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Chariot Kawtrey’t Twang.
“Once on a time”—it is Charles Flnw
frey who tells this tale—“I tried to sink
ray identity in the part of a man who
was my dearest friend. I had known
Mm since he was a baby. I wanted lo
wink my own Identity and copy him. I
was not allowed to. This is how It
happened:
“De Wolf Hopper had put on in Lon¬
don a burlesque of a play in which
Mrs. Langtry and myself were
Some one burlesqued me, of course.
He had merely a few lines to say, but
he did it very well. It so happened
that on the night it was produced #
■was not acting. So I strolled round to
Hopper’s theater and suggested to him
that I should take the part myself that
night. The idea of parodying oneself
seemed to me rather original. He con¬
sented, and on I went just In dress
clothes, as the character called for. It
was a great success, all .except the
identification. I lost that, but not
enough. The London TimeS .came out
the next morning with the following:
it i The resemblance to Mr. Hawtrey
was certainly remarkable and would
have been more so had it not been for
the pronounced American accent.’
"That was the first and last time I
have ever been accused of a twang.”—
New York Tribune.
Sixteenth Century Meals.
Judging from a passage in Harrison's
’’Dejsoriptlon of Britain,” breakfast
eating In the sixteenth century was
held to denote effeminacy. “Hereto¬
fore ” he writes, “there hath been
more time spent In eating and drink¬
ing than commonly Is in these days;
for w hereas of old we had breakfasts
in the forenoon, beverages or uuntions,
after dinner, and thereto reare suppers
when it was time to go to rest, oovv
these od repasts, thanked be Cod, sre
verie well left, and eeh one (except
here and there some young hungrte
stomach that cannot fast till dinner
tlmoi -unienteth himself with dinner
and ‘Kujtff. . unlle The uobilitic' gen
trie nod students ordinarllle go Co
dinner nt 11 before noon and to sup
per at 5 or between fi and 6 at after¬
noon The merchants dine and sup
seldom lx fore t? at noon and 6 «t
nl~v rnpecinlle In l.offdon. . The bns
fonindine also at high uoon and
sup jo ' iiei out of the tearme. In
:r.
our uV>fv!’• • ••...• the scholars dine «fc
JO"
~-ved by His Wit.
The French author Martalnville
was i» royalist and did not hesitald
to ntS ><•’ f’ e F’ccch revolution and
fts authorities Presently, of course,
he was summoned to appear before
the revolutionary tribunal, with the
terrible Fouquler at Its head. The rev
Qlntionary tribunal at that time did
not hesitate to send everybody to the
guillotine who had ventured to attack
them. Martalnville expected to go
with the rest of the victims. “What Is
your name?” asked the revolutionary
judge. • “Martalnville,” said the young
author. “Martalnville!” exclaimed the
Judge. “You are de eiving us and try¬
ing to hide your rank. You are an
aristocrat, and your name is De Mar
talnville.” “Citizen president,” ex
claimed the young man. “I am here to
the shortened, not to be lengthened!
I^eave me my name!” A true French¬
man loves a witticism above all things,
and the tribunal was so much pleased
by Martainville’s grim response that it
wpared his life.
The Krakatoa Eruption.
Perhaps the most remarkable vol
canic eruption known was that which
took place in August, 1883, at the is¬
land of Krakatoa, in the strait of
Kunda. Streams of volcanic dust were
thrown seventeen miles high, and more
lhan a cubic mile of material Was ex¬
pelled from the volcanic crater. The
air waves started by the eruption (rav¬
eled around the earth seven times.
The noise was heard at Macassa. 960
miles away; at Borneo, 1.116 miles dis¬
tant; in Western Australia. 1.700 miles
away, and even at Ilodagues, distant
more than 2,900 miles. The dust and
powdered pumice thrown out of the
crater made the entire circuit of the
earth before settling down and were
the cause of the strange sunsets that
were observed for many months —New
.York American.
A Crusher.
A consequential little man entered
I be commercial room of a big hotel not
long back and gave a vigorous pull at
the bell. As no one answered he rang
ng$dn more loudly than before,
maidservant then came in. and the fol
lowing colloquy took place:
Servant-Who rang that bell?
Little Man (making most of bin
beightt—I did.
Servant (scornfully)—And fako lifted
you up to it?—London Telegraph.
Troubles. V.
Their
“You’ve got no grounds to cnv.v me, „
Aiaid the millionaire to the beggar ,
’'I’ve got just as many troubles as you
Uave.”
“No doubt yer right, boss.”,said the
beggar humbly, "but the difficulty with
me is I ain’t got nothin’ else.”
Didn't Pass It.
A missionary in Trinidad once asked
a negro sitting >n idleness by the
pile how he managed tcPpnss the time
“I sit in de snn. massa. and, let q.
time pass me.” was the qnain nnd
philosophical reply.
Tommy's Choice.
Fond Mother—Tommy, dar’.h ;. tl*i
is your birth- iv What would ; a lit:
♦o do? Tommy. Darling (after -
ment's reflection)—! think I sh.-u id <■
joy seeing the baby spanked! Dor
Figaro.
The highest numhoc*1 resides in di
position, not in mere intellect.— Reecs
•r.
Called the Deal Off.
A Infl attending school craved a lit
tie holiday one morning when he
started out to wrestle once again with
the trials incident to getting an edu¬
cation. As he entered the schoolroom
he batched a plot to get the coveted
holiday. He went up to the teacher’s
desk and told his story. “My mother
wants to know if you won’t excuse
me for today?” he began. “She wants
me to do some work at home and
thought if I'd study at home this even¬
ing and make up what I’d missed
mebby you’d let me off.”
Something about the lad’s manner
kept the words from carrying convic¬
tion. The teacher bluffed back as fol¬
lows: “Tommy,” said she, “you won’t
need to go home at all. Since you
started to school your mother called
me on the phone to tell me that she
bad changed her mind and for you to
stay here."
The lad looked at her, startled. “Aw,
well,” he said, "ns long as both of us
are lyin’ about it let’s just call it
quits. I’ll stay here."—Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
A Wealthy Soldier’s Idea.
Australians still teli stories of the
colonial volunteers, although the war
is a far memory. One, a member of
the Stock Exchauge, was left one wet
and miserable night to guard a wagon
load of goods. He shivered in the un¬
sheltered place for some hours ponder¬
ing many things, and then a bright
thought struck him just as the colonel
came around on his tour of inspection.
“Colonel,” he asked, “how much is
this wagon worth?”
“I don’t know," was the answer.
"Much or little, we can’t afford to
lose It.”
“Well, but, colonel,” persisted the
amateur soldier, “you might give me
a rough idea of the value."
"About £200,” said the colonel testily.
“Very well,” was the answer; “I will
come down to the camp and give yon a
check for the amount. Then I’ll turn
In. I wouldn’t catch my death of
cold for twice that much.”
What the colonel said is not record¬
ed.—Melbourne Times.
Fourteenth Century Doctors.
Synge’s “Social Life In England"
quotes a number of fourteenth century
hints to success for physicians:
Suppose you know nothing, say there
Is an obstruction of the liver. Perhaps
the patient will say, “Nay, master, It
Is my head or legs that trouble me.”
Repeat that It comes from the liver,
and especially use the word “obstruc¬
tion,” for patients do not understand
It, which Is important. - .«•
Never dine with a patient who has
not paid you. It will be cheaper to
get your dinner at an Inn, for such
feasts are usually deducted from the
Burgeon’s fee.
When you are treating a wound or
accident, the friends of the patient
should be excluded, for they may faint
and cause a disturbance, but some¬
times a higher fee may be got from
I*ersons present fainting and breaking
their heads against wood and the like
than from the principal patient.
Socret Society Among Sese Islanders.
The Sese islanders have attained a
peculiar notoriety in Uganda because
of a secret society called the Rachichi,
which is not a burial society, although
Its members take a deep,and intelli¬
gent interest in nil deaths and burials
In Cbeir midst. In the more retired vil¬
lages, although greatly discouraged by
the British authorities, it is said to be
still the custom for the sorrowing rel¬
atives to bear the body of the deceased
wrapped in bark on a rough bier to
some forest thicket, desolate ravine or
other nnfrequeuted spot, where it is
left unburied by the bearers, who nev¬
er revisit (he place again. The Rachi
chi, who are denizens of a neighboring
village, and distunt relatives of the
deceased avoid the necessity of burial
or Cremation and show their respect
for the deceased by simply eating him.
—National Magazine.
A Disappointment.
“Yes,” says the lady after an ac¬
quaintance of ten or fifteen years be¬
fore has been renewed. “I remember
you perfectly.”
“Indeed?” murmurs the gratified
man. “1 am glad to k»ow that.”
“Yes, at one time I thought of mar¬
rying you ”
“Oh,” be replies dejectedly. “I
thought for the moment that there
might have been something that made
me different fron^ ail the other men
you ever knew.”-qLife.
A Stranger to His Ways.
^ distinguished bishop of the Kpis
copal church, arriving late at a small
j ;>u c sight. found the hotel closed,
! nutl, hammering at the door for admis
j sion, adjoining a neighbor stuck his bead out of
aa. window with. “Say,
i stranger, knock like the devil!” to
i i which the bishop replied, “I don't
kuow how "
i
Hit Home.
Tommy-Paw, what is three card
monte? Mr. Tucker—It’s the most dia¬
bolical, infernal swindle that ever any
body—or—er—oh, it’s some sort of a
gambling game with cards, 1 believe.
Tommy. hie." go Tribune.
Not loa Often.
' -,'They teli !<■ New England Philadelphia is full
nf old maids,’’ said the
i gii Now pose you Bo- ton girls
don’t often marry? V” “No; only once,
as i rule,’’ replied the Boston girl
Phil ide!;.in i T: vord
Spots Bemavad While You Sleep.
I dll-il n-t your wife a recipe for re
moving spots from clothing? Pickle—
t should say she had! She removed
two iwe-spotH from my trousers pocket
with quietness and dispatch Ins’ night.
—Judge
5
The Kind Tou Have Always Bought, and which has been
in use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of
and has been made under his per¬
sonal supervision since its infancy.
Allow no one to deceive you in this.
j All Counterfeits, Imitations and “ Just-as-good^are but
Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of
Infants and Children—Experience against Experiment*
What is CASTORIA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare¬
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep* *
The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend.
GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS
yi Bean the Signature of
'
«r 6 %
The EM Ton Hare Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years.
*S -
▼M* MDTM* >**■*. rr mvnHAV sntccT. acw vans err*.
Both Tainted.
“Yon are in the employ of that mil¬
lionaire up on the hill, aren’t you?"
snapped the sharp faced woman who
ran the butter and egg shop.
“Yes, ma’am,” responded the man in
the white apron, “and I want two
pounds of- butter for my master’s ta¬
ble. He said he’d send to town after
it, only the roads are so bad."
- “He did, eh? Well, we are not par¬
ticular about his trade. Did you tell
him I said his money was tainted?"
“Indeed, I did.”
“A.nd what did he say?”
“Said so was your blamed old but¬
ter.”—Chicago News.
A Fixed Law.
“You are positive this happened on
Tuesday’?” demanded.counsel.
“I am,” said the witness.
“Sure it was Tuesday?”
4 “Yes.”
,# Why not Thursday or Friday?"
“Because we had chickeD that day.
Chicken day Ls Tuesday where I
board.’’—Louisville Courier-Journal.
i-’
The Cook's Declension,
The cook picked up an egg. She
looked at it doubtfully.
“It’s bad,” she said.
She dropped It.
“It’s worse!” she hastily added.—Ex¬
change.
Not Acting.
Actor—Ail the newspapers say my
impersonation of Caesar last night was
absolutely real. Rival—Perhaps that’s
so. Everybody 1 ve met says it cer¬
tainly wasn’t acting.
Preserve your just relations to other
men. Their misconduct does not affect
your duties.—JCpictetus.
An Exception.
She—Do you suppose a man ever
spoke the truth when he told a woman
she was the only one. he ever kissed?
He—Well, I don’t believe Adam lied
about it to Eve.—Boston Transcript.
HopctOM.
He ought to turn over a new leaf.”
r. Gee. that wouldn't da much good,
He could turn over a whole library
and not have a good start toward
ing decent.”—Exchange.
Beautiful Widow—Do you know. I’m
forty years old today. Gallant Bach¬
elor-Madam. you are just twenty. I
never believe more than half of what
I hear
Saturate yourself with the philoso¬
phy of optimism. It softens the kicks
and takes the ja? off the bumps.—De¬
troit Free Press.
An Extinguished Flamo.
“John. I found a lock of hair among
your old letters.”
“Well?”
“1 never gaye it to you.”
“Don't worry. I don’t remember
who did.”—Houston Chronicle.
) Like a Great Railway.
With its branches running in every
dirocior., are the arteries ard veins
th:. onvey the blood to every par!
of the system. A void. su Idee
( cl;, and
es exposure, may cause
; poisoiicu3 acids to clog the circuia
i bon and then conics rheumatism.
1 Pv.-s If you value your life re
n o - - the obstruction with Br. Drum
n.o . 4 Lightning IP me iv. Semi »•'
to I rutamond Medicine Co., X w Yor
a.id they wiil ser.d you two larg<
hot-jes tev express enough for
■
h treativ.c;.:— wiih lull spoc-
1 U. I V.1-. , . \J 1,4 , c. w g n i v 1 *.
SEED OATS
FOR SALE
By L. W, Jarman, Porterdalc,.
0a. Appier Oats, Georgia Rust
Proof, Texas Red Rust Proof, 75c
to $1 a bushel. Also wheat Seed
for sale.
BUGGIES BUGGIES
V
\
.'N
Bm )
r. •y
4
j
All grades of Buggies
many styles at prices
as low as the lowest
75 Jobs to select from
125 Sets Harness—all Grades
HARNESS SHOP
&*£ 3 Harness made and repaired
iffi'iMfi* Big Stock Wagon .
j hi AH sold for Cash or on Time
r
i Tfrnf / D.
rill r A, THOMPSON I
-I
j».
Surprising,
What Kodol Will Do
For you, when you need it But the longer you nee.
lect restore Indigestion, Good the Digestion, more you will suffer before Kodoi
can
And, of course, Indigestion if neg¬
lected long enough, brings on seri¬
ous diseases in which Kodol cannot
benefit you. Some of these there
is no help for at all.
There are, in fact, very few ail¬
ments which cannot be traced di¬
rectly to impure blood. And im¬
pure blood is always due to a dis¬
ordered stomaeh.
Use Kodol and prevent Nervous
Dysp€pyii. effectually assist Na¬
Kodol will
ture to secure a complete restora¬
tion of good digestion. It does
this by at once digesting all food
in the stomach and keeping it di¬
gested, until the stompeh is rested
and can resume fts own work. Ko¬
dol removes the cause—anti the
effect, quickly removes itself.
When it is recalled that Apo¬
plexy, Heart Disease, Cancer—and
even Consumption—are due to
poor digestion and poisons thus
transmitted to the blood, and
throughout the system—the impor¬
tance of maintaining good diges¬
tion is at once realized.
Xj-AJSTDS
Two sections, 640 acres each few miles o(
Houston, Texas
Very best of fruit and agricultural land, near railroads and market,]
improved $12. 50 per acre. I
1100 acres in Cherokee county, good fruit and farming land, find
timber and 1 water, two miles of railroad station; merchantable tim¬
ber worth the money asked for land and timber, $7.50 per acre.
Titles perfect. Land sold by the. state several years ago and will
be patented to any one owning it when paid out; buyer can have
from 30 to 35 years on part at 3 and 5 per cent interest, or can
be patented at any time,
Also assist parties in buying western ’arvds from the state 40 yurJ
time, 3 per cent interest. Refer to Austin National Bank, Austin, Tex,
R. O- LOMAX, AUSTIN, TEXAS
Refer to the Editor of The Enterprise who has had 20 years at
quaintance with Mr. Lomax
it the way we do. guarantee
It is easy for you to prove Kodol
-the next (or the first) time you
have an attack of indigestion Anrt
you will certainly be surprised at
the results. It is perfectly harm,
less.
There can be no harm in trvin*
something that may do you a great
deal of good—when it costs you
nothing if it doesn’t
Our Guarantee
honestly say, that It has not done yen
as druggist* know jjar that onr i&re.&K£ guarantee la
This and to offer but applies one In a to family. the large The bouie^ lar/e
tie contains times much apt bou
as a* the
cent bottle. '
Kodol Is prepared at the labor*
tories of E, C. DeWitt & Co,Chica S9
.