Newspaper Page Text
m) j-
JACKSON HERALD.
... iw • 'tr r • *—*■*.-■***. ~ .. rw; -i t--
ROBERT S. HOWARD,/
Editor and Publisher. \
VOLUME ir.
O - w . ID TJ DP JR E 3
Gr£tixios\/'illo, G-a.,
IS HEADQUARTERS for good reliable goods, and the Leader in Low Prices. My stock of General Merchandise is the
largest I have ever carried, and the most extensive and best selected stock ever brought to Gainesville. My
IDx*y CSrOOciiS Department
Is full and replete in every line. The most elegant line of DRESS GOODS. SILKS, SAIiNS, PLAIDS, SIRIPLS and
BROCADES ever offered here. A superb line of FLANNELS, WAIL!, PRO! O Si, CASIMLKLS, JEANS, CLOI.IiS, iV'C.
My stock of LADIES’ CLOAKS will equal that of every house in the city together. This line is complete in all grades.
Every lady can be suited here. My
Glove, Hosiery and Corset Departments
Arc full of the best goods and lowest prices. In MILLINERY, II ATS, RIBBONS and TRIMMINGS, for ladies wear, 1 have
an elegant line, with 3IISS MARY DEADEN a superb Trimmer, at the head of this Department.
GJlo-fcfcxxm.g' 2 OlotlxiijLg !
In my Clothing Department may always be found everything pertaining to a first-class clothing store. This stock is unequal
ed in this section. “ KEEP’S” Shirts, Collars and Cuffs a specialty. No fancy prices. L have the largest stock of Boots and
Shoes, for Gents. Ladies and Children, ever offered to the trad ft n Northeast Georgia. Ziegler’s Shoes, and other noted brands
in full lines. My stock is complete in every department, and as to prices I will guarantee to sell anything in my stock as low
as similar goods can be bought in Atlanta or Athens, or any other market. All I ask is an opportunity to convince you.
Come to Gainesville. Come to sec me. * C. W. DuPRE.
P. S.—l buy all kinds of Country Produce at highest market prices.
SPRING! SPRING! SPRING!
WE ARE XO IP RECEIVING OUR
SiEsio.xjNTCSr Stock,
CONSISTING OF
Calicoes and Diress Goods I
ALSO, A LARGE LOT OF
READY-MADE CLOTHING !
CO WE. AAVi S'EA. \A, W
UCTxo IBargretin SSStox*© i
WHITEHEAD & MAXWELL.
p KXTLKME.N: I have used Du. f laktek's Tiiox Tonic in my practice, an-.i in an experience of
“ twenty-five years in medicine, have never found anythin;' to give the results Hint Dn.llAßTKit’s
In<~>v 'Conii: does* fn Viiavy <A Prostration. Ten; !e Diseases, Dyspepsia, and an im
poverished condition or tneruood, th'tS peerless rornt*:T?, has in my hands, mam somewonth rfulcure3.
t ascs U-.r.t have baffled some of our most eminent Physicians, have yielded to this great and incompar
able remedy. I prescribe it in preference to any iron preparation made. In fact, sncli a compound
as 1)H. 11-VKXKu'd Iron Tonic is a neccssitv In mv practice. Du. ROBERT SAMUELS,
Sr. T.'irm. Mo.. Nov, 2CUi. I-Ti. Id lit Wash Avenne.
it gives color to the blood,\
‘natural healthful tone fol
the digestive organs and I
nervous system, making l
it applicable to Generali
Debility, Loss of A ppe- \
titc, I'rostration of Vital I
Foicers and Impotence./
MANUFACTURED BY THE DR. HARTER fiIEDICSWE C0,2t3 N. MAIN ST., ST. LOUIS.
m
THE UNITES STATES MAIL
s SEED store
s every man’s door. If our
m' SEEDS are not sold In your
town, drop usa Postal Card for
rinded .—. Handsome illustrated Catalogue
and Prices. Address D LANDRETM &SO MS , Philadelphia.
FEES tli
CORN MEAL,
FLOUR,
MEAT
AND
w&wy ofBLOC'fc'SLYEiS
A SPECIALTY.
PRICES TO SUIT.
AT
BRO CK.’S
Jefferson, Ga.
February 3d, ISS2.
A. R. Robertson,
DEALER IN
MONUMENTS
—AND— .
TOMBSTONES.
lot of specimens ready for lettering.
GIVE ZVEE Av. CALL.
~ t A. R. ROBERTSON,
°L 21, ISSI. Athens, Georgia.
. —T"' 1 — —’ U- ■ ' —■ —■ —— 1
HOP BITTERS^
(A Medicine, not a Drink,)
CONTAINS !
I hops, in cur, mandrake,
DANDELION.
I And tick TTrest and Best Medical Qfali-
TIES OK ALL OTllKli IiITTERS.
THEY CURE
All IMscasosof tlieStomach, Bowels, Blood,
S Liver, Kidneys, and Urinary Organs, Ner
vousness, Slceplcssnessund especially
Female Complaints.
SI ©CO EH GOLD.
| Will be paid for a case they will not cure or
] help, or for anything Impure or injurious
found in them.
| Ask your druggist fur ITop Bitters and try
jtheui before you sleep. Take uo Other.
D.I. C Is an absolute and Irrcslstiblecure for'
Drunkeness, use of opium, tobacco and
narcotics.
b£ES*3BEZ2 SEND EOS CiECULAE. IS ■'! ■IIHHI
All above sold by druvyistf.
Hop Bitters Mffj. Cos., Rochester, N. Y., A Toronto, Ont.
PARKER’S
GIHGERTONIC
An Invigorating Medicine that Never Snioxicates.
This delicious compound of Ginger; Buchu and
I many other of the best vegetable medicines known,
I cures Female Complaints, Nervousness, Wakeful-
I r.ess, and all disordersof the bowels stomach,liver,
! kidneys, nerves and urinary organs.
100 DOL.LA.RS-
I Paid for anything injurious in Ginger T onic, or for
3 a f.iiiuie to help or cure. Try it or ask your sick
I fiiend to try it To-Day.
50c. and S1 sizes at druggists Large saving
I buying dol'ar size. Send fur circular to Hiscox &
| Cos., 163 William Street, N. V.
[ Satisfies the most fastidious as a perfect Hair Re-
I storer and Dressing. Sold by all dealers in drugs
at soc. and sl.
Ia Tltv FIjORESTOX COLOfiNF. an exquisitely fmcrant
I ;>erfuiiie wili mcptiuiuilly fautiog y.rojrti;i. Sia<l"Se.
* '&vort proscription of one of
(now ret ired > lor ,• • t ‘ . rgs aII ( y xteca j.
Address DS. WARD A CO., Leers,see. Me.
HARRIS REMEDY CO. )
vcryyj.3tTg Cbcmßis and Sole Prop** ol
t •• • PROF.HARRIS’ PASTILLE REMEDY
Voting Mon .and otben who suffer
roni Nervous and Physical Debil
iiv, Premature Exhaustion an !
/•* their many gloom j consequences,
c ~~ —-—are quickly aa.l radically cured.
The Remedy is put up in boxes. >o. *1 (Lasting a month), |t.
No. *1 (enough to effect, a cure, unless in severe cases,) ?j ; No. 3
(lasting three mouths), $7. Sent by mail iu plain wrappers.
Dirrrliout for l -dug &rniai|ianr each Bor. Pamphlet descri
bing this disease and mode of cure sent sealed on application.
Subscribe for the Herald.
/ A combination of Pro-
I f oxide of Jeon, Peruvian
\ Dark dud Dhosphorus in
) a palatable, form. The
ynilij preparation of iron
I that trill not blacken the
I teeth,so characteristic of
\otlicr iron preparations.
JEFFERSON, JACKSON COUNTY, GA., FRIDAY. MAY 5, 18S2
vs Ae t\eA AVvy
Sill Arp is Mad Because the Old Sow
Opens Gates.
i And Hogs Come Three-Quarters of a
Mile to Pester Him—One o f the
Boys is Sick and the Other
Railroading , and Mrs.
Arp is Getting to he
Mighty Partic
ular.
[The Atlanta Constitution.]
The more a man does the more lie can
do, especially if there is a gentle
pressure behind him which says, don’t
stop, keep moving, here is another little
job for you to do. A farming man
may map out his work for to-morrow
ever so carefully, but it is mighty hard
to work up to it, for the first thing lie
knows the plow points are too dull or
a single-tree breaks in the new ground,
or a nabors hogs, that have got no
pasture but the big road, have broke
through the water gap. and it takes an
hour to run ’em out again, for a hog
wont go out at the same hole he came
in. These hogs that.pc- slei me so come
three quarters of a mile every day to
peruse my premises, and they have
lived on me all winter, and I've dog’il
'em pretty bad, but they come back
again next day and lie round a-watch
ing, and water gaps and gates n:e no
protection, for they are educated hogs.
Coho told me to catch one and mash
his tail-on a rook, but it did no good.
I can fix a gate that that old sow can't
oot open, but I'm not going to do it,
for she has no right to put her nose
under it and shake it and rock it and
lift it until she gets it open ; and I’m
not going to stake down my water gap
on the lower side either, for the creek
rises rapidly, and some times in the
night, and brings the rif-raf down, and
tiie gate must be free to rise with it.
Flie fact is nobody has any right to
keep such hogs unless they keep qm
at home, and I’ve borne with it until
patience is exhausted and I’ll have to
stand by my arms. Why. last Sunday
we all shut up the house and went up
to spend the day with our married
offspring, and when we come back in
the shank of the afternoon the old sow
and all her shoats were under the house
and had broke up two lien's nests, and
when I made war on her in my wrath
she actually showed fight and ker
flumoxed et me like the premises were
her's.
THE FENCE LAW AND THE HOGS.
The fence law as it is gives these
hogs a pasture in a lane nearly a mile
long anti open at both ends, and they
have got to forage on somebody or
meat will be scarce next fall. There
is a power of work to do now and it
looks like ray share of it is bigger thru*
usual for one of the boys has gone to
railroading ami another is puny. Well
lie is not down in lie-1 sick but, he is
not able-bodied enough to do hard
work an 1 keep at it. butjusS feeble
enough to go a fishing and set, on the
bank and get the biggest bites and
catch the smallest fish in the creek.
Mrs. Arp is mighty particular about
her children when their eyes look |
hollow and the}' complain of pains and
she is a mighty good doctor, but she
knows 1 have no time to get sick, and
so it's William this and William that,
and the other day she called me a quar
ter of a mile off, and when I came a
pullin’ and blowin’ she said the winder
curtain had fell down and wanted rat
io fix it. Some more new dirt was
wanted for the flower pots and boxes, I
and I had to bring her sum plea from
seven fence corners before I got the
right kind, and the big old fish genra
niums that don’t siueli good nor look
pretty had to be divided and set out
in the ground, and the scuppendinc
vine had to have an arbor m i t and
two more coops for the little chickens
that were hatching out had to be fixed
! up, and the new born ducks .had to
i have their tails rut off and. the peas'
j were to stick and the l.Ule chaps are
always saving papa ! hi s ami papa that,
and yesterday I had to t;;> e a basket
and a digging hoe end go way down
in the meadow, and on the creek, and
! dig up lillies, and violets, and all sorts
|of wild flower? for them to plant in
i their little fl >wer garden, a id they bad
jto have lien’s eggs, nud pigeon eg:s
l plowed out to paint and dye and fix
! up for Easter, and I had to make ’em
a draft-board, and saw spools in two
for draft men. and dye half of ’em
with ink, and it' some new thing every
day to do. and it is a good thing for
a family to have a willing horse to
work in any sortot harness, and though
I say it myself I’m that sort of a horse,
FOR THE PEOPLE.
and I think it suits me, for it is a
varygated labor and less monotony in
it than all day work at one tiling, and
it changes the musolfca and lets one
set rest while another set is at work,
and so a man don't get tired at all
unless l.e wants to. I thought I was
going to dodge the potato si p business
this year, but T had to go at it. and I
feel to-night like I was a hundred years
old in the back ; but 31 rs. Arp got me
up a good supper, for she knew I’d
come a grunting, and besides I brought
her some sweetwlimbs and honey
suckles from the woo 's, and these were
her favorites in the a} T s of auld lang
syne, and yesterday cleaned out the
old rubbish in the flower pit for her,
for she said she i.i there was a
snake in there somewhere and I dident
find the snake but found two eggs in
a nest and she wasent right sure they
wasent snake eggs until the old lieu
come cackling out of there this morn
ing.
MUS. Aur’s WORK.
But my work won't compare with
her’s by no means for there’s an ever
lastin sight of sewing and patching
and darning going on all the time and
she never gets done and every week’s
washing is to look over and sort out
and the missing buttons to sew on and
the rents to close and the churning
is to do and sometimes the dasher
goes flippity flop for two hours before
the butter will come, and now she is
teaching the little chaps to write little
letters, and when they get into mischief
and have to come to headquarters,
they come a little the Highest of getting
awhippin of any children in the world,
only they don't quite get it, and I
havent. kept.any book account, but my
opinion is that not less than 1,700
whippins have been promised ’em, and
are now due and unpaid. I overheard
a voice say the other day, “ now, Cari.
I will wliip you for that,” and I echoed
in gentle accents, “about what time,”
but Carl got it on a credit as usual.
Nabor Dobbins had eleven sheep
killed last Sunday by the dogs. I
bring mine up to the fold every night,
but stili I’m on the expectation all the
time, and stili 1 wonder if there is no
remedy and never will be for these
sort of disasters—these little troubles
that exasperate a man and make him
grow old before his time. Life is full
of em and I reckon they are sent upon
us to make ns get tired of life and the
bettor to fit and prepare us for heaven.
I hope so. Bill Are.
A Losing Joke.
A prominent physician of Pitts
burgh said jokingly to a lady patient
who was complaining of her continued
ill health, and of his inability to cure
iier, “try Hop Bitters!” The lady
took it in earnest and used the Bitters,
from which she obtained premanent
health. She now laughs at the doctor
for his joke, but he is not so well
pleased with it, as it cost him a good
patient-— Harrishurgh Patriot.
Sage Advice to a Michigan Wind
mill Man.
A Michigan man who has a patent
windmill went down to Tennessee last
fall to see what he could do among the
farmers of that State. Reaching a
town in the central part of the State,
he went to a dealer in agricultural
implements and stated his desire to
erect his machine and call attention
to it.
“ Well, it can be done, I guess,” was
the reply.
“ But how had I best proceed ?”
“ Well, you kin put her up over on
the hill thar. 1 don’t know who owns
the ground, but if you treat the crowd
I guess no one will object.”
“Very well.”
. “Next Tuesday is market day, and
there'll be heaps of folks in town. You
want to be around early and treat the
crowd.”
“ Yes.”
“ Set the old thing going and ask the
boys over to drink something.”
“ J list so.”
“ You want to stand on a bar’l and
make some explanations, of course,
for it will be new to most of’em. But
don’t talk too long. Make it about
ten minutes, and then treat the crowd.”
“ Yes.”
“ If you have to talk any more, tell
’em there’s another drink ahead.”
“ I see.”
“ If the old man Jones comes in with
his boys there’ll be a row in the ctowd.
They shoot on sight. Keep your eye
peeled, and if you see any signs of a
row, ask the .whole crowd out to
drink.”
“ Yes, but— ’”
. “ Look out for dog fights. If one
takes place you can't hold the boys a
minute. Keep your ej r e on the canines.
If you see a yaller purp begin to
bristle up ask the crowd to step over
and moisten.”
“ Yes, but by that time the whole
crowd will be drunk,” protested the
agent.
*• Sartin it'will, and that's what you
I want, of course. That will give yon a
| chance to skip out and take your life
j along with you, and if you make a stop
j anywhere within a hundred miles I’ll
i send the windmill by freight—provided
there’s anything left to send l Nothing
| like knowing how to handle a Ten
i nessee crowd, my friend. Did you
ask me out to take sunthin’?” —Detroit
| Free Press.
As Agiieeablk Dressing for the
Hair, that will stop its falling, has
been long sought for. Barker's Hair
| Balsam, distinguished for its purity,
j fully supplies this want.
How Mayo Won His Case.
It was the night of the first da} T of
j 3luscogee Superior Court. I don’t
[know whether the gentle zephyrs
| were distilling ba'.my odors, or the
| stellar chandelier hanging visible in
the hall of the universe. I don’t know
and I don’t care. That’s a pack of
foolishness about which I am neither
posted nor interested. But this Ido
know : Green B. Mayo played seven
up with L. T. Bright and won two
lift}' dollar bills, each possessing re
cognizable ear-marks.
"Phe next morning Bright asserted
that he was intoxicated when the bet
ting took place and demanded a res
toration of the bills. Mayo modestly
replied that he would knock him
(Bright, not Mayo) “ hell Western
crooked if he (Bright) didn't dry up
and dust. Whereupon, he (Bright,),
entertaining a vague suspicion that he
(Mayo) was indisposed to comply,
went straightway to the grand jury
and sought and found a bill of indict
ment against him (Mayo, not Bright).
From the time the case mounted the
criminal docket till the hour of trial
Mayo’s liquor was scot free. All the
voting barristers swarmed after him
as the plebians of the hive follow the
leadership of their queen bee. lie was
the magnet that attracted ever}' callow
fledgling of the law. Ilis toasts and
anecdotes declared a clear dividend
over the expenses of his drinks, but
never a syllable did he utter about
employing counsel. At length the
case next before 31 ay o's was on trial,
and the sheriff was prevailed on to
take him aside and instruct him, or at
least pump him, on the subject.
“Mayo, whom have you employed
in your case?” “ilavn't employod
nobody and aint a gwino to. Why,
Perry, my ease'l jest flop itself out
o' court.” “You’d better not risk that;
the solicitor’s a young man of great
eloquence.” “Eloquence, hell! elo
quence aint no account. I can tend
to that case. Iwasbornd fn the court
house and cradled on the criminal
docket—eloquence ! I say eloquence.”
Presently his Honor called “State
v3. Green B. 31 ay or. Playing and
betting at cards.” “Mark my name
for the defendant,” remarked a beard
less disciple of Blackstone. “Noyou
needn't,” said 3lavo ; “ this is m} r case.
Pm a gwine to play with it.”
3layo had some idea of the general
drift and management of business in
court.
The jury was struck and sworn and
the case opened by the solicitor, after
which Bright took the stand, stated
facts contained in the bill of indict
ment in a clear and forcible manner,
testified to his own intoxication at the
time, and was finally turned over to
Mayo for cross-examination. “Aint
them the two fifty dollar bills you lost
a bet-tin’ wi’ me that night,” asked
Mayo, as he handed Bright the iden
tical, ear-marked bills in question—
standing, accidentally of course, ex
actly between Bright and the jury.
“ Yes, sir, they are the very bills you
won from me. I’d know them any
where.” “I haint no more questions.”
The State closed. 3layo tendered the
bills to the solicitor, who looked at
them carefully, saw they weregenuine
and made no objection to their intio
duction as evidence.
Just at that moment Mayo was
obliged to step to the bucket for a
drink of water (probably on account of
the thirst his morning drink had exci
ted) and, uy a strange coincidence, a
friend of Mayo's had urgent business
with the solicitor and sat busily whis
pering to him in less than six feet of
the jury. “Here’s them bills,” said
Mayo, speaking in a low tone and
showing the jury two fifty doliar bills
on the old “Monroe Railroad.” “lie
swears them’s the bills.” And he
shook them in the face of a juror who
he knew had lost on tie Bank. “He
swears lie was drunk, and he must a
! bin.” And slipping the bills into his
pocket he sat down.
The speech of the solicitor was for
cible and impressive. He said that
Mayo was brave, generous and im
pulsive, and had, therefo-e, gone thus
un whipped of justice. It was time to
stop him in his wild career. “Under
the priestige of his fighting and his
betting he threatens to become aciti
zen of the court house and be joined
in wedlock with the criminal docket,
lie left his own county, gentlemen ;
left the endearing arms of his fining
wife, ayd the fond embraces of his do
ting offspring to come here; and for
what ? To cheat an honest but intoxi
cated gentleman out of o”o hundred
dollars. Ihi 11k ol it, go: ilcincii ;Jo
seph and the Savior were both sold
for a less amount of money than is
embraced in this stupendous swindle ;
and yet, under the stress of this great
impeachment he “bides the encounter
of assailing eyes’ with a reckless and
brazen imperturbability. Ah ! gentle
men, he ha3 the unblushing impudence
to draw out and parade before your
a-tonishe i vision the very bills he so
igenoiniously acquired. Gentlemen.
1 to look down upon a scene like this.
■ “the gazing gods lean forward from
! the skies.’ ”
The evidence was at length gone
i through with and the cleq.mu!. solid
: tor handed the papers to the jury.
, During the delivery of the speech
I Mayo was busy writing, and soon af
i ter the begining of the judge’s charge
he laid before his honor the following
paper : “J3 urge, charge cm that ef
the mutiny i 1 frum brite wont good,
then i hainfc 1 nutliin frum him and
the kasc aint no account and charge
em that munny that aint good munny,
it aint no harm to win that sort uv
iminny, and tell em how that ef brite
was drunk he didnt no tother frusn
which and ooodent tell the difrenoe
twixt good mnnny and bad iminny
and tell em how that ef the munny
i 1 wont worth a set-tin of rotton snaik
egs i aint gilty—nur i aint nuther and
Gurge. old feller, you and meze ero
nys’, pleas? spread it on thick and ile
do as much for you sum time;”
Mayo handed the paper to the judge
with a pleading look which showed
that he meant and wanted
aid. “Gentlemen,” said his Honor.
“I am tequested to charge you—”
Here he paused, read the paper, drew
his broad-brimmed hat over his eves
and leaned his head down to conceal
a smile. " Gentlemen, the defendant
requests me to charge you,” and again
the voice ceased and t-he head and hat
went down. “ Gentlemen. I am re
quested to charge you that if the money
Mayo won—” Ilero a regular jud eial
guffaw took place, the whole crowded
house, without knowing why, followed
suit and burst into a most explosive
j roar. The judge instantly changed,
| his eye lit up with wrath and fur}',
j "O der, 3lr. Sheriff I will punish
you severely if another such scene as
j this occurs during the whole period of
jmy administration.” “Gentlemen,
1 am lequested to charge you that if
; the money Mayo won from Bright was
not good money—haj ha, ha, Mr.
Sheriff, keep order if you possibly can
—was not good money”—a pause and
a mighty effort to hold in—“ Gentle
men. if the money won was not good
| money,yon will find fur the defendant.
Retire and make up your verdict and
give all doubts to Mayo.” 3layo‘s se
cret was yet safe, and in less than five
minutes the jury astonished everybody
butthe defendant byreturninga ver
dict of not guilt}’. Reaching his head
towards the sheriff and putt'ng in his
voice all the sneering, contemptuous
sarcasm it could hold, the acquitted
hero whispered a single word of ejacu
lation. That word was “ eloquence !”
—A 7 ., in Macon Telegraph and Messen
jw-
HOW WATCHES ARE MADE.
It will be apparent to any one who will
examine a Solid Got and Watch, that aside
from the necessary thickness for engraving
and polishing, a large proportion of the
precious metal used is needed only to
stiffen and hold the engraved portions in
place, and supply the necessary solidity
and strength. The surplus gold is actu
ally needless so far as utility and beau
ty are concerned. In JAMES BOSS’
LATENT GOLD WATCH CASES, this
WASTE of precious metal is overcome, and
the SAME SOLIDITY AND STRENGTH pro
duced at from one-third to one-half of the
usual cost of solid cases. This process is
of the most simple nature, as follows : a
plate of nickle composition metal especi
ally adapted to the purpose, has two plates
of solid gold soldered one on each side.
The three are then passed between polish
ed steel rollers, and the result is a strip o
heavy plated composition, from which the
cases, backs, centres, bezels, tfcc., arc cut
and shaped by suitable dies and formers.
The gold in these cases is sufficiently thick
to admit of all kinds of chasing, engraving
and enamelling; the engraved cases have
been carried until worn perfectly smooth
by time and use without removing the
°°TIHS IS THE ONLY CASE MADE
WITH TWO PLATES OF SOLID GOLD
AND WARRANTED BY SPECIAL
CERTIFICATE.
For sale by all Jewelers. Ask for U
lustrated Catalogue, and to see warrant.
The Only Rebel.
In five weeks’ wandering over Vir
ginia I found but one rebel : sin was
a woman living near Harrison's Laid
ing. It was a hot day as I followed
the track of McClellan's retreat from
Malvern Hill, and I was both hungry
and thirsty. The woman being at the
gate, I rode up and asked : “ Mad
ame, can I get dinner here?”
She saw the “ Yank” in me quicker
than scat, and instantly replied :
“The Yankees stole all I had to
cat.”
“I'll pay you well.”
“ Rut I haven't got nutliin’ to sell.”
“ If you had some potatoes and ba
con and ”
“ Yanks stole ’em all !” she inter
rupted.
“But you can give me a drink of
water, can’t \ou ?”
“No, sir! The Yankees filled up
the well and carried away the dipper.”
“ Is there a spring around here ?”
“Used to be lots of ’em, but the
Yanks toted ’em off!”
Below us was the muddy James,
and the drought had lasted so long
that there was hardly enough water to
float a catfish. Pointing to the histor
ic stream, I asked :
“ Why didn’t the Yankees steal the
river too ?”
She scratched her head with-a sliv
er nulled off the fence, and never un
bent a particle as she replied :
“ They wanted to do it, stranger—
wanted to the wust way, and when
they diskivered that it woulden't load
up worth a cent they galloped their
old gun b >ats up and down and wash
ed so many shirts in Turkey Bend that
tjie Jeems river has been ashamed to
look a cow in the face ever since !
May be you kin git a drink down thar,
but this ’ere neighborhood won’t stand
1 by and see you carry off any of the
sand-bars ! Bea leetle keerful how
j you paw around !”— Drtroit Free
| Press.
Constipation is a disease-maker
; and leads to indigestion, acid stomach,
heartburn, fevers, biliousness, sick
headache, torpidity of the liver, colic,
inflammatory diseases, nervousness,
loss of appetite, etc. These can all
he removed by the use of Bailey's Sa
line Aperient.
S TERMS, $1.50 PER ANNUM,
) SI.OO for Six Months.
Soms New Arithmetic.
It is twenty-six rods from Smith's
house to the saloon where lie lakes a
nip six mornings per week. In fif
teen years how f.ir lias he walked ?
If a college student tears down two
signs, upsets four a: h barrels, rips up
five rods of sidewalk, breaks two win
dows and mashes the professor of Latin
all in one week, how would a charge
<>f bird shot affect his sacred consti
tution the following Monday night
when girdling shade trees !
A wise Arabian, who had sl3 in his
vest pocket, wante 1 to livide it among
five beggars so as to give each one $3.
Mow did he proceed? [This is the
one that always keeps the boy after
school and gets his jacket dusted.]
How many boys three feet tall will
it take to elimp over a wall five feet
high and carry off half a bushel of
harvest apples ? This must he figured
by the rule of three—two br\> sand
the old man's dog.
During a courtship of three years a
young man writes his girl 472 love
lettere, calls her an angel 1,481 times,
accompanies her to twentv-eight pic
nics and seventy-two singing schools,
and then walks off on his ear and mar
ries a widow with six children. Find
how much the girl loses, providing she
lights on the right kind of a lawyer to
move a jury.
A peasant who had half a cord of
wood at his door desired his five sous
to saw it up in such ratio that the el
dest should saw three-sevenths and
the youngest one-sixth. How did
they divide the wool? [lvey: Fr
the teacher only: They let the old
man saw it, of course.]
The average woman speaks 142’
words per minute. In a conversation
lasting sixteen minutes a servant girl
with her ear at the key hole catches
35G words. llow many does she miss,
and how did she get that black eye?
If it takes a boy twelve years of
age twenty two minutes to bring in
six small sticks of wood, how long
will it take him to walk a mile and a
half to see a circus procession ?
A fond husband hands his wife S2O
with which to purchase a spring boo
net and—well, we don’t remember tho
rest of it. lie probably died soon af
ter handing over the money, or she
discovered that the twenty was a coun
terfeit, or something or other happen
ed to cut the tiling short. Come to
think of it, a fond husband bought
himself a SSO overcoat and gave h-.s
wife twelve shillings to get her fall
hat clapboarded over for winter, and
she thanked him kindly, and he smiled
lovingly, and the mother-in-law went
and hanged herself in the wood house..
“Likea Charm.”
Columbia, S. C., Feb. 15, 1881.
11. 11. Warner & Cos.: Sirs —l have
used your Safe Kidney and Liver Cure
in my practice as a physician, and in
ever}' case I find it works like a charm.
Rev. B. F. Poiiteu.
—
Meriwether Vindicator: “Jake
Faver, colored, lived with Mr. Morris
Crouch in the Middle Ninth District,
near Flat Shoals. Bob Martin, also
colored, lived in the same neighbor
hood upon the plantation of Mr. Reu
ben C. Strozier. An unpleasantness
has existed between the two men for
s >me time, on account of reported
remarks made bv Bob respecting
Jake’s wife. Last Friday the parties
met nea- Mr. Strozier’s. and hard
words led to blows, when Jake struck
Bob with a st'ck and Bob stabbed
Jake to the heart with a knife. A
committal trial was held last Monday
at Jones’ |M ills, and the killer was
turned loose upon the ground that hq
acted in self-defense.”
I)r. J. W. Gibbon, of Ark., writes :
“ For many years my wife was a suffer
er from a terrible female complaint
that baffled the skill of all physicians
around me. She used Dr. Droingoole’s
English Female Bitters , they cured her
sound and well, and I do not hesitate
to say, they saved her life.”
Athens Banner: “Colonel Fore
acre tells us that he is doing everything
in his power to complete his road to
Tallulah Falls by first of July. 110
has hands at work on every foot of
the road still unfinished, and on parts
of it is working day and night. The
last mile is almost entirely through
solid rock, and will cost $35,000 to
excavate it. If such a thing is possi
ble the road will be finished, and it
will require hard and uninterrupted
work to do it, but any unforeseen cir
cumstances happening will delay the
completion a short time.”
Debilitated persons, and sufferers
from wasting diseases such as con
sumption, scrofula, kidney affections,
will be greatly benefitted by using
Brown’s Iron Bitters.
Mr. James H. Walker, a young
lawyer of talent who lived in Milner,
was last week convicted of suborna
tion of perjury in the Superior Court
of Pike county, and was sentenced to
five years in the Penitentiary,
lie made a motion for anew trial.
A two horse wagon, with a loal of
fifteen hundred pounds, passed over
Aleck Reagan’s little son, in Coving
ton, the oilier day. Besides bruises
there was no other injury done to the
| child.
j General Toombs’ eyesg it is rap id
ly failing. He thinks of having an
operation performed on one of his
eyes for a cataract.
NUMBER 11.