Newspaper Page Text
VOL XXII.
__ ASX t';p rt \. red
v’ ,: 15fe s - victims of
—'— r 1 .':({ue, tlie
r *f- v''^..,- mercurial diseased
O patient, how they re-
J&- t&r covered health, cheer
__wr- ful s p |rits ard
; X, X aj petite; they will toil
?**••*'‘ 1 l>v inking t',lM
'> —as
The Cheapest. Purest and Best Pamily
Medicine in the World I
For DYSPEPSIA, CONSTIPATION, Jaun
dice. Bilious attacks, SICK II IvADACHE, Colic,
Depression of Spirits, SOUR STOMACH,
Heartburn, etc. This unrivalled remedy is
warranted not to contain a single particle of
Mercury, or any mineral substance, but is
PURELY VEGETABLE,
containing tiiose Southern Roots and Herbs
which an all-wise Providence has placed in
countries where Liver Diseases most prevail.
It will cure a!i Diseases caused by Derange
ment of the Liver and Dowels.
The SYMPTOMS of Liver Complaint are a
bitterer bad taste in the.mouth; Pain in the
Back, Sides or Joints, often mistaken for Rheu
matism; sour Stomach; Loss of Appetite;
Bowels alternately costive and lax; Headache:
Loss of Memory, with a ] infill sensation of
having failed to do something which ought to
have been done; Dehilit ; I ow .Spirits, a thick
yellow appearance of tiie Si. n and Eyes, a dry
Cough often mistaken for <£■ nsumption*
Sometimes many of tk .ir.ptonis attend
the disease, at others very i w; but the Liver
is generally the seat of the disease, and if not
Regulated in time, great suffering, wretched
ness and DEATH will ensue.
The following highly esteemed persons attest
. to the virtues of Sim:n<>r.s Liver Regulator:
Gen. W. S. Holt, Pres. Ga. S. \V. R. R. Co.; Rev.
I. R. Felder, Perry, Ga,; ( l. K. K. Sparks, Al
bany, Ga.; C. Masterson, I'.-;., Sheriff Bibb Co.,
Ga.; Hon. Alexander li. Mt pneas.
“We l ave tested its virtues, personally, and
know that for Dyspepsia, Biliousness and
Throbbing Headache it is ti. • best medicine the
world ever saw. Wetiidf«r y other remedies
before Simmons Liver Kegulat or, but none gave
us more than temporary relief; but the Regu
lator not only relieved, bt;c cured Us.”—Ed.
Telegraph and Messenger, Macon, Ga.
MANUFACTURED ONLY BY
J. IL ZiilLiN 6c CO., Philadelphia, Pa.
fiomutmd
Backs! u;;:.' .
iIT TOUCHES fsM \\ [ j
' THE s&■ i
i
PARKER’S CINCEf? TONIC
abates Lung Troubles, Debility, distressing stomach and
female ills, and is noted for making itxrea when all other
treatment fails. Every mother and invalid should have it.
HHAm R BA!LSANi
Cleanses and beentifies the hair.
Promotes a luxuriant growth.
Novor Fails to Restore Gray
Hair to its Youthful Color.
Cures scalp diseases & hair falling.
gQc.ar.d SI.OO at Druggists
The only sure Curs for
Curas. Stops all pain. Makes walking easy. loc. at Druids.
Tot
|||p |pA
ELY’S CREAM BALM Is a posltivMure.
Apply into the nostrils. It is quickly absorbed. 60
cents at Druggists or by mail; samples 10c. by mail.
ELY BROTHERS, 66 Warren St., New York City.
C’h I cheater’** FngU-a Diamond HraiiU.
TNNYROYAL PILLS
-if.'x and Oi;ly Uruulnc. A
sate, always reliable, ladies ask &\
Druggist for Chh'hent«r * llni/tiih Dia-/mk\
jffj&rnund Brand in Red and Gold metallic
sealed with blue ribbon. Take Yslr
4Yy no other. Refuse dangeroun substitu- v
fw lions and irnttutrui At Dru agi -;s, or send 4c.
Jy in stamp! for particulars, testimonials and
O “Relief for Ladlea,” in letter, by return
/r Mail. 10.000 T -tiiuoniuls. .Warne. Paper,
f Dhlel»eAterC«ciiilettl<-'o.,Madl«o»i tenure,
Bold bj atl Local Druggist*. i’bUndH., U».
Ers, Geo. I Edw. TIG NEE,
OESJ'IXTS,
Grant B’ld’g, Corner Broad and Marietta
afreets, Atlanta, Ga.
Will lie in their office at McDonough, Ga..
from the 21st a. m. till the last of each
month.
||K. G. I». t ill
DENTIST,
McDonough Ga.
Any one deairing work done cs«i he ac
commodated either by calling on me in per
son or addressing me through the mails.
Terms cash, unless special arrangements
are otherwise made.
j C. I„. Tlt KIHi,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
McDonough, Ga.
Prompt attention civen to all professional
duties day and night.
Office in Nolan building, room north of
Cols. Brvan and Dicken.
p .I. RJiIGAi.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga. •
Will practice in all the Courts of Georgia
Special attention given to commercial and
other collections. W ill attend all ine Courts
At Hampton regularly. Office upstairs over
The Weekly office.
-yy i. KKOtn,
* ATTORNEY AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga.
Will practice in all the counties compos
ing the Flint Circuit, the Supreme Court of
Georgia and the United States District
Court. jar.i-ly
pTIUIIDiOT & STEPHKNK,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga.
Office over Star Store. :..oath side square
Al business carefully and promptly at
ende ' to
tar Am prepared to negotiate loans on
eal estate. Terms easy.
yy-M. 's', mat i.A,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
McDonough, Ga.
Will practice in the counties compusing
he Fliut Judicial Circuit,the rUipremeCouit
of Georgia and the United Stales District
Court. apr27-ly
THE HENRY COUNTY \YEEKI X
To tlie Readers of The Weekly.
The old year has passed to the un*
returning beyond.
As we enter upon the opeuiug of the
uew year, many of us perhaps might
do well to pause at the gate, and sur
vey the varied scenes that we have left
on record, that will go to make up our
life's changeless history. Whatever it
may have been, let us enter upon the
continued line of our life’s work with a
determination to make a brighter re
cord for the future than the one we
have made in the past. Let us remem
ber the good we all may do, “while the
days are going by.’’ Be on the look
out for lonely hearts, that we may help
to raise from the pit of deep distress.
Words of sympathy often contribute to
the comfort of the heart bowed under
a crushing burden. If you would win
the approbation of our Father’s love,
and hope for Ilia divine blessing, for
get not the humble poor of this life.
Look around you, for the loving Mas
ter has said, “The poor ye have with
you, and when ever ye will you may
do them good.” The old year, with all
that pertains to its record, has gone
by and past to the uureturniug beyond.
'! he old mail’s fiequent scriblings
have been seen iu the columus of the
“\V eekly” during the past year, and
some who have read them will no more.
We come with this new year’s saluta
tion to The W eekly s readers. Mauy
who commeuce the year ’97 will have
finished their life’s work before the re
turn of another Christmas day. What
of the record we will leave on file?
There is a great day coming when our
life’s record will pass under a review.
What entties wiil he made to our credit?
Will the Judge award to us the glorious
plaudit, “Well done good and faithful
servant, thou hast been faithful over a
few things, enter thou into the joys of
thy Lord ?” Faithfulness over a few
things. W'oat things are they? Hear,
believe and obey with all thy heart,
the injunctions of the gospel.
W. T. G.
Here is a diamond, here is a p : ece of
charcoal. Both carbon; yet between
them stands the mightiest of magicians
—Nature. The food on your table,
and your own body; elementally the
same; yet between the two stands di
gestion, the arbiter of growth or de
cline, life or death.
We catmot make a diamond; we can
not make flesh, blood and bone. No.
Rut by means of the Shaker Digestive
Cordial we can enable the stomach to
digest food which would otherwise
ferment aud poison the system. In
all forms of dyspepsia and incipient
consumption, with weakness, loss of
flesh, thin blood, nervous prostration
the Cordial is the successful remedy.
Taken with food it • lelieves at once.
It nourishes, and assists nature to nour
isb. A trial bottle—enough to show
its merit—lo cents.
Laxol is the best medicine for child
reu. Doctors recommend it in place
of Castor Oil.
If one believes Friday an unlucky
day be should “9hake off this mortal
coil” before 1897 dawns, for it will
be a year of Fridays. The year will
come in and go out on Friday; there
will be 53 Fridays during the year,
five months will have five Fridays each,
i. e. .lauuary, April, July, October and
December; the first day of the first
mouth of the first quarter of the year
will be on Friday; the last day of the
month of the last quarter will be on
Friday; the first day of the third qu r
ter will be on Friday. The first Fri
day of the year wilt be legal holiday,
but you will have to work on all other
' Fridays.—Ex.
CASTOniA.
H-t fas- /y
'! HU OI.D I IMK I'IRK.
Talk crlicnt ver liuililin’s
That’s ail hat ii;i hy steam;
Give me Ihe eld o >k fire
Whar theuhl tolki aster dream.
Th ■ rickety ilogiroiis—
One-sided us could lie:
The ashes banked with ’talers—
Roastin’ thar fer me!
The dog on one. side drowsin’
Or balkin’ nigh Ihe door;
The kitten cuttin’ capers
With (he kikittin’ on the floor.
An’ me a little towliead
By mammy’s side at night,
With both my cheeks u-burnin’
From the red flames leapiu’ bright !
These steam het buildiu’s make me
Jest weary fer the blaze
That was heap more comfortable
in childhood nights an’ days.
An’ I’d give the finest heater
In the buildin’s het by steam
Fer the old time chimbly corner'
Whar the old folks useter dream.
—Stanton.
.McDonough, ga., Friday January f, iwit.
The Man ami Ills House.
The ordinary polite inquiry, “How
do yon do?” calls for nothing but a
conventionally polite response; but if a
man is past “the allotted age,” and a
philosopher besides, it may elicit a
reply full of meaniug and worthy of
record
When John Quiucy Adams was
eighty years old he met in the streets
of Boston an old friend who shook his
trembling hand and said:
“Good morning! And bow is John
(Quincy Adams to day?”
“Thank you,” was the ex President’s
answer, “John Quincy Adams himself
is well, sir; quite well. I thank you.
But the house iu which he lives at pres
ent is becoming dilapidated. It is tot
teriug upon its foundations. Time
and the seasons have uearly destroyed
it. Its roofs is pretty well worn out.
Its walls are much shattered, and it
trembles with every wind. The old
tenement is becoming almost uuiubabi
table, and I think John Quincy Adams
will have to move out of it soon; but
he himself is quite well, sir, quite
well.”
With that the venerable sixth Pres
ident of the United States moved on,
with the aid of his stall.
It was not long afterwards that he
had his second and fatal stroke of
paralysis, in the capitol at Washington.
“This is the last of earth,” he said,
“I am content.” —Youth’s Companion.
Catarrh iu the Head
Is a dangerous disease. It may lead
directly to consumption. Catarrh is
caused by impure blood, and the true
way to cure it is by purifyiug the
blood. Hood’s Sarsaparilla cures ca
tarrh because it removes the cause of it
hy purifying the blood. Thousands
testify that they have been cured
hy Hood’s Sarsaparilla.
Hood’ Pills are purely vegetable and
do not purge, paiu or gripe. All drug
gists. 2oc.
The Opelika News dishes out the
following advice to a young man:—
“My son, follow not in the footsteps of
a loafer, and make no example of him
who is born tired, for verily I say unto
you their business is over stocked, the
seats on the corners are all taken and
the whittling places are all occupied.
It is better to saw wood at two bits a
cord than to whittle in a loafing match
and cuss the government. My son,
away with tlie cigarrette habit, for 10,
tbv breath stiuketh like a glue factory
and thy appealance is less intelligent
than a stone dummy. Yes, thou art a
cypher with the rim knocked off.”
There is nothing that causes women
greater discomfort aud misery than the
constantly recurring Headache. Men
suffer less with Headache. “My wife’s
health was very iudifferent. having
Headache continually, aud just two
packages of Simmons Liver Regulator
released her from all Headache andgave
tone and vigor to her whole system.
I have never regretted it’s use.” —M.
B. Deßord, Mt. Vernon, Ky.
Harmony Grove Echo: Will Myers
has been found again. He is in Cuba
fightiug for her independence. Let
Will have a crack at General Weyler.
Perhaps he might persuade him off in
the woods to sell him some horses for
the military use. Will would be a
good check-mate fqr Dr. Zertucha.
If he could only betray Weyler and
kill him he would be doing no worse
than the Spaniards did with Maceo.
If he will do it we would be in favor
of giving him what be has already got
—liberty.
The Atlanta Commercial is respon
sible for saying “a young man was
found dead at the end of a rope on the
piazza of the bouse where his best girl
lived, though he had been told not to
‘hang’ around there any more.”
“Blight”
costs cotton planters more
than five million dollars an
nually. This is an enormous
waste, and can be prevented.
Practical experiments at Ala
bama Experiment Station show
conclusively that the use of
“Kainit”
will prevent that dreaded plant
disease.
All about Potash—the result* of its use by actual ex
periment on the beat farms in the United States—is
told in a little book which we publish and will gladly
mail free to any farmer in America who will write for iu
GERMAN KALI WORKS,
£3 Na>*au St., New York,
A Pair of Twin Girls.
There is a family over ou the West
Side iu w.-iich there is a pair of twin
girls. They are five years old, and re
semble each other so marvelously thar
only the mother cau tell which is
Gladys and which is Grace.
Ou Saturday night, just before bed
time, the mother issued the order for
baths. The older chrildren took theirs,
and along about 9 o’clock it was the
turn of the twius. They were undress
ed and waiting.
The mother took Gladys into the
bath-room and gave her a thorough
scrubbing. Then she allowed the mite
to play in the water for a few moments,
and after that put her on the rug, dred
her, powdered her and put her nightie
ou.
Just at this time the grocery boy
came, and the mother to run downstairs
and take charge of the provisions
After she had put everything away she
came back, grabbed up a twiu aud took
her to the bathroom. The little girl
did not say much. After she was bath
ed she scampered back to her bed room.
’There whb a whispered consultation
between the twins, and they both began
to laugh as loudly as they could.
“What are you youngsters laughing
at?” asked tho mother, as she -came
from the room.
“Nothing,” they both protested, be
tween giggles.
“But you are,” iusisted the mother
“Tell me this instaut."
“Well,” said Gladys, rolling about
ou the floor in merriment, “you gave
me two baths aud didn’t give sister
any.”
Still a Chance for Business.
The monotonous voice of the train
boy broke in upon the meditations of
the sleepy traveler.
“All papers, any of the sporting or
comic publications, books by popular
authors” —
“Not any,” drowsily answered the
traveler.
Iu a few moments the boy came
back and spoke to him again:
“Bananas, oranges, ap”—
“No!”
Again the boy went away, and again
he came hack.
“Figs, chocolate caramals” —
“Don’t want anything. I wish you
would quite b'theriug me ”
Once more the boy went away, aud
once more he returned.
“Now, see here,” said the traveler,
thoroughly awake by this time, “young
chap, I don’t want any lead pencils,
prize packages, stationery, books, pa
pers of any kind, cigats, fruit, candy
or skullcaps. I have no use for nuts,
shelled or otherwise, aud you cau’t sell
me any soap, buckles, combs, razor
strops, cull buttons, almarmcs, papers
of pins, cornstarch, rugs, walking sticks,
mustard spoons, umbrellas, nightshirts,
clothespins, brocaded silks, rubber
bands, carpets, bicycles, shaviug mugs,
yatching caps, diamonds, knives or
forks, cut glass, fluur, bacon, pickle
dishes, perfumery, coffee, tea, fine cut
tobacco, coal, baby cariiages. elephants,
horses or any other kind of animal—
four footed or otherwise—saw logs,
mining stock or real estate. Now, will
you go away and let me alone?”
“Yes, Bir,” rejoined the traiuboy in
same monotonous tone. “Want any
chewing gum?”—Chicago Tribune.
Love’s Young Dream.
The wind swept a cloud of dust
about them as they turned the corner
into Miani avenue.
“Did you get any dust iu your eyes,
darling?” be asKed fondly, holding her
closely to him, as though to keep the
too eager wind away.
“Yes,” she murmured, searching for
her handkerchief.
“Which eye, dearest?”
“The right one, love.”
“How sweet!" she exclaimed, with a
glad light glowing in her well eye.
“Do you suppose, dearest heart, that it
could have been part of the same piece
of dust that got in your eyes, darling?”
“I hope it was,” be said beaming
with one eye and wiping the other.
“Wouldn’t it be sweet, dear?”
“Wouldn’t it, love?”
And the wiud howled around the cor
ner as though it was iu pain, and from
the house three doors below a dentist’s
sign fell off into the street.—Detroit
Free Press.
Gold is lying aronnd loose in Dah
louega. A few days ago Jacob Ducket
struck a gold bearing vein while dig
ging some post boles on property be
lougiug to H. R. Meaders, in the out
skirts of town. Mrs. Meaders went
out afterwards and picked up several
btamiful particl.es of gold iu a gully ou
the same property jußt *fter a raiu.
Something l.lke u Funeral.
In front of a mountaineer’s cabin on
the crest of the Cumberland I found
sevou or eight people assembled, and
all were lookiug so downhearted that
I asked of a young man if a funeral
was being held.
“Yes, suthiu’ like a funeral,” he re
plied, as he looked over his shoulder
at the cahiu door.
“Grown person or child?”
“Grown up to bo 80 years old, sab.”
“Could 1 be of any service to you?”
I asked, after a painful pause.
“No, reckou not,” he answered.
“Yo’ see, while its suthiu’ like a funet
al, nobody’s dead. Its roy ole pop
gittin’ married, married to a woman in
thar, and he over SO years old.”
At that moment the old man ap.
peared in the door aud called for Sam
to come in aud witness the ceremony.
Sam turned out to be the young man
I was talking with, aud he called out:
“Pop. durn yo’r ole hide, cum out
yere and be talked to onco mo’ 1”
“Say, pop, yo’r 80 y’ars ole,” said
Sam.
“Yes; reckou I am.”
“Aud you can’t half see nor h’ar.”
“Wall, mebbe I can’t.”
“to ar jest busted all to smash as a
critter, and the idea of yo’ gittin’ mar
ried is ’null to rip the fur off a coon!
Durn yo’, pop, what d’ye yant to go
and make a fule of yourself fur?”
“Sam,” said the father, as he laid a
hand on his shoulder, “yo’ve lived with
yo’r ole pop nigh upon thirty y’ars.
Was he alius sot or triflin ?”
“Sot, I reckon.”
“Did you ever back water for man
or varmiut?”
“Reckon not ”
“Y\ hen he said a thing, was ho that
sot he'd stick to it if it broke a leg, or
did he change his mind aud whiffle
about?”
“Yo’ was alius sot, pop, but pester
yo’r pictur’ if I ever believed yo’d go
and do this!”
“I said I would, and I’m goin’ to.
It’s no time to upset my sotness at my
aige. Cum in, Sum, aud see me
jiued ”
“I’ll never do it, pop.”
“Nayburs, will you cum in?”
All declined, and when he turned to
me I said I was iu a hurry. He was
about to turn away, when Sam made
a last appeal:
“Pop, will yo’ git over yo’r sotness?”
“Can’t do it, Sam—can’t possibly do
it. The widder and the preacher is
waitin’, and I shall be jiued. Mehhe
I shouldn’t be sot, but when one has
bin sot fur sixty y’ars, he can’t”—
At that moment one of the men
brought up a mule that had been hid
den behind the corncrib, and a second
one took hold with Sam aud lifted the
old man upon the animal’s back. He
was speedily made fast with a rope aud
then away went the little crowd, the
old mau yelling and kicking, aud the
others raising a cheer. The preacher
aud the woman came out to look, and
when they realized what had happened
the former said:
“Shoo! They’ve dun carried him
off!”
And the widow added:
“Shoo! So they hev! Stranger,
mebbe yo’ ar’ up ou these yere moun
tings lookin’ fur a wife? If so, cum
in and bev a smoke and a talk!”—M.
Quad in St Louis Republic.
Plowing at a Mark.
An exchange priuts an amusing sto
ry of an Irish laborer whom his ein
ployer set to hold the plow:
Pat was new at the business, and
the first attempt was anything but suc
cessful.
“Look here,” said the farmer, “that
kiud of thing won’t do. The corn will
be dizzy that grows in a furrow so
crooked as that. Fix your eye on
something across the field, and head
straight for it. That cow there by the
gate is right opposite us. Aim at her
and you’ll do pretty well.”
“All right sir,” said Pat, and just
then the farmer was called away to the
barn.
Ten minutes later he returned, and
was horrified to see that the plow had
been wandering in a zigzag course all
over the field.
“Hold on then!” he shouted. Hold
on! What are you up to?”
“And sure, sir,” said Pat. “I did
j what you told mp. I worked straight
! for the old cow, but the crayture
wouldn’t kape still.”
Two years ago Nebraska was suf
feriug from a long drought, and the
legislature appropriated 5150,000 for
the relief of farmers, and there were
prophets who foretold of the tuiu of
Nebraska. This year she reports her
crop of corn alone at 550,0*>0,'>00 bush
els
Highest of all in Leavening Tower.—Latest U. S. Gov’t Report
ROSSES
ABSOLUTELY pure
CATAItIUI THREE YEARS.
A Cure Is Found at East In Dr. Hart
man’s Free Treatment.
It reads like a novel. Every word
of it, however, is prosaic history and
exact truth. A youug man has before
him a brilliant career. Chronic ca
tarrh has fastened itself upon him. He
tried mauy remedies iu vain. At col
lege a room mate persuaded him to try
Peru ua. Pe ru-na cures him iu a
short time, aud he goes on his way re
joicing. Without the Pe-ru na the
success in life would be impossible
Chronic catarrh has lias blastod many
a career. It would have blastod this
young man’s career if it had not been
for the kind suggestion of a friend.
Read what A. F. Stern, Marine City,
Mich., Bays:
“1 was troubled with catarrh for
three yeais and tried almost every ca
tarrh medicine I heard of. 1 went
dowu to Deleware, 0., to attend col
lego, where 1 got one of your almanacs
and saw auother remedy for catarrh. I
was almost discouraged with all kinds
of medicine, but my room mate told me
your medicine was all right, and so I
tried it. After taking seven bottles
according to directions, I was cared
aud felt like a new man. I recommend
it to all who are suffering with this
dreadful disease. It is the best
cine for catarrh. I owo my hoaltb
you.”
All catarrh sufferers will be inter
ested in abo <k written dy Dr. Hart
man. It is an instructively illustrated
G 4 page book, and treats of catarrh in
all its stages aud locations. It will be
sent free for a short time by The Pe
ru-na Drug Manufacturing Company,
Columbus, Ohio.
He Kept Ills Place.
Dignified Dame —Pardon me, but I
cannot imagine what business you can
have with me.
Awkward Youth (coolly)—I called
to get you to prevent your husbaud
from discharging me.
“I have uothing whatever to do with
my husband’s business affairs, and”—
“I am a clerk, and ho thinks of send
iug me off because I make so many
mistakes. He has nearly engaged a
pretty girl in my place.”
“Oh, you will retain your position.
By the way, when at leisure please
consider my bouse your home.”—Pear
sou’& Weekly.
••How to Cure All Skin Disease ’
Simply apply “Swaynk’h Oini-.uk.vt. ” No
internal medicine required. Cures tetter,
eczema, itch, all eruptions on tlio laee, nose,
hands, etc., leaving the skin clear, white
and healthy. Its great healing and curative
powers are possessed by no other remedy
Ask your druggist for Swavne’s OinCnent
The treasury department has been
informed that confederate money, soak
ed in strong coffee aud painted green,
has been passed in the back woods dis
tricts of North Carolina.
Sympathizing Friend: “Where
were the remains of your late husband
interred?” The Widow (sadly):
“There were no remains; he—he—met
—; —bear!”
OA.STOHIA.
“Julia, you know how George used
to love to stuff my sleeves in before we
were married?” Well—now
ibe says: “Great guns—can’t you get
some kiud of cloak that you can get
into by yourself?”
“I’m a plain, blunt man, Margaret,
and can frame no honeyed speeches.
Will you marry me?”
“I’m a little on the plain, blunt or
der, myself. No!” —Detroit Free
Press.
mjjmmmr m j From F.S. Journal of JfcSMfo
& J Prof. W. IT. Peeke, who
Ifl nukes a specialty of
m ■ ■ t Epilepsy, has without
0 P doubt treated end cur
's; » 9 5 ed more casos than any
Ji f %» living Physician; his
T. ■ k W success is astonishing.
We have heard of case j
years' standing
cared by
M IS him. He
fllTTfe
yUI
large bot
tle of his absolute cure, free to any sufferers
who may send their P. O. and Express address.
We advise anv one wishing a cure to address
Prol.W, B. ?££££, f. 4 Cedar St., Hew York
5 CENTS A COPY
Too Horsy for Bill.
He was a traveling faker with a liver
cure at 50 centß a bottle, and to make
things more interesting he bad a bicy
cle with him and gave exhibitions of
riding on the public square. When he
struck a certain Arkansas village he
found the bike a novelty in the eyes
of the population, and it was after he
had “shown off” that a tall, long hair
ed native approached and said:
“Stranger, I’ve got a son aud his
name ar’ Bill.”
“Well?”
"Ihat s Bill over tbar’ with the ole
white hat on.”
‘‘l see him.”
“Bill s straddled bosses aud mewls
since ho was 2 y’ars old, and he never
found a critter which could gin him the
Hop. 1 hat s made him mighty peart,
and he’s a braggin’ that he kiu stick to
this macheeu o’ yours. D’ye reckon
he kin?”
“No.”
“Would he git the flop?”
“Sure to.”
“Jest git bounced right off and flung
in a heap, eh?”
“He would. He’d think one side of
the Slate of Arkansas had tipped up
with him.”
“I hat’s what I’m achin’ fur—to see
ray peart son Bill git the grand flop.
I’ll gin you a dollar to let him try it.”
The matter was agreed, and the old
man called his son over and queried:
“Bill, d’ye reckon you kin handle
tbisyere critter?”
“You kin bank on it, dad,” was the
reply.
“It ain t like a mewl or a boss.”
llf course not, but don't you worry
about me. I never tackled anything
but a buzz saw which got the best of
me.”
“Haiu’t you a little too peart, Bill
jess a little?”
“Not fur me, dad—not fur Bill Jack
sou. .less stand right back and look
out fur (lyin’ mud when I start. Thar’s
my hat to hold and yere I go!”
Bill had seen the faker mount, and
with a whoop and a leap he was in the
saddle. He got his foot on the pedals
aud moved off about 10 feet. Then
something reared up on its hind feet
and came dowu with 24 wobbles and a
dozeu “bucks,” and when the dirt
ceased to fly they found Bill in a bunch
on the ground, bis legs doubled up un
der him, his backbone telescoped and
a shoulder dislocated.
“W—wat happened, dad?” he faint
ly asked as they got him united and
untangled and straightened out.
“Oh, nuthiu’ much,” replied the old
man. “Did you ever know a young
feller named Bill Jackson?”
“I—l reckon I did.”
“Son of ole Jim Jackson?”
“Yes."
“Powerful peart vouug man?
1 bought be could straddle anythin’ on
hoofs?”
“ Y ~3 e . What you gittin’ at dad?”
“I’m gittin’ at it to tell you that he
tackled a boss on wheels and got ever
lastin ly whopped and flogged aud made
a fule of befo’ 200 folks, and 1 consider
to reckon that he’d best limp home and
go to hoen’ co’n and keep shet of his
brag fur the next 10 y’ars to cum.”—
M. Quad in St. Louis Republic.
CASTOniA.
Ti# he-
I .
Man of Family: “That burglar
i alarm is a grand success; wouldn't part
with it for a pint of money. Went off
at 1 o’clock this morning.” Dealer:
“Eh? Did you catch a burglar trying
to get in?” “No; but I caught my
daughter’s young man trying to get
out.”
The Georgia railroad commission
has ordered a reduction of 2° per cent
iD the freight rate on fertilizers. This
will probably beuefil the purchasers of
fertilizers.
CASTOR IA
For Infants and Children.
Tkt he- /y
3.