Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

• ‘ man." +*+♦+**♦+*♦*+• BEFORE MARRIAGE, 8ay. woman, when you're young and fair much adorned, your beauty thrills; i,;o to »•« you at your beat o don't have to pay the bills. KNEW V/HO HE WAS ASKING FOR. “1^ the man of the house in?” asked the canvasser. “.Vo,” replied the timid man who had ! answered the doorbell, "She has just ' stepped out.” NOT BORN TO BE DROWNED. EXPLAINING IT, COLOR SCHEME. “She Is feeling bad because her hus band has left her.” "Sort of a blue grass widow.” EASY FOR THEM. "To live long we should make play out of our work.” "But we can’t all be musicians.” A MUSICAL NOTICE. SUITABLE PRECAUTION, HIS BAD BREAK. The singer held her audience. HIS QUALIFICATIONS. “A man ought to know a great deal to run an automobile.” "Undoubtedly. He ought to be an engineer, a mechanic and a first class surgeon.” Patient—X have come to consult you .bout my memory, which has been •■ompletely at fault lately. Doctor—Ah. very remarkable, but I ought to tell you beforehand that In these cases I make it a rule that my patients pay In advance. Doctor—How are the pains today? No better? Then don’t take any more of the pills. Patient—I haven’t taken any of them, doctor. Doctor—That accounts for it. Taka them as directed. ‘1 heard Weary fell in d 'Get out! Dat wuz;. ■ ■iver and got drowned.” i-y. You couldn't get him near enough to a river Mr. Ryder: “Miss Walker, I want to apologize to you for nearly running over you in my automobile yesterday, but ! am so shortsighted that I really didn’t recognize you at first” HIS FATE. It was not far from the big hotel, As the moon shone on the sand, That in love’s sweet dream he began to swell . As he firmly held her hand. BALANCED. “He Is too strong to work.” "What does he do for a living?" "Fortunately he has a weak wife. SOME USE. "What Is your favorite animal?" "Tlio dude. You can borrow money from him if ho has It.” FINISHING TOUCHES LACKING. "Is your new house finished?” “Not quite. My friends haven't dis approved of it yet.” PLAYING SAFE. "How does it come that you are able to sell these goods below cost?” "We bought ’em below cost, ma'am.” SERVED THE PURPOSE. "Bought that dictionary yet you were talking about?” “No; I married a schoolma’am.” . MIGHT BE EITHER. ‘He hasn't a straight hair in his head, As he held her hand and began to ’ swell, And the maiden cried, “Oh, my!” And she hit him quick, arid he quickly felt—*' For mosquitoes have .to die. ‘Crook or curly headed?’ TO GIRLS IN GENERAL. Gather the roses while ye may. Their petals now are flying. And those ye lightly pass today Tomorrow ye’ll be buying. IN THE CLOUDS. "Do you think higher mathematics is of any use to a man in business?” "He might want to keep books some- timo In the top story of n skyscraper.” EVIDENCE. “Do you think women are braver than men?” ' ‘VYes; see who they marry.” IN THE BUSINESS. “Jones is something of a knocker.” "Something? Why, he buys his ham. mers in wholesale lots.” OF COURSE. "Oh. doctor, doctor, the' baby has fallen out of bed! - What shall. I do?” "Better pick It up. I think, madam;” NOT A FINABLE OFFENSE. “Once she was his little petty, but another man won her away.” "Case of petty larceny." A MELON-COLIC INCIDENT. A GOOD JOB. d DICKY DUMPLING’S VACATION. Musician (a few days later): "What on earth is that?” * ironmonger: “Your cornet which I have straight ened for you, sir.” Musician: “The tube .of niy cornet has got a little twisted. Can you straighten it for me?” Village Ironmonger:- “Certainly, sir, it will be ready in a few days.” In Practice. "Jinks is a great believer in nonre sistance.” "Can he support his theories by ar gument ?” “Yes. He gave a fellow a black eye the other day who would not accept them.” REASON ENOUGH, Just His Fad. “Mamma, why does Uncle George sleep in the hen house?” • “Why, he does not.” "Oh. yes he does. I heard him say that he went to bed with the chick ens.” Mm Deserves the Title “Pa, what is a diplomat?” "A diplomat, my son, is a man who can live with his mother-in - law without paying board." Common Reason. “Why in the world did she mar ry him?” "Because he asked her to.” To Run Up a Bill. “The doctor pre scribed a trip to Kurope for him.” “But he can’t af ford it.” “No. If he could, the doctor would have kept him at home.” Shy on Uncles. “Has the tum- blebug any rela tions?” “None to speak of. Just a few million ants.” Parson Hengrab: “Whad maiks yo' look so melon-colic?” Rastus: “Dis ain’ no melon-colic; jes’ plain stummick ache. The Father: "Robbie, why don’t you give that candy to baby?” The Son: "I would, papa, only it’s—it’s so sticky 1 can’t let go. 'My, won't mother be pleased with these water lilies! DID HE KISS HER? T o Give Him Weight. “He has been weighed in the bal ance and found wanting.” “Didn’t the chump know enough to carry a few bricits in his pocket?” AN ERRATIC CLASSIFICATION Improved Meth ods. ,r Y o u n g men must sow their wild oats, just as their fathers did.” "Not at all. The young his by A RENDEZVOUS. man electricity these days.” Worked a Good Thing. "She doesn’t be lieve in long en gagements.” “No. Just long enough to have the man spend all of his money.” Quite a Difference. “I heard that he had broken him self of the habit of drinking.’ “No. He just broke himself at the habit.” Made It Feel Bad. “Wonder what makes that baby cry so." “It was present when it was born and heard what the folks shid about its refem- binnee to its fam- Way Down. “He got his edu- cation in the school of experi ence.” “In the A class, I presume?” "No, in the J He (fervently)—My heart is savin; things to you that my frightened Up: —' p to utter. one (faintly)—Could mine help you? . here’s luck. ; Last, night's severe : I believe it is of the rriolfusk family. The Professor: “I that valuable sea shell, But a second later he discovered it was of the carnivorous type. INDISTINCT PRINT