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■■ SUBSCRIPTION RATES. On* copy one year $1 50 Ob* oopy *i* months, 75 On* ropy three months, 40 Will elub Tnr Herald and Ad- vaan*** with eitbci of the following ■*med publications at 1250 per annum tor both papers: Atlanta weekly Con- ■titstion, Macon Weekly Telegraph. Loatsville Weekly Conrlcr-Joomal, Sou thern Co tlvato . JOT Remittances can be made by P. 0. Money ttrder, Postal Note, Regi-lered Latter or E xpi ess. THE HERALD AND ADVERTISER. VOL. XXII. NEWNAN, GA., FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1887. NO. 33. LARGEST STORE IN THE SOUTH, CHAMBERLIN, JOHNSON & CO., IMPORTERS AND HEADQUARTEllS FOR DRY GOODS, CARPETS, MILLINERY, SHOES AND DRESS MAKING. SILKS ! £1^*1** all th* New Weave*. Colors and Shade-, including the finest line of Black Silk in the South. VELVETS I S®^Lyon* French Dreui Velvet*, a specialty in black and colors. Fall stock on hand. TRIMMINGS! £^^Jn French novelties. We carry the largest and moat elegant lines in the South. WOOLENS 1 Everything New, Stylish and Pretty. Our stock represent* all first-claas mills in America and Europe. WHITE GOODS! nch Weaves a specialty. We have certainly the largest stock In the country. EMBROIDERIES! ^^’•Imported from Ht. Gaul, Switzerland, all widths for full suits. See them. TABLE LINENS! gj^^From Germany, France and Ireland, with Napkins, D'Oyles and Tray Cloths. WASH GOODS ! #9* All kinds, all styles, all prices and all colors, in immense quantities. CASS!MERITS! £tF*French and English suiting*, with a lull and complete line of Boy Caasimeres. HOSIERY 1 £l^^And Gloves !n all the new styles and colors. See this elegant variety. MILLINERY! £1^* Bonnet* and Hats made only to order—We sell no patent goods. DRESS MAKING * £|^Equal to Paris in Fits, htyle and Design. None superior. Few equal. CARPETS! CARPETS! CARPETS! In Carpets we lead the van. Wo import direct from the mills, and use cash In discounting every bill— saving to the trade from 20 to V> per cent, besides giving new. clean «nd stylish good*. We have no middle man to divide with, but pay our duties on imported goods hers st our custom house, and as wo are the only Importers in our line, we know that we can give fresher goods with later stylos and design* than any other Southern firms who deal exclusively with second and third hands. In fact, we have virtually no competition in thei8oulh,and further we guarantee price* equal to New York or any other Northern or Eastern city. WE ARE THE SOLE AGENTS FOR The celobroted Crowdey factory of Hnrtford, England, and have a full and complete stock of Velvets, Wiltons and Brussels received for the spring trade, all with nigs, pot Here goods etc., to mateh. FOR SHOES, SLIPPERS AND BOOTS l>on't forget that we have every pair made to order in all lengths and widths for Ladie3, Gentlemen, Boys, Girls and Children. Now dotv't forget our place and remember that the prices as well as the quality are guaranteed on everything we sell. Samples of Dress Good• aent on application. Agent for Butterlck’s Patterns. CHAMBERLIN, JOHNSON & CO., Importers, and 08 Whitehall, and 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, and 15 Hunter Sts., Atlanta, Ga. GOOD-NIGHT. I would that I migh For in thine eyes I m Oi true love born. Sweetheart, good-night! What joy were mine if I could stay | Until the stars should pale their light Before the day. [ Sweetheart. coxi-night! Some time we will not need to part. The clock strikes 12. How swift tams« Adieu, mr heart! 1 For I must jog. What! jog? Nay, fly on swKlest wings; 1 Your father’s coming, and he’s got the dog With him, by jings! ENVOI. Swift through the night A youth flies with a dog behind, j A cruel pa grins with delight— Why so unkind? A maid bewails A lover's fate, and she has .cause. A dog returns, two frock coa’t tails Between his jaws. of it left to trad a gun. Ignorant peo-; Poor Western Whoppers. 1st, and that the dispeBser of beer and pie thiok that as the law is obnoxious j According to the St. Louis Globe- pretzels had better be looking for new to the railroads it ought to be a big Democrat the four booming stories quarters. v ADVERTISING RATES. One square 1 month, I 2 Ot One square 3 months, - • - - * 3 60 One square 0 months, ----- GO* One square 12 months, ----- 10 0® Quartor column 1 month, - - - 6 0* Quarter column 3 months, - - - 12 *0 Quarter column 12 months, - - - 30 00 Half column 1 month, ----- 7 SJ naif column 3 months, - - - - 20 OP Half column 12 months, - - - - GO 0* One column 1 month, ----- 10 0» One column 3 months, ... - 25 0* One column 12 months, - - - - 100 0* , toing for toe people, but that is not al j which follow were recently told in its i ways the- case. And look at the i city: | inconsistency of the thing. Years ! ‘-This l»oom is a great thing,” said ago Congress gave big grants to the ; one. “It seems to extend all over the railroads to build their lines into new country, and I think it’s because the and undeveloped territory West. Now the West hss got to move East and grow up with the country." I do not know exactly what course to pursue, but there will be a meetiDg Rut I don’t vant to move,” protest ed the German. “Well, but you’ll have to. You’re a poor man and we are rich, and we can pay three times as much for thi. government has been paying off so room as you can. If you’ll go out many bonds that the people are put- quietly and make no trouble about it, ting their spare money into real estaie. ’ we’ll help you find a new place. If Now, it’s wonderful up there ii? Wich- J’ 00 stay here at all you’ll pay a rent ita. There’s a man in Wicbita now that'll make you sick—mind that.” D. H. DOUGHERTY & CO., * 7 ATLANTA, GA. DID YOU EVER Hoar a rilio shot ring out on tho morning air? Well, it has a eloan-cut crack that “gets th»ro” over the b'llsand makes you know what it means. Now just listen to the crack of our old army musket to-day and you’ll hear something wliizz through the air. We shall coniine ourselves to a small space to-day, for fear we l!y the trnek.and besides, when wc say so much, it is more difficult to recollect what wo have said. This week wo are going to sweep the dock in WHITE GOODS, LACES, DRESS GOODS AND PARASOLS, and as to Tahlo Linons, wo want to toll you confidentially, and kind o’ easy at that, that we have some fat things for you. We are no shrimps; we are here for busi ness, and we a!‘(*determined t j pour in hot shot until we are fully recognized as tho live business house of this country. Our house is full of intelligent drives and bar gains, and wo we promiao to keep before 3-011 something in the way of solid comfort all the season. It will do you good to eall and see ub at any time; for we cannot tell you ourselves to-day where lightning may strike to-morrow WHITE GOODS. On many lines of these we save yon 2f> per cent. We lead tho State in low prices. LACES. Call for these goods and see what wo are selling. Immense drives in white and figured Lawns. PEARL BUTTONS. Buy those goods of D. 11. Dougherty «V Co. DRESS GOODS, SILKS, VELVETS AND TRIMMINGS The fact of the business is, we’ve boon looking around for something that isn't bargain, and we conclude that we have nothing but bargains. Nobody cau possibly touch us on these goods or any other; and as for SHOES why, we sweep up the deck with the whole kit and kerboodleof them. Our5c.,25c. and 50c. Slippers: our 75c. New port Ties; our $1, $1.25. $1.50 and $2 Shoes for ladies, boat the world, and our $3 men’s Gaiter is ahead of anything. Come early. We are alw ays crowded. D. H. DOUGHERTY & CO., ATLANTA, GA. NOW LOOK OUT! OR YOU WILL MISS A BARGAIN. 1. P. BRADLEY Has the goods and they must be sold, for he wants the money. A splendid line ot Dry Goods, Notions, Boots, Shoes, Hats and Heavy Groceries. Cash or credit, on which the very lowest fiirures are marked. Toe many goods fui the season. They i/i ust bt* sold at some price. CLOCKS! Buy a Clock from me With a guarantee That insures your Clock Against a stop. I live in your town, Where I may be found ’Most every day, Doing what I sav. (This Is not spring poetry. And selling the best and cheapest Watches, Clocks, Jewelry, Spectacles, Silver ware, etc., to be found in this section. Call and sec me for anything in my line. Respectfully, W. E. AVERY. BRADFIELD’S An infallible specific for all tbedlseases peculiar to women, such as painful or suppressed Menstration, Falling of the Womb.Leu- corrlicea or Whites, etc. FEMALE CHANGE OF LIFE. If taken duringthis crit ical period,erreat sulTering and daugerenu be entire ly avoided. * REGULATOR! Send for our book containing valuable in formation for women. It will be mailed free to applicants. Bkadktkld Regulator Co., Atlanta, Ga. $25,000.00 IN GOLD! WILL BE PAID FOB ARBUGKLES 5 COFFEE WRAPPERS. 1 Premium, • 2 Premiums, 6 Premiums, 25 Premiums, 100 Premiums, 200 Premiums, 1,000 Premiums, SI,000.00 $500.00 each S250.00 “ SI00.00 “ • S50.00 " 820.00 " S10.00 “ For full particular* and directions see Circu lar in every pound of Arbuckles* Coffex. Commercial College Cheapest A Best Business College w the Wor d. m*t*M H>a«m<lC«14 Medal—r til-tin-C-n«n-.-< World** Ezyooltloo. tor Systea of B**k>C«fptac Ocacrtl BntatM Education. 8000 ©rtodmoU* la Mmh. 10 TMC&ers employed. Cott iffoQ Blilojo* fm la Including Tuition. Stationery and Board, about Hkort-HootL Typo-W rttUg * Telegraphy, opoclaltie*. X* TMOttoa. Inter Sc*. Graduate* Guaranteed »««•*•. Far circular*, addres* Epkrota W. Saltk. Principal, or Wilbur R. bnxlth. President. Lextagtoo* Kf A BIG LOT OF FRESH SPRING WHITE AND STRAW GOODS IN GREAT VARIETY. SALESMEN WANTED 1 ' to canva?s for the sale of Nursery Stock! ^Steady employment guaranteed. Salary and expenses paid. Apply at on« e. stating ace. (Refer to this papers CHAiE BROTHER*. Rochester. N. Y. A SPECIAL LINE OF QPIUM and Whiskey Hab* it* cured at borne with oat pain. Booh of par- Honiara sent FUE. _ B. M.WOOIaLET. M-DL Office tS$a Whitehall Su CLOTHING, Guarantying Fit and Quality, on which I can Save You Mo*ey. Come and see me and you will be sure to buy . Mr. U. P: Woodroof is with me and will welcome hia friends. I. P. BRADLEY. Notice. My son. John D. Berry, will attend to my private business during my absence. V. B. BERRY. Newnan, Ga., May 23d, 1&S7. Notice. John D. Berry, Vice-President of the First National Bonk, will act as President daring ny absence- W. B. BERRY. Prea’L Nnnun. Ga., 3d, 18??, Bill Nye on His Travels. Fewer people seem to be traveling for the delirious joy of traveling this year than ever before in the history of the country. Eating-houses, dining cars, sleeping cars and hotels seem to suffer most. A few days ago I had the pleasure of riding from St. Paul to Chicago, and from Chicago to Mew York, over one of the most affluent j railway lines in each instance, aDd I ; could not shut aiy eyes tr the fact that 1 the new inter-State commerce law has made a difference. From Cleveland to Buffalo I rode in a special car. It was thesleeping-car “Aberdeen,” occu pied by myself and suite. I had a con ductor, a porter and a brakeman to do my bidding, and tbe whole car wai mine, miue alone. It was pleasant at first, but finally it seemed lonely, so 1 called the porter and engaged him in conversation. He said it had been that way a good deal during tbe month of April. One day, hesaid that be and a spotter Bat and glared at each other all the way from Elkhart, Ind. to Syracuse, N. Y. He told me that it was a time for memory and for tears. Sleeping-cars, he stated, have been the hot-bed of the annual pass It is for that reason that sleeper after sleeper is being side-tracked. He was a bright, intelligent young man with a clear, olive-oil complexion, and when I left him I wrung out my hand for him and gave him a small piec^of money which I hope he will expend W'sely. I also conversed with the t r ain-boy, sometimes c>arsely and incorrectly called “the peanutter.” He came into [lie special car to afford meanopportu nity to speculate in a box of choice figs, and an armful of paper covered pronouns, including “I,” “Thou,” "He,” “Me.” “She,” aud "It.” He heaved a sigh when I spoke of th> new law, and sitting down beside me, he looked sadly in my open, ingenious face, while he rested nine or ten dol lars’ worth of books on my knee. “Yes,” he said, inserting a soiled thumb in the corntr of his eye in search of a cinder, "it is an Erie of financial depression. People that pay their fare bring their dinner, ride in the day coach, and sleep with their mouths open. They buy nuthin’. In fact, nob.dy travels unless it is a case of life and death. Then they take a hard-boiled egg and a blanket'and borrow the papers. And now I see some sardine from Snaggsville says that under the Interstice Commerce Law a peanutter really has no right to ride free any more than anybody else, not being a railroad employe! I am tired of it. I can sit here and see my figs grow old on my hands. Just look at the lines of care on that box of figs! Two weeks ago I had to take all the prizes out of my candy packages, and sell ’em for what I could get. You noticed I didu’t go through the cars to-day putting a fresh pecan meat in everybody’s lap? That’s because I can’t afford it. The injustice and clean-out cussedness of this new law is invading every homeanddesolating every hearthstone in the land. Lemme sell you ‘The Girl Detective: or Hunted to Halifax and Back Again Without Feed or Water,’ by the au thor of ‘Only a Dark Blue Pill.’ ” Then the train conductor came along, dreamily punched my ticket and asked me if I wanted dinner at Buffalo. I said I did. “Then there are two of you to dine there to-day,” he said, “for there is another man iD the next to the last sleeper who will join you in the dining hall. Generally we have six tables full on this train for the eating-house at Buffalo. To-day there are two men •in the whole train who will dine there, and there is no profit in either of them, for the other man is even more gaunt than you are.” “To what do you attribute all this?” I asked in a quiet, grammatical man ner which put him at once at his ease. “On, it is the new inconvenient commerce law. Go into the dining room at Buffalo and you will see shout twenty waiters, cooks and clerks and two guests at the table, counting yourself, while no doubt an • •Id gentleman will take a ‘stand-up’ at the lunch counter consisting of a cup of coffee, for which he pays ten cents, and a doughnut, which he brings from hrOfce in his pocket and which has little fiakes of smoking to bacco on it. Au eating-house man from the West rode through here yes terday on an old and tottering scai- for the purpose of takingsome definite worth $160,000 in cash subject to draft, actfon in the matter here in New . a nd months ago he came to the York thi3 week. Tbe meeting will be j town a tramp. He was arrested for largely attended b> the railway eat- iug-house men, the theatrical and traveling men, tbe sleeping and din ing car people and myself. The Train Dispatcher. Philadelphia Times.] The traveling public have lone been wont to bestow approval upon railway engineers for the self-sacrificing spirit which they exhibit when the lives en trusted to their care are endangered, and in the annals of the rail these occurrences are so frequent that pas sengers generally picture the man at the throttle of the locomotive as a hero by virtue of his position. These opinions are deservedly held, and it would be tbe grossest injustice to de tract from the honor which self-ab negation always merits; but there is a class of railway employes, almost entirely unknown to passengers, whose responsibility is so much great er and whose slightest omission might jeopardize the lives of people on trains ■note than any oversight on the part of conductors or engineers, that it is indeed strange that they are so seldom mentioned in the public prints. This class is the train dispatchers, whose every order is implicitly obey ed by train men; and while the crew of one train is responsible for the movement of that train alone, the dis patcher holds in his hands the lives of every individual on every train on tbe road; and on a road having a large traffic tbe duties imposed on him are very great and arduous. His position in the railway service is unique; were all trains running on time aud provided for on the periodi cal tjme-tabie issued by the company, he would have no duties to perform; but trains will get delayed and occa sions will arise requiring extra trains, or trains without any specified time >r rights, to be run over the road, and then his services arc necessary to avoid hours of delay. All trains on railroads are divided in classes, acceordiug to their impor tance, generally two, passenger and freight; and all trains of one class running in a specified direction have the right to lhe road, or need keep no lookout for trains of the same or a lower class rnnning in the opposite direction. Thus it is assumed that on a certain railroad trains running east ward have the right of way over trains running westward; then an east-bound passenger train can run the whole length of the road in entire disregard of all trains; another passenger train going west need only look out for the east-bound passenger train, while the freight trains must keep out of the way of both passenger trains and of the freight train which is running in the direction prescribed as having the right of road. Every one understands that all trains are chartered or have a time given for passing each station, which time can in no instance be anticipat ed, and hence ail train men know where all other trains ought to be at auy particular moment, if on time; but as trains frequently and generally get late the train of inferior class must have its movement expedited by some extraneous cause or it may be delayed for hours awaiting a train that may have been wrecked or has been kept back for some other of many causes. TheD tbe duties of tbe train dispatcher are of im portance. He will probably give an order to the delayed train by tele graph, directing it not to go beyond a certain place which he thinks it can reach without difficulty, and he -di rects the opposing train to proceed to vagrancy, but when he got off he went t to work, saved a few dollars, bought ao option on a lot, sold it, and kept > turning it over until he is now worth $160,000. That’s true, because Gov. j Martin himself told me of it. I think Wicbita is the town of the future.” "Xow,” said another, “I’m in the t real estate business myself in Spring- i field, in this State, and I think that there isn’t anything to prevent Spring- field being the metropolisof the West. The other day my wife had about S300 which she told me to take down town and put in the bank for her. As J was going down the street I met a friend of mine who wanted to show me a lot. I went and looked at it and eoncluded I’d take it, and I paid the $300 down, and the deed was being made out for me in the real estate office when an other man came in aud looked over the paper and said to me: ‘I’ll give you $1,200 to let that man put my name in that paper instead of yours ’ I took it. He sold that lot for $-5,000 next day. There was a friend of mine who—” “Here, that’s enough,” interrupted another. "That’s pretty good. But you mark my words. Fort Smith is the coming town; three railroads crossing there and seven started for there. I bought a lot there for $500, sold it for $700, bought it back again for $000, and to-day telegraphed my agent to sell at $1,500. When you’re talking of booms, just remember that the Fort Smith boom takes the cake.” The fourth party seemed unequal to the emergency for a moment, but fin ally replied: “I’m from Kansas City,” said he. “There was a man without any legs or arms, and with only one eye, came to our town five weeks ago and held his hat in his mouth on the street corners, for penn'es. In two weeks he had bought a lot in the sub urbs and sold it, and bought another and sold that, and now he’s got a glass eye, two artificial legs aud a pair of arms, and can write his che:k for ex actly $11,000." “Veil, you come in two weeks und I dell you vot I do.” Two weeks later, or shortly before May 1st, the manager called again. Tbe German was all smiles. “Dot’s all right, miuevriend. You may sebtoy up stairs, und I'll schtay here. I don’t pay no rent at all, put you’ll pay seex hundred tollers a year more as you paid lasht. I haf bought de block!” Leading Newspapers. Geo. P. Rowell & Co., of New York, have just issued a pamphlet of 108 pages, in which they have undertaken to select about 2,000 out of the 15,420 newspapers Lamed in the last issue of the American Newspaper Directory, and to assure tbe public that the se lections made are sufficient for the most extensive advertiser’s wants. It is claimed that, although they are in number only about one-eigbth, yet they actually print more than seven- eights of all the copies issued by the entire press of America. The Newspaper Advertising Bureau of Geo. P. Rowell &Co. has been es tablished twenty-two years, and twelve years ago the New York Times said of it: “They have the satisfac tion of controlling the most extensive and complete advertising connection which has ever been secured, and one which would be hardly possible in i any other country but this. They have j succeeded in woikiug down a com I plex business into so thoroughly a sys- i tematic method that, no change in tbe ; newspaper system of America can es- ; cape n tice, while the widest intorma- ' tion upou all topics interesting to ad One of Life's Shadows. At S o’clock the other morning c Second street wife followed her hus- hand down tc the gate as he was starting for town and kindly said to him- “William, you know how sadly I need a blue bunting dress.” “Yes, dear,” he remarked, “but you know how hard up I am. As soou as I can see my way clear you shell have the dress, and a new hat to boot. Be parent, be good, and your reward shall be great.” Forty minutes after that be emerg ed from a restaurant with a big basket and a fish pole, bound up the river. In the basket was a chicken, pickles, cake, fruit, pie, and a bottle of liquid of a dark, rich color, and he was just lighting a twenty cent cigar when his wife can e along. “What! you here?” he exclaimed. “Yes, I was going to the market. Where are you going—what’s in that basket?’’ “I was going to carry this fish pole around to a friend on Jefferson ave nue,” he modestly answered. “And that basket?’ “This basket—well, I was going to take it to tbe orphan asylum as a pres ent to the children. It is a donation from six leading citizens.” “William, I don’t believe it.” “Sh! Don't talk so loud!” “William, I shall talk louder yet!” she exclaimed. “I’ll bet you are going fishing!” “Mary, have I ever deceived you?” he plaintively asked. "I never have. As proof of my sincerity you can take this basket to the asylum your self.” "And I’ll do it,” she promptly re plied as she relieved him of it. “Mary, hadn’t you !” “No, sir, I hadn't! You’d better hurry uj> with that fish pole, as the man may want it, and be careful how you stand around iu the hot sun!” She left him there. Fie watched her take the car for home, and then he returned the fish pole and crossed the street aud said to an acquain tance: “Tom, I’m suffering with neuralgia, and the excursion is off till next week. Too bad, but we can never tell what a day may bring forth.” There was chicken and pickle and other good things on the table at din ner, but he never smiled. Even when ills wife wished she was an orphan, if that was the way they were fed, he never betrayed the gloom in his heart. It was only when she handed him the bottle be bad so parefully tucked into the basket, and he saw it labeled, “Good for Little Children,” that he said: “Mary, it is an awful thing for a wife to get the impression that her husband is a cold-blooded liar!” “It must be,” she replied, as she took the other chicken leg. vertisers is placed readily at tbe dis- j * posal of the public.” Looking for His Lily. Tbe Advertising Agencies have ! i’ io " cer fress.; generally assumed to represent all 1 80 ver J toany years ago a cou- newspapers; but now the number of p * e— newly married stopped at the newspapers is so great that no one: Hv au ’f° r the night. They hailed from house can undertake to do so much, somewhere ’ n toe valley of the Red and Messrs. Rowell & Co., recogniz- j ^strict, and had money enough iug the necessity for drawing a line i mtt k e a small ripple in the city the same place and there pas3 the oth- somewhere, have decided to devote er train, and in that manner the trains j their euergies towards furthering the are enabled to pass each other with- ! interests of the best papers; those out delay to either. His great respon- j which are most likely to bring satis- sibility consists in that be may have a factory results to an advertiser in dozen other trains in his charge at the return for his investment for space same time, and in directing one train j in their columns. It is asserted that to go beyond its usual place to meet through the agency of Messrs. Rowell another he may neglect to give an or- & Co., aud two others, advertisers der to the second train and in such an : are now placing a patronage which event a collision would probably en- | amounts to between three and six to The bride retired early; but the groom, still feeling his oatr, went out to see the tewn. He visited a number of the prominent resorts, and about mid night found himself in the Hotel ele vator. Calmly transfixing tbe hoist boy with his eye, be addressed him: “My boyish, swhere’s my bridesh? Swere’s my turtle dove?” The boy, of course, could notanswer him. But finding the number of bis sue, much property be destroyed and ! thousand dollars for every day of the ! roon) be attem I ,ted to ta ke him there, lives be lost. j year. ' “Noshir!” said the inebriate. “Ish It will readily be seen that the it is, perhaps, unnecessary to state — 1 iiic—wandi shiny cooing dove, slightest mistake of a train dispatcher that amoDg the selected papers which ® he ’ s tl| e rosesh of the valley, she is.” might cause serious results; and in Geo. P. Rowell & Co. specially re- Everybody in the rooms along the this respect his responsibility is prob- j commend The Herald and Adver- was awa kc by this time and sev- Her Purple Moustache. AH any Journal. 1 “To catch up a bottle of perfume, dab the stopple at- one’s upper Up,” said a fashionable girl to me, “is • trick with many women I know. I’v* seen lots of women do it, and did it myself till the other night. Starting to see Langtry I did that trick in ■ dark room, and have quit it altogeth er. You see I ran back for a glovo buttoner, and prowling over the dress ing case struck the glass stopple of m bottle of ‘Cherry Blossom,’ caught it up and smoothed it across my upper lip and gave two little dabs behind my ears so my neighbors should have a smell. ‘ ’Tisn’t “Cherry Blossom” af ter all,’ thought I; ‘it’s the “Whit* Rose" extract; but it will do all the same.’ And I pranced down aud joined my party. We had got into a car when some one said: ‘Good mercy, what baveyou got on your face?’ ‘The usual amount of powder, I suppose,’ I replied aggress ively. ‘Why, you’ve got a dark pur ple moustache.’ Great heavens! it broke on me in a minute. That nasty bottle of scented ink that I myself had carelessly left ou the dressing bureau. There was no Langtry for me that night. Ninety-six washings only weakened the stain- Sand paper and pumice stoue have removed some of my lip, but it’s so dark now (ten dayo ago it happened) that folks say to me: ‘You must stop using that vaseline; you certain ly are getting a moustache;’ and just behind my ears are two spots that look as if mortification had taken place.” Sunny Husbands. Very much has been said about the obligation of tbe wives, in regard to wearing perpetual smiles, but it seems as if our literary talents haze never once thought it worth while for the “man of the house” to occasionally don a smile when at home in his own family circle. It certainly is just as essential to domestic happiness for a man to be sunny and good tempered, as it is for the woman. We often doubt whether the male head of the family ever really appre ciates the opportunity lie has for dif fusing sunshine at home, or compre hends how much of gloom he can bring into the family circle by enter ing its sacred precincts with a dark frown on his countenance. The wife and mother is within four walls from morning till night, with blit few ex ceptions; and must bear the worrl- rnent of fretful children, inefficient servants, weak nerves, and many oth er perplexities, and she must do this, day after day, while the husband goee out from these petty details of home care, has the benefit of the pure fresh air, meets with friends, has a social good time, which all together act as a charm upon the physical man, and if he does as he should, he will come home cheerful and buoyant, and thereby lighten tbe household life for bis wife, and drive dull care and gloom from her careworn brow. Some men can be all smiles away from home, but at home they are as cross as bears; and yet we hear it said on every side, “Wives, meet your hus bands with a smile.” ably greater than that of any otter j tiser is accorded a not anpromiuent eral heads F €epcd over th e transoms, individual under whose charge the j place. We have had continuons "She’s—a—a—a—hie—Iambsb;” he public are placed. A pilot on a vessel ; dealings with this best known and may lose his reckoning, but the fact mo st reliable of all advertising agen- soon becomes apparent to others, aDd cies during many years, and in ererv his capacity for mischief is thereby case the relationship has proven lessened; other railway employes pleasant to publisher and agent and may neglect their duties, and rush , satisfactory and profitable to adverti- headlong into danger, but their asso- ; Be r. dates generally realize the situation * before any unfortunate results ensue; but the slightest behest of a train dis patcher must be obeyed without ques tion ; even though to do so would jeop- The Tables Neatly Turned. Chicago Hcrald.j A clothing firm occupying a promi nent corner io Chicago concluded ardize the lives of those receiving the i eome weeks ago that on May 1st it orders—though of coarse until an ac- won W extend its firet floor room by continued, “a swan of tbe sea. Where’sh she? Thatsh what I want —hie—to know. Whosh stole my cuckoo from me?” By this time they were at the door of his room. Yt suddenly opened, a hand and arm clothed in white was thrust out and the unfortunate yanked in with a terrific jerk and this remark: “Here’s your rose of Kharon and your lily of the valley, you old fool. Go to bed!” How They Lived. The North-bound stream of Florid* excursionists have nearly ceased to flow. One of the tail-enders leaves this little incident in Washington: Tbe train had stopped to water up at a North Carolina station, which has recently come into prominence as * wiater health resort. Two big, white hotels were in sight over the scrubby, untitled landscape, with a few “mud and timber” shanties among the pines. \n anarchy cart with a stub-tailed mule and a two-year-old steer hitched in unison stood near the station. Tho apparent owner of the cyclone wreck was a long-legged, dilapidated clay- eater, with tbe juice of General Tom Cliugman’s un’versal panacea trick ling down the corners of his mouth. A car-window- shot up and a nasal voice interrogated the native in purest Bostonese: “My friend, why do yon harness together such a strangely in congruous coup'i- as I see yonder?” Native—“W’icl Tourist—“Why do you harness a mule aDd a steer to gether?” Native—“.Stranger, there’s alius some iilgit axin’ jess sech dern fool questions, an’ I jess sorter throw ibet rigout fer bait.” Tourist changes the subject—“I see no signs of cultiva tion in this vicinity; how do you peo ple live?” Native—“We*ns live off’u blackberries in summer an’ off’n sick Yankees in winter.” While the tourist was thinking up something real sarcastic and cutting the train moved out. given wrong directions. Instances of oversight of dispatchers sbove tbe saloon on lease, and by a generations,” she said, “and let our ' ' are extremely rare—much less than of . 9ort agreement with the owner of aspirations direct os toward the ac- neglect of conductors and engineere to toe block had a call on the ground coniplishment of exalted deeds, and “You have a daughter, have you not, sir?” said a minister to an old gentleman with whom be had formed a casual acquaintance as a fellow pas senger. The old gentleman essayed to an swer, but tbe question strangely af fected him. „ “I beg your pardon,” said the min ister, gently, “if I have thoughtlessly awakened iD your mind recollections of a painful nature. Tbe world is fall of sorrow, sir, and perhaps my ques tion recalls to our memory a fair, beau tiful girl, whose blossoming young life withered in its bloom. Am I not right, sir?” “No, not exactly,” replied tho old ! gentleman, sadly. “Ihavefiveunmar- “But what do you think is going to be the ultimate effect of this law ?” I asked, in an elocutionary tone of voice. “Why, I don’t believe that in a jmt Urn wow there will he eamgb est of the iot is 28 years old.” per 8 lp e ’ aD . , . * D orders—though of coarse until an ac- j w °uld extend its firet floor room by Two vears ago she graduated, and t tr j ajs e n compe cident results the trainmen areigno- leasing the quarters then occupied by her essay was upon “The Glorious is case to e ea coo , rant 0 f the fact that they have been a German saloon keeper. The cloth- Future.” “Let us strive to emulate and the barkeeper had a chattel mort- , gj veH wroD g directions. in* people already occupied the floors the examples ofthe nobililv of past I vonnT gage on the bilhard table and fix- above tbe saloon On JtnH hv a rrpnpraMnna 11 eho watsi **artrl Inf ntir i * ^ ^ tures. He claimed that lhe life of au eating-house man was anything but happy anyhow, and cow it JJ’* 8 ■ adhere to the orders given to them— floor whenever they were ready to pay our reward shall be given us in the * j 1 *!) h^ W 'd “ WO ," or * : and while they perform their onerous : toe rental demanded. This time bav True, the Beautiful and the Good.” A y ’ . . ® peop e^ came, (JqU&s almost entirely unknown to the * n g arrived, the manager of the cloth- few days ago she was lying on the sofa an a , tc * “ e * n |I ; people whose lives they have in their I *°g store, in order to avoid a misun- reading the last iDsipid novel; she bad wen away. . ow ey a ay ome. control, and therefore never receive derstandiug with the German, and on au old dress, her hair was un- the meed'nf praise dne them, travelers P°ssibly to prevent ruinous compe’i- combed and & hole in the heel of her ought al least be made acquainted i tion to tods fer the lease, called on the shocking added to her lndicrous ap- with their duties and the important j m!® 311 keeper, and in a friendly way | pearance, while her mother was out part Uigy ply in the rapid and safe j remarked that he guessed his firm i in tbe kitchen doing tbe week’s wasb- ^ j """W toko tbe otoie-nvu «fiw Myj toy, apt} ceiling iq vein for weuUWfc Kentucky Coroner (sarcastically, to witness'—You say that a quart bottle full of whisky was found in the pock ets, and yet yon think the unfortu nate man committed suicide? Witness—Yes, sir. Kentucky Coroner—Well, if you think that anybody would commit snicide with a quart of whisky iu bis pocket you must be » person of very low intelligence.