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l budget of fun.' aaioRous SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. f w o Extremes—Comforting—A Picas ant Recollection—Things Are Changed—After a Long Silence, Etc., Etc. The man without an overcoat Will brave the coldest storm,* And smile serenely as he gasps, “By jingo, it is warm!” The chap who has a new topcoat, That garment he will wear, Even if the weather’s close and hot, And say: “Howraw the air —New York Journal. COMFORTING. Professional Mendicant—“Will you please help me, sir; I have only one leg, iir, and I am cold an—” ‘•Why, my dear man, you have a de¬ cided advantage over me in having only aefoot to get cold; good day.”— Time. EXCHANGE OF COURTESIES. Air. Younger (meeting Aliss Winters jn the street)—“Why, how do you do?” Aliss Winters (with a cold stare)—“You have evidently made a mistake, sir.” Air. Younger—“I beg a thousand par¬ dons—I mistook you for your mother.” — Epoch. THINGS ARE CHANGED. Belle—“Augustus is changed since we got married.” Nell—“In what respect, dear?” Belle—“He used to say that what would make me happy would make him happy; and now he doesn’t seem to care to make himself happy at all .”—Yankee Hlnde. AFTER A LONG SILENCE. Aliss Robust—“What did you remark, Mr. Pendcgist?” Air. Pendegast—“Aw, 1 didn’t say anything.” Aliss Robust—“Well, suDpose voti do.” Air. Pendegast—“AVhat shall I say?” Miss Robust—“Say, for example, ‘good night.’ ”— Time. WOULD RUIN HIS BUSINESS. Plusher—“This account says that the seals are threatened w r ith extermination. That would ruin my business.” Aladdox—“Why, you only make imi¬ tation sealskin sacques.” Plusher—“Yes, but if everybody knew r there were no genuine ones there cl be no demand for imitations. ”— Munsey's Weekly. ? KNOWLEDGE VS. OBSERVATION. Smith—“That -was a very interesting fecture of yours on the Catacombs. Did you write it while you w*ero in Rome or after you returned home?” ■ Spouter—-“Oh, no, I wrote it before I went. Wanted to get it off my mind, you know, so that when I got abroad I'd have nothing to do but enjoy myself.’’— Bouton Transcript. ' l WHAT SHE WANTED. “Now, conductor,” said an old lady ♦fho got on the cars at Chicago, “I place my safety in your hands.” “All right, madam; I guess we can take good care of you.” “And if there is an accident, and the cars are thrown down a steep embank¬ ment, you’ll be sure to wake me up, won’t you ?”—Rochester Budget. SINKING RAPIDLY. "Robinson— “Hello, Smith! Glad to see you back. How did you leave Jones?” Smith—“Poor fellow! The last time \ saw him he was sinking rapidly.” Robinson—“Indeed! What was Clatter with him?” Smith—“He fell overboard from the •teamer .”—Burlington Free Press. A PLEASANT RECOLLECTION. Friend—“Alisss Brown, let me intro¬ duce to you Air. Garlay.” Garlay (bashfully)—“I think I’ve met you before, Aliss Brown.” Aliss B.—“Indeed! I do not recall it.” Garlay (still more bashfully)—“ Ithink pushed you down stairs about years ago, when I was young.”— Bazar. UNDER ANOTHER NAME. Druggist—“Air. Alixer, w r hat is all that stuff down the cellar?” Clerk—“Oh, that's some medicine that •ere s no sale for. It’s Drake’s Diges- -on Provocative. • I thought of getting the old junk man to carry it off.” Druggist—“Nonsense? Change the name. Call it the Influenza Annihilator, aad we’ll get rid of it fast enough.”— Boston Transcript. THE qUEEN OF THE HOUSEHOLD. “Ha! come in, old man. I’m glad to See you. Come down into the kitchen and have a smoke. Wife's gone over to ^ ‘her mother's and I’m all alone.” “But ! h ear the piano.” “Oh! the servant girl has company to- •'ght and w r e had to give up the parlor, hat a the re.ison my wife went out. omc right down to the kitchen. I’m m, ghty glad you called.” — Boston Courier. A PRANK confession. “Prisoner, said the Judge to a very disreputable citizen who was brought in by the bailiff, ‘ ‘you have the privilege of being tried by a jury of your own peers.” “Does that mean my equals, Judge?’ “Yes, sir.” “Don’t do it, Judge. Ye can’t gel nowheres without sendin’ back the van to the jail for another load of prisoners.” — Merchant Traveler. HER TERMS ACCEPTED. Foregn Prince (haughtily^.—“It raa’ as well be understood, Miss Million, that I am no beggar. It I am to be youi husband T cannot accept as an annual al lowance for my expenses any sum incou sistent with the dignity of my rank anc position in life.” American Heiress (affectionate, bul business-like)—“I will allow you, my deal Prince, enough to pay your club dues and keep you in clothing, canes and cigarettes. ” Foreign Prince (grinding his teeth)— “I’ll take it .”—Chicago Tribune. WHAT CAUSED THE EXCITEMENT. “Look here, Maria,” said Air. Town ley, as he looked in to the pitcher whicl he brought in from the milk wagon al evening. “What’s the matter?” “There’s something wrong with thi: milk.” “I doesn’t look exactly right, does it?’ said Airs. Townley after a close scrutiny “And it tastes funny,” she added, as sh< sipped a little from a tea spoon. 4 4 I'll find out what the matter is. II there—hi! hi!” and Air. Townley rushec after the wagon. Half a dozen boys took took up the chase, and after the proces¬ sion had traversed a couple of blocks Air. Townley skillfully eluding the ef¬ forts of a policeman to detain him, he gained the side of the wagon. “What’s the matter with that,” he asked laconically, as shoved the pitehei up to the driver. That functunary tasted the contents, and then exclaimed: “Well, I’ll be dog- goned ! If we didn’t forget to skim the milk this morning ."—Merchant Traveler EDUCATION. A Detroit father has undertaken a lit tie educational venture with his own chil dren and. he is trying to make them givt up slang, the use of ambiguous terms ol speech, and other peculiarities affected by the youth of the day. Yesterday he asked his fourteen-year-old daughter w r here a certain book was. “I haven’t an idea, papa!” answered the young lady. “I didn't ask you for ideas,” said the father sternly, “just answer my ques¬ tions. Where is that book?” “On the top shell in the book case/ recited the girl, like a parrot. “t’an you reach it?” “Yes, sir.” There was a long silence, the fathei waiting impatiently for the book. Al last he asked : “Nell, why don’t you bring it?” “Bring what, sir?” “The book I wanted.” “You did not say you wanted me to get it,” said the daughter in a demure voice, “you asked me if I could reach it.” “Nellie,” said the father, as a smile made his mustache tremble, “get that book like a good girl and bring it here to me.” 4 4 Now, you're talking sense, pop; I’ll have the book in a jiffy,” and she whisked off after it, while the father sighed over the degeneracy of the times .—Detroit Free Press. The Army “Canteen” System. The European “canteen” system now being introduced into the army of this country is now in successful operation al Jefferson Barracks and productive ol flattering results. The system was intro¬ duced by Alajor Baruard on his taking command of the barracks last October, and as conducted it js a genuine boon to the soldiers stationed there. In effect it is a co-operative store, club-room and restaurant combined, where soldiers can obtain goods and refreshments at a little in advance of first cost. The profit goes to defray expenses, and f >r the benefit of the soldiers in sqpplying extra accommo¬ dations and conveniences. The bill of fare of the refreshment department is of large variety and the charges exceedingly low. All articles of merchandise are sold at about one-balf the prices under the post trader system. The old Barracks Chapel, which for years has been aban¬ doned as a church, has been arranged and neatly fitted up for the “canteen,” and it is the intention of Alajor Barnard to add additions to it from time to time, as they are able, in shape of a billiard and pool-room and a library and reading- room. The management is in the keep¬ ing of a sergeaut, under the supervision of the commander, and he has assistants detailed for the work who are allowed extra pay for their services. In speaking of the beneficial effects of the canteen, Alajor Barnard stated to a reporter that it had proven almost a panacea for al! the ills of the soldiers stationed at the barracks, and that desertions, which had formerly averaged about twelve a month, uow did not exceed three a month. Since the inauguration of the canteen they have taken in $6000, the profits ol which they had used in fixing up the building and improving the mess. Sol¬ diers are allowed a limited credit at cask prices, and the low prices.at which they obtain goods enables them to save some of their pay. Alajor Barnard is an enter¬ prising, progressive officer, and is intro¬ ducing numerous salutary reforms at the barracks. — -St. Louis Republic. COAST SENTMLS. INFORMATICS^ ABOUT AMERI¬ CAN" LIGHTHOUSES. The Different Buildings and Lamps —Notable American Lighthouses —Number of Persons Employed and the Cost of Maintenance. The , latest , , report , of . the United r- *i. j i Lighthouse Board gives for this country alone the following grand showing of our coast sentinels: In 1888 there were 2230 lighted and 4696 unlighted aids, making a grand total of 6926 aids to navigation, consisting of lighthouses, graded from the first to the sixth order, lightships, fog signals, day beacons and buoys of every description. The report further goes on to state that in the con¬ struction, care and maintenance of these various aids are employed twenty-seven vessels which are used in the construc¬ tion of the different works and in carry¬ ing supplies; the service also giving employment in different capacities of light keepers, crews of lightships and laborers to 3035 As it was found necessary that each signal should present something peculiar to itself that would render it a protector in truth and not a misguiding and con¬ fusing indicator, a variety of lights was introduced. The complete system as used at present comprises eight varieties —namely: fixed white, fixed red, flash¬ ing white, flashing red, fixed white varied by red flashes, fixed white varied by red and white flashes and flashing red and white alternately. Only the two colors, white and red, are employed, the latter color being obtained by either using a •bimney of ruby glass or panels of red glass outside the lens; red is thus chosen as being the one color whose rays, above all others, best penetrate the thick and murky atmosphere of a fog. Of the 2230 lighted aids to navigation fifty-two are what are termed first order lights. The height of the tower is re¬ gulated by the elevation of land on which it is placed, and the angle of vision sea¬ ward that is desirable to establish, and as it is necessary that by day as well as by night distinct difference should exist be¬ tween the different stations, variety of shapes, number of out-buildings, differ¬ ent coloring and different combinations of color arc employed to give to each station its own idiosj ncrasies, making it a totally separate and individual thing from any other of its fellows. The Absecon Light, Atlantic City, N. J., which divides with the Fire Island Light the honor of being the first land¬ mark discerned by incoming vessels, is 167 feet high, and to give some idea of the thickness of its walls, it will be suffi¬ cient to say that while the outside diam¬ eter at its base is twenty-six feet ten inches, the interior measurement is but ten feet. Its color or day mark is white part of the way from the base of the tower, and it completes its individuality by two horizontal stripes of red and white for the remainder of the distance upward. in the United The oldest lighthouse States is the Boston Light, on Little Brewster Island, at the main entrance to Boston Harbor. It is a light of the sec¬ ond order, flashing every thirty seconds, thrown from a tower 111 feet above sea level and visible for sixteen and a half miles. So greatly was this light es¬ teemed that in 1718, when the first keeper, a certain George Worthylake, lost his life in a storm, together with that of his wife and daughter, Benjamin Franklin wrote a ballad thereon and hawked it about the streets of Boston. During the Revolution this light passed to and fro between the British and Americans, until, when the British fleet evacuated Boston Harbor, it was blown up by them. It was, however, restored by Alassachusetts in 1783, and rebuilt in its present shape in 1859. The Farallon Light, on the largest of the Farallon Islands, off the entrance to San Francisco Bay, Cal., commands the surrounding sea from the great height of 360 feet. It is lonely enough, this Farallon Light, with its conical, white tower 'perched upon with the very neighbors highest point of the rock, no save tbe screaming gulls, and a weird and mournful sound issuing from the depth of the rock every forty-five sec¬ onds, a first-class steam siren or fog horn occupying a subterranean cave. The well-protected Boston Harbor can also boast of another fine light, the cele¬ brated Alinot’s Ledge Light, founded veritably on a rock, holes twelve inches in diameter and five feet deep being drilled therein to receive the heavy wrought iron piles on which this octagon tower is built. Such is the present struc¬ ture, the first one being sw'ept away in 1851 .after the labor of eleven years having been expended upon it. So important was this warning signal considered, that in May, 1855, the work of rebuilding it wfiS begun, and completed in 1860, and as the sun went down on the evening of November 15 of that year, the magnifi¬ cent star of Alinot’s Ledge Light shone out steady and clear from its tower. The “Outer Alinot’s,” on which this light stands, has rarely a surface greater than twenty-five feet, which is left uncovered by the sea ; the lighthouse tower is therefore the realm in which the keepers must live and move and have their being. The structure is divided into five stories, svith a sixth compartment directly under the br*eru, constituting the keepers' rooms, store rooms, etc., and the entire cost of this light was $300,009. Such structures are litely to be super- sededby towers of iron instead of masonry, ■ as being lighter and especially adapted td sites, where altitude and lightness of weight are both indispensible. The two representative ones of this order are those < n the Fowey Rocks and American Shoals, Florida, and which rest on iron piles driven into a foundation of coral rock. The first of these fine structures built at Fowey Rocks, at the northern extremity of Florida Reefs, was begun in the spring of 1867, and completed on .Tune 15, 1878, ’ the whole sum expended being but $ 175 O0 0. Lighthouses are divided into various orders, from first to sixth, according to the strength of lens apparatus. They are placed on capes, rocks and headlands, and vary from eighteen to twenty-seven their nau¬ tical miles in the carrying power of lights. Second and third order lights are employed to mark islands, reefs, sandbars, etc., while the lights of an in¬ ferior order are used at the entrances to harbors and channels. The river lights are very simple in their arrangements, consisting of a pole with an arm at its top to support a lantern, or sometimes an iron spindle inserted into the rock in the bed of the river. Pier-head lights are peculiar to the harbors of the great lakes, and are twe parallel piers of crib-work filled with stone and run out into the lake. On om pier is placed a light of the fourth or fifth order, in a fr;me structure, either square or polygonal, in which is a room for sup¬ plies and a place for the keeper to sleep. Buoys are used to mark channels, and are of two varieties, lighted and unlighted, there being but few of the former, and those lighted by compressed illuminating gas and electricity. It may have been a matter of wondei to the many in this age of electrical ap¬ pliances, that that agent has not super¬ seded the use of mineral oil in the major¬ ity of lights. This is partly owing to the fact that the electric light being a pure white light does not show as dis¬ tinctly in the white opaque atmosphere of a fog as does the yellow illumination of. the mineral oil, and partly to the fact that electric application is not yet suffic¬ iently perfected to render it thoroughly reliable. The lightships are schooner stronglj built, brilliantly painted, and with a col¬ ored disk suspended from each mast to distinguish them from ordinary vessels by day, while at night there are power¬ ful lights hoisted, consisting of eight or nine lamps with reflectors arranged in a circle, inclosed in a lantern, which are lowered to the deck into a small house during the daytime. These vessels are provided with a fog-bell and sometimes a fog-whistle, and are stationed on shoals where it is impossible to establish any other kind of warning light, being held fast in their position by an anchor weigh¬ ing about 3000 pounds, and carrying its name “mushroom anchor” by its peculiar shape. There arc twenty-three of these lightships now in position on the coast, and they are much used in the English service. In all of the States heavy fines and im¬ prisonments are meted out to those who interfere, with these aids to navigation, and in Florida the penalty of a certain number of stripes to be applied to the person of the transgressor is added. The manufacturing establishments ol the Lighthouse Board and the general depot of supplies for the United States are on Staten Island, and these supplies are distributed by the aid of steam ten¬ ders. The whole cost of the United States Lighthouse Service foots up pei year to the grand total of $1,415,500. The coast is divided into fifteen dis¬ tricts, each district having a naval office! as inspector, who is expected to examine all the stations in his district once every three months, making reports to the board monthly covering all things con¬ nected with each station, furnishing tc the engineers notes of needed repairs, and attending to salaries of keepers and sup¬ plies of stations. In addition, each sta¬ tion has an engineer, an officer of the army, who has charge in some cases ol two or three districts, and to whom is confided the construction and repairs o all fixed aids to navigation within the circuit. The number of lighthouse keepers for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1888, was 1024, their salaries varying according to the importance of lights and cost of liv¬ ing in different sections of the country; for out of their salaries the keepers are expected to pay for their uniforms and cost of living. The salaries paid on the Pacific Coast are about $1000, while along the Atlantic there is but one, the Alinot’s Ledge keeper, who gets that amount. As a rule the keepers of $700 lights of the first order receive from to $800 per year, whilst those of the lower orders range from $500 to $600. The salaries of assistant keepers vary from $400 to $550, whilst those of the Cap- tains of the light vessels are from $750 to $1000 .—New York News. ■v Paper From Spider AVebs. George AVest, of Ballston, is in pos- session of a curiosity in paper, sent him by a friend in Hong Kong, China. It is a sheet eleven by fourteen inches, made from the web of the “sacred white spider” of the Flowery Kingdom. It is as light as air and almcst as transparent, but is also beautifully printed, contain- ing about two columns of matter, giving in English the story of how “Alidship- man Copplestone Was Presented at the Court of Pekin.” Americans know much about paper making, but it is safe to say that there is not a spider w eb paper fac- tory outside the almond-eyed kingdom.— St. Louis Republican. POPULAR SCIENCE. .It is said that ten per cent, of alum, added to plaster of paris while being burned, renders it as hard as marble on setting, and capable of taking a fine polish. Iodide of nitrogen is the most sensi¬ tive substance in existence, and when in a dry state explodes from the weight of a fly descending upon it, or on being touched with a feather. Signor Schiaparelli, the eminent Mil¬ anese astronomer, well known for his researches on the canals of Mars, says he has ascertained, after ten years’ investi¬ gation, that Mercury has a rotation like that of the moon. A new botanical garden in the Alps of Valais is situated on a cone-shaped knoll about 200 feet high, at an alti¬ tude above sea-level of more than 5600 feet. Plants from all the alpine regions of the globe will be cultivated. The French cavalry have ad opted small steel claws to be screwed into the horseshoes during the winter months when the roads are frozen and slippery. Two claws are placed in each shoe, the men being furnished with a complete set of eight. Experiments on the mental powers of hundreds of spiders have been made by. Messrs. G. W. and E. G. Peckham. Evi¬ dence was given that faculty of smell is fairly developed in all but three out of twenty-six species, but the position of the organ ol smell was not found and is not known. A member of the California Micro* scopical Society, Mason Kinne, of San Francisco, has been making some re¬ markable experiments, the results of which have caused the gentleman to de- 1 clare his belief in the hypothesis that all atoms, whether mineral, animal or vege¬ table, are male or female. The average weight of the male brain is forty-nine and a half ounces; of the female forty-four ounces—a difference of over five ounces. Woman’s brain has a higher specific gravity, The man has a larger brain in proportion to stature (Marshall), but woman’s brain is larger in proportion to her weight. Recommended as a very strong cement for iron is a mixture of equal parts of sul¬ phur and white lead w r ith about one- sixth part of borax. When used, the composition is wet with strong sulphuric acid, and a thin layer is pressed between will the pieces of iron. In five days it be hard and appear like welding. •I When Sir J. Ilerschel was defending the character of astronomical science in view of an error of nearly 4,000,000 miles in estimating the sun’s distance, the correction was shown to apply to an error of observation so small as to be equivalent to the apparent breadth of a human hair at a distance of 125 feet. A letter from Port Spain, Trinidad,' speaks of the recently discovered curative qualities of a plant locally known as cousin mahoe, whose botanic name is the. triumfetta scmitriloba. In cases of dys¬ pepsia, indigestion and liver complaints the therapeutic effects of this plant have been simply wonderful. The doctors on the island prescribe it largely, knowing its valuable properties. . > It has been shown that the duration ol a lightning flash is not infinitesimal, but that the flash lasts a measurable time. For example, if one sets a camera in rapid vibration and exposes in it a plate so as to receive the impression of the flash, it is found that the impressions appear widened out on the negeative, showing the negative to have moved during the time the flash w r as in existence. Not Disposed to Invest in Silverware. “We meet some queer people among the many w'ho are constantly flitting into end out of this store, but an old man and bis wife, upon whom I waited a few days ago, took the prize for pure, unadulter¬ ated simplicity. The couple were evi¬ dently on their first visit to New York rom the country. AY’hen I approached them tile old lady, who was undoubtedly master of ceremonies, stated that they wanted to purchase a soup tureen. it 4 Do you want plated ware or silver?' I asked. U 4 Solid silver, ter be sure,’the woman responded, with a glance that, had I been anybody else than a salesman, would have frozen me. i “After seeing a numbev of designs the old lady decided upon one and inquired the price. dollars,’! ' “ ‘One hundred and twenty answered, as 1 called to a boy to take the article to the shipping room. - “ ‘What!’ she almost screamed. ‘One hundred and twenty dollars fer that? Wall, I swan.’ For a few minutes they gazed at me, as if I had expressed an in¬ tention of robbing them, after which they conferred together. Presently the old gentleman turned around, and in a quivering voice said he guessed they’d better buy a plated tureen, as that was just as good. j “We have several dozen designs in examining plated ware each in stock, the and old after lady criticallyj plucked 1 one up courage enough to ask the price of one that had only recently been pro¬ duced, and was selling for $18. WheiF I mentioned the price, she looked blan’ ly at her husband and said she gue we didn’t have anything to suri As they were going out of thp . overheard the remark: ‘AY dear stores these in New Y sure. I wouldn’t pay soup tureen—no, not : in the country * one