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jDCi/VJLl T>TT’nCT?T Ur it 17 I UTTXT 1 Lit*
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES. v
Urewsome and Grim—Something New
in Brlc-a-Brac—She Had
Heard It—As He Un>
derstood It, F.te,
r The bird only seen by his bill-. /
A grewsome bird is the gas meter grim, light dim;
Sitting silent and lone in the cellar
And time's fast night, flight,
Nor day nor
Bring any change to the meter grim, * -
Save in the race
On its figured face, toward the millions’
Where numbers grow
place.
A watchful eye keeps the meter grim, dim;
As he sits alone in the cellar light
And he marks the gas
As summer days pass, interim,
And makes no note of an
Nor takes off a dime
For the two months’ time
You close your house for a cooler clime.
A merry bird is the gas meter grim,
And he laughs alone in the cellar light dim;
And he thinks how you’ll swear
And tear out your hair
When the quarter's bill comes rolling in;
For whether away,
Or at home you stay,
The bill is the same you’re called on to pay.
—Richmond Times.
SOMETHING MAY IN BRIC-A-BRAC.
Ethel—“Oh, I saw such a sweet match
safe this afternoon.”
George—“What shape was it in?”
“It was in the shape of a marriage
certificate. ”— Time.
SHE HAD HEARD IT.
Bob Stayer—“Have you heard the
latest, Miss Chester?”
Miss Chester—“Yes, indeed; I just
heard the library clock strike twelve.”—
Golden Argosy.
AS nE UNDERSTOOD IT.
“No smoking allowed,” shouted the
railway official.
And the emigrant when the remark was
translated to him asked if he would be
permitted to smoke in silence.— Philadel¬
phia Press.
r IN PROFESSIONAL PARLANCE.
First Baseballist—“Did you propose to
Miss Diamond last night, Battersby?”
Second Baseballist—“I did, Pitcher,
my boy.”
F. B.—“Score?”
S. B.—“Whitewashed .”—Boston Cour
ier.
A BOOTBLACK AND HAIR DYER.
A bootblack, after putting a brilliant
polish on the shoes of an elderly customer, visible
turned to him with a smile of
satisfaction and, looking into his face,
remarked in a confidental whisper—
“Permit me to inform you that I also
- darken whiskers. ’ ’— Fieramosca.
ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE.
Drummer (showing her necklace)—
“How do you like this?”
Miss Lovelorn—“Oh, how lovely! You
are altogether too kind to make me such
a beautiful present.” it)—“This is
Drummer (grabbing road a
new sample I’m to take out on the
next week.”— Epoch.
THE COP CANKERED.
A man alighted from a side door of an
uptown saloon last Sunday with some¬
thing bulky under his coat. A police¬
man tapped the object with his club and
.asked:
“Have you a tumor there?”
‘•No,” replied the man, “I have a can,
sir .”—New York Herald.
couldn’t blame him.
She—“Isn’t this rather sudden, Mr.
Ponsonby? Wouldn't it be better to
postpone your proposal until we are
better acquainted?” about that.
Ponsonby—“I don’t know
All the other girls said they might have
accepted me if they hadn’t known me
so well .”—New York Sun.
A NICE OLD LADY.
Ada—“So you have been to see your
husband's frends, have you, Lulu? And
how did you like his mother?”
Lulu—“Oh, ever so much, Ada; she
made me feel so much at home. Why,
in less than twenty-four hours after I ar¬
rived there she had me in the kitchen
•wiping dishes .”—New York Sun.
CUNNING ROGUES.
Two Paris loafers are reading a notice:
“Lost, a black poodle. One hundred
francs reward.” One of them says to the
other:
“You must take the one you stole yes¬
terday.” white.”
“But it is
“You must say that is has turned white
through grief .”—Monde lllustre.
UNSEEMLY LEVITY.
YTalter—“Oh. Mabel, I worship the
very hair of your head. Give me one
curl to recall* this hour at some future
time.”
Mabel—“Oh, I sort of _
see-—a
lock.”
Waiter—“A lock is a good thing to
adore; that's why I want it ."—Detroit
Journal.
let in.
Sirs. Aleet—“If you should make a
thousand dollars unexpectedly. Tom,
you give me that diamond pend.
ant I’ve been looking at so long?” .4
Mr. Alcet—“Why, yes, dear.”
Mrs. Aleet—“Very well, I'll order it
to-morrow. I stopped wanting that ivorj
finished piano to-day, and a thousand was
just the price of it.”
SHOWED HIS COURAGE. 1
Jimmy Freshley (stopping in front ol
the new neighbor, and gazing intently al
her)—“Ain't I a brave boy, Mrs. Spinks ?’ 1
“Mrs. Spinks—“Why?” said
Jimmy—“’Cause, mamma you
were a perfect fright, but you don't scare
me a bit.”
The Freshleys and Spinkses are not on
speaking* terms .—Lemrence American. 4
CO UP nEAD.
At a college examination—“And now,
sir, let us see whether you know more
about physical science than about the
other subjects you have studied. What
are the properties of heat?”
“One of its properties is to cause ex¬
pansion.” illustration.”
“Correct; give me enough. an
“Oh, that’s easy In summer,
the sun, being hotter, causes the days to
lengthen, sir.”
THE BUTCHEK’S BLUNDER.
“Yes, ma’am,” said the butcher,
“there’s as nice and tender a roast of
lamb as you'll find in the market, I
wouldn’t sell it to anybody but an old
customer like you. It was my eldest
daughter's little pet lamb. It broke her
heart to let it go. You sec she had
played with it ever since she ivas a little
girl. I—I mean to sav—oh, you prefer
some veal cutlets. Shall I send them up,
ma'am ?’’—Detroit Journal.
GEORGE ALL RIGHT.
Anxious Mother—“My dear, I’m afraid
George is getting into bad company. He
is out very late nearly every night.”
Observing Father—“Oh, he’s all right.
He goes to see some girl or other.
Shouldn’t wonder if he'd announce an
engagement soon.”
“He hasn’t said a word about any
young lady.”
“No; but he’s keeping company with
one all the same. His right wrist is full
of pin scratches .”—New York Weekly.
MAINTAINING A REPUTATION.
A gentleman Avho knew General John
A. Logan in southern Illinois before the
war tells us that on a certain occasion
young Logan found it necessary to doubt
the word of a man, and told him so
without any circumlocution.
“Don’t you call me a liar, sir,” said
the man, excitedly; “I have a reputa¬
tion to maintain, and I mean to main¬
tain it, sir.”
“I know it,” said Logan; “and you
are maintaining it every time you tell a
lie.”
SHE WAS MERCENARY.
Mrs.Foudma—‘ ‘Me Goodness? Bea-trice,
you’re nawt going to disgrace your parents
by marrying that hawrid Mr. Oldog, who
has such terrible manners and dresses in
such wretched taste. Why, he actually
eats pie with a knife.”
Beatrice—“Yes, I know he eats pie
with a knife, mamma, but he knows how
to cut coupons with shears, all right; and
they do say that his manners when he
presents a check at the bank are charm¬
ing. I love him, mamma, for his real
worth.”
OUT OE TIIE ARISTOCRATIC SECTION.
1. Mamma, shall I speak to the Hefter
leighs if I meet any of them on the street?
You know they don’t live on Prairie ave¬
nue now. They’ve moved to Michigan
avenue.”
“If they reside below Thirty-first
street, my child, they are still in our set.
Treat them cordially.”
“But they arc above Thirty-first street,
mamma.”
“Then pass them with a bow.”
“In fact, their home now is just above
Sixteenth.”
“Cut them dead .”—Chicago Tribune.
HE HAD TO GO NORTH.
“Promise me, James,” said the South
Chicago wife, sobbing, “that you will
take good care of yourself and write to
me every day.”
“I will, Susan,” exclaimed the hus¬
band, as he mastered his own emotion
by a violent effort and embraced her
tenderly. “You can never know how
this separation, temporary though it may
be, wrings my heart. But the physician’s
orders are imperative. He says nothing
but a change of climate will save me. I
must leave this latitude for the North!”
And he tore himself away from his
weeping wife and took the train for
North Chicago.— Chicago Tribune.
MATTER-OF-FACT MEN.
“Good morning, gentlemen,” said ,his the
ZLST’ - he morning,” a responded
tt It isn’t a good
one of those greeted.
“I mean, I hope you have had a good
j morning,” said number one. unani
“But we haven’t,” came the
mor^ reply.
“ vV hat I meant.” said the new comer,
j “was that I hope you would have had a
good morning, if it had been a good
morning.” would, but it
tWe as wasn’t, we
didn't” was the reply.
“Well, then good afternoon,” said the
- new comer, and off he walked.— Pmi
dents Telegram. ..... -----
If any dealer says he has the w. T.. Uonplae
Shoes without name ami price stamped on
the bottom, put him down as a fraud.
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W. L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE GENTLEMEN. FOR
Best in the world. Examine his
85.00 GEMIIXK liAN D-SKHKO SHOE.
88.50 KXTUA VALUE CALF SHOE.
88.25 AVOi:KINGMAN’S BOVS’ SCHOOL SHOE. SHOES
88.00 and 81.75 Button
All made ill Congress, and Lace.
W. L. DOUGLAS
S3 SHOE FOR
LADIES.
Best Material. Best Style. Best Fitting,
f -/‘U’^UGLA^; M&CKTON. MASS.
For Sale By
C J. EDGE,
ColmnliHK (in.
The S terling Ci
Manufacturers of
■Har A:
M #1 -
V.
iJEif
flg! gisfeiML ii
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,
- < . V -•* —swri-B j
THE STIRLING PIANOS,
WHICH TOE
Quality of Tone, Beauty of Design,
FINISH and adaptability for stand¬
ing in Tune have no equal.
Every Piano Warranted for Five Years
Anil satisfaction guaranteed to every purchaser.
Also Manufacture the World-Renowned
STERLING ORGAN
Factories, Derby, Conti.
Dobbins’ Electric Soap
THE BEST FAMILY SOAP
IN THE WORLD.
It is Strictly Pure. Uniform in Quality.
T HE original formula for which we paid modified $50,000
t-.venty years ago has never been or
changed in the slightest. Tills soup Is
identical In quality to-day with
that made twenty nothing years that ago. in
Ljnre TT contains ran It bright¬
the finest fabric.
ens colors and bleaches whites.
1 T washes flannels and blankets as no other soap
in the world does—without shrinking—leaving
them soft and white and like new.
READ THIS TWICE
bins’ F.Iectric Soap is used according to direc¬
tion h. merit. It
/’kXE Le trial will demonstrate Its great
will pay you to make that trial.
IKE all best tilings, it is extensively imi¬
tated and counterfeited.
psware of Imitations,
VAMW/WWAV
VXSIST upon Electric. Don’t take
A Magnetic, Electro-Magic, Philadelphia Electric,
or any other fraud, simply because it is cheap. Ask They for
will ruin clothes, and are dear at any price.
---^>.-<5. BOBBISS’ EI.ECTKIC i—^—
and take no other. Nearly every grocer from Maine
to Mexico keeps it in stock. If yours hasn’t it, lie
will order from his nearest wholesale grocer.
TJ EAD carefully the inside wrapper around each
JA bar, and be careful to foliot-v dii-cctlonitf
on each outside wrapper. Yonontnot tc
wait longer before trying for yourself this old, reliable,
and truly wonderful
DSbbins’ ♦ Electric * Soap.
urifv mm
BLOOD.
Bui do no! use the dangerous alkaline
a ad mercurial preparations which destroy
your nervous system and ruin the digestive
pewer of the stomach. The vegetable king¬
dom gives us the best and safest remedial
agents. Dr. Sherman devoied the greater
part of his life to the discovery of this relia¬
ble and safe remedy, and all its ingredients
are vegetable. He gave it the name of
Prickly ish Bffiers 1
a name everyone can remember, and to the
present day nothing has teen discovered that
is so beneficial for KID8EYS the BLOOD, and for the
LIVER, for the is for the
STOMACH. This remedy now so well
and favorably known by all who have used
ii that arguments as io its merits are use¬
less, and if others who require a correct¬
ive to the system would but give it a trial
the heaith of this country would be vastly
improved. Remember the name—PRICKLY
ASH BITTERS. Ask your druggist for it.
PRICKLY ASH BITTERS CO,,
ST. LOUIS, ua
NEW PRICES.
W. I.. PARKER,
HILTON GEORGIA,
-DEALER IIV
General Merchandise, Dry-Goods > i
Groceries, Boots, Shoes, Clothing:, &c.
Has just opened at the Hudson «C Johnston corner a stock of fresh j
goods which low prices and courteous treatment must sell. I
Cash paid for Country Produce-Chickens, Butter, Eggs, &c. j
C. SCHOMBURG
WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER,
DEALER in
DIAMONDS, FINE JEWELRY
WATCHES, CLOCKS aiul SILVERWARE,
Repairing Watches, Clocks and Jewelry a Specialty.
No. 1115 Broad St, Columbus, Ga.
HARRISON’S SHOE STOKE,
1132 BROAD ST., COLUMBUS, GA
Everybody is invited to call and look at our stock of
BOOTS AJfU SHOES.
REGULAR "ALLIANCE” PRICES
ON EVERYTHING.
Hamilton Buggy Company,
HAMILTON, OHIO,
Manufacturers of Hamilton Grades of Vehicles.
BUGGIES.
EDITORIAL SPECIAL BUGGY OF ANY STYLE VEHICLE.
SPECIAL FEATURES :
Proportion, Duraliility, Porfootion oJt’ Finish.
This “ Mirror ” finish work is the best medium-priced work in the United States.
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE. HAMILTON BUGGY CO,
“Talbott” Engines;'
BUY FROM MANUFACTUERS
DIRECT AND SAVE MIDDLE
MAN’S PROFIT.
Engines, Boilers, Saw Mills, Corn Mills, and
General Machinery
Eagle” Cotton Gins, “Boss” Cotton Press, Cotton Seed Elevaters, Etc Ft,
Write us for CircularsNaming Your Wants.
FACTORY I TALBOTT & SONS. MACON GA
RICHMOND, VA.
J C Weaver, Manager
PRICES YOU SHOULD NOT RESIST
CHANCELLOR & PEARCE
COLUMBUS, GA.
Continue to sell every thing in their store at close prices
preparatory to moving in their new quarters.
The stock must be reduced at once.
Clothing, Hats, Furnishing, and Evervtning.
Call or mail your orders direct to them.
CHANCELLOR & PEARCE
COLUMBUS, GA.
,||ur ^ment Merchant and Tailoring depart
X3§T is full of the latest and most at¬
tractive Suitings in the south.
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CARRIAGES.
50 years Expericene
Established 1889