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the mercury. gnmlersvillp, Washington Comity, Ga. PUBLISHED BY A . J. JERNICAN, PHOPnlETOB AND PODLISIIEn. Subscription. .11.60 per Year. the mercury. Watches, Clocks AND JEWELRY ■ ■ -— A. J. JERNIGAN, Proprietor. DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, AGRICULTURE AND GENERAL INTELLIGENCE. $1.50 PER ANNUM. VOL. Jl. SANDERSVILLE, GA., JUNE 21, 1881. m. 12. REPAIRED BY JSBNIO AN FOSTOFFICE hours. 7:00 to 11:30 A. M. 1:30 to G:00 p. m. E. A. Sullivan, P. 61. Subscribe for the MERCURY Only $1.59 per annum. PUBLISHED nY JERNIGAN & SCARBOROUGH BUY YOUR Spectacles, Spectacles, FROM JERNICAN. None gi imino without our Trailo Mark. On hand and for sale, Spectacles, Nose Glasses, Etc Music! Music -GO TO- JERNIGAN —FOR - BOWS, STRINGS, ROSIN BOXES, & c Machine Needles, Oil and Shuttles FOR ALE KINDS OP MACHINES, for sale I will also ordor parts of Machines that got brokon, for wliich new piecos aro wantod. A. ,T. JERNIGAN, G. W. H. WHITAKER, dentist, 8ANDERBVILLE, GA. ‘Anils Cabii. t IITico at his Rosidonce, on Harris Street. April 3, 1880. B. 0. EVANS, Attorney at Law, SANDEH8VILLE, GA. April 3, 1880. DR. WM. RAWLINGS, Physician & Surgeon, BANDER8VILLE, GA. Oftico at SandorsvUlo Hotel. April 10, 1880. E. A. SULLIVAN, NOTARY PUBLIC. SANDERSVIIjLE, GA. livlne' 1 ' ll ^ on ^ on Bivon to the colloction ot Oflico in tho Court-house, 0. H. ROGERS, Attorney at Law, SandorsvUlo, Ga. ’’rompt attention given to nil businosa. liny.I northwest wing of Court-house. c. C. BROWN, Attorney at Law, SnndorsviUo, Ga. court!! 1 ’ l f n ” tioo . i *i bio State and United States — UI,1U0 lu Court-house. H. N. H0LLIFIEL0, ^ hysician and Surgeon, Sandorsvillo, Ga. -torn'on Uarri^atix-ot 0 MrS ‘ I!ayno ’ 8 millincr y OR. J. b. ROBERTS, ^ ^*°An and Surgeon, Sandorsvillo, Ga. i itr H ttho n M,!inL R T °u ffl P,°, ■ on Jaynes Street in thn^r'o ■ a r ' 1 ‘ s On ] \ w. to l n n? 1 I,or1 BO building, ^I'hoi rLTilii'A^StoS p. in.; „ .... „ ..- from 0 atlior hom-l’nt i’- mul !\ om 8 to 5 p. in.; during *'«m not pA'l 8 ™ 8 a °noo on dhurcli Street, April 3, iH^r 7 0n S a 8°d. THE MERCURY. PUBLISHED EVERY TUESDAY. NOTICE. *3-All communications intended for this pa per must bo accompanied with tho full namo oj tho writer, not nocossarily for publication, bnt as a guarantee of good faith. We are in no way responsible for the vtowa « indoions of oorrespondonte. If only mothors know, slio said, How hungry children aro for lovo, Above oacli virgin littlo bod A mothor’s lips would provo How swoot aro kissos that aro given Botweon a rosy mouth and hoaven. If only my mamma would kneel, As your dear mothor, every night, Hosido hor littlo girl, to fool If all tho wraps aro foldod tight. And hold my hands, her elbow fair Betwoen my eliooks and hor soft hair. And looking in my dreaming eyes As if slio saw some lovoly thing, And smiling in such fond surpriso On all my hopos of lifo that spring Like flowers beneath hor tender gaze, I could not stray in evil ways. I would not wound tho gentlo breast That hold mo warm within its fold; My mother’s love would still ho host, However Had, or plain, or old: And, ovon though tho world forsake, I’d lovo hor for her lovo’s denr sako. —Helen JUcU. ACANTHA’S COMEDY. R J!®, 1 i?* 1 ®? Steel DRILL POINTS. IL'V *ud inie * nd in,(efcd sf erimkng aiooi 1 aooii becoms n, r T ' t P on nourl *hnienl tnm the Mil. _ 9 «° r « Tigorouj, preduM belter derelMei —n rTii^JViliT .1 *\ ** dl ; »r Illustrated Paaemei j.a.jonks ( wilm«gtoh, 5il ther «” » h one T thTrd whfat| ft,,out * we ® k **«» I Writ, 0,nt8 - Toni told ma r, ? heat wherB 11 vu drilled held?!?Th?? he haa »««nred tome row., and 8th °ir olIytoV^* with y 0 °a f p V * tha k ^ Jfidcifeton > I) ^>ond Farm*.'' I«n, ?kJl, Polntl i ih.nwf, 1 ? ,h' r '.T 0 ’' wlim ’ »!>«• l drilled ' jen no f,vo,‘ tbo 0 '' , ,, - tlc ' I t*™ Ibem « Me ■'OSUCA CLAYTON, J»„ Ut. Fl.uuM, Del. m Undoubtedly Mr. Clabaugh ought to tiavo been wiser, after tiyonty-nino years’ knowledge of his nophow, than to have boon at all annoyed or impa tient bccauBo that nephew was lato to breakfast. But Mr. Clabaugh had im portant business on hand, and was oager to transact it. "Does Jasper think that I tele graphed to him to journey 500 miles to meet mo hero to-day without n motive ? Has tho hoy no curiosity?” muttered ho to himself, as ho slowly stirred his third cup of eoffoe. The long dining-room of tho Poagood hotel was quite doserted, savo by Mr. Clabaugh and one or two waiters, when Mr. Jasper Surridge ovontually made his oppooranco. “ I seem to bo a littlo late,” Jasper coolly remarked, after exchanging salu tations with his uncle; " I am sorry you waited.” " If you know why I desired to meet you here, what my business with you is, you would not wonder that I wait ed ! I think I was the first person to sit down to breakfast, and now the room is deserted." " So it appears—has quite tho air of a ' banquet hall deserted.’ But that is all the better for us if you are anxious to discuss business at once; there will bo no eavesdroppers.” "Quite true,” remarked Mr. Cla- baugh. "I think my nows will givo additional delicacy, even to those tender chops. You romember hearing me speak of that eccentric old Phillip Ed- liffo, for whom I havo nmdo so many wills?” “ Tho man who lived in Merton ?” “Yes, the same. Well, he is dead." "Who lias got his money and pro perty ? ono of the old maid cousins or a hospital ?” "Noithor. A person of whose exist ence I never heard until I made his last will; his only grandchild, Acantha Edliffo." “What an outlandish name! I thought ho was a bachelor—a mysogy- nist 1" "So did I, hut he was married in his young days, and had one son, Pablo, whom he drove from homo by his ill- temper and his miserly ways. This son also married and died, leaving one daughter, Acantha ; as this girl is his legal heir, none of tho many as pirants can even claim the property." “ Curious I But why telegraph for mo ?” “This girl is young, rich—and un married.” “Ah, I understand! I, too, am young and unmarried, but, alas! not rich. You think thero are possibilities for me ?” ‘ Certainly I do I You are good, looking—” “ I inherit my looks from my mother: the Clabaughs aro all presentablo.” “Nonsonse!” but tho uncle was flat tered. “You lmve always been very successful with women. But, by the way,” and Mr. Clabaugh’s tone changed from complacency to anxiety, “is there any entanglement between you and Lottie ?” “ Oh.no, nothing serious, only a flir tation. I have not committed myself.” “ That is lucky. It wouldn’t do, you know, for my nephew to be caught in anything dishonorable; it would injuro both of us.” “ Don’t you worry, uncle! I am too wide-awake to leap before I look. Lot tie is very sweet, and if she were old Ed'itie's heiress there would be some sense in my wooing her. However, she is almost as poor as I am, so that match will not be made. But about Miss Ed- liffe; is she—is she at all passable?” “ Of her looks I know nothing; but as she has been a teaolier in one of the board schools at Clarendon for tho last two years, she must have some sort of an education. Now my plan is that you start for Clarendon to-night—” "No, no, to-morrow. You forget that I have just come post-haste from Dublin. Do give a fellow time to breathe.” “ I presume a few hours’ delay will do no harm, so we will say to-morrow. Whet you reooh Clarendon look In the directory for the name of Edliffe—it not a common one—and mako Acantha acquaintance as well as you can. Here aro letters of introduction to three of my friends there, but don’t use them if you con help it; it will be better for you to tall in love with the girl without knowing who she is; then no ono can ever accuse you of having married her for her money. Do you understand ?” “ Oh, yes 1 But will not she, or some one, smoll a rat. My appearance in Clarendon just as she becomes an heir ess “ 8he will not know she is au heiress until I see fit to tell hor. I intend to givo you from one to three weeks’ start I am not well; my physician has or dered mo to tho mountains to recuper ate ; how rail I attend to business now?” "I see I I must mako hay beforo the sun shines. Miss Acantha will have first a lover, then n fortuno; which is rather reversing tho usual order things.” “ You aro serious, Jasper? You will really try to win this young lady?" “Inm soriouBly—very Boriously—in want of money, and as for trying to win this rural damsel (for Clarendon is hardly more than a village), well, I think I can do it,” answered Jasper Bur- ridge, complacently, as ho arose from tho table and sauntered out to tho hotel steps. Young Surridge had good grounds for his confidence in his own attractions. He was tall, handsome, graceful, nnd devoted to ladi<>s’ society ; could quote poetry or utter delicato compliments by tho hour ; and some of his half-onvious admirers declared that he had been stom enough to refuse two offers of mar riage from rich widows! When he made his appearance in church tho morning after his arrival in Clarendon, there was quite a flutter among not a few of the tender young hearts, and at least a score of bright eyes looked the question, “ Who is that lmndsomo man?” With his mind concentrated upon the unknown heiress, Jasper carefully sur veyed tho congregation, and sighed for some fairy to whisper to him: “ This is she.” Presently the organ pealed forth, nnd a clear, sweot, mezzo-soprano voice tang an anthem, "Como unto Mo all yo Hint labor.” Begardless of tho place, Surridge turned to his noxt neighbor, and wills' pored: “ Who is that charming singer.” “ Miss Edliffe," was the startling reply, Tho directory had already showed him llierowasbut ono family of that namo in tho town—"Mrs. Jnno Edliffo, 17 Willow street; Acuutha Edliffo, school teacher, 17 Willow street;" evidently Hi is was tho hoiross. “What does sho look like?” was his noxt thought. So ho turned round and took a good long look at the Bingcr; re suming iris montal conversation, he said “ Medium height, slender, dark eyes and hair, good complexion, decently though plainly dressed; she will do To mako sure that this was the per son I10 sought, he discreetly followed hor home, and when ho saw her-enter 17 Willow street, he was satisfied. He delivered one of his letters of introduc tion the next morning, and as soon as I10 could ho began to rave over the quisite voice, the most delightful voice," ho had heard iu tho church,and innocent ly asked tho stranger’s name; then, find ing that his new friend know her, he bogged him to present him to her. Chuckling at his good luck, he began to mako delicate but assiduous love to Miss Acantha, and was charmed to find that sho did not repulse him; on tli contrary, after a few days she seemed to give him some little encouragement— not boldly, however, but timidly and innocently. Mrs. Edliffe was not so cordial as he could have wished, but still she was not actually inimical, and thero was no one else to interfere—at least, no one of whom he knew anything. “Acantha Edliffe’s conduct is really disgusting I ” whispered the gossips within a week after Surridge’s arrival in Clarendon. "Beforo this stranger appeared she accepted Hubert Lutt rell’s attentions with avidity, but now she quite ignores him.” “Ho hasn’t been to Willow street since last Sunday,” responded another gossip, “while this Mr. Snrridge is thero every evening, takes Acantha out for a drive every afternoon and sends her books and flowers every morning.” “Well, he is rich (probably), and very stylish, while ‘poor Hubert is neither.” Acantha’s conduct in this matter caused plenty of talk; Luttrell himself was the only silent one. When some venturesome person tried to interview him on the subject he simply set his teeth together, and muttered, “ Fop! ” But foppery or not Surridge com pletely distanced Luttrell in two weeks. At the expiration of that period he might have been heard whispering to Acantha: “ Oh, my darling, if you knew how much I loved you, you would not be so coy; you would at least try to love me in return I ” Perhaps I may try," whispered ihe, hesitatingly ; but quickly added, Ward ing off a threatened embrace. “But how can I bo sure that you are true! You have known me so short a time !’’ “Fourteen long days! After all, what is time to those who love ? The moment I snw you I know that you, and you alone, must be my wife I” Which was tine, but not as he would have had Acantha understand it. “ You have loved before, of course—” " Never! never I I may have had my passing fancios, bnt you are the first lady whom I have wished to many.” “ But I am poor and insignificant.” “ Not the latter, my sweetheart. And as to poverty, do you suppose I care for that ? We will manage to live, I assure you." “ You know nothing of my family." “ Your mother, yon say, is youronly relative. I am sure sho would grace any station,” “ Dear mothor, I am sure she would ! If I should consent to—to trjr and like you, you must promise and not listen to any nonsonse about Mr. Luttrell. I did lovo him, really lovo him, I thought, until—until ——" " My darling I Your sweet confession has on tranced me I” “ No, no 1 I have confessed nothing I Givo me until to-morrow to think of it; and mamma’s consent must be gained.” Of course Surridge promised to do anything Acantha desired ; and when ho returned to his hotel that evening ho telegraphed to his uncle; “ Como at once. The fates are pro pitious.” Tho fates are proverbially occontric; so Surridge realized when, colling at 17 Willow street, lie was told that Acantha was too ill with nervous headache to see any ono. In tho meantime Mr. Clabaugh arrived and congratulated his nephew warmly on his success; but also in tho moantime, simultaneously with Mr. Clabaugh’s arrival, camo tho rumor of old Mr. Edliffe's death, and tho next morning it was announced in tho local newspapers, with tho addition: “This gontloman was unknown to our townsmen; nevertheless his largo for tune is to come to us, Miss Acantha Ediifl'c (teacher in Oak street grammar school) being his hoiross.” “ The fat is in tho fire now,” was Jas per’s savage exclamation when he read thoso lines. “ What possessed the girl to havo a headache last night!” “No matter. You are virtually accepted. You can still mako a good point. Show hor tho notice, and say that of course she will not want you now that she is rich; that you cannot submit to bo called mercenary; that will fetch her.” And so it did. Tho undo and nophow called to gether that morning, and after the former had told Aoantha of hor grand father’s bequest, the latter ruefully with drew his proposal. “Oh, Mr. Surridge, what a poor opinion yon must have of mo I Do you think that I would permit the wealth of the Indies to como between me and the man I love? No time woman over weighs love against money.” “ Miss Edliffe, you overwhelm mo! You are nobler—” stammered Jasper. “ Nobler than you aro V” said Acantha, sarcastically, with a sudden change iu voice and manner. " I might easily be that I Gentlemen,” continued she, slowly, opening the door that led into the hall, and laying her hand within the arm of Hubert Luttrell, who stood thero with a smile on his face, “ lot me present to you my husband, ho who loved me when I .was poor, and to whom I was married this morning !" The two plotters gasped and turned pale. Jasper was tho first to recover himself. Ho exclaimed: “ Miss Edliffo your conduct has been unwomanly 1 You encouraged me—” Why did I encourage you ?” she asked, quietly interrupting him. “ For your own good—to teach you a lesson. Mr. Surridge, your conduct has been most unmanly! You jilted Miss Lottie solely for my money; you would have married me with a lie on your lips! Ah, you both look surprised; you wonder who revealed your secret ? Mr. Clabaugh was my informant." “I was not,” Mr. Clabaugh retorted. “ Yes, you were. I was an unnoticed listener to part of your conversation at the Peagood hotel, and your dilatori ness, Mr. Surridge, gave me the ono day’s start needed to come home and instruct my mother and Hubert as to my plan. Perhaps you remember that the waiters at that hotel were all young ladies; several of us schoolteachers needed both money and change of ah’, so we engaged ourselves during the va cation as waiters at the Peagood hotel, and gained some money, plenty of exer cise, mountain air and a little fun. In addition, I gained material for a parlor comedy, in which you, Mr. Surridge, have admirably performed the part of first villain. Bing down the curtain.” A Story of Lifelong Devetloru The New York correspondent of the Boston Transcript tells this pathetic Btory: Eighty years ago there lived in tho village of Flatbush, which adjoins Brooklyn, a young fellow who had just begun life as a milkman. Early every morning he carried his burden of milk to the Brooklyn water side, rowed in his skiff across tho East river to the Fly Market slip in New York, and wont his rounds among the citizens who dwelt around the Battery. Two years later he married a girl of Ills own age. They were then just nineteen. He was a rough sort of a fellow, and ns years went on he was sometimes given to drink, as was not unusual in those days; but for her ho had had only kindness and affoction. So for seventy-six years they lived together. Two years ago the wife died at the ago of ninety-five. The husband was still vigorous in body, but his mind had weakened, and when his companion left him forever he could not soom to realize tho change. Ever since ho is continually oxpeoting hor to re turn from somo neighbor's house, or fancying that she is by his side. When evening comes he calls to his daugh ter, a woman far advauoed in years, and wunts to know where "mother" can be so late. " Bring me tho lantern,” he will say, " and I will go and find hor. She must be at ono of tho neighbors'.” In tho winter nights his daughter hears his voice, summoning her to tlie bed side. “ Margaret," ho will sny, “ I am afraid mothor’s oold. Put somo more clothes on her." And the daughter finds that the old man has thrown the bedclothes from off his own body to where he fancios his oompanion of many years is lying. • So wo see how, when the mind is wandering, the heart keeps true to its early lovo. Is not this as pathetic in its simple way as Carlyle’s mourning for his dead wife: "Wao’s mol wao’smel My Jeannie! Oh, my bonny little Jcannio!” WOMAN’S COLUMN. The American Baptist Homo Mis sionary society reports receipts for the financial year just closed of $235,032, an increase of $89,680. The indebted ness, however, is greater than last year by $11,581, the total being nearly $30,- 0O0. Debilitat'd Digestion. In tho "Memoirs of Count Sogur” thero is tho following anecdote: "My mothor, the ConntosB do Sogur, being asked by Voltaire respecting hor health told him that tho most painful fooling bIio had arose from tho decay of hor stomach and tho difficulty of finding any kind of ailment that it could bear. Voltaire, by way of consolation, assured hor that he was once for nearly a year in tho same state, and beliovod to bo in curable, but that, nevertheless, a very mplo remedy had restored him. It consisted in taking no other nourish ment than yolks of eggs beaten up with the flour of potatoes and water.” Though this circumstanco took place as far back as fifty years ago, and rospocted so ex traordinary a porson as Voltaire, it is astonishing how littlo is known, and how rarely tho remedy has boon prac ticed. Its efficacy, however, in cases of debility cannot be questioned, and the following is tho mode of preparing this valuable article of food, as recommended by Sir John Sinclair: “ Beat up an egg in a bowl, and then add six tablospooufuls of cold water, mixing the whole well together; then add two tablospooufuls of farina of pota toes; let it bo mixed thoroughly with tho liquor in tho bowl. Then pour in as much boiling water as will convert the whole into a jelly, and mix it well. It may be taken alone or with the addi tion of a little milk, in cose of stomachic debility or consumptive disorders. This dish is light and easily digested, ex tremely wholesome and nourishing Bread or biscuit may be taken witli it as the stomach gets stronger.” The Danger of Electric Lights. At a recent meeting of the New York board of fire insurance underwriters, the danger arising from the use of electric lights came up for discussion. Tho matter had been investigated on account of an accident a short time ago in a jewelry storo in Maiden lane. A telephone is in this store, and the other day when a man was on the roof run ning an electric-light wire across, it came in contact with the telephone wires, and a flash passed down to the telephone-box, melting the annunciato and burning the box. The shock loosened a considerable extent o plastering. City Electrician Smith said that the shock must have been very powerful, and had any one been at the telephone he might have been killed, or if the flame hail passed near light goods there might havo been a conflagration. Superintendent Har rison, of the New York board of fire insurance underwriters, said that the board would ask the proper authorities to see that the electric wires were prop erly insulated. Owing to the rapid in troduction of the electric light and the many new wires that were being run over city houses, the danger, he said, was constantly increasing. In the mean time buildings using the electrio light would be rated as “ specially hazardous ” unless the insulation of the wires was approved. In 1870 the United States had 19,943,- 893 acres in wheat, while in 1880 it had 36,037,050 acres in that crop. News nnd Notes for Women. Yoting ladies in London now cany canes. It is said that there are 23,000 femi nine farmers in Great Britain. Miss Lelia Robinson, ot Boston, is the first woman to claim the right to prac tice law in Massachusetts. Mrs. Lincoln, the widow of the ex- President, is at present in Illinois, but will shortly return to Pan, France. Tho French chamber of deputies has refused to limit women’s labor in fnc tories to oleven hours a day, unless tho women are under eighteen years of ago. Tho empress of Austria recently sent to a reporter a dressing-case embossed in silver, as a mark of her pleasure at his account of some of her exploits in tho field. Two men, who lmd married sisters, left Montreal for Australia seventeen yoars ngo, oue on tho day of his marriage. Tho two wives are still waiting for their return, refusing all new attachments, but never [have hoard from their hus bands. Tho Amerioan Florenoo Nightingale, Miss Clara Barton, is a plain, sweet faced elderly lady, who drosses in rich but quiot taste, and wears at hor throat an cnamoled pin borring tlio scarlet device of the Society of tho Genova Cross, of which order sho was an active member during tho Franco-Prussinn waf. As tho advisor of tho Grand Duchess Mario, of Badon, sho did much toward establishing the system of hos pitals instituted by that princess. A Parisian journalist, deBoribing ox Queen Isabella II. of Spain, says that slio is fat, fair, fifty and frolicsome, and is rich despite her lavish expenditures. But she lias grown wise with age,‘and will not allow herself to bo cheated; sho also is determined to have tho full worth of her money. Somo yoars ago she contracted with a confectioner, who agreed to foed iior and hor household at a fixed price per diom. For liorsolf and tho ladies and gontlomon of hor household the price wns twelve francs a day; for the servants, four. Vnahlon Notes. Violet is one of the most fashionable colors, particularly in summer plush. A great deal of imitation laco, as a rule, entors into tho composition of all diaphanous toilets. Satin pipings and other satin trim mings are introduced in black grenadine costumes with fine effect. It is necessary to make tho waists of colorod mnslins and batisto double in order that thoir tint may match that of the skirt. Evening drossos of tho now light green are tnmmod with lilicB of tho valley. Almond and palo gray oheose clothe will again bo fashionable for morning dresses. They are trimmed with many rows of knife-plaited ruilles around the foot of tho skirt, and tho long Greek overdress is draped in flowery folds and adorned with Polanza lace and bows and ends of bright satin ribbon. Roman sandals and dolicatoly em broidered silk stockings in all the now pale shades of color are the fashionable foot dressing with summer toilets. Cutting Up a Horse. In France when a horse has reached the age of twenty or thirty it is des tined for a chemical factory. It is first relieved of its hair, which serves to stuff cushions and saddles. Then it is slaughtered and skinned. The hoofs servo to make combs. Next the car cass is placed in a cylinder and cooked by steam at a pressure of three at mospheres; a cock is opened, which allows the grease to run off; then the remains aro cut up, the leg bones are sold to make knife handles, etc., and the coarser, the ribs, tho head, etc., are converted into animal black glue. The first are calcined iu cylinders, and the vapors, when condensed, form the chief source of carbonate of ammonia, which constitutes the base of nearly all am- moniacal salts. Thero is an animal oil yielded which makes a capital insecti cide and a vermifrge To make glue the bones are dissolved in muriatic acid, which takes away the phosphate of lime; the soft residue, retaining the shape of the bone, is dissolved in boil ing water, cast into squares and dried on nets. Tho phosphate of lime, acted upon by sulphuric acid and calcined with carbon, produces phosphorous for lucifer matches. The remaining flesh is distilled to obtain the carbonate of ammonia; the resulting mass is pound ed up with potash, then mixed up with old nails and old iron of every descrip tion; the whole is calcined and mag nificent yellow orystal—prussate of potash, with which tissues are dyed a Prussian blue, and iron transferred into steel; it also forms the basis of cyanide of potassium and prussic acid, the most terrible poisons known in chemistry. FUN. " Sweets to the sweet,” said the funny young man, as he handed the waitef girl a faded bouquet. “ Beets to the beat,” returned the girl, ns she pushed him a plate of tho vegetables. We know a lady who never hurriea her dressmaker. Sho waits until all the neighbors get through with her. This lady, by tho way, is the bt st posted on village news ot any person in town. The New York Commercial man,speak ing from sad experience, says: “ A man should do all his romance a id love- making beforo tLo rheumatism sets in.” Yes, ho will be ablo to get out of the old man’s way more expeditiously. " What Utah Wants” is tlie title of a pamphlet just issued. Judging from tho size of Utah families, it is an inquiry into the best means of reducing mil linery bills, and prohibiting the wearing of spring bonnets.— Oil City Derrick. "Thoro’s my hand I” ho exclaimed, in a moment ot courage and candor, " and my heart is in it.” She glanced at the empty palm extended toward her, and wickedly ropliod: " Just as I supposed; you’ve got no heart.”—Brooklyn Eagle. In England rivers all are males, For iuetAnco, Father Thames, Whoever to Columbia sails Find tlutm tna’amsellos, or damns. Yos, tlioro tho softer sax presides Aquatic, I assure ye, And Sirs. Hippi rollB hor tided Responsive to Miss Houri I Teacher—"If your father should give you ten cents a week for ten weeks, how much money would you havo at the end of that time ?” Boy—" I shouldn’t hav* nothing. If marm didn't borrow it, I’d or spent it all for a pistol and a box o’ caps and a quarter o’ a pound o’ powder." about to change owners. An umbrella carried over a woman, the man getting nothing bnt the drippings of the rain, signifies courtship. When the man has tho umbrella and tho woman the drip pings it indicates marriage. To carry it nt right angles under your arm signi fies tlmt an eye is to be lost by the man that follows you. To put a cotton um brella by tho sido of a silk ono signifies " exchango is no robbery.” To lend an umbrella indientos “I am n fool." To carry open an umbrella, just high enough to tear out mon’s eyeH and knock offmen’shats,signifies "lam awornan.” —Boston Transcidpt. Wadding Cuitomi of thw Towkam. In Central Amoriea is a country call od Towka; and without doubt tho Tow kans, whatevor else they may be, are tho jolliest people in the world at» wedding. They appear to be such an ignorant raco ns to be unable to keep record of thoir childron’s ages, except in n manner somewhat similar to that adopted by Robinson Crusoe with his notched post for un almanac. Tho Towkans, however, do not notch then- children. They hang round their necks at birth a string with ono bend on, and at tho expiration of a year they add an other bead, nnd so on, the main object being seemingly thnt there may be no mistake when they arrive at s. marriage able age. When a girl numbers fifteen beads sho is marriageable; bnt the young man must possess a necklace of twenty before be is reckoned capable of faking on himself so serious a respon sibility. But the wedding feast is the thing. The invited guests assemble on what answers to our common, or village green, and sot in their midst is a canoe, the property of the bridegroom, brimming with palm wine, sweetened with honey, and thickened with crushed plantains. The drinking-cups are calabashes, which are set floating in the fragrant liquor; and, seated round it, the company fall to, a mark of politeness being to drink out of as many calabashes that have been drunk out of by somebody else as possible. It should be mentioned to the Towkan’s credit, however, that his bride is not present at this tremendous drinking bout or rather, boat. She re mains in her parents’ hut and when her intended has finished with the cala bashes, he takes his whistle of bamboo and his “ tom-tom,” the latter of which is a hallow little log tied over at each end with bits of leather, and, seating himself at the door of the dwelling of his parents-in-law in prospective, com mences to bang and toot sweet music, until the heart of the tender creature within is softened and they let him in. In this country the average weight of men is 1411-2 pounds, of women 1241*2 pounds. Sign of an approaching proposal: Mother,” remarked a Duluth girl, “I think Harry must be going to propose to me.” “Why so, my daughter?” queried the old lady, laying down her spectaoles, while her face beamed like tho moon in its fourteenth night. " Well, ho asked me this evening if I wasn’t tired of living with such a mena gerie as you and dad?”—Brooklyn Eagle. M Umbrella Flirtation: To place your umbrella in a rack indicates that it io A Minnesota paper says that a young man in Wright county, that State, had a tooth drawn some days since, and, upon the cavity being filled to prevent the flow of blood, he commenced bleed' ng at the nose and mouth, and con- tniued to do so until he bled to death. i