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A YANKEE IN LOVE.
Alf Burnett in Home and Farm.
«One day Sal fooled me; she heat-
i the poker red-hot and asked me
to stir the fire* I seized hold of it
mighty quick to oblige myself. Well,
after the poker scrape, me and Sal
ly got on middling for some time,
tin X made ap my mind to pop the
Peter Sorghum, Esquire.’
“With that I ups and tells them
all, from Alfer to Onega. They was
j all mighty well pleased, and I went
question, for I loved her harder ev
ery day, and I had an idea she loved
me or had a sneaking kindness for
me . But how to do the thing up
nice and right pestered me awful, I
had bought some love books and
read how the fellows got on their
knees and talked like poets, and how
' the girls would, gently-like, fall in
lore with them. But somehow or
other that way didn’t kinder suit
ray notions. I asked mam how she
and dad courted, but she said it had
been so long ago she had forgotten.
Uncle Joe said mam did all of the
courting. At last I made up my
mind to go it blind, for this thing
was consuming my mind; so I goes
over to her dad’s, and when I got
there I sat like a fool thinking how
to begin. Sal seed something was
troubling me, so she said: ‘Peter,
ain’t you sick?’ (She said this so soft
like). ‘Ye?—no; that is, I ain’t ex
actly well. I thought I would come
over to-night.’ (I "thought this a
pretty good beginning, so , I would
try it again.) ‘Sal,’says I, and about
this time I felt kinder fainty about
the stomach and shaky about the
knees. ‘Sal,’ says I. ‘What?’ says
she. (I’ll get to it after a while at
this rate, thought I). ‘Peter, there’s
something troubling you; it’s mighty
wrong for you to keep it from.;any-
body, for an inward fever is a con
suming fire.’ She said this; she did,
the shy critter. She knowed what
was the matter all the time, and was
only trying to fish out; but I was so
far gone I couldn’t see the point!
At last I gulped down the big lump
arising in my throat, and says I:
‘Sal, do you love anybody?’ ‘Well,
yes,’ says shn. ‘There’s dad and
mam (and a-counting on her fingers
all the time), and there’s old pide
(that’s the cow), and I can’t think
of anyone else just now,’ says she.
“Now, this was an iceberg on a
fellow dead in love; so after a while
I tried another shoot. Says I; ‘Sal,
I am powerful lonesome at home,
and sometimes think if I only had a
nice, pretty wife to love and talk to,
I’d be a tremendous fellow! Sal; do
you know any gal that would care
for me?’
“With that she begins and names
all the gals for five milez around,
and never came nigh naming herself,
and said I ought to get one of them.
This kimder got my dander up; so I
just hitched my chair close to hers,
and set my eyes on her and said:
“ ‘Sal, you are the very gal I’ve
been hankering after for all of this
time. I love you all over, from the
'soles of your feet to the crown of
your head, and.I don’t care who
knows it; and if you say so, we will
he jined together in the holy bonds
of hemlock, world without end.
Amen!” And I felt like I’d thrown
up an alligator. I was so relieved.
With that she pitched a kinder little
scream and says:
“ ‘Peter!’
“ ‘What, Sally?’ says I.
“ ‘Yes,’ says she (hiding her face
behind her fan). You bet a heap I
felt good!
“ ‘Glory! Glory!’ says I. ‘I must
holler, Sal, or I shall bust! Hurrah!
Hooray! I can jump over a ten-rail
fence!’ With that I sat right down
by her and cinched the bargain with
a kiss.
“Talk about your blackberry jam!
Talk about your sugar and molasses!
They would have been sour after
that kiss. Oh, these gals! How good
and bad, how high and low, they
make a fellow feel! If Sal’s dad
hadn’t sung out that it was time for
ail honest people to be abed,I would
have sat there two hours longer.
You oughter seed me when I got
home! I pulled dad out of the bed
and hugged him. I pulled mam out
of the bed and hugged her. I pulled
Aunt Jane out and hugged her. I
laughed and hollered. I crowed like
a rooster, and cut up more capers
than you ever henm tell of, till dad
thought I was crazy and got a rope
to tie me.
“ ‘Dad,’ says I, ‘I am going to be
married.’
“ ‘Married!’ bawled dad,
" ‘Married!* squalled mam.
“‘Married!’ squealed Aunt Jane.
“‘Yes, married for sure, all over.
Married like a flash—?oined in hem
lock—hooked on for life and death
to Sal. I am that very things—me,
to bed ag proud as a young rooster
A LOBSTER 100,000 YEARS OLD.
with his first spurs.
Bibles by the Millions.
The American Bible Society,which
has its headquarters in New York,
circulated the Bible in 100 different
languages, and in the past four-score
years has distributed 67,000,000 vol
umes. It sends them out at the rate
of a million and a half a year now,
oUe-half of which are distributed in
this country and the other in mis
sion lands. In 1889 the society is
sued in Armenia 11,406 volumes,
Zula 18,083, Arabic 52,893, Japa
nese 66,000, Spanish 91,305, Chi
nese 514,285. Appropriations al
ready made for the current year for
the foreign work alone amount to
$192,260.
The American Bible Society as
sures the public that its entire in
come from trust funds and from
rentals last year was $56,963, only
one-sixth of what it costs to carry
on its great work. At least $250,000
a year in gifts is needed to main
tain the steady supply of scriptures
from which great demands are made
by churches and missionaries. The
claims of the Bible Society are apt
to be overlooked in the louder calls
for denominational or local objects.
Let it be understood that one dollar
can provide six Bibles or twenty
Testaments for those who otherwise
would not have them. A subscriber
of $30 may become a life member,
and of $150 a life director of the
American Bible Society.
Every woman will appreciate a lit
tle article which makes it possible to
remove dirt from her gloves as easi
ly as she would erase the marks of a
pencil from a sheet of paper. This
little convenience is a composition
of rubber. It comes in the form of
a block, is free from odor, and so
small that' it can be carried in the
pocket. It is also useful for remov
ing soiled spots from woolen or silk
garments.—Maria Parloa, in the
January Ladies’ Home Journal.
Pepsin preparations often fail to
relieve indigestion because they
can digest oply albuminous foods.
There is one preparation that di
gests all classes of food, and that
is Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. It cures
the wo^st cases of indigestion and
gives instant relief, for it digests
what you eat. Ill Holtzclaw’s
Drugstore.
The agents of the South African
republics are said to be recruiting
troops in Belgium, Holland, France
and Germany. It is said that these
recruits will be sent to Nam aqua-
land, ostensibly as colonists, whence
they will make their way to the seat
of war.
The Best Prescription for Malaria,
Chills and Fever is a bottle of
Grove’s Tasteless Chill Tonic.
It is simply iron and quinine in a
tasteless form. No cure—no pay.
Price 50c.
Uncle Sam’s buildings and the ar
rangement and care of exhibits at
the Pan-American Exposition will
cost half a million dollars.
Quality and not quantity makes
DeWitt’s Little Early Risers such
valuable little liver pills. H. M.
Holtzclaw’s Drugstore.
v...
The most remarkable story of sus
pended animation on record comes
from Easton, Md., where Wellmaker
John H. 3L Shannahan is boring
some wells for the Easton Water
Company.
From a depth of 125 feet a ball
of clay was brought to the surface,
which, when exposed to the sun,
showed signs of life, and proved to
be a live and somewhat ferocious
lobster, its legs and claws gradually
uncoiling.
This curious live specimen is now
in the Pennsylvania University Mu
seum, where it was sent by Col.
Charles A. Chipley.
Several sharks’ teeth were dug up
at the same time, and Mr. Shanna
han has unearthed many strange
things from the peninsula, which is
of alluvial formation.
While such men as Prof. W. R.
Breoks, of John Hopkins, have hesi
tated as yet to express an opinion as
to this discovery, the stratum in
which it was found having been be
fore the glacial period the sea floor,
it is surmised that the lobster was
caught napping with thousands of
others when the glaciers swept down
and deposited the bed of rock which
must now be drilled through to get
artesian water.
This having occnrred 100,000
years ago, according to geologists,
it would mean that the lobster had
been practically dead all these years.
—Exchange.
CALDER B. WILLINGHAM, JB.,
Wholesale and Retail Dealer in *
/
Among the many electric novel
ties is a small clock mounted on a
wooden box containing a storage
battery. Set in the top of the box
in frent of the clock is a tiny elec
tric lamp with a switch handy
Whether the clock is placed at night
on a stand by the bedside where it
can be reached by stretching out a
hand, or whether it is left on a man
tel, a turn of the switch throws a
bright light on the face of the clock,
whenever it is desired to know the
time. The storage battery contains
a supply of electricity sufficient to
last for months.
Persons who suffer from indi
gestion cannot expect to live long,
because they cannot eat the food
required to nourish the body and
the products of the undigested
foods they do eat poison the blood.
It is important to cure indigest
ion as soon as possible, and the
best method of doing this is to
use the preparation known as Ko
dol Dyspepsia Cure. It digests
what you eat and restores all the
digestive organs to perfect health.
H. M. Holtzclaw’s Drugstore.
Statistics and trade reports show
that the consumption of strong liq
uors and cigarettes in the United
States has decreased steadily during
the last three or four years. This is
a hopeful sign that as a people we
shall start off in the new century
with clearer heads and better diges
tions.—Savannah News.
*;To Cure A Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine
Tablets. All druggists refund the
money if it fails to cure. E. W.
Grove’s signature is on each box.
25/.
There will be j representatives of
42 different tribos of Indians in the
Indian Congress at the Pan-Ameri
can Exposition at Buffalo next sum-
Crockery, Stoves, Lamps House-
Furnishing- Goods.
A GOMPLETE LINE OF HOLIDAY GOODS.
TRIANGULAR BLOCK, MACON, GA.
MANKIND MUST EAT DRINK and SLEEP.
We have the accommodations at our
We supply all thei Best Brands of
WHISKIES, BRANDIES AND WINES.
HOME MADE CORN WHISKEY a Specialty.
JUG ORDERS GIVEN PROMPT ATTENTION.
MEALS 23 cents. BEDS 25 cents.
U2g= YOUR PATRONAGE SOLICITED.
CO,
508
MACON. G-a.
The Kind iron
in use for over
hut
and endanger the health of
against Experiment*
What is CASTOR IA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Ca,stor Oil, Pare
goric, X>rops and Soothing Syrups. Tt is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind.
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the
Stomach and ISowels, giving healthy and natural sleep*
The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend.
GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS