Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

Miscellaneous. The following whimsical, thougu well told story, is very descriptive ol the little jarrings wni< h sometimes tak<* place in matrimonial connexions, where the ‘ making up * is frequently as ludicrous as the -fulling out JOHN AND JOAN. Hail wedded love, the bard thy beauty hails; Though mix’d at times, with cock and hen like sparrings; But calms are very pleasant after gales; And dove like peace much sweeter after warrings. I’ve wntteu—l forget the page, indeed; But folks cnay find it if they choose to read— That marriage is too sweet without some sour— Variety oft recommends a flower. Wedlock should be like punch, some sweet, some acid, Then life is nicely turbulent and placid. A picture that is all light— Lord, what a thing! a very fright! No, let some darkness be display’d And learn to balance well with shade. John married Joan —they frown'd they smil’d; Now parted, and now had a child; Now tepid showers of love, now chilling snows: Much like the seasons of the year; Or like a brook, uow thick, now clear; Now scarce a rill, and now a torrent flows. One day they had a desperate quarrel Ab'.m a little small beer barrel, Without John’s knowledge silly tap’d by Joan; For Joan, to oblige her own friend li dge, Thoogiit asking leave of John was fudge; And so sue wisely left the leave alone, li h ppeu‘d that John and Joan had not two beds To rest their angry frowning brace o! heads; By Jove, there wa-tbut one TANARUS. rest then gentle jaws upon. ‘MI have a b iard between us,’ cried the man— ‘With all my heart, John,’ replied the w ft*: A board was placed, according to their pian; This barrier soon ended all the strife. On th first night, the husband lay Calm a- a dork, nor once wink'd over— Calm as a clock, too, let me say, Joan nevet wink'd upon her lover. Two, thre *, four nights, the sulky pair, Like two still birds devoid of care, In melancholy silence sought repose; On the fifth morn, it chanced to please John's no ie to sneeze— ‘God bless you dear! quoth Joan, at John‘s loud nose. At this John gave a sudden start, And popping o er th *. bmrd his head-*- ♦Joan, did you say it from your heart?’ ‘Yes. John, I really did, indeed! ‘You did?— ‘Yes, John, upon my word.’— ‘Say you so. Joan, then take away the board.* From the New Fork Courier, A NEWSPAPER. A newspaper! It is the cradle of gnius —the record of truth. Wood cut engravings adorn it, and the mu g.*s smile graciously upon it. A newspaper! It is a picture of the world. Cast thine eyes over its grim p .gen; like that all is confusion and bustle —each one pushing forward to attract attention by arts no matter how trivial. Little ships ami big ships; steam boats with their roaring wheels and black smoke, whiz past, us; post boys; boxes of tea and bar rels of Cognac; Franklin gridirons and La Fayette bedsteads; strayed animals and found animals, are ming led promiscuously together. ‘Mo n •>!’ cries the Lottery office. Fircj* cries the Insurance Company. Strange that between both men can-, imt get money and keep it—Some ap plicants for public notice are very n odest in their approaches, only so liciting favor ms long as they deserve it; others are more aware of their claims on public gratitude, and surely some are prompted by the very spirit of philanthropy. The same diversifi ed scene! In one column a fire, in the next a successful speculation. Here a man eats himself to death, there a child is starving, the widow solid's a pittance, and the rich man offers his loan; the register of Death numbers the old, the middle aged and the young. Matrimony! ah, the list is generally long ami am*oiling. AV tice! alas, some Jonathan is close at hand advertising his rib; what is the matter with thy wife, friend? is thy steak cooked too much! or are thy potatoes burnt up? or thy door locked at twelve P. M. and thou on the out side? or did she love gadding about? she must be a mild creature, for she makes no angry retrt. A newspa per! it makes one love this little round ball of earth. AH the ship-t are well built, copper bottomed, and fast sailing; the houses are in good repair—extensive out-grounds, delightfully situated; no lime bleach ed linens or damaged cainbricks; no mouldy almonds or musty oranges, or sour raisins; Madeira wine and Span ish segars are all of trans Atlantic origin. In short, every thing comes from its proper place. Human be ings too seem to be very social—so many partnerships. Sometimes in deed, we find some little soul, armed with a|paieut right, elbowing his way through the crowd, threatening ‘chains and slavery* to all who dan* invade his proper sphere; generally men seem to have coupled themselves together in loving fellowship*—Much as our world has been abused by mis anthropes and despised by poets, we doubt whether they would find in the clouds any thing half so convenient. Why here is every thing—Theatres and Circusses, rope-dancers and sing” ers, gardens and gun powder; doc. tors for the sick, teeth for the tooth less, wigs for the bald, braces for the ill shaped, rouge for the pale, and white lead for the rosy. It is indeed a bright and beautiful world, and we pray, genile reader, that thou mayest be preserved from the spirit of love and poetry; only read the newspaper punctually, and it will appear to thee bright and beautiful. THE UNFEELING FATHER. A Fragment. ‘Does nature refuse to plead for me,’ (said Marinda, kneeling before him,) or does she plead ill vain?* •You broke the sacred bands of na ture* said the old man, ‘when you left a father's fond protection, and a mother’s tender care to pursue the fortune of the only man on earth whom they detested.’ ‘An heavenly father,’ exclaimed Marinda, ‘forgives the sins of his children; and shall an earthly parent deny the charitable boon a repentant child demands of him?* ‘To that heavenly father, then,’ replied he, ‘I recommend you; my doors are no longer open to re ceive you; 1 have made a vow whic h shall never be br< ken. Let the friends of your husband protect his darling; you are mine no more!* •But these children, Sir, alas! what have they done! Leave me to the cru el fate that awaits me: but suffer not them to perish*’ •They arc none of mine,’ said the stern parent; *1 will never press them in my arms—they shall never sit up on my knees. I will foster no more ingratitude. Let him who begot them, take the spade and mattock and get them bread. No office is beneath the affection of a parent, w hen cbil dren have acted gratefully—l am yours no more.’ This was the final dialogue between Marinda and father, in the porch us ms bouse.; for she was admitted no further, lie shut the door against her, and retired to his chamber. The wind blew, and the rain beat hard, and she dared not encounter the tem pest; she remained in the porch— pressed her shivering babes to her ; bosom, and hoped that the morning'^ dawn would bring mercy along with it. But when the morning dawned, sho was no more! —The servants found her a clay cold corpse, and the two children weeping beside it. When Malvolio was called to see the spectacle he sunk down on the floor; life, indeed returned; but peace abandoned him forever. lie loves the children; but says, heaven in all i*s stores of mercies, has not one for me. Two Country attorneys, overtaking a wagoner on the road, and thinking to be witty upon him, asked why his fore horse was so fat, and the rest so lean? The wagoner knowing them; answered. *that his fore horse was a lawyer , and the rest were his clients In a trial, where Garrow and Jec kyl were employed as counsel, an old woman w’as brought forward as a wilnegs to prove that there had been ‘tender made,’ of money.—The old lady gave rather an equivocal evi dence; upon which Jeckyi, who oppos ed Garrow on the occasion, handed him this couplet w ritten with a pencil; ‘Garrow forbear! —that tough old jade, •Can never prove —a tender maiu. ’ In the play of Love and Reason, General Dorian is persuading a young adjuiant to marry; She is an •angel* says the General; T should not know what to do with an angel, retorted the adjutant. ‘She is all sweetness’ rejoined the General, *S>< is a bee hive, but it d‘>es not t**l i**w that, I should like to tlirosi my he .<1 into it,’ answers the single hearted adjutant. A lady and gentleman disputing upon a subject; the lady testily re marked, ‘Sir, we cannot agm in any one thing.’ The gentleman replied, ‘You are wrong, madam, and t will convince you of your error; it you were to go into a room in which there were but two beds, a woman in one, and a man in the other, with whom would you sleep?’ W i>h the wo in mi, most certainly,* answered the lady. ‘We agree exactly, returned the gen tleman, for so would L* MAXIMS. Human virtue is like the dying dol phin, exhibiting its most beautitul co lors in distress. A toper’s eye is like the moon, shin ing in a borrowed radiance from the nose.—Hence a dab in the proboscis darkens the peepers. When I see a y oung man, possessed of no more hon or than to be dunned, I guess he wiil never make a man of respectability. When 1 see a man quit work be cause he has three or four lured men to oversee, I guess he will have to go to jail to pay them. When I see a man suffer a siro** pie wife to run in debt at a store to whatever she fancies, I guess he will soon wish he bad never been married. j Wlienl see a lady possess a large portion of pride and affectation, i guess she lacks of delicacy and sense. When 1 bear a woman using pro fane language, I ihirik it time for swearing to be out of fashion, j When I pass by a house,and see the yard covered with stumps, old hoops, and broken wares, l guess the man is a horse joi key and ihe won- n a spinner'| street vwrn. Warren uperior i,urt. October Term 1828. John Wright, Henry J.^ Wright, Henry Highr, j tin right of his wife. & . - .. and B Jesse Pope, in 8.1 l f.r d.s right of Ids if,,V. L: °7O. r ° vg v r lief and dis- Joseph Hill and Chap- tribulion ’ pell Heath A’x'rs. of Richard Heath dec. It appearing to the court by return of the Sheriff that Chappeli Heath, one of the defendants in the above bill is not to be found in this county and by affidavits of Leonard Pratt, Sheriff that he resides without the lim its of the 9tate, on motion, it is or dered that service be perfected on tho said Chappell Heath by publication of this order, in some public Gazette of this state once a month for three months before the next Term of this court, and further ordered that the said Chappell Heath do appear and answer said bill on or before the first day of the next term of this court. True extract from the minutes of tiie Superior Court Warren comity*. Georgia October Term 1828. THOMAS GIBSON, elk. October 25th, 1828. m3m- 22. Georgia, Warren County. Superior Court , October Term , 1828, Joseph Grizzle*} vs, | Matilda Griz for Divorce zle, formerly j Matilda Weeks j It appearing to the ccurt by the re turn of the Sheriff that the defendant in the above case is not to be found in said county—lt is on motion ordered that service be perfected on said de ft ndant by pu’dicat n, of this rule in one of the public gazettes, of this State, once a month for three months. True extract from the minutes Su perior court Warren county Georgia, October Term 1828. 22.—m3m. THOMAS GIBSON, Cl’k, The Subscriber INFORMS those persons who have he eiofoie hud their w ork done by his Bta k Smith, and the public in general, that lip hai* lately erected anew shop in Warreinon, and is now ready to ex cuie work at the -hor'et notice and best man* ner, as lu- intends superintending the bu* si ness in person. He has taken into con sideration the ha* dness of the times and wfll therefore make moderate charges. Starling Jones. Administrators Sale. b<* sold, on the first Thursday V T in December next, at the late re sidence of Arthur Mathews, dec. in War ren cuutity, all the personal property of said dec. Sold for the benefit of the heir and creditors. Three plantation* laying in said county, will be rented at the same time. Edward Mathews, Adm’r. October 25. ■■■ in ■■■ —■ —> i ■ m<m —— hi —m ■— ■■ Georgia, Warren county. WHEREAS Edward Matthews ap plies for letters of Administration on the estate of Arthur Matthew®, dec. and Francis Hardaway applies for letters of administration on the estate of Mason S- Hirdaway, dec. These are therefore to cite and admon ish, all and singular, the kindred and cre ditor® of said deceased, to be and appear at my office, within the time prescribed by law, to shew caus*, if any they have, why said letter* shou'd not b,* granted. Given under mv hand the twenty third day of October 182s. Z. Franklin, c. c o. w. c. COTTON $ TOBACCO Ware-House, Augusta Georgia. JOHN REES, INFORMS his friends and the pwb lie, that In has taken the Ware- H>iise formerly occupied by Mi Laws and Hdt, which is situated in the rear of the Uity Hotel, and adjninir g the Eagle T vtrn Lot, for the pur pose of transact!’ g a WAREHOUSE AND COMMISSION BUSINESS Whenever required, he will be pre pared to make Liberal Advances on produce in Store, and his person al attention will at all times be ex clusively devoted to the interest of his customers. Augusta, Sept. 16, 2m—l6. A lad will be taken as an appren tice to the Printing business.