Newspaper Page Text
VOL. V.
■at
Advertising Rate*.
One sqilare. first insertion ......$
Esoh subsequent insertion fio
One sqiare three months 5 no
One square 9ix months 10*0(1
One square twelve months IS 00
Quarter column twelve li.unths... 30 00
It ilf column sis mouths 40 Of*
If *I f column twelve fuOiiths 60 00
One column twelve r.or/.hs 100 00
air* Pen lines or less conoidmcd n square.
All fractious of squares are counted as full
squares,
N-S-WSPiPTCB DRCIPTONS.
1. Aey person who takes a pnjv>r regn
laGv frwm tbw pw*f office—whether directed
U his same or tnother’s, or. whether he has
suWribed or not —is responsible for the
payment.
2. If a person or lets his paper diseontin
ued, he must pay all arrearages, or the pub
lisher may continue to send It until payment
is rande. and collect the whole amount,
whether the paper Is taken from the office or
Jut.
I. The courts have decided that refusing
to take newspapers and periodicals from the
postoffiee, or removtns and leaving them un
called for, is prima facie evidence of inten
tional fraud.
TOWN DIRECTORY.
Mayor —Thomas (». Barnett.
Oommtssiovkrs —P B. Bivins, E; R.
J*mes, G. P. Bivins, \V. B. Pierce.
Of, irk— O, P. Bivins.
Tsbascrsr —W. S. Shell.
Marshal—S. A- Beldinp, Marshal.
JUDICIARY.
A. M. Apprr, - - Judge.
V. D. UisMi KB, r- - Solicitor General.
BiiU*—Second Mondays In March and
Seotuwber
Meury—Second Mondays In January and
Jalv.
M ooroe—Fourth Mondays in Febrnary.
and August.
Nuwtoa—Third Mondays in March nnd
Mnptember.
Pike—First Moudays in April and Octi
buv.
••ekdale—Third Mondays in February and
uud An? «st.
Spalding—First Mondays in Febrnary
and August.
Upson—First Mondays in ,May and No
venaber.
CHURCH DIRECTORY.
Mutuoihst Episcopal Ghcroh, (Sonlh.l
Bev. Wesley F. Smith, Pastor Fourth
Sabbath i» each month. Sunday-school 3
p. n. Prayer meeting Wednesday evening.
Mm»ho»ist Protbstart Onuarn. First
Sabbath in eaeh sioath. Sunday-school 8
A. K.
UatisTii* Ohcsch, W. 8. Fears, Pastor.
Second Sabbath in each month.
• APTtay (Ihwroh, Rev. J. P. Lvon, Pus
tor. Third Sabbath in each month.
CIYIC SOCIETIES ?.
Fix* Grovx Looor, No. 177. F. A. M
Btat»4 communications, fourth Saturdays in
each muntb.
DOCTORS
DR. J. 0 TURNIFSEKD will attend to
all oalls day or night. Office -t resi
drace, Hampton, Ga.
»R. W. II PEEBLES treats all dis
eases, and will attend to all calls day
mud night. Office at the Drug Store,
Broad Btreet, Hampton, Ga.
TVR. N. T. BARNETT tenders his profes
■u/ sioaal services to the citizens of Henry
aid adjoining Counties, and will answer calls
day or night. Treats a'l diseases, of what
ever nature. Office at Nipper’s Drug Store.
Hampton, Ga. Night calls can he made at
wy residence, opposite Berea chnrcb. apr‘26
JF PONDETI, Dentist, has located in
« Hampton. Ga.,ar,d invites the public to
call at his room, upstairs in the Bivins
House, where he will he found at all hours.
Warrants all work for twelve months.
LAWYERS.
CVf. RODNF.TT, Attorney and Oonn
• sellor at Law, Jonesboro, Ga. Prompt
attention given to all business.
G.EORGR P BIVINS. Attorney at Law.
Will practice in the State and Federal
Courts. Collection* promptly attended to.
Office up stairs in the Mclntosh building,
Hampton, Ga. marlStf
r I! C. NOT/AN Attorney at Law. Mc
-*-• Dnaeagi, Georgia: Will practice in
the counties eojoposing the Flint Circuit ;
the Supreme Court erf Georgia, and tbo
.Uuited States District Court.
WM. T. DIOKEV, Attorney at Law, I/*
c«st Qrnva, Ga. Will practice in the
counties oompasinf the Flint Judicial Cir
cuit. the Supreme Conrt of Georgia, and the
Uaiied States District Coart. apr27-ly
£IEO. M. NOLAN, Awornky at Law.
vf McDowough.Gt (Office in Court house )
Wifi practieu ia Henry and adjoining coun
ties, and ia the Supreme and District Courts
•f Georgia. Prompt attrition given to col
luctieu*. meb23-6m
JF. WALL, Attorney at Law, /lamp*
too. Va Will practice in the counties
comaaeias the Flint Jud'mial Circuit, and
tbc Supreme aad District Courts of Georgia.
Prompt sttaotian fivea to collections, oefi
1*D WARD J. REAGAN, Attorney nt
J law. Office up stairs in the Mclntosh
baildmg, Hamptac.Ga. Special attention
fteae tr msmaoseGo; tad othar eoilootioos.
—5BW*P l >S , «5*Ka ,,,, eS5
Blank receipt bo-iks, drafts, Ac., for sale
at Tns Wzskly office.
/hHaun far Tap Wwnij.
fat*'
Wny df>st Thou wear thy mother’s nam’’,
Her tfiok of cpeecb, her lovely eyes,
And set the sorrow all aflame
'I bat emou'deriog deep in ashes lies ?
We think that grief for aye is gone
When time lias dried our daily tears,
And anguish made its last faint mouD,
Choked wiih the du»t of frequent years.
With shrouded heart and smiling face,
Idly we tread the ways of men ;
We hide our dead in some still place,
And think they never rise again.
Oh I futile oourage of despair 1
Poor subterfuge of hearts that break I
Wbnl death cun stop the pulse of care?
What memory sleep, and never wake ?
Ambushed on eTiry mortal path,
Veiled by the very wreaths ol joy,
Lies eager faith’s rclentles-* wrath,
And waits its moment to destroy.
A st-p—nnd al! cur dream is fled ;
The looks, the tones we knew of yore,
The silent faces of the dead,
Turned sadly to that other shore.
The unresponding cruel lips,
The fr< z ,- n lids, the pallid cheek,
An instant flash from death’s eclipse,
The clear eyes shine, the ted lips speak.
And where one burning fear of woo
On the new grave in si ence felj,
A thousand drops fall hot nnd 6low,
The longer agony to tell.
For joy is hut the dreamer’s part,
That taunts the soul and mocks the eye ;
Bat sorrow clings nnd cleaves tho heart,
Till hemt and grief tig-ther die.
Rose Terry Cooke.
llow Ho Got His Supper.
A man from Lebanon who had been io
tlu 1 city for several days having u little lun
dropped into a Chefry street restaurant last
night ft< get]his suppeT. He dead broke,
the whiskey had died, out of him, and the
proprietor of the ha«h,ery would neither
credit him for a supper n«.r a drink, b tb o?
which he stood greatly io need Finding
his appeals were of no avail, he sat do vn to
n fleet. An inebriated Nashville man came
in directly and ordered an elaborate supper
While tbc meal was being preparvd the
Nashville man folded hia arms on the table,
gently placed his head on his arms, and was
soon eouud asleep. Ilis snoring scon at
tracted the attention ol the Lebanon man,
and he peered cautiously around. The pro
prietor was looking the other way. At that
moment the waiter appeared with the Nash
ville man’s supper, placed it before him
on the table and retired to the rear. The
Nashville man continued to snore The
Lebanon man saw his opportunity, lie
arose, moved around *o the Nashville man’s
table and proceeded to devour the viands
spread out before him. The Nashville msn
slept od. When he had finished, the Leba
non man moved back to his former scat.
As be did so he caught the proprietor’s eye
who had been a silent spectator of the scene
The J/dmnon man winked his left eye and
Then his right. The proprietor winked bo'h of
hiseyes. The Nashville man awoke with n
sßort and looked ahoot him. The supper
he bad ordered was gone. Nothing but the
bare dishes and a little pile of fish bones re
mained.
He remarked : *■ Well, I’ll bed—d 1 I guess
I ate the popper, but I have no recollection
of it. Ofcour.se 1 ate it ; if I didn’t eat it.
who did ? Nobody. But it’s the first time 1
ever ate anything and didn’t feel the effects
of it.’’ With this he arose ssaid the bill—
s|. — and passed out. The Lebanon min
iorked at tbc pi«prietor and winked. The
proprietor looked at the Lebanon man
and wiDked.
The L-banon man sa'd : “How’s that ?”
The proprietor said : “Cheeky.”
Then both wiuked again aud the Leba
non man went out w ping his mouth oq his
coat-tail — Nashville Rarmer.
Thk engineer of a train near Montreal saw
a large dog ori the traek. He was barking
furiously. 'I be engineer blew tbe whistle at
hits, but he did not stir, and. crouching low.
he was struck by the locomotive and killed
There was a bit of white muslin on tbe loco
motive, and it attrnc'ed the attention of the
engineer, wfco stopped bis train and weot
buck. There lay the dead d‘*g and a dead
child, which bad wandered upon tbe track
aud had gone to sleep. The dog had given
his signal to Btop the train, and had died at
his post.
Thk plump nice-looking spring chickens
that ate allowed to roam about the lawns iu
tbe vicinity of seaside boteU are merely
walking advertisements. They are not in
tended for table use.
HAMPTON, GA., FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1880.
Jini Smiley’S Frog.
fie cotchcd a frog one day and took hin
home, and said he calklwteA tonducate him
and so be never done wilting for tbre r
mouths but sit in his backyard and learn,
tho frog how to jump. And jpu bet be did
learn him, too. He'd give him y little pauch
behind, and the next minute yWd sea the
frog whirling in the air like a ioughnut—
see him turn a summerset, aud maybe a
couple, if be got a good start, sod come
down flat-footed all right, like seat, lie
got him so in the muter of flit.a.
and kept him ia practice so eonakuit, that
he’d nail a fly every time as far bb pc could
him.
Smiley said that all the frog wanted was
education, and he could do almost noytaiag
and 1 believe him. Why, I’ve seen hire set
Daniel Webster down h> re on the floor—
Daniel Webster was the name of the frntr—
and sing oat: 1 Flies, Dan'l, flies,” »od
qaickVrn you could wiak he'd spring up aid
shake a fly ofl'n the counter there and flop
down on the floor again ns solid as n gob ol
mud, and fall to scratching the side of his
bead with his hind foot as indifferent as if
he hadn’t no idee he’d done uny naor’n any
frog might do. You never seed a frog so
modest and straightforward as he was, for all
he was so gifted. And when it came to
square jumping on a dead level, he could get
ever more ground at one straddle than any
animal of his breed yon ever SO'd- Jumping
on a dead level was his strong suit, yon na
dcr.-tacd, and when it came to that Smiley
would ante up money on him as long as be
bad a red. Smiley was monstrous p'oad of
his fiog.ar.d well he might be, for fellers
that bad traveled and bin everywhere all
said he laid over every frog that they seed
Well, Smiley kept the beast in a little
la'tice box, and he used to fetch it dowc
town sorn.dimes, and lay for a bet. Once u
fel'er—a stranger in camp, he was— cunt
across him wit it his box, and says :
“Whut might it be you've got in thr
bos !”
And Smiley, sorter indifferent like
‘‘lt might be a parrot, or it might be a
canary, maybe t but it ain’t, it’s jus** a fr :g ”
And the feller took it anu looked at it
care'u 1 , uod turned it around this way and
that, and says : £
’■ H m—so 'tie. Well, what’s he good
for?’
“Well," Seiiley says, easy and careless,
“he’s good enough for one thing, I should
judgp—he c..n out jump any frog in Culav
eras county.”
Tbe 'eller took the box again aud took
another long and particular look, and give
it back to Smiley, and says very deliberate :
•‘Well, I dpn’t see t*o piuts uhout that rog
tbat*B any better’n any other frog.”
“Maybe yon don’t,” Suailey said. “Maybe
yon understand frogs, and maybe yon dou’t
understand ’em ; maybe you ain’t only at:
amateur, as it were. Anyways, i’vogol my
opinion, and I’ll risk fotty dollars that he
cun out jump any frog in Cuiaveras county.’
And the filler s'uditd a minute or two.,
and then says, kinder sad like : “Well. I’m
only a stranger here, and I ain't got no frog,
but il 1 had a frog I’d bet you.”
And then Smiiey says : ‘That's all right
Tuat’s all right. If you’ll held my boX a
minute I’ll go and get you a frog';” and so
the (eller took the box, and put big forty
dollars along with Smiley’s, and sat down to
wait.
So he sat there a good while, thinking to
hisself, and tuk the frog out and prized open
his mouth and took a teaspoon and filled him
lull of quail shot—filled him pretty near up
to the chin, and set bim on the fl >or. Smiley
he went out to the swamp and sloppe
around in the mud for a long time, and
finally he ketched a frog and fetched him in,
and give him to the feller, and pays:
“Now, if you are ready set bin alongside
of Dan’l. with bi 3 forepaws just, even with
Dan’i’s, and I’ll give you the word., Tb«r
he rays, “one—two—three—jump I” and bim
and the feller touched up the frog:* from be
hind, and the new frog bopped off lively, bu l
Daif I i:avp a heavp, histed up his shoulder—
so—like a Fienohman, but it wasn't uo use ;
he couldn’t budge ; he was planted as solid
as an anvil, and he couldn’t no more stir
thun if he was anchored out. Smiley was a
good deal surprised, and he was disgus'ed,
too, but he didn’t have n« idea what tb<
matter was, of coarse.
The feller took the mon«y and started
aw-iy, and when he was going out of the
door he sorter jerked his thumb over his
shoulder at Dan’l, and says again, very de
liberate, “Well, I dou’t see no pints about
that frog that’s any better’n any other frog ”
Smiley he stood scratching his head and
looking down at Dan’l a long time, aud at
last he says : “1 do wonder what in 'he
a.ition that frog throwed off for. I wond'T
if there ain’t something the matter with
m ; he ’pears to It >k mighty baggy, Bom*'-
iow and he ketchid Dan’l then■pe of
the neck and lifted h:m np, and says:
Why, biurae my cat, if he dou’t weigh five
pounds,’and turn'd him upside down and
be belched out a double handful of shot, and
then be saw how it was, and he was the
maddest man I He set the frog down aud
took after that feller, but he never ketched
him. —Mark Twain.
Eti(cl;i«tg on a Hutton.
fie bad never tried it be lore, hot he was
naturally a self relißut-man, ar.d felt confi
dent of his ability to doit. Moreover, his
wife lmd gone to the country. Therefore,
carefully selecting from that lady's work
basket the thickest needle end stoutent
thread, he resolutely set himself to the task.
Spitting npDn bis fingers, he carefully rolled •
the end of the thread into n point, and then,
closing one of hie own optics, lie attempted
to fill np the needle’s solitary eye ; bnt the
ihrs|d lithfr passed hy one side or the
•ther of the needle, or worked itself against
the glittering steel and refused to be per
suaded. However, the thrend suddenly bolt
ed through the eye to the extent of an inch,
aud, >Buring to lose this advantage, he q-iick-
MBrew the ends together and uuited them
with a knot about the size of a buckshot.
The button was a trouser one, but he liked
the dimensions of its holes, and it was only
going en the back of bis *hirt anyhow As
he passed the needle gently upward throngh
the linen, he felt a mingled pity and disdain
for men bundling over such easy j b-i; and,
u 9 he let tin) bn’too gracefully glide down
the thread to ils appointed place, he paid to
himself that if ever he married a si cond time
it should be for pome nobler reason than a
dread of sewing on buttons. The first down
ward IbruPt hud the same bappv risult.and,
holding the button down firmly with his
thumb, he came up again with all th.it con
fidence which uniform success inspires Per
haps of the needle did not enter
to the bone, tkit it seemed to him that it did,
and hi* upon the circumstance wa*
Bnt be was very ingeniou*, nnd
next time would hold tho bn'ton by one
edge anrFeoise up through the hole nearest
the other. Of course he would. But the
naedle bid an independent way of suiting
i'self ns te holes and it chops the one where
the thumb was Then tlm needle got sulky.
It didn’t care about holes, anyhow, if it waft
•:oiiig to be abased f or them, and the button
might have been an imperforated disk for
all the aperture? which that needle cou'd
thenceforward he made to discover, without
infinit* poking, and prodding. It always
came through ineu it waa least expected,
and never when[i! was wanted. Still be
persevered, and It was not until he finally
discovered that be had the
edge pf the button, and had sewwft "nTT the
wrong, side of the shirt, that be utterij broke
(town.
A
A Luckless Tramp.
Some t ; me ago a tramp got into the fire
box of a itatbwary engine tbat was being
shipped on a flat e*r to the Pacific coast
By sum? freak of misfortune to hint a care
ful braki man cloai d the furnace-door on
him, and the solitury pic-nicker was alone
with his cotieience and a few friends that
bad conie along with bim to represent the
Nation 4 Bureau.
At first h« thought it wap a joke, and he
laughed a smothered, hysterical laugh, but
09 the hoirs dragged on and lit* didn’t know
whether TPHAisS dsy or night, or whether it
was the /our’ii.of Jaly or eternity, he con
eluded to Biff act the attention of the outsid*-
world, ao be pounded o.i the inside of his
cage till his arms ached. He might as well
have tried io get out of a fire and burglar
proof safe with a cotk*orew.
One day, through cu r iositv, a railroad boy
opened the door of the engiae fnrnace nnd
looked in. The broad sole of an old boot
was turned op at the door, and the brake
rauo took bold of it and snatched it out. It
was followed by an attenuated piece of
hjmauity, that rattled around on the car
like an old umbrella.
Tbe bystanders reviewed him and asked
him if he didn't feel hungry. He said he
did feel a kind of goneurus iu the gastric
regions.
An old mao, who was then acting treas
ure r of .hellish Relief t-’and, took the job
of siihig him up That is the reason woy
Ireland missed tbe beneficial effects of the
relief fund for several months, at a time whet
she needed it worst.— Denver Inbune.
When a newspaper man’s face is wreathed
in smiles it is impossible to tell whether lie
has drawn a lottery pr zr of $25 000, or just
heard cf a nitro giyeeriDC explosion whereby
six men were blown to pieces. VTe only
know that i»e feeds happy.
“Uia me datf Word Agiir.'D
Old Z;b Wi’ißou came to the city yealer
day and entering a book-store suid :
“Is yer got uny Injun books heub ?"
The eltrk handed dowu severs! yellow
covered collections of thrilling escape*.
The old man examined the pictures und re
mit t ked :
“l want one ob dese heah pizen books
Gimtny one w’uat tells ob blood from lie. fast
w«rd 1”
“fieri''s a bad one,” “aid the clerk, ns he
handed down “Havage eyed Nat, or the
Bla"h:‘r of tilt Prairies.”
“Do hit tell 'bout men who hah been tore
all ter pieces ?” ’tl tlie odm u.
* Yes, together with wolve* and hears.”
"Gin n*e one uid a hornet's sting in eherv
word. Do de champion in dis bjok get
al! eotshed uu den git away ?’’
"Ye-’, his escapes are marvelous."
"Yns; well, jist gin me one whar d<
champion gitp snako hit, “teals n gal, chokes
a wolf ter death an’ hits his school teacher
with a rotten nig. Yon can’t get nuthin’
too piz-n fur a nigger ob my understand
in’ I”
“Why do you want sur-h poison books,
old m.tn ? If you have n family I should
think that you would l'ke to spread a bet
ter elafs of literature b fore them.”
‘ Din's whar you miss hit. Dat’i whar
yon gits off n de track of reconstruction.
Lemtny tell yer. I’se got two grown son*
1 Bout ’em hof ter pchaol. Arter a while
da tuck ter reedin'. Ike he tuck np de—
what word did yer o-e jist now, boss, when
yer sp-ike ob books
“Li'eintnre ”
“Dal’s de word, a pizen one, too, I’le
try to 'member hit an’ fl ng bit 'cross de ta
ble at de ole 'oinan when 1 gits home. Wall.
Ik-' he tuck ter readin’ de soft literature—
he Ihe 1 I’se got hit down finer dpn silk He
got books wh it tol l ’bout good hoys an’ all
dat sorter thing. Jim, be took up all de
pizen books. He wanted Injun in his’n.
Now what is de ’zult ? Why, Ike, ob de
soft—Bops, yer’li Dub ter gin me dat word
agiu.’
“Literature ”
‘Yas, literature, pz n word, too. Ike,
what read de soft literature, tuck ter preach
in’, while Jim, what read de pizen stuff, tuck
his ax on’ went ter de woods an’ chopped
cord wood. Ike is sich a poor preocher da‘
de folks wont listen ter him. I heard him last
Sunday. He said dut Judas 8. Cutt was
at one time a cirkit rider, an’ afterwards
tuck a si’uation on do Little Rwkperlice
force. He paid dat Joshua ’manded bir,
daughter ter stan’ still while lie washed het
years wid a cob, an’ kase she wouldn’t do
hit, kicked a hole through her He went
on tu tell how Abel was killed by » steer, an’
bow Gain stole a mu’c nrd went ter Ghic
kago an’ married a yallcr ’oinan. Now yer
know dat sorter prenchin’ will bring down
de chunks ob a coramuniiy. Wall, now, as
to Jim, what read de pizen Boss, I’ll be
dinged ef yer doau hab to let me take dat
word a minute.”
‘ Literature,” said the clerk, and the old
man scratched his head and continued.
“Dat’s de hardest piece ob gonligy I eb*r
heard. Wall, Jim what hud been readin’ de
pizen literature got fifty cents a cord fur hi*
wood and now war* black clothes, while Ike
has to go ter b»d ter bib his shirt w shed
Jim jump* eaten bed of a morning, grab
his ax, yells like pn Injun an’ pitches ontcr
a tree like killin' ob a snake. I’hu got a
nud.ler son, a young ooe, an’ l’se gw me ter
gin him de p z-'n stuff. 8o de champion in
dis book gits stake bit, do be ?”
“ Yes.”
"Den gin me four ob de same »ort.”
“Wouldn’t you rather have different
kinds ?”
"No, *ah ; 1 wards ’em all ob de same
sort. I wants dat boy to git bit down Hoe.
Au’ now, boss, ef yer’li gin me dat word agin,
I qsit ye.”
"Literature,” said the young man.
‘ Literature," repeated tbe old man, and
be bundled up his books aud left.— LiVlt
Ruck Gazette.
*B. k dresses quietly,” is the comment ul
oue of the fashion journals un a well known
belle. It is au absurdity. When a woman
dr 9*es there i* oioru rattling around of shoes
arid corsets, and banging about of wash
bowls aud pitchers, and caking fur this and
for tbit, and sh.mining drors, and breaking
off bureau knobs, and—and—and we have
often wondered how tbe mirrors stood it so
well. We don’t believe a woman ever
dreased quietly, but, of course, we dou’i
know. llou shoulJ we ?
Thk bathing suit* worn by ihe boys sloDg
ibe river trouts is very simple and inexpen
sive. It cuiisisls of a wad of cotten iu each
ear.
Amenities of B^.ukin;.
A man haring all the attribute® of a
rump—bedraggled garments, unshaven snd
unslio'ii—stepp (1 briskly in»«* the Titnsvilla
bank aiaturday afternoon, and, approaching
the cashier's window, said :
“Hop" 1 nin’t too late ?”
“Toe late for what ?"
‘ You hareo’t elosed tire vaults yet, hare
you ?”
“What's that to you? - ’ said the cashier, as
he ifl meed over to where his pisio's lay.
1 Yon see f want to borrow u are or a ten
to tide me *»sr nnti! 1 reach Cincinnati.”
* Wo hare no money to lend ”
‘ Yes bat you hare, though—when you
know who !um I am a delegate to the
Bankers’ (tonvention nt Saratoga. Read
an elaborate essay before the convention yes
terday on ‘The lt ; se and Progress of the Back
of England,*• with a few offhand remarks _,n
the coming crisis in American finances.”
“In your own case the crisis appears to
hare arrived,” suggested the cashier.
‘‘ln point of valuable informs l ion to bunk
ers, my paper toks rank ah«ad of that sub*
mltted by Secietary Sherman.”
“We are not lending any money now at
all.”
“I’m right in from the big conversion,”
continued the e ranger, untouched “Made
a slight miscalculation «s to expense moner,
and (onnd I’d be obliged to drop off at Ti
tusville and ask you for aY. 1 don’t mind
it, howevtr, as I bare always had a great
d*-sire to visit your beautiful little city and
meet some of your solid men.”
“Perhaps I should bare told yon before
that the vault is closed.”
“Of course you hare «> fire in your pocket.
Mo? Well, then, a two will do."
“Haven’t a dollar about me."
“Say fifty cents, then ?”
The cashisr said he didn’t have it.
“Make it c quarter." * *
' Can’t do it.”
“Make it a dime.”
“I’ll not m-ke it a red cent,” said the
cashier, as he moved ahoat bis business.
“Oh, you won’t, won’t you? - ’ exclaimed
the stranded banker as he hitched up his
forlorn pantaloons danced about and made
a feint to spring through the little window.
“If I had you unt here about two minutes
uod n half I would teach yon Rome el the
amenities of hanking. Yon haven’t a soul
to save, you wall eyed hypocrite, or you
would jump nt the eh >nce to help a fellow
banker in nn emergency like this.”—7 itu<*
ttitle World.
True Slory of William Tell.
lie wag Captain of an archery elub. nod
one of the best shots with the bow am! ar
row in Hwi'Z'-rland. That country was
then under the rule of the tyrant (iesler.
One day Gester act his plug hat on a pole
(or men to salute, and ordered that every
man in Altorf should make obeisance to it
or die. And they dot, every man •! them.
Kven the tree* standing aronrij made their
best boughs. Finally Bill 'Pell came along
with hie little boy. He told tbe men of At
torf that before he would bow to Gesler’s
hut ke would"Altorf end stemp on it. That
was the kind of a bcw-r.ad-arrow he was.
Geeler arrept.ed hint on the spot, being Mar
shal of the ▼illAtra as well as tyrant, thus
drawing a salary from two ofc ?C3, contrary
to the constitution. Gcsler, as a puu'sb
ru"nt for his audacity, ordered him to 9hoot
an apple otf the hoad of his boy. This he
did, alt Ho gh it was a narrow e?cape lor
yoarg T 11. Tbe apple fell, pierced to tbe
core, »o encore being allowed, owing to tbe
extreme length of the performance. As Tell
roshed forward to embrace his Hoy, another
arrow dropped out of his vest. *‘Ha !”
cried the tyrant, wherefore concealest that
arrow f” Beplied ’£pU t pointing tu Gealer’e
bend gear on lop of the pole, ‘ To shoot that
bat 1” Toe j' ke was so good that Qesler
released him, and g'Ve him a S2O gold
piece.— Cincinnati Saturday Might-
No matter bow happy a man may seem,
yet his life is not free from Lard knocks aud
disxppoinlw ou, just as Ibe SHbiitneai plate
of hash is sure to have lu king id it some
where a shirt butt n or a part ol a water
toll.
Mudicai. men pay that when a man is full
of whiskey be can’t fretze, and i ppeuiauces
would indicate tbnt a large number of our
cit at-us are expecting a mighty cold snap.
Jack— Now, I'll be papa goiog to fix
tbe furnace’' Sadie—* Oh, yes, and 111 be
the new nurse, and you mast kiss me behind
the cellar doer."
Out? of the most pitiable s : ghts in this life
is the spectacle of a man, who bus been mar
ried three months, weorug cotton in bis ears.
A ckntljm oßair-—An editor’s pocket
b<x»k. ?
NO. 15