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vt?i 3§gp : m "-i- CONDENSED STORIES.' CONDENSED STORIES. Tnw Venion of. Dcwey'o Famous Frtd.rick tho Qroot'o Encounter With Ordtr at Manila Bay.' I a Young Officer. Did Admiral Dewey ever give the I Mention of Bismarck recalls , now historical order, “You may fire etory he used to tell of an incident arhen you are ready, Gridley t" In- which his grandfather witnesset: tercelcd spectatprs of the engage- ] irhen serving under Frederick the ment say that those words were nev er spoken, but the sentence tnts ar ranged after the fight was over. The ~ isidc facts regarding the great May w ly battle of 1898 put a new light on the incident, and one who talked with the admiral soon after that battle is authority for the following veraciousAccount: Admiral Dewey never gave the order, in those words at least. That utterance wus put in his mouth by others and agreed upon u. v au appro priate one to hand down to poster ity along with the other famous sav ings of history. Soon after the last shot had been tired noil the , nish power in the Pacific ura» a th.ng of the past the newspaper correspond- ents^fithcrcd about the-admiral, as is the custom on such occasions, to get the facts for their dispatches. The admiral told briefly everything that had taken place, and when he had finished his recital the group foil to discussing the events of the day. Finally' one of them remind ed the admiral that it was custom ary for some famous utterance to bo handed down from every important engagement in history; some terse, brief expression characteristic of the man who led his forces to vic tory. .“Didn’t you make some ut terance or give some order during the fight that we can use in this connection ?” asked one of the news paper men. “No,” replied the com mander in chief; “nothing in par ticular that I recollect.” “Well, didn’t you give some direc tion of some sort that can be used in that way?” “No,” replied Dew ey; “nothing that’s noteworthy.” “Well, what did you say when you ordered the fray to begin?” asked the correspondent. “Simply order ed Captain Gridley to go ahead.” “Ah!” ejaculated the correspond ents, breathing sighs of relief. And thereupon the famous order, couch ed in the words which have become known everywhere, was suggested and agreed upon generally. The subsequent dispatches were featured by the words then arranged and put into the shape in which the order will appear in histories for centu ries to come: Mohs Hid Changed. Visitors to Washington will recall the bronze statue of Abraham .Lin coln in the center of Lincoln park. It waa purchased with a fund raised by former slaves to commemorate their liberator. There is a replica of the statue in Boston, reared by the liberality of Moses Kimball. Bostonisn; tell s story concerning the. remark of Oliver Wendell Holmes when he was first shown the Lincoln statue in Boston. Beneath that statue and on the granite base Great. It affords good reading in the present time in view of mistakes and rumors of mistaken, degrada tions and equivocal promotions, of which tales come through from St. Petersburg. During some maneu vers an ensign made a mistake, mid the old king, in a limning passion, pursued him with a stiek, intending to publicly chastise him. The en- sign.lit out for til he waa worth and nimbly leaped a ditch which the king could not negotiate, but was left fuming on tile wrong side. Later the colonel of the regiment reported to the king that the ensign Sad ten dered his resignation. “I am sorry, si:c, for lie is a rmlly fine soldier,” said the colonel. “Send him to me,” replied Frederick. The ensign came in, expecting to be beaten or per haps sent to prison. “Here, sir, is your captaincy,” said the king. “I meant tp give it you this morning, but you ran so hard I could not catch you.”—St. James* Gazette. H. Had the*Crackers. “In my younger days,” remarked a New York theatrical manager re cently, “I was directing the desti nies of a small troupe of trained amateurs through the west, and A LITTLE NONSENSE. What a Quaker City Clrl Itr.e-* About Punctuation. A Philadelphia schoolgirl said to her father the other nighlb “Daddy, I’ve got a senlencc I’d like to have you punctuate. You know something about punctuation, don't you?” ■ “Yes, a little,” said her cautious parent ai he took the slip of paper she handed him. This is what he fend: “A five dollar bill flew around the corner.” lie studied it carefully and finally said: “Well, I’d simply put a period after it, like this. “I wouldn’t,” said the high school rirl. “I’d make a dash after it.”— Public Ledger. “sum thing," asm toe sromnni. when I say west I do not mean Ohio. I mean I was so far west that Den ver was regarded as an effete east ern city. , “Tho stores out there are more versatile than any comedian who ever played Hamlet at a matinee, Uncle Tom at night and ‘doubled in brass’ in an intervening parade. You simply could not feoze the proprie tor of a store by asking for unex pected articles. Hardware, grocer ies, ammunition, patent medicines, boots and shoes, dry goods, mining implements, toilet ’ articles—all these were the stock in trade of the merchants. “In one little Arizona town I was in the leading store when a solemn man entered and said, ‘Have you got any crackers ?’ > “Tho proprietor of the store an swered : 'Sure thing! What kind do you want—whip, liro or soup?’ ” No Tint* to Waste on Poola. When George Westinghousc as a young, inventor was trying to inter est capitalists in his automatic brake,Tie wrote a letter to Commo dore' Cornelius Vanderbilt, carefully explaining the details of the inven tion. Very promptly his letter came back to him indorsed in big, scrawl ing letters in the hand of Commo dore Vanderbilt, “1 have no time to waste on fools." Afterword, when tho Pennsylva- -well, wellI now hocksxntHALi. his nia.railroad had taken up the auto- cHAKOEor mat ' ic brnkc an< j j t waa proving very was an inscription telling the his- successful, Commodore Vanderbilt tory of the memorial. The name of sent young Mr. Westinghousc a re- Moses Kimball appeared in letters quest to call on him. The inventor of very large size—in fact, five or six - * returned tho letter, indorsed on the times as large as were the letters in bottom as follows: “I have no time the name of Lincoln. Dr. Holmes to waste on fools.”—Success, glanced at the monument and, ■ —-—— catching sight of the name of the ! How Bacon Settled Him. giver in big letters, dryly remarked: A story that is told of Leonard AlPell, well! How Moses Kimball Bacon, who was one of tho host changed 1” — Cleveland Plain known theologians in New England ■ Dealer. ■>. ; a quarter of a century ago, illus- A LITTLE NONSENSE. Why tho Snooring Remarks Did N» Bother the Clergyman. A clergyman who was traveling stopped at a hotel much frequented by wags and jokers. The host, not being used to hav ing a clergyman at his table, looked at him with surprise. Tho guests used all their raillery of wit upon him without eliciting a remark. The clergyman ate his dinner S uietlv, apparently without observ- ig the gibes and sneers of his neighbors. One of them at last, in despair of his forbenrance, said to him; “Well, I wonder at your patience 1 Have von not heard' all that has been said to you?” “Oh, yes; but I am used to it. Do you know who I am ?” “No, sir.” “Well, 1 will inform you. I am chaplain of a lunatic asylum. Such remarks have no effect upon mo."— Short Stories."- Illustrated Phrase. She—1 Toe by the papers that a woman has got successfully through the bankruptcy court. He—Great Scott I The women are crowding the men out of every profitable business nowadays. Tha Cheerful Giver. ‘Ta-as, bre’ren,” said Brier Jas per as he closed the book, “de Lawd luU.de cheerful giver. Las* Sun’y Brier Jenkins dun gib 50 cenfli to pay fo’ whitewashin’ de pastor’s fence, an’ de Lawd lub him so he dun took him home to glory today.” —New York Times. A New Ailment Dickey—Ma, what do they call that old preacher “doctor” for? Mother—Why, my son, he is a doctor of divinity. Dickey—Well, I’d like to know what kind of a disease that is.—Lip- pincott’s. > Taking an Intsraat “You think that every young man ought to take an interest in poli tics?” "Certainly,” answered Senator Sorghum, ‘‘it he can buy it cheap enough.”—Washington Star. His Peculiar Duties. “Yds, he’s the reviser of playe for the syndicate.” “What does he do?” “Cats out all the dialogue and puts in girls and clectrio lights.”— Cleveland Plain Dealer. All His Own. She—I don’t like you to talk that wav about my mother. ' ire—I'm talking about my moth- er-ifi-luw, not yours. I guess I con talk ns I please about my "own.— Philadelphia Press. Dodging the Question.' “Is trade pretty good?” we asked the great merchant. “Well,” he replied—a bit evasive^ ty, we thought—“the store it crowd ed every day with laity shoppers.”— Syracuse llerald.' \ Knows Its Value. Gildeck—What I told Hobbs Is a dose' political secret. . He won’t give it away. Swifter—Not he; he’ll sell it to tho opposition. Yonkers States-, dium hglri boy?—Pittsburg I Aft Editor’s Hint ‘‘When you report yourself as be- ! attending a conference in one of the ing on' the sick list as late in the j Hew "England cities, and some « week as Thursday or Friday, you j sertions he made in hfa address were should, in justice to the editor, re- * vehemently objected to by a member main sick at least until the papers of the opposition, are in the post office. It is terribly ( “Why, he expostulated, “I never embarrassing to sey that Mr. or Mrs. heard of such a thing in all my - Geewhilikens is dangerously sick as life!” we go to preti end then while lug- “Mr. Moderator,” rejoined Bacon ging the paper* to the* poet office calmly, “I cannot allow my op- meet the saw P*rtj on the street ponent’a ignorance, however vast, to looking quite cheerfuL—Millington offset mv knowledge, however (Mich.) Gazette. gmalL”—Harperia Weekly. Wall From Wall Straat. Bullcin—Well, old man, what did you realize from your last invest- trates the absurdity of n popular j tac | n J^ kind of argument. ’ Dr. Bacon waa Lerably—That I was a chump, I usual.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Tha Barefoot Summor-Boys. ‘ Kow th* weary millionaire Envyln’ the barefoot boys Wadin' In the brand)! gji ■fiiiliiw To on* sweet, restful day! ^ —Atlanta Constitute* Post. Ho Isn’t tho Lott. “I thought you said once you j wouldn't be seep with him if hi were tho last man on earth?" “Ob, butdie has the swiftest anto- mobile in town.”—Chicago Record- Herald. O When 8ummtr Time Is Here. When the flies are In the butter And the milk curds Into cheese, When you try to chase the skeeters ' That are wafted on the treese, When yer sorry that yer livin’ And a swelterin' all tha while. When yer clothes are suckin’ to yer And you feel as If ye’d bile. Then jrer wish the flamed old calendar ..Would flop back half a year. “Dropping into verso.” Her Memory. Gnyley—You haven’t had occa sion to accuse me of playing poker for two yeura now. Mrs. Gavley — Three years, my dear. Gaylcy—IIow do yoti know it's three years? Mrs. Gayley—Because I'vo worn thirdress that long, and I got it the last tiqje I caught you.—Philadel phia Tress. Force of Habit. “Your church orpanlsL.il fine, bat the effect of hu execution ii marred aomewhat by the word* ha mumbles to himself during the mu sic. Why don’t be quit itr* “He can’t, old man. He was a passenger brakeman in his youth and has never quite recovered from the habit of calling out the stops 1” —New Orleans Times-DemocraC, A Practical Girl. Me—I know my income ia small, but don’t you think we could get along? Sho—I’m afraid not. He—You told mo that you went to a cooking school. She—Yes, but they did not teeoh me how to make wind pudding.— New York Weekly. Mattar of Relationship. Her—I can only be'a sister to you. Him—Oh, that won’t do. You'll have to be a daughter to me or noth ing. Her—Because why? Him—Because I’ve been a “pop per” to you.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Rare Talent. Social Settlement* Visitor—Your daughter play* very well, Mr*. Smith, and has quite a talent for music. Mrs. Smith — Sure, she inherits that. Her grandfather was killo^ with a blow of a cornet at a picnic'. —Lippincott’a Magazine. Unlucky. Publisher—Your book is fine up to the seventeenth chapter. After that it ia mere drivel. Author—Sir, it is my misfortune, not my fault. Just as I was begin ning the seventeenth chapter I dis covered, quite accidentally, what I i was driving at.—Puck. Something New* | Younjf Writer—My heroine haa , golden hair, but I don’t liko it. | Golden hair is so old. I wish I had | something new, > His Friend— Why not make it ra- ■ONI PULL QUART OP | WHISKEY FREE] Wa know the meaning of worda and will d pUIm to bo tho lwwaa|.prla«l WkUUjr f-bi-y as aril fa cun<t~(bcrr'a no (tail. I HPiPiisrS ! WknowncltJft't-’wr!* 'SwS ll'yfmrSlA* uYbdlry*" J N rtu"r J r 0 :fnR In* t?l^?> , | )r **°, ,M *‘ ttliE'ltilrt nrit^aanTdehr I oU-ftjio femur Mills, Juat in It wm Firat-ratJwLlalHsy laaoll i4 GU.OO . per Kallim,Itut U'« not auy betur Otaii‘Cuapot'» fi^YtArUid/ and tUal’mipUm' KaUguaUwitkn?i’l the ITi.iuiout 1; of this city will Mlyuu oar word fm* d. Tuli.tro.lt, this hooeit w |,i lev, wo oiler f.-t.r 1 .ill Ilnur I* mf ••fa.prr*. Year OM"- tvot amplcbouiot.m,u jfi.o.m iA yrur oU-a c ■crew aii I a dnn'.lnsf trlsrv—nil f<>r#ti.Oft. II tft.OO I* will .. . _ wlU double tHeidiovo and jmt One Full Quart Ultra. | RAllon lour for HOor w.»MtriiMi t w-enty full .fuari botth • Oblpt of It) And irlre fre,» i iirharri WM.itrlnkhiff irlusuanm.. plea,mAklnirtiita whiskey ro*tlciiartii>nfi.3A per f>All«nduUTemL I wo ship In plnlti boars wltn no marks t»Indionto contents, and I I’rrnny all Ka prr-s. Iluycri West of Texas, JUtiaM, Mchnuluk I MMlIJakoM tuuat mid h’Ocent* |*'r quart extra. [ ‘•w. J HE (EDITOIfk N<>TK|—Before pemlUiu the abort whisker adrerth gated the firm through their Hanker*. We cheerfully endorse lueiu, aud use need not beelttle to order earn pi, lot. C. C. Butler, The Original Mail order Man ' Of Jacksonville, Fla. ;.C.Butler| -»• OLD* «ARYMr RYE ACKsoHviLir.aotih WANTS YOUR BUSINESS FUS'D FOR OUlt n.LUoTRATED PRICK I.IBT. Competition court* d. A ft-w of our leading brand* am Old Kentucky Farmer, four full quart- f»r MW). Old Ma-jlnnd Rfe. four foil quarUfor $4.00. Metropolitan t lnh. four full querttfor $4 00. Union County, a first claw family wlilukcy, four f •*! quarts fur $3.0). Fine, U d Mountain Corn, four full quarts for $3 Oenuine Imported Tlo»»and Oln. fotir full quart* (or $3.75. We pay F.zprt-** charges on all the al>ove. A large and well Selected Stock of Wines, Beers, Liquors and Cigars always cm hand. Your kind patronage is sol It ik’d.