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ESTABLISHED IN 1881.
THEIR GUESSES ALL WRONG
o : of Physiognomy Received
1158 hing of a Shock When They
L Learned the Truth.
§% e ——
o 58 were enthusiasts In physlog
% and phrenology and were travel
& by traln. On the opposite seat was
4 of commanding figure, massive
brow and serious expression.
fw t a fine expression, Arthur! I
; I knew his occupation.”
& - he may be a great lawyer,
#No; he's not a lawyer. There's too
benevolence in that face for a
. He may be a banker.”
.®I am sure he s not. A man with
- & heavenly expression couldn't
jofitent himself with money-getting.
: alm in life is higher.”
‘ rell.doyonthlnkhecanbeaned
éAn editor, with such a face! An
e , saying hard things about every
' body, ridiculing women's dresses and
abusing mothers-in-law! An editor,
cutting and slashing his enemies, flay
ing public men indiscriminately and
- mercilessly slaughtering his best
‘friends for the sake of a paragraph!
No, Edith, he's a philanthropist. His
face plainly indicates that he is all
that is good, noble, pure and true.”
At the next station an inquisitive old
_fellow took a seat beside the man with
~ the noble brow and asked him about
- his vocation. The couple opposite held
their breath. The reply was this:
“I've a saloon and -a butcher shop.
My wife looks after the bar and I do
my own killin".”
LOST TIME IN QUAKER CITY
Calculations of Man From National
Capital Caused Shock to Native
Philadelphian,
After stewing for 15 minutes in a
telephone booth the man from Wash
ington emerged. He is a member of
copgress,
“There is service for you!" he fal
tered weakly. “I came to Philadelphia
on business and I wanted to get a bit
of information from your automobile
club about roads and to find out from
the Reading if a certain train stops at
W Conshohocken. Those two calls
er line was reportn%w—-)ult
'up 15 ‘minutes of my ‘oo short
life, reduced my weight at least a
pound through perspiration and set
back my temper a mile,”
Then this mathematical man fromr
the national capital assalled the slow
ness of our telephone service.
“Those two calls were worth just five
minutes, At home they would have
taken no longer. So I was robbed of
ten minutes.
“I figure out that if only one-half the
people in Philadelphia call on the
mbut once every month your pop
wastes in a year 225 years of
’;. conclusion was so appalling that
I now hesitate to pick up a telephone.
~@irard, in Philadelphia Public Led.
ger.
Jhanks |
e g
- WE TAKE THIS METHOD OF =
TENDERING OUR THANKS £
TO OUR FRIENDS AND =
CUSTOMERS =
| FOR THEIR PATRONAGE g
~ DURING 1916 z
AND ASK A CONTINUANCE OF £
. R YYYUHS SAME §
| DURING 1917 :
gy gen 5
Monticello fardware Company £
@he Stlonticello News
: “The Monticello News Covers Jasper Like the Sun-Its Rays Shine Irto Every Home."
WHY MR. SKIGWAGS ESCAPED
Remark He Overheard Caused Him to
Leave Hospital by the Window
Instead of the Door.
» ———
“T am delighted to inform you, Mr.
Skigwags,” sald the eminent surgeon,
beamingly, “that my operation on you
for inverted gizzoducts has been en
tirely successful,.and you are now free
to leave the hospital. That Is to say,
you would be free to leave the hospltal
if by a slight misunderstanding I had
not forgotten to remove my théroscutic
scissors when I sewed you up. - I fear
another slight operation will be neces
sary. No charge, of course.” "y
“Pleasure, I'm sure,” murmured
Skigwigs, who was an extremely polite
patient. But at heart he didn't like the
idea. i
Two days later Dottor Fishack came
in to inform Skigwags that he was
again cured. 2
“That I 8 to say,” he smiled, “you
would be cured if, owing to an unfortu
nate oversight, I had not forgotten to
remove my revolving forceps from your
interfor. I think I know exactly where
to put my finger on it, though—right
behind your Franco-Prussian gland. No
charge, of course,”
That operation was also successful,
and just as Skigwags was packed to
leave he heard the famous surgeon in
quiring outside the door: “Has any
body seen my raincoat?”
Skigwigs went out via the nearest
window.—Detroit Free Press.
To Capitalize a Hint.
The other day a woman called just
after Martha had finished washing her
hair. We were in the next room and
couldn’t help hearing the conversation.
Martha said: “You will have to excuse
my looks; I have just been washing
my hair.” The caller saild: “That is
something I always dread; I washed
mine yesterday.” Then our better-half
remarked, “I wouldn’t so much mind
washing mine if it didn’t come out so. I
haven't.amy too much new, and you'd
be surprised to see the amount that
comes out every time I wash it.” “Don't
talk about hair coming out,” said the
caller. “When I comb mine it just sim
ply comes out by the handful.” Both
of them were excited, and each one
seemed to be afraid the other didn’t
realize just how much of her hair was
eonln{ out, Claude Callan writes in the
Fort Worth (Tex) Stir-Telegram. It
looked as if both were doomed to be
bald, but luckily another visitor came
in, and as soon as she got the drift
of the conversation, she sald: *“Mine
was the very same way. In fact, it
was worse, I just wish you could have
seen the amount of my hair that came
out every time I combed it. I told
hubby that he soon would have a bald
headed wife. Well, a friend of mine
told me to use —.”" She went ahead
and told what it was, but we don't
want to give out the information. We
are planning to organize a company
and manufacture it.
e e Y
Plant a little aa in these columns
and watch the resuits! |
MONTICELLO, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 29, 1916.
BLOWPIPE MUST BE PERFECT
ey
Extraordinary Skill Called for in the
Manufacture of Deadly Weapon ,
Used by Borneo Natives.
Although one of the simplest of
weapons, the blowpipes used by the
Land Dyaks of Sarawak, North Borneo,
require more skill in the making than
any other instrument or implement of
a primitive people, says Popular Sci
ence Monthly.
No thin sapling sufficiently straight
or strong for a blowpipe Is to be found
in the forests of Borneo, so the labori
ous method of working down a large
plece of wood has to be resorted to,
The wood most favored Is called yong
by the natives. It Is heavier than water
and of very tough texture, but it is
fairly easily worked, even after a
couple of years' seasoning. The young
log is rigged up vertically in a scaf
folding, and almost on a level with the
uipér end of it is a platform, upon
which the driller stands. The task of
the latter Is to run a perfectly straight
hole three-eighths of an inch in diame
ter through the whole length of the log.
_AB the hole deepens, longer handles
are attached to the chisel blade, the
last being as long as the log itself. The
driller is invariably an old man, with
vears of experience. Considering his
long training, the accuracy of his work
is remarkable. Only after the hole is
completed, tested and found true is the
less careful but still laborious work of
shaping down the outside of the log
taken up. This is done first with axes,
then with a parang, or native knife,
and finally by scraping.
OWE WEALTH TO PETROLEUM
Vast Fortunes of 01l Kings All Have
Had Their Foundation in That
Substance.
01l is one of the financial backbones
of the world. There are more oil kings
than any other kings—barring royalty.
Yet multimillionaires, whose money
eame from oil, owe their fortunes to
the mother 011, petroleum. By this it
is meant that petroleum is the basis of
nine-tenths of the oils other than vege
table oils.
Petroleum comes from the earth a
liquid substance, It is then run into
huge tanks, where it is vaporized, the
product of the promub;gl: collected,
'This product is petrol. substance
left in the-tanks is vaporized by the
same process only under greater heat,
and what is collected and condensed is
paraffin,
Paraffin and petrol are the two light
est olls, and for this reason they are
the first to be obtained, They are also
known as the “inflammable oils,” and,
as such, far the two most important
olls in existence. When these have been
extracted the heavier oils are driven
off. Firstly the thin, then the thick
lubricants.
The residue, on cooling off, forms
solid paraffin. Another substance ob
tained from petroleum {is naphtha.
There are huge petroleum wells in
Russia and America. In both places
the olls are extracted at the wells and
are conveyed through underground
pipes to the sea, where they are
shipped away. The longest oil pipe is
about forty miles in length.
% Americans Detest Quiet.
Of all things which Americans de
test quiet comes first. Take as a proof
this matter of planos and talking ma
c¢hines, says the Philadelphia Ledger.
Every workday there now comes
from American factories an even 1,000
pianos and about 1,800 talking ma
chines. You will notice that the piano
has not been entirely silenced by me
chanical music. Indeed, the value of
pianos made daily in our couatry is
3% times as great as the value of
phonographs, but the number of planos
now turned out is smaller than it was
five years ago, while the number of its
great rival has increased by half,
Uncle Sam tells us that two years
ago we paid $15,000,000 for talking ma
chines and $11,000,000 for the reccrds
which they played. No wonder talking
machine stock {8 quoted at about $l,lOO
n share and stockholders bank upon
dividends of $l2O a share this year.
Responsibility.
j That person who feels no responsi
bility leads an empty, aimless, useless
‘existence., Broadly, of course, there
are no persons, not insane or public
charges, wholly without respoasibility.
Even the insane and paupers in public
institutions are answerable or account
able in a degree to the authority under
which they live, in that they raust con
form.to fixed rules to the limit of their
capacity for understanding them. For,
-answérability of the individual to the
whale body being the very foundation ‘
of the security of soclety at large, the
primary step in elevating the child,
the backward or the crushed adult,
even the feeble-minded, 18 the awaken
ing of self-respect through inculcation
of a feeling of responsibility.
e (e
' Put a little notice in The News and
sell that ‘cow, hog, horse, mule, grain,
:}' Wm&““ you wish to dispose
o SRR e o
ALWAYS SOURCE OF WORRY
Prob of Proper Cooking Has Both.
¥ Even Those Who “Sat in
* the High Places™
The Springfield Republican exhumes
and exhibits the fact that Charles Dick
ens cta had a talk with Queen Vic
toria &t Buckingham palace, and that
thees subjects of the conversation
were ' difficuities of obtaining satis
fa ' domestic service and the In
sing cost of victuals.
. The incident, remarks the Loulsville
urigrJournal, throws an Interesting
sid upon the characters of two
notatiles, showing that neither of them
overvalued formality, and that the two
of m:\ able to discuss In neigh
borly on the problems in which
they weére as much concerned as they
were In problems of state or phases of
1t ire or the other arts.
1t 18 altogether probablé that the As
ufla*“l’enmn and Egyptian mon
urchn when those countries were
young, it they ever were young, thought
and talked as the widow of Windsor
and}n great novelist thought and
talked at a much later period. There
Is every reason to belleve that when
Darlué was consulting with his en
gineers about the feasibility of digging
a canal across the Isthmus of Suez he
was having trouble getting his three
meall" cooked and served as he de
sired. ' If Cheops did not dine at the
club or restaurant occasionally while he
was impressing the labor of thousands
of telgeen to bulld the boss pyramid
it was because royal dignity didn’t ad
mit of that means of escape from do
mestic annoyance, or because there
wasn't any club or restaurant boasting
a chef who could satisfy the palate of
a wearer of the purple.
History Is not clear on the point, but
perhaps Diogenes lived in the tub to
avoid the burdens of a larger establish
ment, and maybe Nebuchadnezzar's
real reason for running on range and
eating grass was that he had been
driven mad by the aggravations of a
cullnary department which never was
in perfect working order.
GREAT ‘PROTECTOR’ NOT VAIN
Records Show Oliver Cromwell Object
ed to Idea of Having his “Effigy”
Stamped on Medal.
B RN Aet .. 08l iy
While .the Armada medals may be
regarded as the beginning of war med
als in England, the true prototype of
the war medal of today is held to be
the famous “Dunbar Medal” authorized
by parliament in 1650, It was the first
medal, as far as Is known, to be issued
to all ranks alike, from the humblest
soldier to the commander in chief.
There were two issues of the medal,
but on the obverse of both of them was
a left profile bust of Oliver Cromwell,
with a ‘battle raging in the distance. It
was no cholce of Cromwell’'s that his
likeness appeared on the medal. In a
letter addressed to the “Committee of
the Army in London,” he urges that his
likeness should not appear on the med
al; that one side should show the par
liament and the other the army, and he
adds: “Wherefore, if I may beg it as a
favor from you, I most earnestly be
seech you, if I may do it without of
fense, that it may be so. And if you
think not fit to have it as I offer, you
may alter it as you see cause; only I do
think I may truly say it will be very
thankfully acknowledged by me, if you
will spare the having of my effigies in
it.” Parliament, however, would not
hear of it, and the protector’s “effigy”
is made the prominent feature on the
obverse of both medals.
Famous Maryland Artists.
Maryland has reason to be proud of
the two artists, Charles and Rem
brandt Peale. The former was born
at Chestertown, Md, in 1741, " Like
Robert Fulton, he was both artist and
inventor. Charles Peale started life
as a saddler, then silversmith, watch
maker and carver, He went to Bos
ton and studied under the celebrated
Copley, and later in Leondon under
Benjamin West. Then came the honor
of painting the first portrait of Wash
ington as a Virginia colonel in 1772,
During the revolution he commanded a
company at the battle of Trenton and
Germantown and was a member of
the Pennsylvania convention of 1777,
'He, however, rendered a greater serv
ice to posterity by painting the por
traits of the leading officers of the
ißevolutlon. and was one of the pro
moters of the Academy of Fine Arts in
Philadelphia. This most versatile man,
besides inventing a great variety of
machines, was the first American man
ufacturer of enamel teeth. He died in
Philadelphia in 1827, but his art lived
in the person of his famous son, Rem
brandt Peale, - |
[WO ——
. We see by the papers that
more gold is being shipped into,
the United States. Ho?e some
of it will wend its way into our
pocketbook. =
: L 8
- K yourowe The News any
thing, please come in ahd pay.
SUPERIORITY DUE TO FOOD
Man’s Rise to Place Above the Lower
Animals Declared to Be Result
of Eating Meat.
In a letter to Sclence, W. W, Lyon
states that there appears to be “strong
zoological evidence that man and his
ancestors have long Indulged in three
forms of animal food which today are
commonly found in markets.” The par
asites which prey upon man, and which
are associated with animals, are the
beef, pork and fish tapeworms, Sclen
tific mymmu:: seems to indicate
that the evolution of these three para
sites has probably been somewhat sim
ilar to that of man himself, In the case
of the beef and pork parasites, it is
then argued that man has been eating
pigs and cows—and perhaps himself—
for a good many centuries, In the
case of the fish parasite the theory
falls, for the dog Is also affected. But
this commentator adds that “the ease
with which man becomes infested with
this parasite might indicate that he had
eaten uncooked fish for a long period.”
On the whole, however, speculation on
the subject points to the probability
that man has been a meat eater for
many thousand years. Certain investi
gators, notably Gregory, have con
cluded that the horse was a source of
food, and others who have followed his
research activities have been unable to
prove that primitive man did not eat
horse meat along with beef. Further
evidence that man was not early given
to meat-eating is embodied in the
theory of the evolution of man. It is
contended that one of the chief factors
in man’'s rise in the intellectual and
physical scale above other animals was
his early tendency to add to his vege
table diet a certain amount of meat,
thus “shortening the digestive proces
ses,” and improving nutrition by the
addition of stimulating proteins. This
improved dlet added to his energy and
resourcefulness, increased his strength
and stimulated his activity and pl ted
him in the front of the evoluflorry
process by means of which the eJolu
tionists contend he achieved his pres.
ent supremacy.
WEIRD MUSIC FROM A MINE
Engineer Tells of His Experience When
Descending One of the Deepest
LW‘-MM;» .
I recall an interesting experience at
the Neuva Luz shaft, the deepest shaft
on the Veta Madre, in the Guanajuato
district, Mexico. It is 2,081 feet deep,
cut out of solid rock. Iron buckets,
guided by wire ropes, are used for
hoisting men, rock and supplies, and
even an experienced engineer is ex
cused a feeling of fear and trepida
tion when straddling the bale over this
yawning hole.
The almost nude natives, oblivious
of danger, jumped aboard, holding
their torch of candles in the free hand,
and as they were lowered began to
sing. A flood of melody filled the shaft,
a full crescendo reverberated from wall
to wall, followed by softer cadences,
and as I passed down into the hole the
bucket continued its slow descent, the
lights of the torches became more and
more indistinct, the darkness deep
ened, the prayerful song came up with
decreasing volume until it seemed like
a distant echo from the wunknown,
Then there was no light visible, no an
them audible, and I involuntarily said
“Amen.”—Frank H. Probert, in Na.
tional Geographic Magazine,
. __—__.._.__o—_——..———-—
Tell 'em you saw it in The News.
‘ Condensed Statement of
Jhe Jasper County Bank
MONTICELLO, GA.
At the Close of Business, Sept. 19, 1916,
- RESOURCES
Loans and Dis
counts.._..... $181,400.84
Banking House
Furniture antl
Fixtures...... 7,600.00
Other Real Estate 5,333.15
CA5H.......... 82861702
$276,951.01
. The Above is Correct. "
G. W. CORNWELL, Cashier.
Jasper County JBank
: ‘A Good Bank in a Good Town."
D. B. BENTON, President. J. T. BENTON, Vice-President.
{ J. L. BENTON, Vice-President, G. W. CORNWELL, Cashier.
NUMBER 47.
JUST REFUSE TO BE ANNOYED
Begin the Day in Good Mumor and Des
termine Not to Complain, and
Note the Resuit.
Start the day right—especially when
the weather is trying upon one's
nerves.. Start it by being In good hu~
mor—by refusing to be annoyed. Don't
get excited about anything; there is
really nothing exciting early In the
morning. Make the most of every
thing about you—and determine in
your own mind that come what may
you are going to accept it without com=
plaint, and there wilt be little cause
for complaint, says the Dayton News,
If we could start the day with a
smile, there would be no trouble for us
through the hours te follow. If we
would refuse to become peeved, noth
ing would peeve us throughout the day.
There Is more in this thing of getting
started right than the average man
may suppose.
Ever notice a good engineer, how he
starts the train? He sits there gazing
up the track. He has olled the engine
and caressed it a little and gazed at it
admiringly. He clasps the threttle with
faith-in it. But he doesn’t jerk it, or
pull it recklessly. He presses it slightly,
some way, and the muscles in his arms
contract gently, and the steam hisses a
bit, and the great wheels start to turn.
ns gently as if a child were turning
them. They revolve a little faster, and
a little faster, and the train is under
full speed with never a jolt or jerk.
Well, that’s exactly the way we ought
to start the day. We ought not to ex
pect to get under fult speed at the
jump. There should be ne jolting, no
jerking. The wheels ought to move
slowly, gently, at the start, and we
ought to work ourselves to full pres
sure as gradually as the engineer gets
his train underway. Then we'll find &
smooth track and plenty of power and
we'll be able to bring the train into
the shed at night with never an injury:
to a passenger and the machinery in
good shape.
ENJOYED HER RIDE IN AUTO:
Kind-Hearted Mr. Jones, Giving Washe
erwoman a “Lif* Used Up His
Gasoline Unnecessarily. -
. o s % v
About three miles from his place of
‘business lives Mr. Jones, and he goes
back and forth every day in his auto
mobile. Now, Mr. Jones has a kind,
'xenero\u heart, and when he sees a
pedestrian trudging his way he will
often offer the man a “lift.”
One morning, shortly after leaving
home, he saw a large Irishwoman
struggling along with a huge bundle.
He stopped his car and said politely:
“Mayn’t I give you a lift, madam?”
“In that thing?” she said. “I never
rode in one in all my life.”
“Well, jump in,” he said; and when
she had climbed in and deposited the
bundle on the seat beside her, they
started on.
After he had covered a mile, Mr.
Jones became a little unessy; but he
‘kept on for mearly another mile, and
then turned and said: *“Where do you
want to go, madam?”
She gave him a broad smile and &
gracious nod of the head, and replied :
“Anywhere you wish; it makes no dif
ference to me,”
’ “But where were you going when I
took you in?"” asked Mr. Jones.
“Oh,” she said, “only to the next
house !”
And kind Mr. Jones had to turn back
and take her two miles to the “nex¢§
house.”—Youth's Companion,
LIABILITIES
Capital Stock.... $ 25,000.00
Surplus and Un
divided Profits. 29,890.77
DEPOSITS...... 222.060.24
$276,951.01