to the stMMsncy in the money paid market, in and full. tlflpHflepositors rsonal estate will bo of the stockholders is liable for the en¬ tire indebtedness, in all, amounting to several hundred thousand dollars. The bank is believed to be solvent. It was organized twenty-five considered years ago and had always been a sound institution. A Chicago special says: The body of Herman Schaffner, the banker who had been missing since the day his bank collapsed two weeks ago, was found floating in the lake Wednesday afternoon. It was brought to shore by a fisherman who was using a throw lino, tho hook of which caught ii clothing. Tho body was at dMj brought to shore aud fully identified by papers found upon it and by th< relatives of Mr. Sehaffuer. Nothin? lias boon hoard of the banker since tho day his establishment closed, olthough every effort had been made to find him. CROP BULLETIN. The Past Week a Favorable One in Many of the States. The weather crop bulletin, issued Tuesday from the Agricultural Depart¬ ment, says: The warm weather of tho lost week improved tho crops greatly and they are growing rapidly. The general woather has been good and several states report it tho most favor¬ able week of tho season Farmers aro more hopeful in tho west and in tho south Atlantio states Following are some special telegraphic reports: Mississippi—Nights oool for cotton, general conditions very favorable, crops very grassy, hut being cleaned rapidly; corn yellow in bottoms,season late and crops a little short. Louisiana —Week rather favorable to crops, froquont showers interfered with laying by of cane, but rice bone- fitted ; cotton shows improvement, somo blooms; corn silking aud tassell- mg, overflow of water falling Blowly in the extreme northeast and lands will bo placed in condition as early as practicable. cool for cotton, Texas—Nights too and prospects, plant irregular in size whilo good in somo sections, do not average so for the state. Corn in good condition, about laid by. Arkansas—Most of the corn laid by, cotton much improved and crops bo- ing rapidly cleaned, wheat being har¬ vested, yield good, oats heading and promise abundant crop, farmers more hopeful and encouraged, pushed Tennessee—Warfn, work Vigorously during the week, corn be- workod and looks well, early ftbout reft( jy to cut, clover and „ [; ruSHe8 i n splendid condition, barley • K t ’ cotton Bma n but improv- Kentucky—Most favorable week of tho season, wheat harvest about to commence, some complaint of rust, oft t H ftn d grasses fine, tobacco nearly gc t and looks well. Missouri—Most favorable week of tho season, work progressing finoly and the crop outlook improving daily. VUE SENTENCES QUASHED And the Ffliininu Canal Swindlers are Given their Freedom. Advices irom Paris state that con¬ siderable excitement has been caused by the decision of tho court of cessa¬ tion on tho appeal of Charles do Les- seps aud the other defendants convict¬ ed of fraud in connection with tho Panama Canal Company. The court liandod down its decision Thursday quashing tho sentences on the ground that tho statute of limitation oovered the offences charged and that the in¬ dictments on which the prisoners were charged were irregular. M. In consequence of this decision Eiffel was at onco liberated. M. Charles do Lesseps, who is in tho St. Louis hospital suffering with acute at¬ tacks of dyspepsia, was informed that ho was at liberty. He was too ill to leave the hospital. There wero iivo defendants convicted on the trial, which ended on February 9th last. There were Ferdinand do Lesseps, his son Charles, Marius Fontaine, Henri Cottu and Gustavus Eiffel. Ferdinand do Lesseps was sentenced to five years’ imprisonment and to pay a fine, M. Foutain was also notified of the reversal of his sentence and was at once given his liberty. In addition to the sentence of five years’ imprison- meht imposed upon M. Charles de Lesseps, he was sentenced at a later trial to serve a year for bribing certain members of the chamber to voto for tho Panama lottery bond bill. And thus ends one of the greatest criminal cases France has ever known, in which tho names of mon prominent in political and social life were badly smirched and which caused Baron do Reinacli to commit suicide and two or three others to flee tho country. Kl'led In n Wreck. One of the most disastrous accidents that ever happened on the Baltimore and Ohio railroad in West Virginia, occured on the Big Board Tree tun¬ nel, east of Cameron, Saturday morn¬ ing. Train No. 49, eastbound, collid¬ ed with freight train No. 92 westbound, while both wero going at a speed of thirty miles an hour. Engines aud cars were wrecked, being piled into the creek. Engineers Deal and Kinley, both of Wheeling; Fireman Clencher and two trainmen, whoso names are not known, were killed. The property loss will be heavy. The Contractor Condemned. Contractor George W. Dent was severely condemned by the evidence given Saturday at the coroner’s in¬ quest over the remains of the Ford’s theater victims, olthough some of those who gave testimony against his methods, spoke highly of his ability os a practical mechanic and bricklayer. The United States government also came in for its share of condemnation for its methods of doing the work of construction. testified that tho Several best expert contract wiiyrter, " ^ not care to do work for merit. Mritrgn to < uni jniic lljHB A \< w York special dire^H meeting J the board .if the decide,1 Ifni.in that m niiniiry, < A. Griggs, Thursdayt^H I > . continue his work in the dcpHHH Tsl of Biblical theology as hitherto. directors also decided that special pro-j visions should be made so that none of the students of Union seminary will suffer from the restrictions which have been put upon tho board of education. If fun. !* Eketchks Is from SOURCES. *glon—A Wily Suitor— fair- A Drfl ill Ion— pm Inco, Weeds—V*lua- t Etc., Etc. J* own praise will sing t he only sees I 1th in tho everything “I” disease. —Truth. VERS FROM WEEDS. Pi is—“Do widows’ woods over bloom] Sard! sue—“Certainly. They pro- duce 0 ;o blossoms."—Vogue. ALITABLE ASSISTANCE. Hunt I—“What prompted you to ask Mi •tiddey to be your wife?" Hpatil “I think Miss Giddoy hcr- self pi\ ted mo moro than anybody elso. Sick A definition. Will* (kit—“How would you dc- Horibe t> Inic?” Phil <i tor—“A cynic is a man who lias an ’ Inrociprocatod affection for himself . 1 r Fuck. IN VANITY FAIR, te— “•¥ ft married of course. the debutan- And the wee ft£her Hfnopcs father failed.” nipped in were tj) Hu f SUITOR. been to tho beauty si It her)— “No. That’s why call out.)—Chicago Rec- (T e ord. EXACT BOIENOK. Snipper—“Do you consider modi cine an exact science?” Tipper— ‘ ‘Certainly I’ve noticed that physicians exact large amounts for their services.’’—Detroit Free Press. A DELICATE ATTENTION. Stranger—“Did you tell Miss Pen¬ stock how pleased I was with the silk traveling cap she sent me?” Bingerly—“Yes, and she said she hoped you would have ocoasion to use it often.”—Judge. A FIT sIbSTITUTE. “Do you think Travel broadens the mind?” asked Barker at tho club. “It depends on the mind," replied Warren. “I think a glove-stretcher would do quite as well for Chappie Bronson’s, for instance.” HE MUST BE. Cross—“Did you over write any peotry?” Squeery—“Yes; somo." Cross—“What for?” Squeery—“Oh, just to kill time,” Cross— ‘ ‘Is he dead ?”—Puck. A COLLEAGUE, “In short, X. is a great personage. Suppose I address him; ‘My honored master?’ ” “Nonsense! n scamp like that 1 ” “Say, what would you put?” * 'I should simply writo: ‘My dear colleague. ’ ” ALREADY PUNISHED. Smith—“I met a man to-day who told me I looked like you. ” Jonee (fiercely)—"Who was it? If I find him I’ll knock him down. ” can Smith (calmly) — “Don’t trouble yourself; I knocked him down at once.”—Life. don’t expose your ignorance. Mrs. Meadow (at city hotel)—"Ooo ! There’s fly in this soup. ” a ; Mr. Meadow (who has traveled some) —“Hush, Miranda, don’t speak so loud. No use exposin’our ignorance, This bill of fare is in French, and mebby we ordered fly soup.”—Life. A SQUARE MEAL. “What do you want?” sho asked through a email opening in tho door- wa ? I’m lookin’ fur a square meal." “Well,” she replied, with a gesture toward the wood pile, “supposo yon begin with a chop.”—Washington Star. valued the dog. Primus—“Jobson and Hobson aro next door enemies. Yesterday Job- son’s dog bit Hobson. ” Hecundus—“What did Hobson do about it?” Primus—“Went off to the Pasteur Institute and found Jobson there hav¬ ing tho dog inoculated.’’—Life. TIMING ITS FLIGHT. “There’s another revolution on foot,” said the wife of the South American historian. “You don’t say so !” exclaimed the scholar “I must hurry and get a stop watch.” “What for?” na. it. if, ’ Washing- n o l o- S IT to you, Mr. Cftppht the blushing NO. 25. girl, with eyes downcast, “Yon aro only trifling, and—and, besides it is getting late." “Please hear out, Miss Helen! 1 ’ mo pleaded the infatuated young reporter. “I’ll cut, it down to 250 words 1"— Chicago Tribune. MISTAKE IN THE DIAGNOSIS. Patient (looking at tho prescription! — “Doctor, couldn't you just as well stop in at tho drug store youself, have this filled aud send the stuff to mo by your office boy?” Doctor (taking bnok the proscription and writing another)—“I see I have made a mistake Yon don’t need any nerve medicine.”—Chicago Tribune WOULD HAVE NO SECRET FROM HIM. Wife—“Have you any secrets you keep from me, dearest?” Husband—“None, darling.” will Wife—“Then I am determined I have none from you either,” Husband— “You have secrets, then ?” Wife—“Only one, and Iamrosolved to make a clean breast of it. ” Husband—(hoarsely)“Go on." Wife—“For several days I have had a secret—a seoret longing for a new suit with hat to match.”—New York Press. WHY HE DIDN’T SHOOT. A Cass avenue man, with a wife who has her own ways about doing things, catches her now and then. “My dear,” ho said the other morn¬ ing, as ho was dressing, “I think you were right when you told me last night there were burglars in the house.” “Why?” she asked nervously. “Because all the money that was in my pockets when I went to bed is gone. ” “Well, ” she said, with an I-told-you- so air, “if you had been brave and got up aud shot the wretch you would have had your money this morning. ” “Possibly, my dear, possibly,” he said gingerly, “but I would have been a widower. ” She laughed softly then and gave half of it buck to him. —Detroit Free Press. A GODDESS OF LIBERTY. Ambitious Girl—“I am not satisfied to ho dependent on my father for every cent I need. I wish to be inde¬ pendent.” Mother—"Should earning you go to your own living, you would have to be the obedient servant of any em¬ ployer you might have, always at his beck and call, always ready to do the bidding of your superiors, and hav¬ ing no) an liotw you could call your own.” “That would be horrible. I want to be independent of pa, but I’ll call no man mnstor, and I shall want my own way in everything. ” “That’s easy. Get married.”—New York Weekly. THE LANDLORD KNOCKED OUT ELI. The great complaint of all the lec¬ turers, said Eli Perkins, is about poor hotels, but I made up my mind fifteen years ago that I would never find any fault with a liofrji. One day, down in Tennessee, I broke over my rule. The feed was had and everybody was grumb¬ ling. After paying for my dinner, I said to the landlord : “That’s nice food on the table thero!” “What’s the matter with that food?” “Why, it’s terrible. Those lamb chops are tough enough to break a man’s teeth.” “What lamb chops?” asked the land¬ lord with an alarming earnestness. “Why, those lamb chops over there t” pointing to the middle of the table. “And you’re been eatin’ ’em?” “Tried to.” “Why, heavens, man, those are not lamb chops, they are terra cotta orna¬ ments for the table, and you’ve Well— gone and oaten half of ’em up! well—” But I nover heard tho end of the sen¬ tence.—Hotel World. YOU can’t BELIEVE THE NEWSPAPERS. “Some years ago,” said the man, aud who might have been untruthful might not. “I was in a small town in New York State where Chauneey Depew was hilled to make a speech that night, and it happened I stopped at the same hotel he did. Just after supper the editor of tho local paper dropped distinguished in to SCO Mr. Depow, and the gentleman proceeded to have some fun with the country journalist. He had, too, and every now and then he rounded up a sentence against tho editor by saying ‘Oh, you can’t believe every¬ thing there is in the newspapers,’ the editor having used newspaper matter very largely in his argument. “After the speech-making Depew in was the hotel over the editor met Mr. office again and there was a big crowd present. ‘Well, friend,’ inquired the “ my genial Chauneey, ‘what did you think of my speech?’ hesitated moment. “The editor a • “Are you,’ he asked solemnly, 'the genuine Chauneey M. Depew?’ laughed “‘Certainly. Why not? - Mr. Depew. that all the “ ‘Are you the one news¬ papers have been saying was the finest speaker, the greatest talker, the sharp¬ est stumper, the brightest wit before the public?’ pursued the editor. Ota ‘I guess I’m the one,’ blushed the t'lpman. Why?’ can’t believe /Oh, because is you in the /ything there? newspapers, Chauneey shook hands with the ditor and called it square.”—Detroit p ree Press. Senator Stanford, of California, has a vineyard of 3500 acres, the largest, it is said, in this country. It costs the State of Delaware §100.- 000 ft yeur to support her Government.