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m HE SAW THE HEADLIGHT. "I got Into a town In Pcmnsylvanla last fall where everybody rode a bike," Mid the New York drummer. GETTING A GOOD DINNER. , A gentleman played off a rich Joke and I on Ms better half, lie mg somewhat of there was no law to make them light up at night I had business out In the evening and the landlord said I had better take a lantern along. I did so, and I was walking in the mid dle of the road when an old man came riding plump Into me and knocked me Into the ditch. “ 'You blamed fool, but are you blind?' I yelled at him, as I Bat up. ‘"Not by a durned sight,' ho replied. * 'Then you must have seen my light?’ " ‘Of course I did.’ " 'Then why did you bump Into me?* " 'Because I thought It was o’ them durned locomotives from the railroad travelln’ around on the street, and I wanted It to know that I wouldn’t take a bluff!* "—Cleveland Plain Deal- epicure, he took It Into his head thai morning that ho should like to have a tlrst-rate dluner*ln the evening. Bo he addressed her a note from the city, politely Informing her that a gen tleman of her acquaintance, an old and true friend, would dine with her that day. £ As soon as she bad received It all hands went to work to get everything In order. Precisely on time she was prepared to receive her guest. A sumptuous dinner was on the table and she was arrayed In her best attire. A gentle knock was beard, and when the drawing room door opened she saw her husband with smiling count©- Living Upon Kisses. Browne: "Lovett and his bride went to New York for their honey moon/’ Towne: "Why, he told mo they were going on a European trip/* Brown: "That’s Just his bluff. He moant they were going to stop at a European plan hotel on the trip, be cause they were too much In love to think about meals at all.—Catbolis Standard and Times. Now They Don't Spssk. Edyth: “You had better look out for a proposal from Percy Feather brain/* Marine: "Why, has he said any thing to Indies*© his preference for me?" Edyth: “Oh, no; but he proposed to me last night, and whon I refused • him he threatened to do something desperate.'*—Columbus Dispatch. The Real Thing. "Then your husband won’t give ud bis club?” queried the friend. “No," replied the patient youn* wife, “and I don’t propose to give up mine." “The Idea! I didn’t know you had ope.” “Neither does he, but the next time be comes home late from hls I’ll be on band with mine/’—Philadelphia Press. No Cause for Worry. Clara—What do you think of 8tslla’s escapade? Maude—Why, what did she do? Clara—She eloped with her father’s coachman last night. Maude—Well, her future Is assured. Clara—In what way? Maude—He has a stable Income. UNHEALTHY. nance. “Why, my dear,** said she, in aa anxious tone, “where Is the gentleman of whom you spoke In your note?" "Why," replied the husband, com placently, “here he ls. M “You saTd a gentleman of my^ ac quaintance, an old and true friend." “Well.** said he. good-humoredly, "am I not a gentleman of your ac quaintance and an old and trot friend?" “O," the cried, disappointedly, “this Is too bad." The husband laughed Immoderately, but finally they sat down coxily to gether, and for once he had a good dinner without haring company.—Lon don Tlt-Blts. Puff of Fame. Justice Bewer Is from Kansas, and hls state Is Justifiably proud of him. soon after hls elevation to the supreme bench a cigar manufacturer In Tope ka dedicated a 10-cent “domestic" ci gar to the Jurist, named it "Our Jus tice," and on the cover of each box pasted a portrait of Mr. Brewer. A few years ago the Justice was In Topeka on a business trip. The hotel clerk recognised him, and the negro bell boy, although he bad no Idea who the newcomer was, knew from the way he was ordered about that the patron was of some consequence. Going up in the elevator the negro stared con stantly at the tall, dignified man. Suddenly the black face was wreath ed In smiles, and the boy said: “*Scuse me, boss, but ain’t you de gemmon dat Invented dera 'Ou*u Jes- tico cigars?" This reminds one of the man who was recalling famous persons who “parted their names In the middle.” "And then," he said, "there Is *E. Plurlbus Unum,’ the man that maket the bass-drums."—Kansas City Jour nal Handsome Higglnson—Walkln's said ter be good fur a feller, but me brud- der 1MU didn’t find It so. Empty Edwards—How’s dat? Handsome Higglnson — Why, ha walked In front of an automobile an' now ho'a in de hospital. Made a Slight Mistake. "Mr. Deeply." said the hostess, "won’t you oblige us with one more “Oh, really," replied the omlnent basso, “the hour Is so late I'm afraid fny singing will disturb the neigh- “Never mind that. They’re got a dog whose hoWllng disturbs* us at Wight, too/’—Philadelphia Preaa. Ready for a Change. Smith— I’m afraid It will be useless to ask Homer to Join our club. Jones—Why do you think so? Smith—He's a married man. Jones—Oh, that’e all right; he has been married more than six months. Foretells Happltr Days. While the baggageman at the K*n* ©as City Union depot was in the act of throwing a trunk the other day It exploded, wounding several persons. All great reforms, however, begin wtth bloodshed.—Chicago Tribune. Boisterous. There waa once a pair of young beaux Who sported the loudest of oleaux. And the nolee that they made Put the sea In the shade. By the sound of tho aerge,! suppeaux. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Local Entertainment. A newcomer from the metropolis, feeling sure that the people of the lit tle mountain settlement in the Cum- berlanda would be Interested to know In advance the date of o certain event, asked permission to place the follow ing clipping from hls dally piper in tho window of the little postoffleo: 'A total lunar eclipse will take place to morrow between 8 and 9 p. tn. Not long after ther ( o was a knock at the door of hls cottago near by A half-grown girl stood there, Industri ously twisting the corner of he^ rag ged apron. “Please, air." she began, hurriedly, “mother wants to know If It’s to be In the chapel of the sehoolhouse. And may I he doorkeeper? I keo* It for the waxworks last year, aod there didn’t a soul get past me ’thout puttin’ In!" —Youth's Companion. LATER TOMMY GOT A LICKING. At the last meeting of the City Council, a resolution was introduced to petition th Legislature to change city’s charter so that the waterworks can be placed under the control of the Mayor and Council. City Attorney Leon A. Wilson was in structed to prepare the necessary pe tition to present to the Legislature when it meets in June. Is It Right? Is it right for you to lose 84.20 that dealer may make 50 cents more by soiling fourteen gallons of ready-to- use paint, at 81.50 per gallon, than our agent will make by selling you eight gallons of L & M., and six gallons of linseed oil, which make fourteen gallons of a better paint, at 81.20 per gallon. Is it right? The Longman & Martinez L & M. Paint Is sold by P. N. Horley Hard- A business man here was arrang ing some furniture In his store and got up on a pile of bed springs and cut the cords which held them down. Instantly they shot him straight up, and he bit the ceiling and fell on the staircase, bumping down on the floor. He was very badly bruised and cut; but he can assure hls customers that hls bedsprlngs are strong.—Quitman Free Press. alumbla BEST TALKING MACHINES MADE Cylinder Machines $T-SQ io $100 Oise Machines $12 io 963 The strike at the car works of the Atlantic Coast Lino at Savannah has been settled. LAWYERS. Office in Few Lott and Hitch Bnlldine. Lott & Hitch Building, Weycrote, Oa. 2 Office in Lott A Hitch building, Solicitor-General of the Brnnawiok Circuit -Wsycroea Gag fi/ New ' ott Rulldlogl Wtrcreai. 0,or. , VaLTBH BF.NWVTT. I.AWYER Watceom, . . Qxoxou, Lolt <k Hitch building PHYSICIANS. clock' Office hour, 9 to 10.. m., 3 to 4 y. m„ and 0 to 8 p. tn. Dr. H..ker', rwld.uc.oo Oiltuore street. Dr. iilcr 1 , residence Gilmore itreet Telephone con' unction, at office, and rttaidrncce. Order, should b. left at Seal- PhlrmaCt. Office at Realdeoce, Drunel|8tK«t l Telephone No. lot. Rev. Dr. Thirdly (visiting)—Tommy do you know what a miracle lit. Tommy—Yea; pop aatd tt would bo a miracle If you didn't »t»y to dinner. Didn't Want to Tolk Chop. Accepted Bui tor: “And now. d*tr> •it. about th. ring. What kind do—“ She (n telephone girl): Oh. mercy, me. let'* don't Ulk .hop!" Time fer DU»ppr*rln». Be new told hie k>»e. tor when The fatal words he would hare alt Her father from above y,Ued down— t.i the young man Quickly fled. Extravagance In Kmc. Thera wee something new In town to-day. A Saline man with an auto mobile put on a pair of kid glove, gad oiled hli machine. Then he threw them away and put on n new pair. That atrnck the crowd ae very wasCe- ful and extravagant.—Abilene Deflec tor. ■y th. Court Jeter. Wolaey woe saying: “Farewell, e long faraw.il to nil my greatness." t "I hope lt'e not a Patti farewell," added Henry VIII, with eoune humor. —Hotuton Chronicle. Too Opaque. "Bah Joe!" drawled the dude hoard or. 'T certainly do admire the New; port set' "Excuse me." enld the' buffoon board or, but before going farther would tow please (fate whether you mean people hens, or teeth T" - Office over Star Clothing; Store, itmn -lent* next oorner. Office honre X tc «>.aiiiolp. m. W. W. .Aneley, Collector. Dr. E. M. Nolan, Practice limited t EfE, EAR, NOSE ANO THROAT " * JACKSONVILLE. FLA i uithtm there DENTISTS. _ Office np «utr* in VcCol’-s Walker’s bni.dlng, tender* hls profm/onsl s#rvto*« to the panlir. W*j c*t». Oum. it up-stai Plant Avenoe Resilience at Mrs. Olem.tn’s. It will be to vour interest to «e before bavins work don* isms D-SWIFTs®- Tho Oraphophono reproduces nil kinds of muslo perfectly-band, orchestra, v'olln, vocal and Instrumental solos, quartettes, etc. It Is an endless source of amusement. R.lch ntertnlnlns G uptlvntlna o utwearlng ©sonant D ©UfgHtful S uperlor COLUMBIA mm Bold Moulded Cylinder Records COLUMBIA DISC RECORDS 7>lnch, SO cents each, $S per dozen IC-Inch, $1 each, 910 per dozen Grand Opera Records, (made In lOlnch discs only) 93 each Pond fer 1,1 met oalalopuaa of maohlnaa and raeorda. Wa hara all lha nawaat popular till* In W* atylaa of raeorda - cyllndara and dlaoa. IPhGStOffPDph CoiKpS&HJfr 43 Peachtree Street, ATLANTA, GA. »Si, Louts. 1004* Stanley’s Business College. MACON, GEORGIA. TO PARENTS: You, no doubt, are deeply interested about the future prosperity of your children. You can insure their inde pendence by giving them a thorough, practical business education. With a well- rounded knowledge of modern business methods, no matter what financial reverses may come, your children will be prepared to make their way in the world. Our business is to give just this kind of an edu- cation.^AJcommon school education is not sufficient. If you can’t pay in full we will wait on you, se cure your son or daughter a position and let^them pay us. To net the benefit of this offer, address at once. G. W. H. Stanley* President. Stanley’s Business College, Pythian Castle Building, Macon, Georgia. Missouri Wines Are the Best. Why not Give Us a Trial? One Case. 12 Bottles Assorted ©4.00 and we pay the freight to Waycross. Send cash with order. Our Brandies are of the same superior excellence as; our wines—more could not be said fyr any product. Write for Price List. Stone Hill Wine Co., Hermann, Mo, Wm. Fedder, Commission Merchant 916 North Third Street, Kansas City, Mo. Our homegrown trucks are about all killed. We must draw our supplies from Southern points. So would like to handle your ship, ments this season. Write for Stencils and Market Quotations Reference—Franklin Bank or Kansas City Packer Established 1890. CASTOR IA Tor infants and CMIflrta. ft» Bb4 Yob Haw Always Buffi Mi 1 1 ONE FULL QUART OFH WHISKEY Fill ft CmrJllVa h • Ur* ■■tl Hoat wbfakey tclUr* are uoi*d —Hrrtg. W«MUnof«rauilM9M©M ArrLniwrjeouspetuor. -C? ik'£!XL.VS2!% JuS 1 ' MW—Lfclwwlty toottfc* pa r» pifs |™x'4Kmsaj'H ul Wwi* is mm* %t jar* rtWifa bra