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=* VOLUME VII. BRUNSWICK, GEORGIA, SATURDAY, MARCH 25,1882. NUMBER 38. The Advertiser and Appeal, IS published every satubday/at BRUNSWICK. - GEORGIA, BY T. Gr. STAOY■ Subscription Bates. One cortfet> 7<*f- r — *« « One copy si* saontho. 1 00 AdTerUssuests from res possible psrtleswlll he nnbUshed until ordered out, when the time Is 30t eoedfled, end payment erected accordingly. Communication* :for Indlrldusl boneflt.oror s nersousl ehsrscter. charged ss sdrerttoemajU. 1 Marriages «nd obituary notions not exceeding lour Hues, solicted for publication. When ex ceeding that apace, charged as advertisements. All letters and oommnnlcatlons should bo ad- dressod to tbo undersigned. T. G. STACY, Brunswick, Georgia. CITY omcBRS. Mayor- M. J. Colaon. . _ Aldermen- J. J. Spears, J. P. Harvey. P. J-Docr Wager. 8. C. Llttletiold. J. U. Couper, i. Wilder, ty. TV. Hardy, J. B. Cook. Clerk A Treasurer—James Houston. Chief Marshal—I. E. Lsmbrigbt. /Wfcemeu—D.B. Goodbread.W.U. Rainey. C. B. ^°Kerper d/ Guard house and Clerk of Market—D. A. Moore. _ „ . l\rrt Physician—J. S. Main. City Physician—*1. It. Itubins. ,sWon White Cemetery—C. G. Moore. Saxton Colored Cemetery—Jackie White. Harbor Master—Matthew Shannon. I'urt Warden*—Thou O’Connor, A, E. Wattles, J. M. Doxter. STASDINO COMMirrKKS OV COUNCIL. FiSANCB—Wilder, Cook ami Spears. Sxr.KKTS, Drain* »N: Buidokh—Harvey. Hardy and Littlefield. „ , . _ . Tows common’s—Harvey, Hardy and Si>ears. Ckmkt*iue»— Littlefield, Doerflluger and Hardy. Hannon—Hardy, Cook and Littlefield, l't'DLic nuii.i'isos—ICarvoy, Jouper and muter. Railroad*—Wilder, Spear* aud Hardy. Eoucation—Cook, Couper and Wilder. Charity—Spoara, Ilarvey and Cook. i’uiE uEP.vhl'MKNT—Doertlln^er, Haroy and sinors, Police—Wilder, Cook and Harvey. UNITED STATES OFFICERS. Collector of Customs—John T. Collins. Deputy—H.T. Dunn. • Collector Internal Revenue—D. T. Dunu. Deputy Marshal—T. W. Dexter. Postmaster—Liuua North. Commissioner—C. H. Dexter. Shipping Commissioner—G. J. Hall. 0 CE AN LODGE No- 214,F-A-M. spoopendyke. Be and Bln Wife Discus* the Question Of Goins to Bed Bad A Regular communications of this Lodge are heldM le first and third Mondays in each month, at »:•*» VlsUiug aud all brethren In good standing are tra- •rnally Invited to attend. dvnviM J. 4.SPEARS. 0. E. FLANDMtS. Secretary. w.m. EAPOUT LODGE. No. 6S, I. 0. 0. F.. Meet* every Tn«*day night ,-•*«•#*** °JT 1 “' k ' 11. PIERCE. >• «*• .. „ ,i. t. LAMiiiuoirr, v. a. AS. E. LAMBBIOHT. 1'. -V B. Secretary. BAY STREET, BRUNSWICK, - GA. Convenient to)j Business, the Railroads and the Steamboats. ! : ! •-( weather and low wages might make an impression on your skull. Do yon appreciate the enormity of the situa tion ? Do yon reach out and grasp, comprehensively, the unalterable fact that your market value is twenty-five cents in paper and one dollar in cloth ? Can yon Absorb the idea that in illus trating your red, white and bine virt ues he haa dragged me into his boot so as to give character to it?” Does he mention yon too?” ex claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with an air of indignation. Mr. Spoopendyke rose to his feet. Slowly he divested himself of his clothing and slammed the various ar ticles on the floor, keeping bis eye fixed on his wife. “ Mrs. Spoopendyko,” said be as he pranced into bed, “be kind enough to regard me as the cheap edition. The honor of cloth, with beveled edges, gold letters on cover and the name spelled wrong belongs to you. With that and your literary attainments, combined with your disposition to re flect discredit on an in sane jackass, you only need your corners turned down, your back torn off to bo a cir culating library!” With which pro found illustration of his contempt for the situation, Mr. Spoopendyke drew his pillow over his head and kicked vigorously. “I don’t caro,” thought Mrs. Spoo pendyke, as she ran the gathering string through the neck of the baby’s new dress, “if the man says that Spoopendyke goes to bed every night mad, ho tells the truth, and if he does that I don’t care what he says about me. Wbat I wonder most about is bow long a speech the foreman of the jury will muke about Mr. Guitean." And Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled in on her side of the couch nnd then Hopped out again to see if the man under the bed bad not by somo possi bility got into the match safe and pulled the cover over himself. Stooped-Shouldered Countryman Who Didn’t Believe In The*- .1 mometdr Pant*. . V( j, , Furniture New, Table Good W.C.BMGM&CQ.* '1. 1 b PROPRIETORS. - augiO-ljr mi ;• - ' 5 * .-«■ C. % 1 SPECIALTY! Gents’Furnishing Goods l have _ _ McCrary, a UaixWmu Une of above good*, which I propose helling at prices Never Before Known ! Call on me and see my stock* which was bought expressly for thla market. J. B. WRIGHT. “ Say, my dear I" roared Mr. Spoop endyke, as he dashed into the room and fell into a chair, “did yon know that that section of a stovo pipe, with bandy legs and a Presbyterian stee ple nose has published a book abont yon and me ?” “Not” exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen dyke. “Von don’t tell me? Is it anything like Napolean Bonaparte crossing the Alps ?” " No, it ain’t anything like Napo lean crossing the Alps I’’ snorted Mr. Spoopendyke. “And it ain’t any thing like Jnlius Hanibal crossing the Hellespont. Nor it ain’t anything about Queen Victoria? It is about yon and me, I tell yonl It’s abont onr private life, and the idiot alwayB represents me as going to bed mad!” I don’t think that there’s any thing in our private life to be ashamed of,” said Mrs. Spoopendyke, “nnd as to your going to bed mad, you goner- ally do, don’t you dear ?” What if I do?” howled Mr. Spoopendyko. “S’poso I want to go to bed on every news stand iu the country done up iu cheap binding and bad type? Think I want posters out on the fence, ‘Spoopendyko to bed mad, in paper 25 cents; Spoopendyke going to bed mad, with additions and prefaco by the author, 50 cents; Spoo pendyko going to bed mad, bound iu cloth with beveled edges, children cry for it and doctors recommend it, price $1.’ Got an idea that I want to go to bed mad in twenty-four editions, with a row with tho news company, priut- ers's bills unpaid and a paper manu facturer bowling for money ? It’s a book I tell you! Cut on the edges, pasted on the back, covered on tin- ontsiile aud reading matter all over. Know wbat a book is? The only dif ference between a book and your mouth is that the book shuts up once iu a while! Who gave him the facts ?” aud Spoopendyko leaned back iu his chair and frothed at (lie mouth. “Whatdoes this inau say iu his book?” asked Mrs. S. “ He don’t say anything! Ho dou’t got a chance! Yon do nil tho talking like you do at homo! It’s Mrs. Spoo pendyke this, nnd Mrs. Spoopedyko around the corner, ami Mrs. Spoopen dyko over the fences. Shakespearo’s nowhere. You are tho leading litorn- ry character of tho day ! Who gave bim the facts? Who purveyed tho information ? Who told him you wero an idiot that only needs a wash bill and a brother-in-law to be a Guitcau trial ?’’ “I don’t know quite wbat you mean:’' faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.— •I know about the Guitean trial and hope Mr. Porter will win it. But I don’t knbW anything about being lit erary, and aa for Shakespeare I think be is almost as abetrnse as the board of education.” n Wbat I want to know is, who gave hifb the facts?” roared Mr. Spoopen dyke. “Who gave this ten-cent au thor with a five-cent reputation the facta? How’d he ever find out that you didn’t know any more about keeping bouse than a frog does about ttieptag’ a bank account ?” “I’m sure I don’t know dear,’’ said Mis. Spoopendyke, soothingly. " May be he’s only a newspaper man who publishes facts first and then trusts to luck to find them out afterward.— Wbat does be say about mo ?” “Say about you?” squealed Mr. Spoopendyke. “ He don’t say enough.; An Ohio man has named bis daugh- He only leaves the impression that a! ter Phosphorous, because it makes diamond drill, a steam engine, fair | good matches. According to the directory of tho Forty-seventh Congress, there are in that body two hundred and ninety- throe members: One hundred and ninety-live lawyers, nineteen profes sional politicans, three rnilrond offi cers, one capitalist, one clergyman.— There nro sixty-five members repre senting the useful employments of tho country ns follows: Seventeen mer chants, eleven farmors, twelve editors, ten manufacturers, ‘five physicians, two civil enginoors, two miners, two mechanics, one metallurgist. The useful employments are still worse represented in the Senate, as the fol lowing shows. There are seventy-six members, whose professions aro as follows: Fifty-seven lawyers, five bank officers, three railroad officials, three professional politicians. Of the use- fal professions there are eleven: Three merchants, three manufacturers, two miners, two general business, one farmer, one editor. A Scandinavian Mormon elder ia urging the saints of Utah to resist, with arms, any encroachment upon’ their so-called rights, declaring that be would shoot a United States sol dier as soon as be would a dog. N*V Orloan* Tima*. Hofienstein was busily engaged scolding: Herman for.sot polishing .aj lot of brass jewelry there waa in aj show-ease, when a thin, stoop-should- ed countryman entered the stare and inquired: 1 “Have you got any good jeans pants here?” Certainly, my (rent,” replied Hof- fenstein, "ve makes a specialty uf goods in dot line, und ve defy compe- tion. If ve sells anyding und you don’t like it, you gets your money back or someding else in exchange, you know. Vas you a farmer ?” “Yes; I live up on Red river.” “Yell, den, yon need a pair nf bants like dose,” said Hofienstein, pulling out a sky-blue pair from a pile of clothing on the counter. “Dey vas de genorvine doeskin, and will last de year oud, you know.” Tho countryman took the pants to the light, examined the texture of the doth, and then knowingly shaking his bead, said: “There is too much cotton in them —they will shrink.” “Of course, my frent, dey vill shrink, but vait undil I tells you someding. If a man vat owns a pank or keeps a store comes here, I don’t sell him dom kind uf pants. Vy ?— Because dey vas made exbressly for de farming pisiness. Dey vas de der mometer bants, and a plessing to ev ery farmer vat voara a bair uv dem, Do yon know, my frent, dose bants vill dell you exactly vat de vedder vill bo. Ven it vas going to be vet nnd cold, doso bants vill begin to shrink up, und ven it vas going to be dry and varm dey comes right down, yon know. Dree years ago I sells 11 pair nf dem to a man vat vas name Vil- kius, and over since den he mnkes good crops ven de oder beople dou’t make noding, because bo nlvuys knows py bis dormometer pants vat de vedder vill be. After avile de peo ple in the neighborhood finds oud de segred uf Vilkins’ success, und at de beginning of de blauting season, yon know, dey comes for dirty miles around, und if doy seo Vilkins’ taints crawling up his leg dey boldH off nnd vaits for a change, but if his bants vas down dey goes right bnck bom o und puts in de crop. Dink uf it, my /rent! Mit de dermometer bants, you can dell exactly ven to put in cabbage seed und plant corn dwice as better as mit any almanac. Besides, von de vedder gets so cold nnd vet dot de bants goes np under your arras you can sew buttons on de front und vear dem as a vest.” When Hofienstein finished his yarn concerning the pants, the country man smiled, and turning abruptly on bis heel, left the etore. “Did you see de vay dot man acted, Herman ?” said Hofienstein, angrily. “Yes, sir,” replied his clerk. ;<• “Veil, it shnst shows dot de more you dry to help some beople along, de more you don’t get .any tanks for it” Heartrending Domestic Drama. Burdette, to Barling tea Hawkey*. Poor, Philip Yonderdonk I All his life be had toiled and saved and scraped, and palled every string that bad a dollar at* the'end of it. And How all bis hard-earned wealth has gone, and a great hateful, Interest- eating mortgage spreads its black wings over all that he owned and loved on earth. He sank into a chair, and, folding his arms upon the table before bim, bowed his gray head up on them, and groaned great groans from Groanville, Groan county. His heart seemed breaking. “ Did you mortgage the farm ?” asked bis wife anxiously, stealing soft ly to his side. “Yes,” he growled, “both farms, and sold the wood lot over on Big Island.” “And did you have to mortgage the town house, too?” she asked, with quivering lips and glistening eyes. “Oh, yes,” said the man in hollow tones; “oh, yes, and sold nil my stock in the Northern, and hypothecated what I had in the Sixth street bridge.” And was it enough ?” she asked, trembling with eagerness. "Was it enough ?” “Not. quite,” ho growled, ami then, ns he saw tho ghastly pallor of death ly disappointment spread over her face, he added, “but the milliner let me have it on ninety days time for the balance at 8 percent.” “And you’ve brought my new hat home, then !” she caroled joyously.— “Oli, Phillip, you dear old duck!” “Well, no, not nil of it,” ho said.— “I brought the plume and one of the bows down witb me in the express, l>nt tbe bat itself is coming down from Chicago on a flat car.” Aud the next week after that, elev en durk-browed men, who snt behind Pinllip’s wife at the theatre, waylaid lim wretched man on the way home, banled him off down Valley street, rolled bim up intoa wad, and stopped up the new sewer with bim. There is a prevailing superstitions terror of the number thirteen. This is probably the reason why people do not admire the Chicago shoe. A little boy wrote to his absent fath er that bis poppies were growing ev ery day, and sometimes twice a day. Miss Frances DeNyse, the girl ar rested in New York for wearing male apparel, has been released by Judge Donohue, and she is to be taken care of by a benevolent lady, who became interested and appreciated, ber mo tives in disguising herself so as to ob tain better pay for ber labor. One of tbe witnesses, a yonng man, declared that he had associated with ber for a year without knowing she was a wo- Boston claims to have two hundred and three women who are worth a million dollars each. Hake Him High Cockalorum. Speaking of tbe bill which proposes retire Grant on a fat salary, the Boston Pod says: Grant has had bull pups, fast horses, Jersoy cows, houses, house lots, fat purses of money, two terms >f the Presidency, a bank presidency, a Mexican land grant given him, a house fall of trinkets from tbe Sbab of Persia, the King of Siam, and from emperors, empresses, queens, lords, dukes, barons, counts nnd Wall street brokers, and now tbe Senate of tbe United States has voted to make him General of the army with a fat salary. Why not declare Grant to be the grand high cockalorum of the uni verse, and be done with it? The Dem ocratic Senators who voted to make bint General uf tbeigray wonld, no doubt, be glad to do what they could iu this direction. His salary should not be less than $10,000,000. Balloonists have a unique method of taking^ “soundings” to learn their distance from the earth when travel ing in the air at night. A loud shout is given, and the seconds are counted until the echo from the earth is heard. From the time required for the return of the sound it is easy to compute the height of the balloon. Yonng man, if you had one and two-tbirds tons of gold coins yon wonld be jast $1,000,000. Every lit tle piece of gold yon get bold of throw into a pile until yon accumulate thal weight You can then sell it and be come a rich man. A Cincinnati factory makes elevel miles of candles per day.