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T < ) N /. : Dperd !m AN ey t : : O B 8 s WO5 3 \_{ " ' 1) . \-4‘ ‘ @ (;) NG ;%;;'f--“?“"f% / A KEEN THRUST. *Well,” said Gassaway, ‘“if there's one thing I hate more than another it’s a long-winded bore.” “Yes?”’ remarked Miss Knox. “It seems I've misjudged you, then.” “Why, how do you mean?’ “I always had an idea you were stuick on yourself.”—Philadelphia Press. EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE. " “I don't like flies, nohow,” said the boarder who never taught in a school. “What!” exclaimed the man next to him; “don’t you like ’em in currant cake ?’—Yonkers Statesman. IN TIME. ‘He—Why has he put her picture in his watch? She—Because he thinks she will love him in time.—Yonkers States man. TO BE EXPLICIT. Disappointed Customer—Why, you have got that old fowl down @23 “gpring chicken” on the menu. “Waiter—That’s what the caterer says it is, sir Disappointed Customer—Then he’s a prevari-caterer.—Chicago Journal. MAKING A MORTAL ENEMY. Lawson—Wicks hates me. Dawson—How does that happen? Lawson—OQn, he started in to tell me a story the other day, and before he had got off two sentences I broke in: “Oh, yes, I heard that three years ago out in Cincinnati.”—Somerville Journal. JUST FOR A BLUFF. Him—Would you scream if I at tempted to kiss you? Her—lndeed I would—if any one happened to be looking at the time.— “hicago News. IN TRAINING. Mr. Newly Riche—We must learn ‘how to behave, Maria, if we are go ing to enter society. Mrs. Newly Riche—We will, my dear. The new set of servants I have .engaged have been in the best fami ‘lies.—Detroit Free Press. ON DECK. “Does the captain say whether we -shall break the record or not?” “Yes: he says either the record or ‘the boiler must go.” “How lovely!”—Tit-Bits. SEER. “Tell me what you eat and I'll tell you what you are,” said the seer. The man told him what he ate. “You're a blanked fool!"” said the Seer. “Wonderful! Wonderful!” exclaim .ed the man.—Puck. THE INTELLIGENT MULE. “Valuable mule that,” said the Bill ville citizen, to the prospective pur .chaser. “Saved my life once.” “Indeed? How was that?” “Saw a flash of lightning making - straight for me, an’ kicked it all to pleces ’fore it could land!”-—Atlanta - Constitution. THE SOLITARY AUDIENCE. Lowe Comerdy—At one place where -we showed in the West there was a panic in the midst of the audience— Hi Tragedy—Fire? Lowe Comerdy—O! no; he had -merely been eating green apples, I { believe. He was a farm-boy who had ~come in on a pass.—Catholic Standard ~and Times, ‘ ' CAUTION. ©“Do you mean to say you didn’t give that horse thief a trial by jury?” . “We didn’t dare” answered Bron _cho Bob. “If anything as unusual as a trial took place, the whole town 'ud turn out to see it, and some omne would be sure to sneak in and steal some more horses.”-—Washington Star. AT A DISADVANTAGE. : “You weather prophets make a great many mistakes,” said the man who sneers. “Yes,” answered the observer, “and if other people had all their mistakes published in the daily papers as we do, 1 suspect that our record would seem pretty good.”—Washington Star. TWO OF A KIND. “Yes,” said the young drug clerk, who had been trotting in double har ness for nearly two weeks, “I've got a boss wife.” “Well, you have my sympathy,” re joined the man who had come in to buy a bottle of hair restorer; “I've got that kind of a wife, too.”—Chi cago News. : DESSERT “She says her dinner party was prought to a close with ‘eclaw.’” What does she mean by that?” “Belaw? Oh, I guess she means e@airs—chocolate eclairs, you know.” —Philadelphia Ledger. PROBABLY, : Mrs. Fussy—lt takes half of my time keeping our siiver in shape; 1 wish I could find a polish that would last, : Mr. Fussy—Send for a burglar; he’ll clean it up so that it won’t bota er you any more!’—Detroit Free Press. A SIMPLE QUESTION. “May a man marry his widow sis ter? ” was a question I heard put to a prominent lawyer on Saturday evening. ~ “Certainly he may,” was the reply without a moments hesitation. Then the lawyer had another think coming. 1 NO DIFFERENCE. “Gi'me a plug of tobaccer fur gran dad,” ordered the urchin who stooid on his toes to look over the counter. “ Dark or light?” | “Don’t make no diffrunce, he can’t i see.’—Detroit Free Press. | EXPERIENCE. i Mrs. Annex—This must be the new i cook now, John. I hkear a cab stop ping at the door. ' Mr. Annex—You'd better show her j the house, dear, while [ go and tell i tha cabman to wait.—Life. | PROGRESS. |2 YlBe last time I saw Rieder he told ma he was studying three foreign lan ‘ gnages and could speak fairly well in ' all of them. Is e still at it?” I “Yes, but he has improved wonder | fully, He was telling me only to-day i that he knows enough now to keep | i 3 mouth shut in ail of them.”—Phil | »~delphia Press. E PERFECTLY SUITABLE. | Mr. Nuwed—l think I'll wear my | 11t year’s Panama this summer. | Mrs. Nuwed—oh, no, dear. I would | not do that. | Mr. Nuwed—Why not? It's just as gug':y and unbecoming as any c# the i'new styles.—Houston Chronicle. ' HER WAY. l C!d Manager—=So your prima donna Q has a bad cold? ‘ ; Youthful Manager—Yes; she con | tracted it—— {«. Old Manager—A contract, hey? ! She’ll break it inside of twenty-four | hours.—Detroit Free Press. ' HIS WORST FAULT. “You can say what you please about the weather man, but he =tiikes it right sometimes.” ; o “That's the worst of it.” “What do you mean?” “Why, if he always was wrong, everybody would know that when he’ predicted foul weather it would be fair and vice versa. But, as it is, he's right and wrong by turns, so we never know what to exnoct.’--Cleveiand Plain Dealer. A MISTAILE. ; “Hello!” ' : “Hello!” “Like to go to the theater to night?” : “Yes.” “Wear your blue dress, will you, please?” “My blue dress?” “Yes; the one you wore to the dance last night.” “1 didn’t go to any dance.” “Say, isn’t this East, umpty-four, s “No. Aren’t you Joha Smathers?” “No. There must be some mistake.” “Yes. Goodby.” ! | “Goodby.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. ! THE MAN BEHIND THE GUN. lTrained Skill and Perseveraice Makes the Good Workman. ! It is not tcols that make the work ' man, but the trained skill and perse ' verance of the man himself. Indeed, !it is proverbial that the bad work man never yet had a gocd tool. Some ona asked Opie by whkat won derful process he mixed his colors. , “I mix them with my brains, sir,” [was his reply. It is the same with | every workman who would excel. | Ferguson made marvelous things— i such as his wooden cleck, that accu | rately measured the hours—by means i of a common pen knife, a teol ir §cverybody’s hand, but then everye | body is not a Ferguson. | A pan of water and two thermom | eters were the tools by which Dr. | Biack discovered lat>nt heat; and a | nrism, a lens, and.sheet of pasteboard ‘ enablad Newton to unfcld the compo | sition of light and the crigin of color. I An eminent foreign savant once i called upon Dr. Wollaston, and re- I quasted to be shown over his labora tories, in which science had heen en ! riched by so many important discov- I ories, when the dccter took him into i a study, and pointing to an old tea itray on the table, c:ntaining a faw i wateh glassss, test papers, a small bal : ance, and a blow pipe, said, “There is { all the laboratcry 1 have.” | Stothard learnt the art of combin ! ing colors by clos:ly studying butiter : flies’ wings; he wculd often say that ' no one knew what he cwed to these ' tiny insects. ! A burnt stick and a barn docr serv -2 »d Wilkie in lizu of pencil and can i vas. ] Bewick first practiced drawing on 5?,}1.3 cottage walls of his native vil i lngs, which hLe covered with his | sketches in chalk; and Benjamin | Woast made his first brushes out of ’ the cat’s tail ! Ferguson laid himself down in the | felds at night in a blanket, and made ! a map of the heavenly bedies by ' means of a turead with small boads | on it stretehed between his eye and '; the stars. { Franklin first rcbbed the thunder | cloud of its lightning by means of a { kit made with two cross sticks and l' a =ik handkerchief. | Watt mad> his first model of the | condensing steam sngine out of an 1 -14 anatomist’s syringa used to inject | the arteries previous to dissgction. | Gifford worked his first probiem in | mathematics, when a cobblzr's ap ! nrentice, upon small scraps of leather gwhich he beat smo:th for the pur i noga, while Rittenhous?, the astrono | men, first calculated eclipses on his ' plough handle.—Smiles’ Self-Help. i The “Bobs” of Japan, Field Marshal | Yamagata, is sixty-seven years of age. ‘ SCHOOLS FOR.LACE MAKERS. It Is No Wonder the Majority Are Blind at Thirty. These Belgian lace makers, many of them, have been taught at the 'schools. I went to one lace school l‘in Brussels, where young girls were straining their @eyes cver a_ sheer ‘piece of necdle lace—it is no wonder ‘that in the last century lace makers were biind at thirty—cr making a ’coarser pattern with pillow and bob ‘bin. This last named kind, as fully explainel by the head of the estab lishment, is -especially interesting. The woman cits in a low ehalr, hold ing on her lap a pillow, which is made of an oval shapad board stuffed to !make a cushion. On this piflow is a ‘plece of stiff parchment, with holes ; pricked to mark the pattern. Through ‘these holes pins are stuck into the cushion. Then the worker takes intd her hands the threads, which are wound on bobbins—small pieces of wood about the size of a pencil—each thread having a separate bobbin, and by twisting and crossing these threads the ground of the lace is {.rmed, the pattern itself being made by inter weaving a thicker thread. Three girls in the school were making with the needle a piece of point de gaze, and 'in answer to a query I was told that it would take the three girls one !month to make one yard two inches wide, and to make a complete garni {ure it would take one woman a life ‘tima. In this connection it is inter esting to know that often as many as half a dozen women work cn one piece of lace—one makeas {he ground, another the figures separately, while a third adds the figures to the ground, and so on, each being an expert in her particular line. Though cenditions are much im nroved since the timg when women went blind at thirty, the art of laco making is certainly harmful physical ly. The majority cf the workers have stooped shoulders.—Woman's Home Companion. ‘ { He Saw Her Father, but— «[ saw your father this morning,” 'he said, as she led the way to the ' parlor. { “Did you?” she exclaimed. He had been calling regularly fir !six months and once he had heid her hand after they had said good ‘night. He was very shy, and sho loved him. Her heart was a-flutter with expectancy. |, “Yes,” he resumed, “I thought perhaps he might have mentioned it to you.” ~ “No,” she answered as she tock a 'seat by his side, “papa has not ye’ returned from the city. He evident 1y has be’n detained.” : Wl he went on, “he probably will speak to you about it, so I thought I ought to tell you.” i “yeg,” she answered, lookiug wistfully into his eyes, “I supposs ' he will” Tnere was a long silence, broxen only by two or three soulful sighks {from the tender maiden. . “I met nmim on the train,” said the young man, jyust aft'r we had puil ' ed out frcm the s.ation, and when ;the conductor came along I discovs ‘ered I had left my ticket and my ' money in my other clothes, 8o your father let me havz a doliar. wWill 'ycu please hand it to mm when ko icomes home.”—New York Press, i Old Age Insurance. | An attempt is being made in Vienna, | Austria, to persuade servants to pay f‘twenty cents a menth toward an old iagei nsurance, but after thre2 years tcf work the sum needad to start the ‘f-'-nterprise has not bhecen secured. l s RO & S l The Brooklyn Bridge has 135 feet lof clear headway under the center of ;the bridge at high water. Tha towers lexte-nd 278 fezt above high water. , A novelty veiling, which is attrae 'tive because of the odd combination, + has royal biue aad grass grzen de. sizns on a navy biue foundaticn. ,