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4A Clje 1) eralb <©a?ette Tuesday, July 25,2023
Opinions
Kudzu & Clay: Dirtopia
Last year I became
mildly fascinated by the
vast array of products
many of my friends and
family members were
selling via social media.
Don’t get me wrong. 1
completely understand
that 1 spend half of my
time hawking my wares.
It is what it is. As some
one once put it to me,
“We all gotta get down
on that grindstone.” And
when 1 say “friends” 1
don’t necessarily mean
people 1 know. 1 used
to have a bad habit of
“friending” anyone and
everyone just to be
creepy and peer into
their life. We all need
perspective, and social
media gives a hell of a lot
of that.
One of the more
fascinating multi-level
marketing schemes 1
came across was some
one selling pearls. This
person would start a
video stream and open
oysters in front of an au
dience of people that had
prepaid for them. She
would pull these oysters
out of a bag, shuck them
open, and maybe you’d
get lucky and get a big
pearl, or fancy colored
one, or maybe you’d get
a normal one, either way,
you always got a pearl.
Then the girl would try
really hard to sell you a
necklace or ring setting
to put the pearl in. 1 do
not know if they were
real pearls or real oys
ters. I went as far as ask
ing, but I was promptly
booted out of the stream.
Oh well, it was fun while
it lasted.
Another interesting
rabbit hole I went down
was with a group of folks
trying to sell off what
looked to be used leg
gings at deep discounts.
They would get on a vid
eo stream and you could
pay to get a number put
into a plastic Easter egg
and if your num
ber came up you
would win some
XXXL leggings.
1 was promptly
kicked off of this
stream when 1
started asking for
more details about
their whereabouts
because it looked like
they were broadcasting
from a nuclear bunker or
a cult’s breakroom.
Obviously these things
are scams, but at the
same time, people are
falling for it so someone
is making money some
where. It made me think
of that old saying “selling
ice cream to an Eskimo.”
1 know it’s not politi
cally correct but you get
where I’m going. Heck,
I’m not even innocent
in this scheme, we buy
gallons of “crystal clear
spring water” every week
that 1 am convinced
comes right out of the
tap. How could 1 get in on
this action?
The answer
came to me one
day when we had
a pile of fill dirt
delivered to our
house so we could
fix an area of ero
sion in our yard. A
man pulls up in a
flatbed truck and dumps
all this stuff out and 1 re
alized 1 had just bought a
metric ton of Georgia Red
Clay. The same stuff that
my entire yard is made
out of. I realize I was
paying for the fact that 1
didn’t have to dig it out
of my yard and remove
all the cans and batteries
myself, but it got me to
thinking. It’s basically the
same as buying water 1
already had in the tap.
1 started to work
on my own multi-level
marketing scheme where
1 would just sell dirt. 1
called it... Dirtopia. 1 got
to work creating some
convincing-looking ads
from stock photos and
put up bags of dirt for
sale on my website for
$100 a pound. 1 put some
clever words like “small
batch”, and “artisan” on
pictures of dirt, to see
where it went. I went
on a wild posting spree
across my social me
dia accounts thanking
people for purchasing
from me (even though
they didn’t exist) and
trying to recruit resell
ers. I even came up with
a homeopathic version
of my dirt, because if you
didn’t know it, homeo
pathic medicine is about
as snake oil as it comes.
1 was honestly doing
this for fun. 1 figured
people would understand
that it was just a joke
but, as 1 stated, a lot of
people that follow me
do not actually know me
at all. 1 kept it going for
about two months and,
1 won’t out anybody, but
1 was actually contacted
a dozen or so times by
folks interested in being
official Dirtopia regional
sales reps and managers.
Once the COV1D lock-
downs started happen
ing 1 dissolved Dirtopia
because 1 didn’t want
to be in any position of
giving people false hope.
But 1 will tell you that
some of the people that
contacted me were even
from the great state of
Georgia, which 1 believe
goes as far as to prove
that old saying true. 1
don’t know if you can
actually sell ice cream to
an Eskimo, but it is pos
sible to sell red clay to a
Georgian. I’m not knock
ing it. “We all gotta get on
that grindstone.”
Chris Walter is a writer, artist,
and Barnesville native. He has just
published his first book, “Southern
Glitter”. You can find more informa
tion about his art and writings at
kudzuandclay.com.
Lonely turnip in
a petunia patch?
KAY S. PEDROTTI
kayspedrotti@gmail.com
For the last several
weeks, arthritis has crept
slowly
into my
hand
joints,
wrists,
back,
knees
and
shoulders. Believe me, it
is a beast to watch your
self deteriorate slowly
and painfully.
But somehow, my
friends, 1 have a ten
dency to find “funny
parts” of most unwanted
situations that pop up.
This is no exception -
however, 1 had help this
time. Had to visit my
local doctor for a blood
draw last Tuesday, and
one of my favorite folks
there was my “Dracula.”
We bandied conversation
about which arm, little
veins, how many “sticks”
it took, etc.
At one point, my
friendly neighborhood
registered medical as
sistant could not get
anything out of the right
arm, and looked skepti
cally at the left’s also-tiny
veins. Then she said,
“Well, you must be just
a little ol’ turnip,” mean
ing the ancient saw, “You
can’t get blood out of a
turnip.” 1 replied, “What?
I’m a lonely turnip in a
petunia patch?” By this
time we’re both laugh
ing, seeing as how the
onion field was what
captured the petunia in
the old ditty. 1 did give up
enough blood for the lab
testing.
This lovely person
takes her job so seri
ously that she can make
you believe it doesn’t
hurt, no matter what
the procedure. 1 don’t
want to give her name,
lest other folks in that
office think 1 don’t like
them - far from it. 1 am
very well- pleased with
the thriving medical
help locations we have
in Barnesville - may we
always be grateful, not
spiteful.
Next she said, “You
crack me up - you’re
a funny person.” Then
she talks about her
almost-three-year-old’s
typical expressions and
attitudes, and we’re
laughing again. It’s been
said that “laughter is
the best medicine,” and
1 believe that strongly,
as do the staff members
in the office. 1 think 1
have found another
bunch of good friends,
who may also entertain
my wacky sense of hu
mor themselves. 1 know
my “Dracula” has the
laugh-bug, for sure, and
has a really good heart.
It’s amazing to me,
truly, how many “good
people” live in and
around Barnesville and
Lamar County. This is
a place where people
look after each other;
if anyone is in need, or
gets hurt or hospital
ized, there are people
who will do something
to help them. Of course,
others ignore the situ
ation. That’s not what
Jesus said: first love
God with all your be
ing, and then love your
neighbor “as yourself.”
To me, that applies to
everybody, since we’re
all on this big float
ing rock together. So,
thanks for taking care
of me; by now you know
who 1 am talking about,
eh, Pilgrim?
Kay S. Pedrotti has spent some 50
years writing for newspapers. She
is a past president of Lamar Arts
Inc. and now serves on the board of
directors. She lives in Milner with
her husband Bob Pedrotti.
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Send letters to P.O. Box 220, Barnesville, 30204,
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LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Historical marker will be replaced
How many have no
ticed we have a broken
historical marker in front
of the county court
house? A marker the
citizens of Lamar County
should be proud of has
been on the ground for
over two years. Have you
questioned why no one
has repaired it? What do
visitors to our town think
when they see that our
county doesn’t seem to
acknowledge the broken
marker?
1 recently asked one of
our commissioners why
no one had repaired the
marker and was told “The
board does not consider
the marker repair a prior
ity”.
Maybe it’s not a prior
ity like finances, the bud
get, the gym, the animal
shelter, roads, etc. but
it does say a great deal
about the pride we have
in our community and the
pride we should have for
the 26 historical mark
ers and plaques in the
county. Additionally, the
Georgia Historical Marker
Program department
handles these requests
and repairs for the mark
ers within our state.
Not satisfied with the
commissioner’s answer, 1
went online to GA Histori
cal Markers and Plaques
website and found that in
dividuals are encouraged
to report problems with
these markers. It took all
of 10 minutes to do the
research and fill out the
form. 1 did this on Friday,
July 7 and received an
answer back on Tuesday,
July 10.
1 was not satisfied
with the same old line of
“it’s not priority”, so we
will be getting a replace
ment for this marker. It
may take up to one year
because it will be recast
and it “will” be replaced.
The GHSC coordinator
has been in touch with
our county officials to
let them know. For those
citizens who take pride
in our community’s his
tory, we will see a small
improvement.
So the challenge for
the citizens... look and
see issues that should be
resolved. Report them to
the proper authorities. Go
the the county commis
sioners and city council
meetings and ask when
and how the problems
will be handled. Let’s do
more as individuals to
show that we care and
are proud of our com
munity.
Take time to LOOK
AND REALLY SEE!
DIANNE PERRY
Basso attends TOTY conference
Primary school and system-wide Teacher of the Year, Kim Basso attended the Georgia
Teacher of the Year Conference and Gala June 9-10 on Jekyll Island. “It was an experience of a
lifetime to meet and collaborate with teachers throughout Georgia,” said Basso. She is pictured
with Richard Woods, Georgia’s Superintendent of Schools.
LAMAR
FLASHBACK
July 23-29
10 years ago
The Herald Gazette
office was the target of
an anthrax scare when a
letter to the editor was
opened that was full of
white powder. The result
was a huge law enforce
ment response which
included Barnesville
police, Lamar deputies,
postal inspectors and
agents from the FBI and
GB1. A hazmat team from
the Macon-Bibb County
Fire Department also was
on hand. The powder
turned out to be harm
less.
25 years ago
Two men armed with
knives robbed the Milner
Post Office. Rural car
rier Danny Wilson was
at work early, heard a
knock at the back door
and, thinking it was a
co-worker, opened it.
He came face-to-face
with the thieves instead.
Postmistress Linda Chas
tain came in and was
also overpowered. Both
were robbed of cash and
credit cards but other
wise unharmed.
50 years ago
Steve Timothy Archer,
12, of Route 1, Milner
was injured when the bi
cycle he was riding was
struck by a car on South
6th Street Extension. He
was treated at the Griffin
emergency room.
120 years ago
Friday night about
9 o’clock a small barn
at the home of Mr. P.
F. Matthews was dis
covered on fire and
in a very short time
it was burned down,
with about 200 bushels
of corn. The people
sympathize with Mr.
Matthews in the mis
fortunes which have
befallen him. He has
suffered heavy losses
by fire. It is thought
some boys smoking
started the fire.
Zi)t Heraltr <&a?ette
barnesville.com
770.358.NEWS
P.0. Box 220
Publisher
Staff
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