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c~ !; -BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM t VARIOUS SOURCES. f “Weep, and You Weep Alone”—The Same Old Dun—If He Only Had Them Overestimated Its Value—Needed Rest, Etc. ... * us - If you are not in danger. pr E'en the dog in the manger rj May offer to lick your hand: S3 But it' in adversity, Every man lick in the if city Will you he can. —New York Herald. THE SAME OLD DUN. “Did you tell the giocer that I am not receiving calls of any kind to-day?” “ Yessir; but he said as how you ought to appoint a receiver, then.”— Puck. OVERESTIMATED ITS VALUE. “I hear you struck a 2.40 gait when left Miss Bjones’s last.” : you “Oh no; that gate cost more than that; 2.40 won't more than pay for the re¬ pairs.”— Bazar. couldn't survive it. Two young girls were discussing a re¬ cent execution the other day in a rail¬ way carriage on the Brighton Road: “Fancy being hauged!” exclaimed one. 4 ‘Imagine the disgrace.” “Oh, horrible!” coincided the other. “I am sure I should never survive it.”— London Fun. AN ARTIST’S SARCASM. First Artist—“I have got an order from Mrs. Portly to paint her portrait. Second Artist—“I suppose she wants a good likeness—something that looks lifelike and natural '” First Artist—“No, on the contrary, she says she wants a handsome picture.” — Texas Sift ings. IF IIE ONLY HAD THEM. “You must have patience, my young man, if you expect to succeed,” expostu¬ lated a gentleman with a young physician, who had jtist hung out his sign and was getting restless, as no work came to him. “I know that,” replied the young doc¬ tor, “but how on earth am I to get them? ’— Atlanta Constitution. WHERE TO GET AIR. Without consulting any of the other passengers an old fellow in a railroad car lets down both windows, and then remarks (looking round complacently) —“A cold norning this, but 1 must say I like air!” Fellow-Pasengor (gruffly)—“Why in thunder don’t you get out on the roof?'’ — Chatter. NEEDED REST. Auxiou* Wife—“Doctor, how is my husband i" Doctor—-“He will come around all right. What he needs now is quiet. I have here a couple of opiates. 4 4 When shall I give them to him?’’ “Give them to him? They are for you, madam. Your husband needs rest.” — Texas Siftings. HIGHLY PLAUSIBLE. Jack Ripley (feeling in all his pockets) —“Strange where the deuce it went to! I can’t seem to— ” Haberdasher—“Lose anything, sir?’’ Jack Ripley—“Well, Iwantyou to see that all-wool undergarment you sold me two weeks ago—but I guess it must have slipped through a hole in my vest.”— Dry Goods Chronicle. a nice discrimination. A railroad man tells this story: “Out ou the road all the hotel employes knew me and catered to my appetite for good edibles. At one time I ordered a beefsteak, and a stranger next me at the table said he would take the same, where¬ upon the rascally waiter called out: 44 4 Two beefsteaks—one for a railroad and the other for a gentleman. 7 77 man Chicago Times. JOY UNSPEAKABLE. “Wonder what’s the matter with Harry and his wife? They don’t even speak to | each other now, I’m told.” “So? Then Harry wasn’t disappointed in his anticipations. ” “How’s that?” “Why, he told me before he was mar- Tied to Carrie that it would be a joy un- speakable to pass his life in her society.” _ Boston Transcript. • STRONG EVIDENCE. “Young man," said the boarding mis- tress, stcrnlv, “your comments are out of plgce. r 1 made biscuit, sir, fifty years * * g “Verv likely,'’ the sinner's replv, was adding in an agitated undertone to his side partner, “and if circumstantial evi- dence goes for anything, this specimenn I'm whetting my teeth on is one of 'em."’ —Philadelphia Turns. A DISTINCTION AND A DIFFERENCE. 44 Mrs. Brindle—“I must have some money to-day, William. * I'm going shopping.” (in surprise)—“What ^ do Mr. Brindle you want with money?” (ditto)—“How I buy Mrs. Brindle can goods without money?” going to Mr. . Brindle—“Oh! you're buy something? I thought you were only going, shopping.” — Lippincott ’* Magazine. HAD BEEN IN THE BUSINESS. A seedy-looking individual stepped into the hotel and said to the clerk “Fve been in the business myself, b’ I'm broke: and can’t you help the pro fession ?” He was given the best meal the house afforded. As he sauntered back, com¬ placently picking his teeth, the clerk queried: < . Bin in the biz, hey?” ‘-Yes.” “Hotel or boarding?” “Boarding”—here* they reached the door. “Boarding what?” ‘•Boarding freight trains!” And a dull, dun streak sped around the coi ner.— Light. HAD HAD EXPERIENCE. “Well, now, this is something like,” xciaimed Mrs. Nevvwife, awakening her husband suddenly from a stolen after- dinner nap. “It says here in the paper that at the Hotel Bernina, in Samoden, they are cooking beefsteak by electricity. What a blessing that will be to the poor, overworked women if it becomes gen¬ eral.” “What are they doing?” grunted the husband, only half awake. 4 4 Cooking beefsteak by electricity.” “Where?” “In a foreign hotel.” i 4 Umph! Nothing very new about that. Never got a piece of hotel beef¬ steak yet that didn’t look as if it had been struck by lightning .”—Detroit Fret Press. ONLY SURPRISED HIM. “Whata homely man,” said Prettitome the stranger, as he strolled down the village street with his friend, “Yes,” said his friend, “that is Peter Gray; he is very homely, but the pleas¬ antest tempered man in the world. You can’t, make him mad; no matter what you do you can't anger him.” 4 4 Dollars to doughnuts,” said the stranger, “I can rile him all up.” He walked up to Peter and caught hold of his grey beard. “You miserable old swindler,” he said. “You surprise me,” said Peter, with an impatient gesture. When Prettitom recovered conscious¬ ness he was lying on the drug store counter, and they were bathing his face. “What was that he said?” ho murmured in broken tones. “He said that you surprised him,” re¬ peated his friend. 4 4 That's what I thought he said,’’mur¬ mured the stranger, 4 4 Let us return thanks that I didn’t irritate him.” CHICAGO VANQUISHED BY BOSTON. Footpad (presenting pistol)—“Fork over your rhino, and be quick about it!” Near - sighted Bostonian — “ Beg pardon!” Unlimber! (Sternly) “No monkeying! Produce the scads!” “Pardon me, but I do not apprehend the drift of yiur-” “Cease your patter! Don't you see I’ve got the drop? Unload your boodle!” “I am totally at a loss, my dear sir, to perceive the relevancy of your observa¬ tions or to-” “Clan a stopper on your gab and whack up, or I’ll let ’er speak! Turn out your bundle quick! Get a squirm oi» you! “Is there any peculiarity in the ex¬ ternal seeming of my apparel or de¬ meanor, sir, that impels you, a total stranger, to-” “Once more, you dash-bedashed bloke, will you uncork that swag?” (Hopelessly bewildered) “My friend, I confess my utter inability to gather any coherent idea from the fragmentary ob¬ servations you have imparted. There is something radically irreconcilable and incapable of correlation in The vocabu¬ laries with which we endeavor to make the reciprocal or correspondential inter¬ change of our ideas intelligible. Y T ou will pardon me if I suggest that syn- chronization of purpose is equally indis¬ pensable with homogeneity of cerebral impression, as well as parallelism of idiom and-” * But the highwayman had fled in dis- ma y.— Chicago Tribune. The Future of Our Planet. Among the writings of those who love to speculate on the future of our planet there is probably somewhere (though we have not had time to discover it) an essay on the cosmical changes which man will he able to produce in the earth. The data for solving this problem are striking, all In a few centuries man has acquired those represented P° w «* by °\ his er knowledge ^d solid of objects explo- 3ues ant his use of steam. Multiply tne centuries, and With them the history, by convenient figures (a familiar process in thls kiu ? of problem) and there is no reason why the earth s axis of rotation “ houlrl not be sb,ftcd considerably by human ag ency. Aature. _ , hardening , . metals, , . has _ lor a powder lately been introduced which is made as follows After extracting the color from the cochineal insect, 100 parts of the residue are mixed with 2024 parts of phosphoric acid with sufficient nitrogen- ous organic substance to give 32 ± parts of nitrogen; the mixture is then evapor- ated, dried, and fifty parts of soot added, Sheet iron may be hardened by heating : i contact with this powder in hermetic- ally closed boxes. 801111 EM JNOTES. INTERESTING NEWS FROM ALL POINTS IN THE SOUTH. GENKRAI. PROGRESS AND OCCURRENCES WHICH ARE HAPPENING below ma¬ son's AND DIXON’S LINE. A gang of forgers of Italian and Span¬ ish bonds lias been captured at Trieste. The Mississippi State board of health at Jackson on Tuesday ordered the quar¬ antine to commence at the port of Pasca¬ goula May 1st. , . Monday was the day. according to Erickson’s prophecy, in which San Fran¬ cisco would be destroyed, and the cranks weie encamped on the hills outside of the city, awaiting the news which never came. Wakefield W. Price, aged 18, died of meningitis, at Salisbury. X. C., Friday night, at midnight. The doctor said the disease would not necessarily have been fatal had not Price been addicted to ci¬ garette smoking. Thomas Henning, who was injured by an electric wire some time ago, was awarded $4,000 damages in the United States court at Charleston, S. C., on Fri¬ day in a suit against the Western Union Telegraph company. He sued for $5.H ■ 000 . Spotted fever is raging as an Henshaw epidemij in Union county, Ky., near deatlj The people are terrified, sixteen having so far occurred at Ilensliaw. Til disease is so violent that people are boai| fleJ ing by scores. The state health I . have asked for help. News has convicts been received in Rockingham of a desperatj ooml attack by tv, N. C., upon a guard knocked named down, B. V.M bad! <1 Kensie. He was aiil beaten and robbed of $75. His gun revolver were also taken by the convicts I who then made their escape. The Anniston, Ala., of Hot Birmingham Blast uot<| arl that the clergymen discussion the kill having a lively held over in that city] miss, which is being Episeopa under the auspices of the church. Twenty-three ministers of thl city, at a conference, entertainment. passed resolutions denouncing the Rube Smith, of Lamar county. Waynesboro] Ala. was on Friday morning, train at robbery. II«1 Miss., convicted of will not get more than ten years’ sentence. Rube Smith was with Rube Burrows, the noted outlaw, in holding up the Mobile Miss.j and Ohio train, near Buckatuniui, thousand September 25, 1889, when two I dollars were taken from an express car. Under the charter of the proceed! Georgil Southern and Florida railroad, iugs have been commenced at Thonia* ville, Ga., to condemn the right-of-wi* in that city, and also tor terminal faeii u ties. A jury of six citizens have be appointed to make the awards. After; the preliminary arrangements have be! completed, it is expected that work ( the road there will commence immediatel A meeting of the New Orleans cott(W exchange was held Tuesday for the pur¬ pose of considering the Butterworth bill. President Parker, who presided, made an address, stating that if the bill became a law it would affect between $500,000,- 000 and $1100,000,000 yearly business and have a serious effect on the trade and commerce of this county. Resolutions were passed strongly protesting against the passage of the bill and calling upon each member of the exchange to do his utmost. Tuesday was the first sale of lots at New England City, Ga., a town estab¬ lished a few months since by New Eng¬ land people. The town is located four¬ teen miles south of Chattanooga. Sever¬ al hundred excursionists, from New England, came in on a special train. Three hundred and fif v lots were sold, aggregating $168,000. Fully two thou¬ sand people were attracted to the town. Most purchases made were by New Eng¬ land people. The lots averaged about $20 a front foot. ANOTHER BREAK- IN THE LEVEES, AND A TOWN TWO FEET UNDER WATER. A New Orleans dispatch of Saturday, says: The break in the Atchafalaya levee, which occurred Wednesday, two miles south of Sirasport, in Point ide Coupes parish, is now six hundred feet w and seven feet deep. The town of Simsport is said to be about two feet under water. Cason levee, ou the west bank, about seventeen miles north of Nelville, broke on Saturday night. This break is said to be 390 feet wide and ten feet deep. Ad¬ vices were also received at Big Bend levee of Bayou des Glaisa. eight mi Ira west of Simsport, badly broken. CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. Jones was hunting one diywhen boar’s le found himself confronted by a cub. “I ccnfess that 1 did not want 1 > lire,” he said to a friend in relating the cir¬ cumstance; “but it it had been a full- gre.wu one the:e would have been a life- and-death str.’gg e between us.” “So you took pity on him ?’ “No; I put spuis to my has • and got J out ble, cf for the I neigh knew b the rhood little as soon rascal's as pus s j a j ltU diua could not be farotf."-fJi:dg^ the sensation ®r tne v hineae quarter in San Francisco is Ling Chuck, who is known all over the Celestial world as the most celebrated actor of the age. He came to this country under a ten months’ engagement, for §5,000, and among his accomplishment? is that of being able t > leap over chairs and tables with the agility of an insect, the appel¬ lation of applied “che human him. fly” being not inaptly to T. H. 'WRIGHT. w. rr alLejt. WRIGHT & ALLEN, --DEALERS IX Dry Goods, Groceries, Hats, Shoes, HARDWARE AND PLANTATION SUPPLIES. We can furnish you with High Grade Fertilizers, the best on the market. Try them. Best quality Corn, Hay, Oats, Bran. Our stock of Ladies’Goods is complete, and we exten d a cordial invitation to call and inspect pkysgd with what we have PB0FESSI0NAL CARDS. Smith. W. P. Blasingame. [WITH & BLASINGAME, rORNEYS AT LAW, Knoxville, Ga. »t and faithful attention given to .incss entrusted to their care. HONEY CHEAP AND EASY. (o) on want CHEAP AND QUICK !Y, on easy and liberal terms, you t it by calling on IV. P. BLASINGAME, Attorney at Law. Knoxville, Ga. G EORGIA— Crawford County.— James A. Moore and John J. Cham¬ pion, executors of James Roberts, de¬ ceased, have applied to me for letters of dismission from their executorship. Un¬ less good objections are filed, I will grant them letters dismissory on the fiist Monday in June, 1890. Witness my hand officially this the 4th day of Much, 1890. O. 1\ WRIGHT, Ordinary. EORGIA— Crawford Count y.— Uw. K. Eubanks Executor of Eligab Eubanks, deceased, has in due form ap¬ plied to me for letters of dismission from his executorship. Unless good objec¬ said tions thereto are filed, I will grant to W. K. Eubanks such letters dismissory on the 1st Monday in June, 1890. Witness my hand officially. O. P. WRIGHT, Ordinary. G EORGIA —Crawford County. —W. M. Taylor, administrator of estate of Rufus Carter, deceased, has applied for letters dismissory from the administration of said estate, and such letters will be granted on the first Monday in May next, unless good objections are filed. Witness my hand officially, this January 27th, * 'WRIGHT, 1890. O. P. jan 31-13 Ordinary. P EORGIA— Crawford County. —A. U C. Sanders and James M. Sanders, executors of the will ofThos. J. Sanders, deceased, have applied to me for letters dismissory from their executorship; therefore all persons concerned are here¬ by required to show cause, if any they have, on the first Monday in May next, why such letters should not be granted. Witness my hand officially, January 27th, 1890. O. P. WRIGHT, Jan. 31—13t Ordinary. GEORGIA —Crawford County. — II. U M. Burnett, administrator ou estate of Mrs. Martha Stembridge, deceased, has applied to me for letters of dismis¬ sion from the administration of said es¬ tate, and same will be granted on the first Monday in July next, unless good objections are filed. Witness my hand officially this April 1st. 1890. WRIGHT, - O. P. Ordinary. p EORGIA— Crawford County. —W. U J. Slocuinb. as administrator of the estate of S. P. Williamson, deceased, ha<- applied for letters of dismission from said trust. This is therefore to cite all persons concerned to show cause, if any they have, within application the time should prescribed by law why said not be granted. hand officially this, the Witness my 31st day of March. 1890. (>. P. WRIGHT, Ordinary. W.F. BLASINGAME DENTIST, xville, - - Georgia. spectfully tender my services in the se of Dentistry to the citizens of Knoxville and surrounding country, and will spare no effort to secure satisfaction. my patrons com petent work and perfect .’-IF”Charges Beasonable. KNOXVILLE HIGH SCHOOL SPRING TERM. Opens Tan nary 13 Closes .. . June 27 FALL TERM. Opens September !. Closes December 19. Hate of tuition for All Classes. $2 pel month. A pro rata allowance will be made for Public Fund. Each pupil will be taught by the most modern methods. 1 cordially solicit your patronage. Fur¬ ther information will be cheerfully fur¬ nished by C. C. POWER, Principal. THE HARRIS HOUSE, KNOXVILLE, GEORGIA. Always open to public patronage. We try to please our guests. Comfortable Room and good Fare. Free hack to and from Depot. 21, T. HARRIS, Proprietor. NOTICE. I will be at the following places for re- ceiving tax returns for the present year, 1890: Monday. Tabers, 21st day of April on Tuesday. Rogers, 22d “ 4 4 “ Wednesday. “ Sowell’s 23d “ “ “ Thursday. Sandy Point.24th “ “ “ Webb's 30th “ • Wednesday. Hammocks 1st “ “ May Thursday. Beasley’s 3d ( 4 “ Friday. Knoxville 10th “ * 4 “ Saturday. R. H. KNIGHT, Tax Receiver. March 19tb. 1890. tf The United States steamer Ent-:rp:iy- which has been ordered out of commit.- will, her repairs have been maae. as soon as station. She return to the European John { carry the body of inventor Sweden for final interment.