Jasper news. (Jasper, Ga.) 1885-????, June 20, 1885, Image 3
oiiMOBous SKETCHB&
“I guesi we'll have some peace at our
House now," remarked Johnnie, who waa
calling at the house of a friend
ho ; , S Ob, e° W .‘.Has1he no, the h^been baby cues aich>; about two * ,
thirds of the time, but that s nothing.
He s a.l nght. i
“But what did by .
you mean saving
there wouid be peace at your house here
a “Why ,aJra you ma’s , left , , „ the church , ,
see,
she did belong to and joined the one
where pa goes.”— Oil City Blizzard. ,
!
Off What She Though*.
“Pway, Miss Hattie,” lisped a slim to
a young woman sitting idly in Nfee sun,
“of what ah you thinking, don’t you
know?”
“Nothing, Mr. Montmorenci, . abso
lutely nothing.”
“Indeed, Mis 3 Hattie, don t you know >
—ah-don’t you know-now,, weallv, I
fattahed myself that I occupied youah
thoughts, Miss Hattie.’ . and
“So you do, Mr. Montmorenci,
the fair girl sat idly in the sun, m hile
Mr. Montmorenci went off to the horse
trough to cool his heated brow.— Mer
chant-Traveler.
A Moving: Tail.
“Here, boys,” called a man. “Come
here and catch this rat. Biggest rat you
ever saw ran under that pile of lumber.
Throw it over here. Now we 11 get
ki m *”
Three or four men went to work and
moved an enormous pile of lumber, but
did not find the rat.
“The owner of that lumber will be
mad,” said some one, addressing the
man who had called the boys.
“No, he won’t. I am the ownei.
“Why, you must indeed be an enemy
to rats, going to so much trouble to catch
one *
“I dm n t see any rat.
‘Then why did you let tlie boys tear
down your lumber?”
“Oh, you see I wanted it moved.
Arlansaw lraveler.
A Worthless Animal.
Farmer Diggins had a horse to sell, and
at the market he commenced to dilate on
the animal’s good qualities. him?”
“ How much will you give for
shouted Diggins.
“Forty dollars,” yelled a voice.
(< i Twon’t do,” said Diggins.
“Ten dollars,” shouted a wall-eyed
man.
* ‘ He’s worthless, ” cried another.
“Who said he was a worthless ani¬
mal?” howled Diggins. “’Twas you,
you lop-eared rail-chopper.”
“I didn’t say any such thing, . you
mule-backed lump said of clay.” replied worth the
man. “I only he was Jess
than forty dollars, and now blamed if 1
don’t think he is worthless.”
Diggins traded the horse for a side of
bacon before the close of the day. Carl
Pretzel's Weekly.
Cure for Infantile Bawling*.
Two Dallas iadies were overheard
talking over the fence as follows:
& 4 What is the matter with your baby?
I don’t hear it cry any more.”
“I have cured it of bawling.”
‘ ‘Do you give it soothing syrup with
opium in it?”
“No, I don’t give it any medicine at
all. I have adopted an entirely new
plan. “What is it?”
“When it begins to cry I smear the
tips of its little fingers with molasses,
and give it a few feathers to hold in
one hand. Its attention becomes aroused
and it picks off the feathers with the
other hand. The feathers stick to the
other hand, of course, and the little
darling picks them off again. The little
angel’s with mind the is feathers thus so completely ab¬
sorbed that . it forgets
to cry .”—Texas Siftings.
Marrying: a Chemist*
“I am determined my daughter shall
marry a chemist, and if I had it to do
over again I'd marry one myself.”
“Well, tbit's the last idea lever heard
of. What in the world put that notion
into your head, Mrs. Yumley?”
“Because a chemist can make a living |
easier than any other man, and if a body
has one of them in the house, there’s |
never any cause for worrying about j
what you'll have for dinner day after j
to-morrowf” “How do make that out?” |
you j
“Why, hero it is cold print, and in a
can converted In'to‘In artlclT ofd*iet
su erior beef, and delicate Idacuita,
fancv paatry. as well aa ordinary bread,
fi our> Excellent sugar can also bo made
from old gbirt8 ttnd rags.”
“There, now then; don’t vou see I’m
ri ^arpentershop ht? With a chemist in the family and
a in the neighborhood,
what more does a body want to be com
fortable and happy?” I believe I’d take
“Yes. to be sure; but
mv coffee clear, though.” — Chicago
Ledger.
Advice to a Would-be Dramatist.
“Now listen to me,” said Josephus to
p tarximander , “the first thing you want
to do when you start a melo-drama is to
fc up a high-toned polished villain,
You want to give him tine clothes and a
hig watch-chain, patent-leather boots, a
hnee-doUar-and-ninety-cent ir of kid glove8 an d a brand-new
silk hat.
Then he must have a face that a blind
man wouldn’t trust in a railroad tunnel
a f ter davk< j n melo dramas the villains
ahvavs dres8 well, but look like fiends,
‘ provide him with
Theu you want to a
victim. A beautiful girl, nursed in the
lap of luxury and fed on caramels, fresh
every hour. This beautiful gyurl ought
to be as rich as Henry Hilton and as proud
ag editor of a Kansas newspaper. Then
g h e mus fc have a poor but apparently dis
honpst lover, and a stuck-up old pa, who
doesn’t go much on the aforesaid lover.
The lover oug ht to be a horse-car in
S p CC tor or an elevator-boy—something
that will make him great intellectually
and v j ce vcrsa financially. His appar
en ^. dishonesty arises from the frequent
disappearance of lead pipe from the
building in which he works just about
the timo he goeg hom e. The villain,
w ho has an oltice in the same building,
gets on to this, and tells the gyurl’s
father that Robert, the young man, is
plotting to become a plumber and ruin
him. The old man naturally trembles
} n hig boots, and goes in with the vil
lain to put up a job on the young man.
The villain then steals a little lead pipe
himself, and going by night to the young
man’s room, on the East river shore at
WilliamsbuY]^— ftifffre’s a splendid moon¬
light view of the city for you—sews the
pipe up in the leg of the young man’s
dress trousers. Then with a detective
he lies in wait for the young man, and
the two pounce upon him just as he is
struggling to get his feet through the
leg of the trousers. The accusation is
made, and the young man, feeling the
lead in his trousers, says:
“‘Great Heavens! It is fate!’
“Then they led him away to his dun
^ eon on one j e g the next act we see
him on the island. The gyurl, under
p re t enC e 0 f visiting the insane patients,
comeg to see him, and there’s a chance
f or a big love scene, ending thus:
‘Jerusba, you do not—can not be
h eve me guilty of this foul crime?’
Robert, I love you, and I be¬
lieve you are guiltless.’ (Throws her¬
self upon his bosam.)
“Then they are torn apart by ruthless
minions of the law. That night Rob¬
ert escapes and goes to fight the mahdi
in the Soudan, Big scene of boats as¬
cending Nile cataracts—new sensation,
never done before—and chance for daisy
effects in the desert. Robert rescues
from the murderous fire of the Arabs a
Canadian naturalized bank cashier, who
confides to him the fact that he—the
cashier—was the partner of the polished
villain in the robbery of the bank in
New York where they both worked.
Robert buys his discharge and hastens
back to New York, arriving just villainy in time
to hurl the proof of the villain’s
into his face at the foot of the altar, and
prevent his mnrriage with finding the gyurl. that
The old man weakens, and,
Robert never stole any lead-pipe, and
never was likely to become a plumber, his
being only a corporal, gives him millions
blessing, the gyurl, and three
of trade ducats. How’s that for a melo
drama?”
“Josephus, I don’t think I’ll write a
melodrama as long as you live.”— Puck.
The Tjancet says that appetite is a most
misleading sensation, only remotely ielat
ed to the sictual demands of the organism, should
If we only ate more deliberately we
find half of our accustomed quantity of
food sufficient to satisfy the most eager
cravings of hunger, and hence save our
selves from the evils tendancy of dyspepsia, or ia- on
tho other hand a to ov«r
crease in weight.
Pictures, Mirrors,
Engravings,
Or. ticnmgo, hintrc
PHOtOgrapHS,
FRENGH-PUTEIIRR0B8,
BEAUTIFULLY FRAMED.
WINDOW CORNICES, TABLES, So.
TA8TEFUL AND HARMONIOUS
PICTURE FRAMES.
point. Tho most, careful ami skillful ItEHTOK
ATI ON OF PA1NT1NGH. of stamp.
UrCataloRue ou receipt
James S- Earle & Sons,
No. 816 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia.
ESTABLISHED 1831.__
VIBRATING TELEPHONE.
Gives splend did satisfaction. Noexor
bitant rental fee to pay—Sold Sold outright outright
and and {w guaranteed to work nicely on lines
within compass Constructed (s miles), or money and
refunded. Constructed on on new new anu
scientific principles; works months' entirely by
vibration. Two or three ren¬
tal fee to the Bell Telephone will buy
outright a complete private line. It is
the only PRACTICAL and RELI¬ made,
ABLE and warranted non-electric to give Telephone satisfaction, or
money refunded. AGENTS can
make' immense profits _ and get all tna
work they can do. No previous expe¬
rience required. Where I have no agents
Telephones may bfl ordered direct for prlvs rivate use. Circular!
free. H. T. JOHNSON, Buffalo, N. T.
108 S. Division St..
keliabie . . WANTED.- salesmen ..
mO JL celebrated introduce Cigars and sell of ths the trad* NEW YORK J'Jsll-knO'TO A HAVANA
CIGAR COMPANY, liberal arrangements. Sclaky
or Commission raid to the rigUt iusu. For further
particulars and terms address, Hg™. at once,
Th. N.w Y.rU a- mr
7
IF PAGES
LIQUID GLUE
Is mid used Mechanics by thousands thelr^bcst of find class work. 'Manufacturers Received C^ro^, Qyjr|i
on
ylue known. ^8end card of dcujier whotjkjo* ***** not ke(p ® |fiQ Q
Russia Cement Co.,Glonccster,Mass. 01
Docs Your Back Ache I
IF SO. APPLY a fMW
ness or soreness in any part, instant relief is felt
and the parts wonderfully strengthened. Con
tains virnies of Hops, Burgundy Pitch and Gums.
Used by multitudes. Never fails. Hop Plasters
R. U. AWARE
THAT
Lorillard’s Climax Plug
bearin g a red tin tag; Unit Lorillard’s
Rose Leaf fine cut; that Lorillard’s
Navy Clippings, and that Lorillard’s Hnulfs. are
the best and cheapest, quality considered 1
BOOK AGENTS WANTED for
PLATFORM ECHOES
or LIVING TRUTHS for Head and Heart. Row sell
JohnB. Gough
Ministers say • ‘ Godspeed it.” Every one laughs and cries over
it. Tern of thousands are waiting fur it, and Agents sell 10 to 20
a day. Rev. 840 pages. 227 splendid Engrsvingi. Introduction
by LYMAN ABBOTT, I». I>. 1(MH> more Agents
wanted on Verv Special Terms. Send for Circulars, etc,, to
A. D. WORTHINGTON Sc CO., Hartford, Conn.
MORPHINEoKUt?
EASILY CURED. BOOK F|IEK.
OR. J. C. HOFFMAN, Jefferson, Wisconsin.
p ATENTPL fU. andFormgn Patents procured.
Fifth ave„ (next Lea^r ’building)’ PitMburgh^Pu
FITE HUNDRED VIRGINIA FARMS FOR SALE.
lands. Mills, Storey, Houses, Lots, Mineral and Timber
J. F. WINGFIELD & KELSEY, In¬
surance and Real Estate A gen in, IJberty, Va
Profitable Employment
And light home work for Ladies, sent anywhere
by mall, bimple and strictlv bona-fide. No canvuss
ing zr- no stamps. Addrets WILSON & DA VI*,
ers,
frSf-EFOR It teache® the Mtitches. NOTHiMG Ribbon and Arraseen
Embroidery. Lustre and Kensington Painting*
T^PA KKB^’ L'ZntSt &y ~ ■
NOW
SIE.fi _ _ _ fill _ _ _
HEflPT
TFI I tuunurni FHR/IDliY
■ VALENTINE
PATCH (AtVini/'
WORK.
A Hi BB
% ^
9
—
c A ?“. w® srsaisidSr tftr*
Instruction Book on art of making
Fancy Paper Flowers and Tissue Papei
Work for home decorations
Tissues and Flower Materials sold.
tgs?& Hook and price list mailed, 10i ts.
f*£ t: "- ,4t "
taught and situations
FURNISHED- Circulars tree.
\Vm.
Elegant packages of Silks and Satins
sent for 26c, BASSETT,Rochester,N.Y. Embroidery Silks, 10c.
doz. A.G.
a month (salary or (vnumiMHion) iu
a+f'-ntM fiisfoui for THE UOHLII’S WON
Ai‘p(jB r Ii
, A co < 0 r ^ 1,1
’ ’ ’
Thirty Uoocnl. by PhyBii»an>.
TMn
I mm
mm
*-■*. » “...... FA'1,1s* ^ r ,.u‘;.. — • t
, ........... . ■ ■ ■■ ■ i-T-r. .. H ^
mfTJpa l/UlvJbS?
ALL
DISEASES
OF
TUB
KIDNEYS
LIVER
BLADDER
AND
URINARY
ORGANS
DROPSY
GRAVEL
DIABETES
BRIGHT’S
DISEASE
PAINS
IN
THE
BACK
LOINS
OR
SIDE
INBRVOUS
DISEASES
RETENTION
OR
NON-RETENTION
OF
« urine.
WEBSTER if JBU3 JL0 M JL JEsi Jkv 0
In Sheep, Russia and Turkey Binding!,
NEW
WonasridceM foiOTJONARxEipPLEUEHTi £ %™ n
Get the Standard.
\JTJEi Wim JL Webstar—it hap 118,000 Wordt».
8000 Engravings, and a Near
fllfTTI Standard Jhiogrnphlcal Dictioii&ry« Printing
JL JCXXii in Gov’t Office.
38,000 copies in Public Schools.
Sale 20 to 1 of any other series.
JjJCf&JL XiXJCIITr* aid Beat 10 nmko help a Yamlly for SCHOLARS, intelligent.
TEACHERS and SCHOOLS.
A5>*The vocabulary contains 3000 more word*
than are found in any other American Dictionary.
The Unabridged is now supplied, at a small ad¬
ditional cost, urtth DRNMON’S
_ has been made in a hundred years."
G. & C. MERRiAM A CO.. Pnh'rs. Snrinefield. \ss.
PN U
STu!
distinction One special feature of Its Ridge’s neutral Food, action in contr* tho
to others, is upon
bowels. For this reason, bowel it Is troubles specially adapted fro- to
those seasons when the are so
quent Remember Ridges Fowl is an old and trUst
preparation, having been In use for thirty years la
England and America. It Is a perfectly safe and
nourishing diet for all conditions.
11 combined. Pami-hlet free with positive phoo».
Americ an Galvanic Co .. 1103 Chestnut St-, Phd.a . , Pa.
THORSTOl’S PEmTOOTH POWDER
Keeping Teeth Perfect and Gums Healthy*
ALL IMPERFECTIONS Superfluous
TSarjf of the Face, Hands & Feet,
Hair, Moles, Warts. Freckles, Moth, Red
gap lk’i&l 9 Nose, Acne, Bl’k Heads, Scars, Pitting
jgj and treatment. I)r.John Woodbury* Y*
/ ^^Established N. I earl St., Albany, N.
1870. Send 10c. for book.
$75 our and mo A. ■ utlilv. gi-od*. e xpen»Trp!irnm^wtiv^j«rfu^^ell MONTH Expense, No capital Standard in required. advance. Salary Full Silver par- paid
ticuiar* FREE. We mean wh*t we say.
Ware Co.. Washington St.. Boston Mass*
Blair’s Pil’s Great English Gout ami
i Rheumatic Remedy.
Oval Box, 81.00; round, 60 cto. __
| Snre relltf i n ipmt UiHll. |
KIDDER'S PASTILLES. PriceD6cf* 1
by mail. S to well .i Co,
Lbariestuwn, Mass.
PATENTS IIIVPUTA
By tho use of this
REMEDY, tho Stom¬
ach and Bowels;
speedily regain their:
s tr ongth, and ths
blood is purified. -
It is pronounced by
hundreds of tho best
doctors, to bo tho ON¬
LY CURE for all
kinds of Kidney Dis¬
eases.
It is purely vege¬
table. and cures when
other medioines fail.
It Is prepared ex¬
pressly for these dis¬
eases, and has never
been known to fail.
Ono trial will oon
vinoo you. For sale
by all druggists.
PRICE $1.85.
L Bend for
\ Pamphlet
of Testi
kwibriPv SsJ monials.
/ W iii;nt»8 '
REMEDY
! co., I
adfeS Providence,
R. I.
Morphine Hnbit Cured In 10
to ‘JO days. No pay till eared*
Dir .!. Htkphbvs. I.ebanon. OliiOt
"BTUNr.i> for inventor*. Clre