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a $6ttklq /atflilq Mnnspoptr—-Srmrtrt to tfje Muts\i nf ft National Jrarorrntir |tortij, Titrraturf, ft Jfiarktte, Jtoign anil Dnmrstic Dtras, fa.
B. F. BENNETT, Editor and Publisher.
VOL. X.
“ Eqnalitf in the Union or Independence oat of it.”
TERMS—TWO DOLLARS a-rear, in Advance.
CASSYILLE, GEO.. THURSDAY, SEP. 30. 1858.
TSTO. 36.
^tofriknients.
AND
BUGGY-MAKING,
AND
SLACK-SMITHING,
BY
H. m HOLMES,
CASSVILLE, GA.
„ I can put up any kind of Vehicle
wanted, at short notice, and in as
■ " ™ "(.nod style as it can be done any-
inhere. All work warranted.
Cassville, July 1st, 1858.
•<
AND
BM8ESKEVB
SHOP.
William Headden,
CASSVILLE, GEO.,
IS prepared to make and repair
Carriages, Buggies, Wagons, or
anything in his line of business.
He has one of the best BLACKSMITH’S
and some of the best W001> WORKMEN in
Georgia. •
Thankful for past patronage, he begs a con
tinuance of the same. Work warranted.
All those indebted to him for last year’s
shop accounts are requested to call and settle
bv cash or note, without delay.
Cassville, Mch 25, 1858—ly
llJllU.
AT AUGUSTA.
T HE next annual course of Lectures in this
Institution will begin on the 1st Monday
in November next, with an Introductory Lec
ture by Prof. JONES.
Emeritus Prof, of Anatomy—G. M. NEW
TON, M. r>.
Anatomy —H. F. CAMPBELL, M. D.
Surgery—L. A. DUGAS, M D.
Chemistry aud Pharmacy—JOS. JONES, M.
D.
Institutes nnd Practice—L. D. FORD, M. D.
Physiology nnd Pathological Anatomy—II.
V. M. MILLER, M D.
Mit. •ria Medica, Therapeutics and Medical
Jurisprudence—I. P. GARVIN. M. D.
Demonstrator of Anatomy—ROB'T CAMP
BELL, M. 1).
Assistant Demonstrator—S. B. SIMMONS,
M. 1>.
Prosector to the Professor of Surgery—II.
W. I). FORD. M. D.
Curator of Museum—T. P. CLEVEL.OIP.
Tickets for the whole Course, $10^00
Matriculation, (to be taken once) 5 00
Practical Anatomy (to be taken once) 10 00
For further information apply to any mem
ber of the Faculty, or to the undersigned.
Aug. 12—Minn* I. P. GARVIN, Dean.
HERRING’S
Patent Chamnion Fire-Proof
SAFES,
W ITH Hall’s Patent Powder-Proof Locks,
the s one that were awarded separate
medals at the World’s Fair, in London, in 1351,
and the World’s Fair, in New York, 1853, and
are the only American Safes that were award
ed medals at the London World's Fair.
These Safes torm the most perfect security
against Fire and Burglars, of any Safes ever
offered the public, and can only be had of the
subscribers and their agents,' who have on
hand and make tu order, all kinds of Boiler
nnd Chilled Inin Bank Chests and Vaults,
Vault Doors, and Money Boxes, or Chests for
Brokers, Jewelers and Private Families, or
Plate, Diamonds, and other valuables. And
are also Patentees (by purchase) and manufac
turers of Jones' Patent Permutation Bank
Lock. S. C. HERRING A CO.,
No. 251 Broadway, cor. Murray St., N. V.
Agents for Georgia—Seago, Abbott A Co.,
Atlanta, Bell, Prentiss A Co., Savannah.
Mch 25, 1853—ly
NEW
S88S SXS1B3
NEW GOODS! NEW STORE! NEW LO
CATION AND NEW ARRANGEMENT!
Wm. Kay, Agent,
HAS for sale a large assort-
e^fmu^Vnient of Books, Stationery, Musi
cal Instruments, Fancy Goods,
Pistols, fine and common Cutle
ry, wholesale and retail, »t the lowest possible
cash rates. A share of the public patronrge is
respectfully solicited.
Particular attention paid to country orders,
and forwarded per return mail, railroad, ex
press or stage. Please remember the place—
nearest Book Store to the general passenger
depot, Atlanta, Geo. Jan. 21,18.58—ly.
CASSVILLE, GEO.:
BY S. J. HIGGS.
■ —e. THE public generally, and his
A" A old friends, particularly, are
requested to stop with him,
‘ when visiting Cassville. His
table will be supplied, as usual, with the best
the market affords. Connected with this
House ruus a Hack, day and night, to Cass
Depot, connecting with the Passenger Trains
on the State Railroad. Also, connected with
this House mbs a semi-weekly Stage line from
this place u> Ellijay to Morganton.
Mch 25,1858- 8m
REMOVAL.
Ur. J. W. Kinabrew,
THANKFUL tor the' pa
tronage of the past year,
continues to offer his servi
ces to the public, and will
attend promptly to every
call, day or night. Office
, next door south of J. A.
>\ Terrell’s, where he can be
^ —n found during the dny, at
night at the residence lately occupied by Mr.
Bohannon. Cassville, Aug. 12,1838.
JNO. W. FOSTER,
CAriSVILLE, GEO.
WILL do any kind of work in his
line of businena at as low rates as
• it can be dona by any good work-1
man in the State. As to his abilities to a work
man, be refers tu any work done by him. Con
tracts taken in any part of the Stale.
Jans Id, 1858—ly. i
justness Carts.
JOS. DUNLAP,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Kingston, Cass co., Ga. *
June 10th, 1858—ly.
B. H. LEEKE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Cassville, Ga.
B USINESS entrusted to my care will meet
with prompt and vigilant attention, and
monies paid over punctually.
Feb. 1, 1858—ly.
Capital J§tflrg.
W. V. WESTER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
CALHOUN, GEO.
W ILL practice in all the counties of the
Cherokee Circuit. Particular attention
paid to the collection of claims, and to prompt
ly paring over the same when collected.
Nov 26, 1857—ly
ANDREW H. BICE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Cassville, Geo.
P RACTISES in the Counties of Cass. Cher
okee, Cobb, Catoosa, Gordon, Gilmer,
Fannin, Paulding and Whitfield.
Prompt attention given to the Collecting bu
siness in all of the above named counties.
May be found in the office formerly occu
pied by J. H. A A. II. Rice.
June 17th, 1858—ly.
THOMAS J. VERDERY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
CEDAR TOWN, GA.
W ILL practice in Ihe counties of Flovd,
Polk, Paulding, Carroll, Haralson and
Cass. Strict attention paid to collecting.
Feb. 18, 1853—ly.
M. J, CRAWFORD,
Attorney and Counsellor at Law,
RINGGOLD, CATOOSA COUNTT, GA.
W ILL practice in all the counties of the
Cherokee Circuit.
Particular attention paid to the collecting of
money, and to paying over the same when col
lected. ' mh 1!>, 1858—lv
W offord, Crawford & Howard,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Cassvillk, and Cartersville, Ga.
W ILL faithfully attend to any business en
trusted to their care, in any of the coun
ties of Upper Georgia.
Wm. T. Wofford, J. A. Crawford, Cassville;
.1. A. Howard, Cartersville. Julv 23.
E. M. SEAGO & GAAR,
SUCCESSORS TO E. M. SEAGO,
Wholesale Grocers,
PRODUCE DEALERS.
AND GENERAL
Commission Merchants,
SOUTH SIDE PASSENGER DEPOT,
Atlanta, Ga.
March 18. 1858—lv.
S. B. O ATM AN,
Dialer in American, Italian and Egtptiam
Statdart, and Tennessee
Marble,
Monuments, Tombs, Urns and Vases, Marble
Mantels, and Furnishing Marble,
Atlanta, Ga.
James Vaughan, Agent, Cassville, Ga.
April 22, 1858—ly.
SUMMEY & HURLICK,
DEALERS IN
MARBLE
Monuments, Tombs, Urns, Vn-
SES, VAULTS. TABLETS, HEAD
AND FOOT STONES, Ac.
O RDERS promptly filled. Address Marble
Works P. O., Pickens Co., Ga.
James Vaughan, agent, Cassville, Ga.
Feb 1st, 185S—ly.
ftS&WMfc&n
DR. J. T. GROVES,
HAS removed to the office next door to
A. C. Day’s shop, where he may be found
both day and night, onletsprofesoionally
engaged. Prompt attention givcu to all calls,
by day or night.
Cassville, Jan. 21, 1858.
M. McMURRY,
Dealer in Family Groceries,
CONFECTIONARIES, Ac.,
Cassville, Ga.
Feb. 1st, 1858—ly.
siwiis imum
DEPOT.
I HAVE been appointed the manufacturers’
agent in this State for the sale of the fol
lowing celebrated Sewing Machines, which are
admitted to be the best and cheapest now in
use, viz: Grover A Baker’s—twenty-five differ
ent patterns. Weed A Howe’s Improved Ma
chines, and Gibbs’ low pnced Machines—any
of which I will deliver in Atlanta at manufac
turers’ prices. Terms cash.
Atlanta, July 29—6m A. LEYDEN.
B
Hot a Fish Story.
UT we are actually receiving a still larger
i supply of Fishing Tackle, Jointed Rods,
Multiplying Reeds, Silk, Grass, Hair, Flax, and
Cotton Fistraanes, Virginia, Limerick and Kir
by Hooks, Sock Dologers, Patent Grapples,
Kill Devils, Fish Spears, Disgorgers, Artificial
Bait, Bobs, Nets, Tin and Bone Squids, Cork
and Quill Floats, Spring Snap Hooks, Gat
Loops, Tackle Books, Bait Boxes, Sportsmen’s
Drinking Caps, Wicker covered Flasks to car
ry aqua vita ur, and everything in the wsy of
Fishing Tackle. At thi
JEWELRY A CLOCK HOUSE, of
VEAL A CO.
June 10,185$.
Caution.
W fiW ■■ M
T HE public are cautioned against fi «da!g
with any pedlers or others rtpre-tutiwg
themselves as onr agents, in order to seU their
brae* Jewelry and bogtu Watdm. We have
Tift ■ ssnI■ nut nl all Y£AL it CO*.
Borne, Ga.
no agents out st all
Jans IT
A LARGE quantity of Magistrate's Klees-
Joe duckweed's Comtship, and How
He Was Cut Out
BT LOUIS N. Bl'l.DICK.
‘ I vow,' said Joe Chickweed, as lie
stood before the parlor mirror, putting
the last touch to his well oiled hair, 4 if
I let this night pass w'thout finding out
just how I stand with Malimla Martin,
'hen I’m a cow. The crittei’s always
acted so pesky skiitish there’s been no
getting around her. I like her and she
knows it, and I'm inclined to think she
likes me; hut she likes more than one
string to her how, and I ain’t sure hut
she’d slip me any minute if she could
make a better bargain. May lie I’m do*
ing her injustice, aud 1 Iiojhj I am; but
she acts sometimes ’tarnally like a red
coquette, and l don’t know w hat to make
of her. But to-iiighi,’ he added, fitting
an immensely high and an immensely
wide biimmed hat upon his shining
head, ‘to-night I’li settle the matter—I’ll
cross the Rubicon, if I get my hoots full
of water. Melinda ain’t got a had spec,
and I might do worse most anvwhole
else.’
*I)o tell if it's come to that!’exclaim
ed old Mrs. Cliickweed, who had entered
I lie room unnoticed by her son, in time
to hear the last sentence, ’well I’ve all
along had a notion that you was aimin’
in that ere direction.’
Joe turned red from his eye-winkers
to liis ankles, and looked very sheepish,
lie wuiked very busily, too, for a few
seconds, witli l-iushing some imaginary
dust from a place lielween the shoulders
of his coat, which he could uot reach,
hut said nothing.
‘There ain’t nothing to ho ashamed
on, Joe,’ continued the loquacious old
lady, apparently greatly pleased at ma
king the discovery she- had, ‘and you
sjKike gospel truth when you said you
might do worse elsewhere. Melinda’s
a nice gill.’
‘Well,’ said Joe. gaining some cour
age from his mothei’s manner,’I’m glad
you think so, for I’m hound to make her
my wife, if—’
* If what,’ asked the old lady.
4 Well, if everything’s favorable.’
4 Don’t you fear anything’s again it.
You just do your duty, Joe, and Melin
da’s vourii. Remember the farm.’
4 It’s a tine farm, no mistake,’ said the
young man, earnestly.
4 No better farm of its size in the
whole country, than the wijder Mar
tin’s !’ said Mrs. Chickweed, in an em
phatic tone.
‘No, 1 think not.’
4 Aud then see how it is stocked ; two
yoke of the best steers in all these parts,
besides their two horses; saying noth
ing about the rest of the critters —
And, of course, they’ll all go with Me
linda when the widder’s dead, and be
fore, too, for you will go right on to the
farm as soon as you mat ry, and take
charge of everything.*
4 It’s a good opening, that’s a fact,’
said Joe; 4 but 1 put a higher value oil
Melinda than all the property.’
4 And well you should, though the
farm and fixin’s ain’t to he dispised.’
4 Oh, I ain’t one to dispise them.’
Joe laughed and left the room, and
soou after left the house, and made his
wav as expeditiously as the gloom would
permit, towards the residence of the wid
ow Martin. A light was hunting in the
front room, hut the window cut tains
were closely drawu, so (hat he could
not get a view iuto the apartmeul as he
passed along the yard, lie knocked at
the door aud was admitted by the wid
ow in person, who. after inquiring be
nevoleuilv after his health, ushered him
into the parlor.
It was already occupied by two per
sons— Meliuda and Reuhelt Spa.ks, the
latter a young man who recently return
ed to Springfield from California, aud
who was looked ujhiii with especial dis
favor hv the young farmer.
Joe was welcomed by the young la-
dv, not so cordially as formerly, and by
no means so cordially as Joe thought
Iris due. lie was greeted by Mr. Sparks
in a sort of joking, condescending way,
that raised the ire inwardly. However,
the conversation that followed was ap
parently agreeable to ail parties, and the
evening wore away till the widow reti
red, wheu Mr. Sparks intimated that it
was perhaps time for him to be return
ing, as it was quite a little walk to the
village. Melinda at once asserted that
it was very early indeed, and be should
uot think of leaving so soon *, whereupon
Mr. Chickweed was secretly entaged that
Melinda should be so taken up with the
company of a young sprig.
California became tbe topic of con
versation, and Reuben Sparks shone
brilliantly in his descriptive accounts of
the country and wbat he bad done
there.
* Then you weren’t in the digging’s!’
inquired Joe, in response to something
his rival had ottered.
4 By no means,’ replied Sparks, lofti
ly, 4 1"left digging to those who were u-
sed to it. I hadn’t a taste that way.’
‘Ob, then vou stopped in town V
* Certainly.’
‘ Business, I ^spoo^ first rat* there.’
‘Yes; a young man of talent wili! ‘Sparks*’ he cried—‘tell me, is it
soon engage himself in profitable era- Sparks S’
ployment.’ 4 Well, and if it is S’
4 Then I \pect you must Lave done 4 1 knew it! Blast him, I knew what
extraordinarily well!’ said Joe, in a touej he was after !’
intended to be sarcastic.
‘Oh!’ replied the other, laughing in a
meaning way, and winking with one eye
at the lady, who seemed to 4 take’ and
enjoy it accordingly— 4 as for that mat
ter 1 can’t complain. I think I improv
ed my chances—I rather think 1 did.—
No, I don’t complain, by no means.’
4 Then why didn’t you stay longer!
You weren’t gone but a short time; you
should have stayed a vear or two more,
and made yourself independent.’
4 Perhaps I atn independent already ;
I say perhaps. Of course I can’t tell
you the exact amount 1 made—that I
think is quite unnecessary.’
4 Oh, quite.’
4 And. perhaps, too, there were attrac
tions in this part of the world more al
luring than gold.’
lie looked knowingly at Melinda as
he spoke, and gave her another wink,
which that young lady seemed to relish,
though she blushed and appeared won
derfully embarrassed for a moment. Joe
noticed what occurred, and didn’t at nil
fancy the course affairs seemed to he set
ting. He knew that he should feel and
appear peculiarly savage, if he remained
much longer, and so he hinted that it
was about lime for him to l>e going—
and wliat served to enrage him more
than aught else, Melinda appeared to he
of the same tniud, for she offered no ob-
jecti-jn.
So he took his hat and departed, with
firmness in his step and bitterness in his
heart.
4 1 don’t like the look of things at all,’
he muttered to himself, as he walked on
through the dark ; 4 she’s altogether too
tender with that chap to be agreeable
tome. If lie has not turned her head,
then there must t>o a mistake somewhere,
I don’t believe lie has brought money e-
tiotigli from California to buy a rope to
hang him. He’s after the widder’s farm,
r.ow, to make it up, i’ll Let -my hat.—
Yes, sir, he means to catch Melinda, and
I’ve been fool enough to wait till this
time before coming to a final |>oinl.—
But perhaps it ain’t too fate yet !’ lie
added upon a few moments’ reflection;
4 mavbe she’ll consent to have me yet, if
I lose no time in asking her. I’ll try it,
I vow I will. I’ll go over again to-mor
row, and have the thing settled.’
And having come to this conclusion
he hurried forward, and soon after was
dreaming of Melinda Martin, the widow,
himself, and an infinite number of Reu
ben Sparkses, who were endeavoring to
chase' him up a steep hill, aud beat his
brains out with bars of California gold.
Mrs. Cliickweed was most anxious next
inomina to learn from Iter son the re
sult of his mission to the widow’s, but
Joe was silent and pensive, avoiding his
mother’s eye, and keeping away from
the house as much as possible. Late in
the evening he carefully dressed himself
in his best suit, and with a look of de
termination stamped upon his features,
he once more set out to visit the fickle
Melinda.
4 Hope you spent an agreeable even
ing yesterday,’ remarked Joe, after lie
had passed the usual compliments, and
seated hitnself near the young lady.
4 Oh, yes, 1 did, I assure you,’ was the
•eply.
4 Mr. Spatks, I should say, is a very
euteriainiug young mar..’
Joe didn’t think anything of the kind,
hut quite the contrary.
4 He is, indeed,’ responded Melinda.
Joe looked anything hut pleased at
this encomium on his rival, and sat for
some moments iu utter silence. At
length he turned to the young lady and
spoke :
4 1 came here last evening,’ he said,
4 with the intention of speaking to you
on a particular subject, but I found you
so engaged that I determined to call a-
gaiu to night, and so—so.’
4 Here you are,’ said Melinda, smiling
at his embarrassment.
‘Yes, here I am. And now that I’m
here I’ll tell you what I have come for.
You know I love you. I’ve told you
as much more’n once, and I’ve flattered
mvself that I were’ut indifferent to you.
But now I wish you to tel! me if you re
ally love me in return, and if 1 may hope
to make you my wife. Will you marry
me S’
Joe having arrived at this important
question, looked tenderly and appealiug-
!y into her face, and breathlessly await
ed her reply. Shit colored slightly, and
bent her eyes to the ground.
‘You are quite right,’ she said,‘in
supposing that you are not indifferent
to me, for I regard you very highly.’
* Then all my fears have been ground
less P ottered Joe, exultingly.
* But,’ continued the lady, ‘ I cannot
very well grant your wish regarding—’
* Wliat P cried Joe, his countenance
suddenly changing.
* I cannot very well many you 1’
_ * And why can’t you! I’d like to know
what’s to hinder your marrying me if
you think enough of roe.’
* There is one reason in particular.’
‘.Wliat is it 1*
•Tin engaged to-anotberf
Joe turned paW •
4 1 don’t know that Mr. Sparks lias
acted in any way as lie should not,’ re
marked the young lady warmly.
4 He’s a cheatin’ villiu’!’ replied Joe
indignantly.
4 You don’t know him ; he’s nothing
bf the kind!’
4 It’s vou that don’t know him; hut
you will before long. I’ve been deceiv
ed, and I ain’t afraid to say so,’ contin
ued he, snatching up hi* hat; 4 it’s the
money he pretends to have that’s lost
me a wife; but when you wau’t to touch
it, just as likely as not vou won’t be n-
hie.’
He rushed from the house as he ut
tered there words, and hurried home
ward. lie found his mother still up,
and was eagerly interrogated by Iter as
to the luck he had met with. He told
her all, and little condolence was she en
abled to offer him in return.
For two or three days following, Joe
Chickweed said very little, but lie tho’t
much. One morning he met his mother
with a smiling face aud a sort of triumph
in his look. The old lady was some
what surprised at the sudden change iu
her son’s manner.
4 Why. what on airtli’s the matter
now, Joe S’ said she ; 4 hope you ain’t
goin’ to go crazy.’
4 Not by a long shot,’ replied Joe ; 4 1
ain’t quite so big a fool as that.’
4 Then what ails you S’
4 0h, I’ve got it all arranged, at last—
I’ve got ’em now.’
‘Who! What S’
4 Whv, Melinda and lliat vagabond
Reuben Sparks—ha! ha !—I’ll surprise
him.’
4 Well, how are you goin’ to do it?’
4 Oli, it’s all right!’ said Joe, laugh-
ly ; 4 I’ll do it—darned if I don’t. I’ll
fix tlie sneaking critter!’
4 Bur how—how, Joe! Can’t you
speak on ! What’s got in the hoy ?'—
cried the old lady, dying with curiosity
to know what was his plan.
4 Well, now, I’ll tell you all about it,’
began Joe, assuming a more sober tone.
4 Well, 1 just wish you would.’
4 You know the widder lias always fa
vored my keeping company with Me
linda!’
4 Well *’
4 And I do believe she is a desperate
down on that feller Sparks coming into
her family.'
‘Yes.’
4 lit that case she wouldn’t very wil
lingly let her property go into his hands.’
4 But ’cordin to the will of old Mr.
Martin the property ain’t to go out of
her hands until she is dead.’
‘Just so—hut Sparks would have all
the benefit. And now I’m coming to
the point—it’s just there I’m going to
floor Reuben Spaiks*
4 Well, do let ine hear!’
‘The widder Martin herself aiu’t a
had looking woman,’ Joe remarked, in
a sort of a mysterious tone of voice,
glaiiciug up suddenly into his mother’s
face.
‘No—but what's that got to do with
the matter S' replied the old lady impa
tiently.
4 And she ain’t very old, neither,’ con
tinued he, with the same air.
ny on the eusuing day were completed.
When daikness had fairly set in, while
Melinda was so occupied with the com
pany and conversation of her sopn-to-be
husband as to be oblivious to all else,
Mrs. Martin cautiously left the house,
and meeting Joe near at hand, she has
tened with him to the residence of the
Chickweed*. The minister, who had
been duly admonished to secrecy, was
in attendance; and in less than half an
hour thereafter, Joe was a married man,
and the no longer widow was on her
way hack to her home—parting front
Joe with a single, hut enormous kiss
with which he was content to satisfy
himself, considering wliat was to follow
on so doing on the morrow.
The wedding passed off next day to
the entire satisfaction of all parties.—
The affair took place in the morning, at
the residence of the bride, and at the
hour of noon all the guests, with the ex
ception of Joe Citick treed, departed.—
Why he remained so long it puzzled the
newly married pair to surmise, as they
had not supposed he would be present
at all. Joe took it very easily, however,
and seemed qir’te unembarrassed by the
occasional bantering of the happy
Sparks.
4 1 spose,’ said Joe, addressing himself
to the newly made husband, as they
were assembled in the parior together—
4 1 spose you’ll take up your resilience it)
the village right away—buy you a nice
house and live fashionably !’
4 Oh no,’ replied Mr. Sparks, ‘don’t
know as I shall.’
4 What! Well, now, ! calc’late you
don’t have any idear of settling on a
farm !—you ain’t used to that work, you
know.’
4 Don’t know hut I may,’ said Sparks,
assuming a careless air and tone; ‘ com
ing on hot weather, you know, aud liv
ing in town is a bore in summer. Yes,
think I shall try country life for awhile;
l ain’t in the best of health, and a farm
life may improve ine.’
4 Well,’ responded Joe, deliberately,
4 can’t say that I’m sorrv you’re going
to stay with us. I think myself that it
would he to your benefit to work on a
farm for awhile; and we’ll try to make
it as comfortable for you as we can.’
Mr. Sparks looked at him ; titer, they
looked at one another and langhed.
‘No doubt,’ remarked Mr. Sparks,
‘you’ll make a very agreeable neighbor,
very agreeable indeed.’
4 Oh, we’ll he nearer tbau neighbors,
a good sight—of course we will,’ said
Joe, glancing with a look of intelligence
toward the former widow.
Again Mr. and Mrs. Sparks glanced
at one another, hut this time they didn’t
laugh.
4 What do you mean S’ they asked si
multaneously.
4 Oil, excuse me ;'I forgot that you
didn’t know wiiat transpired. The fact
is, the widow here, and myself, taking a
mutual liking to each other, were mar
ried iast night. We should have invited
you to the wedding, hut we knew you
were so engage—’
‘What! married!’ cried Mr. Sparks,
springing to liis feet, while a look of hor
ror overspread his features. Ilis wife
sat pale as a ghost, utterly unable to
speak a word.
‘Certainly, married,’ said Joe coolly,
j 4 Is this so S’ he inquired, turning to
i the late widow.
have a slight show of respect for your
father.’
Reuben Sparks seemed to come fit
once to his senses, and after a little re
flection concluded that the adiice he
had received was, upon the whole, the
best he could act upon; and for many
a year thereafter, Joe Chickweed looked
upon him as a most valuable assistant.
Jefferson’s Ten Rules.
1. Never put off till to-morrow what
you can do to-day.
2. Never trouble another for what
you can do yourself.
3. Never spend your mo^ey before
you have it.
4. Never buy wliat you do not want
because it is cheap.
a. Pride costs us more than thirst and
cold.
G. We seldom repent of having eaten
too little. .
7. Nothing is troublesome that we do
willingly.
8. How much pain the evils cost ue
which have never happened.
9. Take everything always by tbfi
smooth handle.
10. When angry, count ten before
you speak, if very angry, a hundred.
A Pretty Good One.—We have a
clever old son of the Enrera'd Isle em
ployed as porter in the Times establish
ment. Yesterday afternoon, one of tbe
lads of the office informed him that the
completion of the Atlantic Cable was to
be celebrated in the evening.
4 Do you tell me that!’ replied Dan.
‘Fact,’ continued the boy, ‘and they
ate going to fire a hundred guns ou the
levee.’
‘Out will ye. Such a lie as that Pil
not bel ieve.’
4 Why, it’s so. See it in the papers
to-day.’ -
4 (jo long wid yer stories,’ earnestly
replied Dan, ‘Where can they git a hun
dred guns to fire? Tell me that!’--
Cin. Times.
44 Jim, did yon ever double the Cape
of Good Hope ?”
“ I expect I have.”
44 When !”
44 Last night, when I put my arm a-
round tire cape that belongs to the dress
of a young Indy whom I have good hopes
of making Mrs. Dusenbury.’
•
A lazy fellow named Jack Hole, liv
ing near Covington, has adopted a way
of spelling his name which throws pho-
notopliy clear into the shade. He makes
a big 4 J,’ and then jobs his pen through
the paper for tiic 4 Hole,’
A Western editor expressed his de
light at having nearly been called ‘hon
ey’ by the gal he loves, because she sa
luted him as 4 Old Bees Wax’ at their
last meeting.
Why she can’t he more’n forty. 1 ,
4 So 1 should think ; and she has a j ‘ >«u may rely upon all he says, she
good chance of living forty more.’ replied
Well, and what of it ?’
4 Just this,’ said Joe, leaning over to
reach his mother’s ear— 4 i’ll marry the
widder!’
Mrs. Chickweed, expecting, as site
was, something startling, wasu’t prepar
ed for this. She uttered ao exclamation
of unbounded surprise, started upward
from her scat, and then sank back and
fixed her eyes with a vacant stare upon
her sou’s face. m
4 Weil,’ said Joe, 4 1 hope you don’t
see anything agin it.’
No—no!’ stammered his mother re
covering somewhat from the shock she
had received ; 4 hut are really in airnest,
Joe: will you tnairy the widder S’
4 To be sure I will, and that’s the
whole of it. I’m going up to see her
this very day. I’ll marry her, if she’ll
have ir.e, aud be revenged on Melinda
for cutting ine as she has for that blast
ed Sparks. I’ll teach ’em what’s what.’
Joe was as good as his word. He
sought the widow and made his propo
sal. She was more astonished than she
knew how to express, but she was more
gratified than astonished. Fresh and
fair as she was, considering her years,
she had uever given over the idea of
winning another husband; but it had
nevet entered her head that she could
possibly procure so young and estima
ble a prize as Joe Chickweed.
Joe made it a special proviso in his
proposal that they should be married
privately the day before the marriage of
Sparks with the widow’s daughter, and
it should be kept a secret till that wed
ding had taken place-. To this the wid
ow readily Agreed, although it was a
hard task for her to restrain the enjoy
ment site experienced, and prevent the
secret-being discovered.
The evening before the nuptials of
Sparks and Melinda at length arrived,
nnd all tbe preparations for tbe cereroo-
Then I Lave been swindled —impos-J
ed upon—deceived ! And yott knew of j
this also, and led me on V lie continued j
in a violent tone, addressing his wife.— i
4 You worked to net me, while this in
fernal cheat gets all the properly.’
4 No—it’s not so !’ exclaimed Melin-
du, bursting into tears ; 4 1 knew tioth-j
ing of it. And I thought you married !
me fo r myself, and not for money—you j
pretended to have enough of that your
self.’
Reuben Sparks smiled a sickly and
scornful smile.
4 It’s even as I thought; his money’s
so deep down in the batik that he nev-
er’il he able to-"dig it out,’ remarked Joe.
‘You scheming rascal,’gasped Sparks,
looking as if it would he a pleasure to
eat him entirely up, body and hones.
4 0, fire away ! it don’t hurt any ; —
and I’ve got a long lease of the farm—’
4 You scoundrel!’
4 And the horses and steers—’
4 Ob, you miserable cheat !*
‘ And the fixins generally—’
• Fool!’
‘ And moreover,’ continued Joe, as
suming a more sober and sterner tone,
and grasping Sparks fiitnly by the col
lar as he spoke, ‘among other things,
I’ve got a word or two of advice for you.
You married Melinda in the expectation
of stepping into a snug little property,
palming yourself off as a man of means
to accomplish your end. You are the
real ncheiuer, but a part of your scheme
has failed. Take my advice, and it will
be well with-yon; use your wife as you
-know you should—go to work like a
man—and elrive to be an honest one.
And, finally, don't let mebearyou make
use of any- more such expressions as you
just now bestowed upon, me, <ft I’ll
thrash you within an inch of your life.
Remember,’ added Joe, giving him a
•bake, a»a terrier would a rat, ‘von must
Iu innocent da\s ihe celebrated pre
cept was 4 Know Thyself.’ In modern
times it has been supplanted by tire far
more fashionable maxim, 4 Know thy
neighbor and everything about him.’
44 You have only yourself to please,”
said a married friend to an old bachelor.
*• True,” replied be, 44 but you cannot tell
what a difficult task 1 find it.”
A Quaker once hearing a person tell
how much he fell for another who was
suffering, and Deeded pecuniary assist
ance, dr\lv asked him—“Friend, bast
thou fell in tliy pocket for him 1”
It is said that the kind mothers of the
East have got so good that they give
their childreu chloroform previous to
whipping them.
Sally Jones says that when she was
in love she felt as if sire was in a tun
nel with a train of cars coming in both
ways.
Why is a restless sleeper like a law
yer ? Because he lies on one side, then
turns and lies ou the other side.
IIow can a man who has no wings,
he said to be 44 winged” in' an affair of
hotter? Because in fighting a duel be
makes a goose of himself.
pit A man attempted to wile a favorable
opportunity, a few days eince, bat bis held
•lipped, and lie fell U tbe ground considera
bly injured.
HOW TO WRITE BITE, RIGHT.
•
It is not right to write rite, wrigbt;
Nor yet to write it rite or writs;—
But write it always simply rite.
If you would ever write it right.
A thrifty wife wonders why men can't
do something useful—mightn’t they at
well amuse themselves smoking name
as cigars ? Guess they might. Then,
why don’t they ! Kaze if ain’t fashion
able.
fSKT Tue wind it blew, the snow it flew,
and raised parlicu'ar thunder—with ekirte
and hoops—and cbiel en coops—sad all saeb
kind of ploadsr.