Newspaper Page Text
GALLAHER'S INDEPENDENT,
PUBLISHED EVEIiV SATUUDAY AX
QUITMAN, (A. ,
BY
J.C. GALLAHER.
TERMS OF SI'BSCRIPTION I
Tiro DOLLARS per Annum in Adrnnce.
[From the HuvwnuAh Humiug Newj.J
ON THE HUNT FOR NEWS.
A LnftraM th< Lift of * Reporter,
The average citizen who opens his favor
ite paper in the morning and scans over its
teeming columns of reading matter in
Search of something to interest, edify or
amuse him, scarcely if ever bestows a
thought upon the amount of unceasing la
bor, ability and enterprise that is called
Into requisition in procuring and present
ing in resdable shape the news of the pre
ceding twenty-four hours. Nor does he
reflect that often the details of some hor
rible crime, terrible accident or thrilling
sensation which interest deeply the entire
Community, are often obtained at the oust
Of time, patience, diplomacy and risk.
The experience of a Reporter for the
duily press, therefore, as may be imagin
ed, is varied and exciting; often amusing,
and sometimes not so much so. He sees
oil the phases of life, and in his hunt for
news is not unfrequently brought face to
face with the most abandoned of creatures
and the most eminent of the land. In
deed, to speak figuratively, it may be said,
in the prosecution of the peculiar and ar
duous duties of his profession, ho travels
from the “cream of royalty to the mud
sinks of plcbianism. ” Thus, it will be
seen that the Reporter must necessarily
have his mind stored with memories of
many exciting, dangerous, pathetic anil
ludicrous incidents, connected with his
experience. Asa general thing, however,
he is rather taciturn concerning such, and
only to personal friends does he relax,
oud in genial mood narrate the adventures
of a midnight investigation into some re
iwrted crime, or the successful tracing up
of the history of a horrible murder. He
is a good judge of human nature, and de
spises anything having a semblance to
boasting or self notoriety, and consequent
ly rarely permits himself to recount any
affair in which he personally bears a con
spicuous part,.
Tliis, preliminary to the following ob
tained recently in conversation with a re
porter of the Morning Mem, which may
be said to border somewhat upon the serto
comic order, os, notwithstanding the un
pleasant predicament in which he found j
himself, and the threatening aspect of af
fairs at the time, the reporter came off all
right, and with his note book crammed
w ith dots, which were subsequently elabor
ated in a thrilling article.
While duseussing the lights and shad
ows of the profession, the reporter abrupt
ly remarked, “By the way, did I ever tell
you alxuit the time I had getting the facts
of tluit suicide case ?”
“No, how was it?”
“Wei' you remember in the spring of
18— thero was some excitement occasioned
by the shocking suicide of , a stran
ger, who had come to Savannah a short
time previously. I had been out on busi
ness late and was about retnruiug to the
office when I encountered a friend who
told me I could obtain some interesting in
formation concerning tlie past life of the
suicide by going to a little grocery in the
extreme eastern portion of the city. The
night was as dark as Erebus and rain was
falling in torrents, so the prospect of such
a tramp was anything but inviting, butthe
bell in the Exchange ringing out 11
o'clock admonished me if I desires! the
information I had no time to debate upon
the question. Hurrying to the ofliee I de
posited my “mem.,” and bnttouiug my
coat proceeded rapidly down the Bay, and
thence throngh dark, wet, deserted streets
to the locality mentioned. As I approach
ed the place, a low, ncketty looking frame,
K faint, sickly light streaming from the
dirty window, gave evideuco that the oc
cupants wore up, and in a few minutes I
was at the door, which was closed.
Opening it, I tripped over tbo miserable
sill, and was nearly precipitated at full
length upon the floor of a dingy, dimly
lighted har-room—not a grocery, ns I had
expected. Recovering myself quickly,
and glancing around 1 discovered there
Were several persons in the room. A stout,
red-faced man in his shirt sleeves, with a
Bhort pipe botween his lips, sat at a ronnd
table, upon which was a black bottle, sev
eral glasses, and a pack of cards. In front
of him, lolling on chairs, Were two large,
rough-looking, muscular men, and a short
distance off was a red haired girl, over
whose auburn curls I am undecided
whether sixteen or thirty summers had
passed, her face being no index to her age.
A surly looking fellow with hair crop
ped short, who was apparently very busy
doing nothing behind the bar, compris
ed the occupants of this nniuviting place.
My abrupt entrance had evidently in
terrupted an edifying conversation, and
the parties turned towards me faces in
which I could not, strange to say, detect
the slightest shade of expression of pleas
urable surprise; in truth there was a look
in the eyes of one of the big fellows,
which seemed to say, ‘ 'Who the deace are
you and what do you mean by stumbling
in here at this hour ?” However, I didn’t
allow these pleasant thoughts to divert me
from my object, and turning to tho stout
individual in his shirt sleeves, who was
guarding the black bottle and puffing vil
lainous tobacco through a short pipe, po
litely inquired if he was the proprietor of
the palatial saloon. An affirmative nod
was his reply, and I was about opening
the interview, when one of the big fellows
who had been sprawling over a chair sud
denly raised himself, and leering at me,
said: “What yer going to hav to drink,
stranger V”
(Catlaljcr’s imVpnuVnt
VOL. 11.
“Thank you,” I replied, “I don't care
to drink now 1”
My tone was exceedingly mild, but
strange to say, it didn’t have a soothing
effect upon this hospitablo person.
“Oh," replied lie, in a most significant
tone and with a villainous leer that gave me
an unpleasant sensation, “Yeronoof them
nice fellers, aint yer?"
“No, I am obliged to you; but I really
don’t desire a drink,” was my polite re
joinder.
Up bounced the fellow, (at the same
time his comrade, who had been booziug,
around, and showed Borne interest), and
zig sagging towards me, said,
“Well, look a-here, my fren, if yer stay
in this crowd yer got to drink something.
Now what yer have?” and dowu came his
fist on the counter with such force as to
make the bar-keeper blink.
"Oh, well,” said I, “there’s no use mar
ring the pleasure of the company. I will
take a little claret.”
"Claretbod —dt" exclaimed this im
portunate host; “give him a stiff whisky, I
Captain Pete.” And theu, suddenly turn- j
ing to me, ho said: Look a-here, what's
ver name?"
“Robbins is my name,” I replied.
“What Robbins?” he asked.
‘ ‘George, ” I said.
“Ha! ha!” roared the fellow. “George
Robbins—that’s ah—ll of a name. Here,
let me interdoose my friend, ‘Liverpool
Jim;’bully fellow—stretch a fellow out
with one tap of his bunch.”
Evidently pleased with this commenda
tion “Liverpool Jim” extended a tremen
dous palm, and taking my hand nearly
wretched my arnj off, as he said, “Glad to
meet yer, Bobbins.” His oomorade,
hugely delighted at having made mo ac
quainted with such an important person
age as “Liverpool Jim,” brought up the
short-haired fellow whom he announced
as “Big Pete.” otherwise “Capen Pete,”
and the same formality of acquaintance
was gone through.
He then said: “Now look at me, Rob
kins. Think yer know me if yer was to
see me again.” I replied I thought it
highly probable I would. “Well, seo
hero, my name is ‘Bill,’ ‘New York Bill;
beat Buffalo Bill all to h 1 with the
little shooter. Bet yer five dollars I can
take yer hat off with a rifle three hund
red yards. Let’s shako hands. Ribbons.
’Member my name’s New York Bill."
Want to see me slioot?”
I shook hands with “New York Bill,”
and mildy intimated to him that I was sat
isfied he win the crack shotof the country,
and that I had no desire to reap fame over
his shoulders by standing as a target.
By this time the drinks were ready
raising ray glass I gave toast to the noble
trio, and deftly poured the villainous com
pound down the sleeve of my coat. This
little conventionality seemed to have a
mollifying effect upon “Liverpool Jim,”
as he suggested I could now proceed with
my “gab with the boss,” He then edged
up to the red haired damsel, (who liad up
to this time been an admiring, though
silent, spectator of the “introduction
drama”) and a mysterious buzzing ensued.
“New York Bill” and “Big I’ete” then
commenced a series of gymnastic, or
rather acrobatic performances over the
chairs and counter, the like of which I
bad never seen before, and probably never
will again. They had taken off their coats
and vests, and marie things rather lively.
Whilst these preparations wero going on
however, I had taken a seat opposite the
“proprietor,” and opened the conversa
tion with some leading questions con
cerning the object of my visit. He soon
became quite voluble, and as he was
spinning out his yarn, I kept one eye on
the choice crowd ns I dotted down my
notes.
In about ten minutes “Liverpool Jim,”
tiring of his red haired charmer, moved
off, and rather impatiently said, “Here,
aint yer most through with that gab ?
Bring some more drinks.” The liquor
was brought and “Liverpool Jim” inter
rupted the interview by insisting on “all
hands drinking to ‘New York Bill’ and
‘Liverpool Jim,’ the best men traveling.
A compliance with this request (I exe
cuting the same manoeuvre as before in
throwing away the whisky, tho very smell
of which gave me cold chills,) soothed
“Liverpool Jim" and I soon'obtained all
the information I wanted, and, thanking
the proprietor, arose to leave.
I had anticipated some trouble at this
point and whilst “Big Pete” and “New
York Bill” were tumbling over the chairs
and "Liverpool Jim” was courting the
girl, I had cautiously moved my chair
close to the door. As I got up there was a
general movement, and “Liverpool Jim”
sliding to the front, said: “Yer ain’t
going my covey 'out another drink, Yer
can’t treat ns that way.” The other two
joined in the chorus, the propriotor
remaining a mute but apparently inter
ested listener.
I had reached the door, however, and
grabbing the knob, pulled it open; the
plaguy thing slipped, however, and went
to with a bang. I saw at a glance that
the trio, who by this time had sufficient
liqnor in them to make them “ugly,” were
determined to detain me and force me to
treat the party or run tho risk of making
my exit with a mansard roof over my
optic. So, seizing the knob again, just as
“Liverpool Jim” marie a tremendous
stride toward me, I jerked the door open
and jumped outside. The fellow was
near enough to me, however to grab my
sleeve, and nearly pulled my coat off as I
QUITMAN, GA., SATURDAY, JULY 25. 1874.
went through the door, but I wrenched
from his grasp, and in a second was on
Iho street. There was a grumble of angry
dissatisfaction from the room and, not
knowing but that I might be followed, I
stood not upon the order of going, hut
went at once and pretty rapidly, too until
I reached the more nettled portion of the
city.”
(New York correupnmtence Chicago Tribune.)
THE BEECHER-TILTON BUSINESS.
Slight (slliuof the Truth.
The story of how Mrs. Tilton came to
go before the Investigating Committee has
never been told from an autboritative!
source. At the correspondent's request,
Mr. Tilton related it as told by his wife, j
Her association's all along have been
prominent members of the Plymouth \
Church and warm friends of Mr. Beecher, j
By them she has been urged from time to
time to go forward and tell all she knew [
of the difficulty, and end the scandal at
once and forever. Tlio cause of religion !
had already been injured by it, and the
prosperity of Plymouth Church was eu-1
dungered. If her husband lmd spoken ■
the truth, and was suffering from appro- |
hensions that be had spoken falsely, it was |
her duty to vindicate him. If her pastor j
was the injured man,
it was hbh duty to repute tub hinted
CHARGES,
of her husband. This advice did its work,
and the result was that, through a friend,
she asked Mr. Beecher what, it was best
for her to do. Mr Beecher announced
that it would not Improper for him to see
or advise her in the matter, but recom
mended her to his lawyer, Gen. Benjamin
P. Tracy, one of the most prominent
members of the Brooklyn Bar. She wrote
to Gen. Tracy, who replied by n]q>ointing
an interview for last Thursday evening at
the residence of a mutual acquaintance,
who, it is needless to say, was ono of
Beecher’s friends. She was at tho place
named at the stated hour. Gou. Tracy
appeared promptly. He
ADVISED IIELI TO TESTIFY BF.FOHE THE COM
MITTEE,
and told her wlmt questions she might ex
pect to be asked. While they were yet
conversing, al! tlje members of the Inves
tigating Committee came in, one by one,
without doubt by preconcerted arrange
ment, and someone remarked that the
present was a convenient time for her ex
amination. Everybody thought this was a
remarkably apt suggestion, and it was ac
ted upon.
MRS. TTETON WAS ONLY ASKED TWO QUES
TIONS:
First. Was there ever any improper in
tercourse between Mr. Beecher and your
self ? and, second, did Mr. Beecher ever
make any improper overtures to you ?
To both these questions she answered no,
then the lady made a brief address. Bhe
insisted that botli her husband and Mr.
Beecher were great, honorable and worthy
men, -who were at loggerheads through u
singular misapprehension. Hho dwelt on
the harm done to the cause of Christi
anity by the false stories circulated about
Mr. Beecher which put him who had
forty years been urging on the people the
beauty and wisdom of a virtuous and
religious life, in the light of a hypocrite
and knave, and spoke of tho sufferings of
her husband till nearly all her hearers
were in tears. Thus closed the examina
tion. “Poor woman," suid Mr. Tilton to
your correspondent.
“SHE IS OUII.TY OF DELIBERATE FALSEHOOD
on that occasion, but it was from tho best
of motives in tho world.”
In response to a question as to his mo
tives for keeping silence so long, and at
last e, nsenting to make specific charges,
Mr. Tilton said that all his personal
friends, who knew the facts had before
Mrs. Tilton announced that henceforth
their paths lay apart advised him to
KEEP SILENCE FOR HER HAKE,
and as this accorded with his owu senti
ments, he had done so; but now that, by
leaving him, she had withdrawn herself
from his protection and, to a certain ex
tent, from his pity, ho was no longer un
der obligations to keep silence. His
friends now insisted that it was his duty
to himself and to his children to mako a
statement, and prove that he had not
been heedlessly or deliberately swearing
away a man’s reputation. These were the
motives of his conduct. He had made
little progress with tho statement. Ho
was constantly interrupted by reporters of
the local press, who when he had declined
to unburden himself of all his secrets to
them went away and manufactured stories
and published them in their respective
papers as coming from him.
THE DOCUMENT WOULD BE BEADY, HOWEVER,
when the time for his appearance before
the committee arrived, next Monday
night. It would be carefully drawn and
affidavit made to its truth in every par
ticular.
Answering further questions, Mr. Til
ton said that his friends were very indig
nant at the audacity and wickedness—yes,
he thought he was justified in saying
wickedness —of Mr. Beecher in appoint
ing a committee to make an investigation
of the case. None understood better than
Mr. Beecher the intense misery that an
impartial investigation of the facts must
engender. If Mr. Beecher anticipated
that his committee would make a fair in
vestigation and render an honest verdict,
his act in forming it was identical with the
cool signing of a warrant for tho utter
j ruin of an innocent man’s (Tilton’s) home,
; and issuiug the dcutli warrant, of his own
' reputation as an honorable Christuin man;
but he doubted if Mr. Beecher anticipated
Buy such thing. It was merely a pieco of
bravado, though of the most womlorful
bravado under the circumstances on record.
Mr. Beecher believed, he supposed, that
j the offer to have an investigation would
{ exonerate himself before the publio, and
j that (ho reluctance of liis accuser to make
specific charges, since it would affect the
reputatiou of one who had been cherished
by him (the accuser,) would not bo over
come even by this last great provocation.
j THE SBPERATION OF Mil. AND MRS. TILTON,
j was very quietly made. On Sunday she
notfied him of her intention. He assent
j ed, and she went away. The wife has no
j ill-will for her husband, neither has the
| husband any for the wife. That this is
: now proved. Since Saturday they have
mutually agreed that papers of separation
! should be drawn up in legnl form. It
was proposed that the matter bo left to the
respective lawyers of the two. Mr. Tilton
refused to do this, and said lie was con
tent to leave it in the hands of Mrs. Til
ton’s step-father, who, while he retains nil
his affection for his daughter, has been
and still is a warm personal friend of Mr.
Tilton is having papers drawn deeding the
beautiful house, and all that it contains, to
Mrs. Tilton. The act is done without
solicitation. When the papers of sepera
tion are finished, Mrs. Tilton will return
to her old home, and he who Inis shared it
with her for many years goes out from it
forever, leaving behind him all the beauti
ful pictures, rare books—everything ex
cept. perhaps a few books of reference.
Tho children, who are now with him, will
remain in the house with their mother.
Mr. Tilton w ill lake rooms in New York.
DOWN WITH'THE NEGRO!
The article below, from the New Or
leans Dullelin, needs no introduction.
The white man who can read it and not
feel his blood tingle in his veins, is but
one remove from the negro:—
THE IIUIEI’UUSSIBLB CONFLICT.
The all-important question presented
for the consideration and determination
of the white voters in this State is: Does
the present attitude of the negro in Louis
iana demand and justify the Caucasian race
in organizing themselves into a separate
political party, based upon distinctions of
Color ? As is well know n to the readers
of the Bulletin, we, in common with
ninety-nine hundredths of the people of
this Commonwealth, maintain the affirma
tive of this proposition, and we are not
without weighty and convincing reasons
to support us in the conclusion at which
we have arrived after duo deliberation.
To those in whose ears delusive hope is
ever whispering the false and deceptive
promise that the negroes will yet be won
back to love and esteem tho Southern
whites as their friends and well-wishers,
we propose to address a few words and
suggest a few ideas for reflection.
The entire legislative department of tho
Kellogg usurpation is to day in the hands
and under tho, absolute dominion of the
most ignorant, degraded and corrupt set
of negro thieves and scoundrels that ever
disgraced a civilized country. But lew,
very few of those soi ilisant lawmakers are
able to read and write with facility, much
less to understand tho difficult science of
government. Among the present Kellogg
Senators, one-half of whom hold over for
tho next two years, there is not a single
lawyer. Even the chairman of their Ju
diciary Committee knows nothing of tho
laws and Jurisprudence of this State, save
what he has acquired as a litigious suitor
in the courts of his parish and os a mem
ber of the negro Senate. Tho House of
Representatives is, if anything, inferior to
tho Senate in intellectual capacity, but fur
surpasses it iu legislative rascality.
The Speaker stands indicted before the
United States|Court for embezzlement, and
the chairman of one of their most impor
tant committees is a notorious burglar,
whose picture ornamented, at one time,
the rogues’ gallery of tho metropolitan
police. Scarcely a corporal’s guard of
these legislators are free from the suspi
cion of open bribery, and proof of their
guilt is evident to the most casual observer.
Their sessions are characterized by vul
garity, buffoonery, boisterousness and an
utter disregard of all amenities and cour
tesies usual and customary in assemblages
of gentlemen. On the lust night of the
past session a perfect pandemonium pre
vailed in the House, convincing those
who witnessed that disgraceful scene that
chaos had come again. All of these men
who have turned legislation into a roaring
farce oppressed and ruined Louisiana for
the past six years, are candidates for
re-election and it will not be tho fault of
Kellogg and his minions if their aspira
tions are not crowned with success.
In the of the de facto
State Government the most important
offices are administered by negro iucnm
bents. Of the seven State officers four
are negroes, viz.: Lieutenant Governor,
Superintenedent of Public Education, Sec
retary of State and Treasurer, all of whom
wero nominated and voted for by their
dusky constituents, not on account of any
peculiar fitness for the offices they usurp,
but chiefly because of the color of thier
skius.
The parochial offices in the conutry,
, Sheriffs, Clerks of Court, Constables and
•Police Jurors, are almost executively
filled by negroes appointed by Kellogg.
Now, while it is true that tho judiciary
department is still administered by white
men, with the exception of some few ne
gro Parish Judges and many Justices of
the Peace, this fact is, nevertheless, at
tributable to a provision in our State Con
stitution, which requires Judges of the
Supreme and District Courts to be learned
in the law, and there never was, and never
will be, n descendant of Ham who could
understand the grand and intrientet prin
ciples of civil jurisprudence nnd civil law.
Even tho invulnerable and loquacious T.
Morris Chester—ho whoso hard skull suc
cessfully resisted the leaden bullet of Pinch
back’s pistol—was unable to undergo an
examination for admission to the bur and
obtain a licenso to practieo law in this
Stato, until Kellogg’s black-and-tan Legis
lature came to liis relief nnd passed for his
especial benefit "an act to admit. Ameri
can citizens who have studied law in the
legal institutions of Franco, Germany or
England, to practice in the several courts
of Louisiana upon making oath or affirma
tion of tho fact. ”
During tho present term of our District
Courts this aablo "limb of the law,”aided
nnd assisted by white men (who have, for
filthy lucre, prostituted a noble profession
to the persecution of their own race), has
occupied himself in formontiug nml en
couraging numerous damage suits by ig
norant negroes against the proprietors of
hotels, saloons. bar-rooms, nnd other
places of public resorts to enforce so
cial equality. These annoying and vexa
tious litigations have grown to such an
alarming extent, under the partisan rulings
of some of our political judges, that they
threaten to sap and destroy our whole so
cial fabric.
Our public school system has been ruin
ed and the school funds, wrung by oppres
sive nnd galling taxation from impoverish
ed white property holders, have been
squandered for political purposes or em
bezzled by members of negro school boards,
appointed by the negro Superintendent
of Public Education. The attempt of
these insolent ignoramuses to enforce
mixed schools, has compelled white par
ents to withdraw their children from the
public and place them 'it private schools,
or keep them at home, deprived of the
facilities for obtaining an education, rather
than submit to such degrading associa
tions.
The military of the State is composed
exclusively of negro troops, commanded
by negro officers. Look at them as they
pass through our streets on parade days,
and, from the stately strut of the stalwart
barber to tho lazy limp of the lowest
private in the ranks, every movement
proclaims the vanity, egotism and love of
display of the A friean race. While these
rude ruffians are supplied with arms and
munitions of war—aro drilled and dis
ciplined for active service, the whites are
disarmed (as they wero at Davidson’s
Court) and deprived of all weapons for
protection and defense.
Not are the blacks united as one
man politically and prepared with arms
for any emergency, but they have also
formed labor associations in opposition to
tho whites. In Terrebonne and other
parishes, last winter, they created riots
and encouraged lawlessness.
Even here in our city negro Longshore
men, aided and abetted by tho negro Leg
islature, who even passed an act to protect
them iu their outrages, have constantly
annoyed and iuterferred with our steam
boatmen and ship captains, and in some
instances their acts have provoked riots
which have resulted iu bloodshed and mur
der.
Men of Louisiana ! the above are but a
few of the many wrongs which negro rule
and negro supremacy have brought upon
you. Meditate upon them, and you must
conclude that the irrepressible conflict of
races is actually raging at your doors. We
cannot avoid or escape the issuo which lias
been forced upon üb. Tho straggle must
continue until the white people regain tho
ascendancy. There is no middle ground
iu this contest. You must go with tho
people of your own race or against them.
And our word for it, if you prove half as
true to your race and color as tho ignor
ant, degraded negro does to his, not many
moons will wax and wane before you can
say truthfully that this is again a white
man’s government/ Either this, or Lou
isiana must rapidly follow in the footsteps
of Hayti and St. Domingo.
A Telescopic View of the Moon.— By
means of a good telescope a very distinct
view may be obtained of the moon. With
a power of 1,000 wo are, aa it were,
brought within 239 miles of its surface,
and on very favorable occasions a power
even higher than this has been applied.
With the highest power, however, yet em
ployed, no trace of any inhabitants hns
been discovered, though any largo town
must have been seen, did such exist on the
visible side. Kven to the naked eye the
moon presents the appearance of a rugged
and uneven surface, and telescopic obser
vation confirm this opinion. Wefind that
in many parts of its surface very high
mountains exist, and the elevation of
many of these have been measured by ob
serving the shadows cast by them when
the sun shines obliquely. At the time of
full moon these shadows, that havo hither
to been so conspicuous, disappear, as the
sun then shines vertically upon them.
Very accurate maps hnvo now been drawn
of the moon's surface on a large scale, and
the principal mountains have received
names, usually those of celebrated astrono
mers. One peak, named Newton, is found
to have an elevation of nearly 24,000 feet,
and several others are very lofty.
DRO WNIN MODERN A WIRE.
The Brown we mean is a merchant. He
is a member of the Society for tbe Diffu
sion of Useful Knowledge, President of
tho Alphabetical Tin Plate Society, and a
pillar of liis church. He is what we call
highly respectable, one of the "oldest and
best” No papsr goes better than liis.
Bank president* touch their bats to him;
iusiirauce presidents take all his country
risks at minimum rates; and tradesmen
fall dowu and worship him. In u word,
Brown is to Iks envied. He is tho pink
of perfection; children ery for him, and
he looks like an adult cherub. Not a
word can bo said against him; no one has
the temerity to slumler him; calumny pas
ses him by and seek some other object.
But Brown is in business; lie secretly
worships Mammon; he hunts energetically
the dollar, and in his domestic privacy
prays to it. Times sre hard a panic comes
and Brown is threatened with financial
trouble. He investigates and prepares a
statement of his affairs, nnd finds that he
can pay what he owes and still have a very
comfortable sum left. His debts are
heavy; they reach a quarter of a million:
he sees his chance. “Brown,” lie soldo
quizes, in the solitude of his chamber,
"you must fail. Brown," he continues,
“you“must force your creditors to a com
promise." The public are struck with
horror. Brown's office has been closed
for three days. What is the matter ?
Creditors become frantic-—they seek infor
mution—tho wildest rumors prevail, and
as hope dies away, Brown calls them
together. They meet ill his gorgeously
furnished drawing-room, Brown enters,
bows stiffly, explains his difficulties ami
retires. His solicitor speaks of his exten
sive charities, of his high-toned character
and his pure morality. Misfortune loves a
shining mark. Brown has lost money,
and now, like an honest man, wishes to
divide what is left among those to whom
ho is justly indebted. The creditors
become unruly nnd doubt Brown’s sin
cerity. They become riotous. A chari
table member rises (tlie solicitor libb
promised him payment in full) nnd calls
upon them to be forbearing, to remember
tLe many good works of brother Brown,
to bear lightly with him. He counsels a
compromise; Brown will settle liberally
and honestly, he feels assured. They
should call him in. The disturbance is
quelled. Brown enters with an expression
of Christian resignation and meekness.
He has three propositions to make. He
will give his notes payable frT six, nine and
twelve years; or he will divide his port
folio (composed of worthless paper) among
them, or he will pay fifteen cents on the
dollar. His friends have generously come
forward and it is through their liberality
he is enabled to offer as much. He will
withdraw. They can decide which propo
sition they will accept. The creditors are
business men of great prudence and
unanimously agree to accept fifteen cents.
The papers are drawn up signed nnd sealed
and Brown goes forth among his fellow
men free of debt. He holds himself erect
opens his office nnd weurs his blushing
honors thick upon him. He merentfes his
establishment, enlarges his house presents
his wife with beautiful diamonds, enter
tains sumptuously, and advances f6 the
very pinnacle of public estimation. The
skeptical creditors shako their beads but
dare not speak their thoughts. H/o#n is
too pure, too good, too—rich— if. 0.
Picayune.
THE MOTi/eR-IN-LA Wj
Mr. Popkins, who for seven' yeafs has
been the happv owner of a preposterously
jpositive and preternaturally perplexing
mother-in-law, has written a lecture. He
was out in the back yard last night, re
hearsing it. Our contributor was out in
his back yard, and heard the opening
chapter. It went something like this:
No husband who has ever property
studied his mother-in-law can fail to be
aware that woman’s precision of heart
less villainy and evidences of intoxication
in map is often of that curiously orde# of
fine vision which rather exceeds the beat
effortAof ordinary microscopes, and sub-,
jects tae average human mind to considera
ble astonishment. The perfect ease with
which she can detect murderous proclivi
ties, Mormon instincts and addiction to
maddening liquors in a daughter's hus
band, who, to the most searching inspec
tion of most everybody else appears to be
the most watery hen pecked and general
ly intimidating young man of his uge, is
one of those common illustrations of the
infallible acuteness of feminine judge
ment, which are doing more and more
every day to establish the positive necessity
of woman's superior insight and natural
dispassionate firmness of mind for the fu
ture wisest exercise of the elective fran
chise and most just administrntioti of the
highest judicial office.
It may be said that the tooihet -fri-lnw
is the highest development of the super
natural perceptive and positive Woman,
since she usually has superior opportu
nities for tho study of man in all stages
from marriage to madness, but with her
whole sex in heres an alertness of obser
vation, as to the incredible viciousness
of tbo masculine character, which noth
ing less than a prompt and liberal appli
cation of fl attery, or u happy equivocal
reflection upon some rival sister, can
either divert or mislead for a moment.
Mr. Popkins’ mother-in-law had also
been an unseen listener up to this point,
when Mr. Popkins became conscious of
an audience consisting of a very red head,
gleaming eyes and a full set of vibratory
teeth moving towards him; a pair of arms
bared from the fists to elbow, with hands
resting upon her hips adding to the spirit
of the picture, Mr. Popkins immediately
retired through the hack gate, seeming to
feel as though he had stayed long enough.
It is more than probable be had.— Detroit
Free Frees.
What is more pleasant than to listen to
a young man who can’t sing but thinks he
can. He gets red in the face, rolls his
eyes like tops, and when the last tone is
dying out he comes in on the home-stretch
with a screech that would do honor to a
Modoc. We have a young man in our
choir who ia always ahead of time. Tbe
other Sunday the leader was just on the
point of givuig the signal, when this gent
gave a yell that raised tho hair on every
person’s head, even on that of the bold
heuded.—Danbury News.
A Connecticut man whose son was ill, ap
pealed to the physican: ‘ ‘Do bring tarn out
of it right away, doctor; do break up the fe
ver at onco even if you charge ns if lie went
through a whole course of fever.”
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A wealthy lady was incited one Sunday
by a friend to visit the Chapel of tue Five
Points MisstOn, and listen to the superior
singing of those hundreds of little waifs
for whom this charity is doing such a
noble work. On her arrival homo she
noticed the loss of a valuable sleeve-bnt
tou, and ordered her coachman to return
with a iWite to tho sii|ierintomlont, stating
her loss, arid enclosing a reward to the
finder. Iff the meantime a little girl
picked up the button, and, while admir
ing it, a had boy iu the street snatched it
from her and ran down au alley. Mho in
formed tho superintendent, who pursued
him and Obtained the button and at onco
sent, it to the owner. Then calling the
little gill; he said: “Annie, the lady wl.o
lost that button sent fne some money to
buy n present for the finder) now what
will you hate ?” “O, sir ! can J have any
thing I want?” “Anything in reason,
child.” "Then, sir, please get me a pair
of buUuu boot*/" she exclaimed, clapping
her hands with delight.
NO. 12.
Dr. Barton wnH a pnrtster to the back
bone. He said “tlio fellows of my college
wished to have an organ in tho chapel;
but 1 put a stop to it;" whether for the
sake of the puu, or because he disliked
music, is uncertain. He invited, for the
love of punning, Mr. Crowe anil Mr. Kooku
to dine with him; and having given Mr.
Birdmore, another guest, a hint to be
rather behind time, ou his appearing he'
said, Mr. Rookc, Mr. Crowe, 1 beg leave'
to introduce one Hird Mitre." He married
his niece to a gentleman of the hopeful
name of Buckle. The enterprise suc
ceeded beyond his expectation. Mrs.
Buckle was delivered of twins. "A pair
of buckles!” “Boys or girls?” inquired
a congratulating friend. The answer may
be supposed. To him, though it has been
attributed to others, belongs the glory or
the shame of having said to one who,
having reestablished his health by a diet
of milk and eggs, took a Wife: “So yort
lmvo been egged on to matrimony. I
hope tho yttlk w ill sit cosy no you."
A Chinaman entered a store in Helens,
Montana, the other day, and walking lip
to tho counter deposited a grasshopper
thereon, saying as he gazed upon tlio
clerk with a confiding look: “He too much
boppee 1 All lioppee I Stop him 1 You
sabbee ?” The obliging clerk at once
commenced measuring off niosquito-bsr, to
the intense delight of tlie heathen. The
grasshoppers had been destroying hi ir
garden,and wanting to purchase,sumo mos
quito-bar, but not knowing the name of
the article, he brought the destroyer with
him, and the clerk understood in a moment
tho article needed.
There was a party giyen in Dallas,
Kansas, and this fa the way a reporter of
that place goes into the toilet husffi/ ssy
“Miss X- -wore a red bombazine dress,
niched with point alpaca, and * vterskirt
of rose gingham, With a ryofdcr of parsley
blossoms. Her tourfrure Was particularly
noticeable, from the fact that lie# hair was
so deliciously scrambled fit front. Hho
also wore No. 9> lihte double-buttoned
gloves, No. ft store sbofc* slashed at tho
heels, and FfrrWpiffihr tObitSi'
When a yoitfrg rrmrt eoirwff to this city
from Connecticut, thufe fa Mi need of his
buying everything that coffite in his way. .
A young man of our acquaintance bought
a gridiron, and now wishes he hadn't. It
wasn’t steaks that were fried Oil it. Ho
found that out tho first night he took it
home. His face looks as though he had
been pressing it to a cane bottomed chair 1
for a cofiple of weeks. Ami all because ho
told his wife lie bought it from a very
pretty young lady.
A village shopkeeper, on entering his
shop one morning, fouhd his Robby at
tempting to throw all sorts of somersaulls
and kicking up as great n rumpus as a seal
in a t ib. “Wlmt are yon about ?" ho
inquired, looking astonished at the wild
evolutions erf the boy. “Obligln / Martha,
sir,’, replied the almost exhausted youth,
"She's writ foe a letter, and at the bottom
of the page says, ‘Turn oter, and oblige,'
and I’ve been going it for more’n half uu
hour.’'
“Tint” gives this ris “the absolute worst:”
A phragrabpb informs that "The Esqui
maux Ims returned to Dundee with upward
of ten thousand seals, calculated to yield
on'e hundred and thirty tons of oil.” This
is an evident error, for all the seals we ever
saw w ere made of wax !
When deaf and dumb love#* are married
two members of the wedding party ara
sure to be unspeakably happy,
A observing mnn lias discovered a simi
tarity between a young ladies seminary ami
a sugar-house, as both refine what is al'
ready sweet.
There is not mmeh difference between it
good roaster and a farrier: Chie is a sure
horse and the other is a horse sboer.
Yesterday morning a boy snirtife#ed up
to a yard on Eight street, where a woman
wits scratching the bosom of the earth wi:li
a rako, nnd, leaning on the lonce. said:
“Are yon going around the bacefe-yurd
after awhile ?” The woman said she
didn't know; maybe she would; whs ?
“Because,” tho boy said, “1 just saw the
cistern-lid drop on tho baby’s head a min
ute Sgo, and thought if you went round
you might lift it off. ” It is currently re
ported that the Woman went.
The Rochester Democrat nnd Chronicle
having lost all faith in Weston since hi.i
last failure, declares that “after all, tho
most famous walker of the period is 3 Ir.
Man.” It should have said to the other
fellow, “Go on West,” or, "Go Weston,
young man.” ___
Thackeray tells of an Irishwoman beg
ging of him, who, when she saw him pus
ting his hand in his pocket, cried out,
“May the blessing of God follow you all
the days of your life V* But when he dr< w
out his snuffbox, she quickly aikled, “and
never overtake you I”
A Syracuse dyer litis adopted art ingen
ious method of advertising hy turning
loose on the community a shaggy dog
dyed in all the colors of the rainbow. If
anybody calls on him for a sample color,
he simple advises them to take “a hair
of the dog,’'
“How’s business How ?” inquires one
Nashville merchant of another, yesterday.
“Dull; fearfully dull," was the reply.
“The fact is, nobody bays anything just
now but provisions and whisky—the bure
necessaries of life, us it were.”
An Oswego paper describes a fire by
saying that “The red flames danced iu the
heavens and hung their fiery arias
übout like a blank funeral pall until Hum
Jones got on the roof and doused them
out with a bail of water.”
A Country enrate complained to old Pr.
South that lie received only five pounds
for preaching a certain sermon at Oxford,
“Five pounds !” said the doctor; “why, I
wouldn’t have preached that sermon for
fifty I”
Mrs. Marrowfat says: “When a woman’s
eye begins to look iiroimd her M-the world,
it lights with most satisfaction on some
other wome-w’s bormots that isu’sus expen
sively trimmed as he, own.”