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VOL. IV.
v-' i
CHAPTER:
TRIOH R. A. OHAF .
Y-. 19. id '.'.m at Trinn on (lie Friday
■ n.'i To ilin third Sunday in April,
Jv ' i !'' Jn'v, Auirist, ami Sentem
! o 1 SttnrLv nisrht hefete the
l). '- in i.i in O.itob'T. Nm-oinnor.
J ! • ‘ilior, January, Felraarv. arid
>1 iroli. <’ BRYAN, 11. I’.
•: ‘I MVIIiIS, s t v(’y.
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AI«-« in adjoining c«iuuti«-K in Georgia,
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LaFayette, ... - Georgia.
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I, Fayette, - - - Georgia.
practice in the Superior Courts, of Rome
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LAFAYETTE, GEORGIA, THURSDAY MORNING, JANUARY 27, 1881.
My Swim to the Tar
get.
BY AN ARTILLERY OFFICER.
Few, perhaps, among the civilian
population of England have any
certain idea as to the whereabouts
of Shoehuryness; fewer still, pet"
hups have been there. To travel
down from Fenchurch-strcct to the
ex'roll i o end of London, Tilbury
and Southend Railway is of itself a
journey not to be undertaken
wilhnn 1 someth finite object in view
and when to this, added a tramp ol
Some two miles longyielding sand
and shingle, or, ns an alternative,
about four miles of nnint resting
road, it is easy to understand that
few tourists are to be found ener
getic enough to travel so far merely
to see the place and return; for Stay
there they cannot, there being no
hotel of nny description in the lit
tle place.
Shoehuryness, then, for the bene
fit of the uninitiated may be defined
as “a little noisy place near South
end.” As to its physical character
istics, it is a heterogeneous collection
of barracks, batteries, and sand
banks. To the stranger approach
ing it, it presents a most uninviting
aspect, especially should the tide
happen to he out. For then be
c itnc apparent the interminable
reaches of sand that stretch away
out to sea for miles in their unva
rying flatness, broken only here
and there by the black form of a
target or by the pegs driven into
the very yielding soil to mark the
ranges. Nevertheless it is this very
dismal expanse that gives Shoe
buryness its impoitancein military
eyes, and that makes it what it is
i—the great experimental and
practice station for the British ar
tillery.
Everything is quiet enough there
till eight o’clock or thereabouts.
Then the observer Fees here and
there a flag run up on the summit
of a buttery or casemate, and the
roar of the guns begins and lasts
for two or three hours without in
termission. Looking out to sea,
one may perceive clouds of smoke
rolling away, far up in the blue sky
like white halls as the shells burst
n the distance, and may hear the
noise of the report floating lazily
back after an apparently irttermina
ble lapse of time. When it is re
membered that, of the thousands
of fuses of all kinds turned out
of the Woolrich Arsenal some three
percent, have to be proved by act
ual experiment, one may form
some conception of the appearance
of Shoehuryness on a busy day.
Enough, however, of the descrip
tion for the present. I should not
have ventured to intrude it upon
my readers but for an adventure
which happened to me there on
one occasion, and which went very
near to depriving the British pub
lic of this interesting recital and
the Royal Regiment of Artillery of
the services of a “most promising
young officer.” as no doubt the
Times would have recorded.
In the year of 187-I was going
through what is technically known
as the “long course,” a courriculum
of instruction in gunnery theoreti
cal and practical; the former at
Woolrich, and the latter at Shoe
buryness—each part lasting six
months. We had been enjoying
ourselves at our seaside residence
for three out of the six months ex
ceedingly; for we had been fortu
nate to have gone there in the sum
mer months; and, between boating
and bathing and playing lawn-ten
nis, in a modified form known as
“sticky,” in courts constructed out
of the old targets past work, the
time had passed very pleasantly,
It. was now August, and a very hot
one; the sun burned in the heav
ens like a red coal, and scorched
up the scanty water that the sand
beds contained, till we had to send
miles away to fectch what was re
quired for the use of the barracks.
Work of any kind was an effort.
One felt inclined to spend the day
swimming lazily nbout, or sitting
on a warm rock after the fashion
of T unyson’s merman. It was one
of these aquatic excursions, which
got me into tlie greatest scrape I
have ever been in, or that I ever
shall be in, I hope, as the sensation j
was anything but pleasant.
I must premise that I wa3 a pret
ty fair swimmer, having learned
that art, amongst many other use
ful things, at the Academy, and
progressed favorably in it during n
course of seaside fort residences.
My great ambition had always
been to swim round tho 2000 tar
get Rome day when the title was in
and at length I determined to
make tho attempt. The feat seems
easy enough, no doubt, hut I was
r.o Captain Webb; and, amongst
my fellow oflicers. there were few
who would have attempted it, so I
felt rather inclined to he able to
say that I had been there. Con
fiiiing my intention to ro one, I
started one day from the gun-pier
just before slack water, counting on
getting back before the tide turned
again.
It was a hot day, as I have be
fore staled, and I swam very slowly;
however, I arrived at my d:*s!ina
tion without much difficulty. The
frame work, on which the target
floated, offered a very pleasant rest
ing place, and I lay down on it, la
zily intending to take some five,
minutes breathing time, and then
strike out for horns. But alas for
the feebleness of human resolu
tions ! Between the long swim anti
tho recumbent posture and the
vfarm sun, I had not been there two
minutes before I was fast asleep. I
had a curious dream. I had been
reading a rather wilt! book of spec
ulative astronomy that morning,
and had been struck by the writer’s
theory, that the end of the world
would come through the fiery vapor
amt lava of the interior of the earth
breaking through the thin crust
thereof. I dreamed now that such
a catastrophe was imminent, and
that I was camly inspecting a pres
sure guage, to ascertain how long
the globe would yet endure. Fear
lessly, as happens in dreams, I felt
the increasing heat beneath me.
Tremors and. indistinct rumblings
came rising up from infinite dehths,
until the ground shook and quiv
ered under my feet. Higher ran
the warning hand upon the dial,
and at length, with a mighty
crash, the world exploded, and J
was hurled, not into chaos, but
splash into the water oi the cstu
ary of the Thames 1
Thoroughly awakened as the res
der may suppose, I rose to the sur
face, gulping down a mouthful of
water in the surprise. As I clutch
ed tho frame work beside me, I was
conscious of a dazzling red flash
like sheet-lightning, followed by »
tremendous report and a ratling
all about me, as though a shower
of hail were falling. I had seen too
much of artillery not to know
that this astonishing meteor wa
a shrapnel shell.
Perhaps there may be some of
my readers ignorant of what such
a missle is; for, indeed, it is of some
what late invention. Let them ira
agin, then, a cylindrical shell of
iron, containing as many bullets as
it will convienlly hold, comforta
bly set in a bed of rosin. At tne
bottom threat is a small charge of
powder, ignited l>y a time-fuse bor
ed to burn an) required tirnp. On
this delightful machine exploding,
nut fiv the bullets, and, by the in
extolerabie laws of dynamics, par
taking of the original motion of the
shell, cover the ground before4bem
for hundreds nf yards with a feu
d'enfer , ns of a whole regiment tir
ing volleys.
Such an implement of destruc
tion is very well to talk about; but
when its violence is directed against
oneself, there is less pleasure in the
contemplation. Clearly I had slept
so long that the ordinary afternoon
practice had begun, and irom two
guns evidently, or tba one shot
could not have followed the other
so rapidly. Only a few seconds
had I for these thoughts, ere I saw a
red flash leap out from tlu flag
crowned hatterry on the shore. In
stantly I dived as deep as I could,
and heard, deadened by the water
above me, the sharp report of the
shell. As I rose to the surface
again, T saw white splinters on the
wood work of the target, that show
ed how true the aim had been.
Scarce!) had I time to take breath
when tho red flash leaped again,
and again I dived. They were good
gun detachments—not e better any,
where; and the guns werolightones
—lO-pounders. Often had I com
peted myself in a raro with time,
running the gun up again almost
before the recoil had ceased, and
ramming home shot end cartridge
ere it had reache I its former posi
tion again. Now no doubt my
comrades were hart! at work won
dering, perhaps, what had become
of me.
Eight separate times had I dived
and my strength was failing fast.
Even now there was a ringing noise
in my heat! which almost stultified
me, and was growing more painful
every instant. If I stood up on
the frame work and tried to signal
to the shore, I must stand at least
one shot, and that was almost cer
tain deeth.
Even in that desporato moment
an absurd idea eame into my head,
as such things will como some
limes. I had read somewhere of
an ingenious recipe for finding a
safe place on ship-board in action
bv putting one’s head out at a hole
where a shot had come in, relying
on the improbability of another
entering at the orifice. There was
one corner of the frame-work splin
tered by several bullets; to it I
crept, and held on desparingly.
Another flash from the battery.
This time I could see the she’i
coming like a black speck in the
sky. Anxiously I watched for the
Imrst to come; hut this time it
came not, and the shell plunged
into the sea fifty yards short, throw
ing up a mighty pillar of water,
and ricoe.hetting away far over mv
head. Was the fuze blind ? I asked
myself. No; there was another
n ,p 'h and another rush through the
air, and euleu piunce in the sea be
yond the target. Shrapnel prac
tice was over, and they were firing
plugged shell.
Now rr never was my time. I
climbed on to the woodwork,
sprang to my feet, and waved my
hands. From the shore I must
have looked very much like a pict
ure of Andromeda, chained to her
rook. I was too late, however, to
escape a shot. Once more the red
flash spouted forth, and I heard the
omnious rush corning nearer and
nearer, till with a roar of an ex
press train it rushed past my head,
carrying away with it the left hand
top corner of the target, and hull
ing it far into the sea beyond. The
concussion seemed to tear my feet
from under me, and I fell striking
my head against the frame work
I had just, sense Cnoug to prevmt
myself falling into tho sea. My
last glance at the shore showed the
flag hoisted half mast high; and
then I mst have fainted away, for
I remember no more till I found
myself lying on my bed, with the
surgeon-major applying strong am
monia to my nostrils with marvel
ous effect. I have little more to
tell. Watching the effect of the
shot from the battery, they had
seen me standing there, just too
late to prevent the gun being fired,
had ceased the practice, and got
the boat out without delay, though
with a very faint hope of finding
me alive. Cf course the story was
made a standing joke against rne
ever after, and I must own that 1
deserved it. Nevertheless, I have
at least the saliabletion of consid
ering that when we go forth again
to fight the Russians or tho Ger
mans,or whatever other nation may
elect to try with us a game of war
on a large scale, I am never likely
to be much nearer
“The straight and dreadful pass of
[death”
than I was that day on the sands
ol‘Jhoohuryness. — London Society.
Weather Sign*.
There are certain weather signs that
are a good deal fob" relied upon. If
at night you observe a remarkabte
clearness of the atmosphere near tne
horizon, and an unusual brilliancy or
twinkling of the stars, it indicates unu
sual humidity in the upper regions of
the atmosphere, and is therefore an
Indication of approaching min. Dew
and fogs are indication of tine weath
er, and halos, corona;, etc., indicate
rain or snow. When the outlines of
cumulus clouds arc sharp, it indicates
a dry atmosphere, and, therefore, fine
weather. A light scud driving across
hazy clouds indicates heavy wind and
rain. When the upper clouds move in
a direction diltercu: from that of the
lower clouds, or that of the wind then
blowing, i lie wind will soon change.—
Chicago Tunes.
Widow Jones’s Cow.
Goodman Jones died at the nge
of fifty, and was gathered to his
fathers, leaving a widow about his
jwn age. About the same time
Aunt Smith died too, and her case
was parra’lel to Goodman Jones’s
in all except her sex; we presume
she was gathered to her mothers.
t*ho left a disconsolate widower
over whose head just as many years
had rolled, as the widow Jones
had counted. This was allowed on
all hands to be an astonishing co
incidence.
All the women pitted widower
Smith, poor man, and all tho men
commiserated with widow Jones,
poor woman. Widow Jones had a
large farm; so had the widower
Smith. Widow Jones had a large
dairy; so lmd the widower Smith.
As to the acres of mowing, tillage
and wood-land, each had an equal
share; and in children Providence
had blessed both alike. “Wlmt
upon nirth” either could do with
these vast posessions alone, the old
women declared they could not
tell. This difficulty suggested a
ready remedy, and gossips_did not
let the defunct man and woman
get co’d in their graves belore they
made up their minds the relicts
should he yoked together, and the
e-ae 1 , hereditamenti and property
personal and real, be held in joint
proprietnrstilp. Matches, they said,
were made in Heaven; and that
this was there made, they consider
ed the essential preperation of wid
owhood, in each case, positive
proof.
Widow Jones and neighbor
Smith were not long in 'nearing
what gossip was astit; and it had
even been insinuated that each
had arrived at the conclusion
above named before anybo’y
thought of them. It is certain that
when each requested the prayers of
the congregation that the bereave
ment might he sanctified, widower
Smith iooked pretty steadily over
tlu rail of his pew at the seat of
widow Jones; and then widow
Jones moved her handkercbeif
from her pye3 just long enough to
see how her companion in bereave
ment supported himself. After
church they walked beside each
otter so far as the roads lay to
gether, and once during the next
week widower Smith paid widow
Jones a short, visit of condolence.
So far so good—hut visits of
condolence go out of dale like al
manacs, and cannot be used as a
pretext after a certain season. Some
ot.hef arrangement must he trump
ed up, and widower Smith was not
long in finding it. His wagon slop
ed one morning before widow
Jones’s door, and he gave the usual
country signal that he wanted to
see somebody in the house, by
droping the reinsand sitting double
with his elbows on his knees.
Out tripped the widow, lively
as a criol e , with a tremondhus
black ribboi, on licj show white
cap. Good morning was said on
both sides, and the widow waited
for what was further to be said.
“Well, Madam Jones, perhaps
you don’t waul to sell one of your
cows, nohow, for nothing, anyway,
do you?”
“Well, there, Mr. Smith you
couldn’t have spoken my mind
better. A poor lone woman like
tne does not know what to do with
so many creatures; and I shall be
glad to trade if we can fix it.”
So they adjourned to the mead
ow. Farmer Smith looked at Roan
—then at the widow; at Brindlc —
then at the widow; at the Down
ing cow—and then at the widow
again;and soon through the whole
forty.
The same call was made every
day for a week, hut Farmer Smith
cold not decide which cow he want
ed. At length on Saturday, when
widow Jones was in a hurry to get
through her baking for Sunday,
and had ever -<> much to do in
the house—as ail farmers wives
and widows have on Saturday—
she was a little impatient. Farmer
Smith was as irresolute as ever.
“That ’ere Downing is a pretty
fair creature but ”
He stopped to lot k at the wid
ow’s face, ar.d then walked around
her —not the widow, but the cow.
NO. 26.
'•That 'cro shorthorn Durham is
not a had looking beast, but I duu
no
Another look at the widow.
“The Downing cow I knew iorg
before the late Mr. Jones boughs,
her.”
Here ho sighed at the allusion tor
the late Mr. Jones; she sighed, and
both looked at each other. It was a
very interesting moment.
!‘old Iloan is a faithful old milch,
and so is Brindle—but 1 have
known better.”
A long stare succeeded this
speech; the pause was getting awK
ward, and at last widow Jones
broke out:
'Law, Mr. Smith! if I'm, the cow
yon want, do say so!”
The intentions, of widower Smith
and widow Jones were duly publish
ed the next day, ns is the law and
custom in Massachusetts, and as
soon ns they were “out published”
they were married.
Some of Alex. Stephens’s Jokes oil
Himself.
‘get up sonnfy.’
Mr. Stephens tells some amusing
incidents of his own experience, ac
cording to Mr. Speer, who had
brought all the jokes away with
him. lie was a delegate to a fa
mous political convention at
Charleston before the war, and put
up at one of the best hotels, kept
by an excellent woman. After din
ner Mr. Stephen ! went in the par
lor and lay down on the sofa.
There were quite a number of gen
tlemen in the parlor; and the bust
ling landlady, looking* ufter too
comfort of her guests, camo„in and,
seeing his small figure reclining at
full length, said to him with a
shake by the shoulder, “Get up,
sonny, and let some of these grown
men sit down on that sofa.” Mr.
Stephens said he without a
word, but the way the story is told
by others, the day afterwards,
when he replied to some of the
most famous men of the Carolinas
and overthrew them in debate, the
confusii n of the good landiaby was
something wonderful.
ANOTHER GOOD ONE.
Another time Mr. Stephens was
going to Cassville to speak. It was
in the heyday of his fame and
popularity as a stumper. lie stayed
all night witli an old man up in
Cass,now Bartow,county. Hedidn’t
inquire the name of his host,
nor did the host know who the
guest was. The next morning, as
he told his kind entertainer good
bye, the old man told him that ha,
would be up in Cassville after
awhile—-that ho was going up to
hear Stephens—and asked if his.
guest had ever seen Mr. Stepheni?..
Mr. Stephens replied “Yes, I have
seen him often, and expect to hear
him to-day.” The good farmer was
very much astonished when later
in the day he saw the littlo man,
but great comrnower, take the
stand,to sustain the fame of per
haps the hist orator in the coun
try.
The Columbus Ka'piirer-Sim saysr
The follow ing Incident of the big snow
and the wood famine may be of interests
to some of your readers, and it is but
just l i'lt such acts should be known,
A certain poor widow always bought
tier wood of a certain old colored man
living a few miles from yodr city in
Kus-tell county. This mail had but
one poor little steer to draw his little
fifty cent load, and that steer had been
sick and in rather bad orde-, but when
the widow sent word to him that
had no wood, lie loaded Ids little vehi
cle, and that site might not hick for
kindling, he put in some bits of ligb
wood, which had been stored away I
the purpose oi‘ tar, and stalled on ft;
errand of mercy. He and the tt ■ •
slipped to their knees on the snow
tee several times on the way. > ~r
town lie was boseiged by people o;;
ing him $1.50 for Ids load, win
steadily refused until lie reached tin
widow’s bouse, who insisted on '.i ■
taking a dollar, but be would ink;- ut
fifty cents. This man’s iia.no is I' ter
Evans.
An ill-looking fellow was a. !;o'
how tie could account for Natnr.
forming him so ugly. “Nature w;u»
not to blame,” Haiti he. ‘ for I was
two monthsold, and was considered
the handsomest chilti in the neigh
borhood, but my nurse, to revenges
herself upon my parents f< r some
fancied injury at their hat ds, one
day swapped vie away ftr another
hoy belonging to a friend of hfci v
whose child was father p'nin look
ing.”