Newspaper Page Text
@k pitkcns Counfa fjcrnRi ♦
W. B. MIHCBT, Editor.
VOL. 1.
There is a variety of posts and poles in
New York streets. There are lamp*
posts, jewelers’ posts surmounted by
clocks, Fire Department poles. Western
Union Telegragh poles, electric light
poles, and poles for the electric light
wires, barbers’ poles and police signal-
box poles. The Trilunc says fa-etiously
that “all that is wanting now to tom-
plete the equipment, of our streets is the
North Pole, and thon the average New
Yorker ought to be satisfied.”
The German papers announce the
death of Louis Harniuth. a mechanic and
inventor, who had been wholly blind
since his tenth year. He had not been
able to reap the benefit of most of his in-
ventions, owing to occasional slight de¬
fects, which a person in full enjoyment
of his eyesight might easily l ave over-
come. Most of his inventions were of a
scientific character. The last patent WR8
was taken out by him as late ns June
last. He had been brought up in the
Royal Blind Asylum, in Berlin, where
he began by making fine braidwork. In
the latter years of his life he devoted
himself principally to intricate machine
work.
According to T
* the cremation movement continues to
gain ground steadily here and in Europe.
A dozen or more crematories have been
opened within .ho ln,t n. leant
double that number arc in process of
construction. Cremation societies now
exist in most of the States and Terri¬
tories. In some European countries,
Italy for example, there is scarcely a city
without one. When once a society has
been formed, the erection of a crematory
becomes simply a question of time, two
or three years at the outside. To those
who recall the perfect storm of opposi¬
tion that the first proposal to revive this
ancient custom raised, this progress ap¬
pears remarkable.”
The Railroad Gazette gives the follow¬
ing account of the northernmost enter-
. - the , world ,, “The Swedish and
prise m :
Norweigan railroad, which is now build-
ing from Lulea, on the Guif of Bothnia
toLafoden on the 1 North «o;i \ C Y U Spa unrtlv ?. y
situated within the Arctic a circle, and is
3,200 miles further north than any rail-
road in Canada. The winter has not,
hnwmr however, .men found too sevctc i by the
English , employes and their . and
wives,
the snowfall is less than in some more
southern hit it u les, while the darkness of
the long winter nights is partly compen¬
sated by the lights of the aurora. The
line is being built by an English com-
pany in order to tap the enormous de¬
posits of iron ore in the Ge'divara moun¬
tains. .... is feared , thiii , the ore m . tip.
Bilbao district is nearly exhaustc I, and
as this is the source of supply for
many steel works in the I'n t,;d Stn'es
and Europe, a non-phosphoric ore su li¬
able for steel rail making is very de¬
sirable. A considerable demand exists
already for the Gcllivara ore, an 1 hv-
rlraulic machinery capable of d -Lvuring
on bo,.id ship 10,000 tons of ore in l wen-
ty-four hours is being installed on the
company’s wharf at Lulea The engines
and cars used have been budt in Eng-
land. The former have eight coupled
wheels and weigh 127,00) pounds in
7*7 «*«•, -w <7 «» 7 .r*
of steel thioughot and are of 08,000
»"** cap " d, - v -
The announcement that Hme. lionet
cault, the chief proprietor of the unions
store in Paris, called Bon Marche, lms
left *3,000,000 £3 nno linn tn to be divided among ail
employes P y who had been in h-r : servi v
ten years, besides , , numerous other chari- , .
table bequests,will surprise no one famil-
iar with the history of this re nark able
fare of his 3,000 era love, ins constant
care, and his wife continued that policy
after his death. Classes in music, liter-
ature and the languages are provided for
them during their leisure hours, and
English and American visitors hive the
pleasure of being shown about by a clerk
speaking excellent Englishwh .has never
been off of French soil. Employes, when
sick, arc attended by physi ians of the
establishment. M. Boncicaut. even
leased a forest not far from Paris where
the men raig-ht hun.hnti.g their
Every i employe i • share i
tions. receives a
of the profits, the co-operative principle
being carried so far that the great store
is governed by a board made up of those
■who have worked their way, by long ser-
vice and ability, up to the highest posi- '
tioa= Ttr One I of ; the features Tit of this 7 unimie
establishment, tn and a not the , least interest- \
ing, is that all the persons employed
there, from the porters to the partners,
■re tod within its wall* snd that tbev all !
get mu precisely t reriselv the the earn* same fare fare. TW There is
probably no busincs house in the world
where the paternal principle is carried
cut so thorouohiv. and this is evidenced
» « met direction, a. c„.
With which the young girls are shielded
against all demoralising ipSusof-M.
JASPER. GEORGIA. FEBRUARY 0, 1888.
j 1 BIDE MY TIME
l bide my time. Whenever shadows darken
Along my path, I do but lift mine eyes,
And faitb reveals fair shores beyond the
skies,
And through earth's harsh, discordant sounds
| I hearken
And bear divinest music from afar,
Sweet sounds from lands where half my
loved ones are.
t Wdo—I bide my time.
| I bide iny time. W hatever assail hie
woes
I I know the strife is only for a day;
A friend waits for into further on the way—
A friend too faithful and too true to fail me.
I \Vhowill bid all life’s jarring turmoils cease,
And lead me on to realms of perfect peace.
I bide—I bide my time.
'
I bide my time. This conflict and resistance,
This drop of rapture in a enp of pain.
Tlxis wear and tear of body and of brain,
But fits my spirit for the new existence
Which waits me in the happy by-and-by,
Soeome what may, I'il lift my eyes and cry;
” I bide—I bide my time.”
j —Ella Wheeler Wilcox
i .
ATVRN OF THE WHEEL
j i
BT KVF.I.TN THORPE.
i Flora would have liked to say some-
S S h"d
, But, Maskelyne after all, what could one say?
! did not seem to expect, or
' wi5 h f ? r * further. He walked
,
the roughness of the descent rendered
mch service necessary, he offered his
hand, and always without looking at her.
Flora concluded determinedly at last
that the silence should not be broken by
her. He was taking his refusal as a man
might Of be expected to take these dreadfully, things.
course it hsn t their pride
And not more than one of them out of a
thousand really cared enough for a girl
to be truly lur friend after she had done
his vanity this, to him, unpardonable ill-
jury.
The camp was in sight now, in the
lantly, valley Ik low them. Flora hoped, petit-
would that, since her rejected and suitor dis-
assume so uncomfortable
agreeable an attitude he would at least
keop as much us possible out of her way
until she should start for the East, in of
few days.
This Maskelyne scrupulously did.
' An<i - Tot * >°ru was scarcely satisfied.
I I There * «««« discomfort inker
senses.
; ! Once she brought herself sharply to
task. task. Well, after all, what did 'she
I ! want? want ? Would Would she she have have liked liked to to accept accept
j | Maskelyne, AtocWoi she to t knew ,, marry .n...-,. she him.' beautiful, She was very and
young, was
now, with all this money that had come
to them, ambitions, slumbering before,
had sprung into life vivid and insistent.
And why hot? Was it not natural,
Flora Wade asked herself, defiantly, that
a. her girl who felt su -h capacities within
as she was conscious of should want
to exercise them in a brilliant field, and
j wield su h social prestige as they gave?
Fora !i tie while, a few years at least,
j she her , wauled life! to live—to she married live!—and , to cn-
joy It now a poor
engineer, m the Western wilds, what
would her life lie? Of course, if one
shed.dnot ? vef ]. , a ma! J lore ver { Maskelyne, r m ' ,c , h - • she ' assured '
herself, fiercely. Not, at least, enough
! 0 .' 1 18 coonme’^’ ' L 1 - Yes ’ ie wou < U , n h, ° ltr W
* S1U ’
woridW
He would say she had trifled with him
had li d him on.
v'
slowly’in ^ tall f a ir-hhired fellow had crossed '
front of the open door. He
was not conscious of being seen. He was
!£» ,ZraTJS!fSf t
, “«?, »w> “!■ *
She was going East the very next day.
Her trunks were packed. A letter from
the distant relative, a tnshionable woman
who was 8 to rhaueron cn T herdur-
ing ■ the next lew years, and who , already , ,
had Flora's younger 8 ster with her, lay
before her. Vis ons and dreams of sue-
c « ss , of happtne. s such as the brilliant
it had quite faded and the shadows filled
the valley. When she finally rose from
her chair ’ a s ? ne shaking off sleep, there
'“I” . ‘°“* "<*”• '» h » d “ k
•y 68 -
After all, if Howard Maskelyne had
bided his time, if he had not been pre-
cipitated, perhaps Flora Wade morning. would
not have gone East the next
Who knows?
Howard Maskelvne 7 remained remamert West West
for three jc^is. His resolution to succeed
~ 40 ahe-id had, as some of his
Mjere^L perceive wiinouc perceiwn'j tnc
cause been remfor ed by a soil °f
dogged to "his wprk defiance wtth He that ^himself undivided and up
t J ard th^torn^^ecfLnffe^he^he
has suffered a sentimental disenchant-
ment--if, that is, he does not take the
opposite altogether. course and slight that, aspect
” He diet not take a vacation
whe he cou id have done so. He
geemed to dread even a day’s idleness,
He grew older, and the lines other deepened
in his face. Some of the fellows
»urmised, ^ at times, that there was a
womaD the case. But their habitual
cast rj f thought did not induce them to
dwell upon "suppositions of this nature
very abidingly.
2S his
longer, slowly but surely xisfog which in be
profession, and making monev
*WE SEEK THE REWARD OF HOMCST LABOR.”
did not seem to care for or know what to
do with, if his father hud not suddenly
died. Moskelyne, on this event, cnme
East. Old Mr. Maskelyne had keen a
frugal person, highly had respected been as an held ex-
cellent citizen. He not
to have laid by much of this world's
goods. tation, But it proved con of rary investigation. to expec-
in the course behind,
that he had left a large fortune
Howard Maskelyne was East. He deter-
mined to stay.
He took up the old existence now, by
his long absence be -ome a new one, list-
lessly. lie thought the zest would come
back, but some how it did not. He looked
back at times upon that episode in his
life which had made all this difference—
this I reak which did over—with not promise almow ever to
be wholly bridged galled him to the
fury of resentment. acknowledge It that the treachery
tjnick to hollow of the world
of a mere woman
should have laid his life barren m this
way. He had gotten to feel that he had
lost all reverence for her sex through her.
She had lowered his whole standard,
There were occasions when lie told him-
self that if he despised her less he would
hate her for the wrong she had done
him.
A friend of his who knew the figure of
the Maskelyne estate with marriageable approximate
accuracy and who had a
sister took him to his mother’s house one
day and introduced him. Mrs, Mrs, Leth- Leth-
bridge’s house was homelike in ail cmi-
nent degree, and Maskelyne liked Leth-
bridge, even though he was conscious of
no special admiration for his sister. He
returned there several times, as much as
anything from want of other interest.
Once he walked uptown with l.cthbridgo, passed
and entering on his invitation he
in the hall a slight young girl in black,
The light was rather dim; it was at the
close of the afternoon; the gas was not
____________ _____________ only 0 her her face face
yet yet lighted, lighted, and and he he only the the saw saw
when when she she was was close close upon upon two two men. men.
Then, however, he saw it distinctly and
she raised her startled eyes to his.
Lethbridge had sprung forward and
opened the door for her. She went rap- the
idly out with a slight inclination of
head. Lethbridge had a heightened
color on his face.
When they had gone back into the
library Maskelyne, standing with his
back to the light, said:
•* That lady who passe 1 out looks as-
tonishingly like a Miss Flora Wade.”
! “ It is Miss Wade.” Lethbridge took
„n a book and laid it down again. “She
i s a nursery governess to two of m y
younger sistcis."
" Miss Wade who out West
“The was a
few years “watan ago, ” said Maskelyne, after a
pause, 1 heiress.”
“Flora Wade was an heiress until a
year ago-ves. I suppose yon have heard
the story ^ ?’’
Out on the frontier one hears . nothing," ... „
said Maskelyne, dryly. nothing
“No ? Well, it was new.
Wade made his money by a lucky stroke,
you know, or a series of lucky strokes,
and he lost it by one unlucky one. Then
he blew his brains out, more than any-
thin«• else, 1 suspect, because there were
well-founded suspicions that all his
transactions had not been perfectly with le¬
gitimate The two girls had were been taken an
aunt. Miss Wade
abroad, and had refused, it is under-
s t O0 d, ,’ a ducal coronet. For two seasons
she e(1 evervthing before her here,
W hen the change came she left the aunt,
whose health had suddenly (in conse-
ence of thcso changes) become too
delicate for the support and care of two
voting girls. Miss Wade had had a
brilliant education, but, passed under
hl it as coul(1 1)e tlimed t0 there practical
count, it appeared that was very
j VIiss ' Vad « ‘ ould do to support
j lcrsft . ^ " an ^ 1 1CI y oun g sls ^>- Bhe could
sl»?°i^nmv S ,<nVt '‘ Ver ’ and
JwssHlen ’’
T hp ce between «*•' the two men
step toiwaid. '.W
ic'„ ‘ 4 w “ ‘ “ "T
mp^sh^be ".'”7 1 mvwifo*’^ many
The door o.wned, admitting Mrs. i
t and Z her olde -t di'n«-hter Uail « hte >- ,
“Oh, Mr. Maskelyne, ,, I , hope you will
stay to dinner with us ” cried the lady
hospitably 'J,
, h
t
nmnt proved a loaming of the stieets tin-
11 ar ino iemg . , ,, •
.A^™*** f ' I Fk)rfl H w a ; 'inir g ar,d I
i l a .I?,. ‘ ami , n.w-nt 1
he had arrayed ^ her. n r:
the elements of scorn and resentment he ,
had been harboring and accumulating :
through these four years past in bis soul. ;
What if (hat misfortune Lad falicr Would upon her? .hat j j
change her? dav of who
kf>}( lnlp wmnan j n ., one j
bjth ,,,. fo baf] |j vt ,d on ; y f or the flimsy j
IT’ . WhjjL f ^ j } j b own . se )f
kept urging „i m -
lf] , ,, . e > hioominr? ;
™ hA iAlnv LethtJrid-e Ahe i
verv~ \s hail
chanced W so much in ap
misfortune as might be ex-
P« cte(i It was proper, of course, that
'
R } ie should look a little demure aDf
depressed^ Bhe was a good actress her and
would be likely to ard play 'Nithm part her
wel1 - Was n0, • her rew '
grasp already?*, Allen Lethbridge s ad-
miration and intentions were probably
perfectly mear to her. That was the
way out ot her difficulties by the easy
P ath of matrimony.
Thus the hurt he had himself received I
goaded dowh with him to high brutal voice injustice, the appeal crying of
a
.“,d ’STSjlf 2VSS
bruised and. sore in all his members from
the conflict in his soul.
He did not return to the Lethbridge*
and he kept out from Allen » way.
One day, about a week wandered later, in passing There
* picture gallery, he in.
was one other person only in the gallery;
a lady in black with her back to the door,
Maskelyne stood still, with a sudden
pang In ft moment the lady turned hei
head slightly and Maskelyne saw that
his heart had not deceived him.
Flora was unconscious that she was no
longer alone. In the silence and secluded
remoteness of this curtained room the
burden she carried her In day interval after day dropped blessed
away from an of
calm. She sat with her hands clasped
in her lap. All the worn lines of her dc-
Ucafe profile were revealed to Maskc-
lyne’s eyes now. Not changed! with his He
there devouring ached her in face his throat,
gl nieo changrdt and a lump suddenly
Not She put up a
small hand in a little shabby black
glove and brushed a tear hastily from her
cheek. At the same moment, as though
afraid of her weakness, she started to
her feet. Muskelyne, simultaneously,
had taken several steps forward.
They stood and looked at each other
for one instant as people who have
parted estranged on this earth may meet
again and look at each other in some
other world where misunderstandings
and mysteries arc made clear.
Then Elora, with another glance of het
worn Worn eyes, eyes, murmured murmured “Good "uooa bye." oye.
bhe Was going toward the door, lie
followed her,
“ a, May “” I T not "” 4 walk L " home with you f"
He had small consciousness of What
he was saying,
It was a humble place. She made no
apology for it. She did not ask him to
sit down. She stood as though she ex¬
pccted that every moment he would go.
In drawing off her gloves one of them
fell to the ground. Masxelyne stooped with
and and seized seized . it. it. He lie raised raised . it it and and with
a a blind impulse carried the poor bit of
shabby kid passionately to his lips.
Flora looked at him with startled eyes.
She put out her band for her glove,
“Flora,” he whispered, “ will both you
forgive me?” He had her hand m
his own now, tightly locked in a trem-
bling clasp. she slowly repeated,
‘‘Forgive you? her with heau-
‘°V’ she raised arm a
tiful motion, it is you who ought to
“ * 0 uo „
' > , drew , . herself „
A fter instant . . . she
an
softly away from him. The youth had
come back to her face, l he stood with
he |' j* nt hnnd ''f alns ! his brea8t -
1 Would you, she said , scarchingly, there
“ the glance and attitude
. j was °“ ce m ,°, re the Flora Wade of long
a 8°> would you believe me if I told
that T cored for you even-even that
1 day in camp, years ago?” Hedrewadcep
Maskelyne was silent.
, j, rea th.
“Yes .”—Nero York Mercury.
v
Superstitious Lake Marines.
In speaking . of the superstitions of
mariners, Captain J. W. Hall, one of ihe
"West and most, experienced said lake-faring Did
men in Detroit, yesterday; “
you ever notice tbat there is no vessel on
the lakes named The that George Washing¬
ton? The first vessel ever bore that
name wa3 a steamer launched in 1833.
She went down during life. the same year
with the loss of one Another was
built about 1837, and in 1838 foundered
with the loss of sixtv-eight lives. The
idea that there is bad luck in the name
has never been overcome, and I doubt
whether you could now induce an un¬
derwriter to take a risk upon a boat
bearing that name .”—Detroit Free Press.
Intelligent Terriers.
u Here is a cute story of terriers,”
ga j d a gentleman who had read the
‘ Wayside ’ on these said dogs the the other table day. the
“When grace Is at
” 1
would like to see how a little dog would
fflSSS# iti”i'S «hf STS?iSuSd! SaSf
do If 1 sa y 1 am tempted growl to pull the a little
and f’ a it is kept a wicked up until I is say that answer, I be-
ij eve I will not.”— Philadelphia, ‘ Call.
___
Turkeys and Hninnts.
It has long been known that the flavor
game can be given to the flesh of
| HI t it has been left to the Ment.ijie Amen-
ran how it comes that the Italian farmers,
both at home and in the South American
-ccccd in ...ding th.f.tto,, kill-
turkeys to market. A raon.h before
ing, they give each fowl a walnut to oat
everyday." J
Brutalities in Coomassie.
The criminal laws appear to be ex
remely , severe, and , the ,, following . ridtcu-
lously trivial offences are punishable by.
death: Whistling in Coomassie; in suffering'
an egg to l e broken the town; looking
« the King’, wi™ e, no, hiding «h„
the hiDff's ennu r hs rail to announce
their approach, and picking the up gold that
has been this dropped it will be in that marketplace, every-day
From seen
Me diawbacks. in Cooma.^e Lon. ,^Afn« Field. must have its
Good Cause for Rejoicing.
What though the sky is dull and gray,
My heart ts glad. they
Let others worry as may.
I’ll not be sad.
Though * Ilfe ^ dul] and tri9D4e be few,
I ll not repine,
For me the world is fresh and new,
riled, bri igfct and joyous I will be,
My care’s allayed smiled
For Fortune My bills has just pafd cm me,
are
- So'C.xwAVa Jr.urr.'f
$1.00 Par Annum, In Advasae*
j VARIOUS AIDS TO SLEEP,
j CURES FOB INSOMNIA FOUND BY
,
DIFFERENT PEOPLE,
; KvenUigs should be Periods ol' He I
j laxatlon—Hntr'Pillows Preferable
to Feather—Simple Uemiultos
I It will be interesting to collect th I
many remedies that have been suggestee
I for sleeplessness, A hot shower bath at
I bed time cleanses' the skin and predi!
poses to sleep, it is claimed. The ont
sure and safe way is to take n brisk walk
of a mile or two before going to bed,
and then after the walk holding the head
under a stream of cold water, Tins,
however, should be done when the habit
of sleeplessness first begins,
A business man with a mechanical turn
of mind should fit up his attic ns a car-
penter shop and spend an hour, therein
after supper. A walk of two or three
miles a day is sufficient, says one writer,
while another maintains that nothing
will do li t horseback riding. Again,
relief from sleeplessness can be found by
wetting a linen handkerchief, folding the il
and placing it under the back of neck,
with a dry cloth under the kerchief to
protect the pillow. Still again, warm
the feet by friction, extra wrapper, etc.,
and cool the head cither in a draught or
with cold water or ice. One sufferer has
palliated the bed, distress of his vigils and sit¬ by
leaving his chimney lighting reading a fire, and eat¬
ting in a corner
ing by turns until the demon Intimated n :
desire to depart.
A physician writes that the evening
should be a period of relaxation and
recreation, relief from care and anxiety
to be found in cheerful conversation,
pleasant games and light reading, while
persons of sedentary occupation are A fee¬ to
take plenty of open air exercises.
ble circulation is to be overcome, and
cold feet are to be warmed. The stom¬
ach is to be attended to if the digestion
is not good. If it is overloaded easy
and refreshing sleep is impossible. find
Weakly persons and invalids often
a cup of hot broth or gruel or some other
light and easily digestible food taken on
retiring to be the most promotive o(
sleep. The l ed should ucither he too
hard nor too soft, nor the clothing too
abundant nor too scanty. All unpleas¬
ant sights, sounds and smells should be
excluded. Regular and early hours ol
retiring are essential. No victim of in¬
somnia can with safety burn dissipation. the midnight
oil or engage in evening The
man who observes these precautions and
adds thereto a clear conscience and n
sound mind has the promise of unhiding
sleep. student troubled with insomnia dis¬
A
carded his feather pillow for one of hair
with wonderful effect. The hiir pillow
does not get warmed up to an nn orn-
fortable degree because it rapidly it con¬ by
ducts away the heat imparled found to that
the head. The same person
sleep could be brought on by simply
warming the body, especially ihe feet,
or by taking a walk or by a cold shower
or sponge bath, followed by rubbing
with a coarse towel. Getting out of bed
for a fow minutes when the air was cool
often brought relief. He hud lain awake
half the enough night, and mix then and drink after being lemon- up
long had fallen to asleep a going
ad:;, at once on
to bed. This student found that a light
lunch just before going to bed relieved
his brain by drawing the blood to his
stomach.
Another victim of sleeplessness found
that a continuous low noise favored
sleep. The sound of water dropping physician. on
a pan has been prescribed by a that
The explanation seems to be a sim-
pie monotonous impression exclusion quiets the of
brain by occupying it to the
more varied and interesting, and there¬
fore stimulating, impressions. devices of On the
same principle are the count¬
ing backward or forward, imagining
sheep jumping one by one through a
gate, etc., but they arc open to the ob¬
jection of causing exerted one order portion control of the
brain to be in to
the rest of it.
A man who has “struck upon the light
plan at last,” and who opens up to the
world something calculated to make
mankind rejoice, writes that all you have
to do is to imagine yourself going on a
long journey. Think over the details of
it every night when sleep lags, The
plan made him healthy and happy.
A physician has one simple remedy,
which requires no medicine. Compose
the mind as much as possible, confine the
the thoughts to one subject, and close in
eyes, rolling them continuously one
direction. In a short time consciousness
will be lost, and you will be in the bliss¬
ful land of dreams. After an experience
of two years, another man found that he
was always able to go to sleep very
shortly after retiring to rest, found by keeping
his eyes looking down; he that
they turned up when he was sleepless
and was cogitating something that kept
him awake.
An editor finds relief by binding wetting it a
cloth with cold watpr and
across his forehead. Another plan is to
draw a long, slow breath by the mouth
and to force the breath out through the
nose, imagining that, the current can be
'-pen. An attempt may also be made to
read an amnsing novel in bed or to re¬
peat a familiar poem, but all study or se¬
rious reading should be stopped read half by an
before going to bed. In s paper
a physician before the Boston society for
medical improvement, he said that sleep¬
lessness is often caused by starvation and
that a tumbler of milk if drank in the
middle of the night will often would put, people of
to sleep when hypnotics foil
rheir purpose.— Good Housekeeping.
A handsome variegated thing is Fisrus
i elastica variegata. shading The marking from palevel is ex-
■ Jow tremelyhandsome. ard the general habit is
j Fcbuet to green, in tbs plain -aristy. as
as green
NO. 16.
OLD SAYINGS.
As poor os a church mouse,
As thin as a rail;
As tat as a porpoise,
As rough as a gala;
As bravo as a Jion,
As Bpry as a cat;
As bright as a sixpence,
As weak as a rat.
As proud os a peacock,
As sly ns a fox;
As mad as a March hare,
As strong as an ox;
As fair as a lily,
As empty as air;
As rioh ns Crcesus,
As cross as a bear.
As pure as an angel,
As neat as a pin;
As smart as a steel-trap.
As ugly as sin,
As dead os a door nail,
As white as a sheet,;
As flat as a pancake,
As red as a beet.
As round ns an apple,
As black as your hat;
As brown as a berry,
As blind as a bat;
As mean as a miser,
As full as a tick;
As plump as a partridge^
As sharp as a stick.
As clean as a penny,
As dark as a pall;
As hard as a millstone,
As bitter as gall;
As fine as a fiddle.
As clear as a boll;
As dry as a herring.
As deep as a woll.
As light as a feather.
As firm as a rock;
As stiff a3 a poker,
As calm as a clock;
As green as a gosling,
As brisk as a bee;
And now lot me stop,
Lest you weary of me.
—New Orleans Times-Dstnoerat.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
The school question—Please, may I
g’wout ?—Lowell Citizen.
Men who are a great deal run after-
fugitives from justice .—Boston Courier.
The fireman of a locomotive generally Rochester
has a “tender” disposition.—
Post-Express.
“Can’t you work?" asked a lady of a
tramp. “I don’t know, ma’am. 1 used
to, but I’m out of practice.”— Aferchant-
Trmeler, of fif¬
Maud B. is said to have a stride
teen feet. How a prize fighter must
envy her when the police are after him.—
New York News.
“Why do I live?” is the title of a re-
cent poem. A perusal compels us to give
up the problem as unanswerable.— Bur-
lington Free Press.
It would be the most natural thing in
the world for the young business man to
put the letters of his “dove” in his pigeon
holes .—Burlington Free Press.
Raspberry jam is now made of slewed
tomatoes and liay seed. Give them a lit¬
tle time and they will make white clover
honey out of bone phosphate.— DansviUt
Breeze.
“How are collections to-day?” asked
a man of a bill collector yesterday.
“Slow, very slow; can’t even collect my
thoughts,” was the reply,— Pittsburg
Chronicle.
A South Carolina paper tells of a
farmer in that State who has been at the
plow for sixty-eight years. It is time to
call the old man to dinner .—San Fran¬
cis o Alta.
“Johnny,” said the Sunday-school
teacher, “what is your duty to your
neighbors?” “To asked them to tea as
soon as they get settled,” said Johnny.
—Lewistm Journal.
Landlord—“Come, Sepp, that is the
tenth match I’ve seen you strike. What
have you lost?” Sepp—“I’m looking the
for a match that I’ve dropped on
floor .”—German Joke.
The public look upon the college yell
as a useless accomplishment, but in later
years, when some of the boys get into the
itinerant fish business they find it comes
in powerful handy.— Statesman.
More drummers than ever are out on the
road
This season, the papers inform us;
And we the rise to remark, in a mild sort of way,
That chestnut crop is enormous.
—Hotel Mail.
“Your bill has been running a long
time,” insinuatingly reroar tied the
butcher to Slopay the other morning.
“That’s bad,” remarked Slopay, sympa¬
thetically. “Why don’t you let it walk?”
— Washington Critic.
Mrs. Youngraater—“Do think baby has inherited you know, his
Emily, I Y. (prematurely
father’s hair.” Mr.
bald)—“I’m glad to hear somebody’s in¬
herited it, my love, for I have often
wondered what became of it. — Texas
Siftinge.
Reckoning an Income.
A capable domestic servant in our
cities may annually lay by a sum equal
to the income upon $3,000 in govern¬
ment bonds; and an industrious mechan¬
ic, in steady employment, earns a sum
equal to $20,000 at4 per cent, A team¬
ster in Montana, ora cowboy in Colora¬
do, finds that his strength and skill are
worth to him, in money each year, as
much as would be $40,000 invested in
the same lands,even if he could buy them
at par.
The lawyer or physician $2,000 in a county
t own who earns his annually, if
suddenly debarred from practice, would
require $66,000 in bonds to yield him
the same income: and the editor-in-chief
of a great city daily him, has in hard a power cash, in t.h® hig
brain worth to
capital of $500,000.— Boston Gnwi-e.