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VOL. III.—NO. 38. C|c pmilton Visitor D. W. D. BOULLY, Proprietor* .[CASH SUBSCRIPTION RATES. One ropy on? ye- $2 00 One ropy six m: n J hi 1 00 One -opy live? months 75 Any one far:,thing five sin;?:i' : with the money, witi r? rive a top. rio. Sulscribevs Tbinfr th-ah .'han-te* from one po t office to nm.ther n>v t rt.te the name of tine pot oflu e from which tliev viJ), it channel, as well as that to which they wish it sent. All sofcsefiptions must he pail in advance. The paper will he stopped at the end of the Guie paid for, unites subscriptions are pre vio'itlv renewed. Fifty numbers complete the year, CASH ADVERTISING RATES. c rACZ \ oio 3 mos 6 mos 12*mos fTTh 77 *-z m % * 50 *lToo SIOOO 2 in. lies.. 450 720 1100 IN 00 3 inches.. 600 900 15 00 22 00 *in her .. 650 11 00 18 00 27 00 l column . 050 14 00 40.00 35 00 ,Hucn.. 12 50 25 00 ’4O 00 CO 00 1 coluri" . 22 PC- 41 00 *02,00 SffO 00 Mamure? and dc ’tv- not exceeding six lines will ’-e p'dlJ -r .. 1 ree. Payments to he m ul- <( ari erly in advance, es.mrdintf to sc’*o Me rates, uni> ss otherwise agreed upon. I'er-ms rend rg ndvertisen'enis. will state the length of time t'-ey wi-h (h TO published fu 1 the -pee t'.ev want them to oeurpy. Porti s•• Ivc.rti t-nr by conlm t will be re- Strut--1 to thoir le iiiui ite line!tugs. Trn vT, Anvna-ns^UT.sTS. 'Sheriff’* Biles, rerlndh, <V>ir weeks.. .S'! 50 • miyrt-wsrc *f* etfes. per inch, eiir"htweol:-* 6 50 Citation for 'etters of -.ln>i••i-tr.flion, L r v:ir liSTlsli".:■, iliirl v Mays 3 00 Notice to o emt crc Jit or* of ru estate. ’*'Vv ...... ... 6 00 L ;-pli"-ition foT leave to seR 1 mi, four wc :k* 4 00 Bclcs of lni‘ etc . p Tin h fbttv <l.irt 500 11 “ insiishn'ile rmmcT’v, per inch, ten <?•.<•* 2 00 Applic-<i n rorloftor.soffO 'ni -ion r vora cuorili-n-sln fur'.v >' '■ 500 i.ppli’(irm f'>r let’ersofoismissioTi from admmt halier , iFree m nth* 7 50 TistaHishing l"st pnpeT:. the fell se'-ue o'thice .ttllis. pcrln-h 7 00 Ccim-eßb*' ii.lc-' from exc-ntor* or nd ir-ini-U 1 t -vkoTe hrn 1 h ■'< been given hv ‘lie .v .. o \ (lie f !l spire or'three t r > n th-. per ‘tv-li 7 00 E r :r not! e~. ttii-'v •! i 3 00 r.uV fr r f.oc V irra ( f mn't ■’ "i, four tooi.th.s. no'■ hl' r per mdi 000 Bale of inroli ent n ■ orp thirty day a. .. 300 K n ste-1 two 2on 3 3’'Ct ** i. ts. o £gg3 Cards ~TDr- T- j - Ironl^iitas, .;t/V ' vHr/' Did TIST ’ \Mmki > t mmm , : HAM! ETON, GA. l, m. z>~, nrslrisnl Physician and Surgeon, HAMILTON GEORGIA Special attention giver, to tr. -.uvger j** Term a 0 is!, p' PRESTON GiBBS^ SURGEON and PHYSICIAN, Hamilton, Ga, Will he found at the hotel or the afore of W H John.-ton unjeas professionally engaged. CHATTAHOOCHEE HOUSE , By J. T.HIGGI3NBOTHEM. WEST POINT, GA * ALONZO A. DOZIER, Attorney and Counselor at Law, COLUMBUS, GA. Practices in State and Federal Courts in Geovgia and Alabama. Office over C. A. Redd ft Co’s. 126 Broad st. dec4-6m *■ Hines Dozier, ATTORNEY-AT LAW, HAMILTON, GEOHGTA Will practice in th* CftattahnccVeCircuit •r anvwiiere ol Q o. Office in the. Northwest corner of the Omrt-honse, aD. TERRYS BARBER SHOP, COLUMBUS, GA. Go to TA Terry's, if you want an easy shave, and vonr hair cut hy first-' lass h-'W hcr* and in a first-rlass barber shop. Trea ted under the Rankin House. so pi iy RA.JSrKI!Sr HOUSE COLUMBUS, GA. Mbs. F. M. GUAY, Proprietress. S. A. Sftxfrs, Clerk. _ THE WARM SPBINGSj KFEIWETHIIt CO., GA., Are Now Open for the Re ception of Cuests. OrnT or prcos to Vp 1 fiH flt ColnmVvnF, Kir< r f' brm, Geneva or L* Grange. Terms reason al ls.* For further information enquire of m a 2l] J. L. MUSTIAN, Prop’r. HOUSE AND SIGN PAINTING. T ara to do any kind of Paint ine—Hotise. Mtrn or •' r :,n ontal T tan mend your I n' ’■ :e la- and Paranoia, and make them a* good >vs :w - Prices low. Give me a trlai. My shop is opposite the maxaet-honae. Columbus. Ga. jrnn-6m W. D. bMITH, Katural Artist. Hamilton fB&H Visitor. MARK TWAIN AS AN EDITOR. I did not take the temporary editor sliip of an agricultural paper without ■misgivings. Neither wou’d a lands •tuan KakerconTwastd f*. i&Sp without j misgivings. But I was in circum stances that made the salary an ob- The regular editor of the pa per was gSing oft' for a holiday, and I accepted the terms-ltg offered, and took his place. __ sensation of being at work ag.wn was iimuriovs,” and fcl "wrought all the week with unflagg'ng pleas-, ure. We, went to press,'and IVait ed a day with some solicitude to*see whether my effort was going to at tract any notme.-'As 11 eft he office, toward rundown, n group of men and boys at the foot of the staii s, di-pers ed with one impulse, and gave me passage way, and T heard one or two of them say ; '‘That’s him ! ” I was naturally pleased by this>- cidertt. r J"he rex! morning I found a. similar group.at v-iiefootot tbe stairs, and scattering couples and individu als standing lice Jand there in the street,, and over the wy } watching mo with interest. The gwp sejiarateel—f 1! back as I np’Woa'ched, and I heard a man sav ; “Look at his eve!” I pretended! not to observe [he notice I was a:- tvrrcling, but secretly I was ]>!< a-ed with it, anti was propo-ing to write an account of it to my aunt. I went up the short flight of s;ri s, natl heard cheery voices and a riii ing laugh as f drew near the door, wLic' I opcacd, and caught a glimpse of two young, rural-looking men, whose faces Id. itched and lengthened when they saw me, and then they both plunged through the window si.h r, great cra>h. I was surprised. Ii about lin'f an hour an old gen tletnan ui.h a flowing beard and fine but rather austere (ace, etucrcl and sat down at my invitation. lie put the paper on his lap, and, while he polished uis handkc'chi' f, lie said: “ Are you the new euho; ?” I said 1 w as. “Have you ever edited an agricul tural paper before ? ” “No,” I said; “ this is my first at tempt.” “Very likely. Have you had any experience in agriculture, practical ly, my friend?” “No, I believe I have not.” “Some instinct told me so,” said the old gentleman, putting on his spectacles and looking over them at me with asperity, while he folded his paper into a convenient shape. “I wish to read you what made me have that instinct. It was this editorial. Listen, and see if it was you that wrote it: “Turnipsshould never be pulled — it injures them. It is much better to send a boy up and let him shake the tree.” “Now, what do you think of that? —for I really suppose you wrote it,? ” “Think of it? Why, I think it is good. I think it is sense. I have no doubt that, every year, millions and millions of bushels of turnips are spoiled in this township alone by be ing pulled in a half-ripe condition, when, if they had sent a boy up to shake the tree—” “Shake your grandmother! Tur nips don’t grow on trees!” “ Oh, they don’t don’t they ? Well who said they did ? The language was intended to be figurative, wholly figurative. Anybody that knows anything, will know that I meant that the boy should shake the vine.” Then this old person got up and tore his paper all into small shreds and stamped on them, and broke several things with his cane, and said I did nnt know as much ns a cow; and then went out, and banged the door after him, and in short, acted in such a wav that I fancied he was dis pleased about something. But, not knowing what the trouble was, I could not be any help to him. Pretty soon after this a long, ca daverous creature, with lanky locks hanging down to his shoulders and a I week’s stubble bristling from the hills and val'eys of his face, darted within the door, and halted, motion less, with finger on lip, and head and body bent in listening attitude. No sound was heard. Still he lis tened. No sound. Then he turned the key in the door, and came elab orately tiptoeing toward me, till he was within long reaching distance of me, when he stopped, and after scan ning my face with intense interest for HAMILTON, HARRIS 00., GA„ FRIDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1875. a while, drew a fo’ded copy of our paper from his bosom, and said? “There—you wrote that. Bead it to me. quick ! Believe m" —T suffer.” I read ns follows—and as the sen tences fell from my bps T coxiid see the relief rome—T could see ihe drawn muscles relax, arid the" anxiety go out, of the face, and rest and pence steal over the features like the mev ciful moonlight over a desolate land senpe. “The guano is a fine bird, but great care is necessary in rearing i'. —should not b&’imported carder than June nor later than September. In the winter it should be k ept in a warm place, where it can hatch out its young. It is evident that we are to have a backward season for grain. The -e --for. it wili be well fu- the feraer to begin setting o 1 !<** to ■ stalks and planting his bn hw';i cukes iu July iinstead of An :iv-t. Concerning the pumpkin.—This bony is a fa.vo. ke with the n lives o" t'e iutertov.o Now 1 ngland, who p (Tor it to the g-ioscber y for the ni.il ing of fruit cake, aud who ’ike tv > give to it (h ■ preference over the raspberry for feed! tg cow ■. as be ing more fi’i'itg stud folly seit-fyie.g. Th--> pumpkin is the only esculenl o', t c orange family that will three in the Nm: k, except tln'gourd and o e or two varieties of the squash. Bn the custom of planting it in the front yard with the shrubbery fast go on t of vogue, for if is now generally conceded that the pumpkin as a shad; lice, is a failure. Now, ns the Warm weather ap proaches, and the ganders begin fo span n —” The excited listenc” sprang toward me, to shake hands, and su'd: “There, there—that will do! I know I am all tight now, because yon have rend it. j.ist as i did, wo and ior word. But, strange'-, when I first read ii this morning I said to m y. If, I never, nevt r believed it be fore', note iibstanding my friends kep! me under w tell so s.iict, but now I believe I am crazy; and with that 1 fetched a howl that you might have heard two miles, and < started out to kill somebody—became, you know, I knew it would come to that sooner or later, and so I might as well begin. I read one of them paragraphs over again, so as to be certain, and then I burned my house down and started. I have crippled several people, and have get one fellow up a tree, where I can get. him if I wan: him. But T thought I would call in here a I gass ed along, and make the thing perfect ly certain; and now it is certain,and I tell you it is lucky for the chap that is in the tree. I should have killed him, sure, as I went back. Good bye, sir, good-by —you have taken a great load off tny mind. My reason has stood the strain of one of your agricultural articles, and T know that nothing can ever unseat it now. Good-bye, sir.” I felt a little uncomfortable about the cripplings and arsons this person had been entertaining himself with, for I could not help feeling remote’v accessory to them; but these thoughts were quickly banished, for the regular editor walked in. . (I tboug-.t to my self : Now if you had gone to Egypt, as I recommended you to, T might have had a chance to get my hand in ; but you wouldn’t do it, and hero you are. I sort of expected you ) The editor was looking sad, and perplexed, and dejected. lie sur veyed the wreck which ihut'oM rioter and those two young farmers had made, and then said : “ This is sad business—a very sad business. There is the mucilage bottle broken, and six panes of glass, and a spittoon and two candlesticks. But that is not ihe w orst. The rep utation of the paper is injured, and permanently, I fear. True, there never was such a call for the paper before, and it never soared to such celebrity, but does one want to be famous for lunacy, and prosper on the infirmities of his mind ? My friend, as I am an honest man, the street out here is full of people, and others are roosting on the fences, waiting to get a glimpse of you, be cause they think you are crazy. And well they might, after reading your editorials. They are a disgrace to journalism. Why, what put it into your head that you could edit a pa per of this nature? You speak of a furrow and a harrow as being the same thing; you talk of the moulting season ior cows; and you recommend the domestication (my heavens!) of 'lie pole-cat cri aoerwnt o'f its play fulness and Its excellence "s a rat'er. Your remark that clams will lie quiet if music be n'a' cd lolhem. was super fluous—entirely snperflaous. Noth, ing disturbs clams. Clems ohray s lie qumt. Clam** c-vo nothing what ever pbout music. Ah. heavens and | earth, friend. i f you had made the ac quiring of ignorance the study of vonr life, von could not have gradu ated with higher honor Ilian von could to-day, T never saw anything 'Em it. Your observation that, the horse ehe-lnnt.. as an article of eom meree, is sfer.dilv gaining in favor, "s simpiv eak-n’ated to destroy this journal. I wh.nl you to throw up ! vonr situation and go. I want no more holiday—T conM not. enjoy it if I had it.* rVwfrh-Jy not with yon in my (•■ air. T would always stand in dread of what von my/ht be going to v reomma''r| next. It makes me >osc a’l patience every time T iliink of vonr discussing oyler-beds under tire hea-l of ‘ Landscape Gardening.’ 1 want yon to go. Nothing on e rth tjouhl pet-snide ms to take ano.her holiday. Oh, why didn’t you tc'l in - you didn’t know anything about agriculture? ” 11 Tdl v on, yon corns’",lk, yon cab bage, vou son oT a enulifl >wcr!' Ids the first time I ever heard, such an unfeeling remark. 1 tell you I have been In the editorial business going o : fourteen yt 'xz, and it is the first time I ever heard of a man’s having to know anything in order to edit a newspaper. You turnip 1 Who is it that writes the dramatic critiques for tlie second rate papers? Why, a parcel of promo;cd shoemakers and apprentice apothecaries, who know jti't as much about good acting as I do about good fanning, and no more. Who review the books? Peopl' who never wrote one. Who do up the heavy leaders on finance? Par ti; s who have -ha- 1 the largest oppor- j (uiiiih s for knowing nothing about j it. Who criticise the Indian cam-, I pnlgus? Gentlemen who do not j know a war-whoop from a wigwam, j and who never had to run n fool- j [•• ’ce wi h n tomahawk or pluck nr- , i,.ova on.l of the several members of, their families to build the evening camp-fire with. Who write the temperance nppea’s and clamor about the flowing bowl ? Folks who will never draw a n o(her sober breath till they do it hi the p-nve. A\ ho edit the agricultural papers, you —yam? Men, a a general tiling, who fail in the poetry line, yellow-covered nove 1 line, sensation drama line, city-edi or line, and finally/all bank on agricul ture as a temporary reprieve fi-ntn the poor-house. You try to tell me about the newspaper business! fur, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger noise lie makes and the higher the salary he commands. ITeavcn knows if I had but been ignorant in-tcad of culti vated, impudent instead of diffident, I could have made a name for my self in this co'd, selfish world. I take my leave, sir. Since I have been treated as you have treated me, lam perfectly willing to go. But I I have done my duty. I have fulfilled 1 my contract, as far as I was permit ted to do it. I said I could make your paper of interest to all classes, and I have. I said I could run your cb dilation tip to twenty thousand copies, and it I had two more weeks I’d have done it. And I’d have given you the best class of readers that ever an ngricultura 1 paper had—not a farmer in it, nor a solitary individ ual who could tell a watermelon from a peach vine to save his life. You’re the loser by this rupture, not me, Pie-plaut. Adois.” I then left. HT “No man can do anything against liis will,” said a metyphyri cian. “Faith,” said Pat, “I had a brother who went to prison against his will —faith, lie did.” * “ Mary Jane, have you given the gold-fish fresh water?” “No, ma’am, what’s the use? they haven’t drunk up what’s in there yet.” ins-The re are giantesses in Min nesota, it seems. A country paper there, in describing the burning of a dwelling, mentions the rescue, “by way of a window, of the servant girl, fifteen feet in height.” tw" Something that will soon be leaving us —the leaves. Bakers are a crusty lot of fel lows, and fond of loafing. 3?o the Visitor Something Abont Storms. This cart l>*s sn rounded i-y an in visible substance called the air, or at •nosnhare, having weigh- aud great c’as'ic’ly. I can bevompres-ed, or gre -tly expanded. It pres-?s equally in all directions, and at the surface of i the sea its pressure is about fi een pounds to live °qu re inch, decreasing in weight above ihe surface of the errtb. Borne suppose it extends to a dis tance no of ion -five miles. T'mt is eonjecture,-as ir cannot support bu man life above four or five mi cs, as was exemplified in a balloon ascen sion in France, where two of three re-'onauta 'ost iher lives from suffo- 1 calio.i, it 's supposed; ihe third one j fainted, aud recovered consciousness ■ as the balloon descended. Winds are currents of air caused | by Ihe oqui’ b intn of ihe awnosphore be* 'g i-i-turbod by the lineq ial -dis- | ribttiio > of heat at m near the sur- I free o ibe cart’’. Fo'd - said to in crease •’ .he rate of one degree for ev vy liti-tii) ed y d.-. above the nr-; thee o* the ea -.h, but th it i. •o' uni | I'rv-ndv ihe c sp, r.s ihe snow line at the equa.or is much higher Ilian far ther north. Tiie iu crease of cold above tbe earth’s surface depending on the latitude. The weight and pressure of the air wee unknown to the nncionis. The discovery uas made about lie begin ning of the seventeenth century. They believed that water rose in pumps because nature abhorred a vacuum. Modern scientists have been amus ed by this saying of the ancients, but if l had been applied to the partial vacuums of die a r, on or near (he surf.'.cc of the c:vili, that produced tlie late terrible t.to ms. the saying would have been nearer the truth. For “ nature,” In restoiing tho equil ibrium i' c ntrnosp! p. o in such or e does not in the least degree tolerate 1 u h vacuums. The books and i-iuanr ray the la'e storms extending across the State of Georgia, were caused bv a partial vacuum along the line of the norm", catt ed by the sun’s heat on the sur face of the earth rar’lying the air and producing a vacuum, and colder air above ami nroiiml, nv-liing in, pro duced the storms, and gave them a rotary motion, from west to a little north of east. The moi-ture of the air being rap id'v condensed by' the cold currents of wind, produces ruin, and some t hues hail, in such s onus a greater ev olution of heat, and an increase of the storm. Thai is about the amount of infor mation we get from those who have attempted an explanation of the late dreadlui storm*, as derived from books. It would be a subject of deep inter est to those along the lino of the storms to know why their sections wee made the theatre of such terii ble destruction. Why those partial vacuums were produced in their par ticular localities that led to the storms. ‘ Those acquainted w ith the geology and geography of that portion of Georgia, know that (lie soil in the pine woods section is white and san dy, and above the pine woods is a dark red soil of oak and hickory’. The dark red soil absorbed the sum’s rays more rapidly than the light san dy soil further south, and became more heated. The air was rarified; the partial vacuum was produced, and the storm came, commencing in 11a’'- ris county, and passing across the State above Augusta. It is a well established fact that dark colors absorb heat more readily than white. A line is marked acro-s the State from west to east, by the rising of the granite ledges above the surface of the. ground at Columbus, and passing across the State about Augusta. The heat was the greatest some distance above and below the lines mentioned. The fact was reported to the signal office at Washing on that the baroinetor was higher above and below the storm line. The storm passed to the east, because the vac uum lay in that direction, and the equilibrium of the air was restored behind the storm. The Pine mountain, in Harris coun ty, running nearly east and west, may have had its influence in increasing the sun’s heat, though the storm may have taken place without the moun tain being there. The same causes may produce storms not so extensive in other places, Another phenomena attendingfthese storms has" not been explained, or even mentioned. It is their rising above the earth, and skipping over irregular dis- ff*d then coming down again on the ground to their work of destruction. That is prob ab'y caused by the equilibrium of the atmosphere not being materially dis- turbed by the causes above mention* ed. in fro ! of Ihe storm, and the ni 1 is dense enough to bony the storm ■foovo The ground. Or the storm may be moved higher iti tbe air by the evo'nt’on of more beat, causing the storm centre to ibe. The centre of tbe storm is supposed to move many hundred feet above the earth. Or both causes may be combined at tbe saute time :o produce the rising a'-d skipping of the storm. Where these storms originate is vet unsettled and unknown. Prof. Loomis, of the signal service office in W.-,-hint,an said they seem to orig inate in ei'l-pr the nor,hwestern part of the United S.r.tcs, if not in the Pa cific. Ocean, or in tlw vicinity of Tex as and th3 Gi|lf<-f Mexico. That is aV<swing an extreme margin for this origin. They probably originate nearer the equator, or within the tropics, and m moving north are forced east by westerly currents of wind. The 8,-ixon word, “ s ojroi,” has been used to express these winds' The prefix of “ whirl ” to it will be more signitiernt. The word “cy clone,” derived from a Greek word, kvcloß, which means a circle, and the Spanish word, “tornadft,” changed to “ tornado,” have both been used to designate lln-se winds. Ward. Would You. Would you keep your rosy com plexion, wear thick soied shoes. Would you enjoy quiet conquest, do away wtih airs and pretence. Would you have others respect your opinions, hold and never disown them yourself. Would you have good health, go out in the sunshine. Sickness is worse than freckles. Would you respect yourself, keep your heart and body clean. Would von retain the love of a friend, do not lie selfish and exacting. Wow’d you gain the confidence of business men, do not try to support the style of your employer. Would you never be told, a lie, do not ask personal questions. Would yon sleep well and have a good appetite, attend to your own business. Would you have the respect of men never permit yourself to indulge in vulgar conversation. Shoes of Snake Skin. —Tho Win chester (Tenn.) Journal says: “ We saw in Winchester last week a nice pair of shoes, nbont No. 4, the vamps of which were made of rattle snake hide, and the quarters of chick en snake hide. Also several snake hides neatly tanned, and three feet long and eight inches wide. They belonged to J. If. Henderson, who lives on “Big Coon,” in Jackson county, Ala. He makes a specialty of catching all kinds of snakes, rat tlesnakes in particular, end, without injuiing or killing them, proceeds to take off their hides. These lie tans in about two months, and then makes them into shoes, slippers, etc. He uses a weed which grows in the mountains to mesmerize the snakes. He says they will readily become harmless under the influence of the weed, wbh Ii he fastens to the end of a long stick, and rubbing it for a while about the snake’s head, soon has it insensible, and then he lies it preparatory to skinning.” RT“I believe,” said a third term Republican “ that President Grant is of a forgetful if not of a very forgiv ing disposition.” “I agree with you, entirely,” was the reply. “Ho is for fretting all lie can, and as for giving, he never exercises liberality except, in the giving of office to those who have pandered to his taste for getting." *£Sr-She thought it was a tramp at the door, so she looked it, and from an upper window bombarded him who stood and knocked with the tea-kettle, two brooms,one-eighth cord of kindlings and a mop handle. He winced not, then she knew by his style of dodging that it was her husband. The only men who don’t get out of patients in warm weather—the doc tors. $2.00 A YEAR, WIT mill HUMOR. Waiter (to an old gent at restau* rant)? “Take nby pastry, sir?” Old gent (to waiter)? “ Yes, bring me a pancake; will it be long?” “No, sir, round,” A sensitive girl has broken off the match, because he said she bad afoot like a raisin box. “ Remember, Mrs. 8.,” said Bogus, in a fluster one day, “that you are the weaker vessel,” “ May be •sKS’* retorted the lady; “but I’ll not for gat that ls>* weaker vessel may havo the stronger spirits in it.” A dog in Indianapolis is wrestling with genuine fever and ague. lie has chills promptly at ten o’clock ev ery morning, and several physicians are watching the progress of the di9‘ ease Upon the canine patient. A young bride, who had been fash ionably educated was asked by her fond husband to altond to the order* dering of the dinner, as he shouldn’t have time to go to market. It is n tact that she hlnnd’y reqnested the butcher to send home a “leg of tongue, seventeen pounds of Bteak, and two halibut.” At the funeral of a woman, a neigh bor in attendance, feeling it necessary to say something to the nfflicted hus band, kindly observed; “ You’ve got a splendid day for a funeral.” The longest night in Norway ItWMI three months, and when a young man goes to see his girl, her mother, be fore retiring, tells her not to ruin her health by sitting up more than two months. “Jessie, what was Joe’s arm doing round your waist when you were at the front gate Inst night?” asked a precious boy of his sister. liis arm wasn’t round my Waist; I won a belt from him, and he was taking my measure,” said tho young lady. A Presbyterian minister, while mar rying a couple of his rustic paushton* ors, felt exceedingly disconcerted on hrs asking the bridegroom if he wera willing to take the woman for his wedded wife, by his scratching his head and saying, “ Ay, I’m willin’, but I’d rather have her sister.” A ragged little urchin came to a lady’s door, asking for old clothes. She brought him a vest and a pair of trousers, which die thought would be a comfortable fit, The young ur chin took the garments and examined each ; then, with a disconsolate look, said, “ There ain’t no watch pocket.” “The almighty problem is to make a living without working,” as the man said when he shouldered a sler eoptienn and started for the rural dis tricts. In addition to hismoral show and lecture, he circulated “ crooked” fivc-cent pieces. The government feeds him now at the cost of his freedom. Sueie (sugar) is tho name of a little river in Switzerland. When the re cent floods came, the mayor of a city on the river received a dispatch from higher up the stream: “Sudden rise in sugar, take precautions.” He puz zled over this a little, and replied! “ I never speculate; have given your dispatch to a confectioner ” # Two sons of the Emerald Isle paid a visit to Fairmont Park, Philadel phia, recently. They visited the wa ter works. Looking on with amaze ment at the great turbine wheel* while- in motion, one exclaimed to the other: “Faith, Pat, the Ameri cans mnst be quarc people; they rttust have their water ground before they can drink it.” “Why should Washington’s birth day be celebrated any more than mine?” asked a bachelor schoolmas ter of one of his class. A pause of several seconds’ duration succeeded the qnes'ion. When it was again asked, a bright little fellow he'd up his hand and said : “ I know; because you have no children, and he is the father of his country.” Henry Ward Beecher was intro duced to a Shaker at the White Mountains the other day, and said to him. “ I understand yoor belief de prives you of some of the pleasures of this life,” whereupon the other replied “ It shields tis from some of its temp tations also.” , A Frenchman learning the English languange cont ained of the irregu larity of the vci o “to go,” the pres ent tense of which some wag had written out for him as follows: “I go; thou startest; he departs; we make tracks; you cut sticks; they absquatulate oi skeddadle.*