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GALLAHER S INDEPENDENT, I'UBUSHED EVERY SATURDAY AT HUITMAN, UA., BY J. C. GALLAHER. TERMS OF SriISCHIPTIOX l TH’O DOLLARS per Annum in Ailmmce. THE DUKE S ESCAPE. A TRADITION OF BADEN. berk Yanknimcr sat l>y liin cottage door It the forest near linden, loudly engaged 111 furbishing up Mi old Uniform, when he luard the report of firearms and the clash bf swords in the distance. His military ardor - for he Was a veteran who had serv ed with honor in the armies of stout John Wolfgang, Duke of ISaden—was aroused by the sound; and he hastened into his Cottage to procure his good broadsword Khd aid the party assailed. A man dashed in at tne open door, Weathlesa from his rapid flight, and sank exhausted into a chair. He was a young man of noble presence, and wore the rich uniform of a hussar officer. But his face was pale, and his (lelisse torn and bloody. He hail evidently been wounded, and had with difficulty escaped from his assailants. “If you are a man,” he gasped, “see not your fellow-creature butchered." He rose and glanced through the door. “I have eaoftjMsl them," he continued, more calmly. “Why didn’t yon wait until I came up ?” cried the veteran, flourishing his sword vigorously. “I would have shown yon all the backsword play of the Heavy Alsa tians,’ such ns we practiced under old John. A scratch on the arm,” he contni ncd, with solicitude, as he perceived that the fugitive was wounded. “Here's a shawl of my daughter’s.” He skilfully IxMind it nronud the wound, to stop the effusion of blood. “And here’s a small drop of brandy,” bringing a flask from his cnpboard, “but it's better than all tlio doctor’s stuff in the world.” The young man, who had again sunk into a chair, apparently faiut from the loss of blood, was visibly affected by these of fices of kindness. “This act, I promise you, shall not go unrewarded," he exclaimed. “When you kuow me—” “I know enough of you," the old soldier broke iu, bluntly; “you are in dauger; nnd wlieu you know me, you'll trust me—old John trusted uie. When Oeik Yankromer says a thing—” The young man started, ns if the name struck unpleasantly upon his ear, and pulled his hat over his brow. “Yaiikramer!” he murmured. “Yes,” answered the veteran, intent up on his memories of the past, and not ob serving the other's emotion. “I say when ( K‘lk Vankratner says a thing, you need Hot think you are dealing with the young duke. Now I hate prying into other peo- . pie’s affairs; but I wifi lay my life you have offended that I’rince, and he, being too great a coward to demand satisfaction, sent those fellows to murder you in the I woods.” His guest was by no means pleased to hear these words. “I —you—on the contrary, he is my best friend,” he stammered, confusedly. “But, my g<snl sir,” continued Vaukrn mcr, with an old soldier’s obstinacy, “will any thing short of that account for there being eut-throats in the woods, which from time out of mind, lias been us ipiiet ns paradise ? I'll wager my sword here he had a lmud iu it.” “You —you have cause to think tints?” asked the fugitive, suspiciously. ‘•Cause!” answered Vankmmer. “Of why, in common with others, I rnysolf have no complaint against him. To be mho, I served in about fifteen campaigns with hi* father. I was called his shadow; tint then, I had luy rewards. I was pro moted to lead the Alsatian dragoons, and he gave me, at my own request, his old uniform as a token of regard.” “I —I remember it,” said the young of ficer glancing at the uniform which the veteran proudly displayed. “Do you ?” cried Vankramer, delight edly. “Then yon must know they are the very coat, hat and boots in which he com manded the ImjK*rialists in 1757, and beat the Bavarians near the Mulda. ” “If I am right,” said the young officer, "he was too poor to pension you, but gave you a home in the palace. Whs it. dis creet in you to leave it for such wretched ness as this ?” He took a contemptuous survey of the Gamble dwelling as he spoke. “Why, t staid as lc<**g as X could, and was Very happy,” answered Vankramer, in his blunt, honest way, “until Duke Charles brought homo that Chevalier lie picked up in Italy; then every thing was turned topsy-turvy, and order and discip line were turned out, anti a regiment of guzzling, fiddling, yelping, lean kind of I’haraoli marched in. I thoujdrt if I stopped and looted on, old Duke John’s ghost would some night rap me Over the bond with Mr skeleton knuckles." •‘But it is possible you may bn induced to return," suggested Ms gnest. Vankramer shook hi bead negatively/ “Beturn !” he echoed, disdainfully.— “No, no; I told tire duke my mind rather too plainly for him to-lmVe me buck; be sides, could 1 bo comfortable in a place that’s- like a snttler’s tent on a pay-day ? Old Wife .John was always doing soiue tldsg for his peopleV good, or setting them a good example;'he was always abed at ten o’clock; this fellow sits np'the whole night to lie on a sofa the whole day.— Then there’s all my old companions gone —the chairs, the tables, dogs, liveries— all around out for something new. Why, Jje-has even turned out his ancestors from the gallerv to make room for a lot of naked women that lie calls the graces. Precious little grace about them, I slsould say, to go (sallal)cr's imVpemVnt VOL. 11. without their clothes. To buy all these gimeracks, he has taxed the people more than they can pay; and what’s the conse quence ? Hebelliou is on foot.” “Rebellion!" cried the young officer, incredulously. “Rebellion, sir,” repeated Yaiikramer, decidedly. “Now, sir, if you are his friend, run to the palace, walk into his room, sliout into his ear that his old house is toppling; he has caused it by forsaking the footsteps of his father. If he disbelieves, I’ll lend him my old clothes; let him go among his subjects and see mid hear.” The young officer was visibly moved by the old soldier's words, but the reply he would have made was checked by the sudden appearance of a girl, some eigh teen years of age, who bounded lightly across the threshold, threw herself into the old soldier’s amis, and exclaimed, tearfully, “My father!" Kstclle Yaiikramer was one of thse love ly flowers that spring from a low ly soil. Her figure was slight, bnt exquisitely pro portioned. Her face was of classic cou ! tour, and the light of virtue and amiabili ty gleamed from lustrous eyes, ns dark and |as large as those of a guzelle. Her cos tume was that of a peasant girl; but silks or satins would not have added to the charms nature had so lavishly bestowed. "Why, you wanderer 1" cried Vaukra mer, as lie pressed her affectionately to his breast; “where have you been frolick ing these last whole three days ? It has made your father's heart wring.” “You may be assured I did not w illingly delay,” answered Estelle. “I have been detained, and I have suffered; but lam with you again, and all is forgotten.” Her tears gushed freely as she spoke, but they were more iu thankfulness than in grief. “May I be pistolled, but there’s more in these tears than yon choose to tell,” cried Vunkrumer, excitedly. “You have been detained, you say. Has any one dared to lay hands on you ?” “Y’es—no—uo 1" replied Estelle, con fusedly. “.Speak the truth girl,” exclaimed Ynu kramer, sternly. Am I notyonr father ?” Thus urged Estelle revealed the truth. "Well, then you had always forbade me to approach the palace,” she said; “but 1 j was told if I went there that servants would give me nearly double the money ; others could afford, and, ill hope that I should be able to bring you a few com forts, I did venture to go there, and offer them my work, when, after some delay, I was shown up to the —the duke; and he —ho detaiued me." The old sold er pushed her roughly away. "Ha !" he exclaimed, fiercely. “And now he sends you home to humble the heart of a faithful servant, who was too prond to wink at his vices.” “No, no, my father,” she answered, with quick earnestness. “I resisted his entreaties; Heaven was merciful, and I was saved.” He took her in his arms again, whilst tears dewed his aged eyes. “Oh, bless yon, bless you, my dear child !” lie cried, vehemently. “The. villain 1” You thought of your poor fa tlier. That infernal duke ! Here, sir,” he continued, seizing the young officer, who had shrunk into a corner as if anxi ous to lOoiil observation, and dragging him unceremoniously forward, “what do you think of your friend now ? Look at this innocent girl, all J look at me. I have shed my best blood to establish Charles Amadeus on his throne, and he w ould re pay mo ly dishonoring my child. Who is safo iu such a land ?” Asa kind of slave to his wounded feel ingH, he gave the officer so vigorous a shaking that his hat fell off, and his face was fully exposed. A cry of surprise broke from Estelle’s lips. “The duke !” she exclaimed. Vankramer grasped his sword vengehd ly, and Estelle sprang to his side and held his arm. “Strike I” said the duke, composedly. “It is not an unworthy end to die by the hand of a wronged and worthy .*T>Mier.” There was a deep stillness beneath that roof for a moment; and tiieu Oerk Van kramer thrust his sword back into its scabbard. “It is not for me,” he said “to kill Charles Amadeus, Duke of Baden and Bheingrave of Alsace, in sight of his fa ther’s cocked hat and boots. ” A deep flush of joy that mantled Es telle’s cheeks at her father’s clemency was convincing proof that the young duke would not have been an unwelcome suitor had his proposals been honorable. But now fresh perils awaited him. The voices Of men were heard shouting in the forest. The assassins were searching for their prey. Estelle sprang to the door and ’ locked it. Vankramer was for meeting flie assassins and giving them fight. “Tut ! we are three," he exclaimed.— j “There’s a musket, like myself, not too rßhfy for service, and I can find a ball and 1 powdef. ” The dfike convinced him of the folly of attempting to cope with numbers so much ! eroding their own; and Estelle, with wo man's ready wit suggested stratagem. Her idea was that the duke should dress him* 1 self iiVtllb ohl uniform, and lie down upon | her father’s bc<? in theadjbitiibg chamber, and pretend to' be an invalid comrade of his. This scheme was adopted. Charles Amadeus took the uniform, and went into QUITMAN, GA„ SATURDAY, AUGUST 1874. i the bed-room and made the change in his costume. Scarcely had he done so when j there came a knock at the cottage door. ; Vankramer directed Estelle to leave the r cottage by the rear door, get to the road } side os fast us she could, mid give the alarm. He then opened the cottage door, and admitted a swarthy faced man, iu a handsome hunting suit, whom he had no difficulty in recognizing as the Chevalier ; Montaldi, the duke's secretary. The chevalier gluuccd around the cottage sus piciously. “Good-day, Oerk Vankramer,” he said. “Is your daughter here ? “No," answered the veteran, curtly. “Then I can ease your suspense," con tinued the wity Italian. “She is nt this moment a captive in the palace, the vic tim of that tyrant, lluke Charles." “Indeed 1” “Y’ou doubt me, and think I sin your enemy. Far from it. I have been com pelled to look on nil oppressor's crimes w ithout the power of restraining or con demning them. At length, ilie wail of ! sorrowing innocence reached the ears of ! sires and sons bold enough to wash out ! their dishonor iu his blood. To-day they followed him to the forest; nnd now belies ; hid, but wounded, near your lint. Would you share in the revenge, come, aid them, | discover, and drag him from liis retreat." “I will,” answered Yaukhuner, prompt ly- The duke, who heard this, groaned in | the bedchamber. He did not know that : Vankramer was using dissimulation w ith I the lender of the assassins. "What’s that ?” cried tlieclievulier, sus -1 piciously, and moving towards the charn ! ber. The veteran intercepted him, telling 1 him it was a sick comrade of his; nnd the chevalier, apparently satisfied, turned to j go. As he did so, his foot struck against something on the floor. He stooped ami picked it up, recognized it as an ornament belonging to the duke, and knew that the pretended soldier was the duke. Elated - by tlris discovery, he hurried from the cottage in search of his myrmidons. Vankramer was now satisfied that the cottage was no longer a safe-resting-place for the duke; so he led him forth by the rear door, and pointed out a by-path tlmt would take him to the high road. He was just in time, for the duke had not been gone a moment, when Muutaldi returned, accompanied by two evil-looking men. They sought to force their way into , the i bedchamber; hut Vankruwoiv in order to gain time for the duke, defended the door. He was soon beaten down, however; and j it would have fared badly with him, had not n party of the duke’s guards, com manded by Colonel Alvstyue, and guided by Estelle, opportunely entered the cot tage. The chevalier artfully accused Vankra meft of having assassinated the duke; and j the ornament lie produced, and the duke’s clothes tlmt were found iu an adjoining ; chamber, seemed to substantiate the charge. Vankramer retaliated by do-] uouncing the chevalier, and pointed to the door by which Charles Amadeus had made his escape. Moutaldi smiled darkly, whispered to his two followers, and they silently left the cottage. Estelle perceiv ed this, and trembled for the safety of the duke, Faint, with the loss of blood, they soon overtook him; and there, in the deep, I dark wood, and by Iris own cherished friend, would die the noble and misguided Charles Amadeus! O, what a glorious ■ vengeance it would be could her weak hand deliver him ! Ho she saw her father j taken away by the guards to Baden, and ! then carefully loaded his old musket and followed upon Montaldi’s track. ***** In the levee room of the palace, old Oerk Vftnkramer was arraigned for the murder of the duke; but the proceedings were speedily interrupted by the tumultu ous shouts of the populace without, and presently a tall figure, wearing an old fashioned uniform, strode into the hall, followed by a girl carrying a musket in her j hand. All gazed upon this man in amaze- J ment, am! he took his place at. the head of ] the council-board. He smiled pleasantly upon thenr. “You look amazed,” cried Charles Amadeus, for it was he; “you think, per-; haps, lam the spirit of Duke John, come ! once nirffe to sit amongst you in this judg ment hall. I am, indeed, arisen from the grave of mouldering dishonor. Oerk Vankramer, tWiat return can I make yon ? Old man with these, my father’s gar ments', t piit fin my father’s self. ’ He turned to the baffled conspirator. "Monktddi," he continued, “bear this message to your friends/ now crouching, panther-life, iqfeiVthe Hhine to spring on my unguarded fold—say, here are not mil lions to oppose them, but enough to make the river-bank so slippery with blood that no French foot shall ehosb it.” Montaldi hastily withdrew, glad to have purchased his forfeited fife so cheaply. “Here is my preserver,” continued the duke, with beaming eyes, as he drew the blushing Estelle to his side. “DV re, Oerk, is your child —the girl I would have wronged. Make the revenge of wfilnau; she followed my intended assassins,' ami when the sword of one was aimed at my heart, she shot him dead at my feet; his fbllow flying,-she led me back to Baden, to honor, arid to Jiiy people. Worthy is' she to be your daugtiUi- worthier is she ] to be my wife !” A shout of approval greeted this an nouncement. And so Estelle won a ducal coronet by her virtue mid her courage; and the veteran, who was made chamberlain of the palace, lived to a green old age, cheered by his child’s happiness and gran deur. A Strange Scene in a Court of Justice, Many remember the story told by Prof. Wilson, in his ow n tender and vivid way, of the two hostile highland brothers, Wil liam and Stephen reconciled at their fu i ther’s grave. In a city no farther than Bridgeport, Conn., a recent trial for as sault and battery was made memorable by an iueident almost equally worthy of Wil i sou’s pen, and we wish we could see it de scribed as lie would describe it. Two i brothers, named Adams, residents of West ! port w ho had lived on bad terms with each other several years, finally came to blows. Both made complaint before a trial justice ami both were convicted of breach of the peace. Dissatisfied with fliis they ap pealed and at. the next session of the Su perior Court the jury failed to agree in the case of one, but found the other guil ty. Judge Foster, grieved, as a man, at tne spectacle of two warring brothers and humanely anxious to stop further litiga tion in the future between them called the men before him and talked to them in a strain of serious but kind reproof. He briefly reviewed their difficulty and show- I ed the absurdity of this quarrel, and then appealed to their self-respect their rela tionship and their sense of moral responsi bility to let this unnatural enmity go on longer. “M., you claim that, you have always used your brother well V” questioned the Judge. “Yes, sir.” “And he has always abused you ?” "Yes, sir.” “8., you claim that you have always! | used your brother well ?” "Yes sir." j “And he has always abused you ?” “Yes, sir. “Bee continued the Judge, you nrc both to blame and mi jury cun decide which of i | you is the worse.” Then ho warned them solemnly, and 1 even tenderly of the folly ol doing as they j had done, and charged them by all they: held sacred never to go to law on differ ence again. He pointed out to them the beauty of harmony and peace and urged them thmi and there to pledge friendship and brotherly kindness for all coming time. (iravcly, as if reading a printed cove nant, lie pronounced the words: “You, M. Adams do you promise on your part that you will lie friends iu the future with j your brother V” "I will,” said M. earnestly. “You, B. Adams do you promise on | your part that you will be friends in fn-1 tine with your brothel' ?” “I will,” said 11. with equal earnestness. ; “Then shake hands,” said the judge ami ns the softened brothers grasped each ! other’s hands the, spectators and members i of the liar already thrilled bv the words) they had heard fell their eyes moisten and their hearts swell. Judge Foster himself was deeply affec ted when the offenders both audibly in-,1 yoked God’s blessing on tlieir r concilia- j tion; and his voice trembled as he said to i tin* convicted one. “Then 1. impose on you the lightest sen tence of the Jaw, a film of one dollar, and I discharge vour bond.” The Chinese Idea of Death. A writer on the Chinese says: “Death in China is regarded as the punishment for the most trivial offences, and frequent ly for none at all, except being in some body’s way. A story was told to me for a fact that, during the visit of one of tile royal princes, a theft was committed of a chain or watch belonging to the royal guest. The unfortunate attendant was caught with the property upon him, and, without further ceremony, his head was chopped off The mandarin in attend imee immediately announced the tidings to the prince as a delicate attention, show ing lmw devoted he was in his service. To his astonishment the prince expressed a great regret that the man’s head had been taken off. ‘Your highness,’ cried the obsequious mandarin, bowing to the ground, fit shall immediately bo put on again!’ so little did lie understand tlmt the regret was for the life taken, and not. the severed head. *. * A FunPECT XjNnmtstAOTiHa.—A little [ cockeyed fellow strolled into a Washing-1 ton newspaper office the other evening j with a piece of manuscript in his hand and a merry twinkle in his eye, saying: “Hay mister, y ill you put our game in your paper ?” What game, my son V” Why, I belong to the Arrow Ball Club, and we had a match game with the Gem for forty cents, and after wo licked ’em they stole our bats from us, put a head on the um pire, anil took the forty cents,” “Well, what do you want to mention that in the paper for ?” “Oh, we don’t want any thing sed about that, but we wants to ! challenge ’em fqr a square game.” Just; here an elderly lady, with an umbrella j under her arm, came Creeping slowly in j the door, and caught the youngster by ; the left ear and waltzed him down the steps. The boy said nothing, neither did the old woman, but there appeared to be ] a perfect understanding between them. Jack’s Wife. This is the way a senfar- j ing man recently married, ‘ ‘tol<l to the marines” what.sort of a wife lie had secured: | “My wife is just as handsome a craft as ever left a millim y dry dock, is clipper built, and with a figurehead not often seen on a small craft. Her length of keel is five feet eight, inched, displaces twenty] seven cubic feet of air; of light draught, . which adds to her speed in a halt room;] full in the waist, square trim. At the time wo were spliced she was newly rigged fore j and aft, with standing rigging of lace and ] flowers, mainsail part silk, forestaysail of j Vilenciennes. Her frame was ol tlio best steelcoveredwit.il whalebone stanchions. ! Hhe also lias a set of storm sails for rough weather, and is rigging out a small set of canvass for light squalls, which are liable to occur iu this latitude sooner or latter.! I am told, runiiingdown the street before fhfi wind, she answers the Helm beauti fully, and can turn around fn her own ibugtk if a handsomer craft passes her. ♦ A correspondent of the Sttenlijlr Anitr i'ciiii Hiivs a certain cure for nbsC hleddirig is to extend the arm perpendicularly against a wall or post, or any convenient object for support. The side from which tlm blood proceeds is the one to elevate. 1 It'itiki> Ai.ivn in a Bum's Nest.- There is a bird iu Now Guinea called the MegnpodiuH, which, in the size of its eggs and its manner of hatching them, must he considered extraordinary. It is not larger than one of our ordinary fowls, but its eggs are three inches long by two and a half in diameter. It does not attempt to sit on them. A colony of birdH lay their j eggs together in a liirgu mound, in the hottest part of the year, from September to March, and leave them to bo hatched by the sun. The mound is nmdo of sand, loose earth, nnd sticks and loaves, which latter, by their decay, increase tho heat. The mounds are wonderfully large, being ten feet high and about sixty feet iu cir cumference at the base. The young birds come out at a hole in the top. The moth er birds wait on the trees fur around lilt their chicks tire hatched, and then each leads off her own brood. How each knows its own is a mystery. The eggs are much relished by the natives, Imt not at all by Europeans. A native of Cupo r York ventured one day into anestfor eggs, and while he was exploring the hidden riches of the large mound tiie upper part fell in, and he was smothered. He was aterivnrds found in the very net of digging —buried alive in a bird's nest. —Sew i ’it], Sews. Compliments. We have heard of thclady of rare bean tv who said upon a certain occasion that the only real, disinterested compliment she ever received was from a coal heaver, who asked permission to light his pipe in the gleaming of her eyes. Another compliment true nnd genuine, was paid by a sailor who was sent by his captain to carry a letter to his lady' love. The sailor having delivered the missive, stood gazing in silent admiration upou the ! face of the lady, for she was very beuuti i ll *’ . “Well my goon man,” she said, “for what do you wait ? there is no answer to be returned. ” “Eudy,” the sailor returned, with hum ble deference, “I would like to know your name.” “Did yon not see it on the letter ?” “Pardon, lady, I have never learned to read. Mine has been a hard rough life.” “And for what reason, my good man, would you know my name?” “Because,’ answered the old tar, looking ' honestly tip, “in a storm nt sea, with j danger or dentil afore me, I would like to call the name of the brightest thing I’d seen in life. There’ll bo sunshine iu it, even in the thickness.” - Several hundred persons fiMonded Uio fm.arel of a tmne hear near lloston a few days HjLp>. An invitation to be present was sent to the Autocrat of the “Breakfast Table,” who responded as follows: “ Dear Sir Many thanks for your polite invi tation to attend the obsequies of the lamented plantigrade. lam sorry that it will not.be in uiv power to be present! upon tho melancholy occasion. I have a j gnat respect for bears since those two female ones taught tho little children of! Bethel and Belial that they must not be I rude to elderly persons. I think a loose j hear nr two might he of service in our j community, and I regret much the loss of an animal who might have done so much as a moral teacher for the young of this city and its suburbs. ‘T am, dear sir, yours very truly, “O. W. Holmkh.” - Pkhfectj*y Reckeess.—There was an old couple at the Central Depot yesterday, waiting to go through to the West, and they seemed loving enough until the old man went out and returned smoking a tivo-cent cigar and with his hat slanting over his left ear. The wife looked at him twice before she could recognize him, a::<l t lmn she opened her mouth nnd said. “Wliat’cl I tell ye, Tlieletus Remington, before we left New Jersey? Did’t Isay you’d go and make a fool of yourself the first chance you got?” He tried to paci fy her by saying that the cigar only cost five cents, but she shouted; “You teased till I let you get your boots blackened; then you wanted some soda water; then you bought apples ou the train, and here’s another five cents thrown away !It all counts up, and if you don’t die in the poor-house then my name liain’t Bary. Detroit Free Draw. s. * —♦ The Fax. —Since the fan has come to be regarded as an almost in dispensable ad-j junct to the feminine toilet, a history of j its origin may not prove uninteresting to j the sex who handle it so adroitly. The ; Chinese snv that Kan-si, the beautiful! daughter of the mandarins, found the mask which Celestial etiquette requires to be worn in public by ladies very op- j prossive, as tbe evening was warm, but j her ingenuity was equal to the occasion. She united her mask and moved it so; rapidly back and forth before her face 1 that it was impossible to distinguish her , features, w hile beauty was enhanced in the ; eyes of all beholders by the tantalizing glimpses afforded by the coquettish man oeuvre. In a moment a thousand fair Ce lestials, appreciating her courage and co quetry, imitated her example, and a thou sand masks were put in motion before a I thousand pretty faces by a thousand pretty hands. The ingenious Chinese caught the idea, and by tiff- next feast of lanterns fans were substituted for masks. —— -♦ • ♦ ——— A hater of tobacco asked an old negroe woman the fumes of whoso pipe were annoying to him, if she thomrht she was a Christian, “Yes brudder, I spect I is. ” “Do vou know that, there is a passage in ! the Scriptures that declares that nothin" unclean shall inherit, the kingdom of heaven !” “Yes, I’ve heard of it.” “tVelf Chine. yon smoke anil you ann 1 not pnfpr flv* kingdom of heaven because there is nothin" so unclean as the breath of a smoker. Will,. Jo you snv to that. ?” “Why. I spoets I leave my hrofT behind when I go ilar. ” Entfiiciusino. A Detroit, paper tolls the story of a boy who, while confined to the hops., with a broken leir. has trained a rat to come forth nt his whistle stnhfj oh his hind feet, roil over, leap til rough a . hoop covered with paper, nnd to exeen'e , various other mnnoiuvers. The family own a lug eat, and lias trained to stretch out and let the rat leap over her. nnd tbev are great friends, though Grimalkin .is I death op all other rodenfji. The lad "has !an exhibition twice a week, atid secures I quite nn income hv charging an admission I fee of five cent. Truly, an embryo Bitr i hum. HowHhic Diner, d Him. —Tho Capo May \Yave relates tho following incident: “Among tho excursionists that came from Wilmington by steamer was an unevenly weighed man nnd wife. Bhe 800 pounds avoirdupois; ho scarcely ouo hundred pounds would poise. Well, they must Lathe, of course; what were tho trips to Cupo May without an ocean dip ? A bath house was secured. By tight squeizing our fat lady got into a bathing robe that was ready to hurst nt every step. Little husband girded about his body a woolen garment that fit like a shirt on a kill deer. Down they go, bold ns a couple of whales to tho water; but just at the ocean’s edge I’nny suddenly halted,' looked with awe on the furious billows, and then into the face of his determined 8fll). On her countenance were the words, ‘.'Come ou 1” On his trembling lips shivered the sounds, "Oh no!” The small specimen of diminu tive husbandry feared to risk his diihiun live portion of flesh and bones in thednsh itig foam lest some unlucky billow might swallow him down like a snip. “You shall go in,’ said tho woman. ‘I won’t,’ said skinny, at the sumo time making frantic efforts to tear away; down ho goes m the sand scratching worse than a Kil kenny cat. Down drops the 300 upon A fond mother in Rawls county, Mis-j souri, has named her daughter Muzin j Grace. A neighbor enquired how' she came to select such u mime. “1,a,” says she, ‘ I got it outof the hymn book.” The neighbor expressed Surprise, and said she hod never seen the name in any liymu book She had used. “Yon haven’t ?” sidd the mother of Muzin Grace. “M'liy, don’t you recollect that familiar liymnoommenc- ! ing 'Muzin Grace’ how sweet the sound ?" j terrified bones, slick as a lniwk upon a j spring chicken. The sand flew, legs kick- ' ed, man st reamed, yet in spite of all the I mammothwife gathered Ler 100 pounds of; furious sweetness in her arms, walked 1 complacently into the biggest breakers and kerouso slus landed him hcadfcrrif I most into the sea, and as he pepped up to j tho surface, half strangled, she pressed him to her bosom, saying, ‘Now, honey, ! that’s wlmt yon came alt the way from Wilmington to enjoy.” “Not Much," The story of tho absent minded man who, meeting his own sou in the street, shook hands with him nnd asked him how his father was, Ims been eoiiMod by the forgetfuiness of a Wisconsin farmer. This man drove to town to transact some busi ness, and was accompanied by liis wife. Leaving her nt a dry goods store, he pro ceeded to carry out his intentions. Hiiv r ing finished his business, he forgot nil about the little circumstance of bringing his wife with him, and started home alone. Arriving there, lie put the horses out anil proceeded to do tli6 chores. Iu the mean time. the wife had learned that her husband had left town without her. Hiring a con veyance, she was driven home. She didn't wait to take off hci things, but, seizing ni press-hoard, made her way to the hack yard. The husband was just seating him-: self on a milking stool, nnd had just open ed a conversation with the cow on the i subject of ‘h’istiug,’ remarking frequently j that it was “so, boss*.” He was just get- 1 ting settled down to business wlieu'n dthitj- ! Ring sound, ns if something rapidly cleav ing the air, cumo from the other side of the cow. It was the press-board, and the wife was on one end of it. An, instant af ter it fell with crushing weight upon his knees. The cow having conscientious scruples about standing between husband and wife, left very suddenly, and in her hurry kicked the unfortunate man m the immediate vicinity of his vest pockets.— The unhappy victim of circumstances scrambled upon all fours, when the press board again descended, striking him op posite to where thecow had left her tracks. His wife then asked him if he would ever forget her again, and his answer was phlin nnd to the point", “Not much.” A T.u.ktno Bohin. —A talking robin is ! described in Hardwicke’s Science Gossip. by Mr. Alfred Carpenter, who vouches for he ! truth ol'the statement made by the owner of the wonderful bird. This robin was captured, while young, by a pet dog;, nnd after recovering from his fright, was do mesticated. Ho pot only finifated the notes of canary birds; but ban learned to whistle from his mistress. He has no;v learned to speak the words, “Prott/ Robin,” tbe pet name by which he has long been called. It having been found that he imitated those words, the formula was changed to “Sweet Robin,”, which he imitated very distinctly; aud he now utters, not quite so distinctly, the phrase, “Pretty little fellow.” Mr. Carp'dnter is a strong advocate of the theory that birds can communicate with each other by lan guage. At an inquest held in London trb the body of a lady who died suddenly, (!' few hours after attending ail oveningjpsrfy, of apoplexy, tho coroner remarked that it was a pity to say anything against so healthful and pleasurable an exercise ns dancing lmt : it most certainly produced apoplexy in certain cases. Seeds of death are often sown in a ball room, not so nautili froiii dancing as from the circumstances under ■ which it is carried on. Eating ices when the body is heated by violent exorcise; the ! atmosphere of many a ball room; tho sud den changes of temperature on leaving heated hall rooms; keeping hite hours all these are liable to prepuce apoplexy. >•* ' A JSRAT'TiFfii. Turncnn.—At the Washing ton nnd Lee University,.Lexington, Vn., a student is each day detailed to watch beside the tomb of General Lee. Every morning one of the students is posted at the t6mb in . tlie memorial room of the champcf, built 1 under the supervision of Lee. lie is ; styled a “watcher, ’ and hit duty is to remain there, during the day arid receive visitors, showing them the proper courtesy and attention. As there are nearly three hmidreud and fifty students, no One is on duty moG> than once u your.' Thus, the entire ,Southern people, through their rep resentatives in the University, are watch ; ing at the tomb of Lee and their sons im proved in manner nnd bearing by the sacred duty they perform, and their minds ami hearts Is ■unfitted by thoughts of the no bledead.—Loinlnnn (To.) Enterprise. A few years ago a hungry crowd sal down at tlie well spread supper table of a Sound steamer, upon which oi A' of the dishes contained a trout of moderate size. A serious looking individual drew thi dish toward him, saying, a pologeticnlly. “This is a fast day With nrc, ” His next neighbor, an Irish gdhtlemkiV, immediate ly inserted his fork into the Hah, nnd trans ferred it to hits own plate, lVnVarking, “Sir. do you Suppose tlobi sly has a soul to la j saved but yourself?” miscellaneous ITEiuS. A Michigan girt was killed by Kgfft; mug while picking geese for her wedding pillow. A New Haven Irishman who buried bis wife on Thursday was married again elf .Saturday. A young Keokuk fady set her pa’s hoard on tire liceutise lie wouldn’t pay her dry goods hill. In California they cal! it “suppressing 1 / desperadoes when they shoot then/ through the head. Falling clams whh the Angers is “(ho* thing” ouNurmgnnselt shore. Is "hit by a dog" grunmticid ?—asks a'lZ exchange. Try it mice and see. Nothing will so qninjclv sharpen the wits of an editor ns a SSO dollar. One week’s residence in Kansas Citv entitles you to be called colonel. A good imported night-gown can now be purchased for seventy dollars. It is said that new ale is diluted with oil 1 of victriol and spoiled molasses. The novelty ip horse-gear this season is‘ a pure white driving rein in web. Every White Mountain stage has an ac cident insurance agent ou board. When u man parts with his “stud," he often gives up the “ring” as well. A one-year’s wedding celebration in the Boutli is culled a cotton wedding. NO. IT- The girls of nn Illinois seminary amuse themselves by spitting at u murk. TEG i.i tho rienio’n of th'o year wlieu flies enter largely into every article of diet. An lowa court holds that a promise to marry must be in writing iu order to him.. Thd hardest thing for a woman to do/ after holding her tongue, is to iron u shut. Tbo quickest way for a man to furjfc " all common miseries is to wear tight bis .is.' “Free lunch for ten cents" is the in scription on the door of a Detroit rulomi. Tlnirc is but one river in Virginia nniiuo after a woman, anil tliut is all mouth. What did this country do for a phrase before that of salary-grab was invented V Emigrate to Akron, Ohio. They rifi'A idly exclude organ grinders from the city limits. One can dream iu a sky-blue hat, but it would be wrong to weep in one of lost* color. The quickest way to get a glass of Iml'f and-half at a railway stutiou is to ’uil tho porter. In Schenectady the girls who ore “loft” by the college students arc callod “college widows. ” When chattering monkeys grin at men,' must we turn apes and grin at them.' A’ drunkard is generally a lmil argnor, for the ofteuer lie comes to tne pint, Liu xftofe incoherent lie is. As li result of the hydrophobia war Hie ladies of Newport have exchange their poodles for kittens. If it is wise to have two strings to your bow, it is also prudent to let one of vour purse-strings he u check-string. liet ns nil go to Kansas City. Tbe last cat in town die V hist week, and mod quitoes are not fashionable. If ypii diduu’t get a sight nt tlie comet this time, it won’t matter; it will be nruirnd again in about 270 yeurs. Nine girls out of ten would rather have a eameTs lniir eluiwl then a necklace.' Parents should remember this. A house maid in Chicago had her hair triVn white iu u single night hist week. Bn: fell head foremost into n flour baml. The reason that the French people tiro so fust is because they tat horse flesh in large qbmitities. When'the Saratoga' girl wishes to at tend a masquerade she appears in the cos tume of a sensible woman. Nobody rce ogyjzes her. ... , . F.stliep 1 Bliawof Davenport, It., wOrkell thirteen years in one family before asking for a cent pay. Needn’t scud for her she’s dead. A’T*ew York liiily accuses tlie Boston girls, at Swaniscott mid New London, of deliberately deceiving their mule friends by goiiig iu to bathe with their corsets on. Tnlfe two liirgb wrought-irou nails, wire tlieri' together ill the shape of a cross. It will'thin lie forind impossible to swallow them'. There is rib deception about this. An lowa paper predicts that iri fUW years every barrel of Western flour will be sent Bust "i barrels of paper, made from the stiVi’W flie wneAt grew ou. A OoriireetiAnt pi if twelve years olil tried to starv'd herself to death because her bean deserted her, bnt at the cud of the sedoiid day’ she gave it up !' The mbs! mihdkativd person seldom {albr to lfiitke u few remarks" when, with' bar'd’ fdet, he stops' oil a carpet-tack at two o’clock in the morning !; The essentials of a watering-place, now so popular, may literally be assumed to Inr tlliisly: Ben, salt, Amicf,' Shrimps, sailors*,’ steamers,- tnd shilgs v Tivtfliorn* will last nn ox n lifetime, but ■rfrVjniy a Than wants that number every morning before breakfast. All ihtelKgoiU feast—The entertainment of idea. Of what feminine creature ore you re minded oh tSe completion of a build ing ? —A hbnstbiiinde. Wheli a yonrjr’g farmer's wife made her first boy’s pants precisely the same beforo as behind, (the father exclaimed; “(bald ness ! be wdM’S know whether lie’s going to sclioof or ebmiug home !” We. have beard of a great many excuses, tint “heavy losses on a base ball match, and morbid impulses,” is the lat est reason given by a married man lor going home drunk the other night ! A Yonliem lmtter lias a mouse which he lias taught to Kit up on its hind legs. That mouse will taste the same to the eat if she comes across it during its performance 1 “Oar extravagance is fast running us,’’ says Gerritt Hinitli. How true this is I—A1 —A man call hardly bnv a pint of peanuts novt ,* ami look his wife squarely in the face. A good way to restore a mail appnrefif ly drowned is to first, dry him thoroughly inside and out and then clap a speakiify truinpet to his car aid inionh I'.iA rHi-t iiis mother-in-law's dead.” The price of three pieces of (flowing rum a week, atone cent upifA*. rfniounts to gl.fi# a year, or in sixty-sen n years to •510t,52. That sum will p'.rehftse k i com plete set of Appleton’s /'■.nryclopedili. a marriage license, a black bombazine droso for your aunt, a German silver coffin plate, md n hnir switch. C’ot this out, young •irl. ami paste it on the back of volte 1 beau’s photograph.