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BODGE
PAINFUL.
A maiden who lived up in Gloucester,
Felt so bad to have people accoucester
Than when a young man
Said: ‘“How are you, Nan?”
Bhe said she had pains all acroucester.
—Houston Post.
VERY LIKELY.
“Cholly says ‘Society is a dooced
bore, don’'t ¥’ know.'”
“Ah, he must mean his own soo
- Press.
ARITHMETICAL
“Now, Johnny,” said the teacher,
“if I gave you three oranges and your
mother gave you four and your aunt
gave you five, how many oranges
would you have?”
“l] guess I'd have enough,” answer
ed small Johnny.
FEMININE CHARITY.
Him—Miss Singleton says she re
cently celebrated the twenty-second
anniversary of her birth.
Her—Yes; Miss Singleton is cer
tainly a bargain,
Him—A bargain!
Her—Yes; 22, marked down from
37.—Chicago News,
IN JUNGLE SOCIETY.
“You should have seen the lion at
dinner,” sniffed the monkey, with a
superior air, “he actually ate his pie
with a knife.” -
“That’s nothing,” replied the tiger;
“didn’t you notice the ostrich? He
ate a knife with 'his pie.’—Philadel
phia Press,
DISHEARTENING.
Stakes—What's the matter? You
look glum. Did you lose on election?
Rakes—No; I won $2O from Jimmy;
but I've owed him that much for a
year, and I haven’t the nerve to col
lect the coin!—Detroit Free Press.
THE MEAN THING.
Mrs. Nordy—Pray, who is your mo
diste?
Mrs. Butts (much pleased)—Mad
ame Bumsky. Do you wish to em
ploy her? .
Mrs. Nordy (sarcastically}.—No; {
merely wish to steer clear of her.—
Houston Chronicle,
A PIPE STORY.
“Do you know Fibbsloy?”
“Ye.”
“Is he peculiar?”
“No; éxcept that he’s a confirmed
smoker.”
“That accounts for it.”
“For what?”
“For the story he was telling me
yesterday.”—Clevetan? Plain Dealer.
TURN ABOUT
Van X.—My wife has takan a fancy
of overrunning her allcvarce aud
having the bills sent to my office. 1
wish I knew how to break her cof it.
De QDo as I did; buy a lot of
things for yourself and have them
sent C. 0. D. when she’s at home and
you're out. By the time she’s paid
the bills a few times she’'ll be williag
to stop and call it even.—Detroit Free
Press.
NECESSARY,
Optimist—Yes, there's a place for
every one in this world!
Pessimist—l can't see any use in a
lot of old cranks!
Optimist—Why, the world is only
a big piece of machinery, and it
coulén't revolve without them!-—De~
troit Free Press. :
WHEREIN THE DANGER LIES.
The'Doctor (flicking the ashes from
his cigar).—You'll be telling me, !
suppose, that as a physician I ought
to know smoking is unwholesome.
The Professor—Unwholesome? Doc
tor, it's deadly, Have you never no
ticed that whenever there is a rail
road accident the fatalities are gen
erally confined to the smoking car?-=
Chicago Tribune. 5
' SEASONABLE INQUIRY.
“Allow me, Mr. Bifkins,” said the
hostess to a late arrival, “to introduce
Capt. de Jones, a man who has faced
death in a score of battles.”
“plesed to mest you, captain,” said
Bifkins. “By the way, are you a mil
itary or football captain?’—Chicago
News.
TO SUIT HER CASE.
“I think even she herself is begin
ning to realize now how fat she’s get
ting.”
“Yes?”
“Yes; she asked me today how to
pronounce ‘embonpoint.’ ’—Philadel
phia Press. ;
'TWOULD SEEM SO. ¢
Bjinks—Where can I learn to write
letters ;properly?
Bjenks—A correspondence school
would be the best place, I should
think.—Houston Chronicle.
A GREAT LADIES’ MAN,
Dorothy—My baby brother is going
to be a great ladies’ man.”
Margie—Why do you think so?
Dorothy—He got hold of my doll
yesterday and chewed her complexion
off.
NATURAL.
“That fullback is an awful fault
finder.”
“That’s natural.”
uWhy?n
“Because he’s the man who does
the punting and he always has a kick
coming.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer,
HAS A DISTINCT ADVANTAGE.
Addipus—Don’'t you nhate to be as
lean as you are? '
Skinnicut—No; sometimas I find
it’s a decided help. I can crdss my
legs in a crowded car without taking
up any more room than I did bcfore.
—Chicago Tribune.
AT THE GYMNASIUM.
“l notice Bill Braggus has been
keeping his mouth shut since you
threw him so hard the other day.”
“Rather. That whs my object in
getting the Nelson lock on him.”-—
Chicago Tribune.
FINANCIALLY CRIPPLED.
Tramp (piteously)—Please ‘help a
cripple at this festive season, sir.
Kind old Gent (handing him some
money)—Bless me, why, of course.
How are you crippled, my poor fel
low?
Tramp (pocketing the money)—Fi
nancially crippled, sir.—Glasgow Eve
ning Times.
COMPARISONS.
“My nose is sore,” said the ele
phant. :
“That’s nothing,” remarked the gi
raffe. “I've got a pain in my neck.”
“That cuts no figure at all,” put in
the kangaroo. “I have the rheuma
tism in my tail.”
“Pshaw!” contemptuously exciaimed
the octopus, “my vaccination is tak
ing in eight places.”—Chicago Tri
bune.
A New Pump.
An automatic gas pump has recently
Leen exhibited, constroeted upon a
plan enabling it when sc¢t in opera
tion, to run automatically, and to pro
duce as perfect a Torricellian vacuum
as is possible, It ‘has been devised to
provide a comparatively portable ma
chine, suitable to special laboratory
work, and for researches requiring
prolonged pumping. A Rontgen ray
bulb of a capacity of 200 cubic centi
metres can be exhausted in thirty
minutes.—Scientific American.
& (R S
ST N K
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A LA CHINOISE.
When we think of parsiey garmish
ing, etc., being used for flavoring
dishes, it does not seem eitner strange
or inappropriate that foliage of flow
ers should prove desirable in savory
dishes. The use of flowers.in flavor
ing foods and confectionery is univer
sal in China, It is said that the
dishes thus flavored by the Chinese
with rose leaves, the petals of chrys
anthemums, carnations, etc., with bits
of foliage chopped and added, are de
liciously epicurean, and worthy of the
menus of nations ‘figher in the scale
of civilization. :
CONCERNING CHAIRS. 1
Among the most fascinating chairs
to be found in the shops are the Eng
lish easy-chairs, after both Chippen
dale and Hepplewhite models. The
backs are high and square, the wings
—or ears, as they are sometimes call
ed—form a tempting resting-place for
the head, and the hospitable uphols
tered arms complete a delightful
whole. Most of these are entirely
covered with chints or rep, a deep
flounce reaching to the floor, but many
of them have a base and feet of ma
hogany or walnut. One model is par
ticularly attractive, in which turned
spindles of walnut rise at the outer
edges of the wings. In these the
arms and braces and legs are turned
also.—Harper’s Bazar.
THE COOK’S GUIDE. :
Add a saltspoonful of salt and the
same quantity of moist sugar when
mixing mustard, and use boiling wat
er. The mustard will then be found
to keep moist much longer than us
ual, and to have a better taste.
Among the various ways in which
tea can be brewed, an authority rec
ommends the following: Moisten an
ounce of tea, finely ground, with cold
water, and let it stand for twenty min.
utes. 'Then pour on the tea a scant
pint of beiling water, and in one min
ute it is ready to drink.
A housewife can manage very well
‘without scales if she wili follow this
simple plan: One ordinary teacupful
of flour is four ounces, so that four
teacupfuls makes one pound. Sugar
is heavier, so do not take a full cup of
it to make four ounces. Shredded
suit is so light that a teacupful only
weighs two ounces. With a very lit
tle experience ingredients can be
measured quite accurately in this way.
PICKLED PEPPERS.
Red cabbage pickled, while a favor
ite in German houses, is seldom
known to the Americans. This is a
recipe that came from the Father
land: Cut a red cabbage of good size
into six pieces, sprinkle it with salt
and leave it for a day and -a night.
Then drain off the liquid, rinse it
with cold water and let it soak in
fresh eold water. Scald half a gallon
of vinegar with a dozen whole cloves
and white peppers and a few blades
of macé broken fine. Turn in half a
cupful of sugar and two or three ta
blespoonfuls of celery seed. (Cook
slowly for a quarter of an hour. Have
the cabbage, drained and dried, pack
ed into a stone jar. Turn the hot vin
egar over it and put it in a cool place.
The cabbage will be at its best in
two months. !
There is a pepper relish that is
delicious with meats and fish. Re
move the seeds from six large green
peppers and one red oell pepper, and
chop the peppers fine. Mix the pep
pers with a finely minced head of
cabbage. Turn in a little less than a
quarter of a cupful of salt, a full cup
ful of sugar, two tablespoonfuls of
mustard seed, and nice cider vinegar
enough to cover the mixture. Stir
thoroughly and bottle.
RECEIPTS.
Orance Ice.—One-quarter cupful of
sugar, one-half cupful of boiling water,
oné-third cupful orange juice, one
half tablespoonful lemon juice. Make
syrup by boiling sugar and water
five minutes. Cool, add fruit juices,
strain and freeze. To obtain orange
juice cut orange in halves Crosswise,
remove pulp and juice, using a spoon,
then strain through cheese cloth. A
glass lemon squeezer may be used if
care is taken not to break the peel,
Take out all tough portions and re
maining pulp from peel and point tops,
using sharp scissors. Fill cups thus
made with ice for serving.
Salmon Mold Salad.—Mix two cups
of cold boiled seasoned salmon, one
tablespoonful of lemon juice, one tea
spoonful chopped parsley, two drops
tobasco sauce, one tablespoonful of
granulated gelatine dissolved in a lit
tle water and just enough cooked salad
dressing to moisten. Fill small molds,
place on ice for two or three hours,
turn out on lettuce leaves and serve
with cream sauce. Canned salmon
‘ is excellent for this salad if fresh sal
mon is not to be ‘had.
" Bread Blanc Mange.—Soak two
cups of bread crumbs or pieces of
stale bread in one quart of sweet milk,
add a saltspoonful of salt, two table
spoons of melted butter, the yolks of
four eggs, one-quarter of a teaspoonful
of soda and a good dash of nutmeg.
Stir well and lastly add the whites of
the eggs well beaten. Bake for an hour
or until it has ceased to bubble. Turn
into a mold and set away.on ice for
an hour or two. Turn out, cut in
slices and serve . with strawberry
sauce, ;
Experiment Bread—When you are
baking bread take enough of the light
dough to make a small loaf, add a
cupful of molasses, a tablespoonful of
| shortening, a generous supply of rais
ins and knead in all the corn meal the
‘ dough will take. Bake for three
quarters of an hour.
! Egg Plant Fritters.—Peel the egg
| plant, take out the seeds, boil an hour
in well salted water, drain as dry as
' possible, and mix half a cup of flour, a
l teaspoon salt, half a teaspoon pepper
and a tablespoon melted butter. Fry
!in extremely small cakes in a little
hot butter or olive oil, which is much
better, browning well on both sides.
Serve as hot as a red peppér.
Brown Bread.—One cup rye meal, 1
cup Indian meal, 1 cup molasses, 2
cups flour, 1% pints sour milk, tea
spoonful soda, teaspoonful salt, 1 egg;
mix dry ingredients together, dissolve
i soda in 2 tablespoontues poiling water,
add this and the milk to molasse's,
stir and pour in the other ingredients,
beat the egg and add that, mix well,
pour in buttered moulds, about 2
Iquart size; steam 4 hours; put in
oven for 2 hours.
- Ragamuffins. — Into one pint of
sweet milk stir one egg, one table
spoonful of salt and one tablespoonful
of butter, softened. Sift two -level
teaspoonfuls of baking powder with
one quart of flour twice, stir in the
milk mixture and roll out quickly
with as little handling as possible;
roll to about one-half inch thickness,
spread over with one tablespoonful of
butter, sprinkle thickly with light
brown sugar, and grate one-half of a
nutmeg over all; roll as you would a
sheat of music and cut one-half inch
thick;-flour a biscuit pan, lay the muf
fins flat, and bake in a quick over fif
teen minutes. Serve warm with sift
ed cugar.
Kill Insects by Electricity.
Recently in a paper read before a
technical society at Odessa, Mr. Lok
uzejowski described a way of killing
the young insects in fields by elec
tricity. A dynamo is carried on a
wagon (horse or automobile), and the
current excites an induction coil, giv
ing a high tension discharge. One
pole of the coil is to the metal tires
and the other to metal brushes pass
ing over the ground. The discharge
kills the grubs, ete., in the soil.
Tne late King George of Saxony left
a fortune of $30,000,000 and no fewer
than fifty-two landed estates.
San Francisco has adopted the plan
of taxing each theatre pass 10 cents
for the benefit of the Actors’ Home.
