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o. c BROWN,
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MUSIC, MUSIC
JERNIGAN
THE MAJOR'S MISTAKE,
1 Dash it, I'll Bare her life I" said the me'
jor, suddenly, as he laid a white lather on
that tract of chin which was still sacred
from the incursions of his luxuriant beard.
Ai he spoke he wounded himself with his
raior, so aa to compel a resort to a towel
and cold sponging, which put an end to hi«
reflections fora time.
Major Majoribanks was an active, cleanly
built man, rather below the average height.
Be had an eye like a hawk’s, beautiful hair
and whiskers, hut no other striking featme
Ilia hands and feet were small and finely
formed, and a lmt front iooth had been sup
plied by the hand of art.
The great feature of the major's charaoter
was determination. When she said a thing
he meant it.
Zerlina, his vicious little mare, knew it
was useless to try and refuse if once her
master put her head straight for an obsta
cle.
He would quietly "ride for a fall," jt the
leap were impracticable without one; and
no one knew better how to fall deftly than
the major.
But life spent in a series of pitched bat
tles does not pass without leaving marks of
wear and tear, and the major, after hie third
bottle of hair dye, began to take very serious
views of life. Short'and decisi’o were his
ruminations, and with characteristic prompt
ness he determined on marriage as his next
achievement. For this purpose he selected
young lady of remarkable wealth and
considerable personal attractions, and de
voted himself to the aacriuce like a second
Iphigenia—barring the sex.
Perhaps it was the very difficulty of the
achievement that impelled the major to the
attack. Dianna Hartford had already re
fused two baronets, a banker and four minor
deities, and still continued to ride across
the country with as much enthusiasm as if
her whole life was to be devoted to that oc
cupation.
Peoplt began to say that she never would
marry.
“The right man has not spoken," was the
general opinion]; and the major, as he
gnawed his mustaohe, with an inward oath,
resolved that he would prove himself that
man or peirsh in the attempt.
Not that the major was wholly devoid of
that unpractical machine called a heart
Down in a country village lived a little lady
of twenty, who could have told strange tales
of the major’s sentimentality. Oh, major I
were not all your flocks and here* sufficient
that you must make this innoceit ewelamb
a captive to your bow and spearT
But let us do the major justicr. In this
matter he was not altogether a tree agent.
From the moment he met Eva ’ioseneath
he had felt himself faciuatedby hir, in spite
of all hie attempts to persuade limself to
the contrary. That a quiet, almist timid
little provincial beauty, with a geieral un-
sophiiticatedness of tone and nanner,
should have had any power to enchrnt the
hero of a thousad tight* waB to him oo ri
diculoua an idea to bo entertained fo:a mo
ment. It did not occur to him that t was
perhaps this very difference from the vomen
he
Bows, Strings,
Rosin Boxes, Etc-
Machine Needles,
Oil and Shuttles,
fon ALL KINDS OF MACHINFH, for ante.
1 will *l.o order part* of Machine*
th»t get broken, for which new
pieces aro wanted.
a. a. jebnigan.
Such is ths encouragement given to flat'
t«ry, in the present times, that it is made to
•it in the parlor, while honesty is turned out
of door*. Flattery ie never *o agreeable as
to our blind side; commend a fool for hi*
*it Of>a knave for his honesty, and they will
receive you into their bosem.—Fielding.
.Socrates called beauty a short lived tyran
6 T; Plato, a privilege of nature; Theopb
tsitue, asileatoheat; Theocritut, a dalight-
o' prejudice; Carneades, a solitary kiog-
ota ; Domitian said that nothing was more
l r »teful Ariitotle affirmed that beauty was
.'tier then all the letters of recoin menda
u °o in the world; Hower, that it was _
Boricu. gift G f nature, and Ovid, alluding
0 l ®, it a favor bestowed by the gods
" Ff0 » the Italian.
who through hlany changes to which
every dif e ; 8 cultivates the power
J^apting hime.lfto those changes, ar.d also
,?' 10 new 8et of circumstancaa resulting
'■erefrom, ‘ possesses a magic taliaman
gainst “11 the vicissitudes of life. So our
I'es no of ; ; river ends, we do not know
Whet# - »» in. fcs begin*.
Ihi- bi.u dump gpeaker-
“D. Now \ .rk Journal.
-a one-legged
Anger i t like rain, it breake itself upon
Ut °n which it falls,—Pope.
had been accustomed to flirt with that
constituted her charm.
Reviewing the matter that morniug ii the
solitude of his chamber, the major looted
back on this love passage with a thanlful
‘sense of telief. "I was aery near makin| a
fool of myself that time,]’ said he to hiu
self.
But though the mqor congratulated him
self on being so safely off with the old lovq
he was far from feeling so comfortable will
regard to his prospects with the pew. Mia
Hertford’s heart seemed to be impregnabh
even to this experienced beseiger. Th,
mi'jor, who never committed the etror 01
overrating his advantages, confessed to
himself that he had done all he knew. He
had attacked the fortress with all the par
aphernalia of sapping and miuing, zigzags
and parallels, and still the flag of liberty
floated mockingly above the unconquered
bastions to the disgust of the bravest of offi
cers. There was but on) hope— n forlorn
hope, he confessed to himself—and it was
with a serious, though determined spirit
that the major resolved on an attack by
storm. He pronounced this resolution in
the memorable words which commence this
Btory.
“Dash it I" said the major. "I'll save
her life."
Perhaps, bad tho major known who that
had arrived as a guest to Miss Harford on
the previous evening, it might have disturb
ed his calculations. But there is no reason
why we should not listen to the conversa
tion of Diana and her guest as they sat be
fore the bed room fire.
Miss Harford was ajgirl of considerable in.
dividuality of character. Without affecting
any of the airs ol a “ blue” or an eccentric,
she generally thought for heeself on many
subjects, and would state her opinions prtt
ty strongly on accasion. Tois caused her
to be regarded with suspicion and dislike
by most of her own sex, and the weaker of
ours. She was unsually—prudes suid ims
properly—well read iu the drama of the
last centuiy, and actually preferred ths
school of Sheridan to that of Schneider.
"What have I been doing lately ?" said
she, in answer to a question from her com
panion. “What am I always doing? I
have danced the usual proportion of dances,
round and square, I have read the last new
novel, and tried the last milk-and-water
effusion they call a ballad; and I have rid
den over the usual number of plough fields,
What more would you have of a woman in
my position ?"
"What 0. queer girl you are, Di," says the
other lady wistfully. "I alwuyu wid you
would never Ind any Ban to suit you exact
ly.”
"That is just what I’m wanting, my dear
—a man. I see plenty of amateur jockeys
and polite letter writers. What I want is a
man—one that is not ashamed to be natur
al, or afraid to be earnest. I really think
onr average dandy, with his cool self suffi
ciency and his insulting indifference, the
most unpleasant production of the age.
There's the major, now—"
"Who is that 7"
"Major Majoribanks, my dear; the glory
of his regiment and the idol of all the horse
dealers, amateur actors and fast young men
for a circle of twenty miles. Why, Eva,
you’re blushing! Yon don’t mean to. say
you know the man ?"
"I met him—that is—he is a frieo
my brother's," said the lady, with acme
hesitation.
“And you've been foolish enough to be
lieve all bis nonsense, child, I dare say.
Come, now?"
“Well, he certainly is qn extraordinary
man," pleaded Eva.
"Oh, yes, very. He oan ride a kicker or
write a burlesque, but as for a heart, why,
my dear child, he'd toss you aside, if it suit
ed his purpose, with as mueh id difference
as I toss that withered camelia. Non don’t
yon waste a thought on him, I don't intend
to, thongh the wretched man has been mak
ing love to me in his quiet way ever since
he came. I am afraid everyday he will pro
pose, and I shall have the trouble of refus
ing him without losing ray temper."
"But I can't help it," said Eva, faintly
"Oh' yes, you can. You thought you
couldn’t, down in that dull place, with noth
ing else to think about,but you'Ilho under diff
ereut treatment here, I can assure you.
Plenty of exercise and excitement will soon
cure you. I'll tell you what—as a great
treat to-mortow you shall ride Crusader.
We will take a quiet canter along the lanes."
" Oh, but I cin’t rids strange horses," said
Eva. " You’ll soon get acquainted. Mind,
I conoider this a great favor, and you
mustn’t hurt my feelings by refusing. One
of my habits will fit you uioely, and when
jou return you will have spirit enough to
d»fy twenty majors."
" You are a darliug girl," said Eva, get
ting up and kissing her.
“ I'm afraid you're in a minority, my dear,"
Said Diana. " Most people say I am very
disagreeable. Good night, and don't
dream of the major.” And the pair partei
for the night.
The next day was oue of those mild,
haay November ones, which break out into
a glimpse of sunshine at noon, and then
return to their former dull mistiness, The
two girls rode along between the hedge,
rows chatting pleasantly.
I'm sure I shall never be ablo to manage
this animal," said Eva,timidly. " See how
be tosses his head about.”
" That is because you et him feel the curb,
dear. I had it put up sharp on purpose.
Have power of punishment, but seldom use
it, that is the real secret of managing
horses, dogs and men. There now; you Bee
he goes quietly enough on the snaffle.
Now coax him a little, and give and take
more; remember he isn't a phlegmatic don
key with a mouth like a deal board,"
" Weell, I must say I prefer quiet horses;
one feels so much more at easa."
" Pshaw, my dear: I wouldn't give a
guinea (or a horBe that any one could ride,
that took no more notice of a steam-engine
than of a hay-stack. They have just the
same dead level of indifference that is the
ideal excellence of the young man of
period, who -hears with equal apathy of a
railroad accident or a revolution.”
" Well, I suppose they only follow the
fashion, as in their clothes,
" But what an age it must be that makes
a dead calm its acme of good style, and
substitutes Jack Poynts for Ranger or
Charles Surface.”
" Good heavens, Di, you don’t mean to
say you read those horrrid old plays?
Mamma would not let me study such things
o? any account.''
‘ Nonsense! As if they could be worse
than the French plays one sees now, or
hall a dc-sen English ones I could name,
At least, I enjoy ths male characters more
than in ours. They were infinitely more
sparkling, and I don't believe they were a
bit mors wicked at bottom."
" Ah, Di, I’m afraid you will never get
married at this rate."
“ No, deir. As some out says of Morris,
I shall die the serene martyr of a mean and
melancholy time.,,
"You must have he'd plenty of offers?’
“Oh, dozen* I all oouched in the condes
cending brevity with which the chevalier of
the day designs to express his wishes. Now
jus: contrast the company we have been
talking about. Workship commences by a
shower of more or less readable verses
which you have the option of committing
to the flames, You casually drop your
handkerchief or glove down a precipice,
and ycur adorer throws himself after it and
restores it at the risk of lua life. After a
while he throws himself on his knees—both
knees, mind—and beg* you to. save him
from destruction. Yon relent; on leaving you
he meets his rival; a glance is enough;
swords flash out, and woe to him who flinch-
said
"Horrible!'' said Eva.
"Will this suit you better? Strephon
strolls lazily into the room; remarks on the
weather; allows himself to recline in a seat
by your side and suggest that you should
become Mrs. Strephon. He meets his rival;
treads on his toes; they exchange abusive
epithets, light cigars, nnd—oh, pathos I—
cut each other at the club.”
"Well, that is better than, fighting,
Evr,
"And iufinitely enter. Well, my dear,
perhaps after all you are right. We mustn't
take our idea of the class from Sir Harry
Wildair—there's a daring name for you.
They only show what was considered the
thing. -1 dare say I am getting fearfully
crabbed. You see when a girl has money
she is the centre of a circle of deception.
Let's change the subject. How well that
habit fits you?"
"It feels rather strange. You see 1 so
seldom ride at home."
"Ah, of courseT Now to me a habit is
second nature, as some one says. I feel
infinitely more comfortable in one than in
a low dress. I purposely lent yon my regu
lar riding hat, for I wanted to see how I
should feel in this new-fangled affair. I am
afraid it wouldn't suit crashing through a
bullfinch; one wants something stiffer for
that. What’s that?" she cried, as an inds-
tinct sound came down the wind, and both
horses pricked up their ears. ' The hounds,
they must have come all the way from
Marford. I'd give anything to be with
them, Eva," said Diana, in a tremor of ex-
citement.
"Then go, doar," said Eva, with an effort
at self-sacrifice that was enormous. “I
shall be quite safe. Withers will take care
of me."
"Well, he's just down in the road there.
Keep alongit, and you'll just cross the line
they are taking. I really must—come,
Terry;” and away went Diana, habit toss
ing, and eyes glistening, and vanished in-
gloriously.
Eva turned her horse's head back toward
the gate of the field they had turned into,
and got safely out into the road. Some dis
tance down it she could see. Withers, the
groom, who was having a little difficulty
with his horse, which was plunging and
curveting in a diagonal position, as is the
manner of eager horses, performing an
equine balanbe step without advancing par
ticularly. On Crusader catching sight of
his companion in ill-doing, he proceeded
to imitate his actions with a considerable
amount of exaggeration. Eva, finding'him
bursting into a canter, attempted to take
up the cub-rein, but she only succeeded in
getting both in an inextricable confusion.
Then she clung in terror to them with both
hands, on which the irritable Crusader
fought himself into a confused eanter,
which developed itself into a very smart
gallop, dashed past the astonished Withers,
aud stampeded.
Oar friend the major had been riding a
line of his own for a short distal ce, and
was separated from the rest of the fields by
the breadth of a pasture, when he heard the
repeated rattle of a horse going at full gallop
in the road at the othor side of tho high
hedge parallel to which he was riding, and
in another moment he saw though the twigs
the horie he had in vain looked for at the
meet tear past him at a mad speed, the
blue habit streaming back as the wearer
swayed in the saddle, holding the bridle
in both her bauds with the convulsive grasp
of fear.
"Run away, by Jove I” said tho major,
turning Zerlina’a bead without the least
hesitation at the quickset. Two or three
intense strides—a rise, and a crash of twigs,
a rattle of horse hoofs as they patter on the
hard road, as Zerlina just manages to save
her knees and nose from damage by a clever
recovery, and then the major, as cool as if
he had been hopping over a gutter instead
of one of the ugliest drops iu hie experience,
Bet her going in pursuit.
About a half a mile from the place where
this stern chase commenced, where the
roac was crossed by another at right angles,
stood an inn called the Cross Keys. The
major knew this, and also that on the other
side of it the road dripped down into a
rather steep hill. He had got np some
twenty yards nearer when the inn appeared
in eight, and keeping on the turf at the side
of the road that the noise of his approach
might not add fresh speed to the runaway,
he called on Zerlina smartly for a decisive
effort.
In front of the Cross Keys there wa§
triangu'ar patch of sodden turf, and as
Crusader came upon this he slackened his
speed very slightly; the major dashed along
side — seized the reins near the bit in
his right hand, the hone, which was not a
vicious one' stopping after a few smuggles,
a* he felt the power at work on the curb,
and the lady, falling forward in a heap on
his neck,would have tumbled to the earth
had not the ever ready major leaped from
his saddle and esught her in his arms. It
would have made a capital picture—the
two horses standing steaming and planting,
and the major straggering under the weight
of the unconscious damsel, whose chin
hung over his shoulder, while her hair, re
leased from its bonds in her wild fight,
streamed down his scarlet ooated black.
With some difficulty he carried bis lovely
burden in to the proach of the Cross
Keys.
" Show me a private room and get me a
glass of brandy!" where the orders with
which he stopped tne mouth of the land
lady.
" Lai poor dear young lady!" said that
female, in a voice of sympathy, as she
bought the restorer. “ Can I do anything
for her, sir?"
" No, I think not," said the major.
"Leave her to me. I've kad some ex
perience in cases of this kind, and thrust*
ing a half crown into the waman’s hand
he shut the door in her face.
"Well, how she could ha' married hel"
said the woman to herself as she returned
to the bar. She evidently thought from
the major's want of sympathy that he must
be the husband of th* sufferer.
The evening gloom waa fast eloaing in,
nnd made the little back pnrlor lo'k more
and more dismal nnd dingy. The major
raised the clinging veil sufficiently to thrust
the glass between the lips of the patient.
Prosently the color came back to her face,
she drew a long, gasping breath and felt
for her pocket handke ehief, It was in the
pocket of her saddle. The major placed
his snowy cambric in her hands. Then
she overflowed.
The major waited a little. Then he
ventured to take the hand that was not oc
cupied with hia hand-kerchief, and said in
a tone of respeeful tenderness.—
"Pray don’t give way so. You’re quite
safe now, I assure you." Sob, sob. "If
you knew how every sob you utter rends
my"—"vital's," the major was going to say,
then he thought of breast, and finally sub
stituted "heart—you would not keep on so."
Sob, sob. "You don’t know bow I have
hoped, have longed for a moment like this
to hold yonr hand in mine, to feel that we
are alone together, that you do not repulse
me, that I am permitted "—kisses her hand
—"that you do not forbid me"—sob, sob,
■ob.
"When will she stop ?" thought the major.
"You do not answer me: speak to me, or
hear me while I tell you what I have wished
to say for long days past, Miss Hartford—
Dianna, I love you I That was deucedly
well put,” thought the major.
"Sir I” said the lady, suddenly becoming
electrified into a sitting postare.
"Eva—Miss Roseneaihl"
“Yes, Major Majoribanks, Miss Rose-
neath, Ob, take me home, take me home,
and never dare lo call me Eva again I"
"The—de-vil I" said the major, slowly,
beneath hia mustache.
"You might have been satisfied with ma
king a fool of a poor silly girl without in
sulting her afterwards. Oh, how could you
be so c—c—cruel ?”
"1 say, Eva, listen a moment; don’t talk
like that. You don't suppose I meant to
hurt your feelings ? Hang it, I ain’t such a
cad aa all that oomet to. I didn't know it
was you. I took you for—"
"Oh, yes, I know; you took me for Miss
Harford., Dear Di I she told me you had
been making love to her since you came.
But I thought you had only been fl—fl—
flirting,” said poor Eva, going off again.
"Did she tell you that?" said the major,
seemingly vexed.
"Yet and she said you were a conceited
man, and she was afraid every day you'd
propose, and she would hare the pleasure
of refusing you. I did not tell her all that
you said to me down at Rosewood. Silly
that I was, ever to believ* in a maior."
Did pique and chagrin at the intelligence
that he had just receivedjnromptthe majors
next impulse? Or did his Letter angel
whisper to him that a dinner of herbs with
this little woman who rual'y loved him, and
for whom he was conscious of a feeling as
nearly skin to that passion as he was capa
ble of experiencing, would be better than a
more splendid repast with her to whom he
was indifferent ? Bitterly would he have
derided such an idea from another; bitterly
that morning would ho have laughed at the
thought of hia present conduct. But few
men act up to their principles; aud it was
with a ring of genuine teeling in his voice
that he sat down by the girl's side and said
—but we will not write his words; they
were greatly devoid of that artless fluency
that generally characterised his utterances
to the fair sex, but to Eva they sounded like
flowing honey.
"And you really will—and you're not sor
ry for what has happened ?"
"Well,” said the major, looking down into
her eyes which gaaed up through tears, glis
tening with mingled light and teardrops,
"perhaps it was not such an unfortunate
mistake after all.”
Would you be sui prised to hear that the
m*jor makes a capital husband ? He lives
in an atmosphere of rpuds and steam
ploughs, cattle and country magistracy, and
when on some summer's eve he lies upon
his lawn and sees hi* young barbarians at
play, he really does not look unhappy.
Sometimes a yonng lady who is getting old
er comes to see MrJ. Majoribanks and the
children. She it .is who has given Fred
his pony and Maurice bis terrier. She is
still unmarried end intends to continue so
"And yet I alwsys thought you would
marry at some time or other,” says Eva to
her visitor, us the major passes the window
"And I know some one who thought so too
"Ah, my dear, that was the major’s mis
take," Dianna says, with a comical curl o<
the lip
Httmorlng the Pnblio.
Number 21.
The Etiquette of Courts.
■ntsiwd as essond-elam rnattav at tto tea
dtrsvlll* PostofUoa, April V, IMA
Sandcrsvllle, Washing toe Ceuetf, fla.
A.. J. JERNIGAN,
PsorntnoB abb Pmiaisn
Subscription..
TLe failure of a big Chicago lard houae
the other week brought out the information
that Chicago la.'d was composed of tallow,
cotton reed oil, old butter and anything else
at hand when th* kettles were hot. A
Michigan retail grocer who was loaded np
discovered that all his customers avoided
his lard. All of a sndden his tin pails
disappeared and he exhibited tidy little
places, which went eff like
hot-cakes.
“ Had to return that Chicago stuff, eh?”
was asked half a hundred times per day.
“ Yes; people wonldn.t touch it.
| “ And this is—yes—all well, this is real
oldfashion lard and no mistake. Send me
up a crock this afternoon. Landsl but
that smells of the farm-house, and carries
me back to hog killing daysl”
It was Chicago lard taken from pails
and put into orosks and the price raised
two cents per pound, bat the grocer who
does a successful business most humor ths
public.
An old custom of the Spanish Court re
quires that[when a baby is born in the royal-
family, it shat) be officially announced that
‘‘vigorous" infant has come into the world.
The queen of Spain having become the
mother of a sickly child which lived only
wo hours, the Court Journal chronicled the
birth and death in the usual way: "Her
Majesty was delivered at three o'clock of a
vigorous infant, who died at five." The
Epoca of Madrid lately reported that the
town conncil of Seville, having had an in
terview with Alfonso XII, "kissed the feet
of His Majesty and withdrew,” It is not to
be supposed that the councillors actually
went doom on all-fonrs and kissed the king's
boots as if he were the Pope; but etiquette
demanded’that they should be said to have
done so, because a town council docs not
stand on the same level of dignity aa the
Cortes, whose members are supposed to kiss
hands when they take leave. The three let
ters B. 8. P. (beto suijiiet), which mean,
I kiss your feet,” are still used by gentle
men of Spain when signing letters addressed
to ladies, and subjects to their king. The
letter! B. 8 M. (beto tus manot), which are
used by men writing to men, nnd by Indies to
Indies, would seem too cavalier from a gen
tleman to a lady, and downright impertin
ence from a subject to hia sovereign.
One of the chief reasons of the Dnke
f Aosta's unpopularity during the brief reign
which he closed with a voluntary abdication
was, that he would take no pains to study
the complicated etiquette of the Escurial,
but sought to introduce simple manners in
country where even beggars drape them*.
selves proudly in their tattered niantlei and
address one another as "Senor Caballero."
He one day told a muleteer, with whom he
had stopped to talk on a country road under
a broiling sun, to put on his hat; forgetting
that by the fact of ordering a subject to cov
er himself in the royal presence, he created
him a Grandee. Marshal Prim, who was
standing by, hastily knocked the muleteer'i
head-dress out of his hand, and set his foot
upon it, at the seme time offering the man
some gold; but the muleteer, who was mor
tal 1/ offsnded, spurned the money; and i
few days later, when Prim was aisassinated,
a rumor was circulated among the people—
but without tintb, it seems—that the morti'
fied individual who bad narrowly missed
becoming a Grandee was an accessory to
the crime.
On another occasion, King Amadeo in
considerately addressed • groom of hie in
the second person singular as tu. Happily,
the man was an Italian; for, as a court
chrmucrlain represented to His Majesty, a
Spaniard spoken to with this familiarity
might have claimed that the monarch had
dubbed him cousin—that is, had etnobled
him. Another thing which the much-worried
Italian Prince had to leurn was that a Span
ish king must nol sigu any letter to a sub
ject with any friendly or complimentary
formula, but must simply write: Yo El
Rey ("I the King").
Etiquette is the code of rules by which
great people keep lesser ones in proper re
spect. Price Bismarck, when a boy, was
rebuked by his father for speaking of the
king as "Frit*.” "Leara to speak rever
ently ot His Mcgesty," said the old Squire
of Vorsin, "and you will grow accustomed
to think of him with veneration." Young
Bismarck laid the advice to heart, and to
this day the great Chancellor always lowers
his tone nnd assumes a grave worshipful
look when he alludes to the Kaiser. If a
message is brought to hxm from the Emperor
by word of mouth or in writing he stands
np to receive it.
Not only envoys themselves but their ser
vants are free from arrest in the countries
where they reside, and an assault commit
ted on an envoy's servant is regarded as an
injury done to the envoy himself. It was
only fourteen years ago that Baron Turgot,
being French minister to Madrid, wrote in
dignantly to his government. "I have this
day received a kiok in the back of my ser
vant.” The servant had been molested
during the riots that followed the overthrow
of Isabella II.; but an apology and fine
were demanded pretty much as if the min
ister himself had been kicked.
It is in consequence of the minute eti-
quelte which regulates the intercourse of
crowned heads with one another, that sov
ereigns when they pay private visits toother
states are said to travel incognito. By do
ing this, they avoid the pompous receptions,
the firing of guns, etc., to which they would
have to submit if they journeyed under their
proper titles. When the Queen goes to the
Continent, she is called Duchess of Lancas 1
ter, and foreign dignitaries who approach
her are expected not to address her as Your
Majesty. This rule of etiquette
not
always observed; but those who think that
they are doing honor to the Queen by trans
gressing it are quite mistaken; for to ignore
a sovereign’s incognito is to be guilty of
piece of rudenesB which would be promptly
resented if committed by any person who
waa supposed to be in a position to know
better. It. makes an enormous difference
to equerries, ladies in waiting, and maids of
honor, whether they are ..raveling with
Duchess or a Queen. A Queen must not
be spoken to unless she first speaks, and
persons ought not to speak to one another
in her presence. Nobody can sit down
a room where the Queen is without being
requested to do so; in the open air, men
must lemain bareheaded when addressed by
Her Majesty, and must not come nearer
than three paces to her person. All these
rales are relaxed when the Queen travels in
some less august capacity, and then the
ladies and gentlemen of her escort behave
in her presence as they would in that of
any other lady.—Chambers Journal
Over head—The policeman’s dub.—New
York Journal.
"Silence ie golden." So is n pawnbroker’s
■igu.—N. Y. Journal.
cream m ty taste good but it ’e cold
comfort after all-Boston Star.
It is a cold day when a frozen lem onade
gets left.—New Orleans Picayuna.
The tailors goose ie now believed to be tho
dude.—New Orleans Picayune.
The thread of n narrative it not I
the binder nine to hold the lenses togetM.
Boston Star. ’ *
■;
When n woman smiles from ear to ear
a real mean to any that her month goes
back on her.—Burlington Free Press.
Always behind hand—The wrist Always
afoot—The twelve inch rale. Always ahead
—The source of a riser.—Boston Star.
An intemperate oitieen of,Rochester calls
hie ttomach "Hade*," because it is the plane
departed spirits.—Rochester Post* Ha
as.
Young Muggins reoently became a party
a very interesting slight nf hand perfor
mance. Hie girl gave him the mitlm.—
Toledo Blade.
The home etretoh—The morning yawn.—*
Boston Courier. The qnnrter stretoh—Two
fifteen cent drink*.—Baltimore Every Hoi*
nrday.
L remarked to hie wife that a friend "kad
plenty of grit.” "Well yes,” ehe replied,
he looks ai if he needed a bath."—Toledo
Blade.
Bunker Hill Monument is oheap adsartie*
ing medium. It only oosta twentyflve
cents to go to the top of the colnma.—
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
At the White Mountains the girls al
comb their hair book from the forehead.
That is why it is called a bang-up plaoe.—
New Ofleane Picayune.
Paper rowing boats were not the drat
aquatic craft that were constructed of that
materiaL Paper cultsra were nude years
and yean ego.—Philadelphia Bulletin.
A Pittsburgh men who found his gas meter
ruined and motionless, thought that if the
coroner could not in the ceae, the sard Lot
would be,',Death from gas-triok fesar."—
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
The inebriated party that goes home late
at night and sees the top of the stain spin
ning around should pull himself together
and reflect on the fact that tops were made
to spin.—Boston Star. •
The destinies of a large family may be in*
closed within the limits of a peck measure
ot apple*.—Woonsocket Reporter. Not
unless the apples ere inclosed within the
limits of the family.—Boston Glob*.
A Canadian coJttmporary asks. “Does
Ooldwin Smith”—now stop right there,
please. Oold wins e great many persona,
but when you tackle the Smiths yoa’se got
a large family to purchase.—Boston Star.
A citizen of Kentucky "sold hie epeota-
cles off hie eyes, for thirty cents, and than
turned right around and spent the money
for threo drinks of whiskey.” This is sim
ply a transfer of glasses from abos* to be
low the nose.— Rooheater Post-Express.
Showing off; Two women were recently
seen pricing gingham is a store. One re
marked to the other on the label to the
goods: "See the Amerioin eagle and the
motto E pluribus unum—that's the Freacfr
for ‘In time of peace prepare war.”—Boston
Advertiser.
"Have you got any four-o’clooks ia your
flower-garden?" asked one Somersill*
gentleman of another. "Four o'clock," wap
the reply; "no, air, there is no four -o'clook
about mine; it ie all day with my flowers;
the hens have been at 'em.—Somersille
Journal.
Timely ffiita.
A medical journal gives some timely
hints about bathing. Ii the weather be
chilly, it says, or there be a cold wind so
that the body may be rapidly cooled at the
surface while undressing, it ia not safe to
bathe. Under such condition the further
chill of immersion in oold water will take
place at the moment when the reaction
consequent upon the chill of expocurc by
undressing ought to occur, and this second
chill will not only delay or altogether pre
sent the reaction, but oonvert the bath
room from a mere stimulant to a depressant,
ending in the abstraction of a large amount
of animal heat and congestion of the inter
nal organs and nerve centres. The actua
temperature of the water does not aflbet
the question so much as its relative tem
perature as compared with that of the ear-
rounding air. The aim most be to avoid
two chills; first, from the air, and second,
from the water, and to make sure that tke
body is in such a condition as to aoeore o
quick reaction ou emerging from tho water,
without relying too much on th* possible
effect of friction by rubbing. It will be
obvious, therefore, that both weather nad
wind must be carefully considered before
bathing ie begun, and that the state of the
organism as regards fatigue and th* fore*
of the circulation ehould also be nimwilii
ed, not merely as regards the general habit,
but the special condition when a bath is to
be taken. These precautions are eminent
ly needful in the case of the young or weak-
IT*
To make a carpet look fresh, wipe wi^
a damp sloth after sweeping.