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HEY. DR. TALMAGE.
THE BROOKLYN DIVINE’S SUN
DAY SERMON.
Subjee: “The Upper Forces in Ameri
can History.”
Text: “And the Lord opened the eyes of
the young man; and he saw; and, behold,
the mountain was full of horses and char¬
iots of fire round about Elisha.’'— II Kings
vi., 17.
As it cost England many regiments and
two million dollars a year to keep safely a
troublesome captive at St. Helena, so the
King of Syria sends out a whole army to
capture one minister of religion—perhaps "night 50,
000 men to take Elisha. During the
the army of Assyrians came around the vil¬
lage of Dothan, where the prop! het was
staying. At early daybreak the man
servant of Elisha rushed in and said:
“What shall we do? there is a
whole army come to destroy you. We must
die, we must die.” But F.hshn, was not
scared a bit, for he looked up and saw
the mountains all around full of super
natural forces, and he knew that if there
were 50.000 Assyrians against him there
were 100,000 angels for him; and in
answer to the prophet’s prayer in behalf of
his affrighted man servant, the young man
saw it too. Horses of fire harnessed to char
iots of fire, and drivers of fire pulling reins
of fire on bits of fire; and warriors of fire
with brandished sword of fire, and the brill
iance of that morning sunrise was eclipsed
by the galloping splendors of the celestial
cavalcade. “And the Lord opened the eyes
of the young man; and he saw; and, behold,
the mountain was full of horses and chariots
of fire round about Elisha.” I have often
spoken to you of the Assyrian perils which
threaten one American institutions, but now
as we are assembling to keep centennial cel^
J h w^ h e and “£ char C r r -
-
10 u winTnlw
Vm You will notice than the Dmne equipage • is -,
Mel always represented Isaiah as John, a chariot of fire. Eze
and and when they come to
describe the Divine equipage, harnessed, always repre
sent it as a wheeled, a an uphol
stered conflagration. It is not a chariot like
Kings organised and conquerors of earth mount, but an
and a compressed fire. That means
purity, justice, chastisement, deliverance
through burning chariot escapes. Chariot of nationai rescue?
yes, but of fire. All our
diseu tliTalments have been'through scorching tHh,®
asronies and red disasters Thivimrh
gjg.y** »—««•*•***
But haw do i know that this Di™ ? , q »i
I £ n< "S
™ Za£ American 5?J las * revolutionaries f.W T 1 '
ships, pendence without lS, in l7m The coloffies without
ammunition, without guns
without trained warriors, without money
without prestige. On the other side, the
mightiest nation of the earth, the largest
armies and the grandest navies and the most
distinguished exhaustible, commanders, nearly all and nations resources in
and ready to
hack them up in the fight. Nothing as against
immensity. The
cause of the American colonies, which
started at zero, dropped still lower through
the quarreling of the Generals, and through
the jealousies at small successes, and through
the winters which surpassed all their prede
cessors in depth of snow and horrors of con
gealment. Elisha, did surrounded be by the whole off
Assyrian army, not seem to worse
than did the thirteen colonies encompassed
and overshadowed by foreign assault. What
decided the contest in our favor? The upper
forces, the upper armies. The green and
white mountains of New England, the high
lands along the Hudson, the mountains of
Virginia, full re-enforcements all the Appalachian which the ranges were
of young man
Washington saw by faith, and his men
endured the frozen feet, exhausting and the gan
grened wounds, and the march because bun
fiord and the long “the
opened the eyes of the young man- ’ and
he saw; and, behold, the mountains were full
of horses and chariots of Are round about
Elisha.” Washington himself was a mira¬
cle. What Joshua was in sacred history the
first American President was in secular his
tory. A thousand other men excelled him in
different things, but he excelled them all in
roundness and completeness of character.
The world never saw his like, because and probably
never will see his like again, there
probably never will be another such exi¬
gency. He was let down a Divine interposi¬
tion. He was from God direct.
I do not know how any man can read the
history of those times without admitting
that the contest was decided by the upper
forces.
Then in 1861, when our Civil War opened,
many at the North and at the South pro¬
nounced it national suicide. It was not cour¬
age against cowardice, it was not wealth
against poverty, States. it was It not heroism large against States
against small was
heroism, it was the resources of many gener¬
ations against the resources of many genera¬
tions, it was the prayer of the North against
the prayer of the South, it was one-half of the
nation in armed wrath meeting the other half
of the nation in extermination? armed indignation. What
could come but
At the opening of the war the commander
in-chief of theUnited States forces was a
man who had been great in battle, but old
age had come with quietude. many infirmities, He could and he
had a right to not
mount a horse, and he rode on the
driver battle field in a carriage, much. asking During the
not to jolt it too of the the the
most of the four years contest, on
Southern side was a man in mid-life, who
had in his veins the blood of many genera¬
tions of warriors, himself one of the heroes
of Cherubusco Chapultepec. and As Cerro the Gordo, passed Contreras
and years on
and the scroll both of carnage sides unrolled, heroism there
came out from a and a
strength and a determination that the world
had never seen marshaled. And what but
dan extermination and Stonewall could Jackson come when met, Philip and Nathan¬ Sheri¬
iel Lyon and Sidney Johnson rode in from
north and south, and Grant and Lee, the two
thunderbolts of battle, clashed ? Yet we are
a nation, and yet we are at peace. Earthly
courage did not decide the conflict. The up¬
per forces df the text. They tell us there was
a battle fought shove the clouds on Lookout
Mountain; but there was something higher
than that.
Ap yln tha horses and chariots of God came
ip t£e rescue of this nation in 1876, at for the
JSriHsh of a Presidential election famous
ferocity. A darker cloud yet settled
down upon this nation. The result of the
election was in dispute, and revolution, not
between two or three sections, but revolution
in every town and village imminent. and city of The the
the United States, seemed
prospect was that New York would throttle
New York, and New Orleans would grip New
Orleans, Savannah, and Boston, Washington, Boston, and Washington. Savannah,
and
Some said Mr. Tilden was elected; others
said Mr. Hayes was universal elected; and how
near we came to massacre
sane of us guessed, but God only knew.
* ascribe our escape not to the hon¬
esty and righteousness of infuriated
politicians, but I ascribe it to the upper
forces of the text. Chariots of mercy rolled
in, and though the wheels were not heard and
the flash was not north seen, yet all through south the
mountains of the and the and
the east and the west, though the hoofs did
not clatter, the cavalry of God_ this galloped nation. by. Id
I tell you God is the friend of
the awful excitement at the massacre of Lin¬
coln, when there was a prospect that greater
slaughter would open upon this nation, God
hushed the tempest. In the awful excitement
at the time of Garfield’s assassination
putHis foot on the neck of the cyclone.
To prove that God is on the side of this na¬
tion, I argue from the last eight or nine great
national harvests, and from the national
health demics of the last quarter of a century—epi¬ the great
very religion, exceptional—and and from from the spreading
revivals of
of the Church of Gbd, and from the continent
blossoming with asylums and reformatory in¬
stitutions, and from an Edenization which
promises that this whole land is to be a P&ra
disa where God shall walk in the cool of the
day. If in other sermons I showed you what was
the evil that threatened to upset and aemol
ish American institutions, I am encouraged
moro than I can tell you as I see the regi
ments wheeling down the sky, and my Jere
miads turn into doxologies, and that wfficU
was the Good Friday of the nation s cracito
ion becomes the Easter mom of its resurrec
t- instrumentalities, ion - 0f f° 1 u f se God and , w tins ” rks national th T? u ^ better
W ent V? *? come among other things through
a scrutinized ballou box. By the la fo o eg
istration it is almost There impossible uo ^
n Y d ^ ^ remember votm g- it . + very well
°f vagabonds wandered up and
election day and from poll to po , and
voted here and. voted. there, chane ,,
everywhere, and there was no g , ,
lf there ,^- ere ’ 1<; amounted to nothing, bc>
cause nothing could so suddenly P
orzanh^d with“severest V nffvhborhood ’scrutiny. ^everv voter is
watched I must
sas s: fifty ■avsx’a'iroc will rise and shut
represent, witnesses me
out from the ballot box. Is not that a great
advance? Aud then notice the law that pro
hibits a man voting if he has bet on the elec
, • maa , S forbidden | , e R5!m^ , ,, ler a ne vote ? ds , who ,*° , J has , >e _* , offered a S .___, e ? =J f^. or d
brlbe > ^ether it be in the Aapeofa
* ree dr lr ? k °T < ? asb P al d down, the susp c oils
“■?» obll . Sf d *> P u * them , hand on the Bib e
an fo d through swear their the saored vote m chest if they of our nation’s a i}‘
suffrage God redemption will come,
also will save this nation through an
£ roused moral sentiment. There has never
been so much aiscussion of morals and lm
rift"w.“h?A.rwho°hSrhS'ttj T%?‘AS!!**$ $£
S S c ' r
hands on, ill discoursing service, eloquently and about with dis
honesty J public ‘ ’ preaching men two
or thre 9 fa ailies of their own , elo
fluently about the beauties of the seventh
commandment. The question of sobriety
and drunkenness is thrust in the face of this
nation as never before, and to take a part m
°. ur political contests. Tlio question of na
tional sobriety heard is going to be respectfully legis- and
deferentially at the bar ot every
lature alKi every house Senate, of representatives and
and every United States an om
nipotent voice will ring down the sky and
across this land and back a<jain, saying which to
* bese rls mg Gdes of drunkenness
threaten , to whelm home and church and na
tion: Thus far shalt thou come, but no fur
ther, and here shall thy proud waves be
stayed, of qis-
1 J lavo mm<1 * shadow
. heartenment as large as the shadow of a
house nys wing. My taith is m the upper
f° rc © s > upper armies of the text. * s
uot dead. ine chariots are not unwheeled,
If you would only pray more andwash vour
eyes in the cool, bright water, fresh from
tne well of Christian reform, it would be said
of you as of this one of the text: The Lord
opened the eyes of the young man; and he
saw; and, behold, the mountain was full of
horses and chariots of fire round about
Elisha. ^
When the of Antigonus went into .
battle his soldiers army much discour
were very the General and
aged, said and him: they “Don’t rushed up to have few
to you see we a
forces and they have so many more?” and the
soldiers were affrighted at the smallness of
their number and the greatness of the enemy.
himself Antigonus, and their said, commander, with indignation straightened and
up “How do reckon
vehemence: many you me
to be?” And when we see the vast armies
arrayed against the cause of sobriety it mav
sometimes be very discouraging, but I ask
you in making up your estimate of the forces
of righteousness—I ask you how many doyou
reckon the Lord God Ahnighty to be? He is
our commander. The Lord of Hosts is His
name. I have the best authority for saying
that the chariots of God are twenty thou¬
sand, and the mountains are full of them.
You will faith take is without in Christianity my saying and it that
my only suggested in the Political in the
upper forces text.
parties come and go, and they may be right
and they may be wrong; but God lives, and
I think He has ordained this nation for a
career of prosperity that no demagog-ism
will be able to halt. I expect to live to see a
political party which will have a platform of
two planks—the Ten Commandments and the
Sermon on the Mount. When that party is
formed it will sweep across this land, like a
tornado I was going to say, but when I think
it is not to be devastation, but resuscitation,
I change the figure and say, such a party as
that will sweep across this land like spice
gales from heaven.
Have you any doubt about the need of the
Christian religion to purify and make decent
American politics ? At every yearly or quad¬
rennial election we have in this country great
manufactories, manufactories of lies, and
they are run day and night, and they ready turn
out half a dozen a day all equipped and
for full sailing. Large lies and small lies.
Lies private and lies public and diagonal. lies prurient. Long
Lies cut bias and lies cut
limbed lies and lies with double-back action.
Lies complimentary and lies defamatory.
Lies that some people believe, and lies that
all the people believe, and lies that camels nobody and
believes. Lies with humps like
scales like crocodiles ana necks as long and as
storks and feet as swift as an antelope’s scalloped
stings like adders. Lies raw and
and panned and stewed. Crawling lies and
jumping lies and soaring lies. Lies with at¬
tachment screws and ruffiers and braiders
and ready wound bobbers. Lies by Chris¬
tian people who never lie except during elec¬
tions, and lies by people who always lie, but
beat themselves m a Presidential campaign.
I confess I am ashamed to have a foreigner I should
visit this country in such times.
think he would stand dazed, his hand on his
pocketbook, and dare not go out nights! of
What will the hundreds of thousands for¬
eigners who come here to live think of us?
What a disgust they must have for the land
of their adoption? The only good understand thing
about it is, many of them cannot
the English language. But I suppose the
German, and Italian, and Swedish, and
French papers translate it subscribers. all and peddle out
the infernal stuff to their
Nothing but Christianity will ever stop
such a flood of indecency. The Christian re¬
ligion will speak after a while. 'Hie billings¬
gate and low scandal through which we wade
every year or every four years, must: oe re¬
buked "by the religion which speaks from its
two great mountains, from the one mount¬
ain intoning the command: ‘ ’Thou shalt not
bear false witnesses against thy neighbor,”
and from the other mount making rather plea than for
kindness and love and blessing
c .rsmg. Yes, we are going to have a na
tional religion. kinds of national religion.
There are two is
The one is supported by the State, ana a
matter of human politics, and it has great
patronage, and without under reference it men will to struggle qualifica¬ for
prominence tions, and its archbishop is supported by a
salary of $75,000 a all year, and there are great
cathedrals, with the machinery of music
and canonicals, and room for a thousand peo¬
ple, yet an audience of fifty people or twenty
people or ten or two.
\Ve want no such religion as that, no such
national religion: but we want this kind of
national religion; the vast majority of the
people converted and evangelized, find then
they will manage the sa&ular as well as the
religious. Do that this is impracticable? No.
you say coming just certainly there
The time is as as
is a God and that this is His book and that Ho
has the strength and the honesty to fulfill His
promises. One of the ancient Emperors used
to pride himself on performing that which
his counselors said was impossible, and I have
to tell you tc-dav ‘Hath that He man’s said and impossibles shall He are
G od’s easies. ‘ not
do it? Hath He commanded and will He not
brine it to pass?” The Christian religion is
coming to take possession of every ballot of box,
of every school house, of every home, every of
valley, of every mountain, of every acre
our national domain. This nation, notwith¬
standing all the evil influences that are trying
to destroy it, is going to live.
Never since, according to John Milton,
when from the “Satan ethereal was skies hurled in headlong hideous ruin flaming and
combustion down,” have the powers of dark
ness been so determined to win this continent
as they are now. AVhat a jewel it is—a jewel
carved in relief, the cameo of this planet!
On one side of us the Atlantic ocean, dividing
us from the worn out governments of Europe.
On the other side the Pacific ocean, dividing
us from the superstitions of Asia. On the
north of us the Arctic sea, which is the gym¬
nasium in which the explorers and navigators
develop their courage. A continent ten thou¬
sand five hundred miles long, all of seventeen it but
million one-seventh square miles, capable aud of rich culti¬
ibout
vation. Oue hundred millions of and popula¬ South
tion on this continent of North
America—one hundred millions, and room
for many hundred millions more. All flora
and all fauna, grains all metals and and all fruits. all precious The
woods, and all
Appalachian range the backbone, andtheriv
BTS the ganglia carrying life all through Darien and
jut to the extremities. Isthmus of
the narrow waist of a giant continent, all to
be under one government, and all free, and
all Christian, and the scene of Christ’s per¬
sonal reign on earth if, according to the ex¬
pectation of many good people, he shall at
last set up his throne in this world. Who
shall leave this hemisphere, Christ or Satan?
Who shall have the shore of her inland seas,
the silver of her Nevocas, the gold of her Colo
rudos, the telescopes of her observatories, the
brain of her universities, the wheat of her
prairies, the rice of her savannas, the two
great ocean beaches—the one reaching and from the
Baffin’s from" bay to Terra del Fuego, Horn—
other Behring straits to Capo spiritual
and all the normal and temporal and
and everlasting interests of a population Who
vast beyond all human computation? You and I will
shall have the hemisphere? decide it by conscien¬
decide that, or help to by maintenance
tious vote, by institutions, earnest prayer, by support of great
of Christian mind and
philanthropies, by putting all body, moral, religious
soul on the right side of
and national movements.
Ah! it will not bo longd; efore it will not
oiako any difference to you or - to me what be
comes of this continent, so far as earthly it com¬ will
fort is concerned. All we will want of
be seven feet by three, and that will take in
the larzest, and there will be room and to
spare. That is all of this country wo will need
very soon—the youngest of us. But we have
an anxiety about the welfare and the happi¬
ness of the generations that are coming on,
and it will be a grand thing if, when the arch¬
angel’s trumpet sounds, we find that our sep¬
ulcher, like the one Joseph of Arimathea pro.
vided for Christ, is in the midst the of world a garden.
One of the seven wonders of was
the white marble watch tower of Pharos of
Egypt. Sostratus, the architect and sculptor,
niter punning tnat waten tower cut his name
on and it. please Then the he covered King it with the plastering, monarch’s
to he put
name on the outside of the plastering; and
the storms beat, and the seas dashed in their
fury, and they washed off the plastering, and
they washed it out, and they washed it
down, but the name of Sostrafus was deep
cut in the imperishable rock. So across the
face of this nation there have been a great
many names written, religions, across our finances,
across of our names worthy
architecture remembrance, of names churches, written and on the
our our
schools, and our asylums, "is and our homes
of mercy, but God the architect of this
continent, and he was the sculptor of all its
grandeurs, of the and and long the after, through the wash
ages tempests of centuries, all
other names shall be obliterated, the Divine
signature and Divine name will be brighter
and brighter as the millenniums go by, and
the world shall see that the God who made
this continent has redeemed it by His grace
from all its sorrows and from all its dimes.
Have you faith in such a thing as that?
After all the chariots have been unwheeled,
and after all the war chargers have been
crippled, the chariots his which Elisha saw on
the morning of peril will roll on in tri¬
umph, followed by all the armies of heaven
on white horses. God could do it without us,
but He will not. The weakest of us, the
faintest of us, the smallest brained of us,
siiall have a part in the triumph. We may
not have our name, like the name of Sos¬
tratus, cut in imperishable rock and conspic¬
uous for centuries, but we shall be remem¬
bered in a better place than that, even in the
heart of Him who came to redeem us and re¬
deem the world, and our names will be seen
close to the signature of His wound, for as
to-day “Behold, He throws I out have His arms toward thee us He
says: graven on the
palms agencies, on My hand.” By the mightiest I beg of all
the potency of prayer, you
seek our national welfare.
Some time ago there were 4,600,000 letters
in the dead letter postoffice at Washing ton—
letters that lost their way—but not one
prayer ever directed to the heart of God mis¬
carried. The way is all clear for the ascent
of your supplications heavenward in behalf
of this nation. Before the postal communi¬
cation was so easy, and long ago, on a rock
one hundred feat high on the coast of Eng¬
land, there was a barrel fastened to rock, a post,
and in great letters on the side of the so
it could be seen far out at sea, were the
words: “Postofliceand when ships came by,
a boat put out to take and fetch letters. And
so sacred were those deposits of affection in
that barrel that no lock was ever put upon
that barrel, although it contained messages
for America, and Europe, and Asia, and
Africa, and all the islands of the sea. Many
a storm tossed sailor, homesick, got message
of kindness by that rock, and many a home¬
stead Would heard good all the news heights from a boy long national gone.
that of our
prosperity were in interchange blessings of sympathie* coming
down! —prayers Postal going celestial, up meeting by struck
not a storm
rock on a wintry coast, bnt by the Rock of
Ages.
WASHINGTON, D. C.'
MOVEMENTS OF THE PRESIDENT
AND HIS ADVISERS.
NOTKS.
It is said upon good authority that the
President contemplates taking the whole
South front first floor of the state de¬
partment for executive business offices
and establishing a routine for office
hours.
The secretary of the navy has ap¬
proved the sentence and findings of the
court martial in tlio case of Lieutenant
Wm. C. Strong, tried on board the
United States steamer Tallapoosa, at
Montevideo, February 11, 1889,
The President and the Secretary of the
Interior have called upon the United
States officials in Oklahoma, charged in
the report of the inspectors of the Interior
Department with corrupt practices in con¬
nection with the public lands in that ter¬
ritory, for any explanation relative or statement thereto.
they may desire to make
The routine of the White House was
resumed Thursday. The President en¬
tered his office at 10 o’clock, and from
that hour up to 1.30 he was occupied in
listening to the appeals of office-seekers
and others who desired his intercession
in their behalf. The crowd was smaller
than usual, but was large enough to keep
the President engaged til the morning.
made The in following the promotions have been
Southern Express Company:
Mr. J. G. Mays, of Augusta has been
made superintendent of Southern Ga.,
and Mr. T. R. Osborn, of Jacksonville,
has been promoted to be superintendent of Charles-;
of Florida. Mr. E. F. Cary,
ton, 8. C., has been advanced to Mr.
May’s position as route agent. Mr.
Hollingsworth succeeds Mr. Cary as local
cashier.
The Interstate Commerce Commission
notified the principal railroads of the
country that they are likely to be inter¬
ested in and affected by the questions
presented in the complaint of Nashville George
Rice against the Louisville &
Railroad alleging discrimination in favor
of shippers of petroleum and cotton-seed
oil in tank cars, and that they will be
afforded an opportunity to be heard
upon the questions involved in the case.
Postmaster General Wannamaker on
Saturday issued the following order:
Ordered. That hereafter the Post Of¬
fice Department be closed on Sunday to
the clerks and all employes thereof, ex¬
cept the required watchmen, engineers
and firemen. Clerks and unployes shall
without exception be denied admittance
on that day to the main building and the to
the several rented buildings, aud
watchman on duty shall strictly enforce
the provisions of this order.
The navy department has been offi¬
cially informed by the commanding of¬
ficer of the Essex, now at New York,
that Passed Assistant Paymaster Henry
W. Smith went ashore on the doth of
April with the intention to return the
next day, and hss not been since heard
from. He had $1,200 belonging to the
government believed in his possession. he bus been foully It is
generally that
dealt with.
Secretary Blaine appeared at the state
department Friday morning, and soon
after his arrival, Sir Julian Pauucefote,
the new British minister, came to the
department, accompanied by Sir. Ed
wardes Herbert, with several other at
tachcs. The new minister was intro¬
duced to Secretary Blaine, who immedi¬
ately proceeded with the party to the
White House, where Sir Julian was form¬
ally presented to the president. The
usual felicitous speeches weie exchanged.
The sentence of the general court-mar¬
tial in the case of Jlajor G. J. Lydecker,
corps of engineers, who was tried on
charges arising out of the aqueduct tun¬
nel frauds, was made public Friday uftcr
noon and is as follows: To forfeit to the
United States $100 per month of his pay
for nine months and to be reprimanded
in orders. The court is thus lenient in
view of the evidence before it that in
spaces so confirmed as those above the
arch in the tunnel, it was almost impos¬
sible to secure thoroughly good work un¬
der the contract system imposed by law.
Secretary Tracy lias decided that he
has authority under the law to proceed
with the construction of the great coast
defence vessels. * There will bo no re¬
advertisement, and the only question yet
to be decided is which of the three bids
shall be accepted. Cramp’s bid was the
lowest, but the Union Iron Works of
California, whose bid was but $14,000
above him, hope to secure the work in
consideration of the fact that they abso¬
lutely guarantee the success of the ship
for the amount of their bid, which was
$1,628,009. This decision of the Secre¬
tary will involve the abandonment of
the idea of building a submarine torpedo
boat.
The president made the following ap¬
pointments on Friday: To be United
States attorneys, Samuel N. Hawkins, of
Tennessee, for the western district of
Tennessee; John Ruhm, of Tennessee,
for the middle district of Tennessee. To
be United States Marshals: Josiah B.
Hill, of North Carolina, for the eastern
district of North Carolina; Carter B.
Harrison, of Tennessee, (the President’s
brother) for the middle district of Ten¬
nessee; James W. Brown, of Tennessee,
for the western district of Tennessee;
Ahdrcw J. Evans, of Texas,' attorney of
the United States for the western dis¬
trict of Texas; William H. H. Clayton,
of Arkansas, attorney of the United
States for the western district of Arkan¬
sas; Thomas R. Borland, of Virginia, to
be attorney for the eastern district of
Yirginia.
A Rainy Day.
Mother, singing at her work,
Though dark the day and dreary;
Mother, never known to shirk,
However tired and weary.
Sings she—thoughts to busines stending—
“No days like rainy days for mending.”
I note the basket’s load grow fight,
Aud give no heed to wind or weather;
Down pours the flood; I sit and write,
And we are happy, home together.
Dear mother smiles, a moment lending,
And says, “A rainy day for mending.”
To her quick needle, swift my pen
Keeps paee. My mirth I try to smoother,
And when I finish, turn and say,
“I’ve put you in my poem, mother.” ■
A kiss, and she is o’er me bending;
My verse is finished—and the mending.
—lone L, Jones.
HUMOROUS.
Neighbobs—all horses named Robert.
Moral furniture — Upright colonial
chairs.
Usually make a good imj|ession—
Holders.
The hotel keeper has an inn-de-pen.
dent existence.
A Celtic gastronomic disturbance-—
The Irish stew.
The knell of the London Times ap¬
pears to be Par nell.
The girl who has a beau too many i*
annoyed by a sir-plus.
The successful glass-ball marksman
must necessarily be a “crack shot.”
It is certainly a paradox that we are
naturally desirous of long life, and yet
unwilling to be old.
“I have been in a country,” said a
Nebraska preacher, “whero the hand ol
man has never set a foot.”
The skillful cook may not know
much about Shakespeare and Milton but
she is well up in Browning.
Husband—“Wife, Dr. Smith, the
chiropodist, will dine with us today. ”
Wife—“All right; I’ll order corned
beef.”
“You can’t do anything without
money, my boy.” “Oh, yes you can.”
“I’d like to know what. ” “Get in
debt.”
“Those Thompsons are a bad lot.
Three out of the four ought to be in the
penitentiary. “And .ho fourth?”
“He’s there. 3
Lady (to drunken beggar): “Arcyou
not ashamed to beg?” D. B.: “Yes,
ma’am, but I’m full; when I’m sober
I’m a burglar.”
Bobby—“Papa, why do they call th«
moon she?” Papa (after a “till” with
mamma)—“Because it keep* such s
good watch at night, my son.”
Citizen (just a prominent ordinary cit¬
izen)—Well, Sir. Landlord, what do
you find the most disagreeable feature
about renting houses? Landlord—Ten¬
ants.
Grocer—Take that brat out of here.
It’s bawled, and bawled, and bawled.
Indignant nurse—I know it’s bald, but
it will have hair on its head before you
will.
An Indiana schoolmaster has been
driven out of the county for cruelty to
his pupils. In other words, he has been
shipped as a whaler, and will . douhtleff
be detailed to work the spanker boom.
A New York lawyer named Doolittle
once unwittingly entered into partner¬
ship with a brother barrister named
Steele, but a lack of clients soon becam*
painfully noticeable, and it was found
advisable to dissolve, the name of th<
firm proving too suggestive to prospec
tive patrons.
Many Years in PabUc Office.
The oldest consul in the United State*
service, who has been able to retain hi»
position year after year in spite of civil
wars, administrative changes and fac¬
tional politics, is Horatio J. Sprague.
He was born in Massachusetts and ap¬
pointed from that State. He has been
stationed at his post on the rock which
controls the entrance to the Mediterranean
Sea since 1848. He is another who ii
reported to look upon the place as one
in which the djgnity of the country
should be upheld at any cost. His sal¬
ary is $1,500, and naval officers who
have stopped at Gibraltar say that they
have accepted invitations to dinner at
his house, which dinners must have cos!
him half his salary at a clip. He doe*
not seem to care whether he makes *
cent or not, and this being the case, hi*
office is to him simply a means of mak¬
ing himself decidedly agreeble to all
Americans who visit him with the propel
credentials. In this he is eminently suo«
cesafuL