Newspaper Page Text
W. B. MISTCEY, Editor.
VOL II.
Cotton manufacture is drifting toward
the South, announces the New Orleans
Picayune , where the raw material grows
and labor is cheap.
Tho Argentine Government is con¬
templating the repurchase of some of the
public land in order to resell it in small
lots to actual settlers, At present a
private land corporation is offering land
to immigrants near Bahia Blanca at $20
per acre on twenty years’ credit, with
nine per cent, on deferred payment of
instalments, the company agreeing to
furnish seeds, tools, animals, provisions,
etc., to the amount of $1000 during the
first year at a fixed price, with interest as
above.
So far as players, umpires and captains
arc concerned, baseball has passed be¬
yond the realm of sport into the field of
science. To them, says the Argonaut,
it is a very laborious and serious bu; mess.
Eminence among players is now attained
only by wise and well-directed industry.
The player makes baseball his life-work,
and becomes by virtue of his salary and
position a high-grade skilled laborer. He
cannot give time, attention, or energy to
anything else if he would stand well with
his manager or the critical public.
It will probably be news to most
people that Connecticut is, with the sole
exception of Illinois, by far the largest
producer and consumer of artificial butter
of any State in the Union. Over 6,250,-
000 jiounds of oleomargarine were made
and eaten in Connecticut and Rhode
Island (forming the Connecticut Internal
Revenue District) last year, being an
average of nearly ten pounds a year for
every man, woman and child in the com¬
munity. There are seven factories en¬
gaged in the production of the stuff, and
uearly three hundred dealers licensed to
retail it.
That the old-time street car, with horses
as a motive power, must go, there is no
doubt, A street pail wav journal has ob¬
tained some interesting information as to
the views of many lines on future motor
power. In response to very extended in¬
quires several hundred replies were re¬
ceived stating the ideas of those in au¬
thority as to the continuance or discon¬
tinuance of horses on their roads. Eighty-
two per cent, gave it out that they con¬
template the substitution of either elec¬
tric or mechanical power for their horses.
Thirty-four per cent, definitely preferred
electricity, and sixteen are equally definite
in favor of some other artificial force.
The Timberman does not seem alarmed
at the prospect of an early destruction of
our timber supply. It asserts that Puget
Sound has 1800 miles of shore line, and
all along this lino, miles and miles
farther then the eye can reach, is one vast
and almost unbroken forest of enormous
trees. The forests are so vast that, al¬
though the sawmills have been ripping
500,000,000 feet of lumber out of them
every year for the past ten years, the
spaces made by these inroads seem no
more than garden patches. An official
estimate places the amount of standing
timber in that area at 500,000,000,000
feet, or a thousand years’ supply, even at
the enormous rate the timber is now being
felled and sawed. The editor adds that
the timber belt of Washington Territory
covers an area equal to that of the States
of Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut
and New Hampshire.
One century of free institutions makes
the American one of the oldest forms of
government in the civilized world, All
other countries, not even excepting Eng¬
land, the Boston Cultivator avers, have
had revolutions effecting in fact, if not in
name, an entire change in the basis ou
which governments rest, France is to-
day a republic, as are nearly all the coun¬
tries on this continent. Spain has been a
republic and is now a constitutional mon¬
archy, as also is Italy. Only in Russia
despotism remains unchecked except by
dread of assasination, but the dread is
growing greater, and the Czar, cowering
for his life, is no longer an autocrat that
the Czar of 100 years ago was. Enormous
changes have occurred in tho improvement
of condition of the common people
throughout the world. Elsewhere than
here those changes have been more or less
revolutionary. It is the part of wisdom
now to look closely and see whether in
the new era on which the country is en¬
tering there are not yet remaining roots
of bitterness that may spring up to vex
our posterity.
Mildew can be removed by soaking in
{juttermilk.
GEORGIA, FRIDAY , JULY 12, 1889.
LOVE ME.
[ wander through the blooming woods,
Where no unhallowed thought intrudes,'
And song and sunshine fall in floods;
1 hear among the budding trees
Contentment sighing in the breeze,
And oven tho winds reprove mo
For crying out ’mid scenes like these,'
“Love me! Love me! Love me!”
I mingle with yet walk apart
The crowds that throng the busy mart,
And silent bear my breaking heart,
And live—oh, life! with pain replete,
So sweetly sad, so sadly sweet,
With only one hope to movo me;
These echoing heart-throbs still repeat,
“Love me! Lovome! Love me!”
The pinions of tho day are furled,
And night enshrouds the sleeping world;
But still, like restless billows hurled
Upon the shore, my spirit flies,
From star to star, with weary eyes,
Through the pitying skies abovo mo,
And in its hopeless anguish cries,
“Love me! Love me! Love me!”
—Montgomery M. Folsom.
A ROMANCE OF THE SEA.
BY GEOIIGE ROGERS nOWELL.
April the fifteenth,ISIS, at Southamp¬
ton on the east end of Long Island. The
air is vocal with the piping of a million
tadpoles in the swampy grounds west of
the homesteads of the mam street of the
village. It is the first sure herald of
spring. A maiden lithe and fair steps out
from one of the many cosy farmhouses,
and takes her way to the Academy hall,
where the weekly singing-school is held
under the instruction of a portly man
with a flute to lead the sopranos. Let us
enter the home she has left. A man in
middle age has just laid down the semi-
weekly Spectator which he had been read¬
ing aloud,and turns slowly his gaze upon
his wife, who is engaged in mending the
family stockings. He has a weary,anxious
look before he breaks the silence.
“Well, mother, do you see what we
can do to save the old homestead?”
“Is it as bad as that, father? I should
think you could borrow the money of
some of the neighbors. It is only five
hundred dollars. ”
“I know, but we can’t touch Henry’s
money in the bank for months yet, sup¬
posing the ship and crew are lost; and I
hate to go begging for a loan, and, be¬
sides, who has the money to lend except
the Squire? And you know how he feels
toward me?”
“Well, it is not due until June and
the Lord will find a way. I have trusted
Him too long to give up now.”
The husband answered only with a
sigh. Mr. Mitchell had been injured by
a fall some fifteen years before, and ever
since, though able to carry ou his fanry-
ing business, had never been able to do
an able-bodied man’s day’s work, Two
years before he had lost by lire a barn
with its contents of hay, grain and horses,
and could only get the money to rebuild
and stock by securing a loan with amort- -
gage on the homestead. This he thought
was safe enough as the sum might be
partly obtained from the sale of his crops
and partly by assistance from his son,
then at sea as second mate of the whaler
Ticonderoga, of Sag Harbor. But crops
had been small, and the ship was long
overdue, and fears were general of her
having foundered in a gale.
While the good people in this troubled
house were discussing their hopes and
fears, let us enter another of the village
residences. The ’squire and his wife also
are alone. One son, their first born, is
the Captain of the missing whaler; the
other, a bright young man not yet singing a year
out of college, has gone to the
school with his sister. Nellie Gelston is
jthe light of that household, and her fa¬
ther, the village ’squire, as the people
hall, in familiar language, the resident
(justice of the peace, has not yet learned
to look with friendly eve on the suitors
that have sought to take her from the
'paternal home to another. She objectionable loves,and
'her lover is a particularly
match in the eyes of her father. He is
the second mate of the Ticonderoga.
The father’s objections are not personal
but arise from family considerations.
What they are may be learned from the
conversation now taking place between
the ’squire and his wife,
“But,” said good Mrs, Gelston, “you
should not reckon it a fault in Hiram that
■he was partially disabled by an accident
that might have happened to you or any
one along the street.”
“No, not a fault, but a misfortune. I
don’t wish Nellie allied with an unlucky
family. And besides, there’s that ever¬
lasting dispute about the boundary of the
jwoodlot at Sebonae. You know Hiram
jelaims a long strip of my woodland heav-
! ily timbered. We neither of us are will¬
ing to get into a regular fight over it,and
iso neither of us cuts there. All the
'same, the old lines in the deeds run over
'by compass put the strip in my land, and
:he obstinately clings to an old stone be
Iclaims is a corner stone which may have
’been there for ages before a white man
lever came here. And then, there is that
| cow he bought of me and claims he paid
ifor to Marshall just before he went to sea.
;If he did, why didn’t Marshall tell me of
it or hand it over?”
“Why, you know, the ship had been
;ready and waiting for a fair wind to go
out of the harbor for three days, and the
very next morning after Mr. Mitchell
■paid, as he said he did, a messenger came
jup early from the harbor and hurried the
men off. In the hurry probably Marshall
forgot all about it. I think we will have
to wait till the ship comes in before we
“WE SEEK THE REWARD OF HONE8T LABOR."
can believe Hiram would tell a lie for
twenty-five dollars."
“Yes, if the ship ever does come in,"
said the Squire, testily. “As to Mar¬
shall’s marrying Bertha Mitchell, that s
' girl and
his own affair. Bertha is a nice
he can take care of her. But our Nellie
—I cannot, ns I feel now, give her to
Henry until at least lie is better able to
support her.
“Well, he is doing well so far, and
Nellie is satisfied. Don’t you think she
ought to have something to say in the
choice of her husband?”
To this the ’squire found no answer at
hand and lapsed into a moody silence.
A few days after the scenes at the open¬
ing of our tale, on a bright morning Mr.
Mitchell and the ’squire met in the vil¬
lage street. After friendly salutations
Mr. Gelston asked of his neighbor if he
was willing to make one more trial to set ¬
tle the boundary of the wood-lots, and as
that day promised to be line weather, to
go at once upon the work.
“Yes,” said Mr. Mitchell, “I will go,
although I had intended to go after a lot
of soft shell clams at Cold Spring. But
never mind, they will keep. Yes, I will
go and take the old deeds to get the
courses and distances of the land.”
“Oh. by the way, suppose we have my
son Thomas along to run the lines. You
know lie has a set of surveying instru¬
ments and must be familiar with all the
new wrinkles in the business as ho has
just graduated at Yale. There he comes
now. Tom, we were just speaking of
tackling the old boundary line at Sebonae
_do you feel competent to undertake the
business?”
“Yes, I think I can run a wood line
without any trouble. I was thinking
about the old boundary line last night
and the idea came into my head that I
could solve the problem that has baffled
the old town surveyor. You see, neither
the first surveyor who laid out the lots
in 1750 when the deeds were written, nor
the old living surveyor ever thought of
the variation of the needle. We stumbled
on just such a difficulty in our practice
at college. Well, I looked over my notes
at once and found that in 1750 the
variation of the needle was about eight
degrees west, and now it is about six
degrees uslhe west. This correction may show
true line.”
“Good, my boy, that’s a good idea,”
said the’squire, “and we’ll give it a trial,
You go home, neighbor, and get your
deed and T will harness up at once and
take you with us.”
Once in the woods, there was no diffi-
culty in finding the starting point at the
southeast corner of the land of Mr.
Mitchell, which was, of course, the
southwest corner of that of ’Squire
Gelston. These lots were in long paral-
lelograms, the longest in a northerly and
southerly direction. This corner was
marked by a rough-hewn stone, broken
from one of the coarse granite bowlders
that are quite common on Long Island,
having been dropped there in past geol-
ofric ages from the icefields or icebergs
of New England when the island was
under the sea. The course, as laid down
in the old deed brought by Mr. Mitchell,
was north seven degrees west, eighty-
four rods; thence south twenty rods, etc.
The lino, run on this course by compass
eighty-four rods, terminated four rods to
the south of tho rude, rounded stone
which Mr. Mitchell claimed as the true
corner-stone from information given him
by bis father. But the line, thus run,
cut off a triangle eighty-four rods long,
four rods wide at one end and coming to
a point at the other at an included angle
of about two degrees and forty-four
minutes, and included a little more than
an acre of heavily timbered land, claimed,
as we have seen, by both parties. The
young surveyor, making the proper cor-
rection for the change in the variation of
the needle of two degrees, laid off the
now line south five deegrees west, and,
to tho surprise and chagrin of the ’Squire, claimed
it ended so near the corner-stone
by Mr. Mitchell, as to put it beyond dis¬
pute, that the latter had but claimed bis
own. But the ’Squire was as upright in
his own dealings as he was in adjusting
the disputes of his neighbors.
“The land is yours, Hiram, and I had
rather it should be so than to have it in
doubt. And, Tom, my boy, the satisfac¬
tion I get from your work to-day, more
than repays all your college education has
cost me. And, I think your mother will
be as happy as cither of us, when she
learns how you have settled this old dif¬
ference. But one thing I will say: I
have lost confidence in the magnetic
leedle; I shall never have my old respect
for it again. To point one way one day
and another, another—bah !”
The first day of May has come and still
no tidings of the Ticonderoga. The
fields have turned from gray to green.
The spring crops have been planted,
fences repaired and there comes a lull in
the industries of the farms. The daily
stage to Sag Harbor is starting with the
mail bag for way stations ami New York,
and thence to all points of the compass
to the ends of the earth. The street was
quiet save for the rumbling stage coach
till it turned the corner of the old post
road to the harbor. Suddenly the quiet
was interrupted by the sound of a distant
cannon from tho sea. One man in the
center of the main street has already had
his morning meal and is standing on his
doorstep. Ho hears the gun and in an
instant the listlesg attitude disappears.
His face kindles with excitement and he
hurries into his house. He soon reap¬
pears with a seaman’s spy-glass and hur¬
ries to the house of a neighbor. This
man with the spy-glass is known to the
village as Uncle Bill, and, socially, is
everything that friend, Ishmael and was not. He is
every- man’s every man is a
frie?*(l to him.
With prompt decision he goes to the
only man in the village who has before
sailed in the Ticonderoga, in order that
he may have one to identify her if she
proves to be the long expected ship. To¬
gether they hasten to the Presbyterian
Church, one end of which is reared a
large square tower, and to the upper deck
of this they climb with hurrying steps.
Again and again the cannon sigual has
broken the silence of the spring morning,
and by this time many arc in the street
of Loth sexes and all ages. They have
heaAl the guns, and the cries repeated
•along the street: “A ship off the const,
colors set and guns firing!” and they all
know the iron-throated cannon is speak¬
ing fo them, They soon discover the
two * men on the church tower and
thither flow's a stream of anxious ones,
while others rush to their own housetops
to insjiect for themselves, and a score of
glasses are soon turned on the passing
ship, not three miles distant. Uncle
Bill’s companion looks long and stead¬
fastly. At last the glass is lowered and
he says: “That is the old Ticonderoga
sure enough. But the foremast is goue
and they have rigged out a jurymast in
its place. That puzzled me a little at
first, and one of the boats is gone from
the davits, but I can see the figure head
of old Ethan Allen and his cocked hat at
the bows. Yes, that’s the Ticonderoga,
and wdth this wind she’ll bo in Gardiner’s
Bay this afternoon.”
At this announcement, Uncle Bill
leaned over the parapet of the tower,
m#ea speaking trumpet of his hand and
shouted to the crowd waiting below,
“The Ti-con-de-ro-ga!” In less than an
hour the'uews of the safe return of the
whaler was the subject of joyful discus-
sion in every household of the village,
Now if the wind holds on, by 3 o’clock
they will cast anchor in the outer buy.
While the women are preparing the va-
riety and abundance of food that nature
provides so bountifully for these dwell-
em by the sea, and looking to the apart-
meats so long unoccupied that they shall
be in readiness, the men after the dinner
hour start for Sag Harbor to welcome and
bring home their sons and brothers,
They have not long to wait on the dock
before boatloads of men and sea-chests are
being rapidly rowed to land. Up the
uock stairs they swarm, swarthy young
men with the activity of eats and “beard-
picture • like the belter 4j‘»rd.” than The the imagination describe can the
pen
welcome they received, and no man
winced at the strong grips given and re-
ceived on that May afternoon on Long
wharf. But home was still ten miles
away, Soon the sea-chests were bundled
into the farm wagons and the procession
took its way toward Southampton,
“Well, Marshall,” said’Squire Gelston
to his son, as they left the toll-gate be-
hind them and entered the straggling
fringe of woods, through which the sura-
uier seabreeze must sift before it fans the
brows of the denizens of Sag Harbor,
“what detained you so long beyond the
time we naturally expected you to re-
turn?”
“Everything. As a sailor you know
the old Ti. is an old tub anyhow, one of
those ships that make fourteen miles in
fifteen days, Then when we were rc-
cruiting in vegetables and water in Hon¬
olulu I had a chance to ship home 500
barrels of oil and concluded to do so, af¬
ter sounding the officers and crew, and
cruise a month or two for sperm whales
off the coast of Africa. So I laid in some
more casks and actually was lucky enough
to fill up again with sperm oil. It’s the
best voyage I ever made. Then after leav¬
ing the last whaling ground for home, in
latitude twenty-five degrees north wu en¬
countered a heavy gale that carried away
our foretopmast. We had taken in all
sail but reefed foretopsail, and kept her
as near the wind as we could till the gale
at Its height split the topsail into ribbons
and brought down topmast, rigging and
all about our heads. The gale whirled
the ship around lily in the trough of the sea
and the o thing left was to cut away
the mast and run before the wind. We
were in some danger of being over¬
whelmed by the big seas that sometimes
broke over the stern but we rode it out,
and when the gale broke and the sea went
down we were a good ways oil our course.
However, we rigged out a jurymast at the
fore, and saved the ship and cargo. We
lost one boat in the scrimmage and
ourselves lucky to get off as
as that. Of course the seas often
the decks and made lively times
ten or twelve hours. Every man on
board stood up to his work like a hero.”
“What kind of a man did you find
your second mate Henry Mithell in those
of danger?” the Squire asked.
“As plucky a man as ever trod a deck.
And quick to see and take advantage of
means of handling the ship. Ask
men what they think of him. I sup¬
I owe my life to him to-day for his
in knowing what to do and
doing it. We were off, three boats of
after a sperm whale. He came up
near me and my boatsteerer fastened a
harpoon into him. He began to show
fight, and just then Harry came up and
the whale made for his boat, head on.
Harry picked him several times with his
lance and thus kept off the attack, all the
time watching an opportunity to lance
him in a "vital part. I laid as close by
as I dared, when suddenly the whale
turned to strike the boats with his tail,
Harry seized the moment to lance
in earnest, at the same time shouting
his men to back water,. This saved
his boat in the nick of time, but the
$1.00 Per Annum, In Advance.
flukes came crashing down on the gun¬
wale of my boat, and a broken oar or
lance-polo knocked me insensible, over¬
board. The whale was spouting blood
just out of reach, and Harry pulled up
and was in the water instantly. He suc¬
ceeding in reaching me and brought me
to the surface, and both of us were taken
aboard. I was not much hurt, but
stunned by a blow on the head, and was
over it in a day or two. Yes, he is pure
grit, and as good u seaman as any master
in the Harbor.”
What were the feelings of the good
'squire at this moment wo can easily con¬
jecture. A revolution begun in the fcie-
bonac woods now fairly converted him.
Yes, lie acknowledged it at last to him¬
self, Harry Mitchell was good enough
even for his own loved Nellie. li« not
only could no longer oppose the match,
he would take the boy as one of his own
sons. In this flume of mind he pulled
up his team at the old homestead. At
the door stood mother, sister and brother
to welcome the young Captain. What
they said and what they did we may leave
to the imagination of the reader.
When at last the story of the long de¬
tention has been told again, and a lull
had occurred in the thick coming ques¬
tion and answer, Mrs. Gelston with some
little hesitation and a meaning look to¬
ward her husband, turned to her sou and
inquired:
“Oh, by the way, Marshall, do you re¬
member Mr. Mitchell’s paying you the
evening before you left, for a cow lie had
bought of youi' father?”
“Oh, nevermind that now,” broke in
the ’squire. “I had entirely forgotten
the matter. And it’s of no consequence
how.”
“There, there, see how well I attend
to other people’s business. Of course he
paid me twenty-live dollars in two bills,
and if you will lrt me go up to the closet
in my room l guess I shall find it in the
pocket of olT the vest and I left there.” again
And he ran was back be¬
fore the others had recovered from their
astonishment, waving the bills tri¬
umphantly above his head.
“Did you think, Mr. Mitchell-”
“Never mind, my boy, what I thought.
I know now my old neighbor is as true as
the sun. And the sooner you young folks
turn up into brothers-in-law, or whatever
the relations will be—you understand—
the bettor it will suit me.”
If Nelly blushed a rosy red, and Mar¬
shall was radiant with happiness, and the
face of good Mrs. Gelston beamed with
delight on all and especially on her hus¬
and band, I why would it would be under no more the than circum¬ you
expect
stances. And so two weedings took place
in that month of May. Not a double wed¬
ding where people were married in
platoons, but two separate weddings on
two separate days, each bride from the
home of her own father. They were
neither of them to be robbed of the honor
and pleasure of their own wedding duy.
The, boundary of their individual lives was
to be marked each by its own solemn and
joyous ceremonial, where the best their
parents had was none too good for their
daughters’ marriage .—Albany Press.
SELECT SIFTINGS.
Ohio has lately been treated to o
shower of crawfish.
It took ten men to put the hind shoes
on a Pennsylvania mule.
A Japanese lias discovered a method oi
applying nickel plating to wood.
L. B. Brown, of Albany, Ga., hits a
$4 shinplaster bearing date of 1777.
A journey to Venus would take fifty
years, traveling at sixty miles an hour.
Jose Riva Galban, a Spaniard, has just
died at Bordeaux, France, aged 118
years.
A pew industry in Philadelphia is that
of leasing paintings and other works art
for private receptions.
T. Burwell Green, of Washington,
Ga., has a biscuit that was baked at Man-
nassas Junction in 1861.
J. B. Richardson, of Lumpkin, Ga.,
has distinguished himseif by raising a
rose five inches in diameter.
Oxmoor, Ala., has a curiosity in the
shape of a petrified pine stump, weighing
about three hundred pounds.
An Oglethorpe (Ga.) hoy has a eat
which is performing maternal functions
for three young foxes and two kittens.
A Redding (Cal.) man has made a lot
of sugar from tho native maple, and con¬
noisseurs pronounce it equal to the east¬
ern product.
About the only rail fence in Cleveland,
Ohio, curious to say, is in the most aristo¬
cratic portion of the city, ou Euclid ave¬
nue, near Case.
Mrs. E. B. McNulty, of Dawson, Ga.,
has the diploma given to her great grand¬
father at Princeton College and signed by
one of the signers of the Declaration of
Independence.
An Atlanta (Ga.) burglar has a pistol
on whose handle are twelve notches,
every one of which he says represents tho
killing of a man. Pity the burglar
couldn’t be hanged twelve times.
A party from Naples, Fla., a few days
ago had with them the jaws of a leopard
shark measuring eighteen inches in width
and two feet in tho spread. The mouth
was large enough to take in a barrel at
one gulp.
In the Church of St. Andrew Under¬
shaft, London, the church of tho Bishop
of Bedford, is to be seen an old Bible
that still has attached to it the chain by
means of which in former days it was
fastened to the pulpit.
NO. 38.
BOTH.
Grandmother knit for tho baby
A jacket of blue.
“No color for boys,” so she wrote it,
“But this one will do.”
And sho sont a gold pin with a blank for the
name,
“To wait till “he” came.
Next day came from lovely Aunt Mollie
Now what do you think?
All scoutod, embroidered and dainty,
A jacket of pink!
“To dress a girl-baby in bluo is a shame 1”
Sho wrote: “What’s her name?”
“Dear Grandma,” wrote mumma one morn¬
ing,
“Your jacket in blue
is just tho right thing for our baby,
His eyos are so blue."
And her note to Aunt Mollie was strange,
you may think!
‘ ‘Our dear little girl is so pretty in pink l”
I fear that you’ll say her two letters
At variance seemed,
Or that I am telling you something
I could but have dreamed;
But the fact is, her stories wero nothing but
true;
For the twins wore both jackets—tho pink
and the blue!
—Agnes L. Mitchell, til Babyhood,
HUMOR OP THE DAY.
A love-letter—W. *
An early settler—A man who pays his
fella promptly.
They say a sheep-dog’s favorite vege¬
table is a collie flower.
A dog will bark up u treo. So will
a horse, if hitched to one too long.—
S{/tings.
If “brevity is the soul of wit,” drawfs
should be the funniest of men.— Pittsburg
Chronicle.
“Yes, Julius, the health lift is a good
thing, but don’t look for it in the vicinity
of a mule’s heels.”— Burlington Free Press.
It is said that every man lias his double,
[t generally occurs in youth, during the
^reen-apple season.— l*rovidence Journal.
Many people travel for health; but you
;annot travel in England without losing
ieveuty-five or a hundred pounds.—
Bazar.
McCorklc—“Smytho says he owes you
a grudge.” McCrackle—“Never mind;
Smythe never pays anything.”— Harper's
Bazar.
The young King of Spain’s nurses
probably have little trouble in keeping
I him clean since he is himself the Castile’s
hope.— Hotel Mail.
The mean is not the extreme, but if
there is anything meaner than a hornet’s
extreme it has not come this way.— Bing¬
hamton liepublican.
Stella—“Oh, Bella, how glad I am! I
haven’t seen you for ages!’’ Bella—
“Hush! You will give us both away.”—
Burlington Free Press.
“How came Goveruor Buck to marry a
woman inferior to him in social position?"
“Oh, you forgot she began life as a gov¬
erness."— Boston Gazette.
Cora—“What induced you to tell Mr.
Merritt I went to the party last night
with George?” Little Johnnie—“A
quarter.”— Harper's Bazar.
First Broker—“Jay Gould’s stocks are
feverish this morning.” Second Broker
—“Feverish! Is it possible that he for¬
got to water them?”— Texas Siftings.
An Ohio church deacon exclaimed:
“Consarn it all to Texas t” and the verdict
of the church investigation was: “Not
guilty, but in bad taste,”— Detroit Free
Press.
Mistress—“Now, Jane, clear away the
breakfast dishes and then look after the
children. I’m going around the corner
to have a dress fitted.” Faithful Ser¬
vant—“Yes, mum. Will ye take the
night key, or shall I set up for ye?”—
Time. ,
A miller fell fast asleep in his mill, and
bent forward until his chair was caught
in some machinery, and almost a handful
of hair was pulled out. Of course he was
awakened. II is first bewildered exclama¬
tion was: “Hang it! wife, what’s the
matter now?”— Tid Bits.
Some strolling actors were once play¬
ing “Macbeth” in a country town. Their
properties were not kept in very fcystem-
atic order, for, wiien the hero of Shakes¬
peare’s drama exclaimed : “Is this a dag¬
ger which I see before me?” a shrill voice
responded from the “flies:” “No, sir;
it’s the putty-knife; the dagger’s lost!”
—Household Words.
Curing the Falsetto Voice of Men.
A St. Louis gentleman tells the follow¬
ing story: “I consulted, the other day,
a well-known St. Louis specialist in throat
and lung diseases, a man who Is famous
in the country for his original investiga¬
tion. Chatting with him after my busi¬
ness was disposed of, he casually men¬
tioned a discovery he had made a year be-
foro, by which he was able to cure the
falsetto voice of men. ‘ ‘I thought it was
incurable,” said I. “Oh, no,” he said.
“The cure is a mere matter of training a
certain idle throat muscle to do its proper
ivork. You know Mr. Blank and Mr.
Dash and young B. I showed them in
ten minutes how to cure the falsetto voice,
ind after a week’s exercise they all came
back to me talking in full, manly bari¬
tone and bass voices.” “But it is not
generally known that you have dis¬
covered this,” I said. “Why don’t you
write something about it?” “Well,”
?aid he, U I can’t aiiord. to untag’onize the
profession, as I should do if I advertised
that I could do something other phy¬
sicians could not do.”