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LITTLE QUESTIONS
If a Jew is born in July, what is
he?
He is a Ju-liar.
—o —
How is the best way to make a
dollar go a long way
Put in in an envelope and send it
to China.
**—-O
Why is a horse like a stick of can
dy?
The more you lick it, the faster it
goes.
W’hy is a bumble-bee like a coun
terfeit dollar?
Because it is a humbug.
—o —
Why is it they coudn’t play cards
on the ark?
Because Noah stood on the deck.
What is the best cure for a man
tha’t in love?
Get married; if that does not cure
him, nothing will.
—o
Won’t you sit down?
No, I just had my pants pressed.
—o —
Ah! he who lives in a glass house
should not take a bath.
—o—
Rastus: “Nigger, let me tell you
dis, ef you don’t lay off my gal, I’se
gwine hit you so hard it will take
two dollars to send you a postal
card.’’
Jack Spratt could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean.
You see they spent their money
For the flivver’s gasoline.
o
The hobo had asked the hard-faced
woman for something to eat. “Yes,"
she replied, “I’ll fix you some supper
if you’ll saw and split some wood,
sweep off the walk, fix that hole in
the fence, tidy up the yard and burn
that rubbish piled up at the cellar
door.”
“Lady,” said the hobo, as he start
ed away, “I’m only a hobo; I ain’t
your husband."
o
Mary had a little shirt,
The latest style, no doubt;
But every time she got inside,
She was more than half way out.
o
Hass—“Hello, is this the weather
bureau?”
“Yes.”
Hass—“How about a shower bath
this afternoon?"
“If you need one take it.”
Minister: “My dear boy, what
would your father say about your
going fishing on Sundays?”
Young Issac Walton: “Well, the
last time he said, ‘Where the ’ells
your fish?”
o
Well, young man, so you want to
be my son-in-law?”
“Not in the least, but marrying
your daughter ns I intended to do,
I can't see how it can be avoided.”
o
An onion breuth makes a fine
chaperon.
o
“I hear that your next door neigh
bors have got anew organ. Do you
Come “bo j
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Excursion I
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know how many stops it has?’’
“About three a day, and those are
for meals.’’
o—
The minister who made the fol
lowing announcements seems to have
been prepared for untold results from
his preaching:
‘‘There are some flowers here, he
said, for those who are sick at the
close of the service.”
o
Willie—“ Papa, am I descended
from the monkey tribe?”
Papa—“l don’t know, Willie, 1
never knew any of your mother’s
folks.”
o
The discharged soldier hastened
gladly home to see his wife. He
found her polishing the kitchen
stove, and slipped up quietly and put
his arms around her.
“Two quarts of milk and a pint of
cream,” she said without looking up.
Haslam (in restaurant) —“Hey,
papa, there’s a fly in my soup.”
Papa—“ Cat’s all right, Ikey, eat
the soup until you come to the fly
and then tell the waiter to bring you
another plate.”
o
Artist—“With one stroke of the
brush I change a smiling child to a
weeping one.’’
Friend (dryly)—“l can do the
same thing with a broom stick.”
• o
“THE NUTTY COLUMN”
Just after the choir had sung its
anthem the minister announced his
text, “Now when the uproar had
ceased.” The singers bided their
time patiently, and when the sermon
was over rose and rendered in the
most melodious fashion another an
them beginning: “Now it is high
time to awaken after sleep.”
o
ONE DRAWBACK
‘‘ls your husband a good provider,
Dinah?”
“Yessum, he’s a good providah all
right, but I’se alius skeered dat nig
gah’s gwine ter git caught at it.”
SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING
(Doctor, about to write out a birth
certificate).
“Let me see, this is the 27th, is it
not?”
Indignant MdPfler—“Not at all, it’s
only the 9th.”
______ o -
SOME FARM!
Down in Georgia they have some of
the largest farms I ever saw. There
is one farm down there that is so
large you can start out from the
house Monday morning to go around
it and you don’t get back until Sat
urday night. The farm is so large
that newly married couples start out
to the barn to milk the cow and their
children bring the milk home.
o
NAMES FAMILIAR.
One day last week our friend Haw
kins was trying to attract the atten
tion of Louise King. Not being able
to do so, he yelled out, “Oh, Mrs.
Paul,” and three girls jumped up and
answered back, “What?”
mutual help.
“Say,” quoth the farmer, “I wish
you’d train my son to be a lawyer in
your office. There’s nothing in
farming.’’
“I’ll do it, assented the lawyer,
provided you’ll take my son on your
farm. There’s nothing in law.”
_o
Getting married is like eating
mushrooms —you never know wheth
er you have picked the wrong kind
until it’s too late.
—i—o
Aunt Jane —“Well, Bobbie, dear,
did you see Santa Claus last Christ
mas?”
Bobbie —“No, Auntie; it was too
dark to see him, but I heard what he
said when he knocked his toe against
the bed post.”
Doctor—“ You cough with great
ease this morning.”
Patient—“l ought to. I have been
practicing all night.’’
o
The bluebird may bring happiness,
but the stork has it on him in one
way—his visit brings a 200.00 dollar
income tax exemption.
o
When kissing he often misplaced
them
On shoulders or neck he would waste
them,
Until Betty sighed,
And hungrily cried,
“Please put them, dear, where I can
taste them.”
o
The English language is called the
“Mother’s Language” because father
seldom gets a chance t ouse it.
o
Mistress —“I saw the milkman kiss
you this morning, Jane. I’ll take
the milk in myself after this.”
Jane —“It won’t do you no good,
mum. He promised not to kiss no
body but me.”
ABE MARTIN SAYS
“The present day girls may not
be ole maids at 18, but they’ll cer
tainly be shop worn.”
■ o
OLD MELODIES MODERNIZED
My Bonnie bent over the gas tank,
The height of the contents to see,
He lighted a match to assist him,
O’ bring back my Bonnie to me.
o
EXPENSIVE BUSINESS
A red headed boy applied for a job
in a butcher shop.
“How much will you give me?”
“Three dollars a week. But what
can you do to make yourself useful
around the butcher shop?”
“Anything.”
“Well, be specific. Can you dress
a chicken?’’
“Not on three dollars a week,”
said the boy.
o
He —“I asked her if I could see
her home.”
“And what did she say?”
He—‘‘She said she’d send me a
photo of it.”
o>—.
Kissing the girl just because you
think she wants you to is just like
scratching yourself where it doesn’t
itch.
He —“Do you believe that a woman
should hold the reins?”
Him —“Surely; and the wheel too
if she likes that kind of a party.”
o
He —“Did you ever see anything
sadder?’’
Him—“ Than what?”
He—“A Jew with his hands tied.”
o
Book Agent: “Is your mother
here, little one?”
Little Sister (coldly): “No, big
one, she ain’t.”
“I sent you a kiss over the tele
phone,” he said when he met her.
“I hope you understood it.”
‘‘Oh, yes,” she replied. “I under
stood all right enough, but a kiss
over the telephone is like a straw hat
to me.”
“A straw hat,” he exclaimed.
"How?”
“Why,” she coldly answered, ‘‘it
isn’t felt.”
o
HOW SHE DOTH
How doth the gentle laundress
Search out our weakest joints,
And always scrapes the button off
At these stragetic points?
o
Asa rule a man’s a fool,
When it’s hot he wants it cool,
When it’s cool he wants it hot,
Always wanting what it’s not
o
“Does your cook try to make food
go as far as possible?”
“Yes, some of it goes all the way
from our house to hers.”
—Crimson and White.
JUNE SHERIFF SALES
GEORGIA —Lamar County.
Will be sold at the City Hall, the
place where public sales are held, in
the City of Barnesville, on the first
Tuesday in June, 1922, between the
hours of 10 o’clock A. M and 4
o’clock P. M., to the highest bidder
for cash, the following property, to
wit:
One Black Horse Mule, named
Rock, about 8 years old and One
Cream Colored Jersey Milk Cow,
about 5 years old, dehorned. Said
property levied on and to bo sold to
satisfy a mortgage fi fa issued from
the City Court of Barnesville in fa
vor of the Barnesville Bank for the
use of O. W. Butler against Mrs. An
nie Driskell and J. T. Driskell.
This, May 9, 1922.
Z. T. ELLIOTT, Sheriff,
Lamar County, Ga.
GEORGIA—Lamar County.
Will be sold at the City Hall, the
place where public sales are held, in
the City of Barnesville, on the first
Tuesday in June, 1922, between the
hours of 10 o’clock A. M. and 4
o’clock P. M., to the highest bidder
for cash, the following property, to
wit:
One Black Mare Mule with white
nose, 8 years old; one black mare
mule 6 years old; one black mare
mule 11 years old. Said property
found in possession of Joe Pate and
levied on and to be sold to satisfy a
fi fa issued from the Superior Court
of said county in favor of J. J.
Wright, administrator of estate of
Lena Wright, deceased, against S. M.
Zeigler and J. J. Wright, and Joe
Pate, security on appeal bond.
This, May 9, 1922.
Z. T. ELLIOTT, Sheriff,
Lamar County, Ga.
ACTIVE IN GOOD WORK
Hon. and Mrs. H. M. Frankiln of
Tennille, both well known with hun
dreds of good friends in Barnesville
and vicinity, are very active in the
work being done in and around Ten
nille, work very similar in character
and purpose to that in which Barnes
ville and Lamar county are now en
gaged for advancing the interests of
the people.
The last issue of the Farmer and
Stockman of Jacksonville, Fla., con
tained pictures of Mr. Franklin, Gov
ernor Hardwick and others, and Mr.
and Mrs. Franklin and their home on
the occasion of the big Swine Grow
ers convention which was held in
Tennille recently, with an interesting
article about the big event and the
entertainment given by Mr. and Mrs.
Franklin to Governor Hardwick and
other guests.
GORDON AND A. & M.
BASEBALL GAMES
Gordon and the A. & M. Teams
will stage two fine games of baseball
Monday and Tuesday afternoons
next week, during the A. & M. com
mencement. The games will begin at
3 o’clock and it is hoped good crowds
will witness both games. The A. &
M. team is probably the best the
school has ever had and every body
knows that Gordon’s team is one of
the best in Georgia.
There will be an admission of 35
cents.
o
Piles Cured In 6 to 14 Days
Druggists refund money if PAZO OINTMENT faik
to cure I telling. Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles.
Instantly relieves Itching Piles, and you cun get
restful sfeeD after the fi.st application. Price 60c.
PIKE CHILDREN ORGANIZE
The schools of Meansville and Zeb
ulon have organized classes for study
of hog raising, each member agreeing
to raise at least one pig, the enroll
ment at Meansville being five and at
Zebulon twenty-two.
Substantial prizes will be offered
as well as a hog show' at Zebulon
during the Fall, to which adults as
well as the boys will show the results
of interests begun with the appear
ance of the weevil.
Quite a large number of pigs and
hogs will be bought to supply these
pig projects which include Durocs.
Polands, Berkshire and Spotted Po
lands. E. P. DREXEL.
o
Colds Cause Grip and Influenza
LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE Tablet* remove
the cauee There is only one "Bromo Quinine."
LW. GROVE'S signature on bos. 30c.
O
For children a swing has been in
vented that exercises their arms and
legs systematically as they are oper
ating it.
M A M ■
ill cigarettes
Buy this Cigarette and Save Money
Gordon Institute
Founded 1852
Bartlesville, Georgia
Recognized by Authorities As One
of The Leading Prepartory
Schools of The South
The high curriculium en
ables graduates to enter the
Sophomore Class of the lead
ing Colleges and Universities
of the United States.
The Military Training is a
feature worth your considera
tion when looking for a school.
For the past three or four
years Gordon has put out win
ning teams in every form of
athletics known in the South.
It is located 900 feet above
sea level, in an ideal climate,
where the air and water are
absolutely pure. It is non-sec
tarian but decidedly Christian.
Dormitories and buildings
modern, well lighted,well ven
tilated and thoroughly equip
ped.
For catalogue address
E. T. Holmes, President