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THE MACON TELEGRAPH: SUNDAY MORNING. JtnSTCE 1898 ©MKCJQDK?' -• -GOGSHE (Copyright, IMS, hr lUchellw, JetuuM » A PARABLE. rfihe coach ploughed along through the muddy road. Tho horn** itrained every muerle un der the threat of the whip. Tho Fly eat on the hind wheel with hie lege llrmly preeeed nicalnat it, and a look of determination on hie face. A gen- tleman ap proached and ad dressed the Fly courteously: ■'Pray, air,” xaltf ho. **what are you doing on that wheel?" "Do you not perceive,” an swered the Fly, "that I am help ing tho conch along?" "In deed!" cried tho gentleman. A t HETTY. thin moment the horses made a plunge forward, and the coach flew through tho mud. "You ace!" exclaimed the Fly triumphantly, an he wiped the per spiration from hla brow. "Wonderful!" observed the gentleman. "My compli ments to you." And with a lift of his hat ho went on hln way. The Fly smiled complacently and continued hln Inborn until the coach wan In smooth country. He then suggested to the coachman that It would bo a graceful thing to present him with an •Illumi nated Address. The coachman's reply is not recorded. Now the world Is the coach, and the Fly Is—-hut a man should not talk about himself, except In an "Interview," and oven then ns little an possible. A frleml of mine, naturally a reserved man, once took peculiar pains to make him self pleasant In the circumstances re ferred to; In the next number of the periodical ho was described as a "cheer- ry chatterbox." ly and vitally than the half-formed from the entirely formed. How is this? Is half-forming a purely negative pro cess, consisting entirely in the suppres sion and obliteration of the natural girl —a training In prohibitions, resulting In that uneasy, self-distrustful de meanor? Then, with the completion of the process, confidence returns. Tho pupil is again at ease; correct behavior has become automatic. That which Is perfect cannot act Imperfectly. The qult*>formed girl knows this. Bhe Is therefore Irradiated with rational self- satisfaction; she is quite comfortable about herself. Consequently her origi nal nature, habits and ways revive. But they do not revive In their original form; they are not what they were, any more than la the foot of a Chinese lady when the bandages arc taken off. Tim finished product Is Indeed conditioned by the quality of the raw material, but hew Immense* Is tho gap between them! Duke? Yet the marriage was ry, for the Duchess could not be the Duchess without marrying the Duke. The Duke, however, might still have been the Duke. These arc strange things, walk because we have legs, or have we legs because we walk? The whole problem of evo lution is summed up In this appar ently simple question. To our story. (The reflections can, however, be expanded if de sired.) The Duch ess was of humble origin and sur passing beauty. S h o concealed the one and heightened the nf hop hv ' avn.ir TUB AWKWARD AGE. The season of drnwing-rooms and de butantes approaches. Of tho former I know and shall say nothing. In these days of realistic %ovels, It Is quite In admissible to describe the drawing room unless you have carefully exam ined tho pantry. But all thoughtful men—I venture to borrow a phrase used by (and In) political lenders to denoto persons of their own way of thinking—must bo struck by tho sight of a debutante. Let us ask the ques tion plainly; What Is done to a girl he* .tween sixteen and eighteen? It Is no use for mothers to shake their heads and look Innocent. When I first knew Hetty she was hulf-wny between slx- teen and seventeen, the attainment of this latter ago being already discussed as an Important Impending event, llko- ly to carry with It changes of grave moment. For tny own part I thought (such was my Ignorance) that Hetty did not require alteration. I remember rather liking than not her free, confi dent mirth, her unchecked potulance. her boisterous grace, her open demand for admiration and challenge to you to resist her if you THR APT MP days when she wanted mo (which was tolerably of ten) sha used to say no (In which surely there was nothing amiss), nnd when she did not she was wont to state tho ran- Ison—which was, t qh a rule, that she wished to talk to another man. She delighted also •In waging de clared nnd scorn- i ful war on other {girls. She would carry off their cavaliers from un der their pretty that noses, nnd make ir K »i light of tho ex- MOHT. ptolt A little later she would return Uk» gentleman on Ids lady's hand with exasperating gon- eroslty She dressed with oxtrehm carelessness, nnd regarded a careful toilette or an elaborate costume as an admission of natural deficiencies. The act that charmed* her most was to rouse sentimentality In some tmplcsn youth: then, ro soon ns the tends* plant r.ilsed Its blushing head, she would stamp on it ruthlessly till she had dono It to shameful death; and In tho pur suit of this nefarious* object she stood at no eccentricity of speech, manner, or attitude, indulging In grimaces and contortion!* seemingly Impossible to any person naturally good looking. In fine, sin* was such that you could not be comfortable while she was present, nnd yet felt very dull when she was ah* sent: she was at otic® an attraction nnd «n outrage; there was nothing you c<»uld praise In her, nothing you would change; she was utterly and aggres sively Inelegant, only to flush on.you at nn unexpected moment « pose that cried out to ho painted: herself entire, ly Immoral, she mad*, you feel gray In wicked pens; herself unscrupulous, she appealed Irresistibly to your chivalry. Tims she had the advantage at every point, and he? eyes lived to proclaim deep laughing triumph In her victory. 8ho was, In fact, at what ladles call •'the awkward age ” THIS EQUALITY OF PLEASURE. An Ingenious frlenJ once maintained In conversation with me that all men were equally happy. The paradox was supported thus: At each moment each person wants something, suffers from Homo conscious "void”; supply It, and ho la happy. A has the tooihacho; Its cure would be happiness to him: B has not the toothache, hut ho Is hungry; dinner is h1s sole preoccupation. But how If C have both toothache and- hun ger? There !>* no difference, runs the argument. His unhappiness Is not made greater. It Is merely distributed and dis persed. In a won], the relativity of pleasure Is complete, and the baffled millionaire, who has learnt that the Kohel-noor Is not for sale. Is Just as disconsolate as the boggar-l>oy who hoe but a halfpenny, and whose favorite tart Is priced at twice the sum. The aigument need not be accepted In Its full measure, but It holds a truth worth remembering, and especially vnluable to people who deni with conditions of life remote from those^inder which they live themselves. Tho philanthropist Is ready to tell us that riches do not se cure happiness. It Is not his part to re mind us that poverty need not mean misery, hut for a Just view of the world we need to remember It. We are pretty well agreed that a novelist who depict ed n perfectly happy man would en tertain us with the sketch of a chi mera; so when he betakes himself to the other end of the scale nnd raises our horror by painting un redeemed misery, hare of all com fort or alleviations, we are In most cases right In accusing him of using an artificial light for his picture. It Is, in fact, far easier both for speaker and listener, for author and reader, to un derstand the unhappiness of a state of life far different from their own than to glvo due prominence and weight to compensating pleasures which their training nnd habits unfit them to sym pathize with or appreciate. The ab sence of what we value Is at once counted great loss; tho presence of what would bring us no Joy is reck oned no gain. These are commonplace reflections, but have their place when we try to Influence, say, the life of "the masses,” still moro than when we try to descrlbo It. * Jf pleasure were not so largely rela tive there would be revolutions every day. As it Is, my shoeblack Is not un happy because ho doesn't belong to my club, and I am not unhappy because I do not llvo In Windsor Castle. THE MILLENNIUM. No doubt tho millennium will come some day, but It Is certain that sev eral general elections will be necessa ry In order to determine what form It Is to take. Bhnll we all do iip we like then? This Is the natural man's Ideal, though Mr. Matthew Arnold was very contemptuous about It. Or shall we none of us do as we like? This Is the ascetic Ideal. Or shall wo all do everybody else likes? Which seems to bo the Boplnllst Ideal. What Is the now state of things to be like? The poet has painted It: / •Thfre lov# hn«l never s frnr or doubt; m . . _ x NEVER MARRIED other by N every You.” power. She dyed to hide her birth, and by an audacious use ot ti1Ho e dl ’ p,ayed ,he ch e<* »he souglit to puke waa a strange mixture of A Ioo *° m«n. »>e was orten tight. He never went to church X aK '~ he said, no Pewrltan—but icaa the Comminution Service for his private pleasure. He was also a strong advocate of women's right--so it Is that every man has his good side. „S ae „, s ' th ? Duchess was singing the illAr>f*Illanip" Satin i a t ’Marselllafse*' (she loved it because Rouge de Lisle wrote It), while the Duke was twisting the bloodhound's toll with a thoughtful air. (Suddenly the Duchess observed: “X disliked you very much from the first moment I saw you, Duke." 'I knew it tho moment you accented me.' returned the Duke. ”1 dislike you very much now,” said the Duchess. “Every woman dislikes her husband,” rejoined the Duke. “You have only to £° 8ne Nortorlous Mrs. Ebb- smith to discover that." "But I should hate you, anyhow/’ pursued the Duohess. "Oh, I wish I’d never married you!" "You never did," said the Duke, walk ing out of the room. • The Duchess fainted. "This Is ter rible! she cried, coming to herself; hut she moved away again directly, recog nizing that she was not now, according to our wretched conventional morality, a person flt to associate with. Her eye fell on the bottle which the Duke, a hereditary drunkard, had left on the table. "May not a woman," she exclaimed, "enjoy the liberty accorded to men? Where Is the corkscrew?” This was the corkscruclal point In the Duchess’ career. It comes to all of us. 1'ntntop* at* like pin*. Nothin*: looked Mack but woman's eye*, Nothing grew oM but wine.” It sounds very pleasant. But where would the poets (novelists are beneath consideration) bo without love's doubts, t* nd what say skaters to perpetual Hutnmer? Borne people don't care for singing even when they are told thut It Is In tun** (they don’t know them selves). The vegetarians would agitate to have up the mutton pies nnd peti tion the Vestry (If there were a Vestry then) to lay down cabbages. We should fall 111 with pines, the wine would be locked up, nnd—well, a good deal of trouble might srls*e over the other matter. It has. before now. FORMING. Then she wont t*> stay with an aunt In town, and was there subjected to a mysterious training. 1 Judge, of course, only by tho suits; tt Is rot mine tv-* fathom the arcana Imperil *»f woman. Per haps. after all, one would not be more comfortable for knowing. llH- ty came back, cautious, diffident, repressed a n d very carefully at* tired. She remind ed me of a man who walks be tween deep precl- ■ T . T - on f n J!^Z K HYWMUm'* TRAIN- ledge, so closely * pm. did she seem to watch her own behav ior. Neither her manners, nor her movements, nor her skirts exhibited their former v agaric*. Bhe took refer ence* to lier bygone self In bad u:»rt. but even her anger tuul lost Its fresh ness and Its "tang.” Bhe was not fu rious now.nor resentrut.but "hurt," and before this offensive form of emotion (surely the most unfair of mental atti tudes) raillery dropped its arms. Bhe talked little, but with deplorable pro priety; site listened to dull conversa tions without a single healthy Interrup tion; she was docile, considerate, help ful. I heard a lady deacrtl>e her an a "sweet girl/* and did not feel able to deny It with any real confidence. "I do hope I am forming her," said her aunt complacently. THE PRODUCT. The last stage came. Bhe was forme*!, but X have ti*K the heart to describe * to*r. Yet the quite-formed ^trl diffeta ONE WAY OF PROMOTING IT. There Is, however, one recipe for pro ducing the tnlllehnUim which sounds very attractive. Tho demand Is some times mode nowadays that each sex slit uld make laws for Itself. I have an amendment to propose. "The two sexes." it Is said In llio “Vicar of Wake field/' "seem placed as spies upon each other, and are furnished with different abilities adapted for mutual Inspec tion.” Very well, then; let each make laws for the other. How good: men would be, and how pleasant women un der such a regime’. The result would le kratifying to both, for men always desire to be good, although they seldom attain the goal, nnd women are bur dened with a natural excellence that Mauds sometimes most serkunly In the way of their being agreeable. 1 will not forecast what laws would he laid down for men. My friend Mr. Miles (•lurihoy rays In his sententious way, "For every woman in the polling booth there would be a man in crlsm.” I hope bettor things. Put on the male side of that twofold parliament d should nt once become a candidate) there are one or two motions which would be carried with enthusiasm. What they? No. 1*11 hear what the ladles mean to do first. A FASHIONABLE NOVEL. Next to being In the millennium, the best thing is to be In the fashion. This temptation assails us nil In various r ^.. , ways. Here la GRAPHOMANIA. It Is a pity that the novel has come to a standstill, for it would certainly have been a miccess. It has nil the stigmata of "graphomania;” and the most successful professors of all the fine arts nro graphomaniacs—for ex ample, Richard Wagner, Mr. Swin burne, Mr. Ruskln and Sir Edward Burne-Jones. Sir John Millais was, but I understand that he has to a large ex tent got over It. And a graphonfknlac Is—at tjjls point I wish to make it quite clear that I am not expressing my own views, but quoting from M. Max Nor- dau's hook "Degeneration”—a seml-In- sane person who feels a strong Impulse to write. The above mentioned dis tinguished painters, although they painted, yet wanted to write, and con sequently painted In a literary way; thus they are comfortably within the definition. Among the chief signs of graphomania are incoher ence, fugitive Ideation, n use of Italics, and a tendency to idiotic pun ning. "The Duchess*' Disenchantment” displays all these characteristics to the full; In fact It might have been written with tho express purpose of showing what a perfectly developed grapho maniacs! novel would oe like. The-.ex ample will bo of great value to M. Nor- dau for the next edition of his book, and he is very welcome to use It. The au thor, of course, will not object, for he will be In very good company. Not to be a graphomaniac is to be condemned to obscurity In these days. It is so true thnt, ns M. Nordnu genially observes, degenerates are not always criminals, Anarchists, or pronounced lunatics (he mentions on* or two other lines of life which may be omitted), but are often authors and artists. "Degeneration” is a book to read with attention; . It abounds In curious suggestions. For example, I bad not myself realized the connection between a particular sort of woolen underclothing and Chauvinis tic sentiments on foreign affairs. It ex ists however. In nine cases out of ten, M. Nordau leads us to suppose, the man who wears the one entertains the other. It is needless to add that both peculi arities aro marks of derangement, nnd the person who unites them is a de generate, and in all likelihood a grapho maniac, even If ho be not also nn "epl- lcptold" and a "mattold.” • IH THE WORLD OF SPORTS The Prospect* of the Cornell Crew of Oaw- • mea at Heolsjr. QUIRKS OF THE BICYCLE CRAZE News of the Prize Ring and Chat About Valkyrie III.—What People Who Dove Pluck and Muscle Talk About. (Copyright, ISM.) HE crew of gallant young Americans which Cornell Uni versity has sent to England to meet the flower of her collegiate oarsmen at Hen ley departed on the Paris, amid the booming of guns, the waving of flags and the cheers and hur rahs of thousands of well-wishers. As the stately ocean greyhound moved down the bay all passing steamers and tugs Hhrieked steamy good-byes in ear-plero- Ing whistles. The fine steamer IV. G. Edgarton went down to the lower bay *vl*h the big three-funneled racer. She had on board a largo number of Cor nell collegians, who accompanied the crew to this city to gladden their de parture. They had a bund with them, and the way It blared out “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean,” “Yankee Doo dle” aijd other patriotic airs was soul- stlrrlng. Indeed. If good wishes avail, tho Ithacans will win “hands down,” but I fear good wishes will cut a small figure. (Copyright lSwl The fear was on the cattle, for the^ale was on the-sea. An’ the pens broke up on the lower deck anklet- the-creatures-fVee-^ An’ the lights went out-on the lower deck an’ no-one^thertbut-iae. foreigner is nearly always'at a disadvantage in an athletic contest and our boys will soon know that they are foreigners in England. I have no doubt that they will be met with a cordial lip welcome, and that they will have a fair chance to win, but they will, first of all, have to encounter a strange cli mate, strange food and drink, and com paratively strange people, whose ways are not our ways. They will find the course they arc to row on more like a basin of the Erie Canal than anything else. Tho Henley course Is only wide enough for three "eights” to row abreast, and each crew has to keep strictly to its course, or come to grief. Tt is a locked course, and there Is plenty of eel grass on its bottom, though this detriment, It is hoped, will be nearly all removed before the great aquatic contest takes place. As an American, it would fill my heart with Joy to hear that the Cornell crew had not only bearded the lion in. his den, but had twitched his tall, as well, but I fear that this is almost too much to hope for. I feel confident, though, that'the boys will give a good account of them selves. Mind! I don’t say that they won't win. English professional oars men are not nearly so good as they used to be. For awhile American and Aus tralian scullers just rowed all around them, but their collegiate crewh seem to be as good as ever. At all events this international contest will be a good thing for rowing, for it will stimulate interest In it. It la one of the grand est of sports and one of the most useful. Hurrah for Cornell pluck!” say I. I had been»stagm' to them to keep 'em quiet there, For the lower-deck is-the dangerousest, requirin' constant care, An' give to me as the strongest man, though used to drink and swear, * I SEE MY CHANCE WAS CERTAIN OF bein' horned or trod." I see my chance was certain of bein' horned or trod, For the lower deck was packed with steers thicker 'n peas in a pod, An' more pens broke at every roll—so I made a Contract with God. An' by the terms of the Contract, as I have read the same, If He got me to port alive I would exalt His name, An' praise His Holy Majesty till further orders came. He saved me from the cattle an' he saved me from the sea, For they found me 'twixt two drownded ones where the roll had landed me— An' a four-inch crack on top of my head as crazy as could be. But that was done by a staunchion an* not by a bullock at all, An' I lay still for seven weeks conva lescing of the fall. An' readin' the shiny Scripture texts in the Seaman's Hospital. . THE LOVE OF EXACTNESS. It must not, however, bo supposed thnt all M. Nordau s points are* so—sh ill we say remote?—as this. It Is true thru lie exhibits a portentous insensibility to the ludicrous aspect of his own remarks, but the book contains much good St*n*e, and many neatly turned observations. He Swift notices, among other things, the love we English have for “exact ness applied to the nonsensical.” “An Englishman accepts a deliri um if it appears with footnotes.” (We may leave to the graphomani acs the retort thnt many of the author's most re markable asser tions are corrob orated In the manner men tioned.) This true enough, hut probably need n o t be con fined to English men. Defoe nnd this notion, We are bicycle crazy at present and the craze Is growing instead ot dimin ishing. The demand for wheels If something wonderful, and nearly every manufacturer has all the output of his factory, for the season, already be spoken. The fact has maintained prices, but there is another very im portant factor In keeping them up, and that is the fact that It is impossible to make a light wheel safe and make it of inferior material. No one, except one whore avordupois Is great, wonts a heavy wheel. The demand is for the lightest that can be made. Of course, every one who goes awheel knows that every time he or she rides there Is dan ger of accident to life or limb should the machine break seriously. First- A N7EW WAY OF GETTING A BICYCLE. ung friend of mine, who, being a novelist, desires to write o. fashionable novel. He d'fines hi* object most !u*. rldly; it Is to com bine a dlscureton of serious problems with a striking brilliancy of style. He has written :he first chapter, but has moq unhappi ly come to a dead stop at that point, though I am not aware* that they de fined it. The mao nt the beginning of our treasured “Treasure Island” is i concession to the same desire In th* human tnlad. A thing poems more difficult to disbelieve when dates nnd places are given. Toll a ghost story In vamto nnd nobody I* impressed; say the ghost appeared to Mrs. Mary Jen- kin** «t 40 Bpook street, on the 24 th April, amt simple folk exclaim tfiat you cannot have Invented all that. Why not? To a man who can invent the ghost. Mrs. Mery Jenkins is mere child's play. The other side of the matter Is thnt while the narrator at tracts belief, he lavs himself open to disproof. Exactness of statement* or the lie circumstantial, has the same advantage nnd d’sadventare In the so cial falsehood, which few of us are ro bust enough *•> resist. tew righteous enough to condemn, is it best to adopt the universal formula of "provl- our.ly engaged/' whether, in naked fact, you have any oth*r appointment for ih** evening of fiOt? Or Shall we be previous!v enene«‘d” when we are* net, Tin- mtiM- he* very . and enter Into details only when the sthiRuv* mi v. much obliged to] truth furnishes them? Or. finally, shall TfRNov* r-KARAO- nn y who wl’l *ve always enter into details, brtngtn/r TKttirrirs. for him. I w nUd Imagination Into play where facts fall da It myrelf, but a difficulty has aria- ua? tn about terms; rer?e of mv are too A REM \R?C. strong for me. *rebe story Is citted "The "I should tike/’ ohre*rvod the heater.*, X)uchv*v Disenchantment/' Here it is “to be engaged to eome one else and —wLii: (here liof it so faf: j married to George all the tlnu*'' lliitcttous nr# the problems of the! (Georg* wa* he.' husband). wo*t<5! v*ho can aolve them? I ••! like” murmured Mr. Gladhov, Why dM th«» r*uk* mu*? the Du*h-1 * t.o d’ee out about three nights a week *«um tht toalMormed girl no le&a wiJa- es«? Why did the Duchess marry the myaelt.” class material costa money, and first- class wheels are not only made of first- class material, but are finished In a firm-cl ess manner by first-class, specially trained, high-priced workman. Many are the devices practiced to get a first-class wheel for little or nothing. Here is a scheme which bids fair to be come aimost ua much of a craze as wheeling itself. A club Is formed of 17?> members or chances. When It is,com plete 175 small pieces of paper, num bered in regular rotation from 1 to 175. are put In a hr.t,'well shaken up and then each person. In turn, draws a num ber Irom the hat. When all the num bers are drawn, each person pays to the •re isurer of the club as many cents as his ticket or ple?e of paper calls for. Thus, If he draws 10, he pays In ton cents. If 175 he pays the §l.io and so on. until each ticket or piece of paper Is cabhcd up. When all have paid the treasurer, either by drawing lots or throwing dice, the winner of the wheel Is determined. The lucky man or woman, therefore, at the very highest gets a fine wheel for $1.75, and many get It for a cent, of course. 17-1 per son* got—left, but they generally pro ceed Immediately to form a new club tn the hope that the next time th»y may be more fortunate. Of course, this la a lottery scheme, and Moral, but it Is a lottery on such a small scale that I know of several church members who have gone into It. not only once, hut several times. By the way, let any of my readers put the figures from-1 to An’ I spoke to God of our Contract, an' He says to my prayer : 11 1 never puts on My ministers no more than they can bear. 11 So back you go to the cattlc-boats an' preach my Gospel there. ‘For human life is chancy at any kind of trade, •But most of all, as well you know, when the steers are mad afraid ; ‘So you go back to the cattle-boats an’ preach 'em what I’ve said. **I KNOCKED HIM DOWN AN* LED HIM UP TO GRACE. ‘ ‘ They must quit drinkin’ an' swearin', they mustn’t knife on a blow, “ They must quit gamblin’ their wages, an’you must preach it so; “ For now those boats are more like Hell than anything else I know." I didn’t want to do it, for I knew what I should get, An’ I wanted to preach Religion, handsome an’ out of the wet, But the Word of the Lord were lain on me, an’ I done what I was set. I have been smit an' bruised, as warned would be the case; An' turned my cheek to the smiter ex actly as Scripture says. But, following that, I knocked hira^ down an' led him up to Grace. An' we have preachin’ on Sundays,! whenever the sea is calm, BELIEVE IN ALMIGHTY GOD AN PREACH HIS GOSPEL HERE." An’ I use no knife nor pistol an' 1 never take no harm, For the Lord abideth back of me tq guide my ‘fighting arm. Inclusive, lu a column und add thorn up, and they will see that the g**tt*»r up of a club of the kind I tell of won't come out a lo.^er. Lord Dunmven’* pet, the new Val kyrie III., is In the water at last, and In the course of a fortnight she will probably have sailod her trial. Ballon* are very simr*r?*tltlous people, and the fact that there was a disap pointment at the flrot attempt to launch the English bout makes them phoke their heads and «?>* that she will bo u great disappointment to S.er owner when she tr!ea for ti* * Amo 1- Ci*p. For or.ee i l ap' u ?•••> miy something In this sailor's Ktltlon. The Defender will be launched within the n n r: tm "’«*-!: *. It touched my pride as an American when I read, the other day, that Wat son, the design or c? the Valkyrie, crowd over the fact that !.. ..nd compelled Nat Hertesboff to discard the centre-board, the purely Ameri can type of boat. In favor of the Eng lish k*-I type. "Even If we sie beaten.” said Watson, "we win a vic tory, lor we will be beaten by a prac- An’ I sign for four-pound-ten a month and save the money clear, Aq 1 am in charge of the lower deck, an’ I never lose a steer; An’ I believe in Almighty God an’ preach His Gospel here. The skippers say I’m crazy, but lean prove ’em wrong, For I am in charge of the lower deck with all^that there belong— WAfch /her u'ouhl not give to a lunatic art l tit competition so strong/ tically English boat built In Ameri ca.” There is sting enough in the English designer's sneer, but he needu't crow too much. His boat. In beam and shallowness of hull. Is prac tically of American typo. As a mas ter of fact, both boats, the Defender and Valkyrie II.. will be found to be compromises. The English vessel has American beam and light depth of hull, while the Defender has English overhang, fore and aft. and English depth of keel and raking stern po:»t Both vessels are practically fin keel boats, and every on-'who knows any thing worth knowing about naval mott^rs, knows that a fin keel Is nothing more nor less than a fixed cc:\t:cboard. Two of the great sporting surprises of Decoration Day were the winning <*t the last of the famous Irvington- Mllbum road races by Fred W- fUeht f Brooklyn, and the defeat of Tommy Conner/ tn the mile race of the New Jersey Athletic Club carnival. No one knew aunfct of IUcht previous to the rate, for ie was a "dark horse,” o?. the darkest character. He Is only 21 yetrs old. and is a genuine amateur. He trained himself, and so deserves all til was not equil to the record, but tha 1 was due to the fact that the sun ' heat took the energy out of every rn q who rode a wheel in the race; yes*. t*;: l out of the most of those who merely looked or. Tomrqy Conneff has long been regard ed as almost invincible ar. a runner, but In the presence of over <5,000 people at Be-gcn Point. George Orfcn of the University of Pennsylvania squarely beat him six yards In a mile * cratch race. The time made by tho winn-t — 4 minuter 24 2-5 oecondc--\va3 excel lent. It was a square and fair defeat. J B. M'CORMICK. Sometime* the Way. "Who’s this mm who has grown so rich in your ward?” "Oh, that’s Ska^te, an Ignorant sort of fellow.” "And the man who's bankrupt?” "That’s Maxzles, the eminent author^* Ity on financiering/’—Chicago Record. mad*- replied the sifted yen nr: author, the road aa hot as an oven, and tho * to ib*» emergency .—Chicago Trlb May Cover Many Similar Cases. "Here Is Ane faulty passage in vo ir story,” said the editor. " *Ha! Villa* i! I have fremd you out. have I? *»i£ hissed.’ Now. how could he 'hlsa* lho.*» words?” 'He might have had a hare lip, sir.” - rlxlaf un«t