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GALLAHER S INDEPENDENT, FUBUHHKD EVERY SATURDAY AT HUITMAN, GA., BY J. C. GALLAHER. TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION l TWO DOLLARS per A *•< in Ativtwce. THE POET IS THE SPIRIT USD. SI BIX!AS A. I*o K. 9 Flint a harp of thrilling number* Kwu>od uitt gently from my Hhunbura, ▲ml it* tue o*r my waking spirit atealing, KimlU-U up a spirit feeling, lu ita mu*ie sweet revealing Heaven's own. Then a being pure aud holy, Turo’a deor ret arm ug slowly, Half disci* wed Twmy soul’s eursntuml vision, Those eternal lieltla Klyuian. Wuere the blest in full fruition, There repost and. Then a being, fairer, brighter, Home thing smaller, something lighter, And with raiment purer, whiter, Came in view— Then her tmcc was half averted, Casing back from where she started— *XWM my lost, my loviug hearted, Well 1 knew! For a moment then she lingers, And the beautiful white- liugurs, Of Lean*>re, across Hie harp so shining, Wkicu Uie augtl left reclining THnast the door. Tlmil as if some word receiving, Half in donbt, yet half believing, Cased around— And at once she saw aml knew mo, Aud at oueeshe came unto mu Withs bound. Oh the rapture of that meeting, UI that blessed spirit gn-etiug, >’t* cr n* inoruis known ! They can never, till they pass the dark—dark river. Which divides the world forever From our own. Comprehend how hearts once blighted. In a world by sin benighted, Are forever reunited On the ahoro. that rivfer brightly flowing. Where the tree or life is growing, Evermore! BILL AND THE WIDOW.! BI J. A. SMITH, AMAS CAM. TOTHESBX. •■Wife," said Ed. Wilbur one morning As lie Hat stirring his coffee with one hand and holding a plumb cuke on Ilia kneel with the other, and looked across the tie ' ble iut.i the bright eywi of liis Meat little wlfcb it be a Rood joke to Ret baebplor Bill Smiley to take Widow Wat son to Barnaul's allow next week?" ••Ton can’t do it Ed.; he won't ask her; he's o awful shy. Why. he mine here the other morning, when l was hanging out ome clothes, and he looked over the fene** nud spoke; hut when I shook out a night gown he blushed like a girl and went nwny.” [ think I can manage it," said Ed,; '•lint I’ll have, to lie just a little. lint then jt wouldn't he much linens under the cir- Cdmshinees, for I know she likes him, and i know he don't di.~-l.iie her; hut as yon mhv. lie's so shy. J’ l just go over to his jdnee to borrow some hags of him, and it 1 dont lift* him lief ore I rome hark, don'l kiss me for a week, Nelly.” *lo saving, Ed. started, and while he is tiuiwing tiie fields, we will lake a look al Bill Smiley. He was rather a good-look ing fellow, though his hair and whiskers sNow-d some grsv hairs, anil he hail got n set of artificial teeth. But every one said he was a good soil!, and so he w as. He hod as good a lmudr il acre farm as any in Norwich, with a new li-mse and everything eonifortahle. and if In- wanted a wife, many a girl would have jumped at the dilutee tike ft rooster nfter a grasshopper. But Hill was so bashful—always wan—anil when tinsan Berrybottle, that he was sweet on (though he never said “Ikki" to her) got Inarried to ohl tvl’.tson, he just drawell in hia head like a mud-turtle into Ilia shell, And there was no getting him out again, though it had been noticed that since Ba sal, |,u,l become a widow be hail paid more Attention to Ids dollies, and bad been very regular in his attends, cij at the church Where the fair widow attended. ••But here comes Ed. Wilbur. ” '•Ooml morning, Mr. Smiley.” •Hood morning, Mr. Wilbur. What's the news yotir way?” ■•Oil nothing particular, thnt I know of,” he said, “only Barnum’s show thnt every body is talking about, and everybody and hi* girl is going, too. I was ovei to Suckri der's last night, and I see his sou Ons has got anew bnggv and was scrubbing up his harness, and lie’s got that white-faced colt of his as slick as a seal. I understand he thinks of taking Widow Watson to the show. He’s been hanging around there a good deal of late, but I’d just like to cut him out, I would. Bnsau is a nice little woman, and deserves a better man than that young pnp of a fellow, though I wouldn’t blame her much either if she takes him, for she must be dreadful lone some, and then she had to let her farm out on shares, and it isn’t half worked, and no one else has spunk enough to speak up to her. By Jingo! If I was a single man I’d show him a trick or two." So saying Ed. borrowed some bags and started around the corner of the barn, where be had left Bill sweeping, and put his ear to a knot-wboleand listened, know ing, that the bachelor had a liahit of talk ing to himself when anything worried him. “Confound that yonng Bagrider!” said Bill, “what business has he there, I'd like to know. Got anew buggy, has he? Well, so have I, and new harness, too! fed his horse can’t come in sight of mine, and I declare I’ve half mind tor-yes, I will! I'll go this very night and ask her to go to the show with me. I’ll show Ed. Wilbur that I ain’t snch a calf as he thinks I am, if I did let old Wits m get the start of me in the first place!” Erl. could scarcely 1 elp laughing out right, but he hastily hitched the bags on his shoulder, and with a low chuckle at his success, started home to tell the news lo VOL. IT. Nelly; aud slsmt five o’clock that evening they saw Bill go by with his horse and buggy on bis way to the widow’s. He jog ged along quietly, thinking <4 llieold sing ing-school days—and what a pretty girl Susan was then—and wondering inwnrdly if ho wo ild have more courage now to talk up to her, until at the distance of about a mile from her house lie came to a bridge— over a Urge creek—and it so happened that just ns he reached the middle of the bridge he gave a tremendous sneeze, and blew his teeth clear out of his mouth, and striking on the planks they rolled over the bridge and dropped iuto four feet of water. "Yes, there they wore," at the bottom, 1 with a crowd of little fishes rubbing their ) noses against them, aud Bill wished to ! goodness that his noso was as done for one second. His beautiful teeth that hud cost him so much, aud the show coming on and ! no time to get auother set—and the widow 1 and young Sackrider. Well, he must try i and get them somehow—nud no time to lose, for someone might come along and i ask him what he was fooling annual there for. He had no notion of spoiling his I good clothes by wading in with them on, and besides, if he did that he could not go to the willow's that night, so he took a look up and down the road to see that no one was iu sight, and then quickly un dressed himself, laving liin clothes in the buggy to keep them clean. Then ho ran around the hank and waded into the al most icy water, but his teeth did not cliat ter iu hia head, he only wished they could. Quietly lie waded so as not to stir up the 1 mud and when he got to the right, spot, he 1 dropped down under the water and came 1 up with the teeth in his hand and replaced them in his month. But hark! What noise is that? A wagon! and a little dog i harking with all his might, and his horse jis starting. "Whoa! Whoa!’, said Bill, as lie splashed an floundered out through mud and water, “confound the horse. Whoa! Whoa! Slop, yon brute yon, stop!” i Itnt stop lie would not, hut went off at a spanking pace with the unfortunate bach elor a Tier him and the little dog yelping i a'ter tlio Imehelnr. Bill was certainly in capital running costume, but though lie strained cw-ry nerve he could not touch the* buggy or reach Mu lines that were drag ging on tin* ground. After a while lit* ] plug hut shook off the sent and the bind wheel went, over it, making it as flat as a pancake. Bill snatched it ns lie ran, and after j miming his lias into it stuck it, alt 1 dn*fv and shapeless, on his head. Am! ; now In* saw tin* widow's house oil tin* hill, and what, oh w hat would he do! Then i his coat fell out mid he slipped it on, and ■ then making a desperate spurt lie clutched the hack of the scat niid scrambled in, and pulling tin* buffalo robe i v r Ids legs, ,t i.T'd tin* other things beneath. Now 1 (he horse happened to l>e one lu* got from j Sjfiinc Moore, and he got it from ♦!.- widow, and lie took i< into his head to stop at her gate, which Bill had no power to prevent, s lie had not possession of the reins, la-sides lie was too busy buttoning his eoat up to his chili to think of doing mueh else. The widow heard the rattle ,f the wi.e. Is and looked out, ami seeing that it was Mr. Smiley, and he did not o'- fer to get out, she went to the gate to see what he wanted, and there she stood chat ting w ith her white arms on the top of the gate, and her smiling face turned right to ward him, while the cool chills run down his shirtless buck, clear to Ins hare feet beneath the Buffalo robe, anil the water from his hair and the dust from liis hat ha 1 combined to make some nice little streams of mud that came trickling down his face. She asked him to come in. No; he was in a hurry, he said. Btill lie did not offer to go. He did not like to ask her to pick up his reins for him, because lie did not know what excuse to make for not doing it him self. Then he looked down the road be hind him and saw a white-faced horse coming, and at once surmising that it was that of (ins Backrider coming, lie resolved to do or die, and hurriedly told his errand. The widow would be delighted to go, of course she would. But wouldn’t he come in. No he was in a hurry he said; had to go on to Mr. Green's place. “Oil,” said the widow; “you're going to Green’s, are yon? Why, I was just go ing there myself to get one of the girls to help me quilt some. Just wait ft second while I get my bonnet and shawl, and iT ride with yon.” And away she skipped. “Thunder and lightning!” said Bill, ■‘what a scrap. !” and he hastily clutched his pants from between his feet, and was preparing to wriugle into tlie.m, when a light wagon drawn by a white-faced herse, driven by a boy, came along and stopped by him. The boy held out a pair of boots in one band and a pair of socks in the other, and just as the widow reached the gate again, he said, “Herd’s your boots and yonr socks, Mr. Smiley, that you left on the bridge when yon was in swimmiDg.” “You’re mistaking,” said Bill, “they're not mine.” “Why,” said the boy, “ain’t yon the man that had the race after the horse just now?" “No, sir, I am not! yon had better go on about your business.” Bill sighed at the loss of his good Sunday boobs, and turning to the widow he said. “Just pick up the lines, will yon please; this brute of a horse is forever switching them out of my hands.” The widow com plied, and then he pulled one corner of the lobe cautiously down, and she got in. QUITMAN, GA., SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 1874. "What a lovely evening,” said she, "and iso warm; I don't think we need the robe own us, do we?” (Yon see, she lmd on a nice dross and a pair of new gaiters, and she wanted to show them.) “Oh, my!” said Bill earnestly, "you'll find it chilly riding, and I wouldn't have you cutoh cold for the world.” She seemed pleased at the tender care for her health, and contented herself with ; sticking one of her little feet out with a lung silk neck-tie over the end of it. “What is that, Mr. Smiley? a neck tie?” , "Yes," said lie, “I bought it the other day, and I must have left it iu the buggy. ! Never mind it." ’ "But,” she said, "it was so careless;" i mid stooping over she picked it up and made a motion to stuff it between them. Bill felt her hand going down, and muk iug a dive after it, clutched it in his aud j held it hard and fast. They went on quite a distance, he sti![ holding her soft little hand in his and won dering what lie should do when they got i to Green’s and she wondering why he did not say something nice to her ns well as squeeze her hand, and why his coat was buttoned up so tightly on such a warm evening, and what made his face and hat so dirty, until ns they were going down a little hill one of the traces came unhitched and they laid to stop. "O murder!” said Bill; "Wlmt next?” "What is the matter, Mr. Smiley?” said the widow, with a start that came near jerking the robe off his knees. "One of the traces is oft',” said he. "Well, why don't you got out aud put it on?" ~I can't,” said Bill; “I’ve got that is I liavn’t got—oh, dear, I'm so sick! What shall I do?" “Why, Willie,” said she tenderly, “wlmt is the matter? do tell me,” and she gave Lis hand a little sqme/.e, and looking into his pale and troubled face she thought he was going to fuiut; so she got out her smelling bottle with her left hand, and pullingthe stopper out with her teeth she stuck it to his nose. Bill was just taking in breath for a mighty sigh, and the puguaut odor made him throw his head so far hack that he lost liis balance au l went over the low backed buggy. The little woman gave a little scream as his big bare feet flew past her head; And'covering her face with her ! hands gave way to her tears, or smiles it is hard to tell which. Bill was “right >ide np” in a moment ami was leaning over tile back of the seat humbly apologiz ing when Ed. Wilbur, with his wife and laby, drove up behind ami stopped. I’onr Bill felt that he would rather have been shot than have Ed. Wilbur catch him in Hiieh a scrape, hut there was no help for it now . so be .-sllo.l v I /. Uia. Illspt-red m his ear. Ed. was like to burst witli sur pressed laughter, blit he beckoned to his wife to drive up. and after saying some thing to her, lie helped the widow out of Bill's buggy and into his, and the two women went ou, leaving the men beliin I. Bill lost no time in arranging his toilet as well us he could, and then with great pur amotion Ed. got him to go home with him, and bunting up slippers anil socks and getting him washed and com!.ed, bud him quite presentable when the ladies arrived. I need not tell how the story was all worm ed out of bashful Bill, and how they all laughed as they sat nro nil the tea table that night, but will com hide by saving that they went to the show together and Bill has no fear of Gus Backrider now This is a true story about Bill and tlie widow, just us 1 Lad it from Ed. Wilbur, and if there is anything uusatisfutory about it, ask him. Marvelous Peats with a Sword. Here is anew stage sensation. Moos. D’Omer aided by Mile. D’Onier, perform ed a number of feats, evincing liis dexterity* with the sword. A description of some of liis most difficult performances may prove interesting. A largo apple, which hud been thrown forcibly upon the stage to (•rove its sound ness, was placed in a white handkerchief, the four ends of which were tied to a st.ck held by Mile. D’Oroer. The sword man then dealt a rapid stroke upon the handkerchief with a sharp edged sword, and then took from the handkerchief a s ice of tiie app’e, m second stroke severed the apple in two, and yai the handkerchief was not cut. Again, attached an apple by the stem to a twine, suspend as above described, and by a blow from right to left severed the twine, and by a rapid blow from left to right severed the apple in halves ero it touched the stage. He took a lemon and placed upon the hare flesh at the nape of Mile. D’Oaer’s neck, and by a quick stroke of a very sharp s yorj be cut it cleanly in halves without 1 -aviug a mark upon the lady’s neck. Then to ptove that the sword he had used in that trick iiad an edge as sharp as a razor, lie folded a pocket handkerchief in twelve thicknesses and laid it upon the edge of the sword; by one rapid move ment of the sword in tho air the handker chief fell upon tho stage cut completely through. Then using a bow gun, he shot an ar row through an apple placed upon Mile. D’Omer’s head, he standing on the oppo site side of the stage, and both parties be ing in full view of the audience. Their performances concluded with an exhibition of the manly art of self-defense, boxing gloves being used. Mile. DOrner proved to be a skillful boxer, and got in some very telling blows upon the head and face of her opponent, while she parried with grace and agility those aimed at herself. Both were loudly applauded during tin ir various rounds, and recalled at tho close of their feats. — Reo'luig Logic. A Tumult at Har’.and. Hurlnnd is a beautiful, hut sleepy v”- lage, resting away iu one little corner of a glen, among the mountains. One summer day, n gentleman mitt his wife arrived in the "Couooru” coach, and took up quart ers at the tavern. They registered us J*’. Mi ter and wife, New York. They were evidently cultivated people, and it was ob . served, as a peculiarity, that the gentle man used ft pencil and slate, in order lo communicate with others. Of course, he was considered deaf. The .strangers final ly rented a vacant house, furnishing it handsomely, moved into it and settled down. They lived very secluded lives. Now, if anything under heaven will pro * volte a gossiping village into insanity, it is the presence therein of a person of whom nothing is known, and who associates only I on the most.distant terms with his fellows. . All Harland was aroused, and the names of Mr. ami Mrs. Miller, or, "that strange | mini and woman,” as they were called, were on tile tongue of every villager. "They registered from New York,” it was ■ said. New Yolk is a big place. A million jof people live there. What could these ! stuiigers have done in New York? Did they merely come to Harland to live? Or diil they come for concealment? At last, Betty Jones said she had a letter fiom New York, telling her that, a burglar named Miller had recently esaped from the otU cers iu that city; hence the new comer must be the identical man. The grass widow millner, who worked over the store, however, said that a man named Miller had recently eloped with another man's wile, in New York. She saw it in a paper; and the ‘ strange man" could be none other than this •■horrid bigumist!”"TUe observ ed of all observers” occasionally made his appearance ut the store to buy a trifle, nevertheless, or at the post-office for Ins letters, and lie soon heard, tor his deaf mss was feigned, a hundred such stories. He J was supposed to "deaf us a post” and lienee all talked freely in his presence. In a mouth lie and his wife were each charged with crimes enough to gelid them to the penitentiary for the balance of their davs. Miller at lust determined to teach these people a salutary lesson. One day, taking the stage for the country town, he I called at the office of the strongest law firm j there, in order to commence action for j slander against two women and three men living in Harland, The desired warrants were issued for their arrests on the en-j ■suing day, and that they l>e tiken to ti e J county jail if nimble to procure bail. Bay- ! iug down fifty dollars, as retaining fee, lie j departed, the attorneys promising that his j wishes should be strictly attended to. , About nine o'clock on the ensuing day, I two carriages drove up to the tavern i door, iu Harland,each containing one man. Who were these men? What did hey want? They asked for the residence of Betty Jones, Margaret Walker, Hilaries Warner, James Beers and K ibert Wilson, and Were directed up the street. In about an hour the two returned to the tavern, ami with them Jones, Walker, Warner, Beers, and Wilson, A crowd gathered on i lie tavern-porch, and it was learned that tins.; five persons were ill the hands of the j law, charged with a criminal offense. They were placed in the carriage and driven off. O. Harland, what a night that warn fi r tlice! Nothing short of an eartl i quake could have produced such a shock. |,i.i „ until, a- wmidet. That * •strange mini" came forth, and lie had recovered his heal ing. W hat was the town coming to? Dur ing Ihe next day the five criminals, huv- . ing secured bail, returned to their homes, wrathful at their arrests, and at, the party who had occasioned it. They waited upon j him in a body, and desired him to with- 1 draw the suits, stating that if lie did not he might suffer terrible consequences. Jlc j declined all their propositions. ‘ I wish, ’ j said In*, "to toll you five persons a few . tacts. My name is not Miller, but Hugh : Walters” -and here the company all start ed. "This is my unlive town. Ten years ! ago I left it with my darling and only sis-, ter whom your lies aud slanders sent, to an j untimely grave. She was as pure as an j angel, but extremely sensitive to the shafts of malice, and you succeeded in throwing a taint upon her character. I left with her ten years ago for Florida, hoping that a change of c ne an 1 distance from your venom would at. least prolong her days. But 'twas too late. She died, and was bu ried among strangers. Hove for my native hills and the land of my ancestors prompt ed me to return, bringing my wife, hut I determined to adopt a rose, and pass un der a false name, in order that 1 might root out the nest of foul slanders with which tiiis town is disgraced, and for which it ever has been so notorious. I am neither a fool nor cowaiil, and have means and influence to accomplish my purposes.” The silence of death seemed, as it were, resting upon the guilty parties. Walters continued: “I have prepared a paper which it will he, imperative for yon to sign and swear to before I will release you from from the grasp of the law. I have sent ter a justice and expect him momentarily.” Walters re.-iit I tie pa It stated tlmt t lie undersigned, in tiie presence of God and a magistrate, hereby promise never again to slander one Hugh Walters ail wife," etc. This wan a hitler pill to swallow. The pa per was signed though, and sworn to, and for a long time afterward Hnrland was to tally exempt from the mischievous gossip : of unscrupulous euhi in motors. Don’t Do It. Don’t linger where yonr “love liis. dreaming.” Wake her up and tell her to get breakfast. Don’t turn up yonr nose at light things. ■ Think of hrtad and taxation. Don’t insult a poor man. His muscles may ho well devel ipeil. Don’t put ou airs in vonr new clothes. Remember that your tailor is suffering. Don’t stand still arid point the way to Heaven. Spiritual guide-boards save but few* sinners. Don’t write long obituaries. Have s mie of your kind words for the living. Don’t depend wholly on Spaulding’s pro-! pared glue. It will not mend u broken j promise. It is a curious fact, that if the same let ters of the same size precisely are painted on two boards, the one white ou a black j ground, and the other black ou u white ground, that the white letters will appear] larger, and be read at greater distance i than black. It is owing to what is called j the irradiations of light. It depends on j this: Tlmt the impression made on the bottom of the eye by b iglit objects ex- j tends a little wider than the actual portion ol the organ struck by the light, and, in vading the space occupied by the darker objects, make the brighter appear larger than they really are. The Frisky Flea. The Average woman hates a flea with an intensity almost diabolical in its nature. | She will pursue one of those little inno o mts with the remorselessness of a fiend, and if you ever expect to see a beautiful exemplification of womanly traits never look for it when she knows that a flea is about. And ill proportion as the woman luttes, the flea seems to love, and is never enjoying ecstatic bliss unless favored with her society. He likes to seek her couch in the stilly hours of night, woo her from slumber, and from u sheltered nook wit ness her feverish exertions to escape his Caresses; but perhaps lie does not reach tile nettle of enjoyment until he can slyly accompany her to church and not make his presence known until she is satisfac torily settled her furbelows and flounces on the cushioned scat all ready to be ad mired and make note of how others look. And then the,flea begins his manipulations, knowing full well that he has his victim at a disadvantage. Hi re there can i e no I lmsty flinging of skirts, no assuming of j unbecoming postures while making frantic j grabs at the mischievous and inaccessible I ! monster. If yon note the woman closely, I von will see a compression of the lip and j look of hate and pain creeping iuto the face which she fain would conceal aud not re ] veal, for are not many eyes upon her? One moment she settles herself a little more firmly on one side, as though hoping lo email the aggressor, lmt the next mo ment feels him scampering upward, when . she soitles backward quickly to catch him between her back nud the rail, but till in ! vain --his flag is still there. One dainty j gaiter may rub up against its fellow as fai ns may bo done without disarranging dra pery, mid there may be a quiet, yet. never theless vicious clutch of a jeweled hand under tile preteisi of arranging flowing I drapery, but all in vain. And the (lea, j how he does enjoy it. Ho roams hither and thither at his own sweet will, uncaring for the boiling wrath which fairly makes the white flesh upon which he plays shiver beneath his light tread. And perhaps the Ilea has his mate, and then the anguish is I doubled. Atone moment they are play ing tag; at another hide aud seek, and I while tiie one is cosily nestled away, the ! other rushes hither and thither to find it j in a way which is maddening; aud they net i the part of explorers, and prospect every j lull anil dale of the form divine. But one ! thing they do not do, they do not go to sleep. And during this hour of martyrdom ! how the wrath of the woman gathers, and | how only thoughts of dire vengeuee make | the brief agouy endurable. But at last j the service which has seemed so long is ! ended, and with as much majesty as her ! writhing form will permit, she sails home without loitering, you may he sure. The limine reached, with one hound she *• witn iu the privacy of h*-r uuw chamber, and tiler** oil restraint ia cast aside. With lightning haste off come the barricades behind which the flea found intrenchment, and at last she stands like a gladiator strijiped for the light., and then the fate of the invader is sealed. He is pursued with remorseless fury, and the battle does not end until the victor shakes aloft tne scalp of the foe, and vows that so perish always the flea who dares to invade the sacred territory of her person. Love-making and Blasting-powder. A festive youth, who performs his daily avocation in the mines of Lander llill, thoiignt lie would take home a little blast iug-powderthe other day; it might come handy to split an obstinate log he hud at home. When he started for his humble cabin ill the evening he wrapped a few ounces curefully in several thicknesses of paper, and placed it in his pocket. When lie got home he. began Bringing how long it would he before lie was likely to get a crushing; and then lie thought wliui a uice perfume the handkerchief extract tout he bought last Saturday uight had, and he said within himself tlmt a miner’s life is hard und uncertain. Then lie thought lie ouglitto cull on that Smithers girl to-night. He t in night of everything but^that pow der m the pocket of his coat. After supper lie concluded to drop in and see tlmt Smithers girl. He got Ids necktie in proper sliap- ; his handkerchief was perfumed like unto a new-blown rose; one oiled lock hung gracefully down on Ids forehead, and he started for the domi cil of his This young man is coloring a meerschaum, but his girl de tests tiie horrid smoke; so when he got to the door he knocked the blow ol*the meer schaum on his manly heel, and put it in his pocket. Of course lie didn't intent to put in the same pocket with the powder, liis affinity met him at the door with a sweet, smileon her beauteous countenance, welcomed him to the paternal mansion, and invited him into the parlor and to a seat on the sofa. They got engaged in conversation. He asked her if it wasn’t a beautiful evening, and then she inquired how he liked the dress Miss Brown wore at church last Sunday. Ho said lie didn’t like it a hit, and she remarked that Miss Brown was a stuck-up thing anyhow; ami all the time that pipe was insidiously 'burning its wav through that paper. Hi* agreed tlmt Miss Brown was somewhat stuck-up, and said maybe he'd strike it pretty soon, nud then you'll see who’ll wear plug hats. Bite told him tlmt she thought plug hats so becoming, and then ho was going to tell her lie adored her; that she was the darling of his soul, and th a lii happiness was centered in her No. i boots. But lie was interrupted. He arose from the floor and inquired if the lightning lmd struck anybody else, and remarked something about the Virginia explosion being a warning not to keep ni tw-glecerine in their house". Then he food oil his eoat. He said it was au ohl coat, sod he didn't want it nohow. His girl's !; t 0 ug,'<>strd that this wasn’t the Fourth oi July, and if hu wanted to set off fire-works he ought to go np ou the hilt and do it. Then the young man said it was getting late, and he guessed he'd go home, and suggested that he would send a man around to-morrow to fix the sofa. He says now that flaxseed ain’t worth a pill for a poultice, and he ain’t tgningo teall on t hat Smithers gal any more; she’s most too high toned,and thinks herself too good for a miner, anyhow. An honest rustic went into the shop “f a Quaker to buy a hat, for which four dol lars was demanded. He offered fchrie dollars for it. “As I live,” said the Quaker, “I cannot afford to give it thee at that price.” “A" you live !” exclaimed the countryman; “then live more moder ately, und be lmuged to you.” “Friend,” said the Quaker, thou slinlt have the hat for nothing. I have sold huts for twenty years, and uiy trick was uovi r found out till uow.” fFroin tin) Danbury Mews.] POLITICAL PEPPFR. Butler Bitters—B 1874 X.—[N. Y. Mail. Tildeu hit Dix on the spot.— [Boston Post. How Butlor was puckered—Bor Sim mons.— [Wash. Oh roll. 110, Hawley! Send us some more out rages.—[Bostou Post. By the way, how about these "Southern Outrages.”—[Worcester Press. The healthiest corpse oil record—the Democratic party,— [Yonkers Uaz. The Iron Mau was was elected. The Oast Eye-ou Man was defeated.-—Boston Com-. Alas! The grass withered, the flower fadeth, and we are scooped.—[Cleveland Herald. Another dam disaster in Massachusetts. See jetion returns.—[Cleveland Herald. The Democratic days have come, the saddest of the year.—[All the Republican papers. Governor Gaston, Old Bay State. Old Bay State, this is Governor Gaston.—[Bos tou Post. Three T's— Tilden, Tammany and Tweed—When shall we three meet again? —[Roc-li. Ex. If any man attempts to haul down the American Tildeu shoot him on the Dix. Detroit Press. Ben Butler has always wanted more time and now he has all the time there is. [Detroit Proas. Our friends, the Democrats, are likely to shriek the rust out of their throats, anyhow. —[Roeh, Dem. After the roar of the election, next comes the gobble of a Thanksgiving tu - key,—[Washington Star. Many politicians are more familiar with an election bet than with the alphabet.— [Norristown Herald. Heaven is chiefly remarkable for hap piness because there are no Democrats there.—[lioch. Dem. The news catches us without a single chicken. Tile render will please imagine a whole coop. —[Com- Jour. Oh, Lord ! to lie beaten was bad enough, but to be beaten by a Thompson with a P ! —• [Courier-Journal. South Carolina goes Republican and Massachusetts Democratic. How is tliafc lor whirligig?—[Boston Herald. We heard something drop, Tuesday, and after a careful investigation found it was ourselves.—[Boston News Massachusetts !• removed one grease -pat from U-t escutcheon by the negative use of Bun’s in.—[Wash. Cap. Mr. Capen predicted "mi earthquake period” mum* time ago. The prediction was verified Tuesday. [Boston Globe. We ml in i t that the people have spoken, but what’s the use of making Such a dis agreeable fuss about it?—[Koch. Dem. A Vermont man who forgot to register consoles himself with the reflection that lie is registered iu Heaven. [Detroit Press. The most conspicuous wreck is that of the monitor, U. 8. Grant. Nothing but the smoke-stack is visible !—|H rtfurd Times. Yes, we believe there was such a man as Ben. Butler, but it’s so long ago we can’t remember much about him.- [De troit Press. Now we rend that there has been a Re publican defeat in a town in Spain. It seems we are catching it all around, — [N ’low n Herald. Won’t it be funny to have Ben Butler i staying at home and reading the news of i what they are doing iu Congress?- [New York Com. Bon Butler will next appear in flic character of Toodles. “Thompson ! Thompson with a pinit ! D—u Thomp son !’’—[St. Louis Globe. At last the wires bring us news of Re publican victories this Novembci—in “the departments of Drome and Nord,” in France.—[Washington Btur. The editor of the Bucyrus Journul is dead. He hadn’t heard the political thunder when his paper went to press ui the 6tli inst. [Dayton Jour. It has taken a good many poultry yards to enable the Democratic press to give expression to tlieir feelings over the re cent coup-de-maiii.— [N. i. Corn. “Ohl Massachusetts—there she stands!” —D. Webster. Not so, Daniel. She is flat oil her back, mid the Democratic party a-sitling on her.—[Wash. Gluon. The Albany Argue exhibits seven or eight roosters and one eagle. Evidently the Democratic party is going to have something to cat ouco more.—lioch. Dem. A Boston nmi.* had forty-eight hat* i,-u on the Democratic ticket, and now lie’ll rub liis linir all off before lie gets through trying them half ou.—[Detroit Press. Agriculturists in want of good farm hands should send in tlieir applications to custom houses and post offices at least ninety days before the 4tli of March, 1877. [B'klyu Argus. An enthiisiastio Wisconsin land-owner advertises tlint he has set apart a few thousand acres of primeval forest for At torney Gent nil Williams to hide liimsclf ui.—[B klyn Argus. Oli, Hearings I The Louisville ! wants to know* how Tildeii and Allen ; would look on a Democratic ticket? Rise : up, William Allen, and roar ut the thought. [Dayton Journal. The Muse-mawler of the Philadelphia Ledger walks trom his office to the Moyam-! eusujg prison and hack again twice a day, lo get himself ill condition to write an obituary lyric ou Butler.—[B’klyu Argus. The result in Massachusetts is not due to the currency question, hut to the fact that the Republican papers published campaign poetry. Tho organization of ' glee clubs by the Republican# also helped them to defeat.-—[Mil. Bent. Since the defeat of Jimmy Hays in New | York, apprehensions are felt that lion. 1 John Morrissey will movo off towards the ! setting sun, and consequently most of the ! Western legislatures are passing stringent laws against gambling. [B’klyn Argus. Dispatches from Indiana indicate that Schuyler Colfax has also heard of the “tidal wave.” At last aoconuls several members of the Booth Beud Young Men’s Christian Association were engaged iu bathing Ids temples with Buy mui.*-- [B'klyu Argus. MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. A booth'a* enterprise—Going barefoot. A‘‘put-up job"—Hunker Hill monu ment. An act of great politeness—Polishing a stove. The hurricane that lifts a house is a sad blow. Ye gods of battles anil bottles—Mars ami Bacchus. Wlio always comes to n boll after mid night? One A. M. Where do wall flowers grow? On a party wall, of course. Men of sound views—The pilots of the Ijong Island Hound steamers. "Climb out of the way, or I’ll walk over you”— New York brayijtrrt, "Very good, but rather pointed," as the codfish said when ho swullowed the bait. What c .rpenter’s implement does the carpenter himself rescwblo? The screw driver. A New* York German sings—"Who tears ilera lager flags uway, we’ll spot him on dor snoot!" Why was the third of November select ed this year for election day? Because it is Choose-duy. NO. 30. “Give ns a rest,” said the boy being flogged; and then he wrested the whip : from thu teacher's hands. ; A tall policeman complained of a young I man for insulting him, by asking "if it I was cool up there,” Y'lin look as if you were beside your self, ns the wag said to the fellow who stood by the side of an ass. Why is the female centipede supposed to be the most ingenuous of insects? Be ! cause she’s thu least likely to count-lier* i feet. Young lady at the post office: "If I don’t get a letter by this mail. T want to know what he was doing Sunday, that's Sail.” An old lady hearing somebody aay the ; mails were irregular, said: “It was just, so lin my young days—no trusting uny of ’em.” A paper has this advertisement: * Two sisters want washing.” We fear that millions of brothers are in the same pre dicament. A lmd wicked newspaper or man an nounces thu nuptials of Mr. Bacon nud Mr Bean under the head of "A Dish of Pork anil Beans.” An exchange says: "Melancholy people rarely have well-arranged white teeth.” We aiippose it is owing to the fact that they chew the cud of hitter fancy too much. The Detroit Press informs ns that the Vosaar collt'go girls pluy foot-ball, ami that it is mi inspiring sight to see one of them miss the hull and laud on her head in the gruaa. Out West when a man elopes with the Si rvaut maid they say that he has swapped his wife and children for a hired girl, and gone on a tramp for a change of air nud ilent- y. A person asked F.itrick McGuire if he knew Mr. Tim Duffy. "Know him I” an swered lie; "why, he's a very near relation of mine. He once proposed to many my sister Kate!” ‘ Can’t you make any allowance for a man’s being drunk?” said a police court culprit the other day. "Certainly,” said the judge, "I'll allow you thirty days in the work-house.” A new’statue is to be erected in BologDtt. It should be to the lailouy sausage, the | noblest invention of modern times. Were it not for them, the world would be overrun with dogs. “Vel, mine shone,"said a wealthy Is | raelite to his hopeful, who had asked fora nickel, "I don’t mind de value of de fife sheiits; but shnst dink vot de interest ou i dot sum would be in von hundred years. ” "How far is it to Cub Creek?” asked a | traveler of a Dutch woman on the toll ga e i.u Canada. "Only shnst a little wuys." Is it four, six. eight, or ten miles?” ini ■ patiently ask* and the fretful stranger "Yes I dinks it is,” serenely replied the uii j moved gate-keeper. There has been a reward by a society in Vermont for the champion mean man. j Did that society ever hem- of the Cleve land gentleman, who w hen a boy return and hint his pocket-book, containing $S()b, which he had lost, wmt out.bought live cents’ worth of bananas, uud gave the b. .y the skins to chew ? Speaking of bottles. Mm. Purtingtcn says; The less people have to do with bot tles tho better. My neighbor. Mis. Blotch, Ims been using a bottle for a good many years for her complexion and h-r nose looks like all eruption of Mount Vociferous, will) the burning lather run ning all over the contagions territory, A disgusting man, whose nose and chin were both very long, and who had lost liis teeth, whereby the nose and chin were brought very near together, was told: “I am afraid your nose and chin will fight i re long; they approach one another very menacingly.” “1 am afraid of it myself; ; replied tho gentleman, “for a great ] in my words have pasted between them ! already.” The Boston Courts Lnve decided that if a ! woman lends money to her husband sho j can get it back Wo know s. vend wives ) down this way that uau}J -liii* I-- o” ve me ' Boston courts iiiiorui them how it can tic ; done. One worn u say the only way sho sees bt being reimbursed is by cut ting lid bur husband’s nose and selling it to an ag ricultural fair for exhibition. It would show what high cultivation can allect. A man named To t n pui*cba-.ed a saloon on Michigan avenue the i tlier day, mid yesterday, while 1.0 was alone, a man en tered, looking around, and said, “I am nil escape convict from Jackson, and I want to la* arrested and sent hack Go and got a policeman, and it will ho fifty dollars in your pocket.” Telter didn’t wait to ask any questions, but as lie saw the man sit down, ho put on liis liat und ran to the Ninth avenue station, while the “convict” put two boxes of cigars under liis arm and went out the back door. Mr. Telter sawr throngli the little joke when he got back, and says he can’t be fooled again. An old sol Her in Sicily gave his wife n silk dress. His wife died an war buried in the dress. Borne weeks after the old soldier saw this dress on a woman in tl e country, and, making inquiry, was tom that she had purchased it from the Capu chin monks, who had the i-nstoilv of the villa e cem* t ry, Ho r* ported tio ease to the police, who iuvesi.gibed and no de the discovery that a regular trade was ral lied on in effects taken f.om dead bodies. There was even a trade in lmir. —-—— ■ , A Whiteb 1 **r went- huntiug last Satur day with a double barrel gun. Through mi take he placed two charges in one bar rel. Seeing a gray squirrel silting on a stump he stole up behind him, took aim, aim pulled the trigger. He is now ready to reciive proposals from bri Ige con ’ractois to furnish a now bridge for his nose.— WUttehtdl 'lnnes.