Newspaper Page Text
THE
A Live Weakly Paper on Live Issues
Published Every Friday Morning,
at Crawfordville, Ga.
W • D- SULLIV AN, Proprietor
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTTOX:
Single Single Copy, Copy, (one year,) . . . S 2 00
Single Copy, (six months,) . . 1 00
(three months,) . . 50
and «F* JOB Advertising PRINTING rates liberal. BOOK
to suit the times. a specialty. Prices
A Villian Caged.
Some weeks ago the Atlanta Constitu¬
tion contained an article which stated
that a passenger train on the Western
and Atlantic railroad came very near
being thrown from the track near Big
Shanty, by the placing of a number of
cross-ties across the track by some
malicious person or persons. A few
days after publication of the article,
another train was impeded in its pro¬
gress in a similar manner. With a view
to briuguig the guilty party before the
courts, Gen. W m. McRae employed
Detective W. L. Jones, jf the police
force, one of the most skillful detectives
in the state to work up the case__
Detective Jones left for Big Shanty on
Wednesday last and at once commenced
working up the case. He found suf¬
ficient evidence to warrant the arrest of
Horace Mathews, a negro boy about
eighteen years of age, who was at work
on Mr. Wards’ farm about three miles
in the country. The negro upon being
questioned, pretty clearly admitted his
guilt, and stated that he had placed the
cross-ties on the track to witness the
sport of seeing the engines knock them
off as they came along. He said that
he did not see any harm in placing them
there tbem’from as the locomotives could throw
the. track much more easily
than ti.cr they could 7 tumble „ a cow. tt lie
seemed to be perfectly ignorant of the
fact that he had committed any crime
by placing the obstacle in the way of the
passing trains. He was carried by
Detective Jones to Big Shanty, and a
dispatch sent to Gen. McRae, informing
him of the arrest of Horace Mathews
and , the ,, admission , . . , by him that he had
committed the crime. An answer was
received by Detective Jones to tako his
prisoner before a justice of the peace
and have him tried for the offense of
committing a felony. The prisoner was
carried before Justice Kennedy, and
upon being accused plead guilty. He
was then brought by Detective Jones to
Marietta, where he was remanded to
await trial. Sheriff Pink Stevens holds
the key of the cell containing Mathews
until a trial is had.
__.. 4 ^ 4 tackad bv Wr V
The.‘'i ('lord (Minn.) say* ;
“About 10 o’clock last Saturday night,
as Mr. Miner, of the town of I,angola,
Benton County, was driving from his
own house to Mr. Morrill’s, having
with him his wife and three children, he
was attacked by five large timber wolves.
The fierce beasts sprang at his horses,
and when Air. Miner struck at the
nearest one with his whip it made a leap
to get at him, but struck against the
wagon box. At this moment Mr.
Miner’s dog bravely attacked this wolf,
and was set upon by the whole pack and
killed, and almost devoured. This gave
Mr. Miner an opportunity to whip up
bis horse and make off, which lie did at
a full gallop, calling out loudly for help.
His cries attracted the attention of Mr.
Jocelyn and family, who came to the
rescue, and the wolves were driven off.
But for the fortunate interference of the
dog, the result might have been much
more serious. An attack of this kind
by wolves is almost without precedent in
this part of the State, and it must be
that the animals were driven to it by
ravenous hunger.
A corpse startled the watchers at the
Home of the Little Sisters of the gpor in
Richmond, Ya., one night last week. An
inmate. Mrs. Ililliz, had died and the
corpse had been laid out in the parlor of the
institution. At midnight, as the Sisters
were watching by the bier, the sunken eyes
appeared to flash, the blood came back to
the faded cheek, and, a3 though imbued
with superhuman energy, the dead body
arose from its resting place, which was
draped with black pall. The watchers
6tare<l at one another and were overwhelm¬
ed with horror and awe. The risen corpse
quietly shook herself, and remarked, “I am
not dead yet, but I shall die soon.” The
Sisters, after recovering from their con¬
sternation, undressed the lady and put her
to bed. She became conscious, and, after
lingering until AVednesday, died again.
A horrible murder was perpetrated in
Kansas City, Mo., about 2 a. m. Tues¬
day. Neighbors were aroused by pistol
shots and flames issuing from the house
of Theodore Haltenback, end when the
fire was extinguished Mrs. Haltenback
was found on the bed with her head
crushed in and her limbs burned to a
crisp, Mr. Haltenback in the kitchen
with a bullet hole in hi3 head and the
back of his skull crushed in with an
axe, and their little girl, eight years old,
lying out of doors insensible and at the
point of death. The murderer is un¬
known.
A clegvman was once forced to sav to
a congregation which persisted in de
positing buttons in the contribution
box: “Brethen who wish to con¬
tribute buttons, will please not hammer
down the eyes, for, while that process
does not increase their value as coin, it
does impair their usefulness as buttons.* 4
The Democrat.
Mol. 2.
POETRY.
Hope 1
Hope is life, and we who living
Have no hope, are as the dead,
Who in gloomy graves are sleeping.
While the sun shines bright o'er head,
’Tis the source of all ambition,
'Tis the life of every scheme,
In it we see the future
Of every prospect, every dream,
Hope will cheer the broken-hearted,
% Soothing sorrow, euring pain,
’Tis the star of friends wiicn parted,
For in it they meet again.
It is that which laakes the future
Seem a pathway bright and fair ;
Lifting oft poor weary mortals
From the depths of woe and care,
Hope is God’s great gift from Heaven !
Radiance trom a higher sphere ;
Priceless boon, in mercy given,
Helping us to do and bear.
MISCELLANEOUS.
A TEMPTATION.
George Miles sat at his desk in the count
ing-room busily casting up the columns of
figures that iay before him. lie had been
< H* cba * , 8 e d f rom his former situation nearly
* 3*" before, owing to the pressure,of the
times; and, for a long time could find no
work unH1| fortunately, he obtained his
present position, which he had held for
about three months. During bis enforced
idleness he had been obliged to run into
debt over fifty dollars, and, as his wages
110w barci >' P aid hi8 expenses, he saw no
way t0 free himse,f fro, “ the encumbrance.
disliked a extrefffeiy to be under “"T’i obligations aQl1
toa „ y one, consequently'the thought that
he was in debt worried him continually,
As he sat there at work the door opened
and • little old man entered the room,
“Good morning!” said George, cour¬
teously, looking up. “Anything 1 can d*
for you ?”
“Is Mr. Osgood in?” inquired the visitor,
in a tliin, squeaking tone that corresponded
perfectly with his stature.
“My employer Is out of town this morn¬
ing.” replied Rje clerk; “but I transact
business in his absence.”
"Be you Ms bookkeeper 7”
“Yes, sir.”
C IU« ° ji'xus* in ! J
TT“» * f [Mj- • ic tuoany Vve r>eki>
him?”
“Certainly.”
“My name's Blair; Bill Blair,” said the
old man, as he walked up to the desk.
“Ye see, 1 got trusted for goods and
things up to about seventy-five dollars,
more’n a year ago; an’ I s’pose Osgood has
about gin up ever gettin’ his pay. Ye see
he couldn’t ’a got it if he’d tried, for I
didn’t have the money. But it was an
honest debt, an' I’ve allers meant to pay it;
an' now I’ve got the money I’m goin! to !
Seventy-five dollars an’ a half!” and he
laid the money upon the desk.
The clerk wrote him a receipt, and, care¬
fully placing it in iiis pocket-book with an
air of satisfaction, Mr. Blair took his leave.
George sighed as he placed the money in his
pocket. Probably liis creditors would have
to wait longer than liis employer had waited
for this money ! How he longed for the
time when he could walk the street with
head erect, not fearing to lift liis eyes lest
Ue should see a creditor !
During tlie afternoon his employer came
in. Mr. Osgood was a pleasant, jovial man,
easy-going and generous, but thoughtless.
He could get plenty of clerks for the wages
he paid George, and it had never occurred
to him that George might experience any
difficulty in getting along.
"Any callers ?” lie inquired, as he took
a chair by the stov e.
“A few. A Mr. Blair was in for a few
moments this morning.’’
“Was he ?” said his employer, carelessly.
“I see him about every week. He’s been
owing me seventy-five dollars for over a
year. He keeps saying he’s going to pay it
just as soon as lie gets the money. But he’ll
never get tlie money, I’m afraid. If he
does, he’ll pay. He’s honest enough.
That’s why I’m so easy with him. I say
Miles,” he exclaimed, half jocosely, “What
will you give me for that note ? Chance
for a speculation !”
“Where does he live ?’’ inquired George.
“In that little house opposite the machine
shop.”
A wild idea flashed through the mind of
the clerk. His employer had asked him
to buy the note. He would probably dis¬
count considerably from its face ! and here
the note was already paid, and the money
in his pocket! The suddenness of the temp¬
tation blinded him. He did not see the
wrong he would be doing ; he only saw a
means of clearing himself from debt.
“AYhat will you take for it?” he asked
quietly, veiling his eagerness.
“O, fudge !” Iauged Mr. Osgood. “That
was only my nonsense. I wouldn’t advise
you to risk your money ! But I’ll sell the
note to anybody for twenty-five dollars.”
“You say he is honest, but hasn’t the
money ?” said the clerk, thinking it would
be best not to seem too eager.
“Yes, honest enough ! Think you’ll in¬
vest, Miles?”
“Yes, I believe I'll risk it. I guess I
shall get back my money sometime. I’ll
pay you to-morrow, if you say it is a bar
szain.”
He did not wish his employer to see the
roll of bills, or he would have paid him on
the spot; for he knew he would have to pay
it from this money, as he had not ten dollars
t0 kjs nam p Mr. Osgood laughingly made
over to him the note, and soon after left the
store, without once thinking to inquire for
Georgi , May 24, 1878. In o. 21.
what reason Blair had called. As he passed
along the street he chance to meet Blair
himself.
“Ah! How do . you do?” . „,, said ., the
chant, pleasantly.
“Pretty well!’’ was the reply. “I feel
better than I have for a year; for I can
look ye in the face without feeling I’m
owin’ye. Ye see, I got into the
shop, an’got pretty good wages, an’jest as
soon as I got money enough saved, 1 says
tomyseif '1 11 clear off that old debt that
Osgood has agin me. I s sposc your
young man told ye I dropped m an’ paid
receipt!*"* “*" “ 0niing I H * CaV ° mC a
The truth. ffash’U *, V er Mr. Osgood’s
mind.
“I was in tile office only for a few mo
ments, to-day,” he said. “And •
didn’t speak of it. However, I’m glad
are straight once more.”
The merchant was in an unpleasant state
of mind as he walked home. So his clerk
had cheated him; coolly and deliberately
swindled him out of fifty dollars! He
could see the whole game now. In a day
or two Miles would have come in with a
smiling face to his work, and say that he
induced Blair to pay the note. Scoun¬
drel ! And he had placed perfect confi¬
dence in him. Well, Miles could have the
pleasure of giving up the money and
losing his situation. Perhaps he thought
it paid to cheat his employer ; but
possibly liis views on that subject would
be changed on the following day. Mr.
Osgood was very indignant, and justly so.
That evening, while the merchant was
vainly endeavoring to crowd this affair
from his mind, and trying to fix his atten
tion on the paper, t'-re came a ring at the
door-bell, and sic tly after the servant
ushered the cJerk into the presence of his
employer. The latter, by a strong effort,
controlled his feelings, and greeted him as
pleasantly as he cbuld, directing him to bo
seated, curious to know what had brought
him there at that time.
“Shall we bo alone?” asked the clerk,
soberly.
“Yes, sir.”
“Then, sir, I will disclose my errand
hero.” said he nervously. “For about nine
months Iwfore you engaged me I was out
of employment, and after spending all my
money was obliged to borrow money at
different times, amounting in all to over
fifty dollars, in older to gfrt along. Since
then I haye been able to save very little,
and the debt has been on my mind con¬
stantly. I csuhl not bgAT.toJMxJaUaUad jo
rug • n y.oTi it. Tt •■/s mnrnmfi Mr. mair caina^m
and paid his note. This afternoon I com¬
menced to tell you of the fact, and was
about to hand you the money, when you
told me of his note, and how you did not
expect ever to he paid. Then you asked
me what I would give for the note. I knew
you meant it for a jest, but I was tempted.
In an instant 1 saw how l could manage It,
and I yielded 1 bought the note, of you,
when l had the seventy-five dollars and a
half in my pocket, ttiat belonged to you by
right! But when I was alone, and thought
it all over, I began to realize what I had
done.
“I think I never did anything deliberately
mean or dishonest before, and I saw this
was dishonest, for I had cheated you out
of fifty dollars. I took out the money and
counted it over, but it did not satisfy me.
It came over me more and more that I could
not keep it; that 1 must undo the wrong I
had done [ that the knowledge of having
cheated you would bo more unendurable
than being in debt. It was to clear up the
debt that I wanted the money. *
“Then I began to pian now to set the
matter right. The idea came to my head
to make over the note to you in the morn¬
ing, pretending that I dared not risk my
money on it; and in a day or two, give you
your money as if it had just been paid.
But I saw that such a course would lead
me deeper and deeper into deceit, and after
much unhappy thinking, concluded to tell
you the whole, as I have done. Of course
I do not expect to remain in your employ
any longer; and I cannot ask you for a re¬
commendation ; but it will be my own fault.
Here is the money. Good night, sir, and
good-by.’’ And he turned toward the door.
“Hold, George !” exclaimed Mr. Osgood,
with some emotion. “Gome back here and
sit down. I’ve got something to say to
you.”
He obeyed, wondering.
“You did wrong, George,” continued his
employer, kindly, all hisj resentment hav¬
ing vanished. “But I presume you would
not have done so bad I not unconsciously
tempted you. You have given me the
money and disclosed the whole affair, ex¬
pecting to lose your situation and thereby
your means of living. The fact of your
confessing it so soon strengthens my con¬
fidence in you. On my way home this
afternoon 1 discovered that the note had
been paid to you, and had fully decided to
discharge you in disgrace to-morrow, and
should have done so had you not done as vou
have this evening. Take your place in the
counting-room as usual. Your salary shall
be made sufficient for your needs.
The clerk's heart was light again as he
walked home. The merchant kept his
word; the increase of salary enabled George
to pay his debt speedily But he never
desired to repeat the experiment of appro
priating another man's money for his own
uce<u '
Spring.—Our term3 for publishing
original poetry arc as follows :
Very good—Gratis.
Medium—Ten cents per line :
Common—Twenty cents per line.
Bad—Not at any price.
Verybad—- In advertising columns at
card rates.— N. 0. Times.
Wasn ! %at Kind of a “Feeder.”
“Fet oa^ anted here!” It was only
the card Ji. aVb printer inscribed on a
S, .__,. P 11 on 1 . T But , , . he didn ...... t take
'
'*• ’'\m^%ie wasn't a printer. lie
bad neve I bbed nor slugged. He bad
never eTrl v pied.” The hour was 2 p.
in., am. iiT no breakfast had looked
him in Wx. f .ce--The hinges of the
knees th»*,: «i-d to buckle on him. He
h;id ne A rieC stays for his waist, but
f j .Aopaeh, ’ and still it asked
,
' % fto
- W- a feeder, do ye?” he
>n it"v • -e looked at the card.
“jli.* < V lay-out is here?
y«- ’yL ’•think ye’ll want me
^ ™ u* l «l ’ All this while ascending
the rear -h. Once at the top, he
looked : ’ e was a whirl, a rattler,
but nff, .» of cookery. lie was
sbar P vR) d ” he had gone to rest
•
with a .v , -t of “sniffsbut i^fwas
played now. This place wnore a
feeder w h 1 badly wanted was sniffless.
“Well,said the laconic inmate.
who gets " regular meals, and don’t
■
know ths ’s a favored son of fortune.
“Well, e : *’
“I un stand you want a feeder
here,” fa y remarked the climber.
“We <*>•
“Ah I”
“Did ’• , ‘ver feed a press ?”
“If tb’ '“ss would just as lief, and
could wn d like to press a feed.”
“Giles' ■ > don’t understand the bus¬
iness.”
“What business? Feeding? Jist
try me oi, .
“Look that pile of pap r,” said tiio
expert,
“Could >u feed that through the
press ?” i
“Ami i : 15 all there is in, aye ?”
“That*
“It’sby ! o ned thin.”
“Yes. '-thin work; but I guess
she’ll sji’v 1 ' 'mu.”
“I’d P - snatched by wit¬
e somo
tlesmlll,’ he Climber. “Good day;
but ye vu «< f made that keerd say
whet her ■ u or wittles you wanted
a fccdS '
....-si-. f »
♦r-R ,r WanWf
-' •j> lug to me.
Why a oi „ alw uss turns around three
times before he lies clown ?
Why a hots alwus? gits up from the
ground on h s f( ward feet fust ?
Why a tow alwuss gits up from the
ground on Her hind feet fust ?
Wfiy, when a man gits lost in the
woods or on the plains, lie alwuss walks
in a circle ?
Why a gtite stands fust on one leg and
then on tutlier ?
Why Rabbits have short tails and
kats have Jong ones ?
Why most of birds build thier nests
out of different materials ?
Why a hen alwuss knows her little
ones from another’s, and why she will
hatch out twelve duck eggs and think
they are her own chickens ?
Why a bear alwuss klimbs down a tree
backwards!
Why a turkey's egg is speckled and a
duck’s egg blue ?
Whether a log floats faster in a river
than the current runs 'or not ?
Why an oyster and a klam are the only
things that I know ov with animal life
that don’t have to move out of their
places to git a living ?
Why a mules bones are all solid, and
their ears tqyee as long as a horse’s ?
Why a pig gathers straws in his mouth
and runs with them just before a rain
storrn ?
AVhy lightning wus never known to
strike a beech tree ?
AVhy males among the feathered race
do all the singing ?
AVhy nature lyjR allow one cross be¬
tween sum animals and then atyow no
more ?
AVhy the black snaik is the only snaik
in the country that can klimb a tree ?
A new “humorist” with a bad tern
per, has come to the front, and sends a
St. Louis publisher the following caustic
composition:
“Der sur—i want yu two stop mi
peper i hev pade two mutch already, end
yu dont giv us eny furiy eyteras yu ar
a n the tyrne riting up pollyticksend wat
yu no abot pollyticks woodent fii a flees
car Yur a pritt suker tu 'edet a
^ P s . f!kratch Tn y nemo of
your vour list 1181 yurstrewiy vnrs trewlv
John Potk.”
--- «. ----
A d . wr] dc ted wifc , whose
1,lsJ ® nf ia< go a joo on a c . ar
cavation, explained Ins absence by say- ^
mg he ivi had gone to , AVheeung. ,,,,
Yes, brother journalists, there will be
a time when religious societies will not
expect seven dollars worth of gratuitous
advertising in return for a ticket en¬
titling the bearer to a chance in a rafle
for a ninety-cenfc hair brush.—Cum
mimj Baptist*
POETRY.
-- T»~
Nobody.
.
if nobody’s noticed you, you must be small,
If nobody’s slighted you, you must be tall;
If nobody's bowed to you you must be low,
If nobody’s kissed you, you’re ugly we
know.
If nobody’s called you a fool to your face.
Somebody’s wished for your back in its
place;
If nobody’s called you a “tyrant" or
“scold"
So»*body thinks you of spiritless mould.
nobody knows of your faults lmt a friend
Nobody, will miss them at the world’s end;
If nobody clings ta your purse like a fawn,
Nobody’ll run lifce a hound when its gone.
*
i f no body's eaten his bread from your store,
Nobody’ll call you a miscrl/Wo; .
if nobody’s Mred you-here is our pen,
Sign yourself “Sobody” quick as you can.
___
-
MISCELLANEOUS
=
Dr. R. U. Palmer in the Seale Jail,
Columbus Enpmrer-Sun.
Monday, about 5 j». to., according to
the statement of Messrs. Henry Benton
and David Kent, Dr. R. U. Palmer was
anasted by them, five or six miles from
the city on the road leading from this
place to Little Uehee creek. This was
about one-half mile from the home of
Palmer’s father. These parties had
lieen to this city and were on their way
homo. They went out of their way as
they stated, by going tlio Little Uehee
road, expecting that Palmer might be
seen in their journey. Palmer had just
gotten over a fence into the road when
they discovered him about twenty or
thirty steps ahead of them. They were
riding together in a buggy and he went
diagonally from them across the road.
Still he had not discovered them, as
they stated, because they were riding
at the time through sand. Mr. Benton
jumped from the buggy, and, with pistol
in hand, ran toward Palmer who dis¬
covered him (Bouton) just before he got
to him. Palmer turned and motioned
as if he were going to draw his pistol.
Benton ordered him to throw the pistol
•q vpi tyrv A V " nf*. T* ‘Tnvi’
then being usked if he had any
other weapon, Uiaioe poaaenami ,»
knife. Palmer told them that lie would
do anything they would say, and claimed
tlieir protection. They took him be¬
tween them upon the seat of tlieir bug¬
gy, wiliiout binding liis hands, and car¬
ried him to Sheriff Alexander, at Seale,
Russell county, and there he was locked
in jail. They reached Seale about nine
o’clock. Messrs. Benton and Kent,
both, we believe, residents of Crawford,
were in the city yesterday.
Palmer we are infoimed, still wears
the suit of clothes in which lie was at¬
tired when ho murdered Colonel Salis¬
bury. He looks thin and haggard. He
says that he left Seale on the night
the murder took place, immediately af¬
terward, and walked to Ills father’s
house in Russell a distance of about
twelve miles, and lias been there ever
since. He says iie saw parties from this
place looking for him about his father’s
house, and during the whole time he
was in said house. He is not so com¬
municative upon the bloody crime itself
as upon circumstances growing out of
it.
This arrest lias caused a great deal of
comment. It was discussed fully on
our streets in every conceivable light.
Don’t.
Don’t judge a man by the clothes he
wears. God made one and the tailor
the other.
Don't judge him by liis family connec¬
tions, for Gain belonged to a very good
family.
Don’t judge a man by his failure In
life for many a man fails because he is
too honest to succeed.
Don’t judge him by his speech, for
tlie parrot talks, and tho tongue is but
an instrument of sound.
Don’t judge a man by the house he
jives in for the lizzard and rat often
j n habit the grandest structures.
Don’t judge him bv his activity in
church affairs, for that is not unfrequent
jy inspired by hypocritical arid selfish
motives.
Don’t judge him by his lack of display
f or the long-eared beast is the humblest
0 f animals, but when aroused is terrible
t o behold.
Don iim t t i.,k«i take it it frr for frr'iritf.ri granted that that Vko-oikia because
he carries the contribution box he is lib
eral ; he often pays the Lord in that
way; and keeps the c urrency.
-------*—— -m- -
An exchange " has a long 8 and carefully
written article intended . . , to prove that
rum is a “slow poison.” The writer will
have the sincere thanks of thousands of
readers—thousands who will bo glad to
hear that the poison is slow. But it is
sure.
“I am on the trail of a dear,” said a
Columbus young man, as he stepped on
a lady’s dress.
tis. *
ADVERTISING RATES :
One Square, first insert k>n 5 1
One Square, each subsequent insertion. 71
One Square, three months 10 00
One Square, twelve months . 15 00
Quarter Column, twelvemonth* twelve months , . 20 00
Half Column GO 00
One Column twelve months . 100 00
t3T One Inch or Less considered as A
square. We have no fractions of a square,
all fractions of squares will be counted at
squares. Liberal deductions made on Con*
tract Advertising.
Very Obtuse Witness.
Thackery has been police reporting for
the London Diogevts. Here is a sample:
Pat Fogartjwvent all the way from Man¬
chester to London to thrash Mike Fitz¬
patrick, which he did, winding up the
performance with the assistance of an
“awful horse-slioe ” He was detected, and
brought before Justice Simpleman. A
part of the examination is annexed :
Court—“Well, sir, you came hero from
Manchester, did you?"
Pat—“Your honor has answered cor¬
rect. ’*
Court—“You see the complainant’s head)
it was cut by a sharp instrument. Do you;
know what cut it
Pat-“Ain't your honor afther snyln’
that a sharp instrument did?’’
‘Court (becoming restive)—“I see you
"■“» to equivocate Now sir, you cut
that head ; you came here to do It, did yon
not ? Now, sir, what motive brought you
,™ be locomotIve yer honor .“
.
Court (waxing warm)—“Equivocating
again, you scoundrel, (rasing up the horse
shoe and holding it before Pat): do you sea
this horse-shoe, sir?’’
Pat—"Is it a horse-shoe, yer honor?"
Court—"Don'tyou see it Is, sir? Are
you blind? Can you not tell at once that
it is a horse-shoe?"
Pat—“Bedad, no yer honor."
Court (angrily)—“No?
Pat—“No, yer honor, but can yerself
tell?”
Court—“Of course I can, you stupid
Irishman.”
Pat (soliloquizing aloud)—“Oil, glory be
to goodness, see what education is, yer
honor! Sure a poor ignorant creature like
myself wouldn’t know a horse-shoe from
mare's.”
No More Questions for Him.
The Rev. Dr. Ritchie, of Rochester
although a very clever man, has met his
match. When examining a student .as
to the classes lie had attended, ho said :
“And you attended this class for
mathematics ?”
“Yes.”
“How many sides has a circle ?”
“Two,” said the student.
“What are they V”
What a laugh in the class the stu¬
dent’s answer produced when lie said :
An inside and an outside.”
nu>. was -eunng compared v\nn
: vdiat followed. The doctor having said
' f >.V A '"lent
y” 11 attended the philosophy
class also ?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you, would hear lectures on
subjects. Did you over hoar one on
cause and cffoct ?”
“Yes.”
“Does any effect ever go before a
cause ?”
“Yes.”
“Give mo an instance.”
“A man wheeling a barrow.”
The doctor then sat down and pro¬
posed no more questions.
Tiiey were in the beli-tower of the city
hall yesterday, and she leaned her
yellow-haired head on his agricultural
shoulders and listened to the mighty
“tick ! tack! tie.k” of the big clock.
“AVe don’t want such a big clock as
that, do we darling ?” she whispered.
“No, my little daisy,” lie answered,
as he hugged her a little closer ; “I kin
buy a clock for two dollars which’ll run
three days to this clock’s two. i’vo got
her picked out already !”
“We’ll lie very, very happy !” she
“You bet we will! I’ve figured it
right down flue, and I believe we can
live on twelve eggs, one pound of sugar,
ten pounds of flour and one pound of
butter.”
“And you’ll have a bank account ?”
she pleaded.
“I will, even if I have to buy a second¬
hand one ?”
“And will we keep a coachman ?”
“Yes.”
“And have a piano ?”
“Yes, darling.”
“And I can have some square pillows
with shams on them ?”
"'leu, my tulip—-yes. ’ well sham
,,ver y durned thing fromi cellar to garret;
have the front door painted blue, and
but less go’n look at somo second
hand cookstoves!”
^ ,llnnK sorr,,: P'diod of Mr. Randolph
P 0,itical career, he had the ill-fortune to
offend a coxcombish young fellow, who
determined to avenge himself by insult
ing the Roanoke orator on the first op
portijnity F J that occurred. At length the
oPPOrt'mffy cd lt.’e hen ..
>pies* n ic
- voun k' s l ,lln K> meeting. imopi on
" P
impudently, and Said.
“I never give tiie way to a damned
rascal. ,,
Mr. Randolph, immediately pulling off
liis hat and making tlie gentleman a low
bow replied ;
“AVell sir J always do, and gave him
the pavement.”
Josh Billings; “A baby is a neees
sity, but twins alwuss did seem to me to
be of a speculative nature. M