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A LITTLE NONSENSE. What tht cltlld Wl.hcd-Fer After Hear- . Ing Papa's Sermon. Hud in hand they wandered amon^the posies of a Mew England garden, a father and his little girl, and the Sabbath peace was over all. Tho father was a clergyman of the old school, and that morning he had preached to the quiet country & folk of the wrath of God, and the F tortures of hell, and the fearful f punishment and retribution which a k just and angry Ood sends upon the children of men. The little child : had listened thoughtfully as he ' preached long and earnestly of the v. wrath of God and the torments of j the damned. , The clergyman returned to hie ! home and walked with hie little girl' among the flowers in his garden. He loved her very dearly, and he pluck ed the sweetest flowers and gave them to her and kissed her and li her footsteps with the gentleness and tenderness of fatherhood. Suddenly the little one looked up into his face. “Dear papa,” she said wistfully, “I wish Ood was as E id as you are I” — Lippincott’s gazine. Faint Heart and Fair Lady. CONDENSED STORIES. Frederick the Qreat’e Encounter With a Young Officer. Mention of Bismarck recalls a story he used to tell of an incident which his grandfather witnessed when serririg under Frederick the Great. It affords good reading in the present time in view of mistakes and rumors of mistakes, degrada tions and equivocal promotions, of which tales come through from St. Petersburg. During some maneu vers an ensign made a mistake, and the old king, in a flaming passion, pursued him with a stick, intending to publicly chastise him. The en sign lit out for all he was worth and nimbly ,lca| ed a ditch which the king could not negotiate, but was left filming on the wrong side. Later the colonel of the regiment reported to the king that the ensign htui ten dered his resignation. "1 urn sorry,' sire, for lie i« a really tine soldier.” said the colonel. “Send hint to me." replied Frederick. The ensign came in, expecting to be Wien or per haps sent to prison. “Hero, sir, is your captaincy,” said the king. “I meant to give it you this morning, but you ran so hard I could not catch you.”—St. James’ Gazette. Ha Had the Crackers. “In my younger days,” remarked a New York theatrical managcrTe- cently, “I was directing tho desti nies of a small troupe of trained amateurs through tnc west, and CONDENSED STORIES. FOR THE LITTLE ONES. Hew Lerd Houghton Come to Bo Called A B rave Little Boy Who Saved Hll ‘ “Cool el the Evening." i Brother From a Cougar. , Sydney Smith’s name for Monck- 1 Four children of Mr. Rodenberg, I ton MUne, afterward Lord Hough- whose home if at Big skookum> g0 ! revealed in the anecdote felow, J ^ °® # ^ no Wednesday which is taken from tho “Remi- i dnnD 8 tb * last f f Jun ? * bese cbi ]' nisccnces of.a Royal Academician.” drcn > b «“>8 on the road homeward, At a London dinner given by a were straggling along at aomo dis-1 distinguished man, Sydney Smith tance from one another, when a had the place of honor, and Milne : cougar sprang out of an ambuah was among the other guests. Milne’s manner to the great wit and divine was lacking in the re spect due to age and position. He calmly addressed him as “Smith,” which every time made those who felt what was proper wince as at a personal affront. Finally Milne said, with some thing of an air: “Pm s rece; and seized the little boy who brought up the rear. This little fellow was tho youngest of the party, being only six years old, and least likely to resist the beast, as that watchful creature seems to hove known when it saw the school children going by single lile. The cougar seized the lad by the head and sat upon him, anarling at. %: He—Are you good at conun drums? She—Yea. He—Well, here ia-one: “If I wers to propose to you, what would you “Jf” Power of Expression Qons. • “Was your French chauffeur se- jusly hurt in-that automobile ac cident?” “Yes; he was knocked practically ■DeechlesB.” ^Speechlew? How?” “Shoulder dislocated; can’t •hrug.’’—Chicago Tribune. Hsr Purgatory. - s “But surely,” protested the lately departed Boston girl, “you are not going to take me to the—er—in fernal regions.” “Only for a few seconds,” replied the attendant spirit. “We must thaw yon out a little.”—Town Topics. The Poxy DaugMsr. Ethel—Do you spend all of your allowance? Grace—No; I always save a little. The thrift of it pleases father ao much that he always gives me tome- thing extra at the end of the month! Detroit Free Press. ** N# Improvement. — “It’s impossible for me to think and. operate the typewriter at the eamo time,” said the humorist. “Iluh!” exclaimed tho editor. “Then you are no better oil than when you used a pen." — Denver News. Naval Engagement He—I see another naval engage ment-is reported. She—More fighting? He—I suppose so. The captain is engaged to the rear aduural’i daughter.—Yonkers Statesman. Truly Herolo. “He had a play produced by an amateur company the other night, I believe. Who was the hero of it, do you know?” “I was one. I sat through it.”— Philadelphia Ledger. “I’m going on to the archbishop’. “ caQ ,“ DU u r" mra ’, ccptinn al Lambeth palace.” tho 0,d f bo ^ °* be ,n c, « bt - “4. are you? So am I,” and ^ ar '°' d youngster, who came to J!;>; > - «i";»AhSiR-RJrJZ w-aw -CM.. lb. a™, I V,,,. , and I *h,H b, h.p. j •• g* “ £4.“^ must* do' mc°ono favor" Don’t caU ^ a nd s’hundred'fraementa^f the archbishop Ilowlcy I” I - b f 0 . k “ ®" d * The voice and manner of piteous - ' f 0 ^ iUe that J me 0 d th^fragJcnts entreaty convulsed tho company and i i,i_,:„„ ..... crushei Milne, who retire/ .."soon ; “ possible from the table. j , et go Hs hold and rnn off> plungin . into the bnshes, from which he di< Those Solemn Canadians. . Major Edwards, United States no {“S aln emerge. j „* xfrvnfwaai ; Meanwhile the unhurt children fv ^ Vo 1 took tbo wounded boy into a ncigh- boring farmhouse. The wounds 1 ton and mot man} of Ins ^ friends , fl h wounds nnd whcn thc y j at the capital, says the New York | hnd ^ 9 drcssed tho Utt | 0 fellow j I grow quite animated in his nccount | I of the adventure.—Seattle Poet-In- , telligcnecr. Sharing the Birthdays. In Jnpun they have a very simple ; method of dculing with birthday ] celebrations, the nconlo waiving all ’ claim to their individual natal day. - There arc two general birthdays, j ono for each sex. The male birth- 1 day, which is known ns “tho colc- bratiop of the boys,” occurs on the j third day of the third month and : the “celebration or the girls” on the ; fifth day of the llftli mouth. These - days arc general holidays for the i young. The birthday of the mika- , do, or ten-o, as he is more properly ; termed, is also a general holiday ; throughout the country, the houses ; being decorated with flags and in- ! numerable colored lanterns. 1 ’ Mint Initut tiraitlii. jspsawtv* MilgC'BgRi ah sslCS * ♦ ■o'uicirfa Radiant Beauty ^Complexions of perfect purity are made by Hancock's Liquid Sulphur. The value of sulphur in the toilet has been known for cen turies, but much of its value was lost until the discovery of Hancock's Liquid Sulphur net only decs It produce a ikln smooth and - colt as illk. bet III ece at a hair bath will cere all acalp diaeates. promote a new growth o! healthy hair end aUengthcn the coloring matter In the hair ao ei le check add avoid premature gray hair. Buy lleneock'e Liquid Hul- phur at any reliable dreg store. Hancock’s Liquid Sulphur Ointment Prepared especially for terea. Scaldi. Once Sorei, Chafed Porta, haw Surface*. Boll*. S ic*. Reie»hne»ael face and Hand* and all tin Diacaiet. Write foe froa book on im of Nnlphar In Uw toUct. and m » uun f •kin dleenaae. HANCOCK LIQUID SULPHUR CO. Bntlioor*, MS. / Intelligonc*. Once upon a time a dog came j ^mpon a man eating what he liked, ; ^Rgardless. . ” “His intelligence is- almost cs- . nine!” exclaimed the dog, growling. . Puck. Lit Him Down. Easy. Father — Can George support you? Daughter — He’ll try it. You j might put our allowance on a dimin- j iihrng scale.—Cleveland Leader. Easy Method. Young Author—When I writ* far into .the night I find great dif- j Acuity in getting to deep. Friend—Why don’t yon reed over whet yon have written ?—Prince ton | Tiger. . i “SUM thiso,” tub tub axqpezxene.' when I say west I do not mean Ohio. I mean I was so far west that Den ver was regarded as an effete east ern city. “Tho stores out there are more versatile than any comedian who ever played Hamlet at a matinee, Undo Tom at night and ‘doubled in brass’ in an intervening parade. You M could not tease the proprio- & store by asking tor unex pected articles. Hardware, grocer ies, ammunition, patent medicines, boots and shoe*, dry goods, mining implements, toilet articles—all these were the stock in trade of the merchants. “In one little Arizona town I waa in the leading store when a solemn man entered and said, *Have you got any crackers?’ “The proprietor of the storo an swered: ‘Sure thingt What kind do you’want—whip, fire or soup?’ ” No Tim# to WOito on Fools. ( puwer iu mum: -uujui uuAmu: oiuy When George Wostinghousc as a j f n Montreal pleasant and to facili- young inventor was trying to inter- | tuto his work. He it drawing a est capitalists in ins automatic ,alary from tho United States which brake, ne wrote a letter to Commo- [ would cease if wo were annexed, dore Cornelius Vanderbilt, carefully ! ,0(1 therefore we will oppose annex- explaining the details of the inven- a tj 0 n.” lion. Very promptly his letter came back to him indorsed in big, scrawl- j nx cuudxam Ttnuno to au Ruon Tribune. The major detailed many humorous incidents of his experi ence in the metropolis of “Our Lady of the Snows.” Among others he told of the call of a party of Cana dians after the Alaskan decision was mado public. They were, naturally, highly Indignant at tha decision, 1 and one of them said to the piajor, “Well, I suppose you'll try and an- nex what there is left of the British possessions next.” “0>v I don’t know,” replied the major. “Why, wouldn’t you bo in fajor of annexation?”inquired the speak er, surprised at the major’s tone. ’'Well, you see,” replied the ma jor alowly, “if Canada were annex ed to the United Statca I would loso my job.” No smile greeted the reply, but the Csnadian who had laxed the question turned to-his fellows and said very gravely': “Gentleman, I think we ought to do all in our power to mnkc Major Edwards’ stay Be Sure to Consult the Herald | A U Wm*|/ Before PlacIngQYour Order for ** ™ UrlV C. C. Butler, The Original Mail order Man Of Jacksonville. Fla. WA$TS your business SEN L> FOB or It ll.Ll T 8YBATKI> PRICE LIST. roni|K’titinit courted. A few ofnur le&littir brninlt are: Old Kentucky F.’.rtutr. four lull quarts for $3f«t». <M<1 Mit'j - land Rjr'tt. four full quarts for 9t.uO. MidritpoM hi Club, four lull <|nnrt*for $4.00. Union County, a first flau family wli>k»y, four fu'l quart- f *r IS.O 1 ). Fine, Old Mimiitain Corn, ft mi r fn| qi.urt* in Genuine I i jiortcd Hotlnml Gin. four full quarts forl-tTA. We |ia\ 1 xpu-Sl I’liarfei • Nil tile itbove. A I s c« iinil *»’ii S#U»t u*U h:.*ck • f Wine-, Beers Lquors and Cigars v alw^y&on h nd. Yiuif kiiiil patronage in solUitvd. ing letters in the hand of Commo- - dore Vanderbilt, “I have no time to ' waste on fools.” Afterward, when the Pennsylva-1 nia railroad had taken up the auto matic brake and it was proving very A* Tl.oy Bay It In Touts. “Have you ever been in Texas ?” The man who thus inquired had very evidently been there. He pro ceeded: “You know, they speak what is almost a language of their own Conundrums. What country ia like a happy dog? America (a-merry-cur). Which it the biggest, Mr. Bigger*, baby or Mr. Bigger? Mr. Bigger 1 , baby is a little Btgger. Wien it a farmer cruel to his corn? When ho pull* Its ears. It a good boy wears his pants out what will ha do? Wear them in again. - An Accurate Division. Charlio was given soven choco lates to bo divided between himself and his sister Grace. He commenced eating one, and when ha was asked why ho didn’t divide with Grace ha ■aid: “Became I have to eat one be fore they will divide even.”—Little Chronicle. Natural Science. Put eomo perfectly clear limcwa- ter into a tumbler, and, through a glass tube, breathe into it The wa ter will become as white ns milk. After it has remained undisturbed for awhilo a deposit of white pow- i dor will be found at the bottom of j tho^gluss. Master Mutiny. Just six years today I have lived In the j world With my hair like m girl's, all twisted , •n«l curled. j And the boys on the street, when I psai I them, sU cry: I "Hey I Look at the curly locks, glrly locks guy?” successful, Commodore Vanderbilt j down there. Here’s nn example: tent young Mr? Westinghouse a re- “A. little girl went into a rural quest to call on him. The inventor I grocery store, returned the letter, indorsed on the “ ‘Ain’t you got no eggs?’ she bottom as follows: “I have no time asked. to waste on fools.”—Success. “ ‘I ain’t said I ain’t I' replied the * storekeeper. - * How Bacon Bottled Him. “‘Well,* responded tho girl, ‘I A story that is told of Leonard | ain’t ast you if you ain’t; I ast }ou Bacon, who was ono of the best ain’t von is. Is you ?’ ”—Pliiiadel- known theologians in New England I phia Press, a quarter of a century ago, tllus- trates the absurdity of a popular On HI. Foot Again, kind of argument. Dr. Bacon was When Daniel Sully, the cotton' attending a conference in one of the 1 king of a few weeks ago, was walk- New England cities, and some as-: ing down Fifth avenuo ths other sertions he mado in his address were I afternoon, he was accosted by a vehemently objected to by a member b::aines* acquaintance with the ro ot the opposition. mark: “Why,” he expostulated, “I never “Well, Sully, how go things by heard of such a thing in all my this time?” life!” j “Oh, I’m on-my feet again,” an- “Mr. Moderiffor,” rejoined Bacon , twered Sully cheerfully, calmly, “I cannot allow my op- “What! So soon?” replied his ponent’s ignorance; however vast, to friend incredulously. / offset my knowledge, however “Yao; Pro told my hornet," re- small.”—Harper's Weekly. plied Sally.—New York Timet. Well, rve taken thoee hateful old curl, off today. And new when they moot me we'U what thxy aav? ^ -tt O. Kobbo la BL Nicholas- ■ONB PULL QUART OPl WHISKEY FREE W« know Um manta* »f words and wilt loam par. I Hulaa td Im that U«rs -l-prkfl Mhl.L.y U use* ua l j pass* - mta waiwuutf. W**• II L.'.rw i' ...i-w. •! *M-k. y a. ••!•..*• •-rtlusa —■L.ar^if.U.era. nrat-rat* h.-y i > -U at «)UtoS>Lo4 Uitm.buiii - »r' tapy wuni - i-rr* ii v>armi.” It t | !-«er.r»H willLc» | >I. , li -At j sd< ew4 M letitoli W aNar ■■fit U*. Job Prl nti n g& n UXt%‘l& UV2NINO HERALD Low Tftces. First-class work.