Newspaper Page Text
®Ji t pkli£i0 Count])
W. B. imrCEY, Editor.
YOL. II.
In 1888 over a million and a half
(1,538,037) tons of steel rails were made
in this country, or about one-third less
than the 3,390,197 tons produced in
1887. I.ast year about (50,000 tons were
imported, as against 187,000 in 1887.
Prom the present outlook for railroad
construction the consumption of steel
rails in 1889 will be seriously reduced,
is well as the importations.
The study of the science of physical
culture is receiving more public atten¬
tion than ever before in this country.
Harvard University has spent $110,000
for the advancement of it; Amherst, $G5,-
000; Cornell, $40,000; Princeton, $88, ~
000; Johns Hopkins, $10,000; Yale,
since 1800, $13,000, and Vasaar proposes
to spend $30,000. The preparatory
schools and athletic associations are also
spending large amounts for the samo
purpose.__
The New York Graphic mentions the
fact that the Pacific coast is moving for
the purchase by this Government of
Lower California, which it is said the
Mexican Government will sell for $20,-
000,000. The large lands in Lower Cali¬
fornia are nearly all owned by the citi¬
zens of the United States. Senator
Hcarst, of California, owns millions of
acres there. But it is nearly all a moun¬
tainous region. The peninsula is 750
miles in length and from 50 to 120 miles
in width, and by far, the greater portion
is barren and desolate. The only excuse
for its purchase is that the mountains
are full of gold and silver deposits of
great richness.
The grave question of shipping live
stock is one, states the New York Sun,
which is agitating the minds of our
Western cattle growers. It has been re¬
peatedly demonstrated that no matter
how they are transported they are sub¬
jected to the extremes of hot and cold
weather, and through the medium of in¬
sufficient water and feed are rendered in
numerous eases unfit for food on arrival
at destination. While the cattle grow¬
ers stilj adhere to the idea of killing as
near as possibo to where the cattle are
raised, they are still obliged to ship
East and are therefore directing their
attention to tho lines which use power
brakes and close couplers on cattle cars,
which they regard as the best and easiest
riding for all purposes.
The foreign population of Chicago at
this time, according to the Chicago
Globe, is less than thirty per cent, of the
total population. The proportion of the
foreign population of Chicago is actually
less than that of most of the large West¬
ern cities, and probably less than that of
New York city. It is less than that of
St. Louis, than that of Kansas City, than
that (probably) of Cincinnati, and a
great deal less than that of Milwaukee
and many smaller cities of the North¬
west. An erroneous notion concerning
the foreign population of Chicago which
prevails in some parts of the country
makes it a turbulent and dangerous so¬
cial factor. The bulk of the foreign
section of this population is composed
of industrious, hard-working, orderly
and law-abiding people.
Has a photographer any right to sell
photographs of one of his customers
without the consent of the customer;
That is an interesting question which
has just been decided for the first time
in England by the High Court of Jus¬
tice. Mr3. Pollard sat for her photo¬
graph at the gallery of the Photographic
Company. Subsequently she learned
that the company had prepared copies
for Christmas cards and were offering
them for sale. She thereupon applied
for an injunction to restrain this liberty. (
The company contended that the neg¬
ative was their property and that they
had a right to print copies from it
for sale. Mr. Justice North decides
that a photographer has no such right
unless he is expressly or by clear impli¬
cation authorized to do so by the sitter.
He accordingly granted the injunction.
The mania for the construction of ship
canals seem3 to be spreading, or rather
reviving. Russia is the latest to eater
the arena of designs of this character. It
seems that as far back as the time of
Peter the Great a plan was suggested for
connecting the Baltic and White Seas
by a canal. The project has been kept
alive all these years and recently experi¬
enced engineers have been sent out to
survey the country and report on the
difficulties and the cost of construction,
but they have already finished their work
snd handed in their report. They assert
that the difficulties are practically nil
»nd the project quite feasible, and they
istimate the cost of the canal, which will
be 210 Russian versts (120 miles) long,at
$5,000,000. There is practically no
imposition to the carrying out of the
K-heme and 'the prospect is that the
enterprise will soon be commenced.
JASPER, GEORGIA, THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 1889.
VALENTINE VERSES.
CUPID TRIUMPHANT.
“Take heed I Take heed! 1 come with speed,
ForJ’vo just new-strung my bow;
My quiver is full; if the snaft I pull,
Borne arrow-may hit, you know.
"Oh, pull away! 1 ' did the maiden say;
“For who’d be the coward to mind
A bow that is strung by a coward so young,
Who In both of his eyes is blind I”
Tho bow lie drow, and the shaft It flow,
And the maiden was hoard to cry,
"Oh! take this dart from my wounded heart,
Hear Cupid, or else I die!”
lie said, as he smiled, "1 am but a child
And could have no power to find
IVitil both of my eyes where the dart now lies,
And you know, dearest maid, X am blind,"
— Mrs. J. Shepherd.
A HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE.
’Twas not tho moonlight ami the rose,
The days of June in old lung syne;
That brought me suppliant to your feet,
Praying to bo your Valentina.
Tbcso soberer days tho blossoms blow
As fragrant as In old lang syne,
Aud still iu spirit and in truth
I pray to bo your Valentina.
.-Mrs. T. W. Dewing.
lovb’s KESUM11.
Tiie Sun, the Rose, (#io Lily, the Dove—
I loved them all in my early love,
I love them no longer, but her alone—
The Pure, the Tender, the Only, the One;
For she herself, my Queen of Love,
Is Rose, and Lily, and Sun, and Dove!
— Heine.
Elios.
The sense of the world is short—
Loug aud various tho report—
To love and be beloved;
Wen and gods have not outlearned it;
And, how oft soe’er they’ve turned it,
’Tis uot to bo improved.
— Emerson .
grandmamma’s valentine.
Two little birdies after one fly!
Wonder if maybe they mean you and I—
Wil!-Boy and Jim?
Two little b’udders, that you can see;
And if one of ’em‘s you and the other is me,
■ Wonder who’s him!
Butterflies is sucli ex-cuhar-things!
Nothing at all but just two little wings.
Guess they must be
Quick winkle ihinkies! Wonder if this
Isn’t a think, or a dear flying kiss,
FYiu gannie to we?
S’pose wo can catch it? And then if we do
Is one half for I and the other for you?
A fly doesn t-want to be tored into two
And a kiss is as good, when you know it has
,tiv ’
As if it was took.
—Mrs. A. D. T. Whilnej.
THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
Not from tho whole wide world 1 choose thoe,
Sweetheart, light of the land anl the s-a!
The wide, wide world could not inclosa thee
For thou art the whole wide world to me.
—Richard Gilder.
TRIUMFH OF CHABIS.
See tho chariot at hanl here of Love,
Wherein my lady rideth!
Each that draws is a swan, or a dove,
And well the ear Love guideth.
As she gov-3,- all hearts do duty unto her
beauty.
And, enamored, do wish, so they might but
enjoy such a sight,
That they still were to ruu by her side
Through swords, through seas, whither sho
would ride.
—Ben Johnson.
HER CERTIFICATE.
UY EMMA A. OFFER.
The monthly teachers’examination
Black County was about to begin,
Miily sat in a corner of the big room,
biting ley her pencil and gazing at the mot-
assemblage of teachers and trembling
aspirants for first certificates-in antique
shawls and hats in vogue live years ago,
and dresses Miily had uot known that
anybody ever wore
Miily was au aspirant for a first certi-
ficate, but she was not trembling. chafm She
sat erect and bright-eyed aud ngly
stylish in an obviously city-made suit
and a wicked little cap to match It
was clear to the most casual observer
that Miily was not ind genous to Black
County. desert She was a bright oasis in the
of Black Countv styles
The young man in the next seat ap-
peered to think so. He looked at her
ft r“ ‘’“T"!
w, jtllo^w ,L wotQUd
ftom the aster,
K'.uKa.S'hKr 1 - "• pxkcd
-Thenk you,he „id. n. looked
f
upon him.
“I'es. What do you think of them?"
he responded.
She noticed that his light hair curled
thickly, and that he had a fine chin.
“I—I—don’t you think they’re rather
frumpy?” sho said, seriously.
He laughed explosively, bringing his
hand down on his knee.
“The word was made for them!" he
declared. “You see I’m not of Black
County, though I intend teaching here,
and 1 don't feel traitorous. They are
funny.’’ He looked at her with puzzled
incredulity. “Are you going to teach? ’
he murmured. “I beg your pardon,
but--”
“Oh, no, don’t,” cried Miily. Was he
too tad? No. indeed! And his uose
was like Napoleon’s. “I'll tell you
“WE 8EEK THE REWARD OF HONEST LABOR."
about it. I liko to toll people; it’s so
funny. Yes, I’m going to teach if I
can pass the examinations. You see, I’ve
been staying this summer at my Uncle
Bidgley’s, out on a farm. Well, the
teacher in that district was takoiwick
the other day, and what did my Uncle
Kidgicy do but hire me for the fall term
—me! lie’s one of the school directors,
you see. He said it would dome good
to ‘spunk up’ and do it. He’s always
deplored ray not being able to make
crust and weed onions, and he worte
home himself and got permission bo such lor
I know I’ll on oy it—it’ll a
now experience—but I’m full of swful
qualms. I’ve nover taught, and I don’t
know how. And my certificate— l’n’ in
fear and ttembling. I’ve been at board-
ing-school and all that, but I’m dread-
fully rusty in the common branches.”
Shu finished breathlessly and laugh-
ing, and he laughed said, too. in pleased „
“As for me,” he
turn of her confidence, "it’s merely a
means to an end, my teaching. I want
to study law, and I want to do it by my
own exertions. That sounds rather
goody goody, doesn’t it? But I do.
I’ve taught a few terms in my own
county, and now I’ve a school engaged
in. yours. I’ve--”
But a formidably fat examiner rapped
on the platform desk, and sent a thinner,
but equally awe-inspiring, colleague in
and out among the seats with the anth-
motic questions in purple type writing; sharp
and the Black County and applicant’s wrinkled their
ened their pencils
brows studiously and went to work.
Miily opened her lunch-basket, three
hours later, in tho small room provided
for tho purpose.
There was enough for three men, she
mused, as she attacked a sandwich.
A bony young woman—in red and
lavender hat—just ascetic shaking of off soda- the
crumbs of her repast
crackers and pickled pears, she regarded with-
her with stern amazement as
drew.
Through the door she passed through
came the young man who sat next to
Miily
“Oh, are you here?” ho said, with a
shallow pretense to surprise. her" with .
He sat down near an expres- r
61 WbIt V w,f S f it n that C made him look so.
handsome when he smiled,she wondered
-his merry eyes or his white teeth?
“How have you got on?” he quo.-.
Gourd sympathetically, opening
lunch.
•Horridly, she admitted, , lm worse
that I thought. looked I ve forgotten lus every- oread
thing.” 8he at scanty
and butter. “Please have one of my
withes, ® be sald : s hy*y forcing it upon
j V m ° ck ,. « d * ‘f ,Tnfthen ™ Id 7 j
what wil Uncle
j , those cubo-root and brokerage problems,
know I did. How I en vied you, you
looked so perfectly unflustered over
| them 1 And now the did geography well 1 Good- with
1 ucis me I I think I pretty and the
I the Hebrides and V ucatan Obi
I River; but, oh, dear, what are the
j isothermal zonoi?
! 8he made her lip3 and her smooth
brow into a ludicrous pucker as she
1 looked meekly up at him.
j He laughed, with that enjoying, boy-
ish slap of his hand on his knee.
“Don’t you know, honor bright?” he
ejaculated. shook her head solemnly. “I
She
haven’t the faintest idea. I never did
care for physical head!” geography,and it’s gone
right out bit of my ruefully. “Won’t
She a tart you
; take one of these? You sec how much
| j of th s I could never certificate eat! No, all 1” I don’t ‘
believe I’ll get a at
• He gazed at her with poignant regret
in his eyes.
“Oh," I hope sol” he said, sincerely,
“You’ve handed in your papers,
you?” he added, vaguely.
She shook her head.
“No; I was floundering through the
end of it when I got hungry.”
They looked at each other with wide
eyes, startled by a common idea.
“Oh, no.no! you mustn’t! It would nh
be right or honest!” she gasped, half
laughing, half awed.
“Abstractly it wouldn’t,” the young
man responded, reflectively. “Ordinar-
il F, I shouldn’t dream of doing ado it in-
(3ccd i but - )' ou ' see - >' ml aren 1 P t -
ing teaching (each as a profession-you’re term, and that not
g°i n g t0 but one
for the sake of its being a ‘new experi-
ence,’and to please your uncle-and it
would be a pity for and a paltry don’t feel certificate that I
to l ,revent ?""> I
should violate my conscience -and-the by isother- helping
you to it a little, and
nml zones are spaces on opposite sides of
the C( l uator havin & thc same raean *® m "
perature W and bounded by corresponding
isothermal lines.”
******
b’lKBy. , tn week, later, ud re,lied w up
aThtJl be"“ tS'lCoffiee, and
' "“e got it!» ,he cried
""•c* •* ,1 “
j “I’ve got it! My per cents, were’nt,
{ very good, you know, but I passed,
Won’t Uncle John bo glad? Where is
he?"
“Land alive!” said Aunt Iiidgley,
weakly. “What you got? He’s iu the
: barn, likely.” studied
Unde Ridgely document, was glad. with interspersed He
the small
remarks.
1 “I knew you hadn’t no call to worry.”
“Pretty good!” “Hain’t deestrict never be’n a
better teacher in this than
you’ll make—warrant ye!" handed
He took off his spectacles as he
| it back.
“There was a young man here jest
now,” he observed, “about the school,
j Seems he scarlet had one fever engaged broke over to Bev-
erly, and out over
there, and they aan’t goin’ to have no
school yet awhile, and he come over to
ley see told about him gettin' this one. Dave he’s linn-
about it; seems a
cousin of Dave’s. Took examination
two weeks ago, sntuo as you did. Wal.
told him mv niece had got the school
promised to her,” said Uncle Ridgely,
serenely. did like?” said Hilly,
‘‘What he look
with sudden interest,
“Oh, you needn’t spunk up! He’s
goin’ homo on noon train,” said Uncle
Ridgely, follcr winking. “W’y, good and lookin’ hair
ho was; tiiller'n most,
color o’ that cream colored nag and
Curly, and ft good, strong lookin’---’’
Miily hand, crushed her certificate in her ex-
cited
“Where is he?” she demanded,
“W’y, over to Dave Hanley’s, 1 s’porc,
to—” Dave’s his cousin. What are you goin*
But whatever Miily was going to do
she was already doing. Sho whs gone,
and she had dropped her certificate od
the barn floor.
Dave Hanley’s front door was open,
and reasonably stepped full of small Hanleys, but
Miily over (hem.
She could look through to the back
and porch, she where through Dave sat with house, his visitor,
ran the
The visitor rose,
“Why—why—” he stammered,
He waa bewildered, but his delight
was more than his bewilderment. He
took her hand, in his had agitation, small right and
then rembered that ho
to, and blushed.
Dave Hauloy, whether from confusion
or superfine delicacy, waudered into
the yard. looked
Miily shook hands. If she had
pretty in a cloth gown and cap, she was
irresistible in a blue blouse and striped
skirt, and no hat at all, and the young
man devoured her with bright eyes, panted—
“I’ve come to tell you," she
she was out of breath—“that it’s me the
school is promised to; it’s here my Uncle
R'dgely lives—don’t you see? And
I’m going to give it up for you, in you,
favor. I have no right to it, don’t yon
understand? I don’t believe I’d ever go)
my certificate if it hadn’t been for you.
f } httd a blt low ° r ^ geography,
I shouldn’t have passed. It was really
)' 0 " that got it for me, need you unscrupulous heschoo
l >erson - And I don t it
* a < on| y for Uncle law,and-wel), Ridgely-and you do.
to study you ve
8h e° wns'not to bo mcived the fraction
of au inch. smiling, Sho stood and there, twisting flushing
am i p re ttiiy an
en( j 0 f jj er ^j ue but she was firm,
haven’t any right to it, and I don’t
noe( ^ ^ and you want to study law,"
wa3 a j[ 8 h e would say, though he argued
aud carnostl de y pleaded ^“PP^ted. for au hour. Bui
U “
-
8t / nC arly aU wlnt( f tbo A ghe didn’t
ta e tho «4o 0l , and learned to make pic
crus t after all; and the second, that tna(
y0Ilng gchoo lteacher sho married, that
never have known if she hadn’1
g £ a y e( j ft nd jf } 1C hadn’t taught in the
“Jeestrict” that fall, turned out within
four years to be the smartest lawyer ir
pi ac | c County and a notable honor t«
thu family.—Saturday Night.
A Congressman’s Ocean Terror.
j -The Board of Bureau Chiefs, to whicl
Secretary Whitney referred Eeprcsenta
tive Thomas's plans for a coast defeust
vessel, has agreed to report the plans
1 back to the Secretary with a recommen-
dation that they be adopted believes by the l)e- do
partment. The Board the
i sign Mr. has Thomas great merit. has had experi
no more
ence in naval affairs than he could get
, as Chairman of the House Committee,
His business is that of a stock raiser, and
his home is in the part of Illinois called
Egypt, where the only water is in well!
and sloughs and not much of that.
1 Nevertheless, he has designed what ex-
perts say will be the finest, fleetest and
most powerful war vessel afloat.
* She will be a single-turreted monitor,
a heavy armored cruiser, and the only
war ship in the world of variable dis-
placement In peace she will stand seven
and a-ha f feet out of water with upper
works of wood which can be removed
on When goingranto trouble action, she takes water
comes in
draft three feet, leav-
ing but four feet and the great gun tur-
ret above water. This four feet is 1 be
segment of a circle rising from the
water s edjre and presenting welcome a target at
which fe enemy is to fire as
mticb V n ^, lSes . He can t lnt it once
in fifty sfKds, and if he does h t it no-
body cares. Her steel armor will be five
inches thick. Her guns will be able to
,>le '' Ce tLe armor of th ® bes man-of-war
now on the water. Her two ten-inch
breech-loading guns, »U-round turret-protected will
a nd hsmn « an ranga,
,
HgT llllt0 j "?JfVf datln0 w 10M pound, of
£, D ft!
itii„.u P .,t s
S.thU rt***.-^ bCcS Irtln” cl.d in SXS
Propagation of Oysters.
'Die French method of propagation
consists in suspending tiles in the watei
during the spawning season. Tho young
oysters cling very closely to these tiles,
The tiles are coated with plaster, and
after the young oysters have set upon the
plaster the tiles are taken up, the plastei
is separated from the tiles with knives,
1 lin( l M® 3 Are used for the next spawn-
ing season. The plaster holding the sel
is cultivated. then planted, The and the method young is oysters mucl
French
more troublesome and expensive and ex-
pensive than that in use in Long Island
bound. Our Tefuse oyster shells, cin-
ders, etc., serve as collectors instead of
tiles, and the results are splendid .—Ned
York Tima. ■
$1-00 Far Aaq#m, In Advance-
GORDON’S TRAGIC DEATH
DESCRIBED BY AN EYEWITNESS
OF THE SACK OF K ' VETOUM.
Struck Dow if After He Had Sur¬
rendered by Generals Who Had
Been Sent to Take Hi in A live.
The New York Sun prints “an abso¬
lutely authentic account of the last
hours of General Gordon, the hero of
Khartoum, whose lonely tomb in the
centre of the Soudan is venerated even
by the Mahdists as that of a saint.” The
account, which has been collated with
various documents ati'i reports,and oflici,
illy declared to be true, is furnished by
Demetrio Georgio, a Greek, who recently
irrived at Suakin from Khartoum.
Georgio was the born at Berber, and was
present at capture and sack of Khar¬
toum. Here is his story us told to Gen¬
eral G ren fell:
“I was at Khartoum the night it was
taken. The Nile had gone back so that
a part of the city was open. Gordon did
not construct fresh trenches and ramp-
parts, because he thought there was
mfficient troops to defend the city.
There were three thousand, I think.
The gaps and all round about were held
i>y a large force uuder Fang Pasha.
That night Farig moved lus troops,
especially soldiers the blacks, from tho gaps,
laying the wore wanted on the
ether side. Gordon had perfect con-
Idence in Farig.
“The attack took place at two points.
At the largest gap there was no resist-
luce. If the British army, or .even a few
af them, had arrived even one hour be
fore the attack took place, Khartoum
would not have been taken, afid Gordon’s
troops would have fought to the fa t.
Fang had sent word to tho Mahdi:
■Unless you attack to-night all is lost.’
tu that night all was blood and flames.
The city had passed over from the com¬
mand of Gordon to the Mahdi. It was
i dreadful night. I shall remember it
to my dying day. The air echoed with
horrible shrieks, yells, lamentations and
wailings, and smelt of blood.
“I had three friends, Greeks, 1
hastened to rescue them. I had two
Mahdist uniforms given me by an Arab
friend. One I gave to one friend, putting
on the other myself. It was nearing
daybreak when I took my friends to my
house. Some Arabs rushed in telling
roe I ought to go to the Government
House—the seraglio, they called it at
once. I asked why. They Mahdi replied: have
‘AH the great officers of the
gone there to kill Gordon Pasha.’
“When they saw that the third friend
had no Mahdist garment on, they slew
him.
“We were then taken into the court¬
yard. I saw Gordon Dasha smoking river. a
cigarette on a balcony facing the
We had entered at the back of the
palace, entering the yard where the syca¬
more tree is. Georgio Demetrio, the
principal medical officer of the Soudan
and' the provinces, and Nicola Leniin-
dita, the Greek Consul, were with him.
Five hundred dervishes, who had been
sent by the Mahdi with special the orders foot of to
take Gordon alivo, stood at
the staircase. I went up the stairs, being
sent by the men below, who were vocif¬
erating; ‘Gordon Dasha I Gordon Dasha!’
“Gordon coolly left tho balcony.
‘Fly,’ said the other two, ‘while there is
yet time. Go in at the little door and
take the boat.’
t. i Shall I fly and leave my post?’ Gor¬
don replied, indignantly. ‘That, indeed,
would be a disgrace. I shall not iiy.’
“He then went into his inner room
irod donned his full uniform and sword.
Then he came out and height. grandly On drew his
himself up to his full
visage was a look of scorn.
“ ‘Whom seek ye?’ he asked, on gaz¬
ing at the sea of angry faces.
“Gordon Dasha!’ they cried.
“ ‘You want him, do you? I am he.
Come up hither,’Gordon again urged replied. by Demotrio
“On being Greek Consul fly, Gordon
and the to re¬
plied: ‘For shame! Would you have
me abandon my post ignominiousiy ?'
He could easily have escaped at the rear
then.
“As Gordon stood boldly facing the
dervishes several superior Mahdist Gen¬
erals came up. The dervishes allowed
them to pass. They ascended the stairs
and asked for the Pasha. Gordon met
them saying: ‘I am he,’ and handed them
his sword iu military fashion, intimating
that he knew they had taken the place,
and that consequently he surrendered
according to the usages of war. But
Nassas, one of the Generals, snatched
hold of his sword, at the same time, in a
brutal and most cowardly manner, strik¬
ing Gordon an unexpected blow. The
Pasha would have fought desperately
had he thought he would not be fell, treated
in an honorable manner. IIo roll¬
ing down the stairs. As lie rolled,
another General speared him on the left
side inflicting a dangerous wound.
“Thus died Gordon. I was there, a
spectator to the ghastly deed. I got out
of the way when he rolled to the bottom
of the stairs. Some say that Gordon
was cut up to liitle pieces, but others
relate that they embalmed his body and
took it to the Mahdi. There were bodies
cut up, but I am inclined to believe that
these were the bodies of the Consul and
the doctor."
Paper Doors.
The paper doors now coming into use
are claimed to possess the advantage
over wood of neither shrinking, swelling,
cracking nor warping. They are formed
of two thick paper boards, glazed stamped and
Molded into panels and together
with glue and potash and then rolled
through heavy rollers. waterproof After being
covered with a coating
md one that is fireproof, they arc
painted, varnished and hung in their
usual way. - Burlington (N. J.) Gazette.
The Judges of the Supreme Court of
Pennsylvania now wear bla- k silk
now us.
NO. 22.
A SIGN.
True love knowB no barriers^
Laughs at lock ant key,
Neods no tongue interpreter
To ask, “Lov’st thou Tnet”
Eyes look into-eyes and speak
Eloquently, dumb;
Tell-tale blushes on the cheek
Whisper whence they coma.
Hand greets hand with mute care**,'
Lingering tenderly,
Baying thus “I’d fain express
All I feel for thee”
But when Love, grown brave, would dare
Stok# yy- o bidder sign,
Then—I Tom out a heart’s despair-
Thera comes a Valentine.
—Demo rest's Magazine.
HUM Oil OF TI1E DAY.
The place to call the roll—Breakfast.
An under current—The Atlantic cable.
A “howling swell"—Tho sea in a
storm.
A political nobleman—The official
Co u ut.
“Catch words"—“Nab," “grab,”
“clutch,” etc.
Happy is the dude who has the mus-
tache down fine.
A bank note—“Dear sir, you’ro ac¬
count is overdrawn.”
There is but little poetry in a gas bill
when tho metre is out of order.
Object to the impediment to their
speech.—The Chicago* Anarchists.
A woman glass-eater named Eliza, in
a Denver dime museum,Is known l6cally
as Crystal I ize .—Pittsburg Cf.roni;le.
When a public office-holder comes to
feel that he is a big gun, it is time for
him to be fired .—Someroille Journal.
A kiss is often explosive. But we have
yet to see the lovers who shriuk from
this particular kind of dynamite.—
Pacific Stale-.
AMnan’s disposition can often be
judged by the color of his eyes, but still
mure correctly by the color of h s nose.
Burlington free Press.
IVhen tho bashful young man finally
comes to- the poiut, it cools his ardor
considerably to find, • '•>> R *'
is the freezing poiut.
The reason why h
hovers over Eurojn,
she can’t find any pfie jf clout*
of bayonets to give 1» .
How like the a^ue is tats b
Of matrimonial strife!
The fever ends In one short nn-on,
The chill runs on through life.
Bel ford's Magazine.
“That Campbell family are the very
scum of the earth?” “But, Harry, they
move in the very highqgt circles. ” 1 *Well,
isn’t scum always found at the top?"—
Tim-.
“Well, Patrick, what struck you moat
during your Southern trip?” “The mule,
sor!” replied Patrick, with a grin that
disclosed the absence of nine molars.—
Burlington Free Pre is.
“I—aw—wahut a tie, doneherknow,
to match my eyes.” “Let me see. Blue
eyeB aud—er— sorry sir, but our blue
ties with red edges are all sold. Have
some in next week.”— Harper’s Bazar.
'Monsieur X—“I have an invitation to
Mine. Y.’s ball next week.” Monsieur
Z._‘<So have I.” Monsieur X. (aston¬
ished)— “Is it possible! she must in¬
tend to give a very large party."—
America.
America’s madhouses are pretty well
loaded with insane people, but they
can’t hold a candle or kerosene lump to
the number of fish that go in seine at
certain seasons of the year. — Oil City
Blizzard.
A Rondout barber, who, it seems, can
never get an “edge” on his razors, was
dumbfounded several days ago when a
customer dropped into the chair and
said: “Give me laughing gas before you
begin operations.”
“Why not call North Dakota Unca
papa?” asks the 8t. Daul Pioneer Press.
That’s it; why rot? Why not call it
Chaubunagungamaug? Why not call
it Chimquassabamtook, or Molechunka
munk? —Norwich Bulletin.
A petition is being circulated among
the business men of New York, who
patronize the elevated road, requesting
the guards not to kill more than one
member in a family, except in cases of
absolute necessity.— Life.
The merchant had been sick unto
death. “Tell me the truth, doctor,” h«
said, “is the danger overt” “Sure,"said
the doctor; “there is no more dauger; tho
crisis is passed.” Ami the merchant re¬
vokes his bequest of $5000 to the hos¬
pital.
Bad Actor (in restaurant)—“Waiter,
what do you mean by bringing me such
eggs? They are absolutely rotten.”
W aiter (who had seen the actor perform
the night before;—“I thought that Drake's was
the kind you always got, sir.”—
Magazine.
Miss Spinster (to shoe dealer)—“I
sen (hat you have marked down some of
your shoes.” t-hoe Dealer- “Yes; that
line of ladies’ shoes is marked clown.
Wc have marked ’em all down twosixe*.
Now there’s a tidy little gaiter, 1J, I
think will and just tit you.” shoes.— Miss Spinster
blushes buys the Harper's
Bazar.
A patent-medicine dilating vender crowd in a country the
village was to a upon
wonderful “Why,” efficiency of his iron bitters.
said he, “Steve Jenkins had
only taken the bitters oue week wheu he
was shoved into prison for murder, and
what does Steve do but open a vein in
his arm and take iron enough out of his
blood to m«Ke a crowbar, with which he
pried the doors open and let himself
out!"
The Board of Education of Alaska
has abolished flogging in the public
schools.