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VOL. I. THE CABINET Is published every Saturday, by P. L. 110 BINS ON, fVarrenton , Geo. at three dollars per annum , ivhich maybe discharged by two dollars and fifty cents if paid within sixty days of the tune of subscribing. Select Tales. JONAH ELDERBERRY, ESQ AND TIIE DISAPPOINTED OLD MAIDS on love in a mist. Iti a small village lived Miss Brig ct and Miss Dorothy. The villagers were apt to call them, when speaking of them, Mrs.; but in retaining the prefixed Miss, I have the sanction of’ their own invariable custom; and surely they had a right to decide on their own appellation. These two old maids had long been the stockfish of the village. They were a sort of landmarks, and were supposed, by the juveniles of the place, to be coeval with the market cross. That this, however, was not the case, appeareth from the regis ter of the parish church. We can most truly and seriously assure our readers, that the sin of old maidenhood did not lie at the door of either of these ladies. On the contra ry, their efforts to divorce themselves from. cclibicy had been numberless. The learned professions had encoun tered a full display of their charms. Two successive vicaes had obtained dispensations, and left to the curates the cure of souls. Two curates were married men. Two succeeding ones had resigned their situation. The Ollapods and Brief wits were bescigcd iti vain. One by one if the apothecaries eva porated, and the attorneys would not plead, though their was every chance of an ‘0 yes’ from the respondents. Fate at length directed to the viN lage Jonah Elderberry; Esq., a younger son‘s younger son, Who re tired in the fifty eighth year of his age, on a gold beaded cane and a life annuity of one hundred and nineteen pounds, odd shillings, odd pence, tli bequest of an old aunt; for whom J • nail had invented a tooth powder equally choice and cheap. Jonah El derberry* Esq. was a little man, ami a great beau; (on his arrival in the vicinity of the two spinsters, he wis called the beau with two strings.) lie wore a little wig, very neat, and always appeared in a cltwamdn-col oil red coat, and a faded apple-bloom complexion, lie carried age well; he also carried, on damp days, a small silk umbrella with an ivory handle. lie wore silk stockings with long clocks, and being inside of the clocks, he was sometimes called Bell hammer, which accounts for his Seek ing harmony with the two spinsters —They heard of the name given him, and changed it to Bel amour. To Mr. Elderberry, accordingly, both ladies laid siege. They be seiged him, in hopes that he would beseech them; but each flattered her self with the hope of being the lucky she, and of disappointing the other. This was a powerful by-motive, for they were bosom friends. However, Mr. Elderberry’s conduct was suf ficiently ambiguous—not that he fail ed in paying the most decided atten tions to either lady—on the contrary, be was equally assiduous to both; and here was the mischief. So equally did he divide himself, that he ran a chance of being cut dead, a castro phy which was only prevented by the scarcity of bachelors in the vil lage. To recur once more to th clock—which is making the most ot time—he was like a pendulum so im Rural Cabinet. i partial were ms vibrations uetween the ‘two parties.’ At length, however it appeared that things were coming to a crisis. M iss Dorothy had had super natural’ indications that something was going to come. For three several mornings, the coftVegrounds had given myste i rious hints; bridecake appeared in her dreams, and cradles boun ed fro m tli o ft re; Th erindofan or an ge thrown over her shoulder arranged it itself in a true love-knot. Th it of a turnip, to be sure, had represented ani II; and why might not Elderberry be spelt with tliat letter? and even if it were not the first letter of Elder berry, it was certainly the last of Jo nah. On the morning of the fourth day came a little flourish on the kn icker, at the door of Miss Dorothy’s dwell ing, and a single knock by way of peroration, a sort of miniature town knock, or London rap in a consump tion. The door opened, and Miss Dorothy’s handmaid announced Mr. Elderberry. So ‘enter Jonah.’ There was something more of con straint in Miss Dorothy’s manner than usual as she motioned Mr. El derberry to a chair; a degree of con sciousness which looks very well at sixteen; but it is, perhaps, reversed, when the figures are reversed. This something, it has no name in the liv ing tongue, was not, however, confin ed to the spinster. It seemed even still more to occupy and overwhelm the bachelor. Several a-hems. lu> formation given and received on tii.it recondite subject, the state of the weather. • Lap dog very well?’ ‘Lap dog not very well, sick of a sui feit, occasioned by eating too ma ny stewed oysters, poor dear thing.’ ‘Friend Miss Bi iget very well?’ ‘M iss Bridget quite well. So passed half an hour. - At the expiration of this period, the conversation, after a sort of Rubicon like pause, was renewed.— V new key was touched; and a mystery un- I irked. .[ have ventured to wait on Miss Dorothy in consequence of—if— * a period or full stop. ‘No need of assigning any cause, vir Elderberry’s visits are always acceptable!’ Very good—-very kind—very kind indeed. But the occasion of my pro serit visit is one of so peculiar a na ture, one in which my happiness is s > materially a subject, that my dear Miss D >rothy must excuse any want >f connexion in detail of what it is iin possible, perhaps, explicitly to de tail.’ *[ believe—l think—-l imagine-—I understand your meaning, sir. Beg you will compose yourself.’ ‘Then, madam, this—this—the at tachment of which ( would speak, you are acquainted with!’ ‘I confess, Mr. Elderberry, to shew you the frankness with which 1 Mean —with which it is my wish to speak, I own l have suspected it. Be qoict Cupid.’ The last words where spoken to •he lap dog, and not to Mr. Elder berry. ‘And may I then venture —may I hope— -that this too, too tender pen chant of my heart for one of the most deserving of her sex, merits Miss Dorothy’s approbation? if so, •ny happiness will he complete,’ ‘Sir, I protest. lam not prepared Cupid, I say, hmv you tease me! I in not at this moment capable; my .gitation is such—prdon me, sir.* ‘H ow kind,* said Mr. Elderberry, iow compassionate! Yet forgiveme Warrenton, June 21, 1828. it i cannot leave iiis pi.ice without, knowing the sentiments of one whose judgment is so paramount,* T c maiden sighed, sidled, bridled, looked amiable, and said, ‘Sir, if you will take advantage of my agita tion, I do own your merit req tires it. Your proposal has my concur- i rence.* ) ‘I am the happiest of men*’ ex claimed the lover, *Y mr approbation only was wanting to perfect my fe licity; without that 1 could not have ventured to complete the union, dear as it is to my heart- ’ ‘Of course not!* said the lady, whom this singular truism rather a mazed! ‘Forgive me, madam, if I now leave you—you know a lover*s feelings, and 1 must hasten to expedite matters.’ And the gentleman Vanished, leav ing M iss 1) irotliy astonished, that he j should be in such haste to procure the license before the wedding day was fixed. An hour had not elapsed when Miss Bridget was announced. She was introduced to her friend's dress ingroom. •My and ear Dorothy, who do you think lias just left me? Ah! I see you guess; but of course you must,— he told me he had just left you.’ ‘lf you mean Mr Elderberry, my dear friend, certainly it is not long since he was here.* •Y* s 1 know lie lias opened it all to you; lie told me he had.* •Indeed! he wos in a great hurry to inpart his tidings. Yet lie seems so happy, one cannot hut pardon him.’ * Weil, mi y love, you know l have a favour to beg, which l am sure you will rrot refus ! our friendship will insure its being granted.* ‘1 think I guess,’ replied Miss Dor othy; *wcll but speak, my dear.’ ‘Why, you know, there must be a bride’s ms id on this occasion.’ ‘Precisely wha! 1 was thinking of. ’ ‘N \v 1 should he very happy, my dear Dorothy —’ ‘Alt! I understand you; yes, my dear trie ml, you certainly, in prefer ence to every other, sh ill be my bride’s mded.’ Yoar bridc‘s maid! Miss D irothy?’ ‘Certainly, i promise it to you.’ ♦Oil! that is when you are in trried: yes, then, certainly, y u shall return ne the coin’>l i neat!* AYhen I aid married! My dear Bridget, you are bewildered. D.d not you just ask to accompany ine as my bride‘B maid?’ ‘When! Where! what do you mean?’ cried the bewildered Bridget. ‘Madam, this is no jesti igj natter, I assure you; l look on your conduct as unfriendly.* ‘Madam, your conversation is un • intelligible—is strange —unaccount- able; in a word, do yon wish to appear as my friend on my approaching un ion with Mr. Elderberry, or not?’ ‘Your union, ma‘aio!* ‘Yes ma‘am! Mr. Elderberry has, as you know, this morning made pro posals— ’ ‘Yes, to ine;’ interrupted Miss Dor othy. ‘Did you nit say he told you of it?* His affection for me, he certainly told me he had, though, without con sulting me, informed you of: a liberty which I overlooked in him at the time. Had he known that 1 was to be thus insulted, he would have plac ed his confidence elsewhere.’ ♦Woman! it is false!* exclaimed Miss Dorothy, unable to suppress the to rr**nt of her rage. You! marry you! retorted the other, you old—you ugly wretch! Gome along this instant, come a- long! screamed Dorothy, and scizinS her Quondam friend by the arm, sh e dragged her away. The chair in which Miss Bridget had arrived was at the door—into it they both got; they were not very corpulent and tho vehicle was of easy dimensions. To Mr. Elderberry‘s! and to Mr* they were carried. Toe honour of this visit not a little surprised tho gentleman in question, who was arranging a quantity of white kid gloves, with who'll his ta ble was covered. Mr. Elderberry, you did me the honour of a visit this mornirfg, said M iss Dorothy, smoothing down her features as much us in her lay. 1 had certainly that felicity; and never, mad tin, did a visit at your dwelling confer more pleasure. Y hi sjioke, sir of—of—an intention —a desired—on your part, Isay—de sired union. Desired ma*am, I trust, nay, I know, on both sides. Indeed , sir,* with a toss; may I in quire, for the satisfaction of my friend and myself, the present name of the future Mrs; Elderberry. Are you not acquainted with it? ex claimed the astonished ba helor. I understood as much this morning, when 1 waited to gain your approval of the intended event; that is, of my marriage with iny beloved Mary Murray. M iry Murray! vile deceiver, ex claimed Miss Bridget. Mary Murray! you basest of men! exclaim'd Miss Dorothy. O Dorothy! O Bridge 1 ! deceived, betrayed, undone! wept, sobbed, and said both Indies in concert. Mr. Elderberry, did you not this morning ask me if 1 were acquainted with your attachment!’ To Mary, I did; I went to acquaint you and afterwards Miss Bridget, with the circumstance; by each I was told you were already acquainted with it- Thc ladies were dumfounded. The question of approbation they had con strued as a question of acceptance. Their h ipes were ruined, and the bachelor lost. They departed, were reconcic/d, and joined hatred to the new couple. They went home, Miss Bridget to fondle her cat, Miss Dor othy'to vent her bpleen upon Cupid. Deny every thing and insist upon proof. Lawyer Acmoody (said our vener able friend) figuered at th* bar in Es sex county, Massachusetts, some thing like a half century ago; he bad a student named Varnum* who hav ing just completed his studies, was journeying to a distant town in com pany with his master. Acmoody ob served to his student—Varnum, you have now been with me three years and finished your studies; but there is one important part of a lawyer‘B practice of great consequence that I have never mentioned. What is that? inquired the studeht, I will tell it, replied Acmoody, provided you will pay expenses at the next tavern. The student re©<l; and Acmoody imparted the maxim at the head of this article; The supper, &c. were procured; and on preparing to set off from the tavern, Acmoody remind ed Varnuni that, he had engaged to pay the bill —l deny every thing and insist upon proof, retorted Yarn urn.- The joke was So good, that Acmoody concluded it best to pay the bill him self. A dancer said ‘ You cannot stand on one leg as long as I,*—‘ No t * but a goose can.’ No. 4.